[ and yes, ofc he's deflecting . why talk about how he's doing when he could be talking about literally anything other than how he's feeling as a result of public humiliation. ]
[There's a small pause as she tries to figure out what to say.]
Just wanted to see how you were doing after everything. You also looked like you had a few questions for me before we got caught. If you want to ask feel free to find me in one of the yards this afternoon. I'll be glad to explain things.
[ honestly? with the way everything shook out for the three of them, keith is a little relieved to know angel's still talking to him. she hadn't said anything to indicate she blamed either him or lance of course, but keith's track record of stable friendships isn't exactly great when there isn't some existential war that requires teamwork at play. ]
Hey, yourself. [ thanks for checking in, it's appreciated. ] Could ask that question right back atcha. Are you doing okay? I did want to ask you stuff about surviving in your world. Is that still okay?
[ frankly, he;s not sure how touchy of a subject angel's world is to her. frankly, dealing with allura and then later romelle, has given him an abudance of caution when it comes to the topic of home. ]
[ with the disastrous job fair now behind them, keith's since taken the time to calm down from from the fugue of rage and panic. frankly, he doesn't wholly remember who finally dragged him away from the graveyard of smashed robot bits struggling to stitch themselves back together, nor does he know exactly why he'd had such a white-knuckled grip on a corn cob dildo. the second he'd been dragged back to his cube, he'd simply fallen asleep and only upon waking late in the evening that he's had to stitch and frankenstein the event back together.
maybe an accurate recollection of the timeline doesn't even matter. what's happened has already happened. what's left is how to proceed forward and keith knows with finality that things can't fucking continue like this if this is the trajectory of the future.
so. the lighthouse had been a bust overall. having little to show for his incursion into the property, keith tries not to be overly frustrated and focus on the otherside of the forked path past the fenced off gate. it's hard to tell what it is exactly form where they are in the prison, but it looked like some kind of facility. something important. perhals the lighthouse was just a smokescreen after all and the warden had been trying to keep prying eyes away from the plant?
whatever the case may be, keith is not longer so content to simply sit still and wait for the next generation of sex robots to show up and molest them all. the last time, someone had likely snitched on him, lance and angel so this time -- this time, he'll bide his time just a little longer. wait for an hour where the majority are likely to be asleep before sneaking out to stake out the property to plan out a proper reconnaissance mission. no lance, no angel, no teammates for back up.
just him. alone. keith doesn't want to be in a nother situation where he's indirectly responsible for someone else getting punished. and yeah -- that's likely going to piss off shiro and the others, but that's only if keith gets caught sneaking around alone, right? what the paladins don't know can't hurt them.
so mind made up, keith puts on the pieces of his paladin armor and sits on the floor of his cube, cross legged to meditate quietly. ]
[ to think, shiro started off the day thinking better of their alien overlords. not significantly, no, but the job fair had given him the smallest amount of hope that they had options here. at the very least, it’s a show of freedom and choice that he didn’t receive with the galra or the druids. that counts for something? or did, up until the jnnfrs and the like went rogue. the deputies got a handle on the situation before it could get out of communal; just…it took awhile. enough time for team voltron to take a few hits.
shiro worries about all four of them. he knows pidge is dealing with a sliced leg. lance and hunk are traumatized in their own ways. and keith… – shiro has been rounding back on him the most. see, the thing is… those bots weren’t all that different from the punishment machine of a week or so ago. the packaging had been different and they were far harder to dispose of, but that’s about as far as differences go; the rest was precisely the same, especially in terms of intent. keith’s reaction to them went about as well as shiro could expect.
he’s been looping back to that twenty minute window over and over for hours: of keith wielding a dildo of all things, half crazed standing among the wreckage of machinery and technology. that hadn’t even been the most concerning part. that had been pulling keith away from that and outside. to then bring him to his cube and watch him almost immediately pass out, whether by exhaustion or self-preservation. the thing is… shiro can’t decide which aftermath had been worse: keith sprayed with aphro and pawing at shiro relentlessly or keith shuddering and shaking apart, so utterly rattled to be faced with those bots.
at least he kept his own. at least keith didn’t fall apart in the heat of battle. that’s better than what shiro’s done any time he’s faced with a brutal reminder of the dark spots in his past. isn’t about me... – he sighs and rubs at his temples, sitting there at his shitty table inside his cube, simultaneously wondering why he’s still awake while also knowing exactly why he’s still awake. maybe he should’ve stayed with keith. the kid was out before shiro could properly talk to him and now, whenever he wakes up, he’ll be disorientated, confused, panicked…?
no. he’s safe in his cube. he’ll know he’s safe. he’ll stay tucked in bed until shiro checks on him in the morning.
… in takes twelve more minutes before shiro admits to himself that he doesn’t buy that.
it’s pretty fucking dark when he exits his cube. the warden has skimped on light fixtures. it’s okay though, because shiro knows the path well to keith’s cube. to all the paladin’s cubes, really. he may not check in with them every single day for a play by play, but he has at least made a point to familiarize himself with the basics. it doesn’t take more than a few minutes to find himself at keith’s door, only for him to then wonder what the plan is from this point. knock? why? if he’s sleeping, he wants him to stay sleeping. barge in? can’t. his anklet doesn’t give him access to keith’s cube and shiro certainly isn’t going to carve out a hole in the shipping container to let himself in.
he just wants to be here when keith wakes up.
so he settles with the thought that it’s nice enough out and he’s awake enough, that standing guard isn’t too much trouble. or better yet, sitting guard. off to the side of the door, he sits on the dirt and rests his back to the cube, head tilted back to start mapping out unfamiliar clusters of stars as he waits. ]
[ keith goes over the plan multiple times in his head. after he'd slashed through the high tension barbed wire fence weeks ago, he's kept an eye on reconstruction efforts as they were and -- well, turns out they never actually repaired the fence so much as posted additional drones to guard the area. keith's been watching the activity from afar and by now he's pretty sure they adhere to a very regular and thus very exploitable rotating schedule. it shouldn't take much effort to slip through the hole when the guards are rotating shifts which should give him a solid three hours of recon time around the plant before the next shift change.
is this foolproof? no. but he's not going to attempt an infiltration of the building itself unless absolutey necessary. or if the opportunity presents itself to do so without arousing suspicion. again, he suspects the others won't like this, but he refuses to be the reason anyone else has to make another post crying to the network about their misconducts.
from within his cube, he gets up and glances at the time on his tablet. thirty minutes to go before the next scheduled shift change. it'll take far less time than that for keith to get up to the barbed wire fence, but he stands up anyway, a whole restlessness making him itch for movement. he paces from one end of his cube to the other, then feeling thoroughly unsatisfied decides to poke his head out to glances around and see if he can spot light poking through the doors of the cubes of his neighbors.
what he's not expecting is a large shadow of a man crouched by his cube door. keith flinches, instinctively, twitchily reaching for his knife before pausing, sounding confused. ]
[ he wonders if the library has an astronomy book. it wouldn’t hurt to learn the constellations, assuming he has a way of translating the gibberish text. this is a bad move on his part; now, he’s thinking less of the stars and a lot more about the library itself. or more accurately, a certain person he sort of, not really met at the library. their last meeting spot isn’t so far from here either. it’s been a few days now and still, any time he so much as thinks about what happened there, he feels a touch warm. the clench in his lower abdomen is concerning too, as well as the way his next breath is always unsteady.
of course, this is when the door opens. startled out of his thoughts, shiro jerks his spine straight and whips his head in that direction. at least it’s dark enough that it mutes his abrupt movements, as well as his wide eyes.
[ keith lets out a breath ,relaxing as thoughts of voyeurs, stalkers and creeps fade to the wayside. the relief is short lived however when it occurs to him that shiro wouldn't randomly be sitting outside his cube and thus probably wants to talk about something. if there's one thing keith truly hates about this place, it's how it's instilled a new dread in him over the prospect of talking to his best friend. swallowing hard and trying to shake out the tension in his shoulders, keith shoots for something nonchalant. ]
[ he laughs a little, just to take the edge of the awkwardness he can feel beginning to shroud him. a push has him climbing to his feet and a brush as his backside gets off a small dusting of dirt. ]
I know this is unusual to drop in on you like this. [ to put it mildly. he’s smiling in that concerned, yet encouraging way of his as he turns fully to keith, taking a step closer. ] After what happened, I wanted to be here when you woke up and make sure… [ you’re okay. except, he stops short when his brain recognizes what it is he’s seeing. ]
[ shiro has only the best intentions and yet the implication that keith needs checking up on needles at his pride. he's not a delicate thing that can't handle a bit of stress, alright? but even as his annoyance prickles, keith knows it's a little misplaced. he takes a breath, tries to shake it off only to immediately have an unspoken accusation turned his way. taken aback, keith doesn't navigate this eloquently. ]
Uh...... [ he glances down at his armor clad body, then looks back up at shiro. ] Yeah.
[ it's almost funny. what seems like a a lifetime ago, allura had caught him sneaking around the pods at night dressed in full armor. somehow he doubts this exchange will go any better. ]
[ keith. please. let shiro hover once in awhile. though, considering what happened the last time shiro insisted on looking after keith, keith wound up with soiled pants and cramped arms from a nap spent handcuffed to the bed. right here, right now, shiro doesn’t have the attention span to nitpick keith for any signs of annoyance, so he’s altogether blind to the way in which he’s, supposedly, overstepped.
in fact, he’s in favor of stepping further and does so, with another few steps that bring him closer to the door. it grants him a better look at keith, who is, of course, dressed in full armor. now, the prison isn’t exactly safe, shiro gets that, so armor isn’t a bad idea. but if safety is the concern, why go stomping around in the middle of the night?
… shiro gets a free pass because he had a purpose and a destination. keith here? doesn’t. unless… ]
A walk where?
[ eyes slightly narrowed, there’s a hint of suspicion there. he can’t imagine keith is just out for some fresh air. ]
[ silence hangs for two beats before even keith has to admit that the answer is wholly unsatisfying in addition to being suspicious. ]
Around the complex. Doing a perimeter check.
[ a perimeter check that includes a perimeter of forbidden territory, that is. keith is almost proud of himself for coming up with something that gives him plausible deniability here, butsomehow he doubts shiro will make that easy. ]
[ does the story check out? maybe, maybe not. with how distraught keith had been earlier, shiro can maybe believe that he’s anxious enough to run a check, just to ensure that no more rogue robots have escaped to harass other inmates. but shiro would have believed that more easily if he hadn’t started off with oh you know. that sounds a lot like stalling. stalling long enough to throw together a lie.
or at the very least, a half-truth.
either way, lying or not, it doesn’t matter. if keith is suited up and doing a parameter check of the compound at ass o’clock, middle of the night, and shiro happens to be in the same vicinity, then – ]
[ it's an overreaction and the nanosecond after the word's left keith's mouth, his shoulders sag, defeated. scrubbing down his face with his gloved hand, keith grimaces and reiws again, tone softer this time and pleading. ]
Shiro, I don't want you getting in trouble, okay? I can't handle you getting in trouble on my account. SO just... [ he looks to the ground, swallowing once before shooting shiro a chagrined expression. ]
[ voice far too loud and reaction far too strong, keith blows it. there goes all of keith’s plausible deniability. the chances of shiro willingly stepping aside and allowing keith to go off wherever dials down to zero. perimeter check, right. suspicious before and outright unconvinced now, shiro crosses his arms over his chest and stands a little more centered in the path of the doorway.
truthfully? he’s annoyed in some small capacity. he doesn’t like being misled, especially after what happened at the job fair. shiro’s concerned. he feels it’s his right to be concerned about keith, and so, keith deliberately trying to sidestep him with some shoddy cover story, rubs him the wrong way.
so, have an unimpressed look, keith. ]
Why would I be getting into trouble? We’re free to walk the grounds.
[ sure, there are those robotic sentries also patrolling but there is no actual curfew, as far as shiro can tell. ]
[ as always, shiro's disappointment hits differently. it's one thing when the paladins (lance) get ticked off with him, but when it comes from shiro it makes keith imagine widening rifts and expanding chasms. of all the people in his life that have come and gone, shiro's the one person keith doesn't want to lose -- nor ocer a stubborn sense of pride and certainly not over the routine humiliation that's baked intot he crust of their daily lives at reparacija. he bites his lower lip, drops his gaze. he never wants to fight with shiro ever, but that's just the posture and tone his best firend is taking on now.
keith takes a step backwards into his cube, making a motion for shiro to come inside before shutting the door and taking a deep breath. ]
Listen. I know what you're going to tell me. Don't do it, it's stupid -- and yeah, I hear you. But I can't just sit around here anynore not doing anything while the warden keeps cooking up more messed up things to fucking rape us with, okay?
[ amrs folding around himself, keith takes a more measured breath careful to keep his tone calm. it's easier to speak when his head isn't buzzing with thoughts of the job fair. ]
So I'm going to check out the facility on the other side of the blocked off path.
[ when keith backs down, it isn’t victory shiro feels. relief? yes, but it’s tainted by the method in which he had to attain it. shiro never enjoys strong-arming keith into opening up to him. the fact that he has to whip out the dreaded disapproving face and the i’m terribly disappointed in you voice is disheartening. they’re a team, aren’t they? even without the lions a zip-line away, they’re still a team. so what happened to open communication and running things by team leader when plans that affect them all are thrown together?
actually, forget the duty associated with team voltron; shiro and keith are a team. they’re best friends. when did talking to each other become such a trial? heh. probably right around the time he had to use fuzzy handcuffs on said best friend.
shiro doesn’t grimace, but it’s a near thing, as he stands inside keith’s cube, listening to keith attempt to cut him off with don’t do it, it’s stupid, i hear you. he’s not wrong. it is a stupid plan. one that’s lacking thought and comprehension for impending consequences. a frown comes to him, one that furrows tighter the more keith talks and talks and – oh.
rape us. that, combined with keith folding in and hugging himself has shiro’s face relaxing, unintentionally morphing into a more pitying look. not for long, of course, but for a few moments, he understands, he emphasizes and he wants to allow keith whatever it is he needs to do to stop looking like that. only, in the next beat, that want is squashed under the more potent concern and frustration. ]
Need I remind you that this is the same type of plan that got you one on one time with that machine? What happens when you get caught and the Warden again cooks up something specifically for you?
[ shiro was never going to approve. that much had been obvious, but it still makes keith's heart sink to the floor. even if approval was too far removed from reality, maybe some part of him was at least hoping to be understood. for a beat there, it had even seemed that way? but the words that end up coming out of shio's mouth are far from that.
not for the first time since becoming a prisoner, keith is faced with the reminder that it's loenly here. that he's lonely here, even though it makes little sense when the entirety of team voltron are around. ]
This is different. The Warden never specified that the facility was out of bounds. Only the lighthouse.
[ the defensiveness is automatic, in part provoked by shiro's more combative refusal to hear him out. there's solid grounds for his reasoning, but obviously the warden isn't likely to be impressed by ruleslawyering. keith grimaces inwardly, then looks up at shiro. ]
What are you even suggesting then? That I just sit still as those fucking robots roama round and do whatever they like? We can't just all sit here forever, you know.
[ different he says, like the facility isn’t also blocked off and so obviously out of bounds. shiro frowns; he has too much agitated energy at his disposal, but no good outlet for it. the fingers of his left twitch and he’s caught between wanting to cross his arms again and to start pacing. he does neither out of sheer stubbornness; he doesn’t want to showcase how rattled this has him. keith, running off in the middle of the night, setting himself up for disaster with no backup, no deniability, no end goal beyond hoping he manages to find something? does he even know what he’s looking for there?
and hell, of all things to wear when pulling off a black-ops spy gig. sneaking into areas is better done without white armor.
so yes, shiro’s disappointed, for a lot of reasons. keith turning it back on him and asking, yet more so accusing him, certainly doesn’t help matters either. he takes a breath and staves off the urge to snap, and then releases a sigh after a deliberate pause. ]
Don’t be like that. [ his tone is strangely mellowed, even a touch defeated. ] I never implied we would sit around.
[ so that’s what keith thinks of him. a no-good leader, sitting on his hands and leaving his team to be ravaged by the horrors of prison life. heh. he shakes it off, knowing he’s being unfair and petty, assuming the worst of keith. ]
I was talking to Lance. At the fair, before everything happened – he had a solid idea of getting me in to work for the maintenance crew. [ a beat, expression a little more open. encouraging? hopeful? this is a better plan, isn’t it, keith? ] I would have plausible deniability if I got caught snooping around there. We just have to give it time for me to get access.
[ keith's arms stay folded tight around his chest, quite literally holding himself together as he listens. despite wanting to, he doesn't start pacing around the room to blow off some of his agitated energy, but instead fixes himself to the wall, breath held and listening.
there's a lot that shiro doesn't know and keith recognizes that most of that is his fault. his fault for having passively left the task of telling shiro about voltron to pidge, lance and hunk. his fault for always just wanting to shield his best friend from harm and the pain of knowing horific existential trutshs about his demise and return. there's too many things that keith himself doesn't have answers to -- like how shiro had survived within black's consciousness, how time passed in there, how much shiro had been aware of. if shiro is even shiro if his body, the atoms that once made up takashi shirogane are lost to the cosmos.
fuck. keith dwells on it for a beat too long, and he has to duck eye contact immediately to bite the sinside of his cheek. shiro will always be shiro, and getting sidetracked on bullshit armchair phlosophy about the nature of existence is the last thing he needs to be doing right now.
but sickly, something inside him wants to laugh in self beration. of course shiro's plan makes more sense than a rushed attempt to get information. of course. patience yields focus and all that.chest feeling tight, he chokes on the thought that despite all that shiro had once wanted him to lead.
still wants him to lead?
he takes a deep breath and forces a tiny smile. ]
... Lance came up with that?
[ ... fuck. it's not even surprising. despite being a loud mouth, the guy can be solid on planning when he needs to be and frankly this whole "I was busy" line that he'd used to outright avoid keith for weeks suddenly makes him feel so disgustingly juvenile for being hurt.
looks like everyone else is trying to be productive in their own way. what does keith even have to show for anything at this point? smile turning into a grimace, he grips his arms tighter as he slides halfway down the wall. ]
[ it’s that same uncertain awareness of before: is he more relieved or more regretful that keith backs down? shiro can’t pinpoint it. both, he supposes, though he’s leaning more heavily on the latter. he came here to check on keith, not to beat him down. the extent of him relenting catches him off guard, weirdly enough. see, keith’s got that nasty rep of being a hothead but keith’s reasonable. shiro knows this. should know this, but truthfully? he’s a little surprised that the fight leaves keith, so much so that he becomes – smaller. no one should look small like that when dressed in clunky armor and yet, keith disappears a little, gripping his arms tighter and sliding lower. the apology is the icing on top that he never asked for, nor wanted.
that agitated, livewire buzz that had him twitching and itching to pace before? it drains out of existence and with it, shiro deflates visibly, the solid line of his shoulders drooping as he sighs a miserable, barely there sound. ]
Hey… it’s okay. No harm done.
[ right. because he just happened to be here to intercept keith and stop him before harm could happen. he leaves that thought behind as he steps forward, crossing the bit of distance to stand closer to that pitiful half-lean keith has going against the wall. he’s tempted to haul him up himself and right this imbalance, but he offers his hand out instead, akin to the clasp they make before dragging each other into a hug. ]
Just… [ his voice wavers, his smile weak. ] … remember that we’re a team, okay? You don’t have to figure out everything on your own.
[ keith's gaze shifts towards the hand extended out towards him, but is slow to reach out and clasp shiro's hand and follow thorugh with the motion of their usual routine. not because he's angry, but because deep down he's started questioning whether or not he even deserves that. shiro had been pissed not even a minute ago, and now this? keith feels sick to his stomach, contemplating and hedging on the lamest compromise of a limp wristed grab and a step closer. the armor makes at least gives him some plausible deniability as to why he doesn't bump chest to chest. ]
I do though.
[ his voice is shaky, quiet and trails off whisper soft before keith has to clear his throat and star over. ]
I can never put anyone else through the warden's horrible punishment, okay? If I just kept my mouth shut and went to the lighthouse alone, then at least Lance would've never been forced to make a naked public apology and freak out about a guy coming to use him. I -- [ voice wavering, keith bites the inside of his lip and drags in a deep breath through his nose. ]
We're a team. I know that. But I could never live with myself if anything I suggested put you in a compromising position like that. Never.
[ not the most reassuring grab in the history of their one-two, bro hugs, but it’s better than nothing. a tug brings keith up and close, and it works to settle shiro’s unease for the briefest of moments. but then he lets go and his mind starts picking apart all the differences here: weak grasp, kept distance, no smile on the step back. they certainly aren’t out of the woods yet, not by a long shot. shiro tries not to frown too intensely and ends up somewhere in the vicinity of pity, concern and apprehension, which really leaves him looking sad.
he doesn’t interrupt; he lets keith say his piece. some trawling through the network archives has shiro caught up on the whole lighthouse debacle. some days, he thinks he should talk to lance about it, but has never actually gotten beyond a general how are you holding up. probably for the best. reopening wounds of the past doesn’t always lead to better healing, shiro knows that well enough. he'll figure that out later. see, lance isn’t the priority here – true as it is, he feels guilty thinking it – keith is. and it’s funny, almost, how they’re of similar mind, yet so completely opposite at the same time. ]
I can’t take you getting punished again either.
[ in any capacity, whether it’s shiro’s fault, keith’s fault, whoever’s fault. still standing close, he places a hand on his shoulder. well, his shoulder guard. it feels weird under his palm, like he’s barred from actually offering keith his specific brand of comfort. still, his hand stays and he frowns. ]
It was hard seeing you when those things went rogue. [ it’s reluctant at first, like saying the words breathes life back into the terror felt when communal went to hell. they start coming faster after the first few though. ] It was like before. I dunno how much you even remember, you were shaking and out of it and…
[ and then they cut off completely. he sighs and shakes his head, dismissing wherever he’d been going with that. the point he’s trying to make, is: ]
I don’t like you hurting, Keith. [ a beat, voice strengthening with certainty. ] And you will, a lot, if you try to shoulder everything. I have your back, always. You just gotta talk me through the things you’ve got going on, so we can do what's best for everyone.
[ keith's glance shifts to the side where shiro's hand clasps his shoulder. his expression shifts somewhat with the motion as well as guilt colors over. honestly, he's probably tried to take most things on by himself after shiro died. leading voltron hadn't gone so well in the immediate aftermath, but he'd never really been able to get the team to get behind what keith felt were the top priorities in chasing lotor and the mystery quintessence. then when he'd found the clone, rather than cause waves within a splintering team, he'd chosen to leave and go fight with the blades because clearly everyone else wanted to play diplomat and expand the coalition with pr and fancy dinner parties.
of course, handling everything alone in the harsh environment of the quantum abyss would have been suicide. keith's learned that it's okay to rely on his mom and developed a working bond with his space wolf. the three of them had felt like a great team and to an extent even voltron had felt alright again when they fought together to fight lotor.
after that? keith thinks he was finding his footing. but then him and lance turned up here and his interpersonal relationships have all been messy again. whether that be from being too close to lance and bgetting burned, or keeping shiro a mental arm's length away just to avoid his best firend from having to know certain truths about the future -- it's all starting to feel like one wrong call after another. his expression fractures even further when shiro explicitly brings up the robots. before.
no, the fact of the matter is that keith's done a terrible job of navigating the fault lines dotting their relationship. he'd said and done a whole lot of things that can't be taken back with shiro, and he still doesn't know if he's ready to actually talk about it. he bites his lip, then looks down at his feet. ]
I just... I can't handle it, Shiro. Whenever I see those things I don't feel like I belong in my own body.
[ he laughs, managing just the tinitest bitter noise. ]
The experiment didn't even get that far, thanks to you. But I just -- I see them. And I can't sit still. I can't think. I need to get out of here. Place doesn't make me feel right.
[ keith looks down but shiro doesn’t look away, though it his chest panging something awful to see keith broken down and hiding. yes, he’s hiding. trying at least. he did that a lot in the beginning: staring out the classroom window, sitting apart from the simulator group, stealing his jeep, ducking his head down outside of disciplinary waiting to be sent away. what about that year out on his own too? point is, keith had – has? – a nasty habit of disconnecting or running away when the overwhelming and disappointing aspects of reality close in. looking back on it now, shiro’s surprised keith didn’t try to pull this stunt immediately following his punishment.
god dammit. shiro feels like a shitty friend. he should’ve checked in more often. should’ve really talked keith through what happened. through everything that happened. and at the job fair? the first time he saw one of those bots, he should’ve gone looking for keith, instead of fiddling time away in bullshit classes and walking a fucking catwalk. he just… tends to think of keith as resilient. the boy makes it through everything, no matter what, because he’s strong and smart and stubborn and exactly the kind of person shiro can depend on to be there when he needs him to be.
is shiro that person for keith though? where’s shiro when keith needs him? always a few minutes late of hitting the necessary cue.
frowning through his self-flagellation, shiro steps back into keith’s space and grips his other shoulder, holding him by both. ]
We’re gonna get out of here. [ he’s certain of that, at least. ] I’ll have access to restricted areas soon. I’ll find something we can use.
[ he ducks his head down, trying to catch keith’s attention and get him to look up. ]
You just have to hang in there a little longer, okay? Nothing’s gonna harm you like that again. I’ll always come get you, no matter what.
[ he did both times, right? late, he reminds himself. still, he did come. there’s some comfort in that, isn’t there? his tablet answers that for him. it’s not a chime. it’s that other sound, the one that signals something being checked off. he straightens up, expression turning puzzled as he shoulder checks the knapsack secured to his back, as if that’ll reveal an answer. the only thing it could be is…
ah, right. he knows. that doesn’t settle his thoughts though. now he’s thinking of sentence sheets and obvious ways to get out of here. there's a moment of hesitation and then a tentative: ]
But if it’s really too much… [ he looks back to keith and slowly releases his hold of him. ]
How much of your sentence do you have left?
Edited (i really hate it when i press post and THEN zero in on the typo) 2022-06-08 02:19 (UTC)
[ whatever comfort there had been to find in shiro's reassurances sublimates into the ether the second the tablets chime off in succession. keith balks visibly as he turns to look towards the cot where his tablet is screen down. he squirms out from under shiro's hands a beat later as an unsettling combination of mortification and confusion hit hard. there isn't anything on his sentence sheet that could possibly have earned him any credits just now, and the uncertainty makes him grab his tablet hurriedly to check.
a notification fills the screen readingL congratulations! you have receieved credits for completion of community service: hurt/comfort". keith's reaction isn't even remotely subtle. ]
Huh?
[ exclamation blurted and suddenly deeply unsure if he's gotten a new sentence added to his sheet for reasons unknown, he quickly sqipes to his rap sheet, cheeks still residually flushed red, but recovering fast with a slight frown. ]
I don't... who got hurt?
[ it's a little oblivious perhaps, but his confusion is painfully earnest. if he'd been thinking just a little straighter, franily keith would know showing shiro his sheet and what sentences have been crossed off is a terrible idea considering the earful that's bound to come when his best friend sees "anonymity" has been crossed off, but he turns the screen around for shiro's perusal with a shake of his head. ]
It's these.
[ alongside anonymity, fighting/wrestling, bondage, flexibility/contortionism, sexual exhaustion and rubbing/grinding have all been marked off. ]
[ shiro turns and watches keith frantically locate his tablet, brows rising. shiro already knows what notification he’s going to find, so it’s fascinating to watch, truth be told. the confusion to further confusion to befuddled acceptance…? shiro would laugh if the subject matter weren’t so sensitive. the unexpected bit of whiplash in terms of one serious discussion to an intermission of amusement has shiro slow in reaction, so when the tablet is abruptly turned toward him, he simply stares at it, uncomprehending. one beat, two beat, and onto three, he recovers. he’d been anticipating a numerical answer, not a free pass to look the sentence sheet over himself.
like hell he’s passing up the opportunity though.
walking across the cube over to keith by the bed, shiro doesn’t think twice before reaching out and taking the tablet from his hands. all else becomes background noise, his attention turning solely to the sheet, already trying to commit it to memory. a lot of these community service requirements look similar; oddly enough, they share a little more than one-third of them. prostitution bothers him, just like it does on his own, as well as exhibitionism, though he supposes that’s better than his similar, although worse dogging. anonymity catches his interest and he feels something akin of dread churn his chest and have him feeling sick, though he can’t place why. too much of a coincidence; there’s no possible way, especially because anonymous’ dick…
he wrinkles his nose and forces himself to read on, noting the other completed kinks… and more so, the ones that aren’t. keith has sexual exhaustion checked off? that in itself is – fine? good? keith’s checking off his list and, presumably, enjoying his time while doing it, so that can’t be anything other than good, right? should be, except he doesn’t have aftercare checked off. if someone rode him into the mattress, then shouldn’t there be a check off on the following care that should have happened?
that’s not even the worst of the uncompleted.
he stares at one in particular, mentally willing it to ping with a delayed notification. but of course nothing changes, other than shiro’s eyes straining and a headache forming from the way his thoughts are running circles. he glances up and he’s still wrinkled up on a frown, eyes imploring, yet sad. ]
You haven’t kissed anyone? Even though you’ve… done all this?
[ the instant keith allows shiro to take the tablet out of his hands is the same moment he finally thinks shit. it'd probably be some kind of faux pas to make a grab for it, huh? keith glances up at shiro's face, trying not to look particularly guilty, but paradoxically looks even guiltier for the attempt. what for? keith couldn't even say. after all, shiro allegedly isn't interested in policing.
or interested generally, but that's probably for the better considering the utter shambles his relationship with lance is in. in short, keith is braced for something, but guarded as he may be still hadn't anticipated on shiro zeroing in on the most harmless act on his sentencing like a laser. ]
I... [ keith flusters instantly. this conversation had started off with no illusions about how keith feels about life at prison, so there's little hope of credibility if he tried to maintain an aloof air about his sentencing, but that said having that speciifc sentence called out scrambles his thoughts. nothing about intimacy here has been normal, so not kissing hadn't seem that off, but the surprise on shiro's face makes keith feel a little like dissociating again for having to explain that nothing's wrong. ]
... yeah?
[ yeah. the winner of all arguments and ender of all debates dispensed, keith reaches for his tablet and gently tries to tug it out of shiro's grasp. ]
[ way to put shiro’s mind at ease, keith. not that he’s concerned. much. he said it the first day: he’s not here to police. as far as he’s concerned, keith can conduct himself any way he sees fit, as long as it doesn’t negatively affect the team or himself. see, it’s that last part that gives shiro too much wiggle room. this should be a done deal: let keith tug the tablet away and say as long as that works for you or looks like you’ve got a handle on things, good job. okay, maybe not the good job, that’s pushing it. the point is, he shouldn’t be getting involved.
… but he is involved. forget being leader, he’s keith’s best friend first and foremost and he cares about him. a lot, a lot. in short? this doesn’t sit right.
so, no, keith won’t be getting off the hook with his stellar rebuttal. in the next beat, shiro pivots slightly, the movement gently prying the tablet out of keith’s grip. he pulls it closer too, just to thwart any misguided attempt to snatch it from him. ]
And aftercare too.
[ he’s tunnel visioned. if he really thought about the community service kinks that are marked off, he’d maybe connect the dots that a lot of them can be attributed to the incident with the fuzzy handcuffs. but he sees anonymous and bondage and flexibility, and then simply assumes keith’s been finding other inmates. kind of like that blonde woman with the blue and pink, at the party awhile back. keith hooked up with her, right? shiro saw the two together on the dancefloor and then…
thinking of that may explain why he forgets himself in the moment and asks a very blunt: ]
Who are you hooking up with? Why aren’t they taking care of you afterwards?
[ chagrin colors his expression when shiro makes it clear that the tablet will not be handed back over without a game of tug-of-war. keith hesitates a beat, but meets that challenge by placing a palm on the screen and reaching to hook his fingers around the edge closest to shiro. he doesn't actually yank, but it's made clear enough that shiro's free reign over the tablet is over. balking over being asked such a sensitive question so blatantly from someone who was allegedly not going to be policing. ]
I -- [ he falterers with his words, clearly flustered, but doesn't look away. ] I don't need to be taken care of, Shiro. It's better this way. I'm not good with people so it's fine just like this.
[ keith trying for the tablet again is fine. shiro doesn’t actually need to look at it anymore. he has the big ones memorized and given enough time to think, he can dig out the others as well. why is it important he remember keith’s sentencing? he can’t even say. it’s not as though he’ll know if or when another part of his community service is checked off. because, heh, he’s not here to police, right?
he holds keith’s gaze and relaxes his hold on the tablet, silently disagreeing to every sentence that comes out of his mouth.
i don't need to be taken care of, shiro. not true. it's better this way. no, it isn’t. i'm not good with people so it's fine just like this. about that… ]
You’re good with people. [ just check out his harem. the frown won’t leave him, though his eyes soften. ] It’s people who aren’t good to you.
[ clearly, from this ridiculous list that doesn’t even have the givens checked off. but it’s always been true. the teachers from junior high to the garrison who dubbed him a disciplinary issue. the griffins of the world who rubbed salt into the wounds. even the lances who had it out for him for shallow reasons. so actually – shiro will amend his earlier thought. keith’s right, he doesn’t need to be taken care of, because he’s found ways to do that himself… but shiro wishes people would anyway. ]
[ the comment makes keith visibly miss a beat, expression softening as he stares. there's no other word than jarring to describe the moment. shiro is his best friend and for as long as keith can remember, he's always been his strongest advocate and a sturdy shoulder to lean on. of course shiro, of all people, would be the one person to look past his abrasive outer shell and still think it's other people who don't treat him right.
he doesn't mean to laugh, but it comes out as a bittersweet huff as he thinks back to his first day sitting in the black lion alone after shiro's death. i know you wanted this for me, but i can't lead them like you. ... heh.
it didn't matter much in the end. it's true, keith never got the hang of leading like shiro, but he could still lead in his own way. but it's clearly not working here, so the best he can muster up is some genuine appreciation that if nothing else, shiro still believes in him. he doesn't yank the tablet out ofhis best friend's hands, and instead offers hima an earnest but wan smile. ]
... You already got your credits for comfort, you know. Doubt they're gonna give you more credits if you make me cry.
[ heh, looks like keith’s learned something else from him: diversion tactics. shiro loses that hard pinch to his brow and smiles in kind, the look of it honest, yet brittle. shiro can’t fault keith for avoiding the subject and going for the joke instead. it’s what i would’ve done, he thinks with some vague sense of levity. he can let keith have this though, at least for the moment. so he allows himself to be swept up in the tease by forcing a stronger smile. ]
Oh. In that case…
[ his mouth is on a slant, one side pulling harder. he trails off and lets it hang but ultimately taps out quickly with a playful roll of his eyes. once his gaze resettles on keith, everything softens all over again: the smile, the look, the voice. he pulls the tablet closer, almost hugging it to himself, not because he wants it, but to coax keith closer. ]
You can, you know.
[ cry. if that’s what keith needs to do to process what he’s feeling. shiro won’t tell. he won’t judge him for it either, because shiro wants to stay out of that group of people who mistreat keith. ]
It’s part of the best friend privilege. [ see, not two seconds and he’s going for the joke too, just to lighten the mood. ] Free access to a sturdy shoulder to cry on when needed.
[ keith's own smile is fragile, but it never falters. even when shiro takes the joke a bit more seriously than keith would have preferred, it ultimately makes him laugh just a little. there's more humor to it this time, but not by much. there's nothing wrong with crying, of course. but all things considered, having spoken to some of the other inmates here who enjoy porn prison, it feels.... stupid to be riled up over what most intimacy.
and besides -- his anonymous partner touches him just the right amount and leaves an overabudndance of privacy for keith to weather his own vulnerability. it works. prison can be worked around, at least when there aren't an army of sex robots that flood him with bad memories wandering around. ]
That the only privilege I get as your best friend?
[ so maybe he's not quite ready to have a serious conversation, but he steps in closer as shiro pulls the tablet to his chest and looks up with a half smile. he raises one arm to wind around shiro's shoulders, but pauses when he's reminded that he still has his paladin armor on. ]
Oh. Guess I should take this off.
[ since you know... he's capitulated on the idea of going alone. as much as staying put still gives him pins and needles, shiro's plan is a better one. pride doesn't have a place when it comes to serious discussions about infiltration and escape. keith steps back and begins pulling apart the pieces of armor, loosening up the chest plate and the arm guards. he heaves a sigh as he works, voice a little quiet and uncertain when he speaks up. ]
Hey, Shiro? What was your first time having sex like? Was it with someone you liked?
ok im assuming w the armor helpfulness, tell me if this isn't what you had in mind
[ no, of course not. keith’s got a whole list of privileges he can take full advantage of at any given moment, but before shiro can do more than shake his head, keith’s stopping short of pulling himself in. ah, yes, the armor. shiro doesn’t mind, truth be told. he’ll deal with bulky armor hard pressed against him, that’s not an issue when it comes to snagging a hug or a lean from keith. though, keith stripping it off does confirm that the abandonment of that little rendezvous plan. so, on second thought? ]
Yeah, maybe. You’ll be more comfortable.
[ shiro will be too. he’s relaxing already, now that keith’s fiddling with the guards and loosening the chest plate. every one of them has done this routine so many times now; keith more so, considering he’s a good leap further in the timeline than shiro is. even so, it’s cumbersome to get all the pieces off. he wants to help but doesn’t take the initiative to simple add his hands to the mix. he’s mulling over asking but then the focus is turning to him instead and any thought of aiding keith in his strip down is derailed.
again, he’s reminded of how little they’ve spoken of the more intimate details of their lives. not that shiro was ever going to discuss his sex and romantic life with an underage cadet, who also happened to be his mentee, but it’s surprising, he thinks, that he hasn’t divulged much information now that they’re in a sex prison. he could’ve said something to keith. given him tips? encouragement? some camaraderie of assurance that shiro didn’t have it all together the first time or the first few times, really, either?
he wets his lips in thought, part of him as agitated as he always is any time he’s put on the spot to open up about something he didn’t choose to bring up. but keith’s fragile right now. recognizing that makes shiro’s resistance weak. ]
I liked him, but not like that. I mean, we didn’t date. [ in other words? a friend of some varying degree of importance. low, to be honest; he’d been a flight mate, but one he ultimately drifted away from after they graduated to junior officers and shiro’s career picked up.
he’s barely started and – well, forget about him asking, shiro moves without thinking. doing something with his hands makes talking easier, perhaps more so because his gaze is away from keith’s face. ]
It was during one of the Garrison’s hell weeks. You remember those? [ lots of exams, both written and practical. forget the exams themselves; just the stress of preparing for everything was sometimes enough to weed out the cadets. he helps loosen the upper portion of the arm guards and helps when needed when keith starts pulling his arms out of each. ]
Well, we decided to blow off some steam and…
[ he leaves the obvious unsaid and steps more centered in front of keith. the chest plate is loose and split down the line that starts underneath the armpit. it separates the plate not into two pieces but into a different form. collar wide, it just takes a lift over the head to get the armor piece off. it’s heavy and bulky, especially with the jetpack housing, so shiro helps him through the lift and ultimately keeps hold of the armor once keith is free.
turning away, he places the whole thing down at the foot of the bed. a huffed laugh later and shiro turns back around, only to seat himself down on the bed as well. keith can handle the belt and leg guards. ]
I remember being nervous. [ a smile. ] You may be shocked to hear this but I was, by no means, a natural. Neither was Craig for that matter. [ he looks down to his feet, tapping one out, voice gentling. ] But even with all the fumbling, it was – nice.
[ keith isn't sure at what point taking off the armor became a group activity, but he doesn't put up any kind of struggle when shiro starts helping to lift the chest piece up and over his head. if anything, it briefly reminds him of that first day they were shown their paladin armor and had to work out how to put the alien battle armor on. in retrospect, that room had been an utter mess, huh? with hunk wondering how the hell the armor would even fit his body, pidge skirting around hoping not to draw any attention to missing boy bits, lance throwing him random stink eyes.... it really did seem like shiro was the only one who really belonged there in the first place. keith smiles, again a little wan. three years ago now. time flies whnen you spend two of those years stuck traversing a nightmarish zone of space-tine fuckery.
in a weird way, it's kinda nice to talk about life before voltron and the war with the galra swallowed their lives whole. what even was having other priorities like? it's a little alarming that it takes keith a moment to even remember the grind of the garrison. he watches shiro drop the armor down and take a seat, expression distant as he thinks. ]
I don't remember an Officer Craig.
[ maybe that's not surprising. keith hadn't exactly remembered the name of the loudest, brattiest cadet of their class either. frown deepening fractionally, keith presses the belt release and walks to the foot of the cot to set it down next to the chest piece. ]
What about it was nice?
Edited 2022-06-10 00:20 (UTC)
i'm sorry i didn't assume shiro helping keith strip completely
[ no surprise there. craig hadn’t run any classes or had much of any hands on with the cadets. actually, by the time keith showed up on the garrison grounds – ]
He transferred divisions. He wasn’t stationed at Galaxy Garrison.
[ unimportant detail in the grand scheme of things. truthfully, shiro hasn’t thought much at all of craig in the past seven, eight years now? nine? god, has it really been that long? dismissing the question without a solid answer, shiro watches keith place down the belt and then lifts one shoulder, his smile just as lopsided as that shrug. ]
Finding out that I could make someone feel really good? [ a beat, one that’s spent turning his face forward. ] Finding out that I could feel really good too.
[ despite not having it all together. despite being impatient and hasty. despite having a certain wristband monitor on his right. it was nice because it had been impulsive and freeing, like he’d been defying all the built up expectations he, as well as others, had placed on him. the perfect cadet. the sick patient. no, no titles. he’d only been shiro when he’d stripped down with craig. ]
[ keith's expression turns pensive as he takes a seat at the end of the cot and starts to loosen up his leg guards. on some level, it's a slight relief to hear that shiro hadn't exactly been in a relationship or even in love with the person he experienced his firsts with and can speak of it fondly. but even in knowing sex doesn't really hold any special meaning beyond what's socially ascribed to it, keith still has to wonder if being able to talk about it fondly is something he'll ever be able to with regards to his own firsts. even a two second exploration of the question leaves him metaphorically backing away, grimacing. ]
Guessing Craig didn't just avoid you for a week afterwards, huh?
[ the question slips out of him. keith blinks, then tries to walk it back with an unconving laugh. ]
Kidding. [ keith chews nervously at his lower lip as he pulls off the armor on his left leg off, followed by the right. ]
But I guess it's ... something. I don't know. I guess... I'm just not that interested if it's just about feeling good with someone? Which should make sex more appealing here because it's about going home, but ...I just feel dirty.
i just now realized shiro was last holding the tablet and i forgot about it
[ is he talking about him? maybe, maybe not? probably not. conversation had been mildly strained between them since keith’s punishment and sure, they hadn’t done the obvious thing of meeting up prior to the job fair and going together, but the entire unit of voltron hasn’t been operating like a team anyway. everyone seems to be doing their own things, which, honestly, is what shiro initially set them up to do: handle your own sentence sheets and check in periodically, while simultaneously gathering information about this place that can potentially be used for an early send home. lance has been delivering, keith too, at least in effort. shiro…? he may have spent too much time focused on the inmate population than finding actual cracks in the prison’s security.
or maybe that hadn’t been a poorly delivered slight against him. he just learned from lance that these two, in lance’s words, don’t really talk to each other anymore. more breaking news at 11, right. it does make him think of the network and lance’s punishment and keith’s guilt of not more than five minutes ago. did those two actually do something salacious, as keith had said, in what shiro initially took to be a joke.
… he really doesn’t want to get involved. he has his own mess to figure out with keith. namely, less about the actual tussle they had in shiro’s bed and more about shiro’s lingering thoughts on it. he thinks about it a tad more than he should, especially when he’s lying in his cot, reminding himself that keith came in that exact spot.
he glances to the tablet he totally placed on the cot because no, it didn’t mysteriously disappear from one tag to the next, though there’s nothing to see with the screen gone to sleep. how many people has keith been with now, he wonders. how many did he actually want to be with? ]
It would feel like that, huh? Especially when aphro is involved and it makes the decision for you.
[ like with him? shiro can’t be sure how much had actually been keith and how much had been the aphro talking. they only did the bare minimum clean up on the issue once keith’s system had cleared through and they’ve been playing this game of pretend it didn’t happen since, so… did shiro make keith feel dirty? ]
I’m sorry, Keith. [ he sighs, frowning to his lap. ] There isn’t much remedy for that when it isn’t about choice. [ a pause of hesitation. he shouldn’t bring it up if he made keith feel dirty… but what if it’s everyone else who is making him feel that way? maybe, maybe he can…? ] But I – … I can help. If you still wanted what you asked me to do before.
[ sorry isn't what keith was expecting to hear. if anyone owes the apology, surely it's keith for having violated the boundaries shiro had set. true, he may not have been in his right mind at the time, but that doesn't make it right that shiro had to put up with any of what he did or said that day. unconsciously, keith looks in shiro's direction, eyes wide but guarded with uncertainty ... only to flinch away from what follows. ]
Oh.....
[ Oh. like that's an adequate way to address the way his insides have suddenly gone hollow. as much as keith could have played up ambiguity, and acted like all of what happened that day in shiro's cube is lost to aphrodisiac haze, the one syllable instantly betrays that keith knowsexactly what shiro is referencing.
his turn to look down at his lap. hands gripping his knees tight, keith tries not to feel any particular thing. it's fucking impossible from the outset. so much of what had prompted him to bend over and press his ass to the door for anon had to do with no longer wanting to hold onto past desires, moving on from unreasonable expectations and of course, finally ending that selfish streak that was likely needling at shiro's guilty conscience. shiro doesn't have to take care of him in any capacity and that's something keith means sincerely.
his expression fractures, forwning as he chews his lower lip. all of that put into perspective, he doesn't regret what he did with anonymous that day. but it's in knowing that shiro did mull that over in the days afterwards that keith can't shake the surge of guilt bubbling in his stomach. ]
.... Shiro, I should have never said that. You weren't comfortable with me and I didn't mean to make you feel obligated to ... do something like that for me. I was wrong and selfish.
[ this isn’t the way he wanted it to go. not that he had much of a plan beyond this; this being a half-formed, somewhat ambiguous offer. what is he offering? to take keith through his first time that way so he feels more comfortable being vulnerable with someone? or is he implying he can take care of some of those sentence requirements? shiro isn’t entirely sure what position he’s placed himself in. the only thing he knows is that keith feels dirty and is struggling and, well, shiro wants to help. needs to, even. there’s little chance of shiro being able to focus on much else if he’s too busy worrying over keith’s state of mind.
seems like he’s only succeeded in making keith more uneasy though. nice one, shirogane.
shiro frowns unhappily, still staring at his lap as keith finishes up. wrong and selfish rubs him uncomfortably, and immediately, he shakes his head, lifting his gaze to look to keith at the end of the cot. ]
You were hopped up on aphro. [ he’s adamant about that. whatever that machine used on keith, it was far stronger than what shiro got hit with in the library. and shiro, with his baby two sprays ended up doing a lot worse than the erotic displays keith put on in the privacy of shiro’s cube. ]
Like I said before, I don’t hold anything you said or did against you. I only wanted to take care of you, not take advantage of you.
[ which he still thinks he did. at the very least, he’d been too weak to prevent keith from taking what he needed. the more egregious sin here, however, is that shiro keeps thinking back to keith’s presented ass and the feel of him squirming and mewling underneath him. he tells himself the offer is made purely with keith’s benefit in mind, but maybe it’s not. maybe it’s for shiro too. ]
[ keith swallows, wrinkling and then smoothing out his yoga pants with the clench and release of his fingers. is it cowardice that his eyes are still focused on his lap? probably. but he doesn't find it in him to adjust his gaze and smile over towards his best friend. ]
I know you don't hold it against me. I guess ... I just feel like I wronged you anyway. Not just because of what I did, but ... in saying things that'd trip you up on guilt? I mean, I meant what I said, but I shouldn't have said it. I know you had your preferred way of handling all this and... [ he winces, thinking briefly of the network post that shiro had responded to. ] ... wel, it clearly didn't involve me. You just want to do the sentences with strangers, right?
[ not waiting for an answer, keith lifts his head and partly looks over his shoulder towards shiro. ]
So... you should keep doing that if that's what makes you most comfortable. [ a beat, followed by a deeper sigh. ] I can take care of myself. I thought about it and just.. went for it, you know? Found a guy who agreed to my terms for it and everything.
[ he nods silently, not even registering that keith isn’t looking at him until a beat or two afterwards. right, his initial plan had been picking strangers and vetting them for basic human decency, before going through with the community service. the plan is straightforward and, for the most part, easy. once the act is done, he can walk away from the interaction without ever having to revisit it outside of a few unpleasant memories. the paladins are a different story. while the more obvious choice due to established trust and familiarity, they actually matter to shiro, which is precisely why he wants them to keep them at arm’s length. he doesn’t want anything muddling up the relationship he has with each of them, not when the ability to form voltron hinges on the connection they have.
so much for that, huh? he shouldn’t be surprised that his plan has fallen apart a few, short weeks into his sentence. this was never going to be easy. not for him and especially not for the team; not everyone operates under the idea that the ends justify the means. kill anyone and anything put opposite him in the arena in order to survive? done. whore himself out in order to gain his freedom? sure. his stomach roils sickly, his expression darkening. he never stopped to think of it in those terms and now that he has, he thinks this must be how keith feels: dirty.
he’ll deal though. he’ll power through as he always does with a combination of disregard for himself and an intense fixation on the goal. so it’s fine. it’s okay. he’s not the one he’s worried about here. it’s keith and the team’s ability to come out of this as close to unscathed as they are realistically able to. so –
found a guy.
he’s already looking in keith’s direction but he seems to come to, the slight distance in his gaze clearing. it takes another moment for the facts to slot into place. ]
Wait, I thought…
[ he’d been so assured that the biggest obstacle to overcome here, would be making the offer itself. he didn’t think the problem would be that keith no longer needed him. that he’d found someone else. he pauses on the thought, repeating it back to himself and inwardly cringing. is that a problem? why does he consider that a problem? isn’t this a good thing? should be. it aligns with his original plan. then why does he sound so disappointed? ]
[ shiro's disappointment can be a subtle thing when he wants it to be. this isn't one of those instances. subconsciously keith stops breathing as shiro's tone and demeanor shifts with comprehension from surprise to downcast.
an extended beat and keith finally breathes again, but finds the burn in his chest doesn't ebb with the flow of air. why would shiro be disappionted if he no longer has to go through with something he obviously found objectionable? or if not objectionable, at least not his preference? and if shiro is disappointed, then why does that echo and hurt?
trust. you said you only trusted me. ]
Oh....
[ the word's quiet, his expression coloring over with guilt he can't explain because -- ]
You are...? [ heat blooms across keith's cheeks, knowing that it has to sound like the worst lie he's ever told and yet, he only repeats it even more fervently as he turns to face shiro. [ You are., okay? Look. I realize that sounds fake, but I mean it. I ... [ the flush deepens , spreading to the tips of his ears as keith glances down at the cot. ] .. I needed a lot of stipulations in place in order to be okay with it.
[ a beat, then he steals the tiniest glance up at shiro. ]
[ keith’s right. that does sound fake, like a pity consolation pat on the back of, no really, you’re great. there’s a very loud but not being said here. shiro hears it anyway. but shiro took too long. who knew a handful of days would be taking too long when keith’s been here for almost two months, navigating aphrodisiacs and wacky obstacles. and who knew, finding someone equally trustworthy to shiro, who’s spent years fostering a relationship with keith, would come so easily. he’s being unfair, he knows in his gut he’s making a mountain out of a molehill, but he’s a little sore, okay? he’s supposed to mean something to keith, just like shiro holds keith in a completely different regard than anyone else. he’s supposed to be special. but he’s just as replaceable, huh? all it takes are a few stipulations and anyone can stand in for shiro, huh?
what does that even mean? he twists his lips on an unhappy grimace and stares down at his lap, feeling keith’s eyes on him but refusing to look up. he didn’t want to do anything with his friends, remember? he tries to console himself with the reminder. it works and it doesn’t; it eases the frown off his face but it doesn’t soften that uneasiness in his chest or the tightness that has his sternum feeling weighted, everything seemingly collapsing in on each breath.
his response is a few seconds late; he spends that time being sure his voice is mild-tempered and smooth. still, he doesn’t look up. ]
Whatever you needed to do, I’m glad it worked out for you.
[ it is true, to an extent. he only wants the best for keith. if this is how he wanted to go about sharing his body, then so be it. keith doesn’t owe shiro a damn thing. emotions are, unfortunately, complicated, hypocritical things though. weirdly enough, it makes him think of black and how blindsided he’d been when after having settled into the belief that black chose him to lead voltron, he’d been spit out like trash once zarkon showed up. god, is he seriously comparing the struggle over black to keith not truly trusting him with his virginity? pathetic.
well, if he’s certain of anything, it’s that he’s more invested in this than he was ever meant to be. so perhaps it’s best if he sticks with the original plan, especially since it doesn’t seem to matter much to keith anymore. ]
Maybe he can help you with the rest of your community service.
[ keith falters, already uncertain expression fracturing further with the burgeoning sense of rejection. ... why? he couldn't fucking say. it's not like shiro had ever put helping with his sentences on the table of options before, so having it confirmed that it continues to not be an option isn't a rejection, merely a repetition of known facts. still, that doesn't stop keith from thinking any better when he opens his mouth to speak. ]
What? No.
[ the refusal comes out more empathic that keith meant, but save for a slight dial down in volume keith doesn't take back the sentiment as a whole. he won't lie -- anon had put him at ease for a lot of things, but that was because making it stop was always as simple as a step away. no grabbing hands, no holding him in place to take it, no judging eyes to drink in keith's vulnerability. he shudders visibly. ]
I don't want that, Shiro.
[ but does that mean he wants that with shiro? wasn't he just chastising himself for being selfish and unfairly enrcoraching on shiro's boundaries by wrongfully appealing to his best friend's guilty conscience? keith shuts his mouth, then looks away. ]
[ the up tick in volume does the trick: it has shiro snapping his head up and finally looking away from his lap. no? that’s… surprising. with the way keith has been cagey about forced intimacy and how he’d carried on about trust while sky high on aphro, shiro automatically assumed that if he’d found someone capable of keeping him at ease, then he’d simply remain paired off with this person. it makes sense that he would… so why wouldn’t he?
brows knotted and eyes slightly narrowed with perplexion, shiro watches keith carefully. one, two, three, four, he keeps his gaze right where it is, even as keith looks away. the brush off is expected, though he can’t decide if it’s meant as a shifting of blame or as a method of consoling himself through a missed opportunity. heh, not that being with shiro would have been any sort of prize. it would have, at the very least, been easier. no stipulations, right?
the thing is, it’s entirely false. he can’t blame keith too harshly; shiro of a month ago had been keen on believing that as well. wait, no, that’s not quite right. shiro of a month ago had been keen on not helping keith with his sentence, true, but specifics like that don’t stand up against the more generalized i will never give up on you. if keith’s struggling… if keith doesn’t feel right with himself… if he needs something from shiro, even shiro himself, then…
shiro exhales a heh, cracking a slanted grin. it’s funny and it’s not funny at all. ]
Keith. [ he shakes his head slow and brief, gaze shifting to the opposite wall. ] There isn’t a whole lot I wouldn’t do, if you truly needed me.
[ a moment to let that hang weighty and meaningful between them, and then he stomps right over it. ]
[ keith stares a moment too long in stunned silence after shiro finishes speaking. the tight feeling in his chest is entirely irrational and yet it spreads and spreads, keeping keith locked in its vice grip as he wades through what the fuck that he's even feeling right now.
everything is overblown. they're talking about sexual intimacy between them which, up until a month ago, was never an issue that was on or off the table. fuck, there was no goddamn table at all. they'd simply been two friends who looked out for each other, cared for each other, become each other's family. not even a war or death had changed that. so what exactly is it that's needling him?
honestly, keith doesn't have it sorted by the time he blurts the words out. ]
I don't have it figured out. [ he furrows his brow, leaning across the bed to grab shiro's shoulder. ] But you're right. I didn't need you for that.
[ he swallows, but holds eye contact steady. so that's it, huh? need. keith takes a deep breath, finding greater resolve with his next breath. need. no. if the last couple of years has taught keith anything at all, from shiro's "pilot error" death, to his actual death, it's that keith doesn't technically need shiro at all. life goes on, he's found. miserably, and with guilt and grief and mourning, but it marches on and keith can lead a team of four other paladins in battle and win despite feeling gutted and lonely.
the fight at the abandoned facility when he could have let the clone fall to save himself... that hadn't been about need either. bringing shiro back from the infinite void of the black lion, pleading with his unconscious body as his quintessence risked rejection.... fuck. a thousand different feelings cut raw at at once, knowing this shiro may never know the depth and intensity of feeling keith has reserved only for him, but it has to be better this way, right?
keith grips shiro's shoulder tight, violet eyes imploring for even a shred of understanding and connection. ]
I'm not some kid with scuffed knuckles who needs to be guided under your wing, Shiro.
[ a beat. ]
But I wanted you. [ still want you? his grip loosens fractionally as he swallows.] It's okay that you don't want me back like that, but I mean every word I'm saying.
[ that sure stings. shiro’s been thinking, even saying the words himself: keith doesn’t need him. yet, hearing the same repeated back cuts deeper than anything shiro could’ve done to himself. shiro’s the one to break eye contact first and that’s fitting, he supposes. at least he isn’t so cowardly to fold into himself and stare down at the bed; he simply looks away. even a tighter grip doesn’t draw him back in. he’s shuffling expectations and assumptions, aligning himself to a new plan forming in his head, one that comes together quicker with each thing keith says.
not a kid? shiro knows that. he’s sorry if he’s made it sound like that. this keith is different. older. more mature and more confident. that’s plain to see even with all the prison curveballs continually off-setting his footing. hell, even before all this, shiro entrusted the future of voltron to keith. so no, definitely not a child and any guiding shiro’s provided has been offered on account of genuine care and concern, not because he believes keith a temperamental loose cannon, in constant need of surveillance and direction. he must’ve fudged it up, though. maybe he’s kept too close to the idea of team voltron and him being its leader, when he should have been more focused on simply being a friend.
doesn’t matter either way, keith didn’t need him. still doesn’t need him.
honestly, he’s still hazy on the source of his disappointment here, but he’s stubbornly stuck in the feeling, hearing wanted and immediately thinking past tense. right, he wanted him then because of the aphrodisiac. the grip loosens and shiro still doesn’t look at him, instead finding the opposite wall again and thinking, this is it. this is the moment. keith’s been honest and now it’s shiro’s turn to be honest too.
would it also be okay if i did?
it’s there in his mind and on his tongue, ready to be said and change everything between them. except, he overthinks it. he’s not as brave as keith is, not in prodding at the carefully constructed parameters of invaluable relationships. all of this sounds like a gentle letdown; like keith has moved on from whatever ignited between them in shiro’s cube. shiro’s tried to move on too but he’s lagging. he just needs more time. he just – ]
I don’t want to jeopardize anything between us. [ it already feels a little ruined, doesn’t it? he doesn’t want more of this feeling. ] So I think it’s best if we don’t.
[ shiro looks away, but keith turns away. it couldn't' be less subtle if keith were trying as he withdraws back to his section of the cot, hands pressed firmly over his knees. once again, a basic repetition of established fact shouldn't mean anything new, but he feels ill in the knowledge that everything he feels is entirely one-sided.
shiro is happier messing around with anyone who puts out the network that isn't being punished in some way and well -- that's a facet of his best friend that keith clearly never knew a damn thing about. or who even knows. what's there to say that this shiro isn't from a different reality entirely and this roiling disappointment keith feels is nothing more than the by product of being held emotionally captive by a familiar looking face?
wouldn't be the first time it's fucking happened after all. ]
Yeah. I guess sex does have a way of messing everything up.
[ whether you have it or not. fucking hilarious. agitation ramps up and keith kicks out his legs and gets to his feet. the agreement comes entirely flat toned and deliberately uninterested.]
[ well shit. this went south fairly quickly. actually, not just south. it’s crashing and burning into the side of a fucking mountain right now. coward that he is, shiro only looks up with the shift of the cot and stares after keith’s back. a little ruined, he’d thought not more than ten seconds ago. that’s generous. now there’s a distinct fracture in place, one that shiro has a sudden overwhelming feeling of dread for. this is repairable, isn’t it? this isn’t done, right? they’ll be fine.
surely.
funnily enough, shiro’d been thinking this is how keith should have gone out from the get-go. all black. it hits differently here, because it punctuates the fact that keith wants so badly to get away from this conversation, even shiro himself, that he’s not even thinking of his state of dress anymore. skin tight and barely anything at all, it’s a ridiculous way to take a walk.
so maybe they won’t be fine.
the confession he swallowed back returns to him and he thinks, should’ve been honest, right before his mouth parts, his lungs fill, and he blurts out: ]
I can’t stop thinking about you, okay?
[ how he’d looked. how he’d felt underneath him. shiro can still hear him too. he’d hoped admitting as much would feel liberating, like a catharsis. but it isn’t. it only adds fuel to that agitated, jittery unease, of feeling out of depth and out of control. but see? see? keith isn’t alone in this, so don’t leave shiro here to deal with the damage alone either. ]
Just… [ he can never quite escape the urge to hesitate. he always tries to think things through first and measure out his words, but here, he’s breaking overriding the habit, leaving everything to come out rushed and slightly fumbled. ] I wanted you too. I still do. And I don’t know what to do with that.
[ keith was never getting out of his own cube without shiro getting in another jab. he's known his best friend long enough to know the guy isn't intimidated into resigned silence when keith abruptly slams on the brakes and signals to be left alone. it's a double edged sword. keith knows himself enough to realize he's doing a bad job of keeping his temper in check, but doubtless shiro's going to find fault in his need to take a step back.
doubtless. or so he thought.
shiro instead has his own outburst and for once, it's not measured disappointment, a veiled lecture or some prescriptive commentary about his trashfire of a sex life with a partner he doesn't know anything about. instead, it may well be the only fucking real thing shiro's said to him since that day in his cube.
keith stops. the abruptness of it is about as smooth as his forcequit of an exit. i can't stop thinking about you. the air feels physically squeezed out of his lungs as keith tries to keep himself stitched together. i wanted you. i still do. it should all come as a relief, but there's a band of pressure wrapped tight around his head that keeps keith facing away from shiro, expression vacant in its despair. ]
Why couldn't you just say that?
[ the words come out hissed, frustration with shiro bleeding into his frustration with lance and the prison at large. fuck. ]
Why did you have to make this about a breach of confidence? How can you possibly think any of these nobody's stuck here could ever be as important to me as you are? WHy do you have to make it my fault? Why do you have to make me beg for you to understand?
[ it would probably be a bad move to shrug his shoulders right about now. no sense in looking more like a fool, yeah? because that’s how shiro feels: foolish. he’s twenty-five years old and feels like he’s forty with how much growing up he’s had to do in the past couple of years. one would think, for how mature and put together he presents himself as, he’d realize that open communication is a necessity to any relationship. it’s what he’s always encouraging his team of having, isn’t it? be honest, be open, be willing to support one another. unresolved disagreements and faulty assumptions lead to chaos, and voltron can’t operate if any one of them is feeling misaligned from the group.
amazing. shiro’s been trying to preserve the team by not getting involved and yet, he’s made a mess of his strongest bond. quite a feat to pull off; congratulations, shirogane.
still, even with all this self-chastising, keith’s frustration gives rise to shiro’s own and while he doesn’t hit the same level as keith, he does wrinkle his nose, slam down his brow and huff back: ]
I didn’t make you do anything.
[ hurled one after the other, the amount of questions are seemingly endless. the last one rubs wrong the most, but one, two beats and the frustrated spike lulls into a feeling more manageable. he sighs heavily. ]
I wasn’t trying to hurt you or whatever you think it is I was doing. [ he still hasn’t moved from the cot, still sitting there, still hoping keith will come back on his own accord. ] I thought staying away would be better for us in the long run.
[ unfortunately for shiro, keith neither turns to look in his direction or comes a single step closer towards the cot. to his credit, keith listens to everything shiro has to say, but the defensiveness is suffocating to endure. is shiro even listening or is he more interested in didactics? teeth grit, keith clenches then unclenches his fists, exhaling long and slow. ]
What I think you're doing is finding reasons not to be honest with me and I'm tired of it. First Lance, now you. I trust you more than anyone, you know? It feels really fuckign bad that I have more of a clue what random strangers want out of me and why than people who call themselves my friends. [ a beat. ] In your case, my best friend.
So no, I don't think you're trying to hurt me. You're just impossible to read. That's all.
[ that’s unfair. shiro is opening up. he admitted to the one thing he’s been trying to deny himself: wanting keith. does that count for anything? apparently not. shiro bites his tongue to keep the frustration at bay and then draws in a deep breath through his nose, holding the air in his lungs for a few extra ticks before exhaling slow.
patience yields focus, heh. keep it together. think it through. don’t snap back.
shiro repeats his favorite mantra once, twice more and just like that, something gives inside him. his shoulders slump and exhaustion takes; he doesn’t want to fight. he’s never wanted to fight with keith. so have a quiet, miserable sounding: ]
[ keith goes quiet, still not budging from the spot he's rooted himself to. ask me anything opens up an entire floodgate worth of potential that keith no longer even knows what he wants to do with. it would help if he were allowed to put himself back together and be alone for a while to evaluate his own wants and desires, but given the uphill battle just to get to this point of transparency, keith doesn't trust it to stay open for long. ]
What am I to you?
[ a loaded question perhaps, but it's the easiest place to start. ]
[ my best friend. is the obvious answer. my family. is the less expected but just as true response. shiro’s grown to value each member of team voltron, but those newly forged friendships are nowhere near as invaluable to him as his connection with keith. keith’s the one who’s been there before and after. before kerberos, before voltron, before shiro became some changed thing that even he doesn't recognize some days. and even then, he’s stuck around after it all…
or did, up until a few minutes ago. now shiro isn’t so sure if that’ll remain true. and that’s a gut-churning thought because: ]
[ there are any number of answers to that question. best friend. paladin of voltron. right hand. obviously, whatever differences there are between their realities, some things have just held true. enough of them really, that keith can't bring himself to tell shiro about the end of their fight with xarkon. more repetition of commonly held facts would at least set some kind of grounding for this spiraling feeling at the pit of keith's stomach, but he doesn't get told he's a soldier or a friend.
you’re the one person I can’t stand to lose.
keith actually startles somewhat, enough so that he turns to look over his shoulder at shiro with a truly miserable expression on his face. has shiro always felt this way? keith searches his memor. sure, shiro had told him way back when that he wanted keith to lead, that he believes in keith, but this goes a hell of a lot deeper than that.
nobody's ever said anything like this to him. not when he left team voltron after the clone's discovery. hell, even after that stunt he pulled on naxzella, most of what he heard was justifiable outrage over the stupidity of his kamikaze strategy to take down haggar's cruiser.
keith stares, something inside him fracturing further into tiny pieces as he offers up a faint smile and shakes his head. ]
That kinda sounds like ...
[ you need me. keith trails off, realization hitting like a sledgehammer to the back of his head. need. is that why shiro had turned sour and cold out of nowhere? needing someone had always been dirty to keith. needing like a child needs a lost parent. keith looks down, biting hard on the inside of his cheek. ]
You're not gonna lose me if you never give up on me, you know?
[ it's meant as a joke, but there's something choked up and vulnerable in keith's tone of voice. he turns then, head bowed and again feeling guilty and exhausted. ]
....doubly so because I'm never giving up on you. Just... I had a really bad day, Shiro. I can't deal with you questioning who you are to me any more than you can, okay?
[ oh. there’s a smile. it’s tiny, sure, but shiro can work with that and he does, quickly. all it takes is a glimpse of it and shiro perks up in his seat, a smile appearing on his own face in answer. hopeful and eager, shiro doesn’t have it in him to mask the way he’s hanging off of keith’s every word. keith doesn’t even finish that statement, but shiro doesn’t chase for an ending. he keeps thinking patience and please, and is ultimately rewarded by keith turning around.
silently, he bobbles his head, though the reassurance he’s supposed to feel doesn’t follow it; is it actually that easy to keep keith? shiro’s faith and support for keith is what shiro himself is certain in. he doesn’t envision ever giving up on keith, not after all these years and obstacles. but things change. who knows what the future holds? keith knows, assuming shiro’s reality follows the same or similar to this keith’s history. not for the first time, shiro wonders if something happened in the gap, something that’s rattled them and the team, because something about the thickness of keith’s voice and the way he won’t look up from the floor gives him the distinct feeling that there’s more to never give up on me and i’ll never give up on you.
no. he’s overthinking it. just like he’s been overthinking everything of the past ten minutes. the smile is long gone and he’s back to his impression of a kicked puppy; nonetheless, he powers through the miserable, awkward feeling that follows any unfinished argument. because it is unfinished; they’re calling a truce but shiro doesn’t know where they are on the offer or if they’re actually fine. it’s time to stop being selfish with keith though, huh? ]
Okay.
[ he watches keith in the following pause, everything about his best friend’s body language bothering him. so, wow, look at that, shiro finally remembers that he has working legs. up on his feet now, shiro crosses the room and closes the distance, pausing an arm’s reach in front of him. he frowns, voice gentle. sincere. ]
I’m sorry for making today worse. [ goes without saying that that’s the direct opposite of what he initially came here to do. ] You can kick me out if it’ll make you feel better, I’d deserve it, but… [ just as he’d done earlier, he holds out his right hand. ] If I gave you a hug, would you consider forgiving me?
[ again, just like before keith glances down at the extended hand. what's there to consider is the immediate question that comes to mind, but even keith doesn't know if that's a vote of confidence in their friendship or if it's a shade bitter. what is true, however? ]
You know I can't stay mad at you for long.
[ he huffs, again managing a small smlile. when he reaches for shiro's hand, however, his grip is firm and he steps in for a solid hug. ]
Breaks the universe or something..
[ it's facetiously worded, but there's truth behind that, too. keith doesn't really know what he'd be doing if he were stuck in porn prison and not on speaking terms with his best friend. he sighs, and where the usual etiquette of their routine dictates that it's time to step back, keith stays in the hug. there are things he ought to say, perhaps. let shiro know that he's also been doing a lot of thinking about that day, and not completely in terms of his own humiliation., but with both his brain and words failing him, keith doesn't hazard an attempt. ]
[ breaks the universe, heh, maybe. which universe though? this one? or the one they actually know? at the very least, shiro’s own, personal universe would feel a little broken if a falling out stuck between them. he laughs though, because it’s less painful to play it off like a joke, like it doesn’t actually sting to consider what being shut out by his best friend would feel like. it’s easier to forget it entirely when, in the next moment, keith settles into their patented hug.
the movements are second nature and it all goes smoothly, with shiro winding his free arm around keith. this time, he doesn’t have the armor to contend with and boy, what a difference it makes. keith tucks in with ease and shiro’s struck amazed by how nice it feels. it always feels nice; this isn’t the first time they’ve done it out of the armor either. there’s nothing particularly different about it, and yet, it seems – better…? like they fit more together.
that’s sappy, huh?
either way, it’s nice and it’s good and as such, shiro is reluctant to relax the bend of his arm. keith doesn’t seem to be in much of a rush to follow their usual protocol either. both curious and encouraged by this, shiro continues to hold keith in and soon, he loses track of how long they stand there, holding and leaning into each other. unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. after so much time, inevitably, finally, shiro remembers really bad day and decides it’s time to move this along to hopefully accomplish what he came here to do: ensure keith takes care of himself.
with that in mind, the bend relaxes, though the hand doesn’t leave keith. he slides his arm down to rest mid-torso on keith’s side and he pulls back, just enough to get a look at keith’s face. ]
So, now that we have that straightened out…
[ tentatively, he smiles a wider, more encouraging smile. ]
How about you skip the walk and tuck in for the night? [ half expecting keith to say no, he hardly pauses for breath, tacking on a hasty: ] Like you said, it’s been a rough day. Sleep will do you good.
[ time passes in silence, but rather than feeling stifled, keith actually appreciates it. bodies pressed close and chin resting on a shoulder, keith closes his eyes. actually lets himself relax in the warm circle of shiro's arms and lets the day start to melt away. it's nice like this, he thinks. the extended contact isn't exactly new and they've certainly been far closer than this, but this time it's invited. the thoughts that start to get away from him, however? a little less so.
see, he's starting to wonder yet again, what intimacy could really be like if it started and ended this way, all tender and soft rather than staring down a balsa wood door and eyeing whatever body part is pressed up to the slot. it's a dangerous thought to be having, which is in part why keith doesn't resist when shiro finally ends the hug and pulls away.
getting a grip on himself, keith blinks and empties his head. shiro's right to think he doesn't want to abandon the walk, but after their argument keith isn't ready to say goodbye to the smile tugging on shiro's lips. he sighs inwardly, taking an additional half step back, expression a pinch melancholy despite his half smile. ]
You want me to be a good boy, huh.
[ ... heh. fuck. maybe he's not so done reflecting on his time with anonymous. his smile goes briefly sardonic before keith shakes his head, teasing a pinch airily. ]
[ it’s not an unusual saying. good boy. it’s unoriginal and common, shiro’s heard it in television shows, in passing conversation, in friendly ribbing. heck, people use it all the time with their pets. point is, there’s nothing unique about it that should rattle shiro. it’s keith though. it’s keith teasing shiro if he wants him to be a good boy. a good boy like shiro was for someone else not so long ago…? no, not that kind of good boy; of course, there’s nothing nefarious about this. he knows that and yet, he slips up and gives in for a damning moment, mind committing to memory the exact pitch and drawl of keth’s voice in saying good boy.
the next teasing comes and shiro’s a pinch delayed in a smooth reaction. throat feeling dry, he swallows and holds eye contact, before forcing a smile that he hopes is mostly believable. ]
Yeah.
[ that’s the main hurdle. once he says that and removes all touch from keith, it’s easier to focus on the prime objective here: getting keih into bed. so he turns away and backtracks to the cot. the armor is moved to the floor and the tablet is snatched up in his left while he bends down to pull back the blanket. he straightens up and pivots halfway to glance toward keith, gesturing with his metal hand to the cot in a wordless climb in.
as for the rest? he’ll smile something more genuine and far sweeter this time. ]
Humor me?
Edited (there's a weird gap of space at the bottom of the tag, it bothers me) 2022-06-16 18:36 (UTC)
[ keith raises an eyebrow as shiro lifts the blanket, amusement tugging the corners of his lips upwards. for starters, he can't decide if the implicit expectation that he should sleep in his under-suit is intentional or oversight. intentional might be contextually correct, considering stripping down even further also has implied intimacy that might be best left untouched.
given another beat however, and keith decides he doeesn't care what shiro's getting at. humor me he said, and that's compelling in its own right. ]
Okay.
[ so he cralws into his cot, obediently like a very good boy and lies down, still with the half amused smile on his lips. the look turns decidedly more sheepish when keith looks up at his best friend from this particular angle, but the smile holds nonetheless. ]
[ shiro appreciates keith’s playing along. he’s thankful too, because keith’s being generous with him. it wasn’t so long ago that keith was saying he can take care of himself. playful as all this is, it’s still a show of coddling, and so, even with all his silent reassurances to himself, shiro doesn’t fully relax until keith is on the cot, on his back, and looking up at him with a smile.
sir.
shiro huffs a soft, amused sound. of all things to call him… – he shakes his head, smile tugging harder to one side and plumping that cheek round. ]
Now… [ he grabs the edge of the blanket and pulls it over keith, lying it high, right around his collarbones. ]
We tuck.
[ leaning over keith and with one one hand on each side, shiro bunches material underneath keith with hard shoves of his fingers, outlining the shape of keith’s arms from shoulders to mid-forearms. all the while saying: ]
And we burrito. [ though, this isn’t much of a burrito, is it? he can’t exactly roll keith into the blanket. so, he’ll laugh and amend: ] Or I guess this would be better called enchiladaing.
[ the fact that shiro is a giant dork when he's not trying to play team leader is no secret, but it's a side of his best friend that keith hasn't seen in what feels like a lifetime. big exaggeration, of course. four years is more accurate. a year of shiro lost to kerberos and the galra, a year of war, half of which had been hijacked by an imposter clone trying to kill them all. then two years spent in the quantum abyss. it's kind of depressing how little time they've actually managed to spend together just being friends, huh?
even more depressing when you consider porn prison is the first "break" they've gotten from dealing with existential, nihilistic threats to the cosmos.
the thoughts should really be more bothersome, and yet as soon as shiro starts digging his fingers in to smoosh as much blanket under his body, keith and rolls his eyes affectionately. ]
Now you're just making me hungry, Shiro.
[ how long has it been since he's stuffed an enchilada in his mouth anyway? yet another thought best not had at all. ]
You're supposed to make me want to stay in bed, not entertain thoughts of slipping into dietary.
[ he entertains the idea of continuing on to tuck the blanket all the way down to keith’s heels, but he gives up after two more tucks, that end somewhere around keith’s wrists. hungry? for a split second, he has the irrational feeling of guilt. he’s not sure when keith last ate but considering all that happened, he’s certain he skipped dinner. so should shiro run an errand…?
the question has hardly formed and certainly hasn’t been answered by the time he shifts his gaze to keith’s face. seeing the affection there eases that sudden bit of tension and then he’s piggybacking on the joke, clicking his tongue. ]
Hey, no.
[ blanket abandoned, shiro’s got two free hands; look out. he’ll only be using one though, his left, to push his palm flat to the top of keith’s head and fan his fingers out to tangle and ruffle keith’s hair to oblivion. ]
Get those thoughts outta your head.
[ he gives keith’s hair another two ticks of destruction, just to thoroughly pulverize the thought out of his brain, before he relaxes and lets go. he’s grinning wide and shittily by the end of it, voice light. ]
[ keith squirms as best he can to avoid those meddling fingers, tipping his head back on the pillow with a laugh that's almost too earnest in its simplicity. stripped of all context, keith could even see this playing out back at galaxy garrison. just one scrawny cadet looking to pilfer a midnight snack and not getting a proper reprimand from the junior officers on account of having snuck out together to look at an a rare aurora late at night anyway.
but of course, it's never gonna be that simple ever again, huh? keith grins up, happy and yet feeling caught on some precipice. maybe the truth of it is that he doesn't want things to go back to the way they used to be. it's a daunting thought, but having shiro hover above him smiling down feels right in ways that are part mortifying and yet ... soothing?
he relaxes, shaking his head to let his bangs fall more naturally across his face. ]
[ a tick is all it takes for keith to register what he said and how it must have sounded. the look of dawning realization is about as subtle as an exploding rocket launcher. ]
I --uh.. [fuck. eyes wide, keith chokes on air, stammering through the sudden acceleration of his heart. ] Sleeping literally, I mean. You know. Like we both close our eyes and just do the normal falling asleep thing. Just.. together.
[< a beat.]
In the same cot. Even though it'll be kind of cramped and ....
[ shiro’s got bragging rights for quite a few monumental feats: top of his class, youngest pilot to fly a deep space mission, champion, leader of voltron. he’s accomplished and he’s proud; he’s done a lot more than a pubescent diagnosis initially prescribed for his future. right up there with all of that though? he counts stubborning his way past keith’s spiky, no entry, back the fuck off walls as a pretty impressive victory as well. right here, right now, he feels blessed... lucky. he isn’t so narcissistic to believe he’s the only one who ever gets to see keith open and vulnerable, but there is something rare about keith stripped down to the soft aspects of himself, completely unapologetic in his happiness as he grins and laughs and –
blurts out unfiltered questions.
shiro has just begun retucking the loosened edges of the blanket back underneath keith’s shoulders when the question comes. he pauses mid tuck and glances to keith’s face, curiosity furrowing his brow. it’s keith’s reaction that does him in. shiro feeds off of it immediately. keith’s all wide eyes, choked sounds and stammering words, and it’s impossible for shiro to not have his own heart kick up in its beats, face growing warm with every added explanation.
it should be working the opposite way, shouldn’t it? obviously keith hadn’t meant it that way, so why is everyone flustering here? because, the fact that it needs to be explained at all is telling in its own way. against all rhyme and reason, shiro’s mind drifts to the more perverse interpretation and – no. nope. that’s what got them into the whole mess from earlier. ]
I…
[ it’s a mistake. he should never start talking before he’s thought it through. he catches himself, but the one word hangs heavy between them, accompanied by shiro’s surprised, wide eyes and pinker cheeks. at least keith is too busy trying to hide to analyze whatever the hell it is shiro’s face is doing. though, keith hiding sobers him slightly and then he’s thinking, no, he doesn’t want keith’s happiness swallowed up by this. he misses that grin and that laugh already.
so, he holds the stare a beat longer and then exhales. ] Heh. [ he finally withdraws his hands, though one stays behind to playfully flick at keith’s ear. ] After all my hard work too. I think you just want an excuse to be de-encaladaed.
[ perhaps he’s trying too hard to smooth this over with a joke. but it’s the best he can manage in the immediate aftermath. he needs another fill of his lungs to gather himself – and to commit himself to the decision – but then he’s softening his voice and bleeding it dry of the teasing notes. ]
[ forget about hiding his face in the pillow, keith rather wishes the earth could swallow him whole right about now. wishful thinking like that never goes anywhere though, and the best he can manage is simply avoiding whatever face shiro is making at him. this whole conversation has been nothing but a string of mixed, confusing messages that aren't any closer to getting resolved. the last thing keith wants right now is for whatever mess they just barely managed to pull themselves out of to come back full throttle with continued resentment and disappointment.
heart thumping loud in his chest, he actually twitches when there's a flick at his ear, reflex making keith stop trying to hide to look before he's ready. he misses an obvious beat when shiro leads with an unexpected joke. the expected chastising for nonadherence to the normal bounds of their friendship either, despite shiro's earlier conclusion about wanting to stay as they are.
keith swallows, still a touch too nervous to relax entirely. words feel a little stuck in his throat, but he manages to speak in barely louder than whisper tones. ]
I want you to stay. But only if that's what you want too.
[ or maybe that's redundant? i wanted you too. stil do. shiro is full of contradictory sentiments and keith just can't fucking tell which ones are the ones shiro wants respected. even now trying to unpack it just makes him feel .. lost. he looks up, face still half smooshed into the pillow, one eye peeking through his bangs, waiting. ]
I don't... want you to stay if you feel obligated to.
[ obligated, it makes him laugh. it’s a surprised thing. he doesn’t try for it at all. the light, airy sound simply slips out of him, until he realizes a beat too late and snaps his mouth shut. the truth of the matter is that the opposite is true: he feels obligated to leave. the feeling is backed by the usual reasons. protecting the friendship, stemming the want, preserving the status quo and not dragging them anywhere near the argument of a few minutes ago… but aren’t those reasons what started the argument to begin with? he’s fighting against something he might not have any hope in stopping, not without issuing real, irrevocable damage, and that just isn’t worth it in the end.
at this point, the least shiro can do is be honest. that’s what keith desperately wants from him. so he backs off. he gives up on his hovering and straightens up, regarding half-hidden keith for one, weighed moment. ]
I want to stay.
[ there’s confidence in the words; true genuinity that doesn’t leave much room for doubt. he knows he’s been confusing tonight, saying one thing, saying another, and then backtracking to the original offer, yet giving no concrete conclusion to any of it. in a perfect world, he’d pick for them to remain as they’ve always been: best friends. that’s easy and that’s familiar and it works. he’s beginning to realize though, that he can’t simply enforce his will on their friendship. there’s something brewing between them and the more shiro tries to ignore it, the worse off they become.
he can do this. he can try. it’s simple, yet tentatively intimate, and beneath all the worry and uncertainty, he does actually yearn for that closeness with keith. so, with that, shiro says nothing else and turns to action instead. he means it, honest, because look, he’s unzipping his vest and shrugging it off to toss toward the end of the cot, before sitting down to start unbuckling his boots. ]
[ i want to stay. assertive, unambiguous and followed up with actions that match the sentiment. the relief is hard to qualify, but it washes over keith gently like the rising tide at night. the flimsy cot mattress sags a little as shiro takes his seat, angling keith towards his best friend. he doesn't correct or compensate for that, instead letting entropy pull them a little closer, thigh bumping against shiro's back.
not for the first time, keith is a little lost for words. as much as it'd been hurtful to immediately be accused of diminishing shiro's importance, it's in thinking about words-action incongruity that he thinks maybe he can understand why shiro had been upset in the first place. mulling the thought over from that perspective, keith's expression falters,. he's glad that for the moment shiro can't see his face, and decides he wants it to stay that way just a little bit longer.
he rolls towards shiro, one arm raised taised to curl around shiro's waist from behind in a loose embrace. from there, his movements are tentative, but he presses his palm flat to shiro's belly and breathes out quietly; ]
Good. I want you too.
[ to stay? want shiro in general? both perhaps. the echo of the earlier sentiment comes far too late, keith realizes, but maybe it's better late than never. keith takes in a deeo breath and lets it out with a heavy sigh. ]
... but maybe we could just do things our way. You know. When things feel right.
[ his fingers fumble the moment keith’s thigh touches his back. there’s clothing and blanket between them, but warmth seeps into him and he feels it, hot and solid against him. it leeches at his awareness until it nearly captures his focus in its entirety. still, he gets his fingers into semi-working order and manages to slip off his right boot. he’s just worked off the left when something grazes his side. fingers tighten this time and then he’s grasping hard at the boot as keith’s palm lies flat to his belly. his next breath is shallow, none of it seeping low to expand his abdomen further into that hand.
i want you too.
he hears to, not too. he doesn’t get any further than redundancy; thinking in terms of keith reiterating how he’d like shiro to stay the night. that is, until a sigh and a couple of words later, keith is clearly speaking of something else. it clicks and once again, his fingers go their own way; this time not fumbling, not tightening, but merely loosening in slow moving fragments, the boot losing stability bit by bit.
keith’s talking about the thing between them, isn’t he? why is it more frightening when it’s put into these terms? because… it has nothing to do with sentencing. that excuse is off the table. if they’re going at their own pace and dictating reactions based on what feels right for them, not by what the prison staff expects of them, then they’re doing this purely for themselves. that’s… not what shiro originally pitched it as to himself. is that what he truly wants? what about the emphasis on sentencing? what about getting out of here? what about the team? what about –
his fingers slack a movement too far and the boot slips free, hitting the floor with a thud. the noise knocks him out of his spiral and he blinks hard, staring down at his boots. he exhales slow and then, mustering movement, he lies his flesh hand over keith’s. he waffles between maybe and yes, and squeezes at the back of his hand. the longer he holds on, the further he leans into yes, only to topple into it completely when he twists, glancing over his shoulder at keith. this time, his breath is deep and his belly flutters under their combined hands, something in him losing stability at the sight of his best friend curled up close behind him. ]
Yeah. [ quiet, it’s more breath than word. his expression holds tense as he seemingly works through and comes to some sort of decision. in the next moment, he lets go of keith’s hand and he leans over, metal arm going to the bed on the other side of keith, to brace his weight. our way. when things feel right. it feels right to be close to keith right now and he nudge into his space, barricading him as shiro looks over the portion of his face he can see. ]
If we do this… it’s for us.
[ because they want it. not because these aliens have put them in a fucked up situation. it has to make sense for them, otherwise it isn’t worth the risk of muddling up their friendship. he brushes keith’s bangs with his other hand and holds them back against his head, revealing more of keith’s face for him. ]
[ having shiro hover over him, boxing him him with one arm and touching his face with the other should mean a lot of things. discomfort for starters, if only because letting someone in close has never been easy, even without the history of a clone with shiro's face trying to decapitate him. but the antsy feeling his adrenaline wash from earlier has morphed into something else entirely. see, the jittery pins and needles are still there, but where keith had wanted to get away from his best friend, now he wants to bask in the understanding they've forged together.
honestly? it feels nice. it feels like a big fuck you to their alien overlords to take what's been forced onto them and contextualize it into something that has more meaning than finishing what coercion started between them. keith's smile is a small thing, but it's earnest in its sincerity. whatever this is, he likes it. he likes the way shiro's hand feels against his, the warmth of shiro's skin under his palm. feeling a flutter behind his ribs, keith holds eye contact and repeats: ]
Only us.
[ heh. said like that though, it all comes across rather solemn, huh? self conscious, he scoots as far back as he can to give shiro more space to lie down, and holds up the blanket for him to crawl under it is tragically, not much space at all.. ]
Heh. Not that this helps with the sentence situation, but the warden and everyone else can go fuck themselves.
Edited 2022-06-18 00:38 (UTC)
the thread of the disappearing tablet and the changing outfits.
[ a little solemn, yeah and yet, hearing the sentiment repeated back to him is grounding. something slots into place and he feels – good? yes, good about where they are and where they are potentially headed. for the first time since arriving here, they seem to be in step with each other. that’s a big improvement. he’s not sure how long it’ll last, especially considering the fact that they will always be a little out of sync due to the disruption in the time continuum and how the two of them might not be from the same reality, but he’s willing to allow himself the reprieve and enjoy this while it lasts.
he shifts under the blanket, laughing softly to the… joke? half truth, half joke? that’s sobering, because no, not everyone. they still have their sentence sheets to figure out. whatever it is they’re exploring here doesn’t override their need to get out of this place and get back to voltron. he hesitates in clarifying dual objectives; selfishly, he doesn’t want to discuss it right now. he just wants to settle down and rest, rather than running the risk of upsetting this tentative agreement between them.
so he grins harder to one side and scoots in close. ]
Dunno about the others but the Warden probably does. [ a beat. ] Probably some sort of voyeur.
[ has to be! who comes up with these sentences and doesn’t get some sort of excitement, pleasure, pay off, whatever from getting alerts that inmates are performing? shiro wrinkles his nose, still grinning, but definitely regretting the suggestion. he shakes his head next and huffs, more or less ending that conversation by pushing right into: ]
But uh… like this or… this?
[ he hasn’t laid down yet. like this has him on his side, facing keith. it’s close, very close. the cot’s shoddy metal frame creaks as shiro flips around for this, now on his other side, back to keith. it’s keith’s bed, which is most comfortable for him? ]
shiro's magic powers: disapparing tablets, quic changing and blue balling
[ keith shudders bodily at the comment. the warden's specific proclivities aren't anything keith's given a lot of thought to and for good reason. place is creepy enough as it is without delving into the hands that went into taking this place from blueprint to functional interreality sex trafficking cesspool. nose wrinkling with distaste, keith doesn't get the chance to groan before shiro's mercifully moved on and changed the subject.
more than just that, actually. shiro scoots under the blanket and starts offering keith two very distracting choices between front and back, and keith blinks, inexplicably a little thrown despite this being the obvious next step in sharing the cot. maybe it's because having shiro trying to squeeze in beside him makes the issue of space that much plainer? face warming somewhat, keith shakes the thought that the cot hadn't seemed that cramped when shiro had been on top of ]
Oh um...either is fine?[ the question mark is readily audible. is it fine? ] Or I could turn around if you want as well?
if that pet sign event happens, shiro's title should be the blueballer
[ keith. that doesn’t help. it’s funny, to be honest. shiro’s usually the one making the executive decisions on a grand, sometimes universe-altering scale. so picking a sleeping position? should be a piece of cake compared to his usual calls.
somehow, it’s not.
lying on his back is out of the question. the cot is too narrow and he’s too wide in the shoulders; he’d end up taking up far too much of the real estate here and forcing keith even further into the wall. facing keith is… an attractive prospect, if he’s honest. it sounds cozy in his head, but he’s not convinced it would be in execution. curled up on the edge of the cot with his back to keith is likely the most polite position. it gives keith privacy and room. it’s the position he’s in currently and so, indecisive as he is, he hasn’t bothered to shift out of it. he only moves marginally, tipping his shoulder back so he can half lean into a glance behind himself to keith. ]
No. [ wait – no? that is to say: ] I mean… unless you want to sleep facing the wall?
[ a beat, the tentativeness leaving his voice as he pushes for a more assertive: ]
How do you normally sleep? I’ll conform to you.
[ afterall, he's not here to be a bother or make things more difficult. isn't he here to do the opposite? ]
[ compared to what they were deliberating over minutes earlier, this is nothing. they're being overly polite about this and despite recognizing the foolishness going on here, keith is so genuinely thrown by the question that he automatically answers it. ]
Uh... on my side, facing away from the exit with my knife under my pillow and the wolf at my back? [ speaking of which. ] Oh. I should put that away, huh?
[ looking sheepish yet again, keith sits up to pull the sheathed knife out from under his pillow and tosses it over the foot of the cot where it lands by the rest of his armor. ]
Thanks for reminding me. But uh... you can sleep in whatever way is most comfy for you? I mean... you're bigger so, I can conform to you if you want.
Edited 2022-06-18 19:30 (UTC)
imagine him having that sign and keith being like, holepuncher...? shiro: /sweats
[ there is so much to process here. keith’s detailed the wolf in typical keith fashion, so shiro has a semi clear idea of what he should be picturing. because he’s unoriginal, he mostly ends up with the american grey wolf nestled behind keith, eyeing anyone or anything that dares too close. he finds it… sweet? in a way? cute, maybe, if he ignores the fact that it’s a wild space predator. how domesticated can it actually be?
as domesticated as keith is? he makes a rough, amused sound in his throat as the knife is tossed. right, no wonder keith and the wolf got along so well.
he makes another sound, softer this time, more contemplative. they keep circling the same thing and getting nowhere because of it: i’ll do what you want. the accommodating nature is touching, yet frustrating, only in that they’re manufacturing this feeling of walking on eggshells. so, shiro abruptly gives up on it. ]
This is comfortable.
[ is it precisely what he wants? not exactly. he’s bordering the edge, knees of his bent legs edging off if it. still not the most uncomfortable sleep he’ll have ever had, if he sleeps. he wonders if he should tell keith that he has trouble sleeping and doesn’t often go without waking or having a fit of bad dreams. no. he can see how that conversation would go and he doesn’t want to drag the mood down again, this time with a pity party. so he shoves his hand underneath the pillow and firms it up as he nestles his head fully into it. ]
[ ah, so that's shiro's final decision. keith peels himself a little further off the wall, not quite relaxing as he eyes the inch or so of space between his chest and shiro's back. it crosses his mind for the umpteenth time that maybe asking shiro to sleep with him had been a mistake, if only because this way neither of them are getting their preferred sleeping position or amount of room, but shiro had said he wanted to stay so there's little use to second guessing a closed deal.
keith scoots himself a little lower in the bed, head hovering just above the freshly fluffed pillow. he holds the uncomfortable position for two ticks, contemplating his close up of shiro's undercut like that might give him privileged access to mindreading abilifies. he might as well be trying to reach keysmash for all the good this accomplishes.
he drops his head down and pulls the covers up his chin. again, he wants to ask a redundant question about shiro's comfort, but manages to jeep his mouth zipped. instead, his gaze drops back down to the inch of space left between them, tries to calculate how close to the edge shiro must be and decides -- fuck it.
he throws an arm over shiro's waist, tugging to draw him back further onto the cot and closer to him. ]
Come closer. There's room.
[ a beat. ]
... and tell me how you're doing here. For real, I mean, Not the sugarcoated "I'm fine" stoic leader crap.
[ it’s the second time keith’s done it in the span of minutes; shiro ought to be more prepared in adjusting to it. he’s not, of course. he tenses at the weight thrown over his side and sucks in his belly with the surprised inhale, holding still even as keith tightens his elbow to coax shiro to scoot backwards. it feels nice though, just as it had the first time keith curled up behind him. this’ll be different, he muses. it won’t be a thigh to his back, it’ll be hips, belly and chest. he might even have keith’s breath tickling the flyaway strands at his nape if he’s lucky. if he’s lucky? he bites his lip and contracts, just beginning to push back, only to stop before any actual progress.
ah. taking full advantage of shiro’s lowered defenses, huh? he pauses, frown pinching his brow. a touch grumbly: ]
It’s not stoic leader crap. I mean it. [ a few words in and the frown loses strength, self-awareness pinging as he hears himself. horseshit, right? a little more sheepishly now: ] Mostly.
[ a pause follows, but only in speech. he sighs out afterwards and in lieu of admitting the, frankly, untruthfulness there, he offers an olive branch in the form of him scooting backward. their bodies brush and then press when shiro takes another inch with one last scooch. there, he settles. adjusting his hand under the pillow and resnuggling the side of his face into it, shiro relaxes, marginally and slowly, exhaling a heavy breath before picking up where he should have begun. ]
Just… [ he wavers, hesitating. ] I didn’t think I’d be a prisoner again.
[ it’s an answer, yet not one. how is he doing; he can’t answer it directly. he doesn’t want to. he doesn’t want to openly admit that despite his push to cooperate and make due with the situation they’ve found themselves in, he isn’t actually as put together as he’s trying to present himself as. everyone on the team is having such a hard time, someone has to be the anchor.
but this is keith. and faking it around keith never seems to last. ]
Feels like I just escaped the last time. [ he laughs softly at that, the sound hollow. ] I know things are better here than they were with the Galra but… you know…
[ and he trails off, not knowing how to put it into words. ]
[ keith grimaces through the initial jut of stubbornness, but nothing more. he keeps the tension on his elbow just the same, coaxing shiro to scooch back until gradually their boeis line up back to chest, chest to back. it's at this point keith supposes he ought to be removing his arm, but upon hearing what shiro has to say, that extra bit of touch quickly becomes an anchoring point, tethering the two of them together.
shiro's never said much about his time in captivity with the galra. in some ways, maybe he never had to. if a picture is worth a thousand words, then the many scars on criss crossed on his best friend's body are an entire unspoken odyseey of self-explanatory horror. thinking about it, it's messed up isn't it? keith and shiro haven't had the chance to properly decompress what happened that year, and now somewhere back in his own reality, that may never happen just on account of the trauma of the clone's existence. and maybe even that will just pass on along as yet another unspoken horror simply because the war is unending and who knows what the next bit of psychologixal damage will be?
it's an impotent wish at best, but keith hopes that whatever it is, the universe is done chewing on shiro and will finally cut him a break.
but maybe it never will. from galra prison to porn prison, shiro really does have the most messed up shit happen to him, huh? lost for words, keith unconsciously tightens his grip around his best friend's waist, forehead bumping lightly against the back of his head. ]
I'm sorry. [ the response is just about the lamest thing in the world and keith grimaces yet again for the fucking platitude. ] I wish the universe could have sent you somewhere nice for a change. I can't think of anyone who deserves to be relaxing on a beach more than you.
[ keith laughs, quiet and a little bitter. ]
...I just want you to know that you can talk to me. If there's anything I can do to make this place even a little less terrible for you, you know I'd do it in a heartbeat. Whether that's us talking or me finding you something to punch ...or you know. Helping with sheets.
[ voice going quiet, keith trails off and swallows. ]
[ see? this is what shiro wanted to avoid. pity party. shiro came here to comfort keith and what has he done? upset him first and then after narrowly patching that up, has somehow turned the tables to guilt keith into coddling him instead. some leader, huh? some best friend, huh? miserably, shiro closes his eyes, yet doesn’t interrupt. he listens and he stews, ignoring the heavy beat, beat of his heart resounding in his ears that’s still, mercilessly, not loud enough to drown out the sorrow in keith’s voice.
he hates this. he’s been telling himself from the beginning that this prison is easier. better. freewill is similarly stripped but there’s some leeway in their ability to live. the food is a wildcard and the occasional prison wide hijinx stirs the pot, but aside from that, they get to choose the who, the what, the where and the when in accordance to their community service. a few one night stands isn’t so bad, not when shiro’s lived through a sentence that’s involved murder and experimentation.
but it’s starting to wear on him, especially when he thinks too heavily about the team. he doesn’t want this for them. if he could, he’d take on their sheets and have them sent back to their own realities.
… at least, that’s what he tells himself.
he’s not supposed to be comforted by everything keith is saying. it’s not far off from shiro’s own pep-talks: we’re a team, we stick together, come to me if anyone or anything gives you trouble. he’s supposed to be stronger than needing to hear it directed at him. it touches deep though, every word’s weight is aided by the forehead against him and the arm around him. shiro feels – grounded. secure, almost, like it’d actually be okay to not be okay, because keith has him.
so would he actually take on keith’s sentence and have him sent away if given the chance? the answer isn’t as clear as it had been a month ago. all at once, the thought rips that feeling of stability out from under him and to compensate, he grabs with his left at keith’s hand. he squeezes it there at his belly, holding tighter, eyes still closed and teeth chewing at his bottom lip.
okay, is his line. that’s all he has to say and then maybe he can divert to a goodnight that’ll end any further discussion. but his voice whispers low: ]
Will you think less of me if I say I’m glad you’re here?
[ because shiro thinks less of himself. it feels selfish. feels gross. he hates that keith is here, being forced into vulnerable moments… but a part of shiro is grateful too. keith being here makes this place a little less terrible. ]
[ keith can't and doesn't pretend to know the ins and outs of his best friend's state of mind. there's always been selective topics that have been banned from discourse for one reason or another, but given just a tiny peek into shiro's headspace, it always feels he carries a disproportionate amount of baggage.
it's been years now, but keith still vividly remembers the day he'd learned about shiro's muscular dystrophy years after the fact of them spending all that time together racing in the desert when shiro could have and probably should have been resting aching muscles. heh. shiro's never really been the sort to open up at all -- not about anything that truly weighs him down. it's messed up to find even a pinprick of comfort in this shiro being every bit as stubborn about himself, but the fact of the matter is that this moment here with his best friend covering up his hand and talking earnestly makes keith happier than he knows what to do with.
his own head clear of the angry buzzing from earlier, keith actually manages a laugh -- a soft, airy thing that tickles the back of shiro's ear. ]
Heh. Doubt there's much you could do to get me to think less of you, Shiro.
[ for better or for worse. even when keith had been convinced the clone was the real shiro and that the real shiro had been trying to kill him, he still earnestly believed in shiro. he wonders though, if something like that is more burden than comfort to hear. keith shifts a little lower, nose pressed to shiro's neck, his lips less than an inch away from touching skin. ]
You have no idea how glad I am you're here, too.
[ and no idea just to what lengths keith would go to follow shiro wherever it is. whether that happens to be porn prison or off the edge of a collapsing platform into oblivion. ]
Even if I still think you should be on a nice beach with a pina colada.
[ it isn’t a fair question to begin with. aside from a blip here or there, keith’s favor toward him tends to run steady. this last argument ran far closer to ruin than shiro would have ever anticipated for them, but fifteen minutes spent and some close contact later, the ties between them are once again stable and strong. so keith was never going to answer that in a negative light. shiro was always going to get a pass. does it make shiro feel better to hear it? the first part, no. shiro has a lot of things buried. a lot of things that don’t fit into the golden boy image or even the strong, do good leader persona he’s adopted through voltron. his record isn’t clean and neither are his thoughts; if keith knew the actual person shiro’s become, he’d find reasons to think less of him.
funnily enough, he doesn’t judge keith for saying the exact same thing shiro has been berating himself over: keith’s glad he’s here too. it surprises him, not so much the sentiment itself, but the fact that keith says them. if he’s not judgemental of keith… he can't be judgmental of himself, can he? that’s the reasoning. it’s difficult to argue against it, especially when his focus keeps drifting to the nose pressed against his nape and breath fanning across. if they’re selfish and needy when it comes to each other, is it okay? does it balance out?
he’s on the fence, still stubbornly unwilling to let himself be comforted to some sort of conclusion but then there’s that last bit that’s disjointed from the seriousness of the rest. it pushes shiro right off that fence and before he knows it, he’s huffing an amused sound and knocking back his foot, pushing it between the lay of keith’s legs in some sort of retaliation for making him laugh. ]
There is a beach here.
[ a crappy one that may or may not have actual sea monsters waiting offshore. relaxing his hold on keith’s hand, he draws his up, skimming along keith’s wrist and forearm, ending a few inches shy of his elbow as shiro twists marginally, not quite turning to toss a glance over his shoulder to keith. he merely turns his head, looking to the ceiling, but with the angle, his voice carries more clearly. ]
Maybe Dietary has the fixings for piña coladas. We can snatch those too when we get the enchiladas tomorrow.
[ it's really only after shiro laughs that some internal pressure valve gets fully released. keith relaxes further, grinning broadly to himself as he raises his top leg and swings it over shiro's knee to loosely pin the offending foot. it all continues to be a strange mix of familiar and uncharted territory, really. wrestling and physical training have alwyas been a part of their friendship, but keith can't say that he's ever had his lips so close to shiro's cheek. somehow the proximity didn't register quite as strongly when he'd been staring down the back of his best friend's face, but with shiro partly angled towards him, keith misses a beat and holds his breath.
suddenly drinks on the beach and enchiladas are the last things on keith's mimd, but he swallows and tries to get back into the established momentum of conversation. ]
Oh...
[ okay so maybe attempt #1 falls flat on its face. attempt #2 goes marginally better. ]
... I hope so. It'd be nice to just hang out. We haven't done that in... [ a good while, huh? ] ... well since you got here. [ a beat. hanging out with shiro and pretending to have some degree of freedom isn't remotely like the high intensity chases out in the desert where they truly were just wild and free, but all the same.... ] ...I'd really like that.
[ since he got here doesn’t sound right either. they haven’t done anything worthy of being called fun, at least not with each other. so when was the last time they hung out? voltron? the garrison? shiro throws the title of best friend around like it’s a universally accepted norm, but if he stops to think about it, does that title truly belong to him? best friends actually do things together; things that don’t happen purely out of obligation, that is.
it’s a miserable thought. it carries all the potential to drag shiro’s mood down. all he has to do is let it. though, what good would that do other than further proving he’s undeserving of being keith’s closest friend? focusing on that, shiro forcibly clings tight to the happy uptick in conversation and continues to run with it. ]
I would too. [ a pause. a playfully firm: ] So that’s what we’ll do.
[ enchiladas and piña coladas… neither are meant to be taken seriously and yet, here shiro is, onboard and willing to try their luck in pilfering dietary. so much for play by the rules, don’t get in trouble, huh? the risk of getting a slap on the wrist is worth it if it means giving shiro a distinctive timeframe in which he can point to and say that is the last time he and keith did something fun together. ]
By the way… [ since he has a leg draped over him now, pinning his foot, shiro will retaliate by abducting his knee to jostle keith’s leg. he laughs gently. ] I hope you know how to make enchiladas, because I don’t.
[ the jostling, if nothing else, diverts keith's attention away from shiro's cheek. as long as shiro isn't flinching or tensing up from the proximity, that would imply this closeness is okay. more than okay? keith tries to keep that in mind as he breathes out and smiles. ]
Don't have a clue.
[ after getting booted from the garrison, keith had been forced to start being fairly resourceful when it came to food. he can cook, sure, but spending money on a lot of ingredients at the grocery wassn't exactly sustainable from week to week. trapping and hunting had definitely come in handy again in the quantum abyss, though needless to say that hadn't been cooking from a recipe either. all in all, it's been.. a while since keith's tried making a proper step=nnu=step recipe meal, but... ]
As long as you're not handling any kitchen equipment, I'm sure it'll go fine.
[ he gives shiro's belly a playful patpat with his palm before reaching up to playfully flick shiro's prosthetic arm. ]
But maybe we could use your arm as a grill.
[ part joke, part not, keith lightly skims his fingers over shiro's chest before settling it back on his stomach. ]
[ wow. keith’s dishing out the low blows today. he’s sneaky about it too; sandwiching it between a patpat and a skim, so shiro is slowed down on the flutter of sensation that comes with each. the delay doesn’t amount to much though. shiro laughs and rolls his eyes, the accumulation of surprise, scandal, and humor slamming together to shove him into a reaction born from retaliation. with his leg pinned and his belly held hostage, shiro is so wrapped up in keith that the imbalance of their arrangement suddenly becomes unacceptable. so he twists around.
it’s a messy shifting of limbs but shiro is determined to face keith head on, grin, and huff: ]
Brat. [ head to the pillow, he’s got some space between their faces. he‘s undeterred by the closeness, likely due to him still chasing the joke, because in the next moment, he’s mimicking keith with a flick, though his lands at keith’s shoulder. ] My arm isn’t a hotplate.
[ he laughs again, softer this time. ]
… But I’ll admit, I’m kinda curious to see if we can make it work.
[ a pause. then he’s tutting, voice gone sarcastic: ]
Oh, excuse me, I mean see if you can make it work. [ he can only be blind to it for so long: the proximity is dawning on him. it has him feeling warm and… oddly reckless. they agreed to this. this is fine. he can look at keith slyly and finish the joke, there’s nothing wrong with their legs still all tangled up and shiro’s arm now hooking over keith’s, settling on the bed behind him. ]
I’m just the kitchen equipment and you’re the one handling me… that’s the deal, right?
[ the twisting around should give keith ample warning of shiro's intentions, but it still does nothing to dampen the spread of heat across his cheeks when they end up lying side by side and face to face. the atmosphere is still light and jovial, but there's something a little special about holding and being held that feels delicate enough to be blown away with an errant breath of air. keith's stomach twists, heart fluttering with inexplicable nervousness. ]
You can be whatever you want, Shiro.
[ for as long as keith can remember, that's something shiro's always fought relentlessly for. keith will be damned if he starts trying to tell shiro what he can or can't be in the kitchen. expression fond, he catches shiro's flicky fingers and holds them in his hand. ]
But I'd like to handle you. In the interest of preventing a fire. [ a beat. ] If you'll let me anyway.
[ are they still talking about enchiladas? considering the joke is shiro posing as kitchen equipment, keith’s peptalk-esque you can be whatever you want throws shiro. not enough to derail the momentum, but enough for shiro to blink and lose that shit-eating, teasing grin in favor of a bemused smile. he half expects a if you put your mind to it to follow that; thankfully, it doesn’t.
the slight befuddlement eases and he picks up ground on his amusement again, oddly charmed by the lack of clapback. he sounds so serious, so earnest. like there’s something more meaningful going on here beyond a few dumb jokes. shiro’s expression shifts again, this time following in the wake of keith’s own. keith goes soft-eyed, shiro goes soft-eyed. keith goes fond, shiro goes fond. feeding off of the affection so freely offered to him, shiro feels warm and sobered, the teasing gone from his voice as he breathes out: ]
Yeah. [ keith took the first initiative, and shiro cleans up with the second: he angles his fingers and stretches them through, fitting them in between keith’s for a lacing that has their palms pressing flush together. ]
I’ll let you.
[ and he shifts, not more than a nuzzle closer across the shared pillow, smiling sweet. another beat and then he huffs; unfortunately, he can’t resist it entirely. it being the need to say: ]
But I think it should be pointed out that someone here did start a fire recently and it wasn’t me.
[ inarguably, keith's been in more compromising and vulnerable positions with far less clothing on than a full body flight suit on, but there's something about the simplcity of their palms flush and touching that makes his heart beat just a pinch faster. obviously this isn't going anywhere racy, but evidently his heart isn't registering a difference. keith briefly tightens his grip to give shiro's hand a squeeze,. it's experimental and is like dipping a toe in untested waters, but it feels a whole lot less intimidating when it's followed up with a line of teasing. ]
Hey. I didn't do anything wrong. You're the one who works maintenance now. If there's another electrical fire due to faulty wiring, it's all on you now.
[ he laughs, holding eye contact for as long as he can until his chest starts to feel like it might burst with some unnamed feeling and averts his eyes to shiro's collarbone, smiling turning entirely sheepish. ]
I'll accept an apology on behalf of your department any time now.
[ it’s a slippery slope and shiro can’t say whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that this feels natural. wasn’t it only a few minutes ago that they came to a tentative agreement? do things our way, when things feel right, that’s what keith pitched it as. shiro had anticipated baby steps of exploration, but those baby steps have led them to spooning together, tangling together, and… flirting with each other…? oh god, that’s what they’re doing, isn’t it? he’s chatting keith up with the kind of eagerness that makes him think of lance.
okay, wait, backtracking that thought. shiro should give himself more credit; he isn’t that bad. at the very least, keith seems to be receptive to it, if that duck out, break of eye contact and accompanying smile are anything to go by. both have shiro feeling a little victorious and a lot airy. when things feel right, he keeps rounding back to that thought, letting it guide him as he takes their combined hands, nudging interlaced knuckles gently to keith’s chin in a wordless, eyes up here.
if he’s going to make an apology, keith ought to look at him, yeah? he laughs softly, trying to sober his voice, but ultimately failing in keeping the humor out of it. ]
I’m sorry a portion of your hideous orange wardrobe got singed. I know you were real broken up about that.
[ it's just a gentle nudge under his chin, but it makes the warm flush spread that much further from his cheeks to his ears. not that looking at shiro is difficult, but when they're partly entangled in bed and laughing, his heart keeps threatening to do stupid acrobatics. whether that's normal or not, keith couldn't say, but that non-apology is so wholeheartedly insincere that he hiccups a laugh. it would have been a giggle really, if he weren't immediately self conscious and busy clearing his throat the next beat and praying shiro doesn't feel the bob of his adam's apple. ]
.. heh. Well I suppose the part of my wrist that's more exposed thanks to your department's negligence can learn to forgive you eventually.
[ try as he might though, keith doesn't come remotely close to sounding serious. the grin won't wipe off his face and for that matter neither will the shy shyness about his eyes. with those fingers still nudged under his chin, it's impossible to know where to look. down gives him a full glance at shiro's lips and that's ... ah, probably not where he ought to be looking. huh? keith glances back up again, giving shiro's hand another squeeze. ]
[ … and then there’s that. a baby step leading to sleeping together is one thing. a baby step that has them shaving off inches from the implied buffer between them is another. keith looks down and from this distance, it’s impossible to misconstrued his focus: keith’s looking at his mouth. the moment he thinks it is the moment he rolls his bottom lip in, tonguing it beneath his top incisors and letting it drag back out. it’s a subconscious move and one he doesn’t comprehend until he feels his teeth dig and his saliva stick, wetting his lip. keith’s eyes are back up though and shiro’s relieved for that.
… mostly?
he isn’t quite sure if he is. he thinks he should be, but his hand is firm in keith’s and his gaze is full of pretty, laughter-touched eyes that flutter with the barest hint of shyness. before he knows it, his thoughts find their way back to the tablet and the list waiting there. no aftercare and no kisses. it’s baffling. it’s wrong. and briefly, shiro wonders if keith has ever done this with anyone else: gone shy and wanting, peeking at their mouth but making no move to claim the soft kind of affection he deserves.
righting a supposed wrong isn’t a good reason to shift closer. shiro’s stolen inch, the one that has their noses almost brushing isn’t solely due to that. when things feel right. there’s that too, but it isn’t quite strong enough for shiro to bridge the gap entirely on his own. instead, he nuzzles into the pillow and allows a laugh to slip into his voice. ]
Sounds like that could take awhile.
[ their hands are still butted underneath keith’s chin. shiro relaxes the clasp. though doesn't let go, flicking out his index finger to brush just that much more along the line of his jaw. ]
Anything I can do to sway that forgiveness faster?
[ banter between them is fairly routine. hell, throwing out playful quips when one of them has the other pinned while wrestling is practically a given. arguably, wrestling pushes them into a far more awward positions than lying side by side, but at least with wrestling there aren't any accompanying exploratory face touches. but is "at least" even where keith's mind is at? finding comfort in his best friend is something that's been won with time and effort put in to getting to know keith, rather than anything else. but it's been hard not to notice all the ways in which shiro draws in the eye.
everything is meantt o be at their own pace, withouany buckling to outside pressure to complete sheets or yielding to aphrodisiaic. in some ways, maybe it's harder to look at his best friend and own the fact that he likes shiro's hanx touching his face and clasping his. that it makes him fluttery to know shiro is looking at him with that smile while their legs and tangled. when aphro had been involved, keith had been able to disown it. he doesn't know how he would even begin to excuse the fact that he'd been thinking of shiro and his dick while bending over for a stranger, so he hasn't tried to -- and perhaps that's for the best. every time his thoughts slip even fractionally in that direction, keith is left trying to scrub his head blank and empty. he catches himself doing that right now, blinking hard through the hopeful swoop in his chest. would it even be right to act so familiar with a shiro who might technically not even be his? ... not that shiro had ever been his. keith mulls it over for a beat, before deciding he doesn't want to anymore. he steals another look down at shiro's lips, now a little glossier somehow and is slow to look back up.
how can srhio win back his forgiveness faster? it's meant to be a facetious question. in fact, this entire conversation about enchiladas and pina coladas had beennothing but jokes standing in for... something. frowning very slightly, keith leans in a quarter inch closer until their noses touch. ]
You could keep smiling at me like that.
[ is that too much? keith doesn't know. but it'd been a long two years without his best friend in the quantum abyss and an even longer fight in the abandoned facility. native some part of him will always be worried about shiro -- the one with a full head of white hair and a clone's body, but seeing the WAY THIS SHIRO SMILES, IT GIVES KEITH SOME HOPE. ]
[ keith’s doing it again. this time, however, their gazes catch and shiro watches keith’s brow crease as a frown takes shape. he has the briefest moment to wonder if he should be concerned, because keith’s thoughts are clearly going somewhere, but then noses brush and keith’s offering shiro the simplest of suggestions. that’s it? that’s all keith needs from him?
emotion fills him then, both of which are nebulous, yet conflicting. first, there’s the gentle wave of affection that isn’t at all new when it comes to keith. it’s reactionary at this point; he feels it in varying levels every time he spends any amount of time with his best friend. here, it’s wrapped up in syrupy sweetness, the extent of it warming him from the inside out leaving him feeling unbalanced, even though he’s lying down and curled. it’s like that sometimes; he isn’t so bold to say this is adoration, but keith’s looking at him and speaking to him in hushed tones, so genuinely happy with the show of shiro’s barest effort. precious, is a word that comes to him then, though he can’t say if he means to direct it at their friendship or at keith himself.
either way, he feels protective in the moment and sorry too. disappointed, fits better. it’s strange to be touched by keith’s modest nature while simultaneously being frustrated by it. or more specifically, frustrated with himself for it. is keith that easily satisfied or has shiro given him the bare minimum so frequently in the recent past that he’s grown to want nothing more? makes sense, shiro just barely worked through accepting the idea of helping keith through his first time bottoming, only to completely shut down when it didn’t pan out the way shiro had anticipated.
it’s different now though. now, like so much time has passed. they have their feet tangled, fingers laced and faces close, so close… yet keith doesn’t follow shiro’s thoughts down the route of sentence sheets. he doesn’t ask for a kiss. it has shiro disappointed and then confused as to why he’s disappointed. ]
You’re making it too easy for me.
[ the words slip out without thought. you didn’t a few minutes ago, sounds off in his mind. with how they are currently, it’s difficult to even remember how keith laid into him hard. inevitably, no matter how bad things get, keith makes things easy for him, whether through supporting him through difficult situations or being more forgiving of shiro’s barriers, more so than anyone else. point is, this is easy and natural, and while that’s good, part of shiro can’t understand why he’s being given a free pass. ]
I’m not doing anything special. This is just how I look at you.
[ funnily enough, he’s not holding up his end of the bargain. the smile is still there, but it’s dimmed to something softer, something carrying a twinge of confusion. ]
[ keith hesitates a moment, unsure of what that response even means. are they still bantering and if so, did keith mess this up by being too earnest? or is shiro being also being earnest in saying that? and if that's the case, then what is keith's next move? either he's lost the plot on how to behave at this point, and keith chews his lower lip a little nervously.
shiro isn't lance. shiro wouldn't make fun of him for being confused or needing a bit of guidance in how to talk, but there's a stubbornness to keith that refuses to cede ground to the doubt swirling in his head about whether or not he really knows how to engage with his best friend. ]
But you're the only one who looks at me like that.
[ and perhaps just as importantly, the only one that a soft smile from well and truly matters. at the end of the day, keith knows there are plenty of people in his life now who would be happy for him and care about his well being. krolia, for one. the other paladins as well. but he knows tha they'll be okay, with or without him. for a while, he'd thought the same about shiro -- that maybe it was just keith who needed or wanted him, but somehow he's not show of that anymore.
not because shiro can't stand up for himself or doesn't have the willpower to muscle through any challenge in his way, but because keith's suddenly unsure of who it is that shiro would go to. who shiro might smile for in that warm way that makes the rest of the universe tune out like scatterings of white noise. does keith even wantthis is?
keith doesn't dare qualifying that placeholder. he holds shiro's gaze despite wanting to look away. there's so little space between their faces at this point that even the tiniest breaths are puffs of warm air he can feel on his lip. still, he doesn't dare to close that miniscule gap -- not yet. not until after he's clarified one thing: ]
... and the only one that makes me want to smile back.
[ the only one who looks at him like that – that being what? proud? pleased? genuinely happy to see him? shiro doesn’t want to believe that. they’re a long ways from the galaxy garrison days of jealous cadets and impatient brass, so surely by now, this older, more mature – and hopefully more receptive – keith has found people capable of appreciating him. it’s not just the galaxy garrison though, huh? last shiro remembers, team voltron was still bickering over inconsequentials, some of which having to do with the stunt keith pulled with allura. shiro’s been trying to pay attention to the differences in the team here, to see if there’s a better connection for him to look forward to when he’s inevitably returned to his timeline.
but it’s much the same, as far as he can tell. hell, a few hours ago, lance was letting slip that he and keith were at odds. so maybe it is true. maybe keith isn’t getting the attention and care he is due. care? aftercare? his mind jumps from one word to the next and again, he’s thinking of the sheet and how it isn’t at all right how keith is given so little.
guess that’s where shiro comes in then. if no one else can open their eyes and see past the surly resting face, the bad hair, and the awkward, stilted socialization, to appreciate how magnificent keith is at the core, then fine, shiro will fill the void. that jubilant confidence is talked down almost immediately; shiro can never quite escape falling prey to his own perceived shortcomings. ]
I wanna keep you smiling. [ this close, the fall of his smile is difficult to see. his voice gives him away though, it turning wistful through the murmur: ] Wish I could.
[ but despite all his best intentions, he isn’t the greatest of friends, is he? he’s hurt keith quite a few times. kerberos comes to mind, almost dying does too. then there’s all the secrets and moments in which shiro has been unwilling to open up, this last month included. shiro’s got the rep of being great at taking care of people, like some ridiculous space dad, but that’s only due to him having an open ear and a practice for pep-talks. the truth of the matter is he doesn’t know what he’s doing. ]
You deserve to be happy. [ shiro’s the one to shy his gaze away. there is no pull away, he’s too selfishly attached to the gentle pressure of keith’s nose against his. but he does close his eyes, finding comfort in it. ] I want you to be happy.
[ right about now is where keith ought to be refuting his apparent unhappiness. if keith were a better liar, maybe he could even spin it convincingly, but they've just come off the heels of an argument and keith is instead lulled into an uneasy silence.. the fact that keith has lost all grounding for what they're even talking about helps nothing at all.
what timeframe is shiro even talking about? in general? while they're here? back home? the future? wish i could has such a defeatist undertone to it that carries finalith that keith doesn't like the second he's processed it. shiro hasn't come out and said it, but could implies an unspken but can't that keith tries not to hear. regardless, shiro isn't responsible for his happiness, much less does he need to be the sole reason for it. keith pauses, looking at the way shiro's dropped eye contact and feels a pit forming in his stomach. ]
Why can't we?
[ the question slips out of him before judgment catches up to him. why they can't be happy is largely self evident, isn't it? they're stuck in a fucking human trafficking sex hole masquerading as an intergalactic prison with seemingly no means of escape and beyond this they have an uncertain future with a long war ahead. kicking himself mentallyy, keith too looks away embarrassed and inches back, downcast. ]
[ annnnd he’s squashed the momentum. it wrangles a wince out of him, just in knowing that he’s stepped too far into this honesty business and lost himself in the process to ramble off… what? what was that anyway? now that he’s in the aftermath of it, replaying the words in his head, he’s flabbergasted by his own ramblings. from arguing to flirting to a poorly veiled, wannabe apology for not making keith as happy as shiro deems appropriate? is that what that was…? keith isn’t the only one inwardly scratching his head; shiro’s lost the plot too.
he feels keith shift, nose grazing as he slips away. don’t do it whispers into his thoughts but he can’t say who it’s directed toward: keith for moving away or shiro, with the reflex of fluttering his eyes open. doesn’t matter in the end, both of them follow through in each. he’d been shying away from keith’s gaze moments ago and now that he opens his eyes to find keith’s downcast, he feels – sad? desperate. unbalanced on the rush, he formulates words without thought. ]
I’m sorry.
[ their faces are still so close, far closer than they’ve ever dared outside of this evening, but it doesn’t feel right, not like before. shiro did that. he didn’t follow through and give keith the one thing he asked for. he let the smile slip. ]
I think I’ve said too much. [ or too little. he muscles down another grimace and then forces a huff of a laugh that doesn’t hit its mark. ] Ignore me. It’s the exhaustion speaking.
[ keith hesitates. social situations have the unfortunate tendency of occasionally requiring a delicate touch that keith has never properly mastered. all it takes is a single beat for keith to hate every time he's deflected or refused to participate in a difficult conversation because even though that'd made things easy for him in the moment, he sees now that the experiences have collectively robbed him of grace. his heart skips -- one trip short of outright panic as he reaches out with his other hand to grab shiro by the shoulder. ]
Wait.
[ wait. like shiro was actually going somewhere when they're still locked in close. the embarrassment prickles at the edges of his awareness before keith muscles through the unpleasantness with a more restrained: ]
Not literally, obviously. I mean... [ fuck. he closes his eyes and heaves a deep breath. ] Okay, I don't know what I mean. But you don't have to be sorry. I was thinking in my head that I just want you to be happy too.
[ he opens his eyes, looking both sheepish and a little crestfallen. ]
I should have just said that. [ he swallows, then abandons eye contact once again. ] ... I guess I wish I was better at that too.
[ for all the lessons shiro’s mentored keith through, he’s glad there’s one thing keith hasn’t picked up from him. keith isn’t a bullshitter. shiro isn’t exactly one either, but he does rely heavily on white lies and diversion tactics to skirt the truth when a conversation leans heavily into personal matters. his justification is that it makes things easier, not just for himself, but for everyone unfortunate enough to be caught up in it. keith is too sincere for that. more than that, he’s too brave to cower behind carefully crafted words.
he’s rambling now. he’s working through what he means as he’s saying it and even if keith hadn’t told him to wait, shiro would have been helpless to do anything other than that, because the earnestness to set things right is a little awe-inspiring. by the end of it, shiro feels the loss of that gaze again and he feels humbled. look at the two of them; both so tangled up in their own heads about wanting to make the other one happy. it’d be funny if it weren’t equally distressing. something this simple shouldn't be so complicated, so why is it?
the question needs answering but shiro’s already falling to old habits. shiro does what he always does: shies away from picking too deeply at the real issue and sugarcoats it with a flippant voice. ]
I’m a difficult case. [ so not keith’s fault. it’s said like a joke, his smile wry. it’s only afterwards that he thinks, stupid, that isn’t the way to answer that. grimacing, he tilts his foot against keith’s, ignoring the knock of those ankle monitors. ] But there’s no one better at it than you.
[ a little reluctantly, he tugs his hand out of keith’s grip and lets go, only so he slip his arm around him, hand pressed to his back. ]
For the record? [ and he holds him in. they were already close, so there isn’t much space to gain, but the anchoring of his arm has him feeling warmer and feeling nervous, like this might be too bold. nonetheless: ] I’m happy right now and it’s all your doing.
[ a difficult case, huh? keith hears the joke for what it is, but it doesn’t succeed in making him laugh. instead, it makes him wonder when exactly the last time shiro had been unreservedly happy even was. was it launch day of the kerberos mission? or was it earlier than that with adam? keith considers, sinking a little with contemplation only to be distracted by shiro prising his fingers free. keith looks at shiro, question unasked but plain to see on his face, only to settle with yet another unspoken oh as shiro holds him even closer.
where the joke hadn’t landed before, the added commentary does settle some of the uncertainty roaming around in his head. he smiles then, entirely reflexive in his quiet relief and slowly releases his hold on shiro’s shoulder. with even less space between them now than ever however, keith isn’t entirely sure of where he ought to be putting his hand. any lower would mean touching shiro’s chest, but higher would mean touhing his face and neither of thoe options souns as neutral as keepign his fingers perched lightly on that tank topped shoulder. ]
Heh.
[ slowly, carefully keith puts his newly freed hand on the hollow of his throat, nervously tapping his collarbones. ]
… well I guess we should go to sleep before that changes again. Wouldn’t wanna ruin a hard won victory.
[ they’ve reached closure of some sort. the matter seems settled, yet at the same time, not settled at all. it nags at shiro: the knowledge that the happiness found through their friendship is elusive enough that once they manage to capture it, they have to tap out before ruining it. he studies keith’s smile while he drums at his collarbone, wanting to argue that no, it isn’t like that. that his happiness with keith isn’t some fleeting, fragile thing. but –
i’m a difficult case.
right. that’s what shiro said. and it’s true. he is difficult. even now, he’s fighting against the peace offering, wanting to make things better while running the risk of making them worse. it’s fuck-knows o’clock and shiro’s dragged an exhausted keith through enough verbal spars tonight. maybe it’s time he stop agonizing over the details and yield. ]
Yeah. Okay.
[ he smiles in answer, hoping it makes up for the less than stellar response. he doesn’t remove his arm and he doesn’t scoot back. the line of keith’s spine is easy to find when he’s wrapped up in a skintight bodysuit; shiro’s fingers flutter against it, tracing up and down in a few inch span. he draws in a deep breath and closes his eyes on the exhale. ]
Are you comfortable like this? [ after it’s asked, he mentally rolls his eyes at himself. it’s another set-up for a back and forth. they already discussed this. except, that ended with shiro facing away, not chest to chest, faces close and shiro’s arm laying heavy over keith to anchor him in. to get ahead of the question he knows will be coming, he abruptly tacks on: ] I’m comfortable like this.
[ beaten to the punch on his follow up question, keith blinks in surprise then manages a quiet huff of laughter. intimacy is always a little dicey. keith's never been the sort to go out looking for hugs or physical affection, nor does he think he'll honestly like it coming from a stranger. he's talked to other inmates here about intimacy, of course. some of whom think he takes it far too seriously for his own good, and maybe that's true? but keith doesn't know how exactly you're meant to feel comfortable being vulnerable in someone else's arms when you don't know a damn thing about them.
because even now, he's mot entirely sure he could ever really feel as relaxed with anonymous if the guy ever indicated an interest in lying together like this after the fact. ... then again, maybe it's just that shiro is different. a class all on his own. tentatively and with a look fo shyness, keith relaxes his hand and loosely drapes an arm around shiro's shoulder to entwine just that much closer. ]
Yeah, I'm comfy.
[ he moves his face a quarter inch closer again, the tip of his nose just brushing shiro's. ]
It's the first time I've ever slept with someone like this. It's kinda nice.. even if a little cramped.
[ so – he’s nabbing one of keith’s firsts afterall. shiro doesn’t know how he ought to feel about that. bothered, maybe, similarly to how he’s been fixated on certain unchecked sentences since he got here. this being a first time means everything keith’s done hasn’t ended with the cliche tangled up in an affectionate embrace, falling asleep together. it’s not necessarily a bad thing. sex doesn’t have to follow certain rules. it’s just – it has shiro picturing a disheveled keith, pulling himself together and getting out, before the sweat has even dried.
bad move. he shouldn’t be picturing keith disheveled or sex flushed or anything when their bodies are pressed in close. certainly not when keith’s nose is brushing his again, his small puffs of breath fanning the minimal space between them. shiro’s lips part on the next breath and pull in air, thinking of how it’s shared and if he really focuses, maybe there’s a hint of taste –
he squeezes his eyes a little more forcibly closed, huffing to expel that shared breath. this isn’t shiro’s first time by any means, but it’s been a long time since he last did this. here, he’s upsetting himself over the thought of keith stumbling away after relations and yet, that’s all shiro’s done too since arriving here. god, he’s clearly more starved for soft, sleepy affections than he would have ever dared to think. ]
A little. [ but yes, nice. he laughs to cover up the direction of his thoughts, eyes still closed and fingers ending their caress. ] Go to sleep, Keith. Dream of a bigger bed. You’ll forget all about me being here… hogging all the space.
[ marginally emboldened, keith drapes his arm around shiro a little more definitively and likewise closes his eyes. it doesn't make the flutter in his chest any less potent to do so when all closing his eyes does is accentuate his awareness of all the places they're touching and each breath that fans across his face, but seeing nothing at least dampens some of the jitters from their faces being so close. he doesn't know what to call or how to label what it is that they're doing together like this, but try as keith did to ignore all media based social conditioning back home, he's not oblivious to the trope of goodnight kisses. or kissing in general really.
he couldn't say for sure whether or not shiro is thinking along similar lines. maybe he is, considering they were talking about anal together earlier, but the thought only makes the squirmy feeling in keith's stomach bloom and curl his toes. a little guiltily, keith hastily clears his throat and half mumbles into the pillow. ]
The point is that I'm sharing the cot with you. [ implied: so why would i want to forget? face warming for the umpteenth time, keith holds his breath for two beats, then releases it slowly. ] ... I like it.
[ and just like that, it dawns on shiro that he’s been approaching this wrong. over and over, he’s been circling around keith’s sentence sheet. no aftercare, no kissing, no meeting of the lowest threshold when it comes to sharing one’s body with someone else. and throughout, what has shiro been doing? waiting for keith to indicate that he wants that. it’s all so backwards. the one time keith outright said what he wanted from shiro, shiro turned him down and came back too late for a reoffer. now, shiro’s motivated to right this slight against keith, but he’s stalling because keith hasn’t verbalized kiss me…?
shiro cracks his eyes open on the thought, staring through half-lidded eyes at keith’s too close face. silently, he lists off the wordless hints that he’s been too ridiculous to notice for what they are. bodies close, arms draped, feet tangled, noses brushing, space gone – there’s also a quiet i like it that taps awake his resolve. keith’s been indicating this whole time that he’s open to it, hasn't he?
yeah, he’s been looking at this all wrong. maybe keith hasn’t been properly kissed because others are as stupid and blind as shiro is. maybe they’re all hesitating too, even though keith’s done everything right by meeting them – him – halfway. more than halfway. all shiro has to do is tilt his face a few slivers closer and there, done, someone will have finally given keith the small token of affection that he deserves.
thinking it is one thing, doing it is another. he’s motivated though. even a little chastised. if no one else is going to take care of keith, then shiro will. it’s easier when it’s framed like that and so, the honesty keeps, a few seconds delayed – ]
I like it too.
[ – being breathed between them. confidence builds and he follows through by arcing across the pillow to press his lips to keith’s. one – he holds his breath. two – he forgets to close his eyes. three – his arm tightens around keith, even while his mouth remains butterfly light. onto the fourth beat and he eases off the gentle pressure, only then closing his eyes as he settles back on the pillow. if there’s a cue here to talk about what he just did, shiro misses it and instead only murmurs a soft: ]
[ the barely there pressure against his lips lasts for four beats, and keith wastes about half of them being confused about what exactly is happening. at first, he's convinced the added bit of contact is nothing more than the unfortunate consequence of trying to shuffle around in close proximity, but by the time he has his eyes open agai and ready to hear an apology, the feather pressure is gone and his lips tingle in the aftermath. keith stares, expectation shifting from apology to explanation, but when that doesn't come either, he's left with a ridiculous flutter in his chest that spreads to his stomach and further down to the tips of his toes.
goodnight? sweet dreams?
keith laughs without completely meaning to. part incredulous, part helpless outlet for the amplified jittery, tingling feeling, keith starts talking before he has any idea of what he actually wants to say. ]
Did you just...
[ kiss me? he trails off after hearing his own hopefulness unfiltered in voice. there aren't many ways to misinterpret four whole beats of gentle lip to lip contact, but surely if that's how shiro meant it, there would be some acknowledgement afterwards? maybe? yes? no? second guessing wildly, keith flushes and clears his throat. he isn't able to stamp out his jubilance, but his tone is a little more subdued all the same as he gently curls his fingers along the small of shiro's back. ]
I mean... sweet dreams? [ shit, why is that a question again? keith clears his throat a second time, then hastily closes his eyes before this turns into a conversation he's not entirely sure he's capable of handling right this moment. what does it even mean if friends kiss to say good night just because they can? and putting that aside, does this mean shiro thinks kissing feels right? warmth buzzing pleasantly under shiro's hands, keith tucks himself in just a little closer, ducking his head to rest under his best firend's chin. ]
[ True, the ghost pepper incident hadn't been his finest hour. But that only gives Jesse that much more reason to follow through on the dare he'd turned down, right? He has a reputation to redeem. ]
Hell yeah man, let's fuckin do this shit
[ And ten minutes later, he's at the shed as promised, poking at it with a vague frown. There don't seem to be any obvious weak points that he can see, but hopefully whatever Keith's idea is will get them inside without alerting the authorities. ]
[ ha, well... if jesse had been hoping that keith would be subtle about this, he's about to be very disappointed. jesse beats him to the shed, but only by a minute or so. ]
Hey.
[ keith gives a nod in greeting as he approaches the shed, then turns his attention to the heavy bolt and chains keeping the shed locked. while those look sturdy enough, the wood around it? not so much.then again, there's also a window higher up that they could probably crack open if one gave the other a boost up. keith frowns, weighing the two options before turning to jesse. ]
So. How do you wanna get in? If you gave me a boost, I could probably break open that window or we could just screw subtlety and get in through the door.
[ because well. there's really there won't be much subtlety once they get the truck out. ]
[ Jesse tenses a little when he hears someone approaching, briefly afraid that he's about to be caught, but he relaxes when he sees that it's just Keith. ]
Hey.
[ He nods in return, then follows Keith's lead, studying the chains like...well, like he has any idea what he's doing or looking at. A quick glance at the window up above has him frowning thoughtfully. They're both pretty skinny, but it still looks like it might be a tight fit. He glances at Keith curiously, with a helpless shake of his head. Those chains look pretty unbreakable to him. ]
[ which alone isn't much of an explanation, but give him a second. keith closes his eyes, focusing for a moment. a beat, then out of nowhere this steering wheel contraption appears in keith's right hand. he holds it up, then activates it turning iit into a sword. keith grins, then jerks his head back towards the chains. ]
My bayard should be able to cut through the chains, but even if it couldn't... it can definitely get through the wood it's holding together. Chains are only as secure as what they're holding together, y'know?
[ ofc the fact that he's saying any of this probably gives a good amount of insight into why keith is actually here besides "mullet." ]
[ Jesse just shakes his head, still frowning vaugely in confusion - that doesn't explain anything at all. Until Keith whips something out seemingly out of nowhere, like a fucking magic trick, and then as if that wasn't enough he moves his hand and the thing he'd been holding transforms into an honest to god sword. ]
Holy shit!
[ Jesse jumps back, eyes wide. What the fuck had he just seen? He blinks, staring as if expecting the sword to disappear, and then creeps closer, peering at it. But it seems just as solid and real as Jesse and Keith themselves, and really, is there more than one answer here? He flicks his eyes back up to Keith, and then grins, wide and devilish. ]
[ there's a lot that could and probably should be said about the value of subtlety and cooler heads prevailing, but ... frankly, keith's got limited sympathy for the sex trafficking alien overlords. if they break the shed, so what? if they break the truck, so what?
shooting jesse an equally devilish grin, keith laughs. ]
You're on. Let's make these assholes sorry for ever having brought us here in the first place.
[ and with no further hesitation, keith raises his sword and with a few quick slashes that make it abundantly clear that this whole breaking and entering gig is definitely something he's done before, the wood around the chains breaks apart and the door to the shed creaks open. ]
C'mon!
[ the inside of the large shed is illuminated only by whatever light filters in through the windows, but there's a large workspace fillce with leftover gardening supplies strewn around, a large desk and a hook where a set of keys are dangling and of course, THE GRAND PRIZE:: THE RUSTY TRUCK. ]
[ Jesse's not actually all that mad about being here, honestly. In a lot of ways - most ways, actually - it's better than the life he'd left behind.
But the fact is that they had been abducted and imprisoned here, and had aphrodisiacs costantly shoved at them on top of it. Even if things had happened to turn out all right for Jesse - at least so far - he's not above a little payback, just for the principle of the thing.
And apparently Keith's the perfect partner for just that exact thing. Jesse's eyes go wide and he laughs in pure amazement and admiration when Keith just whacks the whole thing open and the door creaks open. He hurries in after him, looking around curiously, but there's only one thing that can really catch his interest right now. Jesse grins wide when he spots the truck, and he snatches the keys off the wall, hesitating just long enough to glance at Keith, holding them up in one hand. ]
You wanna do the honors? Or...?
[ He's dying to get behind the wheel, but Keith had done the hard work of getting them inside, after all. It's only fair that he should get first dibs on driving, if he wants it. ]
[ keith takes a further moment to glance around. not that he thinks the porn aliens are dumb enough to be storing anything worth stealing in a low security shed, but you never know? he deactivates his sword, and picks up what what appears to be a plain old gardening trowel as jesse goes right for the keys.
the offer actually makes, debating it for a beat, but... ]
Nah, you go right ahead. I'll take shotgun.
[ a beat. ]
Make sure you get as much fun out of this as you can cuz when it's my turn I'm gonna rig it up to crash into the barrier keeping us in. Wanna see how tough that thing is.
[ stating all this so nonchalantly like this is all part of a plan that jesse agreed to despite, you know, this being the first time this has ever come up. ]
[ Jesse flashes him a grin, hopping behind the wheel. When Keith reveals his plan for crashing into the barrier, he doubletakes for a second, but he recovers quickly, laughing in delight. ]
Fuck yeah, man! Let's bust the hell out!
[ Sure, even if the truck manages to break through, they'll still be trapped on an alien planet, unless there happens to be a spaceship parked right outside the fence or something. But hell, they've already broken the lock and stolen the truck. Might as well make the most of it, right?
Speaking of which, Jesse's ready to make the most of things right away. As soon as Keith's settled in next to him, he sticks the keys in the ignition and floors it, careening out of the shed and onto the grounds. Luckily, the prison's not that populated, and the area they're in is deserted. There's plenty of room for a joyride, and Jesse pumps his fist in the air, yelling with joy as he starts doing donuts. ]
keith gets maybe two nanoseconds to recover when the lady starts freaking out. so he probably owes her an explanation or three, but he's not above frowning before putting his hands up in some placating gesture of peace. ]
Look, lady. I'm not interested in hurting or doing anything else to you.
[ granted, considering the wolf's teleported them to his cube, maybe that's not wholly believable at face value but... ]
I was just trying to get you away from that creep. Who the hell is that guy anyway?
[ In some paradoxical way, the creepy mist is a welcome distraction from the strange daily life James is starting to get accustomed to in this prison. There is nothing less enthralling than day in day out talking about the sex you're expected to be having - at this point James feels like he'd gladly remain celibate for life.
So when the cemetery gates hang open in the mysterious fog, he goes into Mission Mode. Is it wise? Maybe not. Is it something else to occupy his brain? Definitely. He just has to check it out. He wishes he had any mission gear though.
And still, he is wandering through the gates, into the low visibility field awaiting him inside. Keeping himself close to gravestones as if looking for cover from gunfire, he proceeds--
and stops dead when a familiar silhouette stands in the middle of the path.
Good morning class, we have a special... a special... ah, what is... says the disoriented voice of Mrs Robinson from middle school. ]
[ there's a sum zero of anything about their current predicament that keith is fond of. from the fog so thick that he can barely see what's in front of him to the oppressive red glow from the lighthouse, keith's nerves are on high alert. adding to an already tense situation is the fact that keith apparently can't figure out where the fuck he's going.
he'd thought walking this way would mean getting back to his cube from the commissary, but somehow he's managed to miss every indication to turn left at the housing and has instead marched right past the barbed wire fence he'd cut through ages ago to end up in the cemetery. annoyed, tense and hyper vigilant, keith has his knife drawn ready to jam the pointy end right at anything that might be a threat that emerges through the roiling fog.
what he hears is a threat alright, but not the kind he was expecting.
a familiar voice from one of his old nightmares echoes in the distance, making keith freeze in place. ]
Hello?
[ the call is tentative as he starts walking towards the familiar voice. fuck, this whole set up has the fishy smell of being a d-grade horror movie trap, but how is he not supposed to investigate? but disoriented as keith is, it's not as though he gets a real say in where he's going. he takes three steps towards the sound, feels more lost than ever and then practically jumps when he all but stumbles into griffin, only narrowly avoiding an actual collision. ]
What are you doing here? Where's the lad....
[ the question dies in his mouth as keith looks a little further ahead at the face of their former junior high teacher. ]
You're late, Keith. You'll last a week at the Garrison with this kind of disrespectful behavior. Unlike James. A model student, our James is. Such a special class we have today ..
[ too bewildered to be offended, keith looks to griffin. ]
[ There is something relieving about Keith's presence, if only because Keith is not dead, because Keith is alive and annoying and-- ]
I didn't do anything--!!
[ He snaps back automatically, though the pitch of his voice betrays some panic. ]
Of course he didn't. [ says Mrs. Robinson, entirely unhelpfully.
James has a hard time taking his eyes off the woman. He hadn't thought about her much after middle school - a teacher among many. She praised him a lot and he was proud of that, but he'd always made sure to be extremely praiseworthy in front of any adult so it's not as though their old homeroom teacher had been particularly special.
It was only when the war started that she came back to the forefront of his mind. And then, it was only because her death was one of the few they could explicitly confirm. ]
... you're a ghost. You have to be. Please... return to your grave peacefully.
[ Is this what you say to a ghost? James feels as though he's reciting some stupid movie and he feels as though he also looks very stupid doing so, but what else is there to do? He doesn't know. He kind of wants to run, but that is out of the question. ]
[ keith's eyes snap back to their former teacher when she defends griffin's apparent blamelessness. this time, his focus stays on the woman like he's seeing her for the first time. keith had been all too happy to forget all about mrs. robinson when he'd left that dreary school for good, but he must have done a proper job of forgetting because he can't help thinking that she looks... smaller somehow. older, too, and much less like some towering figure who rained detentions down upon him.
no -- of course, that's all just a trick of perception. in reality, keith's the one who outgrew his short kid stature and has seen creatures and entities far more intimidating than an underpaid middle aged school teacher.
but while keith is caught staring, griffin is prattling on about ghosts and graves and ... and keith is too blindsided by an immediate surge in irritation that griffin doesn't know that some of their fellow inmates are actually people who've died in their realities for the iimplication to infiltrate. ]
Griffin, you sound like a discount spirit medium. She could be a new prisoner.
[ which... is kind of disturbing on multiple levels actually?? keith makes a face, trying to look for any sign of an anklet. but then again, if she's a new prisoner, why isn't she in that horrible orange uniform? should he even be questioning that or is it simply a blessing that he doesn't have to look at his old teacher in booty shorts? ]
I'm exactly where I ought to be, James. Right here, teaching my class. I'm not due to retire for many more years yet. You'll help me find my students won't you? I'm... afraid. For their safety. There was a terrible explosion outside....
[ she takes several steps forward, hands outstretched to take james by the arm. if he allows contact, he'll find her hands are cold and stiff. ]
[ Whatever reasonable thing Keith has to say about the possibility of her being a newcomer to the prison doesn't really reach James' mind. As soon as Mrs Robinson steps forward, even Keith himself becomes an afterthought to James' experience of the situation.
I've seen your body, I've seen your body, I've seen your body runs through his mind as he helplessly listens to a woman who sounds so very very alive.
Her fingers touch him and he yanks away in the very same moment, a movement so violent that it's hard to believe it comes from him. The James of the past would have never treated a teacher this way, but the James of the present feels like screaming.
The apparition of Mrs Robinson seems to be as shocked as the real one might have been in the same situation. ]
My, what's gotten into y--
It's gone.
[ James is going for 'firm reality check' but again, his tone is a little off. ]
The school is gone. I'm sorry. There's nobody to find.
[ the jerk back and away is startling even to keith who's never seen james react to anyone in a position of authority that viscerally. it's frankly disorienting all over again, for once being on the same page as mrs. robinson, but the thought is quickly quashed by the next outburst.
keith's never known sendak to be anything but a piece of shit who splits opposing defenses by targeting helpless civilians. sendak wouldn't target earth's military bases only -- of course not. why woul he even havee to when earth's technology is so far eclipsed by what's om board a single galra cruiser?
knowing all that doesn't soften the impact. if the school building is gone, then the group hohome and every other place keith once would have described as hell on earth might now exist as rubble and in the synapses in his brain. is his dad's cabin gone too? it'd be far enough out of the way that keith thought maybe it could have survived, but....
no. there are bigger things going on here than a delayed onset existential crisis. like griffin having an apparent meltdown. ]
Griffin, you're just agitating her!
[ agitating. confusing. perhaps neither. whatever's going on in mrs. robinson's head, her expression stays strangely blank, like a movie reel that's reached the end of the film. ]
I found you and Keith. The others can't be too far away now.... Come on, James. We must find somewhere safe. Then we can continue our lessons, wouldn't you like that? The Garrison will sort out the explosions. Yes, the Garrison... we're not too far from the Galaxy Garrison.
[ Being scolded by Keith of all people is a splash of cold water into James' face and it makes him ball his fists and will himself to calm down. When he evades Mrs Robinson's arm this time, it's with a firm step back rather than with a rapid motion.
He can't even explain to himself why he's so averse to her touching him - she's not trying to harm him, she is looking for support. Even if she is a ghost, doesn't she deserve that much? Hasn't she been enough part of his life that he owes her?
And still, her rigid hands make his hairs stand on end.
Mrs Robinson seems confused again, almost hurt,looking down at her own hands as if she is also wondering what is wrong with them. ]
Mrs Robinson. Were Keith and I in your class when the explosions happened? Please try to remember.
[ If she is a new prisoner, then this cannot possibly be true, right? There were no Galra attacks when the two of them were in school. She's mixing everything up.
The carbon copy of his former teacher still stares at her hands. ]
I... Of course, dear. You're the pride of our school. You've always been-- you're always in class, you never miss a day. Not like Keith.
[ "That's not the point," James thinks and it's a little funny because it used to always be the point.
Mrs Robinson turns to Keith, frowning. She seems to forget what to do with her hands, holding them unnaturally stiff in front of her even as she is no longer observing them. ]
[ there's a couple of words keith could use to describe this interaction. bizarre, for starters. creepy would be another choice. however, all it takes is another couple of seconds for keith to decide the only way to eescribe this whole situation is underwhelming. expression souring in nanoseconds, keith is somehow actually caught off guard enough to be affronted. ]
The hell are you on? Has Griffin ever listened to me?
[ forget the fact that he'd just been telling griffin that their former teacher is confused and disoriented and should probably be approached with greater care. no, all of that goes flying out the window as soon as the ridiculous accusation leaves her mouth.
as bulletproof as keith's argument is, however, it only seems to solidify whatever narrative mrs robinson has built up in her head as she turns her scowling face towads him, hands long forgotten. ]
You ill-tempered child. You mustn't speak this way. Come. To the pincipal's office.
[ she lunges, grabbing at keith's wirst. the ice cold of her hand makes keith snap his arm away, but it isn't the only thing to snap. as he twists his arm free, there's a sickening pop as tendons snap in the older woman's wrists making her hand dangle uselessly .
keith blinks, horrified for a moment. mrs robinson stares as well, not quite comprehending the wrongness of her own body when she turns to james, flailing with her drooping hand. ]
He broke my hand......
[ and yet there's no cry of pain or anything else to indicate she's suffering in any real way. ]
[ getting locked up in solitary isn't exactly a first for keith, but of course it just had to be during the week that everything started going to shit, huh? with all the exaggerated stupidity going on, the looming awareness of this place being legitimately dangerous had faded a little. stupid. keith really should have known better.
perhaps the one saving grace to being in solitary is that there aren't any windows. no windows in turn means that he can't see that ominous red glow from the lighthouse -- looking, searching for him. maybe that's not a consolation at all. maybe all it's doing is keeping him from knowing when or if whatever's looking for him will make an approach. the thoughts circle like vultures above carrion, and there's little keith can do but pace the five steps forward and five steps back in his tiny cell.
focus is what keith keeps telling himself. spiraling anxiety won't help anything. back in the quantum abyss there'd been plenty of days when keith thought they'd just be doomed to wander space forever. that he'd die without ever seeing another human face ever again. it's terrifying how easily those intrusive thoughts come crawling back to the surface with minimal provocation.
shiro, the wolf, his friends -- they're all out there just beyond this one door. keith tells himself as much, knowing he'll only be in solitary for a few more days, but when there's nothing to do but sit in mist induced fear, a few days feels impossibly long. keith curls up tight in the corner, arms hugging his knnes and head bowed an. when he gets out of here, maybe he'll try and talk shiro into cuddling under the covers for a day.
if.
and who's to even say shiro would want to? shiro's been through much worse than this during his time as a galran prisoner. who's to say the guy wouldn't look at this and think weak. keith looks up, haggard and growls at nobody in particular. ]
Shut it.
needlessly long per usual. also, assume kosmo can't teleport inside the cell bc alien bs magic
[ the last time keith was whisked away by their overlords, a barely typed, though thankfully sent text had kept shiro hot on their heels. this time, it takes hours for shiro to notice. guilt is easily found in that, even though he shouldn’t be blamed for having his time and focus sucked up by the turmoil of the prison’s current state. inevitably, the need to check in with keith steals to the forefront and after a text isn’t returned, shiro does his due diligence by braving mist-laden grounds to knock on his cube's door. it’s a courtesy and a brief one at that. when the knock goes unanswered, shiro pushes forward to unlock the door via his anklet and gets himself inside.
lounging on the cot stashed at the other end of the shipping container is the space wolf, who lifts his head and stares over at shiro. ]
Hey, boy.
[ only for the wolf to lay his head back down over his paws, snuffling loudly through his snout. okay. fair. ]
You’re still mad at me, huh? [ funny, it used to be the other way around between them. ] I’m sorry I dragged you off the bed.
[ shiro’s been good. shiro’s been patient, gracious and charitable, but there are only so many mornings that he can wake up to find that his spooning spot has been overtaken, somehow, by a space wolf, before he snaps. apparently, three mornings ago had been that limit.
oh well. he isn’t here to foster a truce between him and keith’s good boy. remembering that, shiro glances around the cube, looking for a clue as to where keith may have gone. the fact that his tablet is resting there on the counter and not off somewhere with keith is concerning, he supposes. he shouldn’t look, he knows he shouldn’t, but he justifies it by telling himself he only means to check if his message has been read. if it has, that would give him some sort of timeframe of when keith had been here last. will that help him any? maybe, maybe not, but seeing as he has so very little else to go off of…
he picks up the tablet and wakes the screen, only to find a different message already open.
perhaps there’s something humorous about keith being charged with grand theft auto given their history, but no piece of shiro feels like laughing. he reads over the verdicts and skims over the community services, blocking out the majority of it to solely focus on solitary confinement. that’s where keith is right now, huh?
shiro lets out a bone-weary sigh and places down the tablet, giving himself exactly ten seconds to do nothing else except breathe. it stems the panic, squashes the disappointment, softens the frustration, and by the last exhale, he’s equipped with patience, understanding, and step-one to a plan. ]
How about we make a deal? [ he walks over to the cot, watching the wolf’s ears flick toward him, even though his head doesn’t budge. ]
I’ll reinstate your bed privileges if you bring me to Keith. That fair?
[ apparently it is, because it doesn’t take long for the wolf to lift his head, look at shiro, and then shift his weight over, craning his head close in what shiro assumes to be a hold on. he does so by placing his palm on the wolf’s forehead and then zap, they’re gone, only to materialize in familiar surroundings. shiro winces, frowning. ]
… This is my cube. [ he’s standing by his bed, watching the wolf trot across the space and wondering if the wolf got confused with the bed talk. ] We really need to work on your sense of direc– hey.
[ the wolf is up on his hind legs, big paws on the counter and nose pressed forward, bumping through the little tower of ramen boxes shiro has amassed. sharp teeth catch at one package and then the wolf swings off the counter, coming back toward shiro with the cup of noodles dangling from his mouth. ]
You want some – oh. [ it just clicks. solitary confinement isn’t known for its five star accommodations. he steps closer and takes the ramen box. ] For Keith? [ he rips back the paper container, breathing out a heh. ]
Smart pup.
[ seemingly proud, the wolf’s tongue lolls out of his mouth and his tail swishes back an’ forth, knocking against shiro’s leg as he walks by. it takes some careful maneuvering with the hot plate, but shiro gets the cup of noodles filled and heated, soon turning back to the wolf. ]
Ready?
[ the wolf butts his head to shiro’s thigh and then they’re off again. it only takes a fraction of a moment. shiro blinks a few times in quick succession and takes in the thick, non-balsa wood door in front of him, gaze settling on the small, barred window. he steps closer, face craned in close to the bars to see someone very small and very defeated. ]
Keith… hey…
[ already, his heart feels heavy. seeing keith in any sort of distress isn’t easy. he makes an attempt for a smile and the softest of teases, wanting to brighten some of the dreariness. ]
Can’t stay outta trouble, can you?
Edited (does shiro feel burning now or later, no one knows) 2022-09-01 22:37 (UTC)
[ the sudden flash of blue-white light just outside his door makes keith startle. it shouldn't because he's seen that flash before and knows exactly who comes along with it, but something about the fog is unsettling to the core and keith's head is full of horrible outcomes to even consider the fact that a friendly face has come to visit. let alone two friendly faces.
within seconds, shiro's face is at the bars of the heavy door and while that alone would have been sufficient to make keith skip beats, hearing the click of nails and paws against the floor just outside pierces straight through the spectre of loneliness permeating the cell. ]
Shiro??
[ two syllables shouldn't be able to convey the amount of hopefulness that it does, but keith staggers to his feet. for all he knows, solitary and the fog combined are doing a number on his head, but that doesn't matter. he rushes to the door, hands pushing through the bars to try and touch. of course, he only gets as far as brushing the metal and yelping as burning shoots up his arm. ]
Ah!
[ he steps away, hissing and breathing through grit teeth as he shakes his unburnt hand repeatedly. he looks up, sheepish but no less longingly. ]
.... don't you dare tell me I should have been patient.
just. the ghosts flipped a switch and now all is in effect. gl lost, hunted, burning, naked keith
[ much better. not that there is a lot of wiggle room for improvement in a situation that has keith sentenced to solitary confinement, but the upkick in keith’s voice has shiro’s heart feeling a tad lighter. the smile is still tentative, yet easier to maintain as keith comes closer. up until, of course, keith reaches for the bars. shiro is already swaying closer, subconsciously yearning for a brush of those fingers. unfortunately, the metal gets it first and then keith is yelping away.
his eyes go wide and his mouth parts on a sound of shock, air soon filling his lungs on a sharp intake as he’s on the verge of asking the stupidest, more obvious question: are you okay? but keith looks up and shiro feels pinned down, both by the look itself and by keith’s easy nature. time and time again, keith has demonstrated a high level of pain tolerance, as well as resilience to endure even the most trying setbacks but…
he’s fine? what even happened? did he cut himself on an uneven bar, where the coating has peeled? is that even possible?
shiro frowns, momentarily thrown, and ends up defaulting to his initial concern. ]
Actually… I was gonna say you should’ve told me they were coming for you.
[ last time keith had. he wonders if there simply hadn’t been time between the messages and the retrieval, or if keith, for whatever reason, hadn’t felt it necessary to share the knowledge with shiro. he should’ve checked the timestamps of the messages; he hadn’t even thought to. now that he thinks to, though, he immediately feels worse for it. if he starts down that road of victim blaming… – he doesn’t want to get caught up in that right now. not when keith is still shaking his hand while standing in a tiny cell. ]
But hey, lemme see. What happened to – ah!
[ he’s a fool. he braces his flesh hand on the door as he tries to get a better, closer look inside the room and just like that, heat engulfs his fingertips and climbs high in a fraction of a moment, igniting the instinct to rip his hand away. he mimics keith almost entirely, except his jerk back and subsequent shaking of his hand jars his whole body, meaning he spills some of that cup of noodle. the space wolf whines next to him, not quite in the splash zone but near enough for him to start sniffing at the little puddle on the floor.
shiro barely gives him any mind, too busy now looking his flesh fingers over and seeing… nothing. they aren’t even red. he keeps on frowning, sending a suspicious glance to the door itself. ]
[ the reprimand is mild at best, but keith hears it loud adn clear. you should have told me. now that his hand isn't touching anything, the comment stings worse. perhaps though, it isn't meant to be a barb? shiro seems to move on from it relatively quickly, and a beat later keith's thoughts are miles away when shiro also yelps and steps back from the door. ]
Shiro!
[ distinctly alarmed, keith takes another step closer to the door, this time keeping his hands pressed to his sides. the narrow view he gets through the bars of shiro standing there, shaking out one hand while holding a cup of ramen in the other while the wolf takes a curious lick at the spilled borth is such a welcome sight that keith is lost for words.
stupid. minutes ago, he'd been worrying that maybe shiro wouldn't understand, yet here he is with the wolf and food. ungrateful is the self-berating thought that comes to mind. shiro doesn't deserve uncharitable assumptions. expression flattering, keith swallows hard then: ]
I don't know. I can't touch rhinfa without it burning for some reason. It's not just the door. I figured it had to do with my sentence or something, but...
[ keith grimaces, voice soft as he trails off. no -- this isn't what he wants to say. what he wants to say is: ]
I'm sorry. The tablet burned, you know? [ another beat, then keith shakes his head daring to step a pinch closer. ] .... Shiro, I'm kinda scared. I... I can't shake the feeling that something from the lighthouse is coming for me.
[ a few months spent in this particular jail and shiro’s reaching a level of desensitivity that has him accepting the strange and unexpected without a hint of fanfare. initially, the hijinxs of this place catered more to heavy doses of aphrodisiac, applications of which not only included consumables, but rainfall as well. lately, the warden and his deputies have branched away from this, beginning to try other things on them, such as drugs to grow tails, ears, wings. or in keith’s case, galran features. there is, of course, also the dig inside his mind to conjure up buried memories. if those in charge can swing that, is it really all that surprising that they have found some way to tinker with their perspectives, again, and have them imagining a burn?
the only aspect of it that gives him pause is that the warden has seemingly abandoned his station. some of his deputies, too. ever since that mist rolled in, the prison has become something else. so if the warden and his deputies aren’t here, pulling the strings and making decisions on behalf of them all, per usual, then who is? who is playing tricks on their minds? the mist? the spirits that shiro isn’t wholly convinced are actually there?
he frowns, looking up and through the slats of the bars. ]
Nothing’s going to get you. [ whatever uncertainty he feels is stubbornly kept out of his voice. he’s vehement and firm. ]
I’m here.
[ the snouty huff beside him has him tipping a glance down and after a wordless stare off, shiro looks back to keith. ]
So is the wolf. Nothing is getting by us.
[ he doesn’t mean to make light of keith’s apprehension. he’s taking it seriously. keith’s intuition has a proven record of being right; besides, it isn’t often that keith flat-out says he’s scared. that alone has shiro’s concern ticking up, anxiety and dread churning his stomach. uncomfortable but not wanting to show it, he breaks eye contact to look down and in the pause, he presses his index finger to the door, just to test it again. an immediate flare of pain hitches the beat of his heart until it’s fluttering sharply in his chest and while he doesn’t hold his finger there more than a split second, his body doesn’t relax in the following moments. ]
… Even though I seem to have the same problem with the burning. [ and now he taps his middle finger to the ramen cup still held in his metal hand. the burning sensation is just as potent. ] Weird.
[ the disgruntled snuffle from the wolf at least makes keith smile, though its worn thin by the knowledge that he can't actually reach through the bars to give the wolf the attention he deserves. ]
I know, I know...
[ the words are murmured to acknowledge the wolf's presence more so than accept shiro's reassurances, but not for a lack of wanting to be reassured. it's true that shiro and the wold woulf both play guard, but how does one protect against a threat that's yet to have made itself distinctly known? keith isn't sure if the sick claustrophobic feeling is coming from the tiny cell or from within his own head.
doesn't matter. it's only as real as keith allows it to be, and there are beings here that matter far more than whatever his muddled, anxiety riddled brain is coming up with. giving himself a shake, he watches in horror as shiro insists on touching things for science and flinching away. ]
Hey, stop touching things that're burning you!
[ because of course shiro's safety and well being comes before the more pressing question of: ]
Why is this even happening to you? You weren't there -- you didn't take apart that corpse.
[ the realization of what he's said hits a beat late. keith's goes briefly wide eyed before staring miserably at the ramen cup in shiro's metal hand. ]
... I- I didn't thikn that would come back like this.
[ expelling a heavy sigh, keith takes a half step back the door. ]
[ listen. he’s conducting an experiment. it’s important that he know what effects are currently wreaking havoc; not that he learns much from this other than don’t touch things. the how, the why, the when is this going to be over are, of course, unanswerable right now, but this is a start. which works out, really, considering keith throws him off course not more than three seconds later. shiro snaps his gaze up at that, only crossing keith’s gaze for half a beat to see the tail-end of that surprise before keith is looking away.
ah. the slight waver in his voice is telling, as is the look on his face. this is something to tread lightly with.
shiro does his best to be comforting and offers up a smile, one that colors his voice sweet and just the slightest bit playful. ]
This isn’t for me. [ you ridiculous boy. ] I brought this for you.
[ a snout jabs his thigh. oh for the love of – ]
It was the space wolf’s idea.
[ he looks down at the space wolf, who is already looking up at him. whatever. shiro has an easy way to one up him. apparently, these aliens are good at building fences or barriers or doors that keep space wolf hijinxs at bay, but they aren’t well equipped to keep shiro out, at least when it comes to doors. ]
Just – hold on. [ he bends down to put the ramen cup on the ground and then straightens back up, his galra arm lighting up. ] Let me just –
[ the locking mechanism is easy to burn through. it is, possibly, a hasty decision that will demand retribution later, but leaving keith there, clearly scared and miserable, to rot away in a cell in a confinement center that might very well be just as abandoned as everywhere else in this compound, is, frankly, out of the question. of course shiro is going to spring him out.
making sure keith is out of the way, he nudges the door open with his deactivated, metal hand, smiling even though the space wolf bullies in before him. ]
Burn proof. Guess you could say the metal hand comes in, heh, handy.
[ the space wolf isn’t shy in taking over keith’s space and considering the size of the cell, there isn’t much to give. shiro stands in the doorway for now, crouching down to pick up the ramen cup. ]
But… I don’t know, Keith. I don’t know why it’s happening, but I don’t think this place ever needs a reason to mess with us.
[ back to his feet, shiro looks to keith and can’t stop the concern from overtaking his expression, wilting his smile. ]
I heard about the corpse you guys found. I didn’t know you did anything to it. [ a softer: ] Do you wanna talk about it?
[ the ramen is for him. it shouldn't be nearly as touching as it is, but with the food in jail in an even more deplorable state, it's hard not to be immensely touched by the knowledge that the wolf and shiro were looking out for him. teaming up, even, to make sure he's had a bite to eat, and some friendly company.
you guys... is what he starts to say, but shiro's gotten other ideas. seeing the galra hand light up gives the plan away immediately, but it still surprises keith on some level that shiro would be going to these lengths after giving those warnings about not crossing prison personnel. is he complaining or telling shiro to stop, however? no. absolutely not. his stay in solitary this time has been much different to his last one, and a more paranoid part of keith suspects their overlords might have left him to die here.
before he can yet again get too lost down a rabbit hole of grim pessimism, the door creaks open slowly before it's slammed open by a whirlwind of paws and silvery blue fur. the wolf leaps froward, tail wagging furiously as keith lets out a yelp before getting knocked backwards. he braces for a burn that never comes. confused but pleased all the same, keith tkaes an extra second to get his bearings. ]
H-hey, it's good to see you too, buddy.
[ wrestling the wolf until he's up to a seated position, keith laughs and gives the wolf a gentle noogie. [] THank you for bringing Shiro and food.
[ speaking of which, keith looks up then, turning his attention to shiro at the opened doorway, ramen cup back in hand. ]
.... and thank you, too. I -- [ making a face, keith pushes the wolf's snout away to try and properly get to his feet, only to have his hand promptly covered in drool. ] Heh, c'mon, let me up.
[ the wolf assents this time, sitting down like a proper good boy with wide innocent eyes. keith rises, then takes several steps towards shiro. ]
There's not a whole lot to say about it. Lance, Angel and I found a trunk that had a mummified alien body inside. Angel took the body apart, and we found a large capsule inside. It contained a slip of paper with a pattern on it and a ship trinket. We took it, hoping to figure out what it was, but we never did. I just... maybe all of this is because something in the lighthouse wants it back.
[ smile slipping, keith forces it back in place as he leaves just one last step between him and shiro. ]
.. but you're right. This place doesn't need reasons to mess with us. [ tentatively, keith holds up his hand. ] ... Think I could touch you too? [ without getting burned that is. or would that be too generous of whatever curse thing is going on. ]
[ yeah, buddy, enjoy free rein of keith; it won’t last much longer. shiro just needs to be patient, wait for keith to look his way and – there, shiro strengthens his smile. keith steps closer and it feels a little like a victory… until such juvenile delight is squashed under the weight of keith’s words. some of it he knows, some he doesn’t. the big stuff? yeah. it’s the smaller details that he hasn’t gleaned over the months, like angel taking the body apart or there being a piece of paper and amulet, that they kept…? who has those now?
he intends to ask. even if keith is mimicking shiro’s signature move of downplaying, to then gloss over the magnitude of the discovery, shiro realizes that there’s much more to suss out here, especially given keith’s mounting fear.
… but keith’s distracting in other ways, too. he positions himself right in front of shiro, only to circle back to the other dilemma that shiro would very much like to figure out first. the space wolf tilts his head, watching. shiro sees him do it, a little fuzzy on the edge of his vision, there, over keith’s shoulder; shiro’s gaze stays squarely on keith though. ]
Hope so.
[ his voice pitches with a lightness that doesn’t fit the seriousness of the situation. what’s he going to do if they can’t touch without unintentionally inflicting pain on each other? it’s temporary. maybe? hopefully? well, best to run another experiment before he gets too far ahead of himself, yeah?
briefly, he looks to keith’s hand, before catching keith’s gaze again. arms loose at his sides and all of him lax, aside from the continued pinched of his metal fingers around the rim of the ramen cup, shiro drops all semblance of defense in offer. ]
[ considering keith's just admitted to aiding and abetting in defiling a corpse and potentially unleashing something horrible from inside the lighthouse? yeah. shiro's cheerful tone and open arms are definitely a strange tone to be taking on.
but that said? the levity makes keith do a brief double take. maybe the connection between the incidents isn't as clear cut to others as they are in his head? maybe he's tunneled in on some disparate facts that aren't actually related? shiro is right, after all, that this place rarely ever needs a reason to fuck with their heads.
it's unsettling. not only does keith need to second or third guess his own reasoning, he's also just now realizing he has no idea what the bigger picture here is. the mist isn't aphrodisiac, and touching only resulting in the feeling of burning is so nonconducive to the usual sex that's constantly pushed that he feels less and less grounded.
good thing, then, that shiro's right there ready with a smile. it's a potent reminder that even when keith can't quite trust himself, he feels safe trusting shiro. keith swallows, giving shiro an up-down glance before returning a hesitant but warn smile at the invitation. ]
I don't want to hurt you.
[ it shouldn't have to be stated. shiro is always the last person keith wants to hurt, but knowing he's failed his shiro at home by not realizing the clone situation after it was already too late makes the obvious feel important to say out loud. banishing the thought for a moment, keith tries for light hearted with a joking-not joking: ]
Brace yourself.
[ before squeezing his eyes shut and delivering a quick peck to the cheek. the contact lasts barely a second from all of keith's low expectations for touch being pleasant, but he blinks his eyes open a beat later, looking a mixture of sheepish and pleased. ]
...Oh. Heh, I guess nothing bad happened after all.
[ and shiro doesn’t want to hurt keith, either. seems only natural then, to let keith control the experiment: the start, the stop, the where. touching his left hand would be the predictable place to start, but there’s also the uncovered skin of his throat, neck, face, ears – keith could brush his fingers against any and shiro would let him. of course, keith isn’t always predictable. in fact, he rarely is, so is it shiro’s own fault that he’s surprised by the peck to his cheek? yes. just – keith with his minimal care of self-preservation… using the delicate skin of his lips to run a burn test. shiro has the urge to sigh and chide, but he ends up huffing on a laugh instead.
okay, it’s kind of sweet. and given the current disarray of their lives, especially keith’s, they might need a little sweet right now.
so shiro tries for unpredictability as well. leaning down he presses a kiss to keith’s cheek, his lasting a beat longer and ending a bit louder on the pull away. his lips tingle, though that’s not particularly new; there’s always a rush when he kisses keith. ]
Just wanted to be extra sure.
[ his expression is softer; gaze affectionate and smile easy. there’s a low, snuffing sound though and shiro briefly looks away from keith to spy the space wolf watching them. of course he’d be watching them, but catching the wolf’s gaze has shiro clearing his throat. ]
Right. [ he stands straighter. ] Now let’s get some ramen in you before we let your friend there try zapping us out of here.
[ shiro doesn’t doubt the space wolf’s ability to get them back to one of their cubes… much. in the back of his mind, he can’t shake the idea that there is the possibility of something going awry. again. so might as well get keith fed before they embark on what could very well be a long afternoon. so shiro steps to the wall – which is, basically, one step – and goes to sit down, getting as comfortable as he can. ]
It gives us time for you to tell me more about this lighthouse.
[ see, he hasn’t forgotten. he crosses his legs setting the cup of noodles on the floor, in front of his crossed ankles. ]
When did you start feeling like something’s after you? Has anything happened to make you think that?
[ the exaggerated kissy noise makes keith hiccup with involuntary amusement. he's never known his own grandmother so the reference is based purely on media portrayals of grandma kisses, but this qualifies, right? it's a weird thought that only serves to bolster the giddiness that comes with shiro kisses in general. somehow it feels wrong to find any kind of relief in confirming porn prison's bottom line in pushing sex is still very much intact, but who is keith to argue when it means he gets to at least hold his favorite person and wolf without burning?
of course, that raises the question of whether or not the sense of foreboding will also clear with sex, but this time it's a thought that prompts more self chastisement than anything else. as much as sex is a means to an end in this place, shiro is not.
getting caught up on that thought is precisely why keith doesn't stop shiro from entering his cramped cell and getting comfortable. the narrowness of the space and its single exit point still sets off a terrible sense of foreboding, but it's ... at least one that keith is a step closer to dismissing as irrational. it'd been nerve wracking because he was alone and unarmed. with shiro and the wolf here, nothing is getting past, right?
if there's even a something to begin with. expression pinched with uncertainty, keith looks from shiro to the wolf nervously before allowing himself to be coaxed into sitting down across from shiro. the instant he does so, the wolf is by his side, head resting on keith's lap, eyes closed and contented.. fingers comb through silvery blue fur in some half hearted attempt to self soothe as keith murmurs: ]
But I don't think I can feed myself without burning.
[ it's not really meant as a protest. if anything, it's more to stall out on answering what exactly happened at the lighthouse and admitting outright that nothing has actually happened yet. brow pinching, keith looks down at the ramen cup, tentatively fliicking with a finger before the burn makes him jerk back with a wince. ]
Ow. [ blowing our a heavy sifh, keith continues to look pensive. ] ...And I dunno. It's like.. you know those ghost stories about spirits coming back because you disturbed their grave or something? It just feels kinda like that.
[ ....several months after the fact. because apparently this ghost was hibernating for the summer. face falling, keith groans. ]
[ keith can’t feed himself? shiro’s already worked that out in his head: he’ll handle the utensil. it’s only after he’s set the cup down, taken the fork in hand and spun noodles around it that he realizes that, wait no, this doesn’t work. keith will still be touching the fork, just with his mouth instead of his hand. will he still burn? if so… he’s going to have to rethink some upcoming meals. fuck, wait – they can eat, can’t they? or does food itself burn?
shiro’s frown deepens as keith tests the cup and then he’s right onto a wince tied to a sympathetic look. keith starts explaining then and shiro’s listening, all the while slow spinning the fork to slosh the noodles around and around. nothing of what he’s hearing is funny. it’s a serious matter that requires some serious consideration – as well as a failsafe plan if the worst is meant to happen – but lance is brought into it and all of a sudden, the mood shifts, if only for a few moments.
shiro laughs: short and huffy, his mouth twisted up on a grin. ]
Come on, give yourself some credit. You’re not that bad.
[ though, perhaps shiro shouldn’t be cutting keith such slack. this is the same boy who used to hoard those stories of bigfoot and the chupacabra and mothman. if keith swore by those and is now swearing by a vengeful ghost wanting to do a bit of haunting…
it’s difficult though, to dismiss any of this as too far-fetched to be possible. afterall – ]
Look at everything we’ve been through in the past months… and not just here, either. A ghost story come to life isn’t the weirdest thing to happen to us.
[ he lifts the fork and without further ado, feeds it into his own mouth. a touch warm but definitely not burning. good; should be clear for keith, too. he chews through and by the swallow, he reconsiders his current brand of reassurance. once again gathering noodles onto the fork, he eases into a smile that reads more sheepish. ]
… I can’t tell if I’m making you feel better or worse.
[ because, by saying he’s not crazy – or hyper-imaginative like lance – he’s also saying the ghost threat is real. so would keith feel better being crazy or hunted? either way, open up, because shiro lifts the noodle laden fork up in offer. ]
[ shiro has two pairs of eyes watching him for vastly different reasons. keith is admittedly surprised by the break into laughter, his glum expression cracking to give way to tepid curiosity. the wolf on the other hand? the pupper's eyes narrow as shiro eats his initial forkful of noodle, letting out a chiding whuffling noise as if to say hey, that's not for you.
that bit of minor antagonism gets entirely misunderstood by keith who simply assumes the wolf would like more ear skreitching. keith is happy to oblige, of course, though his uptick in mood slowly wanes as shiro begins to ramble. ... not that it's a bad thing exactly, just that keith is equally split on whether he's supposed to feel better or worse about having his anxieties validated.
better, maybe? if only because it makes him feel slightly less crazy, but then wh the hell finds reassurance in being personally haunted by a vengeful ghost and how exactly does one fight them off? one doesn't exactly need to be a ghost aficionado to suspect the usual knives and stabby things don't work on intangibles. so what's he meantt to find? a priest? holy water?
yeah. okay. feeling foolish, keith directs a huff of air up to ruffle his bangs, but before he can say anything there's a forkful of noodles being held up to his mouth. ]
Huh?
[ forgive him. the implication is obvious. open up. keith registers that a fraction late, flushing slightly as he blinks from the noodles to shiro. ]
You're... gonna feed me?
[ the flush spreads further up to his ears. he's reall yon some kind of roll with regards to pointing out the fucking obvious, huh? but still. he looks back at the fork, only to shift his gaze back to shiro. ]
I... [ it's a simple solution and a very simple gesture, but it has the unfortunate side effect of making keith realize tat he's never actually had aanyone offer to feed him this way. .... or at least, the last time he had something fed to him, it was very much not a forkful of noodles. heart racing inexplicably, keith quickly banishes the thought of anon'hard cock with a shy, mumbled: ]
Okay.
[ before leaning forward to accept his mouthful. holding eye contact with shiro during this proves to be a little too embarrassing though, and quickly keith shifts his gaze back down to shiro's .. mouth? no -- his shoulder. yes. very safe.
the noodles are warm -- probably a little too warm like they may be affected by whatever stupid porn prison magic is happening, but they're good and keith's stomach rumbles in approval. the wolf, too, finally stops glaring and resumes his happy nuzzling. unsure of what the hell the feeding protocol is, on whether he should be letting shiro pull the fork out of his mouth or what, keith nervously takes a bite and tries not to think too hard about sucking tihings as he slrups the noodles off the tines. face burning for reasons he's desperately hoping shiro won't ask about, keith murmurs: ]
[ y… es…? is that weird? of the number of things they’ve done together, not just here, but during voltron as well, there are much stranger scenarios in comparison. yet, somehow sitting together with shiro feeding keith seems like a more meaningful task than it actually is. why? because keith is vulnerable in his dependence on shiro? it’s not the first time. as fierce as keith is to endure, shiro’s been keith’s rescuer a few times. so why does this feel… intimate?
shiro mulls it over and comes up empty on explanation, though not on emotion. now that it’s in his head, he sees it from a different lens and rather than it being a simple repetition of fork and offer, he’s paying closer attention to keith’s face. to his mouth.
not the right time, he tells himself.
they’ve got a chaperone, at least, and the continued presence of the wolf is one shiro is entirely aware of. he seems, for the moment, subdued, however, and shiro is more than okay with keith indulging that happy nuzzling to keep the wolf’s dog glare off of him. those ears do perk a moment later, though. because shiro makes the mistake of laughing softly to keith’s thank you, which is, honestly, adorable. shiro’s lips pull hard into a smile and hopeless on the rush of affection, shiro ducks his head to stare into the cup, partly shielding the happy look about him. ]
You’re welcome.
[ he’s got the fork back in the cup, swirling around to line the prongs with noodles, peas, corn and carrots. ]
Hopefully this burning curse doesn’t last too long, otherwise meal times are gonna be pretty interesting from here on out.
[ if keith can chew food without burning, maybe he can handle food himself. if that’s possible, then shiro should try to locate some handheld meals – though, he supposes anything can be handheld if messiness is not a concern. they could test that out here, actually. he could scoop out some noodles and have keith touch them with his fingers. later, he thinks, and keeps on routine of bringing the fork out of the cup, extending in offer.. ]
I don’t mind, of course. It’s kinda fun.
[ … fun? he keeps his smile through the inward cringe. ]
[ keith ought to be chewing and swallowing his mouthful of ramen. instead, he's busy being a little mesmerized by the sight of shiro smiling down at the styrofoam cup, and feeling all the guiltier for ever having entertained the thought of another guy's cock. inadvertently, true, but with the initial fluster slowly wearing away, keith relaxes into the comforting uptilt of shiro's lips.
shiro's happy, the wolf is happy. as uncomfortable as the solitary cell is, in the moment keith likes that the three of them are crowded together in the narrow space, his two favorite beings in the universe both within arms reach to be pulled in for cuddles on demand. stupid because the prison is still a nightmare outside, but he's content in the knowledge that he doesn't have to face any of that alone.
ah, but he was meant to be eating not daydreaming.
shiro carries on, and keith actually snorts at the comment. ]
Fun? [ he swallows hastily, the look on his face playful. ] Y'know. You used to call things like racing out in the desert and cliff diving fun. Now it's feeding me? Next thing I know, you'll be telling me how fun the crossword is, old-timer.
[ he laughs, then obediently opens his mouth to accept his next bite of ramen. now that he's not anticipating a burn from the food, he actually chews, looking contemplative as he reaches across to gently squeeze shiro's knee. ]
... I can't remember the last time someone went out of their way to care for me like this. So I guess I'm glad it's fun.
[ shiro counts himself lucky that fun doesn’t land wrong. it has all the potential to; afterall, there’s something low key unsettling about having fun in a cramped space, when keith is severely hampered and dependent on shiro. that’s what they do though: make due with the terrible lot they’re given. he’s always appreciated that about keith; his ability to endure. he wishes circumstances weren’t so often compromised for keith, for either of them, really, but it’s nice to see that he can still make keith smile and laugh, no, snort, despite there being every reason not to.
still, old-timer? come on.
teeth lined up and occluded, shiro exhales through them for a tch, though, the smile that keeps gives away his amusement. he warms in a way that is near automatic any time he earns himself an intimate touch for keith and that right there, the hand on his knee, has shiro a little fluttery in the belly. not that it dissuades him from catching keith’s wrist between finger and thumb, giving the skin a gentle, retaliatory pinch. ]
Uh huh. I’m glad you're glad and not judging me at all.
[ he does miss that though. the desert and all the freedom that came with their adventures out there. no cliffs around here. no hoverbikes, either. there is a level of freedom here, in that they are allowed to roam the compound as they please – more so now, with it seemingly abandoned – but the activities are set for the most part, as well as the ever daunting knowledge that autonomy is a privilege that comes and goes. he tries not to dwell on it. thinking too deeply about this, any of this, including their current positions of sitting inside a solitary cell that keith’s meant to occupy, will only ruin the pocket of peace they’ve managed to create for each other.
so he forks some more and laughs with his next breath. ]
It’s your fault, anyway. [ he’s looking to the cup again, repeating motions. ] Just… it’s you. It’s easy to find enjoyment in moments spent with you.
[ ready for another mouthful, keith? because here it is. that alone dwarfs the sentimental moment, but shiro takes it a step further by curtailing the sweetness of his voice and twisting it sing-songy with suggestion. ]
So if you’d like to help me with that crossword sometime…
[ the retaliatory pinch earns shiro a wrinkling of keith's nose, though even that half hearted gesture of protest is fleeting. how could it not be when his best friend is being a cheesy dork about spending time together? sure, there's a morbid element to it these days, but that's been a factor for years, hasn't it? they days when they could simply sneak out of the garrison compound and ride off into the arizona dessert without a care in the world are bygone days, their friendship now more recently characterized as moments of reprieve between battles and diplomatic meetings.
it's messed up beyond reason to think that pron prison of all places is somehow arguably a break from a grueling war when it's been an endless assault imposition on their freedoms, but here they are. undeterred by the pinching, keith brushes his palm up shiro's thigh and gives that a gentle squeezing as well. wondering if they'll ever manage to exist together when there isn't some fuckery going on threatens to be bittersweet though, so keith instead focuses on the here and now, and the next bite being offered to him.
of course, if shiro wants to paint a nice picture of himself in a rocker with a crossword puzzle in his lap, keith is going to huff a little before accepting his bite. ]
Maybe if I get a reward for helping. [ chew, chew, chew, frown, chew, swallow. ] I miiiight be convinced if I get a reward that's four letters ending in s.
[ so he has to pay off his sort of, not quite boyfriend to indulge his old-timer fondness for crossword puzzles. what is the world coming to? shiro grins to himself, chin tucked in close and face angled to the cup. swirling the contents, he chuckles through one full twist of the fork but ultimately, doesn’t gather any noodles. instead, he places the cup on the ground. ]
Oh?
[ it’s easy enough to guess, but even easier – and more tempting – to pretend he hasn’t a clue. one, two, he taps his fingers to the rim of the cup and then brings his hands toward his body, resting one on his knee, while the other covers keith’s at his thigh. ]
Let’s see… – cars? [ he knows how fond keith is of cars; fond enough to steal one from shiro once upon a time. the memory pulls a laugh out of him, as well as a fond smile. ] Dogs? [ the space wolf perks at that, both ears flicking and head lifting from the comfortable lounging he’d be doing, cuddled up close to keith’s side. ] Nah, you’ve already got one.
[ the comment is met with a snouty huff. dog. right. the correct terminology is space wolf. does shiro backtrack though? nah. he’s already moving onto – ]
Lips? [ his own spread, gaze drooping to pointedly stare at keith’s. ] Kiss?
[ bingo, right? maybe. probably. but shiro doesn’t let it stand. he squeezes keith’s hand to stave off a response and then he’s sitting up straighter, flexing the line of his shoulders. ]
Oh wait, I know it. Pecs. [ that not so subtle flex? widens the set of his shoulders and broadens the width of his chest, making his pectorals stand out. a little cocky, a little playful, and a lot delighted to peacock for his not boyfriend. ] Is my set a nice enough reward?
[ oh, huh. and here keith thought he'd been pretty lacking in subtlety.
....which is to say , someone misses the cue that his is all pageantry on shiro's part, and is very genuinely spellbound by the show. keith raises an eyebrow, and after propping his elbow up on his knee, rests his chin on his palm with an expectant smile. honestly, it's something to watch shiro's imagination in action. who knew there are so many great four letter words ending in s that keith really appreciates?
he's already grinning wide, not even bothering to be coy about mhis delight by the time shiro gets to guess number three, snouty indignant huff be damned. not that keith can really blame the space wolf for the grump, considering his exposure to earth dogs has been limited to a sample size of one. he absentmindedly gives the wolf a reassuring snout scratch, but his focus stays with shiro.
the pointed staring at his mouth does funny flip-floppy things to his stomach, but before he can shy nod to kiss, shiro's barreled straight ahead to pecs. hhis expression briefly goes wide eyed in his surprise but then of course he's looking at the goods presented. [
I....
[ fuck. there's a lot to like about shiro. it's strange actually being able to look and appreciate for once, rather than crushing inappropriate thoughts before they can get out of hand. what's kind of embarrassing is how obvious he must have been about looking and touching if shiro's noticed. flushing very slightly, keith manages a tiny defiant laugh like he hasn't, in fact, been accurately called out and tries for a very nonchalant: ]
[ the cell is cramped. it’s boxed in with a length to width distance of, maybe, five, six feet. by the looks of it, there isn’t enough distance for keith, with his long, long legs, to comfortably lie down. their location leaves much to be desired, though that’s precisely why shiro doesn’t balk at the suggestion to strip. it’s such a ridiculous thing to suggestion given the circumstances, which downplays the act itself. not that shiro has a problem with pulling off his shirt in front of keith; not anymore, at least. they’ve been to the bathhouse, they’ve been to the beach, they’ve been sleeping together and occasionally changing in front of each other; showing scarred skin and the meeting junction of metal to flesh doesn’t carry the same weight that it used to.
so shiro keeps right on in that playful vein of conversation and grasps the hem of his shirt. it’s plain in make and color, the loose, black tee e a cheap purchase he picked up from the prisoner run market. he may have lived in the same outfit while on the castleship, but shiro is doing his best to avoid that here. ]
Ah. Gotta make sure the goods are worth it… – how very prudent of you.
[ nonetheless, even with repetition and knowledge, there’s always going to be a small, very small twinge of anxiety that comes with pulling his shirt up and off, while eyes are on him. he does it smoothly enough; no obvious pauses or hesitations. he even keeps his smile all the way through, though it softens for a beat of shyness as he drops his shirt on the ground to his right. he pulls in a breath and sets his shoulders again, gaze finding keith’s…
and here he goes.
one flex, two flex, three flex. the first has his right pec jumping higher for one beat. the second follows the same movement, but this time with the left. for the third flex, he has both pecs moving together, distinctly bouncing. he doesn’t keep it up after that, but he could. for now, however, he sits there expectant and eager, grin spreading wide. ]
you say this like most of our threads arent stupid
[ it's precisely because the situation doesn't call for stripping that keith is not adequately prepared for this. actually -- forget adequately. not one iota of keith had sincerely expected any level of indulgency and that much is very plain by the dumbfounded oh of his face when shiro takes off the shirt. it's hardly the first time keith has seen shiro without a shirt on, and all things considered this is still far more dressed than he's previously seen his best friend who he's going steady with. kinda. sorta. maybe. possibly. whatever that means.
keith might have recoevered if that were the end of it. true, there are a lot of vicious scars that criss cross his best friend's skin, but the figure he cuts is so striking all the same that keith can't help the fluttering lurch in his chest every time he's lucky enough to see.
but noooooo. shiro isn't content with just presenting an unobscure view, he has to put on a fucking show. the first jump of his pec actually makes keith half squawk in his surprise, eyes going owlishly round as he stares in sheer disbelief at what he's seeing. another bounce makes it clear that it wasn't some random muscle spasm or a fluke. ]
Woah...
[ a little spell bound, the word slips out of him unconsciously. the wolf looks up then as well, head swiveling from keith to shiro to figure out what the hubbub is about. the wolf doesn't seem to get it at all. shiro flexes for the last time, making the wolf flinch back, like he's expecting some kind of chest burster. keith , on the other hand, is riveted and simulataneously bombarded with a sudden tsunami of questions. questions like when the fuck shiro learned how to do this and why.
he blinks, slow to take his eyes off shiro's chest long after the flexing is over until a strange clarity hits him upside the head. he doesn't care. he doesn't care why shiro decided he was going to master this because the image of shiro practicing in the shower or in his cube while nobody is looking is the most endeared he's felt in a while. chest expanding in a sudden rush of affection, the pressure has nowhere to go but out in a delighted leaugh. ]
Shiro, that's -- pffff
[ he never finishes what that is. he hangs his head in helpless laughter that shakes his whole body, free hand coming up to half heartedly hide one rose flushed cheek. the wolf seems just as taken aback by keith's outpouring of happiness, giving each boy a confused headtilt stare before wagging his tail to show puzzled solidarity. keith meanwhile struggles to catch his breath, wiping at his eyes as he gasps: ]
How are you the most precious dork in the universe?
[ patience yields focus can account for some of this skill’s development. there is no grand story behind it, really; just a younger shiro, who spent a good portion of his day cycling through weight training sets, all with the disease of his body in mind. he hadn’t been big at galaxy garrison, not like a year spent in the gladiator pits and alien experimentation rendered him as, but he’d had decent hypertrophy to his muscles, enough to give him something to work with. and boy, did he work with it. hot on the idea of mastering his deteriorating body and taking it to its full potential, shiro set goals for himself: certain weights to hit for lifts, mostly, but control of his muscles came in another way too. learning how to flex his pecs, to jar the muscles and move them freely had been a silly, yet challenging task. it took him awhile, but inevitably…
adam hadn’t laughed anything like this.
shiro’s grin spreads even wider, the stretch pulling so incessantly that his cheeks ache with it. it’s fine though. it’s good, because right here, right now, for a few very precious moments, everything is right in this fucked up world. is it too cheesy to say keith’s laughter is rejuvenating? fine, shiro won’t say it. he feels it, though. it flutters shiro’s chest with happy, giddy feeling and has him squirming, just a little, in his seat from the onslaught of pride he feels for causing this. this is worth everything: keith carefree and unapologetic in his delight, if only temporary. it’s a good look, one that shiro wishes his best friend kept to far more often.
distance quickly becomes the enemy. shiro huffs and leans forward, one hand bracing to the floor and the other reaching for keith. ]
Me? No. That’s you.
[ he grasps keith’s thigh and pulls, trying to drag keith by the leg closer. it’s a movement that’s only going to happen if keith helps by scooting along. either way, shiro keeps leaning in, already well into keith’s space. ]
You’re the one giggling over dancing pecs. [ adorably goes unsaid. ] And the one who’s so charmed that you’re going to kiss the extremely talented guy with the…
[ the space wolf is growling. it starts suddenly, with the wolf’s ears flattening back. shiro stops short and loses all traces of mirth to instead, shoot the wolf an exasperated look, voice annoyed. ]
Come on. [ the wolf isn’t looking at him though. for a creature who is voicing his disdain for shiro making a move on his favorite person, the wolf is very interested in the wall opposite the door. ] Do you really have a problem with… – huh?
[ there’s movement out of the corner of his eye and then he’s matching the wolf’s stare to the other wall where something simply materializes through it. something, no – someone? she doesn’t look right. she doesn’t feel right. ]
Keith.
[ the wolf is already on that side, up now and sufficiently blocking keith from this new, unwanted presence. shiro lets go of keith’s leg but he’s pushing him to move, to get up and get to the door, to at the very least, put some distance between them all. probably the best course of actin to take, considering the greeting ends up being an ominous: ]
[ it doesn't matter how many times keith's experienced the disorienting whiplash of extremes, each time is jarring and having all levity sucked from the atmosphere takes the air in his lungs with it. keith chokes on the embers of his laughter, eyes round as he looks from his growling wolf to the ghost materializing through the cinderblock wall.
nothing about her is recognizable. the corpse in the trunk had been badly decayed, and any semblance of a face had long been mummified. this ... thing could be that body, it could be fucking anything else for all keith knows, but when it speaks, she speaks with a voice like nails splintering on a chalkboard. keith flinches back, hand reaching for a knife and a bayard that aren't there. panic sets in a moment later when she surveys the three of them with empty sockets and speaks: ]
ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴍɪɴᴇ, ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜɪᴇғ. ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ.
[ eyes widening in alarm, keith doesn't even bother trying to piece out what it is she's even talking about. the paper? the trinket? the container? all three? right now, that's not a mystery that's important to him. right now, what's important is grabbing hold of shiro's shirt and tugging insistently to keep his best friend from getting any closer to the threat. ]
I don't know what you're talking about!
[ the wolf growls, baring pointy teeth in warning. the ghost shrieks, flailing rotting arms wildly as she pitches forward. ]
[ so this is the something from the lighthouse? it’s the logical conclusion in an illogical situation and with there being little to no time to process the threat before adrenaline kicks in, shiro takes to that jump easily enough. little thief only bolsters the idea, not that having an idea of what is unfolding before them gives shiro any idea on how to handle it. it’s a mess of conflicting actons. keith pulls at him but shiro isn’t cooperating, because he’s busy pushing at keith and together, they’re hindering each other more so than they’re aiding. ]
Keith.
[ again, imploring keith to move and to get behind him, as well as to safety, shiro knocks that hand away to push keith harder. the space wolf is holding the front line and shiro won’t fight him for it, but he does fight keith to get into the next line of defense. he scrambles on his knees, still so vulnerable. he turns though and upon facing the spirit, monster, whatever this cursed thing is, fluorescent purple lights up the lines of his arm. ]
He doesn’t have it!
[ right keith…? it’s only then that shiro realizes keith never said who wound up with the trinket or the paper. something to ponder later when there isn’t a threat screeching and pitching forward.
will his arm work on her? how can he possibly brawl with something that can materialize through solid objects? doubt fuels the panic. as long as he can distract her long enough for keith to gain some distance, if he would simply cooperate…
the space wolf kicks a hind leg back, knocking into shiro. that growling face looks back at him, but shiro’s gaze is immediately pulled to the creature coming forward and coming fast, limbs frantic and face twisted up with a fury that demands violence. breath catches and shiro tries to say keith’s name again, feeling him at his back where shiro is still trying to push him with his other hand.
and then zap. everything changes.
this is how he winds up staring at the wall of his own cube. he only knows it’s his cube once he turns his head, seeing the familiar bed and the little stacks of ramen boxes on the counter. ]
Oh.
[ he looks behind him and there’s keith. or more so, there’s the space wolf, bullying keith by sheer weight to push him down on the ground and lick his face in a show of relief and affection. shiro feels it too; relief. but it’s soured with the knowledge that this is only a temporary fix. he swallows down that unease, trying to keep his voice clear of it. ]
Good thinking. That’ll buy us some time.
[ … hmph. here shiro is, on the rare occasion of complimenting the space wolf, and the space wolf can’t be bothered to acknowledge him. he simply keeps nuzzling keith’s face. guess shiro can't blame him. ]
[ they've dealt with worse than screeching ghosts, but that doesn't answer the question of how to actually make it stop. or no -- there is one way, and that'd involve getting the trinket or whatever it is back to the ghost. the question is -- why does it want that? why did it even take the ghost this long to figure out that it was missing? why now?
it doesn't matter. at least not right now. both the wolf and shiro are standing in front of him and all keith can think is that it's his fault that they're in any danger right now. that he borught this upon the two of them. teeth grit, he doesn't get any further in the plan to try and push shiro out of the way because there's a white flash. next thing he knows, he's on his back with two heavy paws pressing on his chest and a tongue spreading slobber across his chin and neck. the disorientation isn't helped in the slightest by the fact that his view of the ceiling gives him no real indication of where the fuck the wolf teleported him.
or wait-- ]
Shiro!
[ he starts, trying to nudge the wolf's snout away to sit up. the wolf huffs as if to say keith pls. it's a rather unnecessary bit of chiding if only because shiro speaks in the following beat and keith finally gets a more useful view of their bed. only then does keith actually relax a bit, throwing an arm around the wolf to lean against his side. ]
Thanks.
[ the word is murmured against the wolf's fur, relief plainly audible though he isn't optimistic enough to think the danger has actually passed. the feeling that something is out looking for him isn't just a feeling anymore, but some dangerous monster intent on chasing keith down. meaning .... of course, that lance and angel are likely in trouble as well? and as long as he sticks close to shiro and the wolf that those two will be in danger too?
keith glances up, expression exhausted as he calls out to shiro. ]
I... I shouldn't stay here. If that thing is gonna follow me, I can't put you at risk.
[ it probably says something about shiro as leader that in all this time, he hasn’t thought much at all about lance ( or angel for that matter ). even his attempted diversion by telling that cursed being that keith doesn’t have what she’s looking for, carries an implied look elsewhere. meaning? lance or angel. it’s not that shiro doesn’t care. it’s that he plays favorites. it’s unbecoming of a leader, he supposes, but realistic in nature. it’s an impossibility to remain impartial; to remain completely detached from one’s own feelings. shiro tries, of course. he wants to even the playing field and be there in equal amounts to everyone on the team. but the ugly truth of the matter, is that if it comes down to it, keith will always edge out the others.
when was the last time he checked in on lance, pidge, hunk anyway? they certainly don’t operate as a team here. perhaps they aren’t shiro’s responsibility any longer.
there on the floor, shiro watches the space wolf fawn over his sole responsibility and feels oddly inadequate in the moment. he’s failing a lot of people right now, isn’t he? refusing to sit there and wallow in his own shortcomings, shiro pushes himself to his feet instead. shirt or tablet first? the fact that he’s still thinking to delay, even a few seconds, from sending lance a text is another mark against him.
tablet there on the counter, shiro stops before it and starts tapping away with metal fingers. hopefully lance isn’t also suffering from an inability to touch without suffering a burn. ]
And I can’t be expected to sit by while this thing hunts you down.
[ the retort comes easy. shiro doesn’t even look up. text sent, one asking a generalized status report, shiro looks over to keith then, mouth half-tilted and worn. ]
You know I’ll never agree to that, best save your breath.
Edited (best say your breath, keith...) 2022-10-10 02:09 (UTC)
[ there's nothing even remotely surprising about that answer. shiro wouldn't be shiro if he could ever be content to sit back while others are in danger, but... ]
That thing is after me.
[ can keith be said to be keith if he were content to be the one putting others at risk? ]
There's no reason for you to be dragged into this mess, too. Shiro, if you got hurt, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself, you know?
[ it's an argument that's likely going to fall on deaf ears. as much as keith loves shiro, sometimes arguing with him can be like arguing with a brick wall. giving the wold a gentle pat, keith spares him an apologetic look before brushing him aside to walk the short distance to where shiro is standing. hesitant but determined, keith touches his arm gripping it tight. ]
[ no, the argument isn’t falling on deaf ears. shiro’s listening and he’s turning more fully, his attention with the tablet waning. it’s just – the argument is too easy to pick apart. he’s already in this mess. shiro wouldn’t have it any other way, either. not that he doesn’t understand where keith is coming from. the concern is right in line with shiro’s: if something were to happen to keith, from this ghost or otherwise, shiro would carry that guilt forever. in some part, it has to do with his station as leader, but mostly, it has everything to do with keith being just about the most important aspect in shiro’s life.
keith’s been part of his life for years, even in the gaps that have kept them apart. shiro doesn’t know how he’d be able to function if that stable fixture was ripped away.
so is shiro being more selfless or more selfish in refusing to go? is he doing this more for keith or more for himself? afterall, the more self-preserving option is not, in fact, the one that has shiro running off to safety. ]
Well, I’m not going to let anything hurt you, either. [ he’s certain he’s said more or less the same vow before, but a little reiteration never hurt anyone. he smiles a little more fully, briefly alight with playful vibes. ] Can’t leave now and be a liar.
[ see what he did there? he sobers soon enough, the stretch of his smile once again wearing thin. still, he lets keith clutch at his arm as tight as he likes as he turns more into him, other hand coming around to cup, lightly, at the small of keith’s back. ]
Your problems are my problems, Keith. So I'm gonna be here for you, no matter the risks. We’re in this together, as always.
[ this isn't an argument. barely even a debate, really. shiro was right about saying saving his breath because the discussion's over before it's begun. just ... how is keith supposed to argue against this? they're just going to go in circles about who's more important and in the endd keith supposes it's kinda funny that they'd do this, but that doesn't extinguish his stubbornness. at least, not yet.
he catches the smile on shiro's face and actually does a double take. shiro smiling isn't a rare sight or anything, but the fact that he's able to do so now, like this whole mess isn't a big deal just throws keith off enough that he forgets the script. instead he stares for a beat too long, expression longing before he finally gets it together enough to bump his forehead to shiro's pec.
fuck. maybe this whole situation really is stupid if they''re dodging ghosts with one shirt on between them. ]
Shiro.....
[ the name is whined, but that's it. that's the end of keith's resistance. he doesn't want to argue, he wants to keep shiro safe. not just shiro -- but the wolf, and nlance and angel and --
keith sighs, huffing a deep breath with his face still partly buried. ]
[ and back into his tiddy he goes. truthfully, shiro’s relieved. he’d been fairly confident he’d be on the winning side of the debate, but keith is and will forever be a wildcard; as well as he knows him, shiro can never fully predict how keith will react when he’s outmaneuvered. here, it goes as smoothly as he could hope for. so he stands there and is silent through the whining of his name. he continues to do little with the arm being held hostage by keith but he does curl his other more securely around, holding him in something closer to a hug.
and then the moment isn’t as smooth.
shiro supposes he finds it funny, in that exasperated, how-is-this-happening sort of way. they’ve circled back to this topic a few times now, each discussion never leading to anything concrete. their relationship continues to be this ambiguous, unspoken thing. it’s largely shiro’s fault, he realizes that. keith is young and inexperienced, and while that isn’t necessarily an excuse for being incapable of putting a label on what they’re doing here, in comparison to shiro, who has enough experience with relationships and commitments to have gotten engaged, it’s fair to cut keith some slack.
honestly, shiro can hardly articulate what the problem is at this point. he likes keith and keith likes him, that’s as plain as daylight. the desire is there; it’s so potent just from them kissing that sometimes shiro has to steal off to relieve his needs elsewhere, with someone who is not keith.
yeah. not keith…
don’t get sidetracked. he abandons that uneasy trail of thought before he can get lost in it, again. he just… can’t seem to catch traction with keith, even though he wants to. perhaps it’s because he’s over-thought and agonized and built up the pressure in his head, to the point that he doesn’t know how to ease beyond light touches. the timing has to be right. yeah? at this rate, it’s never going to be.
he sighs, taking comfort in not having the whole of keith’s attention on his face as he glances off to the side. ]
I thought so, too.
[ he pauses, weighing the words in his mind. it was easier thinking that, like only kinda being involved would protect their friendship. naïve, foolish thinking. he knows better than that. glancing down at keith then, shiro rubs at his back and gives a small, encouraging smile, a hint of nervousness in it. ]
But I’m finding it’s difficult to do anything in half-measures when it comes to you.
[ drawn in by the hug, keith turns his face, scarred cheek pressed to shiro's chest. it's the wrong side to be listening for a heart beat, but he stays quiet through one, then two cycles of breath, allowing himself to relax. not that relaxation is deserved; for all he knows the ghost monster can materialize through the walls of shiro's cube at any moment. then they'll have to teleport out with the wolf, rinse and repeat until ... what?
they give her what she wants?
kinda being with him just sounds like a massive headache, though keith doesn't breathe life into that. instead, he slowly brings his arm up to wrap around shiro's waist. already in a self chastising mood, keith misinterprets.
...Sorry. I really don't mean to drag you or anyone else into messes like this. Together kinda together or not at all.
[ … they’re talking about two different things. embarrassment comes with the realization, because wow, shiro’s thinking about the status of their relationship while keith is talking about a vengeful ghost and how he shouldn’t be made to be kind of involved. though, keith said kind of together; he had to have been referencing their last conversation on their dating situation, right? kind of together as a team, when a threat is involved doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. when have they ever been anything less than all in for each other’s safety?
gah. he’s going about this wrong. he’s wasting energy trying to figure out how they got here, rather than figuring out how to get them past this.
the easy option is to forget before and pick up here, to go right along with the ghost situation. prudent, too, seeing as that’s the immediate threat. but shiro had just been exasperated and weary over circling back to this same conversation; if he doesn’t want to revisit it again, at least not in this same uncertain, murky way of theirs, maybe they should spend the few minutes to tidy it up. ]
That’s not what I meant.
[ hand pausing at keith’s mid-back, shiro stares down, eyeing the sprouted hair at the crown of keith’s head. ]
I meant it’s hard being kinda together with you because I’d rather be together-together with you.
[ keith looks up before he's ready with a response. visibly caught off guard, he blinks, expression owlish for the three beats it takes for his brain to catch up with the current of conversation. ]
Together-together ... as in ...
[ boyfriend. the word keith is looking for is boyfriend, but breathing life into the concept comes with the incredible risk of falling flat on his face if he's misinterpreted. keith isn't sure how else he ought to be taking shiro's words, but if there's one thing keith's learned never to underestimate, it's his debatable social skill.
another beat, and keith is glad he kept his mouth shut. how does one even manage being boyfirneds in a place like this? what would that even mean or look like? and would shiro really want him as a boyfriend if he knew about the many trysts he's had with anon? the note he's still holding onto from that night with the words you mean a lot to me written on them?
boyfriends means a lot of things -- keith would assume monogamy is built into that. of course, polyamory and all that exist, but it's... yet another thing keith had never quite envisioned for himself, despite actively living that messed up reality. uncertain of how to feel, and unable to answer why he hasn't thrown that note away, keith convinces himself boyfriend isn't what shiro's getting at.
what it could be is the other thing that porn prison puts front and center in their daily lives keith's face warms as he subtly ducks eye contact to look at the wall. together-together is a real convoluted euphemism for sex to start with, but would shiro really even be suggesting that now?]
I'm... lost. I think I'm doing that whole more-deeper thing again.
[ keith’s going to make him do it, isn’t he? explain it. shiro pulls his hand free and then he’s got it to his face, eyes closed as he knocks his face down into the cupping of his hand. thumb to one temple, fingers to the other, he massages the tension, groaning pitifully. ]
Yeah. Sorry. This is a really bad time to bring this up.
[ he doesn’t come up. he’s still got his eyes closed, part hiding into his hand. ]
I thought you were bringing it up but – I guess not? [ stop shoving the blame onto keith; it isn’t his fault shiro heard what he heard and jumped right into it.
and he doesn’t know why his brain immediately went there. maybe it’s the whole thing with the ghost. that keith is in danger and still thinking he should go at it alone, like shiro wouldn’t be completely devastated if something were to happen to him. same with the punishment of solitary confinement. yes, the tablet burned and maybe there wasn’t any time to send him a message anyway, but the point remains that, sometimes, shiro feels like he’s only kind of privy to what’s going on in keith’s life. and he’d like to change that. to be more involved and more aware, to better take care of him.
not that they need to be boyfriends for that to happen, but it’s a course of action that, oddly, makes sense to shiro, despite their surroundings. they’re fighting inevitability here. shiro likes keith and keith likes shiro; more than that, they desire each other, don’t they? yes, he thinks with certainty. it got muddled along the way due, largely, to shiro, and now, he’d like to correct that, so that they can lean into each other more fully. ]
Just…
[ he draws a breath and releases it on a sigh, one that punctuates the dropping of his hand and the opening of his eyes. he looks down at him then, cupping behind his shoulder. ]
I don’t want to kind of be together or sort of go steady. My feelings for you are a lot more… all in than that.
[ keith is instantly sorry for the amount of exasperation shiro must be feeling. he manages to hold his tongue, but the twinge of guilt burns as shiro rubs at his temple. he's not good at this. who'd have thought pushing everyone away and then having his young adult life uprooted by a space war would have some negative consequences for his ability to talk relationships and feelings and --
keith sighs, trying to expel the combination of defensiveness and self reproach before either can take root. right now, all he has to do is listen to shiro and wait for clarity. he's lucky, he supposes, in that shiro is patient and doesn't just brush this whole thing off with a 'whatever' and get right back to business and talk ghost busting.
still, it makes keith blink and take a half step back to try and get a clearer look at shiro''s face. so then, this is about boyfriends? keith tries not to stare, but he's about three seconds too late for that resolve to mean much of anything. ]
Wow. You uh... really weren't kidding about the bad timing.
[ the words start out fazed, ending on a sheepish laugh. fuck -- what even is his own reaction? his head feels strangely empty and as if to compensate his chest feels full. he wants to enjoy this, but in the back of his mind he keeps thinking about anon and that affection laden note and doesn't know if he ought to be feeling guilty or ashamed or what.
perhaps nothing at all because he doesn't necessarily want anon the way he wants to be around shiro, but it still feels disqualifying to be keeping a tiny part of anon locked away in his cube. glancing down at his feet, keith worries at his lower lip briefly. ]
I... you already know that you mean more to me than I know how to say.
[ but? is there a but? keith looks up, with a worn smile. ]
[ yeah, what is that reaction? keith agreeing with him in this case isn’t a bad thing necessarily. expected, if shiro’s honest. keith doesn’t have much of a filter, shiro knows that, and that shoddy editing system is often made worse when the boy is caught by surprise. so really, shiro brought this upon himself. it’s his fault keith blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, rather than taking an extra moment to empathize and piece together something nice and tidy to preserve shiro’s self-confidence. stop it, he tells himself; that was petty, wasn’t it?
guilt dots at his mood, adding to the agitation of him not being able to anticipate where this is going. the movement back, as well as the amount of time it’s taking for keith to look the tiniest bit happy should be answer enough for him: keith isn’t all in. it’s a foreign realization. maybe he’s taken keith for granted. his loyalty is steadfast and his favor intense; it’s not arrogant of shiro to recognize that he’s been a focal point of keith’s for years. he just thought… – since everything has been progressing so well between them in the quiet, intimate moments they manage to find in this place, that they could try for a little more.
but keith’s biting at his lip and looking down, and again, shiro wonders if that’s meant to be his answer. keith started out wanting everything in the beginning, but now he – doesn’t? hesitated too long. shiro exhales slowly through his nose, shoulders drooping bit by bit until his lungs are nearly empty. it’s a reset on his outlook; when he inhales, he pushes away the sore, disappointed feelings, and reminds himself that keith is the most important person to him. his friendship, above all else, is what needs to be kept safe between them. he’s not going to make this harder than it needs to be.
it helps, at least, that keith throws him a bone by reminding him that he means a lot to him. then why not? why not more? because of where they are? because keith’s found more comfort with someone else? stop it, he tells himself again, and musters up a small smile that does very little to brighten his expression. he drops his hands from keith, giving up the hug and the caress at his shoulder, only to resume contact by taking his hand with his left. he holds his fingers gently, thumb skirting across his knuckles. ]
[ is there a but coming? spun straight back to that question he'd been asking himself, keith glances down at their joint hands, twisting his wrist to interlace their fingers and squeeze. an already stupid question manages to sound even stupider said in shiro's voice.
of course there's no "but." as much as keith tries to keep some information withheld from shiro on account of shiro's well being, affection isn't something he needs to ration and be careful with. not with shiro. if anything, it's his feelings about anonymous that needs to be kept under tighter wraps and closer scrutiny. or perhaps cut off entirely?
you mean a lot to me.
why is he so hung up on what might've just been a throwaway line meant to get him to relax and spread his legs? because it came with a fucking dorky smiley? why is he even thinking about this when anon's feelings towards him are completely unrelated to this moment where he should be happy that shiro is telling him that he cares? keith looks up then, throat tight and shakes his head. ]
There isn't one. [ he manages a huffed almost self-deprecating laugh and smiles. ] I guess...I don't know what I'm doing. I'm nervous? I've never been together-together with anyone and I dunno if I'll be any good at it .. you know. Here.
[ not the cell, but porn prison as a whole. keith gestures vaguely around them just to try and make that a bit clearer. ]
... and I guess I just thought you didn't want to. With me.
[ there isn’t any hesitation in putting his fingers between his and lacing them up tight; so that, at the very least, is encouraging. it helps settle the anxious feeling roiling his stomach. the dread isn’t so suffocating, either, like he isn’t about to be talked down from all his hopes and expectations. he’s been through that already. adam did that. with far less grace and humility than someone who had a ring really ought to have shown. he’d simply removed himself from shiro’s life, washing his hands clean of any empathy or remorse, because of course, his inability to care was shiro’s fault.
likening this to a broken engagement is embarrassing on his part; they aren’t exactly dating, so does this even qualify as being dumped? he’s saved from having to reflect deeper for some sort of label, because thankfully, there’s a denial and a smile, all of it quickly becoming clear.
oh.
hindsight is twenty-twenty and now that he’s on this side of it, shiro finds it quite remarkable that he didn’t jump to this instead. nervous. keith is scared of messing up. just as shiro's feared himself – still fears, honestly.
relief comes and he laughs, a little, on a puffed exhale as keith gestures around. it’s the worst place to have a relationship, shiro isn’t blind to that, but the thought of being nothing to keith, while other people become everything in comfort, in pleasure… well, navigating a relationship here seems like the lesser evil to his peace of mind. ]
I want you.
[ it’s surprisingly easy to say. it’s the aftermath that catches him; he goes awkward in the curve of his smile and then he’s looking down, giving their joined hands a little swing. ]
Have for awhile. [ he knocks his head to the side, still watching their hands. ] I’ve been trying to figure out how to transition into it, you know… smoothly. But I, uh… [ heh; he laughs in exasperated amusement. ] Well. I guess I’m not any good at this, either.
[ awhile. truthfully, it's difficult to reconcile that with the argument they had in which shiro offered to help then just as quickly retracted it. since then, the whole subject's felt like a field of mines that needed to be tiptoed around or avoided entirely,
obviously, judging from shiro's apparent struggling here, that isn't a perspective that's just in keith's head. it'd stung at first -- of course it did. thinking that shiro would rather be pursuing other guys like toji, but whatever sour feeling that'd left in his belly has receded over time. if anything, it'd actually been kinda nice to have a relationship here that wasn't defined by or built on sex.
so with that in mind, is keith really okay with letting that go?
is it selfish to say yes if that means not having to wake up in the middle of the night to find shiro has presumably snuck off to have a tryst? keith gives shiro's hand another squeeze before huffing and abandoning the uncharitable thought. there's enough here to unpack already without adding hypocrisy to the mix. ]
But you're good at everything.
[ teasing delivered with the lightest of fist bumps to shiro's chest, keith smiles. sure. his tone is facetious but the underlying sentiment isn't. shiro's an inspiration in just about every aspect. ]
[ no he’s not, he’s really not. shiro knows all his shortcomings well. there used to be a time when shiro would preen at the praise; back when his record was golden and he had the hubris of a youth unburdened by anything beyond his own time clock. now, however, it’s difficult to find delight in something he knows to be false. arguing the point would accomplish nothing, though. perhaps, he might feel satisfied saying the denial, but that two second high would wilt and curdle. he doesn’t want to make keith feel foolish. so he doesn’t. he lets the teasing stand, merely quirking a small, lopsided smile in answer.
it still feels as though keith’s heart isn’t in this. like he’s trying to wind them around the topic, without ever saying yes to it. shiro doesn’t know how to feel about that. keith is welcome to say no; it’ll sting, yes, but it’s a far better option than keith committing to something he isn’t happy for. still, it’s difficult to reconcile that. what shiro said is true: he’s not any good at this sort of thing. but he thought… – he’s been certain that keith has been of similar feeling. it’s strange to come to terms with the idea that shiro may be far more attached than keith is. ]
We can figure out how to be better at this together.
[ he hates that he’s coming off as pleading, perhaps not in voice but in the words themselves, like he’s having to convince keith to give this, to give him a chance. it’s only made more embarrassing by the fact that they have an audience. shiro doesn’t glance his way, but he’s certain the space wolf is watching, fascinated, by shiro’s crashing and burning.
he looks up, instead, drawing his gaze from the floor to look keith in the eyes. ]
For the record, I’m nervous, too. You mean a lot to me.
[ some days, when he slips in thought and goes heartsick, he thinks less in terms of a lot and moves right onto everything. there isn’t a whole lot that is stable and secure in shiro’s life. keith’s a rock, though. he keeps shiro focused and confident in who he is and where he’s meant to be going in his every day, whether here or back with voltron. it’s a dependency, one that shiro isn’t necessarily proud of or comfortable having… but all the same, it’s there.
which begs the question: is attaching himself further to keith healthy? is it fair to keith? he squeezes at keith’s hand, not wanting to acknowledge his selfishness in this. ]
And yeah, I get it. This is a terrible place to try this, but… [ he licks his lips, considering; brow furrowing. ] I’m not going to let shitty circumstances dictate how I should feel about you.
[ a beat for a steadying breath. ]
I want you. [ it feels necessary to reiterate that. ] I want you so much sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. So… [ and he wavers, because was that too much? way too much honesty? ah well, no turning back now. ] I wanna call you my boyfriend, if you want that, too.
[ dos he really? the question begs to be asked, but hearing shiro use the term boyfriend is thought terminating. keith blinks. it shouldn't be surprising, except it kind of is because they've been avoiding using specific labels to define their relationship. boyfriend is a hell of a lot less ambiguous than "kinda together" and hearing it said in shiro's voice makes his heart skip beats.
going doe eyed in the moment, keith stares and clutches shiro's hand just a pinch tighter. i want you so much sometimes i don't know what to do with myself is an obvious exaggeration, right? and yet weirdly enough it sheds new light onto that night keith woke up alone, abandoned a sad little search for shiro to fuck anon, came back to the cube feeling guilty only to find shiro's side of the bed still empty. he'd assumed then, that shiro must've decided to be with another lover for a while, and when the thought made keith feel one too many sour feelings, abandoned the thought entirely.
c'est la vie in porn prison. the hell is the point of his jealous hypocrisy when they could both just find slices of fulfillment with other people? it's impossible to be anyone's everything, so the disappointment makes little sense. it's just ... that for so long, shiro realy had been keith's everything and regardless of how stupid of an enedavor it might be, keith thought maybe he could be that for shiro too.
coming to terms with the reality of their situation and their kinda-relationnship has been confusing and difficult, but keith had honestly found some sort of twisted in pride in being a big enough person that in the process of learning to deal, their friendship hadn't soured one bit.
but perhaps none of that had been wholly necessary. ]
You .. really want that?
[ ....and fuck. keith hadn't actually meant to ask shiro to repeat himself. heart hammering, keith ignores the way his face warms with embarrassment. the damage is done though, his hopefulness hung bright on his sleeve for shiro to see. ]
I mean -- I'd like that. [ a lot? keith considers tacking that on, but worried about over explaining himself, he instead clears his throat. ] I just seriously thought ... you wanted to be with other people only for ... y'know. Sentences.
[ it still takes time for keith to agree. the first thing he manages to say isn’t even that, though the answer is clear in the earnestness of his voice. shiro breathes out his relief, still a touch anxious from laying everything out to be picked apart and analyzed, but the more time passes, the easier it is to focus on keith’s face and every hint of hopefulness in his expression. shiro quirks a smile, one that pulls harder to one side, and then he gives their joined hands another, little shake, swinging them almost playfully. ]
That was the initial plan.
[ still… is…? somewhat. he doesn’t know. there are certain things on his sentence sheet that he’s uncertain he wants to expose keith to, at least in association with him. multiple penetration, dogging, paddling, leashes, prostitution… – they can probably figure out a way to get around some of those, but just the idea of bringing them up to keith, to then have to discuss how to make it work for them, seems almost more damaging than finding some random inmate for a night.
or anonymous.
how does anonymous factor into all of this? is he saying goodbye to anonymous now that he has keith? guilt plagues him in the way he hesitates on giving himself an answer. is it considered cheating if he occasionally meets with anonymous, even though they both know they can’t maintain exclusivity here? is it cheating if anonymous may very well be –
no. anonymous and keith are not one in the same.
pushing the thought off for now, shiro weakens the sway of their hands and ends with a brushing of his thumb across keith’s, smile softer, more apologetic. ]
I… [ already trailing off; he clears his throat, face ducking slightly. ] Frankly, I don’t know how this is going to work. I’m flying blind here, too. [ he wants it to work, though. they’ll figure it out and navigate the bumps, just as they always do. ] I just want you to know that I care about you and that… maybe, if you’re comfortable with it, we could mark off some sentences together, too.
[ a pause. he furrows his brow, hastily amending. ]
Or not even sentences. That makes it sound like an obligation. Which, with you, it’s not.
[ keith watches the casual swing of their hands with a helpless smile. so neither of them know how dating works when stuck in porn prison. that's... reassuring? the absurdity makes him stutter a laugh, though a beat later keith wrestles that pinch of levity into a more subdued smile,
granted, he still doesn't know what to think of the fact that shiro wants to do sentences together. at first, it'd been him insisting on it out of a greater perceived comfort, but time has paradoxically eorded keith's certainty on that front. the sex keith has had here has largely been coerced in some form, either by perceived necessity or by aphrodisiac. the times it's been purely voluntary, it's been with a guy he doesn't know. though keith doesn't think he would have chosen that for himself either, he's found comfort in not having his identity attached to his body or to his pleasure. it ought to be awkward and more vulnerable, but instead keith has found freedom in being able to explore without judgment.
he bites his lip, nervous and first buys himself time to think with: ]
Well, I guess it makes me feel better to think you don't have a whole contract written out for how you want things to work here.
[ he laughs, giving shiro's hand a swing and a squeeze. perhaps it's thinking about sentences explicitly that's giving keith pause? his sheet is, in a word, nasty and while he can readily imagine that it would be nice to explore each other as it happens, the prospect of negotiating any of the harder kinks still makes keith turn hesitant.
then again, maybe comfort is a luxury neither of them really can afford. they are, after all, meant to fighting a war. this time, keith sighs heavily, breath gently lifting his bangs. ]
I think.... I can trust you with anything on my sentence sheet, [ a breath. ] ...But I still don't know how to feel about half the stuff on it. I know that's selfish because going back to ojr realities is the top priority, but...
[ he trails off, not quite looking shiro in the eye. aside from the necessity of returning to the war, returning to their realities would mean saying goodby e to this shiro, wouldn't it? ignoring the sudden pang in his chest, keith swallows. ]
... I guess what I'm tying to say is that I care about you too, and I don't want that sheet to dictate anything between us.
[ starting with a joke is good. hearing keith’s laugh is reassuring. soothing, too, though it feels more embarrassing to admit that keith’s laugh acts as some sort of catharsis. he smiles to the sound of it, but otherwise keeps his tongue still, anticipating that that isn’t the end of it. so, he lets keith gather his thoughts, as well as his words, and ultimately, they’re set back on the course of a more sober tone.
strangely enough, shiro almost laughs now. shiro started off that way. it’s just sex. uncomfortable and awkward when coerced, but compared to the things they’ve seen or done due to the galra empire’s rule, they should have been able to check through their sentence sheets within, at the very least, a month. even a month, he thought, would be pushing it. afterall, getting back to continue the war was far more important than any of their individual comforts. but he didn’t push the team as he should have and he didn’t help them as he should have. and somewhere along the way, shiro got all tangled up inside his own hang-ups, now with four months under his belt, and a sentence sheet that’s not even half finished.
so maybe he takes it back. maybe he does want to specifically check off sentences with keith. he’ll have to check in with the other three, make sure they’re getting along too, because he refuses to leave until everyone goes before him but… getting close to the finish line with keith would be preferable. right?
he shifts closer, body swaying and foot gently knocking against keith’s. ] We can look over our sheets together, see what could work for us… [ he lets that hang for half a breath and then tacks on: ] – But after.
[ he lifts his metal hand and brushes keith’s bangs to the side, briefly opening up his face to, hopefully, encourage the boy to meet his eyes. ]
[ it works like a charm. keith does look up as shiro brushes the hair from his face, the crease of his brow clearing with a more open smile. there are still some unknowns here that keith isn't sure how to navigate beyond what has been discussed so far. his body being what it is for starters. while he doesn't expect shiro to be horrified exactly, it's still a part of himself that he hasn't shared with shiro yet.
on some level that feels... wrong because a few other inmates have dealt with keith in that capacity, but perhaps not having much choice in the matter had made that easier. so if sharing himself with anon, clear headed and as free of coercion as this place can get was the next step, then sharing himself with shiro because that's the next development in their relationship is probably a huge leap forward, huh? exciting and yet... kinda daunting, too.
the thought gets little traction. an impatient wolf comes trotting over to butt his face into keith's open palm with a whine. keith glances down with a soft laugh, automatically skritching behind his ears.]
Heh. Okay, sorry. I know, we're supposed to be figuring out what to do about the ghost situation so you know when it's okay to nap.
[ but he looks up again at shiro, expression moony as he squeezes his hand. ]
.. but that sounds good. I'd like that. Kinda wish it could always just be about us.
[ shiro doesn’t know what’s going on anymore. he woke up this morning in a prison, spent the early evening in a palace, and now he’s on the grounds of an amusement park…? he’d believe he’s dreaming, except even his dreams are never quite so bizarre. as luck would have it, the switch up in prison life happens to fall on what he’s guesstimated to be keith’s birthday. dates and time are a complicated mess here; being pulled from another reality, keith is on a different time table than this place is, so can it really be said he’s one year older today? probably not, but shiro doesn’t need much convincing when it comes to lavishing keith with attention and affection, not that his supposed birthday is the only reason to today.
another month spent, this time with a full embrace of calling each other boyfriend. it’s been good. it’s gone well. shiro’s affection for keith has only deepened and he’s confident enough to believe the same can be said about keith. meaning? they’re at the end of their pact. tonight they turn off their devices, hole themselves up in bed, banish the space wolf from the premises and finally see how well their chemistry translate into their bodies moving together.
that is… if they ever find their way back to shiro’s cube.
it’s an interesting dilemma. part of him wants to return to the familiar sights of the prison because returning means his cube, his bed, and keith in it, but the other part of him enjoys the change in pace, even if what they’re given is a somewhat run down park. dilapidated in some places and outright ominous in others, the stalls, the games, the rides shouldn’t be counted on. except, shiro and keith have already taken their chances with a few of the rides, the utter disarray of his wind-wiped floof a testament to the speedrun coaster they just finished.
currently, they’re taking a break from courting death and are at a game stall, dozens upon dozens of plushies hanging above their heads. ]
I’ll sink it in a red one, just for you.
[ a quick grin to keith and then shiro is staring ahead, brow furrowing as concentration intensifies. he’s got a bucket of ping pongs clutched in his left arm and he’s standing a good three feet from the countertop. the name of the game is ball and cup bounce. essentially, he has to land a ping pong into one of the many cups after a single bounce. sounds simple enough.
except his first ball bounces off a rim. his second falls in between the cups. his third lacks power and doesn’t even clear the counter. embarrassing. ]
… Instead of logging hours in the sim, I guess I should’ve been attending dorm parties and practicing my beer pong.
[ the passage of time has been strange for keith these last couple of years. between the space-time dilatations in the quantum abyss and spending the last few months in porn prison, he's honestly lost track of the time of year on earth. he could have pointed that out to shiro when his boyfriend (?!!!) declared they should celebrate his birthday, but honestly? the idea of just having something small to celebrate between the two of them is just... nice. there hasn't been much reason to find cheer either here or back in their own realities, and a single look at the playful waggle of shiro's eyebrows had been sufficient cause to shut up and embrace the mood.
besides. if they're meant to fulfill their pact tonight, maybe relaxing with a bit of fun beforehand isn't exactly the worst idea.
by all accounts going on a date with shiro at an amusement park is completely surreal, the reality of it increasingly made funnier and more jarring by the empty, haunted atmosphere. part of him keeps wanting to giggle at the absurdity, the other part of him a little too wary to laugh too loudly because porn prison has a habit of turning chaotic and horrifying in the blink of an eye.
hard not to grin though, when shiro says he's going to win keith a prize. he squeezes shiro's hand, then steps to the side to watch each disastrous throw. ]
Heh. Even if you had gone to those parties, wouldn't you have spent the whole time sulking about not being in the flight sim?
[ nudging shiro's side with his elbow, keith reaches for a ball of his own. ]
Besides. Aren't these crazy rigged? Bet this place has some stupid rule like they'll only go into the right cup if you do something dirty with the ball.
Edited 2022-10-26 07:55 (UTC)
he's so UNSURE also this is the shortest tag i've ever written who am i
[ keith knows him all too well. it’s a pleasing thought, though not one that shiro embraces with a smile. instead, he exaggerates a huff to the nudge and makes a face at the mere suggestion that he, takashi shirogane, would be the party pooper sulking in the corner. pouting about it now isn’t exactly helping his case though, huh?
catching that late, he makes up for it by relaxing his left shoulder, to tip the bucket toward keith’s hand. a lot of good that does him. he’s right back to scrunching up his brows, his nose, his mouth, a sour, forlorn sort of noise reverberating in the back of his throat. no. no. that can’t be the key to winning this game… right? he finds himself staring at the ping pong in keith’s hand, before he looks the one in his own, rolling it back and forth between fingers and thumb. ]
I like balls, but I’m not sucking on these, if that’s what you’re getting at.
[ it's strange. you'd figure after years of being friends and onths of coexistence in porn prison, casual banter about sex and shiro's preferences would be a little less jarring, but the reply still catches keith juuuust off guard enough that he goes from scandalized to laughter in the span of two beats.
maybe it's a nothing statement that a gay man should like balls and possibly sucking on them, but it rather stupidly makes keith go a little rosy around the cheeks before he quickly tosses the ball up with a spin and catch. ], I wasn't suggesting anything! Just pointing out how the world is?
[ though maybe the two are one and the same. keith's expression turns sheepish as he deigns a sudden interest in the ping pong ball in his hand. squinting at the rows adn rows of cups, keith gives his unloved ball a casual toss only for it to clatter off the rim and drop to the ground. ]
...oh. [ frowning!! it's stupid to take offense at the mockery this game is making of his aim when the problems already been identified, but.... ] ... Thing is definitely rigged.
[ petty? sore loser? of course not. ]
Edited 2022-10-27 03:43 (UTC)
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. this is also shortish. what is happening.
[ well. at least he doesn’t feel so inadequate for missing all of his many shots. shiro’s perceptions of keith are particularly rosy, even if the track record doesn’t exactly back him up on his tendency to think of keith as the type to excel past obstacles, if not at first, than through his inability to quit. shiro likes to call it patience for the goal, but it’s probably better described as stubbornness in the face of a challenge. so he’s surprised, he supposes, that someone with the hand-eye coordination of keith can’t sink the shot.
so yeah, probably rigged. not that he’s going to cut his losses. shiro’s stubborn too and his is particularly bullheaded. for now, he sidelines his gaze, peeking at that frowny face before turning his head for a full look, snorting softly on the beginnings of a laugh. ]
Uh huh. It’s because you’re not giving the ball any love.
[ teasing and said with a grin. not that he wants to watch keith suck on any balls either, at least not ones of the ping pong variety. he gives his throat a clear as a reminder to himself that this isn’t the place to be picturing keith, half obscured by a sheet and smiling up at him through the splay of his thighs. later. after he’s won this blasted game and they’ve found their way back to his cube. so – best get to work on that first one. ]
Or maybe… it’s that the ball handler isn't receiving any love. [ okay, so maybe his thoughts haven’t returned fully to their default setting of pure and responsible. he gives the ball another roll between his fingers. ] Maybe, you should give me a kiss for luck.
[ it probably says something about keith that his initial reaction to the phrase "ball handler" is to shoot a slightly dubious look towards the boken animatronic set up in the corner, ostensibly to be booth operator.
thankfully, shiro goes on to clarify his actual meaning and keith relazes visibly. he laughs quietly, shaking his head in disbelief with himself. of course shiro wouldn't be suggesting anything weird with that thing in the corner. ]
Heh. Just maybe?
[ keith raises an eyebrow, smile spreading slow but warm. ]
Can't believe you're trying to con me into kissing you for science.
[ actually, no. that's entirely believable. it's just that it still feels kinda new and exciting to be playing these boyfriend only games with shiro. so, despite fully recognizing this for what it is, is keith going to turn his boy down? no. he'll take a half step closer, step up onto his toes and press a kiss to shiro's cheek .
.... and then kiss the other one, a half beat later. see, that's not self indulgence, it's: ]
For double luck.
I AM NOT A SEAL. also, i'm still scarred by that animatronic.
[ there’s a certain ease to their affection now. of course, starting out with a preference for physical touch certainly helped in that regard, but it still feels like a newfound victory, to watch keith turn toward him so readily. so the cheeks keith’s gifting with kisses? round, chubby things, both exaggerated by the wide, wide grin that’s overtaking his mouth. it’s straight up goofy by the time keith pulls away, gaze bright with delight. ]
I feel luckier already.
[ he’s still got that ping pong in hand, rolling it once more, as he similarly gives his right shoulder a roll. it’s peacocking; like he’s putting on a show with the way he turns his face forward and lines up the shot. a breath, a cock back of his hand, and then a release to have the ping pong bouncing off the counter to go careening toward the layout of cups. it’s not skill that has it bouncing off one rim and it’s not luck that has the trajectory changing so impossibly toward another cup. it’s a straight up miracle.
the ping pong drops into the cup, seemingly not even grazing the sides on its way down. hot damn. it’s a red one, too. he doesn’t actually hear it clink the bottom over the stutter of his own breath, disbelief coloring his voice. ]
It worked? [ brain lags behind for one beat and then, abruptly, he visibly jerks with the straightening of his shoulders, his spine. his expression picks up too, just like the rest of him: his grin back and blinding in his utter excitement. ] It worked!
[ and then he turns on keith. he shoves the bucket into the crook of his other arm, just so he can grab at keith. he dips down with a bend of his knees and snags keith at the waist, lifting back to height and hauling keith along with him. keith’s legs go on for days, but those feet won’t be grazing the ground for a few ticks here, because shiro is laughing and hugging keith, one-armed, to his body. ]
We did it, baby! [ oh. wait. they’re not there yet. ] – Keith.
Edited (i'd like to note that i answered IDK ANYMORE in a row, it bothers me) 2022-10-28 03:01 (UTC)
but it makes sense!! tl;dr so hard to type with flippers.... best flop away from the animatronic!
[ the trajectory of that blessed ping pong ball is a fucking sight to behold... and keith almost misses it because he's too busy staring at shiro striking poses and showing off. the surge of affection feels almost as ridiculous because keith ought to be immune to this, but it's always a treat to see shiro hamming it up and smiling.
good thing the ball's miraculous flight path ends up being sufficient distraction from the distinctly moony quality of his thoughts, huh? keith blinks, disbelief plain to see. as certain as he'd been about the rigging, he was really only half serious about how to win...
there are some real questions to be asked here like how the fuck this amusement park has seemingly set this game up to even enable this gimmick, but with a toe in that rabbit hole and the reminder that he turned fucking purple here once is sufficient cause to abandon the headache waiting to happen. looks like shiro is right there with him -- or should that be on him? the arm wraps tight around his waist and keith has exactly enough time to blurt: ]
Woah!
[ before throwing his arms around shiro's chest to cling. barely a beat later and keith winds up laughing airily, releasing one shoulder to promptly ruffle fingers through an already wind swept floof. ]
Hey!
[ he starts, then stops rather ineloquently. baby. right. boyfriends do that sort of thing. calling each other by pet names and sweet nothings and -- fuck. his face starts to warm all over again, heart beating a little too fast for something so innocuous. baby. does he like it when shiro calls him baby? does eh want to be shiro's baby? is he meant to call him something cheesy right back? flustering, the tussle slows and keith pushes back shiro's hair from his face. ]
You did it, you... waffle?
[ .... f u c k. flushing harder with embarrassment because he doesn't have a clue how the hell that'll be taken, he ads hastily: <.small>]
You know.. cuz they're sweet?
[ fuckfuckfcuk. but if there's any silver lining to this situation, it's found surprisingly in the form of that horrid animatronic. music starts to play from a rusted speaker in its chest as it slowly whirs to life and points upwards to the prizes hanging from the rafters. ]
[ – he’s a what? shiro’s mood is far too exuberant to fall apart from that. however, there is a noticeable downstep in that energy, where the grin closes and the brow furrows. the moment seems to extend as they stand there – or, well, shiro stands there, clinging to keith as keith does to him. this close, there isn’t much keith can hide and so, shiro gets to watch that face flush – and stay flushed – as keith hurries through an explanation. alright, then… he’s a fluffy, floury, breakfast cake because he’s sweet like one. it doesn’t not make sense. it’s just not the go-to people often think of when assigning sugar-sweet names to significant others.
and he supposes that’s why he likes it. it’s horribly clunky – waffle, seriously? – but only keith would default to something so off the wall. it’s obvious keith does not realize how endearing this is, which shiro should remedy, instead of going a touch moony over how amusingly cute his best friend is, but then there’s music. of course shiro looks. it isn’t that he hadn’t seen that horrid creation earlier; it’s extremely difficult to miss. but largely ignoring the sick contortion of its shape is easier when it’s not making noise and… moving…?
shiro allows himself one, full tick to stare, sickened and wary, at the booth attendant and then he’s pointedly looking away. he’s yet to put keith down and he will continue to hold him up despite the strain in his left shoulder as he takes one stride, two strides forward. that’s all it takes for him to be at the counter, where he drops off the bucket of ping pongs. right hand now free, he grasps at keith with it and together, he gently lowers keith until his feet touch the ground. ]
So I’m sweet like a waffle.
[ the grin is back and closer, too, because shiro crowds into keith’s space with a bend, playfully nudging his forehead to keith’s. ]
Maybe I should call you strawberry, then. Sweet, red, and the best topping for a waffle.
[ topping. topper? he hears it afterwards and thinks, wait, though he’s interrupted from going any further with it. the thing is… it isn’t just music now. the thing speaks amidst the tune and it’s weird. shiro lifts his head off of keith’s, reluctantly staring over at the robo-attendant. ]
That… needs to never speak again. [ which, of course, it does, by repeating the same thing. seems it will continue to do so until they hurry up and comply. sheesh, someone should tell it about patience. ] Okay, okay, uh… this is cute.
[ and he releases keith to shuffle over a step, reaching up to tug down this very happy guy. ]
[ .... okay, so perhaps the flub with the waffle business isn't as disastrous as keith thinks it is. there's a jarring pause in which shiro looks caught off guard, but soon enough his boyfriend has leaned right back in and has a new name of his own.
strawberry. the title seemingly rings in keith's ears and with the way his face continues to warm, he's pretty sure he might look like a strawberry, too. how embarrassing. waffe and strawberry. strawberry and waffle..... fuck. there's no getting around the fact that the more keith mulls this over, the more his brain brain goes into an infinite loop of processing errors. he manages a tiny, again, embarrassing mewl of a half-answer, that cuts off right around when that thing starts to speak.
keith startles visibly, eyes locked in on the possibility of a threat as shiro puts him down on the ground. is summoning his bayard completely overkill? probably. at the very least, conventional wisdom suggests a date shouldn't include things like stabbing animatronic robots, right? right. he continues to watch the creepy thing while shiro deals with the demand it's making.
and that's when he spots a sticker on its chest. the sticker is peeling at the corners and yellowed with age, but the name remains distressingly legible. keith stares, only slightly taken out of the staring by the question being asked of him. frankly, he only gives the smiling face a passing glance before nodding and ste taking a large step away from jonorrhea and its many, many balls. ]
Uh-huh. It uh... kinda looks like a Bii-Boh-Bi.
[ it looks nothing like a bii-boh-bi. particularly around the base and head, but that's something to mull over later. ]
[ oh. that’s why he immediately zeroed in on this plush. it matches keith’s drawing of team voltron’s recruitment tour manager. shiro does better this time; he doesn’t go deadeyed with exasperation. the first time he heard, though? that voltron toured around, putting on scripted shows? he must’ve massaged his suddenly headache plagued temples for ten minutes straight. keith’s drawing had been cute, though, in that disastrously simple, but he’s trying, sort of way. a noodle with a smiley face… – it’s not entirely accurate to this plush that has two stumps for feet and a bulbous head, but it’s certainly close, especially the happy face. ]
That’s a good thing, right?
[ holding the plush between both his hands, shiro stares at the sparkling eyes for a beat longer and then turns to keith. ]
A little something from, uh… home?
[ sort of? is it comforting to have a plush of a practical stranger from your home universe? shiro’s leaning toward, no, no it’s not, but before he can delve into that further, a practical stranger from this universe is butting in again.
oh. god. and what is that? is it actually named jonorrhea. as in gonorrhea? ]
Here. [ still squinting at jonorrhea, shiro holds the plush out toward keith, gently, yet insistently pushing it into keith’s arms. ] Let’s go before that thing starts walking.
[ and then he’s ushering keith away by pressing his hand firmly to his back. one step, two step, and now they’re picking up speed on the stride because what the fuck? ]
[ having the plush more or less pushed into his arms, if nothing else, puts a stopper in the increasing temptation to summon his bayard and cleave this creepy robot in half. aside from the aforementioned questionable date etiquette though, there are other reasons to suspect this might end badly. for all that the prison has gotten a strange amusement park makeover, the sex obsession is still obviously present. who's to say cracking that thing open wouldn't just trigger an auto release of aphrodisiac?
that all said, exercising restraint in the face of solicitations and harassment leaves a very sour taste in keith's mouth. with shiro's arm pushing his back and swiftly herding them away, keith merely grumbles under his breath as he walks. ]
Should shove a sword through it.
[ though perhaps it would like that for some godforsaken reason. with a pouty hmph, keith wraps his arms tighter around the dubious bii-boh-bi plush, takes a deep breath and looks to shiro with a small smile. ]
That was weird. But thanks for the plush, Shiro.
[ circumstances aside, it's ... kinda nice actually? being at a carnival with a boyfriend who wants to show off and win prizes for him. warming significantly with that thought, keith's shoulders relax, tension visibly lifting as he surveys the park. a rusted sign posted at a fork in the path reads fun house and carousel pointing left and right respectively. keith raises an eyebrow. ]
[ the amount of horrific robo-entities they’ve encountered since being hauled off to prison is not something shiro likes to think about in any capacity. by comparison though, jonorrhea is, by all accounts, the least offensive of them all. but… yeah, running a sword through its misaligned body to sever its spine would have been satisfying. his only answer is a soft snort and a pat of his fingers against keith’s back, both as agreement and in parting, as he lets his arm swing back to his side.
he looks over at keith then, smile already in place before he’s even settled his gaze. as soon as he sees keith there, though, hugging the plush comfortably with its upside down heart shape of a head close to keith’s face… that smile sobers slightly. there’s something about the way that looks. he can’t put his finger on it but… he’s distracted with a feeling he can’t discern, the kind that scrambles his belly and knocks hard at his ribs. ]
You’re welcome…
[ he sounds distracted because he is. he realizes it, though, so there’s a saving grace in a self-awareness that has him shaking his head and looking forward. ah, a decision. he comes to a stop in front of the signs, looking one way, then the other, before once more, taking a chance at looking at keith. he feels it again; heat in a very inappropriate place in this very inappropriate time. he clears his throat and musters up a grin. ]
They have to be! They wouldn’t lie to us.
[ false advertisement and all that, right? ]
Besides… I’ll take my chances with the Fun House. Because that carousel, uhm…
[ it’s not that far off; it’s easily seen from where they’re standing. there are a few horses – unicorns – but the ride is largely made of, well, large phalluses. ]
[ keith casts an uncertain glance from shiro to the carousel. easy to see why shiro chose not to finish that thought. aside from being painted in garish colors, the carousel is a disturbing mass of cocks slowly thrusting up and down to off-ky music. the whole thing might've been less jarring if there weren't the occasional unicorn because they open up a whole slew of other questions keith doesn't want in his head. did the porn aliens steal a carousel from another reality and neglect to finish converting the ride into some phallic eyesore? or were the unicorns put there to satisfy some uh.... kink.
keith's expression scrunches with a shudder as he abruptly swivels his gaze back to shiro, arms clutching a little tighter around his plush as he nods in vigorous agreement. ]
.... Yeah, let's skip the carousel.
[ granted, the visual absurdity of watching shiro cling to a giant dick might actually be kinda amusing, but not enough that the public spectacle would be worth. it's a thought that might warrant some unpacking, really. a private dick riding is okay, but not a public one? he blushes, looking down at his feet as he starts heading down the fork to the absolutely correctly advertised fun house. silence holds for a few beats until he decides the closest thing to a "proper date" they're likely to have while held prisoner shouldn't be spent feeling awkward. ]
Hey, Shiro? After this, let's go back?
[ it's the mildest way keith can think of putting it. the park itself isn't crowded by any means, but there's an atmosphere about's the opposite of the peace and quiet that he prefers to spend his time in. heh. not that going back today of all days is going to be spent quietly, but that's a prospect that's both nerve wracking and exciting? keith still hasn't quite settled on which.
what's less ambiguous is that once they walk a few more yards, the fun house comes into much clearer view.
ah. so perhaps this is why so many kids have a fear of clowns???? ]
[ so keith would like to go back after a run through the, supposed, fun house. there’s a moment there, from one step to the next, that his stride falters, ever so slightly, almost like he’s going to stop. it’s a cue. a hint. shiro doesn’t associate subtlety with keith, however, so he doesn’t see it as such; if keith wanted to leave now, he’d simply say so, right? neither of them want to explore this fun house and yet, neither have outright said it, so shiro… keeps walking for the goal, going through the motions of what he thinks he’s meant to. ]
Okay, sure. This should be pretty quick, anyway.
[ should be and will be, because when that horrific sight comes into view, shiro is especially motivated to get in and get out with quick strides. closer and closer now, they wander toward the ramped railing of the attraction's entrance, and there, shiro has to reconsider the options. perhaps he should be the one to ask for them to leave now. it feels a bit like backing down from a challenge, though. like he’s spooked from the gaudiness of the exterior. playing a coward in front of his boyfriend, as a prelude to their first night together… – probably not the best kind of mood to set.
arguably, visiting a fun house isn’t the greatest form of foreplay, either. still, shiro sets his shoulders to breathe life into his determination and then, gently, pries one of keith’s hands loose from the plush, to hold it at their sides. he tilts his head, sidelining a glance toward keith, mouth upkicked for a slanted smile. ]
Seems popular enough. So it can’t be that bad.
[ it’s true, three people pile onto the ramp ahead of them and hurry up. another scoots in and… huh, funny that they’re all men. before another group can wander in before them, shiro tugs at keith’s hand and gets them on the ramp to start up. no line, no wait, everything moves quickly, and so, soon they’re walking through that clown’s mouth and through an archway that then turns to the left. it’s narrower here, with trick mirrors framing on both sides as they scoot along some metal rollies. it leads them right into some brightly colored punching bags, which they have to squeeze in between. he laughs, because what else is he meant to do when confronted with such lame entertainment? he supposes it’s fun, if only because keith, now free to use both his hands, is behind him, dealing with the same ridiculousness.
… and then it isn’t so ridiculous. the path turns sharply to the right and the entire room opens up into long running walls that have dozens of circular cut-outs. the fun is considerably less childlike then. ]
… Do you think the big, open mouth entrance was meant to be a warning?
[ making a joke at a time like this? it’s distraction and anxiety that has his mouth moving, uttering such embarrassment. it helps, at least momentarily, to mask the wet sound of the man on his knees immediately to the left, face pressed close to the wall, but not close enough to block view of the cock being pressed down his throat. ]
YEAH WOW. idk what to do with forbidden pre midnight praise
[ the open mouthed entryway is a sight and a half that might one day feature in keith's nightmares, but it's not necessarily a deterrent in the way that it perhaps ought to be. being cooped up on the same fucking premises for months and months on end makes novelty, even the weird and creepy kind, all the more appealing. not that they've found anything especially useful, but it's just... heh nice to be exploring with shiro while holding hands. really, that's the most regrettable part about going back to shiro's cube.
whatever misgivings he may have had about the fun house based solely on the exterior, however, still manage to be understated once they set foot inside the premises. as they walk into the narrow hall, keith physically freezes, eyes locked onto the rows of holes and the prisoners kneeling or bent over presenting before them.
the greedy suckling noises from the man closest to them snaps keith gaze towards him, but there's still a mortified, yet faraway expression on his face as he stares. in all his time spent sucking down anon's cock through the hole in the bathroom door of that house, keith has never once thought about what he looked like doing it. or more accurately, he's never once wanted to think about it. the wide stretch of this man's lips as a cock pushes in deep makes keith's body go tense as he lets out s quiet choked noise of this own.
fuck, that isn't remotely the correct reaction. distantly, keith's aware that shiro's sayigg something, but the words feel faraway and as disemboeided as the cocks poking through each little opening. ]
Uh...
[ it's all keith can manage. between that and finally snapping his eyes away from the guy happily blowing and drooling, keith has finally moved past from his initial paralysis to a sudden curdling at the pit of his stomach. is anon dick here feeding his cock into some new guy? drawing them smiley faces and telling them they mean something?
fuck. it doesn't matter. it never mattered because he's with thth shiro who means more to him that keith knows what to do with. but it stings all the same to be left behind without a word. maybe it's not at all personal and the guy just got sent back home on praole or whatever the prison official claim about disappearances, but....
no. keith gives himself a mental shake, refusing to cede any ground to grief when this is meant to be a date with his best friend. keith breathes out, arms loosening fruther around the plush as he finally, very belatedly looks at shiro with an embarrassed smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. ]
I... sorry. Place is kinda distracting. I.. wow. Guess I always figured porn prison would be more straight forward about orgies...
[ shiro’s thoughts aren’t all that different from keith’s. in the moment, when his neck is arched and his mouth is open, lips so close to the balsa wood that they occasionally brush, shiro is miles away from any sort of care centered on the scene he presents. there’s no one there to see him, afterall. it’s him, anon mouth, and a fucking door between them. well, toward the end there hadn’t been, but the matter is much the same: there’s freedom to be shameless when anonymity is the name of the game. now though, shiro is forced to reconcile what he’s seeing to a past that, he’d hoped, would stay in the past.
so he looked like that, huh? drool wetting his lips and throat expanding? he doesn’t think he would have ever been so bold as to frequent a set-up like this. it’s too exposed. the lights of the room are kept low, with very little light from outside filtering through, but all the same, he can make out faces and features if he cares to look, maybe even dig up some familiarity to those he’s seen on the prison grounds. on the other side of the door, though – maybe? maybe he would have liked trying this, just to lose himself in the sound of not one mouth, but dozens of mouths slurping and moaning. in some odd way, he feels as though, if that were true, that it would be a relief. then it’d be the kink itself. dirty, filthy, embarrassing as it is, it’s somehow better than him only wanting gloryholes and veiled identities when it comes to one anonymous in particular.
is he here? shiro ended things between them rather abruptly, at least on his end. he regrets that now. not him stopping their trysts, but for not doing it properly with an explanation of sorts. every time he’d tried to write a note, it had seemed… juvenile. like he was breaking up with someone via letter, even though they’d never been together or dating or whatever. there had been no lasting agreement to continue, so he’d simply used that as his needed justification to stop checking for signals and notes. so again, he wonders if anonymous mouth is here, getting his fill. anonymous mouth seemed to have enjoyed his anonymity just as much as shiro, so likely not. he wouldn’t be the type to join in this sort of orgy.
orgy?
shiro drags his gaze away from the guy in the red tank top two holes down, seemingly just realizing that keith is talking to him. embarrassing; he’d just been talking, too, and his attention drifted that much in the span of a few seconds? he clears his throat, fixating on keith’s smile and trying not to allow his attention to be leached again. ]
They do like to spring things on us though…
[ there’s a bang and there goes shiro’s attention, once more swiveling to, not red tank top guy, but the next one over, head steady and mouth dripping as the door shakes with a bang of someone’s hips. oh. shiro knows what that’s like. again, he clears his throat and looks away. ]
Hopefully this isn’t some sort of, in order to leave, you must participate, thing. Because I, uh… wow, I wouldn’t even know what to do.
[ the bang diverts both their attentions. as determined as keith may have been to keep his eyes on shiro, sudden sharp noises have a way of being harbingers of disaster. would that have been preferable to the reciprocal throaty groan of the guy another hole down, followed by more frenetic pounding and slamming? keith swallows hard, trying not to stare but finds that bizarre paralysis from before is back full force, keeping him locked in place as heat blooms across his cheeks and threatens to spread lower.
fuck. it's not that he finds any of this arousing -- it's not. this whole orgy is as awkward as it is embarrassing, and keith doesn't like being presented with an all too vivid image of what his own pleasure seeking looked like. the banging cuts off aburptly as something wet drips from the corners of the man's mouth. keith bites his lower lip anxiously as he looks past him and towards the door on the far side of the hallway. the dim lighting makes it hard to see exactly how many people are here, but the air is full of slick, wet noises and lewd grumblings.
it's -- it's been a while. prior to porn prison, keith hadn't really thought of himself as a person with requirements for intimacy and touch. outside of the occasiol jerk off session to help him relax, he hadn't really felt compelled to go looking for more. being with shiro has changed that, but before shiro it'd been anon who made him think that maybe intinacy with others wasn't so bad? again, he swallows, trying not to stare at a waiting phallus pushed through a hole further dwon the line.
it's strange really, how had this ever felt safe? him and anon were alone. sure, but there'd always been risks and potential for abuse and it had simply never happened. anon made it feel safe to explore things keith felt he couldn't, and now? anon isn't that at all. just... just another dick in the facility.
keith isn't looking at shiro by the time his boyfriend collects himself enough to speak, but the words sure as hell startle him into doing that. fuck. horrified by the thought, and just as mortified by shiro's innocence here, keith's face and ears burn hot as he stammers: ]
I- [ shit. the thought hadn't even crossed his mind that this isn't a voluntary orgy at all. for all he knows, a public suck off is the only way out of this fun house and anxiety twists his stomach into knots. ] No.
[ no? like porn prison has ever cared about his deisres? ]
Not like this.
[ because being intimate with shiro is supposed to be different. on their terms, for starters. trying to get a grip on himself, keith takes a deep breath then remembers: ]
If we can't get out that door, I'm breaking it with my bayard.
[ it’s not the reaction shiro anticipates, not that there is any cut and dry reaction for something like this. it’s just… sometimes he forgets how obscenely abnormal all of this is. it’s filthy and a little gross, yeah, to walk in on what is otherwise a private affair by earth standards, but they’ve been exposed to this sort of thing for nearly half a year now. the shock value isn’t anywhere near what it used to be, at least not for shiro, and that’s where the mistake lies: he forgets that his internalizing isn’t exactly normal either.
they were joking a moment ago. stilted and awkward, sure, but keith had even forced a smile and so, shiro, being the fool that he is, didn’t overanalyze it. idiot that he is was too busy thinking about a certain anonymous when he should have been putting every ounce of attention into taking care of his boyfriend. a boyfriend who was traumatized with forced sexual acts shortly after receiving his sentence.
shiro makes a joke about hoping they don’t have to participate to get out? what the fuck is wrong with him?
whether or not it’s the right thing to be doing now, when keith likely already feels cornered and claustrophobic, shiro can’t help the immediate step closer as he crowds in what he hopes is comforting. or at the very least, enough to block some of the scene around them. get him out. it quickly becomes the only thing in his head; a single goal that he is entirely willing to go down for. property destruction? yeah, sure, he’ll take a demerit for that. ]
Not before I punch a hole through it. [ and he takes keith’s hand in his again, loathing himself for ever having dropped it to begin with. he gives a tug as he walks ahead, full intention being to muscle his way through anyone who so much as wanders in their way. ] Come on.
[ it should have been fine. most everyone is occupied. a quicker step and maybe they would’ve made it, but shiro feels a backward tug that falters his stride and has him pausing, head quickly turning with a jerk to peer over his shoulder. a man, knelt on the floor with his shirt bunched up to his armpits and residue on her lips, has a hand outstretched and fisted in keith’s pantleg. ]
[ punch a hole through ....? ah, right. shiro has that galra arm for some added manpower for hole punching. how... handy? fuck, keith isn't sure what's wrong with him that in a moment of revulsion, the most insightful commentary he has to his boyfriend's take charge attitude is the world's lamest pun. he keeps his lips sealed, gripping shiro's hand tight as his boy leads them through glory hole hell. keith tries not to stare at anything as they stride quickly down the line, but he can't help throwing curious glances at the peeking cocks.
it's impossible to tell with such poor lighting if any of them are anon dick's. what would he even do if he could perfectly recognize and identify the guy by his dick, anyway? drag his feet, make shiro hold his plush to walk over and punch a dick? would that even be cathartic considering the interrogation shiro would put him through later?
perhaps if keith were paying attention to things other than waggling penises waiting for a willing receptacle, he'd have seen the danger posed by those on the ground. he actually gasps when a hand snatches a fistful of his pants, only to make a horrible choking noise at the man's familiar gravelly voice. seized by the sudden fear that perhaps he's been recognized, it takes keith a moment of forced deep breathing to even register the comically bizarre accent is obviously disqualifying for this to be his anon.
.... and then a further minute to register that he's being propositioned. by someone wantng to know if his dick is bii-boh-bi sized. the instinct to kick out and forcibly break the man's grip fizzles as his brain force quits on the spot. ]
No!
[ fuck is that all he can say? flustering, keith almost drops the plush and manages to catch it by the stubby rounded feet before it hits the ground. ... but not before the head bonks their new friend jven on the head. ]
No? Shame. But you can slap with me around with yours anyway.
[ having just been on the verge of apologizing, keith finds himself extremely pleased for being slow on the delivery. with the need to yell rising exponentially, he snatches up the plush, shoving it against shiro's chest for him to secure. ]
Hold this.
[ the inmate chuckles, pleased by the apparent acceptance of the offer. the delight is short lived however, when keith rolls his eyes. ]
Why would I ever choose you when I'm with him?
[ grabbing shiro's hand, keith resumes walking again, annoyance doesn't lift easily, not when he's dealing with nobody's, but it does feel better having said that aloud. ]
Edited 2022-11-05 02:58 (UTC)
this isn't breaskfast porn sadly. it's more like brunch porn.
[ he should be stepping in. keith’s still got that knee-jerk franticness to his voice and while, yes, he’s fully capable of handling himself, he also doesn’t need to… because shiro’s here. sort of. he’s a little slow, too, it seems. they’re surrounded by holes and sucking mouths, and yet, this is the part he finds abnormal: keith being hit on. now that it’s happening, right in front of him no less, shiro has to wonder if this happens often. they’re prisoners in a facility specifically geared toward illicit activities and for how little effort keith puts into his appearance, he’s still, basically, sex on legs. said legs are ridiculously long in proportion, holding up a frame that’s strong, yet lean. and then there’s the face, with his sharp angles and intense eyes, framed with unruly hair that keeps shiro constantly wavering between two fantasies of either gently smoothing his bangs from those pretty irises or curling his fingers tight for a wanting yank.
he needs to step it. the moments have piled up, however, and his delay is what earns him a plush being shoved into his arms not even a millisecond after his muscles tense in his legs. he never takes that intended step and instead, is made to watch, then follow, as keith takes up lead. now, he wouldn’t say he’s pleased by the scene keith made…
who is he kidding, of course he’s pleased. realistically, shiro never felt threatened by someone with dirty knees and a dirty mouth, desperately trying to steal keith away but it’s… invigorating to be chosen. their boyfriend status is new and it’s exciting, how confident keith sounded in saying, essentially, shiro is his and he’s shiro’s, too. now shiro’s the one clutching at the oversized plush and trying to muscle down a moony expression that has no business being on his face in a dimly lit, overstuffed room of amateur exhibitionists.
busy trying to school his features, shiro doesn’t say anything in the handful of seconds it takes to reach the door. that’s sobering in itself and pausing before it, shiro manages to uncurl his smile. ]
Is it… [ locked? impenetrable? he brushes by keith and turns his body, shoving his hip to the push bar. he’s fully expecting to meet resistance, but the door gives and he almost stumbles over his own feet as it swings outward. still holding keith’s hand, shiro gives it a squeeze and now he’s the one back in the lead as he pushes the door wider with his foot and pulls keith outside. it’s technically not the exit. they can continue to another section by going to the left, one that seemingly heads toward an upstairs. there’s a ramp leading down to the carnival grounds, however; guess some people only want to visit the gloryhole room before tapping out. ]
I take back my earlier comment. [ he starts leading keith down the ramp, more than happy to put this place behind them. ] Fun Houses aren’t so fun.
[ an almost laugh that doesn’t hold any genuine humor and then, after a pause, a gentler, more careful: ]
[and the thrilling conclusion to the orgy is total confusion. shiro isn't expecting the door to open and, frankly, neither is keith. having saved a bit of pent up anger to channel towards breaking the exit door off its hinges only for it to swing open nice and easy, keith is left blinking in surprise and with no outlet. ]
Uh...
[ his voice is quiet, shoulders tense and waiting for something else to actually be the obstruction, but with shiro leading them down the ramp and rest of the amusement park now mere feet away, keith is forced to refocus. ]
Um... [ there it is again, his trademark eloquence rearing its head for the world to see. giving himself a mental kick, keith shifts his line of sight from the fairground where inmates have lined up to purchase cotton candy to his boyfriend.
is he okay? for a moment, keith thinks he might actually burst into laughter. ]
Ww just escaped from a random orgy and ... [ squint. ] You got me a dick.
[ if he sounds bewildered, that's because he is. with the smiley face of the plush turned inwards to shiro's chest, the phallic shape takes on its proper context. keith wrinkles his nose, something tickling the back of his throat as he huffs completely incredulously. ]
I... they put a smiley face on it.
[ .... like another certain someone would have? wait, shit. no. the tentative laughter cuts off abruptly, and keith teeters, lips pulling in a tense line that could go either into a smile or a scowl. ]
I... [ shit, what was the question again? flushing with embarrassment, keith looks down at his feet as he lets shiro lead them back to the cubes. ] ...I don't know how to feel.
[ about anything, really other than a growise, knowing that his boyfriend's sweet concern would curdle with disgust if he knew keith had been intimate with a guy through a hole. and not just once, but repeatedly. unable to make any eye contact, keith keeps his grip on shiro's hand loose. ]
... Hey, I know what your answer is gonna be, but I just need to hear it in your voice, okay? If we start being intimate and you don't like it for whatever reason, you wouldn't just stop talking to me, right?
[ oh, what? this is a… – of course, it’s a dick. once he sees it, he can’t unsee it, and all at once, he’s mentally giving himself a slap. how did he not realize that sooner? it’s so obvious. unnerving, too, because now he’s staring down at a plush, fuzzy dick that is staring back at him. there’s a trash bin at the bottom of the ramp; would keith mind if shiro dumped this guy in it? stop it; why is he getting all tangled up about a dick plush? one that made contact with that pawing man in the orgy room. maybe this dick plush now has a std. does that wash off if he sticks this guy in a washing machine?
he’s getting sidetracked.
giving himself another mental slap, shiro keeps walking, keeps leading down, down the ramp. the ramp ends and his feet touch the dirt, the carnival spreading out every which way and offering up dozens of avenues to take. the exit had been… this way? he thinks? either way, he sets course and hopes for the best.
he’s tempted, not even ten steps later, to stop, though. what keith asks can only suggest a much deeper problem that deserves more than the back of shiro’s head and an answer over his shoulder. the desire to get out of this place is strong, however; so while he doesn’t stop to address keith with the full weight of his gaze and attention, shiro slows his steps until they sync next to each other, the two of them walking together, rather than shiro tugging him along. the path ahead of them is wide; the open corridor made by lines of food stands isn’t overcrowded in the middle, so shiro stops watching where his feet are leading him and turns his head to keith beside him.
right is the answer, though a wholly inadequate one. knowing this, shiro swings, perhaps, a little too far the other way. ]
You’re invaluable to me, Keith. I’m not walking away from you – ever.
[ whether or not they’re together, shiro wants keith in his life in some capacity. preferably with the title of best friend, since it suits keith so well. he tightens his grip then, making up for the looseness of keith’s. ]
And we deserve a chance. I wouldn’t give up on us like that. [ he tried to stop it before it could ever begin, yes, but things are different now. ] Our chemistry is, well, you know. You feel it. [ his smile isn’t shy, but there’s definitely a sweeter, boyish quality to it, his head turning forward again. ] So I doubt we’re going to have a problem, anyway.
YELLS. i guess that's good motivation to bury you properly this weekend
[ despite the nature of the question, keith is privately relieved shiro isn't making it an ordeal by halting the way back to the cubes entirely. keith wants to leave the carnival's festivities behind, and doesn't want to drag this bit of reassurance seeking into the privacy of the cube either.
there's nothing to discuss at length here, after all. the uncertainty following anon's abrupt disinterest isn't shiro's doing, and he isn't so insecure as to think one random barely-there relationship will predict the fallout of the closest bond he's ever had to another person. a simple right would've sufficed, but of course shiro goes above that.
keith listens, gradually tightening his grip on shiro's hand in turn. eye contact is still difficult to make, though he forces it for two beats before turning his face forward again to watch the path back to the cubes.. ]
Okay.
[ the reply is inadequate -- something keith makes up for a beat late. ]
Thanks. I'm not seriously worried about it or anything, just .. nervous, I guess.
[ and also now a little too aware of his own sexual preferences now than he was previously. how the hell do boyfriends talk about things like that? do they talk about things like that or simply fall into configurations that work? trying not to overthink, keith shakes his head and gives shiro's hand a squeeze. ]
H-how do you like things anyway? [ things? fuck. if he can't be bold enough to just spit out proper words, then maybe he shouldn't be talking about this at all. annoyed, keith amends: ] Sex, I mean.
[ he’s squeezing his hand now; that’s encouraging. it feels like progress, like they won’t, once again, be derailed from giving their physical chemistry a proper shot. of course, just because keith stresses that he isn’t seriously worried, doesn’t mean that’s wholly true. the fact that keith follows it up by asking for cliffnotes on shiro’s expectations in bed puts a crack in shiro’s renewed confidence. boyfriends talk about this sort of thing, he reminds himself. it just feels like a last ditch effort, asked with minutes to go and out in the open for anyone to hear.
actually, given the location, this is an entirely appropriate conversation to be having in public. he laughs unintentionally at that, head turning to give keith a brief glance. ]
Where do I even start with a question like that?
[ good-humored, it’s more teasing than anything else. he only means… it’s generalized enough that he doesn’t know what direction to take. it’s restrictive, only in that it’s too open-ended, so he ends up tripping over his own thoughts trying to organize them into an answer. there is, of course, also the fact that thinking about what he likes in bed has him thinking about how he doesn’t always like things in bed, that sometimes he likes unconventional places for sex. too much. he’ll start with the obvious. ]
I like pleasing my partner, there’s that. [ he always pegged himself as a service top. adam was… directive, and shiro had no qualms about following through with whatever his then fiance wanted from him. the list hadn’t been all that extensive, unfortunately; he's hoping keith is more agreeable to indulging shiro. ]
So I guess you can say I like foreplay. Handjobs, blowjobs, rimjobs, fingering… I like doing a little of everything before, you know… [ now he’s being the wavering one; polite, sensible, sweet faced shiro hesitating on saying dirty words. ] – Putting my dick inside you.
[ actually, that sounds dirtier than fucking you would have. ]
[ having this conversation outside while they're still walking has its pros and cons. most importantly, there's less pressure surrounding the subject matter when there isn't a bed in plain sight, waiting to be used. that in itself, keith thinks is almost worth the passing glances as they move past other inmates while shiro talks about plainly.
if his face wasn't pink before, it almost certainly is now. to say that he had no intention to judge is a misrepresentation, only in that keith had assumed shiro's sexual preferences were, if not entirely squeaky clean, at least not quite as overtly filthy as mouth on ass. silly of keith, really, to assume that kind of kink was something reserved for folks who prefer to keep their identities a secret for the ages. keith never stops walking, but he swivels his face , eyes round as he stares at shiro's mouth.
really? is a risiculous question to ask in follow up. fortunately for shiro, he's spared the incredulity, but only because the rest of his assertions make keith splutter.
You....
[ heat burns up to the tips of his ears and keith hastily blinks, eyes forward again as they approach a set of turnstiles at the exit. glad to have a proper excuse to let go of shiro's hand, he clears his throat and passes through the gate.
one breath, then two and he turns to wait for shiro on the other side, shoulders tense despite a conscious attempt to stay relaxed. ]
You want me to bottom...?
[ that shouldn't come as a surprise. tall, broad and atrong -- shiro checks off every point going down the list of stereotypes for tops. hell, it barely takes any imagination to see that having shiro take charge in this capacity as well is a stunning dream. it's just.... ]
I've... [ never done that before?> no, the phrasing is wrong and yet... it isn't. keith has never bottomed for a guy with his face and identity in plain sight. as much as keith realizes there's no shame in finding pleasure in this way, it's still a guilty pleasure at best -- not something he necessarily wanted brought into the light for scrutiny. ]
I... [ fuck. where the hell is he going with all these start-stop aborted trains of thought? brow furrowing, keith lets out a deep breath, rubbing the back of his head. ] ... I guess I should have seen that coming, huh?
[ he laughs, more of a nervous huff as he forces a smile. ]
Didn't see the rimming thing coming though.
[ yes, that's a deflection. shut up and let keith have this while he scrambles to make sense of his head. it's not even that he finds rimming gross at this point -- anon's seen to that extremely thorouhgly in the end. ]
[ it takes some shuffling to get through the turnstiles when he has an armful of happy cock. it’s made harder still when he has keith sounding so… off. shiro should be accustomed to this by now. every time they deviate into topics more boyfriend-esque than friendship-like, they slam face first into a hurdle of awkwardness that takes a good couple of minutes to get by. he can’t help wondering if it’ll always be like this; if there’ll always be a certain level of resistance when it comes to them being more than friends. it’s not wholly keith, either. shiro’s to blame for creating some of the awkwardness, though he is trying to push through it by speaking plainly.
perhaps too plainly if keith looks nervous and forced in his reception.
it’s a defeating thought, one that knocks shiro’s confidence down a few more pegs. he gets through the turnpike though, hefting the plush up in the loop of his arm and holding it close, semi supported on his hip. ]
It’s okay if you aren’t into that. [ rimming. he smiles as he steps close, but he doesn’t take keith’s hand. some things are easy to pick up on. a loose grip, placating squeezes, and a hastily dropped hand… – shiro will just grip his free hand to the plush as well, holding it entirely as gives a short nod forward, continuing in his stride and trusting keith to come along. ] It’s not a deal-breaker.
[ it hadn’t been with adam. he hopes this isn’t keith flat out saying no to it, but if it is, shiro likes him quite a lot more than the pastime of mouthing at ass. there is a possible problem, though. an incompatibility that he hadn’t at all considered, because keith asked him to do it months ago. he wanted shiro to fuck him. sure, he’d been high on aphro but the fact is the same: at one point, keith wanted to bottom for him. has that changed? ]
But, um… you’re surprised I’m a top? Is that… a deal-breaker?
[ shiro doesn't reach for his hand once they resume walking and regardless of how keith feels about the distance, this surely can't be a good sign. he follows shiro's lead, of course, but does so with a rising sense of unease.
it's ridiculous to be wary of talking about sexual preferences with a boyfriend, but the last time keith had mentioned being intimate with someone else, it'd blown up in his face hadn't it? the past is the past, sure, but it's not like either of them have done too much talking about their experiences with others.
.....or no. that's not fair. shiro had talked to him about alinaa and how the experience had left him feeling used and dirty in retrospect. but that's just part of the problem, isn't it? porn prison has made sex something punitive, something to commiserate over or be anxious about when it shouldn't have to be.
in fact, if keith tries hard enough to ignore the occasional prisoner and the familiar run down buildings, he can just think as any other conversation he might have with shiro. it's ... natural, right? to talk to his best friend about things he likes, the things he's embarrassed by? keith's expression falters somewhat, then jogs the two steps he's fallen behind to put his hand on shiro's shoulder. ]
No, I -- I like rimming. I just thought. ... it wasn't your thing?
[ he laughs sheepishly, cheeks still pink as he smiles up at his boyfriend. ]
You know. I just never pictured you that way? [ a beat: ] Uhh, not that I was imagining you being into specific kinks. [ heart hammering, keith takes his hand off shiro's shoulder and scrubs down his face. ] I mean, I was but -- not like that. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
[ hand still plastered on his face, keith ducks his head, hiding behind the sweep of his hair as he continues. ]
... A-and you being a top isn't a deal breaker. It's just... [ forcing himself to relax only gets as far as a smidge of tension dropping from his shoulders, voice dropping low to near whispers. ] ... it feels weird to like it.
there are so many good doggo gifs, i'm still laughing about the floppy seal doggo
[ so to recap: keith likes rimming, but he didn’t think shiro would, because keith fantasizes about shiro and kinks, but not those kind of kinks. that last part is quite the admission, one that shiro would be much more apt to mercilessly tease if keith wasn't struggling so intensely. steps having slowed with the hand on his shoulder, shiro stops altogether now, turning to face keith and watch his boyfriend blush and scrub and hide.
how many guys did it take for keith to realize he likes rimming? how many guys did it take for keith to realize he likes bottoming? he asks himself these questions in the moments that he eyes the heavy fall of keith’s bangs and then does his best to dismiss them. he doesn’t want to know. he does, however, want to know why keith’s uncertain over a preference he clearly has. shelving his own misplaced uncertainty, shiro moves closer, letting go of their plush friend with one hand to, gently, draw those bangs to the side with a drag of his fingers. ]
Why?
[ he doesn’t drop to keith’s pitch but it’s soft in his want to understand. there’s a smile, too. tentative at first, but encouraging by the next beat. ]
That’s kind of the point, you know. You’re supposed to like it.
[ shiro stops and keith tries not to groan. it's hard having the conversation about his self perception and seemingly mismatched preferences with himself, let alone another person -- even if that person is shiro.. this isn't supposed to be an ordeal, except the careful sweep of his hair and the gentle concern on shiro's face make his heart trip before skipping beats. ]
I know, I know... [ chagrined, keith sucks in a deep breath before dragging his hand down and away to force a no nonsense air. ] It feels good when your prostate's getting all banged up.
[ resisting the urge to fold his arms, keith sighs audibly, breath ruffling his hair. ]
I don't know, Shiro. I just never pictured myself being... okay with, you know. [ voice dropping a few decibels lower: ] Bending over? Letting someone else take charge? I mean, I like it? ... But it kinda feels wrong to want it, I guess. It's not... I dunno, leaderly.
[ you know. the thing shiro wanted keith to be. keith grimaces, more embarrassed than anything else and tries for a self deprecating laugh. ]
ANd I don't want it with anyone I don't trust. But I trust you, so....
[ so. <.small>]
I CAN'T FIND HIM. i forgot what keywords i searched with
[ shiro understands, to a degree. afterall, he’s never bent over himself. up until coming here, it simply never came up. unlike keith, no one else misinterpreted shiro's being more suited to topping and so, the few trysts before adam never wanted more than to spread themselves for him. adam was much the same, though a touch mouthier when it came to directing shiro on how to perform. since then, it has come up here, though, but shiro suspects that’s largely due to him broadcasting part of his sentencing early on. he does need to bottom at some point, apparently, which isn’t something he’s necessarily against, especially if it means one step closer to getting out of here. but he’s like keith: he only wants it from someone he trusts. in a word? keith.
it’s interesting, though, that keith says that and yet, he’s bottomed – how many times? enough to develop a guilty pleasure in having his, in keith’s words, prostate banged up. trust implies some sort of time nurtured relationship. shiro knows that before they started a relationship, keith had found people he felt comfortable being physical with, he’d sort of said as much. but it hits differently, to have keith explicitly saying trust, even though it’s obvious that would be a contention.
who did keith trust before? did keith waffle and cringe, reasoning through it being acceptable to bottom for that dude too? or is this just a phenomenon exclusive to shiro?
he blows out a breath, silent on the sigh, but wholly feeling it with the droop of his shoulders. he’s focusing on the wrong things. again. keith needs him to keep it together. to be nothing more than receptive, encouraging, and comforting. so what if keith had someone special before? shiro did too. he just hopes that keith’s guy is truly in the past.
of course he is. he shakes off the completely irrational insecurity and forcibly smoothes out that tiny wrinkle of confusion, forcing a smile. ]
Just because you’re the one taking it, doesn’t mean you have to give up all control.
[ he gives keith’s bangs another flick, more playful this time, and somehow, just with that, it’s easier to settle into a more genuine mood. ]
But it’s nice, I promise… [ he tucks some hair behind keith’s ear, smoothly continuing on to trace down his neck and to cup his nape. ] Lying back… letting me lead you through your pleasure. You’ll like it and it’s good to like it.
[ doesn't it? the question is almost reflexive, though the flick of shiro's fingers makes keith blink, going wide eyed instead. the way things had worked out between him and anon, it certainly felt a lot more like his control was restricted to allowing anon to continue or not. keith hadn't resented that set up exactly, but in many ways he knows he was lucky to have a guy who took care of him rather than take full advantage.
took. past tense. keith looks up at shiro, resisting the urge to throw a look towards the fun house. perhaps in the end, none of that mattered because they were only using each other and putting smiley faces on notes to soften the ugly reality of their relationship.
it takes an extra beat, but when keith breathes out, he relaxes and manages a proper smile.. it's a shy thing, a touch embarrassed but keith quietly leans up onto th etipes of his toes to steal a chaste kiss. one peck and then his feet are planted firmly on the ground, a hand reaching to take shiro's metal one. ]
I know. I just... for a long time really didn't want to like it. ... Sex in general, really. Because I never really chose it?
[ there'd always been some external factor. guilt, a sense of responsibility, the need to go home, sexual punishment, aphrodisiac. anon at least gave him the space to try and process all of that without having to be attached to anything, but he'd inadvertently gotten attached anyway. stupid really, and this time keith actually huffs and squeezes shiro's metal fingers. ]
I know I'm overthinking it. Heh. ... But I really do wanna try with you., so.
[ so. this time, keith follows that up with a more decisive action. he resumes walking back to their cube, pulling shiro along by the hand. ]
[ yeah, he can see what keith means. nothing quite like being coerced into sharing one’s body under threat of never regaining their freedom. shiro’s had his own hurdles to overcome and he’s someone who came into this with a few points of reference. so for this place to be the starting point of a person’s sexual experience… – rough, to say the least. hindsight is amazingly clear and so, sometimes, shiro looks back and he wonders if he should have done this differently from day one. maybe he should have embraced the idea of being there for the keith. maybe they would’ve reached this point sooner. smoother, too.
or maybe not. maybe it would’ve changed everything.
difficult to know for certain, so he tries not to dwell on it too often. the important thing is that they’re here now and, seemingly, back on track. so he smiles, genuine and sweet, fingers quick to curl around keith’s as he’s led. the walk is rather short after that. no more pit-stops, no more delays, they start walking and they don’t waver until shiro’s cube comes into view. even then, their goal is much the same, although shiro’s a touch helpless to the excitement that seems to build with every step thereafter.
thirty yards out and he sidesteps, shortening the space between them so he’s obnoxiously brushing against keith’s shoulder and hip, their linked hands caught in-between. fifteen yards out and he leans over, kissing at keith’s hair and nipping at his ear. five yards and counting, he’s given up watching where he’s walking altogether, full on nuzzling at keith’s hair and cooing noises that are more happy rumblings than actual words.
their anklets ping and the door opens easily, shiro all but pushing keith inside. gently, of course, though clearly eager. but then they’re inside, keith in front and shiro coming in behind him as his backdoor lover…
and there he is. the wolf.
shiro groans, head falling forward to rest his forehead, low and defeated, against keith’s shoulder. he’s still holding the plush in the crook of one arm and whether it’s for comfort or to channel his rising need to throttle something, he squeezes it ever tighter to himself. ]
Handle that. Please.
[ because he’s not fucking keith with an audience, especially one that has commandeered the bed. ]
[ it's hard not to be caught up in shiro's growing enthusiasm. the amount of indifferent resignation keith's built up for the amount of gross pda that occurs routinely at porn prison only extends to managing to deadeye his way past two inmates fucking like rabbits. being on the receiving end of affection, even as tame as this, makes him turn a rosy around the cheeks, heart thudding in anticipation for what's to come.
so of course when he enters the cube and spots kosmo lounging on the bed, tail wagging politely in greeting, keith feels a similar clunk of disappointment. that said, it's still not enough to keep him from sounding dismayed. ]
He's not a that, Shiro.....
[ the words are quiet in their disapproval. after all, keith isn't looking to pick a fight. he knows shiro and the wolf have had a rough start and that shiro's largely putting up with the wolf for his sake, but stilll. he'd rather hoped that shiro would grow fonder of the wolf than what a that implies.
somewhat bummed, keith peels himself away from shiro and walks towards the bed, hand outstretched to pet between the wolf's ears. instantly, his friend from the abyss closes his eyes, looking like the definition of the word contentment. ]
Hey, buddy. Go hang out with Lance or Pidge for a little while, okay? Or take a nap in my cube. I just need some alone time with Shiro. We'll sit by the beach afterwards, okay?
[ the wolf looks from keith to shiro, then to the dick plush in shiro's arms. having made some kind of conclusion about this, the wolf makes of a whuffling noise as he shakes his head. he gets to his feet, bumps his dnout to keith's hand and then disappears in a flash of blue light.
keith tries not to sigh as he takes a seat on the edge of the now empty bed. he doesn't say a word, but quietly pats the spot next to him.]
every one would love this... except shiro, apparently
[ ah, shit. he’s in trouble, isn’t he? he didn’t mean that as in the space wolf. that as the situation with the space wolf. but even he can see that tussling over words is petty and shallow, especially when it’s only the superficial layer of an issue that runs much deeper. it’s not that he dislikes the space wolf… now. he did before, yes, but he’s grown on shiro, mostly due to keith obviously being immensely fond of him.
sure, shiro would rather not routinely share a bed with an oversized pet who has a habit of scooting in close to keith. sometimes, shiro wakes up to keith cuddling that hunk of fur instead of him. shiro usually counters that by pressing keith to the bed the following evening and kissing him heavy until keith tells the wolf to go to his cube because they need privacy. making out and having an empty cube – it’s a wonder he doesn’t do that every night. actually, it’s not much of a mystery. keith loves that wolf. so as juvenile as shiro can become over hoarding keith’s affection, he does see that keith needs time with that pup. and besides, he can’t not like something or someone who brings keith joy, despite whatever fading reservations he still carries all these months later.
he could save them both a lot of time and energy if he simply said as much. if he started with an apology, too. but, petulantly, he fixates on that last thing keith said: we’ll sit by the beach afterwards. what’s that supposed to mean? is keith not planning on cuddling up to shiro, sweaty, sated, an exhausted? is he really going to get dressed and go hang out with his dog, while shiro lies here alone, staring at the ceiling?
bending down, he puts the plush on the floor, leaning its happy face up against the wall. with that, he walks over as instructed and sits down next to keith. all the while, he doesn’t say a thing. he merely awaits whatever is coming to him, face already scrunched into a small pout. ]
[ it's almost funny how quickly the mood can shift from one moment to the next. shiro is sullen and by the time he takes a seat on the bed, he's outright pouting. the absurdity of it should, again, bemaking keith laugh, but slow broiling guilt keeps keith feeling more somber than anything else. he reaches across to cover one of shiro's hands with his own and squeezes, but keeps his eyes on his feet. >]
It's not like I want the wolf watching either.
[ that much, keith figures should go without saying, but frankly there's little precedent for how to deal with shiro disliking something important to him. honestly, it's not something keith ever anticipated being a problem because shiro is otherwise so understanding. evidently though, he's either misjudged or taken too many liberties with shiro's affection. one way or another, the fact of the matter is that it's not the wolf's fault.
after all, it's not as though the wolf had asked to be brought here. no. that was all keith because he'd been impatient and thought perhaps the wolf could teleport them out beyond the prison fence. stupid. having a heavy sigh, keith rubs the back of his neck. ]
[ shiro is, of course, receptive to keith’s hand. keith squeezes his and shiro’s mood brightens a touch, his body seemingly following it by lifting up, first by his shoulders rolling back and then by the straightening of his spine. he sits less like a pouting fool, although his expression hasn’t quite cleared of that yet. there really is no reason for him to be pouting; he doesn’t receive a lecture, afterall. though, he’s almost disappointed by that. frustration is easier to weather. keith staring at his feet, sighing and sounding so disappointed – now that’s difficult.
shiro swallows back his own sigh; both of them can’t be sighing, they’ll get stuck in a loop. so he frowns instead and flips his hand, pressing palm to palm with his fingers pushing through the spaces of keith’s. ]
I don’t dislike him. [ sounds fake, doesn’t it? anticipating a scoff or a flat look, shiro puts more force behind his voice and tries again. ] I don’t!
[ he squeezes keith’s hand for good measure, as though that’ll make his statement more true. ]
I just… [ where is he going with this…? he licks his lips, thinking and searching for an explanation that doesn’t sound ridiculous. what he ends up with? go easy on him, keith. ] You're both his and my favorite person. So I get a little…
[ hesitation. ]
I mean.
[ frowns deeper, staring at his lap. ]
He hogs you a lot.
is it? i thought his heart is where he keeps his gator jokes
[ as insistent as shiro may be, negating a negative isn't exactly the same as naking an affirmative statement. keith keeps the growing need to sigh in check, equal parts wishing and regretful, as he listens.
truthfully, he thinks the story of shiro's disapproval is rooted entirely in unfortunate teleportation accidents and wrongfully issued misconducts.. after having to endure cleaning duty in the warden's "uniform" of choice, it's not as though keith doesn't understand why there are hard feelings.
this, however, is not a story of perceived injustices. instead this explanation just makes keith blink. and then blink again. ]
Wait. So you're saying... I don't pay enough attention to you?
[ if it sounds incredulous, it's because keith doesn't know how to parse that. shiro's beeo has been the center of his universe for years until the fallout with the clone made everything between them fraught with guilt and uncertainty. no, even afterwards, keith would have dropped everything if shiro had given any indication that he wanted to talk.
this shiro, of course, doesn't have that frame of reference, but .... still.,/i> of all things keith thought shiro might be upset over, the suggestion that he doesn't pay shiro enough mind ranks at the very bottom of that list. part of him wants to laugh, another part feels lost. ]
no no. different shiro. noct shiro has gator jokes, keith, the babies & more keith stuffed in there
[ … when keith says it, it sounds awfully stupid, doesn’t it? shiro cringes and then reverts, all that progress of sitting up straight and ditching the pout undoing in an instant. shoulders draw in and hitch higher, slightly, as if bracing himself against judgment. he certainly looks guilty, even though his head gives a stubborn shake of denial. ]
That’s not what I’m saying.
[ he’s still staring at his lap. it’s safe. it’s comfortable. it’s less ruinous to his determination to get through these next five minutes. ]
I’m saying… [ oh god, what is he saying? he falters because, truthfully, he’s never had to articulate the root of this begrudging tolerance. in the beginning, it was easy. the ill-fated teleportation trip to the bathhouse locker room gave him license to side-eye that wolf for a good couple of weeks. but shiro is rational beyond his stubbornness, so inevitably, he'd accepted it being a mistake made worse by whatever magic this prison holds. since then, he’s had no valid explanation for discouraging the wolf’s presence… but he has and he hasn’t thought heavily on why other than the shallow three's a crowd and they need privacy.
so what is it really? he comes to the answer and just knows he’s going to bring ridicule to himself. but they’re here, with keith’s hand holding his as he waits, so best to bite the bullet and get it over with, yeah? shiro exhales a huff through his nose, lips currently locked up tight on that ever present pout. finally, he does try again. ]
I’m saying… it’s difficult to share you. [ a proper sigh this time. ] And it’s taking awhile for me to learn how to.
[ because he’s never had to, you know? share. not like this. he knows keith’s been with other people here, but somehow that’s easier, because it’s fleeting. the keith shiro has always known has never had anyone else. from the garrison to voltron, shiro was – not everything, but close? maybe? terrible, isn’t it? for him to be grumbling over keith having someone else to adore. but here he is all the same. jealous of a fucking dog for stealing just a few of keith’s early morning cuddles. ]
[ for a moment keith is sincerely convinced he didn't hear that quite right. it hasn't exactly been easy for keith to learn how to share shiro in porn prison either, after all. sometimes he wonders about that night he woke up alone with shiro gone. the bed had still been empty even after keith's long detour with anon, and he'd been too exhausted afterwards to try and stay up until shiro returned. all he knows is that by the time he woke up in the morning, shiro was back and acting like nothing happened. so yeah -- learning to share. it hasn't always been easy, and keith can relate to that sentiment with minimal effort.
.... but in relation to the wolf of all things?
keith laughs, incredulously at first, but as relief takes hold his shoulders start to shake with mirth. ]
Seriously?
[ judging from the ridiculous pouting , perhaps that question is wholly unnecessary. keith lifts his free hand, giving shiro's cheek a cup and a gentle pinch. ]
And you lectured me on patience for years?
[ grinning wide, keith scans the room, eyes landing on the dick plush propped up by the wall. ]
I can't decide if I wanna bop you over the head with the dick or if I wanna kiss you.
[ yeah, yeah, laugh it up. there’s the initial oh no wince, eyes closing and pout intensifying, but while the embarrassment doesn’t lapse into obscurity, some constant inside shiro remembers how much he adores a happy, laughing keith. it softens some of his pain – some – and so, he braves opening his eyes, only to be welcomed by a pinch to his cheek. the pout continues to keep, although the tension to those lips is more so to fight off the chagrin, though strangely fond smile.
and you lectured me on patience for years?
hey now! don’t bring his wholly necessary and entirely helpful lectures into this! he balks, pout interrupted on a sputter. ]
You needed it!
[ still do, from time to time, but keith has already moved on to spot their friend there across the way. shiro glances toward the plush and – hell, he’s finding his way back to the pout. keith’s skillful and resourceful; on the battlefield he’s deadly because he’ll fight tooth and nail with anything he has at his disposal. but an oversized plushie of a dick? shiro’s seen him bonk one person with it already. is shiro truly going to be the next victim?
he turns his attention to keith, eyes wider, sadder, more pathetically hopeful as he takes a cheap shot at keith’s weakness for him. ]
[ keith snorts, thoroughly amused. he won't outright deny that the lecrures were necessary, but not addressing the point still feels like a victory when he has shiro's indignantly adorable pouting for validation. it honestly doesn't make any sense that a guy with shiro's stature and bulk can even pull off cute, but sometimes the universe has hidden gems to treasure. ]
Of course you'd vote for that.
[ truly. shiro, the bastion of unbiased opinion. keith releases his cheek, smoothing over skin with his thumb before getting to his feet to take a deliberate, slow sep towards the dick plusj. ]
Reckon you've got about ... mmm fifteen steps or so to make your case, Shiro.
[ let it never be said that keith isn't a generous and fair soul. </small]
it's fine. they're fine and the babies will be fine.
[ oh. so it’s gonna be like that, eh? vaguely affronted that his attempt of puppy eyes proves to be entirely ineffectual – guess those eyes only work when they come from their namesake of an actual canine, hmph – shiro shelves that thought and quickly changes tactics. he stays seated on the bed, because of course that’s a rule in this made up game, but he scoots closer to the edge, chasing keith’s closeness to the allowed limit. ]
I’m very kissable.
[ this should be reason enough. he smiles a small, plush thing, hands gripping the mattress as he leans forward. again, body language a dead giveaway that he loathes keith putting any sort of distance between them. ]
I have soft lips and a very enthusiastic tongue. [ and now, for a hint of slyness. ] I know what you mean by kiss you more, too.
[ keith turns to face shiro, hands on his hips as he pauses mid-step. lips quirk with obvious amusement, even as he makes an earnest attempt to look like he's concentrating on the presented argument. never mind the fact that it's obvious to everyone in the room that, yes, keith finds his boyfriend rather kissable. ]
Uh-huh.
[ his lifts his gaze from shiro's mouth to his eyes, eyebrow raised. look, he's not even cringing at the more callout, despite still very much thinking his meaning had been obvious from the start. ]
I might've noticed a little that your lips are cute when you pout.
[ keith laughs, still a little lost on how shiro threads the needle between adorable and powerful. keith glances over his shoulder towards the plusj, sighing as if weighing out pros and cons for a life or death decision. that's all the levity shiro gets though before keith steps back in close, stopping in front of shiro when their knees knock. ]
You know.... you and the wolf are both my favorites to be around. But I only have one boyfriend. That's you.
[ he leans in, hands planted on either side of shiro's hips. ]
So. Do I get to say patience yields focus here?
i still laugh-cringe about them renting a hotel room to fight
[ does he now? because if keith’s noticing, then shiro can keep up the pouting. or not, because actually, it’s increasingly difficult to pout when keith’s laughing and pretending, hamming up an indecisiveness that they both know is complete bullshit. he overcompensates to outweigh the need to smile, sticking out his bottom lip as keith checks over his shoulder. but then eyes are back on him and akin to a pup, shiro perks up the millisecond keith eases into that first step.
yes, good, good, come closer. knees knock, but shiro can be helpful – just another reason as to why keith should kiss him – so he splits his thighs and empties the space, giving keith access and room if he wants it. not yet, it seems, and that’s fine, really, because keith’s leaning instead and calling shiro one of his favorites to be around. at least he doesn’t have to fight the space wolf on the boyfriend part. might have to for title of best boy, though.
later. he’ll figure out the imagined competition with the dog later, because right now, he’s currently winning and he’d like to enjoy taking a victory lap - or two, three – with keith. so he abandons the pouting altogether and smiles sweetly, face tipping as he arches up. ]
You can say it. [ shiro could probably benefit from being reminded of it. though, chances are low that he’ll adhere to it. ] And then you can kiss me.
[ shiro spreads his thighs and keith does his best not to be shy as he nudges in that half inch closer, leaning until his forehead is pressed against shiro's. this is far from his frist time dealing with intimacy, but whatever memo his heart should have gotten about that seems to have gotten lost in a void. with hammering in his chest and the weight of shiro's breath on his lips, keith closes his eyes and tries for one final attempt at nonchalance.. ]
Patience. Yields. Focus.
[ each word is emphasized with tiny breaks between, drawn out so keith can savor the role reversal. he opens his eyes, then huffs a quiet little laugh, the next couple of words mere whispers. ]
Guess I'm an old-timer now, too.
[ fate sealed, keith tops it off by finally pressing in to take that kiss shiro's been eager for. it's still chaste at first, but lingering and sweet. right around when keith would normally break away though, he swallows, gripping the sheets tight as he pushes himself into shiro's lap,.
true. they cant fight either with bitchface yowling
[ is that how it works? three magic words, acting as an initiation into old-timerhood? it’s silly and hilarious, so unbelievably corny that shiro almost believes this whole thing is a dream conjured up in his head. can’t be, of course, because the touch of lips is too electric for him to replicate. so is the weight that settles into his lap. keith’s all sweet and unhurried at his mouth, which is, frankly, at odds with the thighs that straddle him to bed knees past his hips. it’s agonizing, yet invigorating. tempered, yet teasing. he wants in an instant, but he reminds himself not to give in to the greed of his desire.
patience yields focus, yeah? there will be no rush to pull up shirts or undo zippers, neither will he force the lingering pressure of keith’s lips off as he tries for something deeper. not yet. they can indulge in the slow, carefulness of every moment, cataloging each in what is certain to be a memorable night. he will, however, start by touching his palms to keith’s waist, smoothing down to grasp him gently at the hips. then not so gently. he tightens to feel the fit and frame of him under fabric, thinking that he’s got such a gorgeous shape. an unbelievable shape, actually. he’s got a trim waistline and these lovely, yet narrow hips, and somehow, still has a round, firm, meaty backside. it’s weighty on his thighs and suddenly, shiro would like to know it better.
patience yields focus. right, patience. he’s supposed to be patient in this slow seduction. he knows it, he wants it that way, too, but his hands pull anyway, dragging keith by the hips the few inches left to get them crotch to crotch, that ass so close, but not there that it’s a touch maddening. he sucks at keith’s bottom lip and gives it a parting nip to make up for it, his mouth straying but not leaving as he kisses down to his jawline. ]
How you doin’?
[ a little slurred due to the muffling of his still busy mouth, shiro noses underneath the sharp angle of keith’s jaw and further still, to lick and nip at his neck. at least this is familiar. they’ve heavy petted and kissed just as heavy, leaving the occasional hickey. keith’s nervous, though. they both are. but shiro is quickly gaining ground in his confidence, losing himself as he ducks lower and starts sucking at his throat, a few inches higher than the set of his collarbone. the slide of his hand can’t be corralled either; left goes back and cups a cheek, shiro already delighted by how it fits in his hand when he squeezes. ]
yea can't have shiro distracted by pavlovian reflex to fetch doritos
[ no beats missed, shiro's hands are on him, supporting at first until they pull keith in all the way so that they're chest to chest, and hip to hip. it's a tiny adjustment, but that's still all it takes for his dick to twitch as shiro kisses back and then kisses low.
keith obediently tips his head back to grant his boyfriend greater access to his neck, and lets out a soft noise when lips move and suck. whatever thoughts keith had fizzle as he abandons his grip on the sheets to cradle the back of shiro's head with one, while the other idly scratches up shiro's thigh.
what can he say? the hickeys he'd seen on other cadets and inmates had always looked kinda stupid, but hypocrite that he is, having visible signs of shiro's affection on his body is something that never ceases to make him go a little doe eyed in private. does shiro feel the same way about that? the squeeze at his ass is momentarily derailing, keith gasping by shiro's ear. his own grip goes tight on quad then, squeezing -- not hard enough to bruise but temptation runs hot in his arteries. ]
Great.
[ sounding just a pinch dreamy, keith shifts enough to catch the shell of shiro's ear with his teeth to nip and whisper. ]
Didn't know I'd get a nice welcome reception for the old-timer life.
[ it's not what shiro meant, but keith can't help teasing all the same. he releases shiro's ear, purring a little through the gentle suction at his throat. ]
Should I be reminding you to be patient more often?
[ great is great. relieved that pesky nerves are out of the equation for now, shiro parts his lips a little wider to gather more skin and continues right on suckling. the nip at his ear has him sucking with more fervor, but then there’s the fanning of breath and a voice alight with teasing. disrupted with the need to laugh, shiro muffles the sound as best he can into keith’s neck. a valiant effort, perhaps, but with him abandoning his goal to render keith’s skin wet and pink, it’s no mystery that the joke worked like a charm.
he drops down further, both to get his ear away from the devastatingly effectiveness of that mouth and to press a kiss into the divot between his collarbones, just barely visible above the shirt’s collar. ]
You can. [ shiro loves seeing his lessons applied by others or in this case, his mantra adopted by his once protégé. he lifts his head, though stays bowed to look up at keith instead. there, he quirks a grin. ] Don’t expect me to be a devout follower, though.
[ he demonstrates this by giving keith’s ass another appreciative squeeze. goodness, it’s firm. some detail is, regretfully, lost with jean in the way, but the muscular shape of it is easy enough to discern. he doesn’t have to fill in any of the lost details with his imagination, though, does he? not tonight, because – ]
I’ve been patient. [ he sits up straighter and lifts his head. ] You’ve been patient. [ and a lean that’ll bump his nose to keith’s, nuzzling sweetly as metal fingers slot in between their bodies to pop the button of keith’s jeans. ] I think patient boys should be rewarded now.
[ the spirit of that is something that easily gets keith to laugh. how can he not appreciate when shiro gets a pinch defiant when told to be a patient boy? but it's true. they've both been patient -- or perhaps more specifically, shiro has been patient. keith has been oscillating between want and worry.
intimacy with shiro is both a tantalizing prospect and a daunting one. for starters, shiro may have seen him naked before, aroused even, but not in a way that would lead to questions about his cock. since being in prison, he knows from experience that most don't bother to question it beyond a few curious glances, but frankly shiro's opinion actually matters. compound that with keith's own stubborn refusal to deal with sexuality in a healthy manner and there's so much that could go wrong.
it won't go wrong is what keith automatically tells himself, but with the button of his pants now open , he misses his cue to banter after he laughs. the silence is brief but awkward as keith turns a little shy in shiro's lap. should he be telling shiro about his dick? he's wondered before, but mentally aborted the train of thought when descriptors like bumpy sounded far too fucking awful to manifest into reality. unsurprisingly, having his boyfriend's hand ready to undress him does not provide a jolt of poetic inspiration. he clears his throat. ]
Yeah?
[ fuck. tongue tied, keith tries to distract from that by dragging his hand down low to the hem of shiro's shirt. another beat, the he flips up the fabric to rest his palm flat on abs. it's not the first time he's touched shiro this way, but there's a distinctly exploratory quality to his touch. almost contemplative really before keith brings his other hand down and starts to lift the hem of the shirt up to start pulling the shirt up and over shiro's head. ]
That mean I get to do whatever I want?
[ within reason, of course, but the question is more tease than serious. ]
shhhh let's not think of bitchface and huey in the bad au...
[ the break in their building banter is obvious. keith goes shy as the laughter fades and shiro holds his breath a few beats longer than what feels natural. too much? should he have waited? perhaps he really should have heeded his defining proverb. so his hand doesn’t immediately drop to the zipper once the button is through the loop. it’s not even that long of a pause, but the following yeah doesn’t restore his confidence, either. what does is keith touching him back. shiro’s belly trembles through a beat as he expels breath and falls into a more familiar rhythm. confidence builds and shiro is nothing but cooperative as he lifts his arms as required.
he’s better about his body these days. sure, some days he refuses to catch even a glimpse of himself in the full-length mirrors in the locker rooms, while others he spends too much time surveying every patch of knitted skin, but overall, he’s lost the luxury of being self-conscious about what others think of him. even then, it’s not so much other people that shiro cares about. the only opinion that matters anymore is whether or not keith finds him attractive. acceptable. and he does. he’s seen the worst of his body on display and still wants to try this thing between them, so he shouldn't be nervous or doubtful.
it’s a reassuring thought that shiro mostly believes and one that carries him through the moments of the shirt being worked up and pulled off. bare, there’s a rush of vulnerability that has shiro tensing, but it’s a brief, nothing thing. one full breath and he smiles on the exhale, voice playful for the quip back. ]
Or have whatever you want done to you.
[ keith will be getting a brief ride here because shiro’s thighs start moving in small, slight jerks. he’s taking off his shoes. one foot digs into the heel of the other shoe, working it off, before repeating the action to the other. throughout, shiro holds onto keith’s hips with one hand, the other still at his fly, fingering the button. ]
For example… [ shoes dealt with, he stills his legs once more. the whole thing only seems to brighten his mood and so, his voice remains light and teasing, all said through an ever widening grin. ] I could suck you off. All you have to do is say the word.
[ keith should really be desensitized to seeing shiro shirtless by now. again, they've been naked in each other's presence often enough that keith can roughly map out each scar cut into his boyfriend's body, but the knowledge isn't enough to keep his stomach from twisting up with anxious anticipation. seeing is one thing, but getting to touch is newer and each time he gets to brush fingers gently over skin, keith swears his own skin tingles in tandem.
ridculous, maybe? but with the shirt gone, keith's touch is gentle when he sets his hands on shiro's shoulders. ... and then not so much when he's jostled from beneath. keith laughs, grip tightening then loosening up in quick measur with twin coaxing squeezes. shiro really is determined to be impatient today, huh? honestly, it's kind of thrilling despite his low key concerns.
the counteroffer is what what makes keith's laughter turn shy again though, considering. anything he wants? fuck, where does he even start with that. aphro fueled experiences are best left unexamined, but that leaves him with all his times with anon. his mostly non-verbal exchanges with anon, that is. towards the end, he'd merely presented the part s of his body he wanted touched and hoped anon knew what he was getting at. anon had always been good at figuring it out, but then again it's sex not rocket science.
mercifully, shiro spares him from actually having to articulate much of anything. the offer of a blow is all but pushed into his lap and keith can't help going a little pink and doe eyed about it, stupidly virginal despite the fact that he's had his dick sucked before.
it's just .... he's never been asked explicitly. it's new and weirdly enough -- kind of hot. caught wanting to laugh at himself, keith huffs, stifles it and settles himself by squeezing shior's shoulders another time as he nods. ]
.. Open sesame? [ ... ] Wait.. That's two words.
[ flustering, keith hangs his head. ]
You know what I mean.
[ fuck. don't tell him he's already messing up this whole "sexy" thing. ]
[ annnnnnd back to nervous. the confidence comes and goes with keith, and it’s fine, shiro doesn’t mind holding his hand through one moment to the next, reassuring him in his desire. it’s just… shiro is also trying to keep up the façade that he continually has it together. it goes without saying that shiro wants this to be good for keith. better than good. great. mind blowing. so unbelievably special that there will be no room for doubts moving forward. goodness knows they’ve had enough of those. the doubt has largely been sowed by shiro himself, but that was before and this is now. and now, shiro is very intent on making things work for them.
least to say, it’s a lot of pressure he’s putting on himself. the wait has only given him time to set his expectations high and he just… hopes he’s able to rise to the challenge and meet them.
he laughs to keith’s fumbling, the sound soft and his smile fond as not to scare this skittish thing off. he gives keith’s hip an answering squeeze and then ducks down to push his face into keith’s line of sight. he nuzzles in again, using the brunt of his nose to nudge against keith in short, upward sweeps, coaxing him to lift his head. ]
I do.
[ know what he means. he laughs again, and muffles it soon enough by pressing a gentle kiss to keith’s mouth. he lingers for a time and then slowly deepens the pressure and wets the connection with parted lips. thorough and indulgent, he tries to sap the tension with a play of lips and tongue, inevitably breaking away for a shallow breath and a heated: ]
Can’t wait to have you in my mouth.
[ a parting, playful nip at his upper lip and then shiro leans back some, grin holding a boyish sort of confidence. ]
You’re gonna have to get off me, though. I’m not that flexible.
[ it's in these moments where shiro picks him up so effortlessly when keith falters that everything feels right. it's been years that they've been there for each other, supporting and encouraging the best from each other and even though the context has changed, the path they're on now feels like the natural continuation of who they are for eahch other.
keith's heart swells as they kiss from chaste to a slow taste of moremore with shiro. tht image he paints right there at the end of shiro suckingand adoring his cock? it makes keith keith moan a little into the kiss, the shiver going straight to his cock when shiro parts with a nip.
right around here when his dick is dangerously on the verge of firming up is where they'd have called it quits normally. talking dirty, and egging each other on is a new part of the boyfriend repertoire that keith hasn't mastered yet and hasn't ever attempted with anyone else. does he know how to suck a thick dick? sure. can he take one without panicking? of course..
can he be sexy and flirt and all the other things that go hand in hand with intimate relations? it's a big ask, and keith winds up going a little shy in his laughter. ]
Right.
[ ...right. a beat then keith untangles his limbs and carefully hops on the floor, hands on his hips as he draws down the zipper of his jeans. he swallows nervously, hesitating and delaying by shuffling to get his feet out of his sneakers and then stepping on the ends of his sockss one after another to get his feet free. ]
How flexible are you anyway? Do I get to see?
[ the question is casual enough, helped by a healthy dose of genuine curiosity. even so, keith doesn't quite look shiro in the eye as he pulls his shirt up over, tosses it to the side and then finally hooks his fingers in the waistband of his jeans and boxers and pulls both down. a good amount of nervousness keeps his dick from being entirely hard, keeping all ridgey bits hidden but he doubts that'll stay true for long. resisting the urge to squirm, keith steps out of the puddle of his jeans and underwar and comes to stand in front of shiro. ]
And uh... how do you want me?
[ standing? on the bed? bent into a pretzel? ]
i pictured the pokestation perfectly in my brain & started laughing, i want you to know that
[ shiro’s flexible. flexible enough to do high kicks in full armor, as well as tuck, roll, springs that even a seasoned acrobatic would be impressed by. he’s surprisingly limber despite all his bulk, and yet, it’s right about now that shiro realizes that he doesn’t much apply it in bed. why would he? he’s the one driving the cock. it’s the other boy that he is testing with the split of his thighs and the curl of his spine. ]
If you’re good.
[ it’s an appeasing comment, one said with a lazy smile, despite him inwardly turning the comment over and over, trying to understand it himself. does keith want to test his flexibility like shiro tests flexibility? does he want to push his legs up and see if he can get his knees to his ears? they had that brief hiccup on the walk back from the carnival; it’s not all that unlikely that, initially, keith had pictured shiro as the one laid out, legs pulled back to present his hole. they sorted it out for tonight, but maybe keith will want that eventually. is shiro okay with doing that eventually?
as always, he sticks a pin in that neverending debate, knowing that going far-eyed and distracted while keith is stripping right in front of him, will do nothing good for keith’s confidence. it isn’t all that difficult for shiro to tell himself to refocus, either. the shirt is off and keith is, in a word, pretty. creamy skin, strong shoulders, tapered torso that leads to a tiny waist. he’s gorgeous. this would be a good time for shiro to join in the undressing – get it out of the way, right? – but his hands remain in his lap and his gaze stays, blinking slow in a dazed, yet wholly appreciative way as more and more parts of keith’s body are revealed.
when everything is stripped away and keith is standing in front of him bare, vulnerable, and nervous, shiro isn’t immediate in his reassurance. the silence stretches one beat, two beat longer than an answer calls for, but then lashes flutter and his blinks a few times, as though coming to. he drags his gaze up, over that cute bellybutton, between those half-dimes, and to that pair of beautiful eyes. he quirks a grin. ]
Sorry. Needed a moment. You’re kind of breathtaking.
[ he scoots forward to sit on the very edge of the bed. keith may not be hard yet, but shiro is; the way the pants pull during the scoot uncomfortable, but easily ignorable, because shiro’s busy framing keith’s hips with his hands. he leans in, bending down and kisses the junction of his right thigh. ]
Come lie on the bed for me. [ he lifts his head, looking up the length of keith’s body again to find his gaze, only to back off and look away, nodding toward the pillows at the head. ] Want you to be comfortable while I rock your world.
[ wouldn’t do either of them any good for keith to be standing there, knees buckling. ]
[ if you're good. this is the second time shiro has deflected the topic away from his own body and redirected to keith. is it meant to be teasing? relaxing? hell, is it even intentional? keith's head swims a little with uncertain possibilities as shiro eyes him up and down. it's -- fuck. anon must've done this too, but it hits differently when keith can so obviously see shiro's gaze lingering at each part of his body -- appraising? no. approving.
they lock eyes and keith's heart very stupidly skips a beat, face warming and moony. breathtaking. shiro thinks he's breathtaking. a little giddy, and plenty flustered by the sweetness of the compliment, keith laughs only to hiccup mid-sound as shiro leans in to mouth at his thigh. breath hitching, keith fidgets, fingers pushing down the base of his dick as it twitches as if to catch shiro's attention. plumping faster, ridges slowly start to take shape as his cock fills out. wanting to bask in the uncomplicated attention just a few seconds longer, keith keeps his hand partly covering the problem appendage. ]
You're breathtaking. You literally took it just now..
[ punctuating the banter with with a playful squeeze of shiro's bicep, keith releases after a beat. ]
It's nice... being able to tell you that.
[ more than nice, but keith isn't consciously downplaying. in fact, it's more that he's tongue tied and has a stomach full of butterflies. so before he jams his foot in his mouth again, keith clambers up onto the bed as instructed and positions himself on his side, face partly smooshed into the pillow as he rolls to face shiro. there, he delicately traces a line down his boyfriend's back, dragging fingertip over whole and scarred skin alike. ]
Sp you'll make me even more comfortable if you take everything off before getting in bed with me, Shiro.
[ he continues to be rather shy. it’s sweet and adorable, even given the context, but shiro would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to stripping keith of that self-consciousness, to the point that keith freely holds his hands back, widens his legs and bares everything for shiro to gawk at. patience yields focus. perhaps keith was onto something by trying to drill his own mantra into his lizard brained head. for now, shiro is good in that he doesn’t try brushing keith’s hand away. he doesn’t even try to take a peek of keith’s dick. patience yields focus, he tells himself again, smiling up at keith throughout.
but then keith is on the bed and shiro gets a very generous view of keith’s voluptuous backside as he crawls and clambers across the bedding. below those asscheeks and between those thighs, there’s the bob of keith’ cock, and for the briefest of moments, shiro catches an unintentional glimpse. it’s too quick and too partially hidden for him to truly understand it, but something inside him does. all at once, there’s a slight, burgeoning apprehension in the pit of his stomach.
but then keith is rolled over and shiro’s gaze is up where it should be, once again doing the courteous boyfriend thing of not staring at the anatomy that has keith particularly nervous. he understands; afterall, this will be the first time he'll be seeing keith hard. feeling and glimpsing it through his pants isn’t quite the same, so this is a monumental moment and one that shiro is intent on respecting. ]
Oh, will I? [ his grin is good-humored and crooked, flashed over his shoulder. ] I do want you comfortable, so… okay, if that’s what you want.
[ such a big ask, heh. reluctantly separating him from the exploration of keith’s fingertip, shiro stands. he’s already got his fly open by the time he turns around to face the bed. down go the pants and boxer-briefs in one go. if he truly were a patient man, he’d indulge keith in a slower, more deliberate strip. but unfortunately, shiro’s lacking the finesse as he tears his feet free from each pant leg, socks following shortly thereafter. with that, he’s on the bed and crawling, situating himself in close. ]
I’d ask you if you like what you see, but I think it’s pretty obvious…
[ has he been good long enough? patient long enough? can he look now? he touches his hand to keith’s hip and gives an experimental nudge, finding no resistance. encouraged, he leads keith through a roll onto his back. and then he drags his gaze down; down from keith’s face, over his sternum, through the contours of his abdominals and there, to the jut of his pelvis where his cock is…
not normal. familiarly abnormal. ] Oh, fuck. [ it slips out of him on the exhale that seemingly punches out of him. he’d made the comparisons in his head, all the while assuring himself it was nothing more than his desire for keith hijacking the situation and giving too much life to his fantasies. as much as he’d wanted keith, he hadn’t wanted him like that. not actually. but… he did? he has? because there’s too many similarities in his head now: the voice, the shape of his body, the birthmark, the timing of an identical transformation. now he has a dick with multiple ridges that he is silently counting in his head. same number, similar if not the same length, thickness, color…
[ the striptease is barely a tease, but keith watches with wide, fascinated eyes. shiro's a sight to behold with his solid, defined build and when his hard cock finally comes into view, keith actually gapes. he's only ever been familiar with the straining outline of it, or when shiro had simply been naked but not aroused. imagination does a lot of work without keith's permission though, and seeing shiro bare and wanting for the first time, keith's heart does another flutter, his own cock twitching harder.
if his lizard brain weren't so fucking immensely preoccupied, perhaps keith would have had greater presence of mind to wonder about the vague familiarity -- but then again, just how much variation can there really be to big dicks anyway? but more damningly, when shiro rolls him onto his back, keith goes willingly and lets his hand fall to the side.
cock now thick and ridged, it bounces up to meet shiro's gaze. even so, keith is sincerely hopeful enough about shiro's willingness to accept him that he simply exhales and offers up a shy smile. one look at shiro's face and that smile wilts. panic overtakes keith as he hurriedly sits up and covers his crotch. ]
I- if you don't like it, you don't have to...
[ touch? put it in his mouth? interact? keith fumbles, eyes darting towards the pile of his clothes on the floor. he should've seen this coming. shiro had made his reluctance to engage with alien anatomy abundantly clear back when keith was more galra looking, but how was keith supposed to mitigate this?
well. the answers are clearer in retrospect. he could have gently guided shiro's hand down to his cock while there were still clothes in the picture and invited the guy to explore with his hand, but it's far too late for that now. mortified and kicking himself, keith lets out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping with his disappointment. ]
[ the window of opportunity to avert disaster is rapidly closing. there are steps, however. necessary moments, that shiro has to cycle through in order to get to that ever promising faucet of acceptance. there’s, what, five, six stages to grief? well, there's a similar amount to my boyfriend is kinkier than i thought. shock and denial are in quick succession, almost in tandem with each other. he counters the denial without even trying though, those damn similarities stacking easily, to the point that they’re too strong to refute. horror comes next, with him staring wide-eyed, still, at keith’s crotch – or the vicinity of it, since the boy has once again begun shielding it with his hands.
he’s two stages behind but keith is accelerating toward his own goal of averting disaster. whereas shiro is slogging through the gridlock of his brain to come to terms with the fact that he’s sexed up his best friend long before he had any allowance to, keith’s solution is to simply leave. he hasn’t moved to do as much, but shiro knows him; before he’s even said anything, his body speaks for him. it’s in the droop of his shoulders and the way he seemingly deflates, beaten up and broken down with disappointment.
shit.
get there faster, he tells himself. stop hinging on the fact that keith is so clearly outside the realm of what is deemed normal and vanilla. so what if keith likes to hide his identity and fuck? shiro does, too. they are the same. perhaps their reasons are even similar. the problem here though, is that shiro knows his own limitations. he fucked around with anonymity, yes, but only with one person in some watered down version of a relationship. has keith frequented other locations? other partners? how into this kink is keith, really?
i should go.
there it is. shiro isn’t there yet. he still somewhere between horror and reconciliation, but he panics in the moment, immediately exclaiming: ]
No! [ before he knows it, his own hand is on keith’s shoulder, not quite pushing him down, but firm enough to prevent him from shifting anywhere. swallowing in the following beat, shiro composes himself for a less rushed: ] No, you should stay.
[ gaze on keith’s face now, shiro tries to bolster his expression into something more encouraging. ]
I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting… [ you to be into being fucked through a door…? he grimaces, gaze dropping for a beat, before he remembers himself to force it back to keith’s face. ] There’s nothing wrong with it. I was surprised, but I’m fine, uhm… now.
[ the grip on his shoulder and sudden exclamation make keith flinch. the alarm is short-lived, but his heart continues to beat far too fast for comfort. his gaze flicks towards shiro for one beat, then next it's back on the pile of clothes on the floor. keith doesn't make any attempt to push shiro away, but eye contact just isn't happening.
how can it?
this isn't the first time that he's shown his dick to others, but it is by far the worst reaction it's received. not even lance of all people had reacted this strongly, though perhaps in part because keith had given him advance warning. ... and quite possibly the guy wanted to fuck a mermaid so it's not like abnormal genitals were ever a serious turn off.
heat continues to burn keith's cheeks and ears, despite the reassurance. of course there's nothing wrong with his cock, it's just .... keith hangs his head. ]
Listen. If this is a dealbreaker like how women are for you, you don't have to try to like me. I know you're not ..... you know. Into aliens like that.
[ fuck fuck fuck. the word is just going to be stuck on repeat in his head. he keeps his hand on keith throughout, both to ground him to this moment in which he feels wholly unmoored and to ensure that keith doesn’t make a dive for his clothes. he doesn’t quite trust that he’s appeased keith enough to prevent him from wanting to extract himself the moment shiro lets him go. though maybe he should; maybe it’s cruel of him to corner keith into staying like this. no. cruel would be him allowing keith to leave with things so murky and misrepresented.
that begs the question though: how clear does shiro want to be in explaining what the issue is?
he swallows, thinking of what coming clean would be like. it had taken him weeks, months to fully accept that he craved those hookups with anonymous. what if keith thinks of him differently as a result? what if he becomes the one freaking out? ]
It’s not a dealbreaker.
[ biding his time, he takes the cowardly option of weaving around the actual issue, hoping that he can set things right without dragging keith into this with him. he just needs time. time to come to terms with it himself. then he’ll break it to keith… when he himself knows how to process it. so he repeats: ]
I was surprised and I didn’t handle it well. [ understatement, if keith is currently putting himself in the same category as women in terms of shiro's level of disinterest. sighing, he turns more toward keith, touching his free hand to one of keith’s forearms. ] But I still want this and I still want you… unless I’ve turned you off so badly that you don’t want me…?
[ the hand at his forearm makes keith's gaze shift away from his clothes. he doesn't feel much calmer, but he wills it with deeper, slow breaths and gives his tense shoulders a roll. the question is absurd because of course he wants shiro, but there's no denying that his cock has gone soft in the midst of this panic.
he keeps his eyes on shiro's hand for a long beat before finally looking up at his boyfriend, expression a blend of sheepish, shy and hopeful. ]
I always want you.
[ it's a complicated kind of want, and not one that keith is always sure he wants to examie. porn prison fuckery has somehow brought the two of them together, despite the breaks in space-time or by plucking them from alternate realities. whatever the case, there's a shiro back home with white hair and a missing arm who's more than millions of light-years away. even when they're together, it's like they don't know how to talk to each other anymore.
clones, death and being replaced have a way of doing that, keith supposes.
this shiro may not be his shiro - or maybe he is? either way, when keith looks at him, he feels less adrift, less alone in the world. like maybe their bond can survive the war in some way, despite the hurt and confusion rhwy're all enduring..
keith blinks, then clears his throat. thinking about all this is the last thing he ought to be doing when it only opens up chasms in his chest, huh? he looks away briefly to gather himself then offers up a shy smile as he leans in close, shifting the hand on his crotch away to instead perch on shiro's hip. ]
Guess I should have warned you. I just... don't know how to talk about it.. In a way that doesn't sound super weird and unsexy.
[ … ah, shit. it’s odd to find himself feeling guilty all of a sudden, but having keith look at him like that, all the while saying he always wants him is… humbling. devastating. he’s such a sweetheart, with the kind of steadfast affection that, sometimes, leaves shiro feeling winded. right now is one of those moments. his lungs quiver and his breath hitches, his own expression going sweet and besotted, so thoroughly seduced by something that shouldn’t read wholesome as they both sit here ass naked. but that’s what shiro is: seduced. not just in body but in heart and mind, as well. it has him bending under the weight of guilt and truth, all prior certainty that he’d carry the knowledge of anonymous’ identity to another time, perhaps even to his grave, dispersing and once again leaving him at the beginning, to wonder if he should come clean now.
keith does deserve to know, he supposes. when neither of them knew – no, he didn’t need to know. but now that shiro has stumbled into this knowledge, the imbalance is too great to ignore. it’s wrong otherwise, for shiro to proceed by pleasing this boy while keith thinks this is the very first time. if keith is going to be with him, he has to make that decision with the full picture.
… god, shiro hopes he still wants to be with him after this. just – he broke a door. and he’s pretty sure he took his virginity, only to throw a fit about it later. and he left him that one time to go give “other” him a thirty minute orgasm. oh, fuck, he also ghosted him.
his head is beginning to hurt. he’s grimacing, eyes shuttering as every moment together pieces together, overlapping the two separate lives. as disruptive as this known identity is, it also explains a lot of things. like keith walking with a slight limp after a fuck with anonymous. like keith’s voice being hoarse after anonymous mouth spent a good portion of their hook up deepthroating. like how – okay no, he’s getting sidetracked.
keith leans in and shiro instantly forces what he hopes is a convincing smile when keith offers a shy one his way. he’s not covering his crotch anymore; that’s a good sign. what isn’t is that keith has completely lost all those lovely ridges, his arousal completely drained out of him. shiro swallows back the urge to sigh miserably, the facade of that smile cracking a little more. ]
You can talk to me about anything. [ at least that’s genuine in pitch and meaning. he leans in further to peck keith’s forehead, though it’s mostly just hair he gets and then he leans back to look at him again. ] Just like I can talk to you about anything.
[ it’s difficult at times but shiro has gotten better about that. he’s talked of his time as a prisoner, his fears, his insecurities… and he supposes he’s about to talk about kinks. there’s an obvious beat of hesitation as he wrestles his cooperativeness into actually making his mouth form words. ]
In fact, I think there’s something I need to talk to you about right now.
[ the touch and kiss are both reassuring. those words, however, are not. ]
Oh.
[ the quiet syllable escapes before keith can think better of it. likewise, hhis eyes go a little wide and startled before keith is able to properly button down the trepidation. judging from shiro's tone and serious expression, whatever he has to say can't be any god, which begs the question of what exactly needs to be disclosed specifically before sex.
for better or for worse, one possible answer comes relatively quickly. if they need to talk about something serious prior to sex, then it's likely an std, right? again before keith can think better of it, his gaze shifts down to shiro's cock before blinking back up at his boyfriend's face.
what good exactly does staring at dick do when dealing with possible alien stds that may not manifest externally? flustering keith stammers: ]
[ okay. he probably could have eased into this with a more comforting flare. between keith’s dismal oh and the startled look upon his face, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that shiro’s making this exceedingly more difficult than it needs to be. remedy tactic number one: take keith’s hands in his. remedy tactic number two: smile encouragingly. ]
Yeah. Everything is fine.
[ everything is not fine. he’s freaking out. there’s a clatter in his chest and a sweatiness to his nape. he’s far too warm in the face, too, which is only aiding in that overheated, panicky feeling zipping through him. he draws a breath, trying to steady his composure. ]
It’s just… okay.
[ it’s so easy. one sentence, two sentences max and he could clear this up: i’m the anonymous penpal you used to meet up with at the house up by the pool, i’m sorry i just figured it out myself, hence the reaction to your dick, which is lovely by the way. instead, he mucks it up by trying to gently lay the groundwork of the revelation. ]
I’ve wanted you for a long time. I fought it for just as long because I’m a bit of a fool. But even then, I used to fantasize about you when I was with someone else. When we were together, I’d like to pretend that he was you. But it turns out I didn’t need to pretend.
[ he gives his hands twin squeezes, not at all comprehending that he isn’t making any sort of sense. ]
[ it's with some effort that shiro gets his demeanor to shift, though it doesn't wholly dispel the way keith has himself convinced he has to brace for some weird news. if everything's fine, then there wouldn't be a need to make a fuss about it in the first place, right?
so maybe it's not an std, but clearly it's something embarrassing if the way shiro's gone red-faced has anything to say about it. keith is out of guesses though, and soon finds himself pulled down an equally bizarre rabbit hole wherein shiro is seemingly confessing to thinking about him while banging other men -- toji and whoever else, and keith is once again unable to keep his degree of perplexion off his face. it hits in waves, really. shiro never talks about the other guys he's with, never mind the sorts of fantasies he has. keith's barely shifted through the ugly jealous possessiveness that flares to life when the last bombshell drops. ]
What?
[ blurted out and thoroughly ill-advised, keith pulls back somewhat to get a better look at shiro's face. there's enough bullshit that goes on in porn prison that the meaning doesn't even register immediately. ]
How was Toji me, exactly?
[ the question is entirely nonsensical, but keith doesn't know how else to parse this conundrum. ]
[ between the two of them, the one with the fixation on toji isn’t shiro. a one time fling, done entirely through a device, and still, half a year later, the name is brought up like shiro had a relationship with the dude. for all shiro knows, that guy finished out his sentence and went home, that’s how little he thinks of him. in fact, the only time shiro does think of him is in moments like this. least to say, he’s blindsided and thrown, expression slacking with confusion. ]
… What?
[ so a bit of echoing going on here. he doesn’t want to give into the exasperation just begging to take over and he tries, really tries not to become frustrated with having that blasted name thrown in his face, again, especially when shiro is trying to explain something of importance here. blame the fact that he’s already agitated and nervous for the way he lets go of keith’s hands, sighing at keith’s ability to not only misunderstand, but to jump to a completely unrelated topic. ]
[ confusion detonates when it's met with shiro's exasperated judgment. keith flusters all the more, scooting further back like physical distance will lend greater perspective. surprising nobody at all, it doesn't.
keith blurts, clearly chagrined and a pinch defensive. ]
How am I not supposed to get Toji from that?! You said you were fantasizing about me while you were with some other guy and that it tirmed out to be me, but we've -- you and I, we never --
[ the thought dies mid-sentence. going down the list of everyone keith has ever been intimate with, keith can safely say that he's never consciously beem with shiro in any capacity other than that deeply awkward time following his punishment with the sexbots.
putting aside that labelling that as "being together" in the first place is suspect, that can't possibly be what shiro's referencing here, right? so what does that leave? unconsciously being with shiro? there are certainly enough drugs going around prison that this could easily be facilitated with a fucked up concoction of hypnotic and anesthetic, but if shiro knew about that then this wouldn't be the time to bring that up, right?
hell. to think less than a minute ago, keith was here braced for some reveal about space stds. is this better or worse? still getting an eyeful of judgment, keith looks away -- rethinking this whole thing.
there aren't too many guys he's been with. in fact, it's down to just lance and anon. shiro is obviously not lance which leaves ... the absurd implication that anon is shiro. it's so ridiculous, in fact, that keith winds up looking at shiro again, brow wrinkled up with confusion and judgment.
this is shiro. his best friend. his best friend who can't possibly be into choking guys with his dick at the library or fucking them through holes in doors and especially isn't into sleeping with aliens. okay, admittedly keith has little to no insight into shiro's private sex life, but still. the guy that had wanted to take things slowly to make sure things felt right between them can't possibly be so impatient and horny that he'll literally bang a door off its hinges to sink a dick in an extra half inch, right?
rimming. metal arm. large cock. pale skin. strong physique. that time he thought he might've heard his name, but was way too out of it to be sure.
the counter evidence lines up shot after shot, as keith's staring takes a distinct dive south to take a hard look at shiro's cock. identifying anyone by their dick seems like some fucked up porny scooby doo bullshit, but that doesn't stop keith from squinting at the head and girth like he's doing some rudimentary volumetric analysis of how it might fit in his mouth.
he looks up again, and this time his face isn't flushed with embarrassment. rather, his voice has gotten thick with incredulity. ]
[ if shiro weren’t currently having heart palpations and stress-induced cotton-mouth, he’d find this fascinating. this being the progression of keith’s deduction skills. shiro can practically hear the wheels turning in his head. he certainly can see each shift in his thinking, with the way keith looks this way and that, an assortment of emotions playing across his features from confusion to denial to suspicion to apprehension. when that scrutiny lands on his cock, shiro fights the impulse to steal a move from keith’s playbook and cover his crotch. he squirms, once, simply because it eases his nervousness for a grand total of one tick and then resettles, letting keith gawk and critique for however long he needs to.
turns out, it isn’t much longer after that.
keith looks up, locks eyes and… – god, it was a mistake to let go of his hands, because now shiro’s are empty. meaning, he doesn’t know what to do with them as his own apprehension spikes. fiddling his thumb and fingers together in each hand, his pinches and rolls the pads together, soon shifting to hooking his thumbnails on that of his middle fingers to make this soft, repetitive clicking sounds.
this is it. this is his last opening to laugh, smile, and say something half-convincing to divert them from the truth of their history. he’s surprisingly cowardly when it comes to keith, at least in terms of maintaining the strength of their bond, so he almost takes it. he almost takes the out.
but he presses his lips together on a grimace and composes himself after a glance down at the sheets. the fiddling with his nails has stopped and once again at a loss of what to occupy his hands with, he ends up self-soothing with a palm to his nape, rubbing back and forth as he looks to keith once more. slowly, he nods. just once. and then: ]
I'm anonymous. [ a beat. ] You know, with the smileys.
[ shiro fidgets and each nervous twitch rachets up the roiling snese of unease. even more damning than that? shiro isn't immediately refuting or asking for clarification. the guy knows exactly what's on keith's mind and the reason he would know one of keith's most closely guarded secrets here can only come down to them sharing it.
confirmation of what keith suspects doesn't take much longer to manifest. the nod somehow has all the gravitas of receiving a death sentence and keith flails all the way back until his head hits the headboard. the sound of skull bumping hard against wood isn't a pleasant sound, but keith doesn't even seem to notice. ]
It was you?!
[ processing that in any meaningful way is impossible. thoughts crumble and morph like he's being spun thorugh a kaleidoscope and nothing he says follows any coherence either chronologically or by actual significance. arguably the only good to come of this is the fact that he misses the implication of shiro's emphasis on qualifying who anonymous even is ]
You snuck out of the cube to hook up with me?You're the one who was jerking off in the library?? [ his voice pitches ever higher as his incredulity grows to a fever pitch. ] You - you're the one who ghosted me? And put on a chainsmoker voice??
[ breathe, breathe, breathe. keith stares mouth agape, still clearly waiting for a punchline. ]
I thought you were gonna tell me you caught space crabs or something, Shiro.
[ shiro does his very best not to flinch. his own reaction hadn’t been much better – oh fuck had been worse – so he can’t exactly fault keith for the exclamation. the head bonk, though? his teeth are gritted and his eyebrows are knitted, his expression radiating a certain level of pain. he should probably check that, even though keith is barreling on unfazed. unfazed by smacking himself, that is. he’s spiraling out of control on the revelation and shiro tries to keep up with him, but there are so many questions, each one as damning as the last.
he means to defend himself. really, he does. but he’s being, of all things, polite. sympathetic, too. he doesn’t cut keith off, because frankly, he’s part convinced that keith will explode if he doesn’t get the words out, what with the way his voice is pitching higher than he’s ever heard it before. so he keeps to patience and self-soothes his own skyrocketing anxiety by ticking off the answers in his head.
yes, he snuck out because he was incredibly horny for keith but didn’t think he could have keith yet. yes, he jerked off in the library but only due to that damn librarian spraying him with aphro. yes, he ghosted him… to be faithful to him. yes, he used a – wait, chainsmoker voice?
it derails him for a moment and it’s why he doesn’t take the opening as keith stares agape. regret kicks in instantly. ]
Space crabs – no! [ him? infected? what kind of sex life does keith think he leads!? nevermid that, even. what kind of person does he think he is? ] I wouldn’t… – if I had something, which I don’t, I wouldn’t wait until we’re in bed naked to tell you.
[ talk about an instant mood killer – and a bit of a dick move to drop that bombshell right into his unclothed lap.
… though. is the end result much different from where they are now? hands both empty again, he gestures nonsensically with them, mostly to keep himself from reaching for keith. ]
I didn’t know you were anonymous. Not until… [ don’t look. don’t look. don’t – okay, he looked, brows raising. not that it’s, you know, it’s very unique and identifying shape right now. ]
[ listen, keith would never have argued that shiro is the kind of guy that would do that, sinply that his imagination hadn't come up with alternative explanations for what shiro's mysterious lead in to this conversation could have been. where he'd been pale moments before, embarrassment is quick to catch up and flood his face a burning scarlet.
of course he's not going to contest anything about space crabs. in fact, with the incredulity starting to drain out of his soul, keith simply follows shiro's gaze down to .... ah yes, his flaccid dick. keith groans, knees coming up in some attempt to shield that from view while he buries his face in his hands.
this whole time. this whole fuckng time, the mystery person with the incredible dick on the other side had been shiro. it doesn't matter that there's corroborating evidence to make that fact irrefutable, keith's entire being refuses to accept it. instead, little flashes of their encounters play in his mind, every wet noise he'd made, every time he lapped and sucked at that dick like it was spilling ambrosia into his mouth, the way he clung to the chair while anon fucked orgasms out of his ass and -- ]
Mmmrgh....
[ the nooise is distilled mortification. keith had never wanted shiro to see him that way. naked, shy and trying things together was never meant to ruined by the mutual knowledge of being bent over, hole presented through punched out doors. or tainted with images of slick pouring from his ass or him blabbering stupidly during an endless orgasm.
nobody was supposed to see any of these facets of things keith has only started to accept about himself. he sags low against the headboard, shoulders rounding until he's almost in the fetal position. ]
... I think I need a weblum to come swallow me whole right about now.
[ this is going well. perhaps the better option would’ve been to take this to his grave afterall. no; he backtracks over that doubt immediately. it’s better in the long run that shiro’s upfront. they’ll get through this, shiro only needs to keep to his patience and wait it out. it’s encouraging, at least, that keith has yet to show any form of disgust or anger. shock, yes. incredulity, yes. inability to process the seemingly impossible, yes. but keith’s quickly losing sight of shiro altogether to instead turn in on himself.
he’s embarrassed. it’s an obvious thought, one that doesn’t need specific recognition, but shiro finds himself pausing on it, watching, vaguely fascinated, as keith hides in his hands. he begins to sink and sink against the headboard and it’s – huh, not funny, but considering shiro was bracing for more accusations and even keith storming out of here, the relief he feels is easily mistaken as something far lighter. thankfully, it isn’t so potent that he makes the mistake of settling into his relief with a bit of laughter. his voice does, however, take on a softer tone, alit with burgeoning confidence. ]
Hey… none of that. This isn’t the end of the world.
[ the mattress dips as shiro rearranges himself on it, putting himself against the headboard. he gathers keith and manually moves him himself to get him sitting up, where shiro is quick to loop his arm around him to hug him into his side. ]
This could even be a… uh, good thing…? [ that sure is convincing, isn’t it? he puffs out a breath, still not quite laughing, and presses a kiss to keith’s head to make up for it. ] We found our way to each other and not just that, we were good together. [ remember that talk about their insane chemistry? remember how not too long ago they’d both been nervous despite all the reassurances that they’d be compatible? he smiles, forcing a little more in hopes of coaxing keith into abandoning his hiding. ] So good. Best sex I’ve ever had.
[ … okay, maybe that’s being a touch too truthful. don’t judge him for it. ]
[ with the window of opportunity for feigned nonchalance not just shut but deadbolted and vacuum sealed, keith does little more than dig his fingers tighter to his face as shiro maneuvers him up and leaning against his side. all truth be told, he was growing rather comfortable sinking down under his shame but as putting up real resistance would only make the issue seem even more of a big deal than it is, keith simply holds his breath until he's re-settled.
there's an arm around him then, followed by a kiss pressed to his head. it's ... fuck. levity ahas returned to shiro's voice and for a moment, keith is thrown. he peeks above his fingertips, what's still visible of his forehead still a fierce cherry red. ]
You think so...?
[ it's not the angle that keith had been approaching this from at all. anon had obviously accepted him -- tacitly sure, until anon disappeared because well.. shiro pulled that stunt. in retrospect, that whole incident had been... kinda ridiculous, huh? two guys scrambling to end a pseudo relationship because of each other. keith groans, butting the side of his head against shiro's chest. ]
Was it really the best?
[ all things considered, perhaps not what keith ought to be focusing on, but somehow reframing this whole thing from shiro's perspective is easier than looking at it from his own. ]
[ shiro’s the one with experience here, but although he’s had a good amount of lays, he doesn’t have a lot of names to his list of sexual partners. adam contributes the most. it’d been good at the time. fulfilling. enough. young as he’d been, sex of any quality was sufficient enough to keep a bounce in his step and a deeply sated feeling extending. now, he has further experience to measure it up against. granted, looking back on a failed engagement likely colors his opinion on the sex, but overall, it hadn’t been like that. hot and frenzied, messy and greedy, all encompassing as good sense fled and only desire remained; sex with anonymous had been a little bit of an adventure from start to finish, some of it so potent in his memory that it’d provide good fodder for a wank the following day.
heh, to think he’s gone a month without that now.
it’s no grand feat, really, because he has something else to fill the gap. he has a very cute, sometimes surprisingly shy boy, who curls up with him at night and offers him kisses when shiro is particularly sweet. it’s the polar opposite of the animalistic brutality of broken doors and roughly handled bodies, but somehow, it’s just as satisfying to keep him grounded and focused, not even a hint of regret making its way into his brain. ]
Yeah. [ he noses, briefly, at keith’s hair. ] It won’t be after tonight… or, I mean, whenever we…
[ they are very much naked in this very large bed of theirs, but even so, it suddenly feels presumptuous to assume that the evening is going to pan out the way they’d originally thought it would. truthfully? there’s disappointment to be found in the notion that they may delay another day, but overall, shiro isn’t too bothered by it. so the smile doesn’t flee and his good mood doesn’t dessert him; he clings tight to both, arm looping closer to encourage keith’s lean.
he lifts his head, only because the angle is deep enough that his neck protests. knocking it gently back to the headboard, shiro stares across the room, again stripping away layers to try for more honesty. ]
I enjoyed it. The freedom of not being seen. [ he’ll wager that much was the same for keith. so maybe he’s preaching to the choir here. nonetheless – ] I didn’t have to be me. I didn’t have to think like me, didn’t have to act like me, didn’t have to be what anyone expected me to be… I could block out everything and just… [ a breath. ] – feel good in the moment.
[ his fingers curl at keith’s hip, tracing abstract shapes into his skin. ]
… But now I wanna feel good with you. [ and considering keith’s been in his head for months now, superimposed onto someone who wasn’t supposed to be him, shiro can only assume being with the real keith is going to be so, so much better. ]
[ with the warmth of shiro's skin pressed close, the temptation to continue hiding behind his hands gradually ceases to be a real temptation at all. it only takes a few moments of listening to his boyfriend talking for keith's face to be lulled up, magnetized. it takes even less time for a smile to bloom. it starts out small and a little shy, before a kindling spark turns into a warm ember.
they've been best friends for years, and for all their similarities and shared interests... it's still kind of fascinating to think maybe they do feel similarly about sex. of course, that isn't something keith anticipated. after all, shiro's had other partners and a sex life that predated the one imposed on them by the warden.
sex isn't inherently unnatural or some grotesque scrambling of his autonomy. of course keith knows that, but in practice it's been harder to come to terms with actually being okay with wanting it for himself because experience hasn't always been equated with choice. there's a word for that -- trauma, perhaps, but a rough life has made it difficult to even unpack that for what it is. after all, he's been in more battles than he cares to count, and seen more people die than he wants to remember. this is nothing in comparison, right?
or so he thought. in the end, it's exactly as shiro said. it had been freeing to be someone other than himself while allowing anon to explore his body. it had been more enjoyable precisely because keith didn't have to think or feel anything than what he was made to feel by anon's fingers and tongue and cock.
shiro's.
keith tries out the correction, eyes still on his boyfriend's face, then has to look away when the flutter in his chest refuses to subside. he hiccups a tiny laugh, twisting enough to bump his cheek to shiro's chest. and then... what that isn't close enough? keith frees himself from shiro's arm to carefully straddle his thighs. ]
It could still be tonight. If you want. [ if you want. keith shakes his head, unsatisfied. ] Because that's what I want.
[ still smiling, keith traces a long line from collarbone down to shiro's flesh hand, taking it and intertwining their fingers. ]
Sounds stupid but... I really didn't want to want., I guess. [ he huffs, expression turning slightly self deprecating. ] Heh. You know. If you hadn't ghosted me, I was planning on saying thank you. For helping me figure things out ... and for showing me it was gonna be okay. ....Aaand then I was going to break it off with you because I realized that even though things were okay, I didn't want to be just okay. I wanted you. [ a beat. ] No, I want you. I want to kiss you. I wanna be able to say your name while we touch.
[ pause. is that too subtle? ]
I want to look at you and hold you while you fuck me.
Edited (SHHH this bothered me immensely) 2022-12-03 20:22 (UTC)
[ ah, yes. the ghosting. can’t let him forget that. the urge to laugh comes and goes, so quickly that he gets nowhere near actually laughing. he’s smiling, though. easy to, when keith’s straddling his thighs, weight comfortable and promising there in his lap. that alone is confirmation that it really can still be tonight; that’s not what has shiro feeling the bulk of his relief, though. it’s the ghosting, actually. the fact that keith is talking about it so easily now. shiro’s grateful for that because given enough time, he’d likely drag himself down with regret for ending things so cowardly. he already has felt bad about it, but that was before he knew it was keith. terrible, huh? that he feels worse for the same action when it is applied to keith, rather than a nameless individual. that says something about him, that his conscience isn’t an unbias, consistent voice. he feels more when it comes to keith, the good, the bad, the everything in between.
he can’t say he’s surprised by the revelation. he harbors favoritism for keith; he has for a long time, even when he was vehement of his denial for it.
throughout keith’s talking, shiro keeps his smile, watching patiently and fondly, as keith works through his own wants. he squeezes encouragingly at his hand, his free one rubbing at keith’s thigh. it travels up in the pause, thumb tracing along the angle of keith’s pelvic bone as his fingers curl around and his palm flattens to his hip. while you fuck me. his gaze is steady, but growing heavier, because while he doesn’t make any obvious outward reaction to it, his abdomen tightens on a flutter and a shiver runs down his spine, accumulating and spreading through his lower body to make him twitch. ]
I want that, too.
[ he breathes out the words, voice already weighty with renewed desire. leaning in, he tips the angle to press a kiss to keith’s jaw, nosing further along the hard line of it. fuck, being able to see keith’s face when they’re connected… – he wanted that before. he tried to create a poor man’s mimic of such intimacy by riding anonymous and himself of the door. it simply wasn’t enough. the eyes, the mouth, the sweaty tangles of hair – the best parts were covered up. so that’s all it takes, one little mention, and shiro is quickly losing his patience and composure. he’s thinking of keith arching off the sheets, hair haloed around him as he tries to focus his eyes. fuck. or keith riding him just like this, with his head tipped back and neck arched. shiro would have to take a fistful of his hair and yank him down, huh? he’d have to keep those eyes on him, to never waver throughout every drop down of keith’s body.
he groans, metal fingers tightening at his hip. ] Bet you’re a sight when you’re full of me. [ his body has certainly been greedy for his cock; does that insatiable desire make its way to keith’s face? does he go all dark eyed and flushed, soft, full lips finally able to to part around noises that won’t be muffled? ] Can’t believe I’ve had you all those times and I never got to see, got to hear…
[ he huffs a breath just barely resembling a laugh and then explores his galra hand up keith’s torso, sliding in to skim his fingertips along the shape of his pec and over his nipple. ]
I said your name once. [ cooed. casual. ] Do you remember? [ he pulls back to get a full look at keith, grinning. ] You felt so good around me that I lost my mind. [ a beat, fingers giving a playful pinch at his nip. ] Think you can do it again? Maybe make me yell it this time… not in that chainsmoker voice you love so much?
[ shiro leans forward and ... oh. mouth slightly open, keith never manages to get a proper word out the heat of shiro's lips is hot on his jaw, sending a cascade of tingles shooting down his spine. his head tips back of its own accord, eyes half lidded as shiro mouths at his neck and hands circle at his hips and up to his chest.
barely a minute in, and everything is different. constraints enforced by glory holes and anonymity had eliminated most avenues of foreplay. even towards the end of those hook ups, there'd still been a sheet to keep most of him covered, and touch had almost always been more more direct right from the get go. hands on his cock, fingers scissoring his rim, a tongue pushed inside his hole -- all with the assumption of enforced silence.
shiro's voice in this context is damn near intoxicating. kisses, butterfly touches and pinches. keith moans as fingers squeeze a half dime pert, cock filling out again fast with a twitch. fuck -- those stupid mandatory "good mate" classes have more or less drilled into his head what's considered an erogenous zone, but knowing the nipple is one of those things is still not wholly the same as discovering in real time that he's sensitive here too. he flushes, slowly lettin expelling a long puff of breath as he gathers his wits. ]
I remember.... [ voice breathy, keith drags his hnads up shiro's arms, feeling the strength in his boyfriend's biceps and shoulders with appreciative squeezes. he shivers, before scooting a little closer hips just shy of being flush to shiro's but close enough that the tip of his cock brushess just beneath shiro's cockhead. ] Kind of.. I wasn't really really thinking straight at all.
[ he laughs, looking sheepish for a moment. ]
Being full of you kinda has that effect.
[ of course, being in the throes of a frighteningly long orgasm hadn't exactly helped his coherence either. keith glances down at their almost touching cocks, then looks back up at shiro to steal an open mouthed kiss and pulls away with a gentle bite at his lower lip. that bit of cheek is all the warning shiro gets before keith reaches down to grab him by the balls. ]
You'd yell if I squeezed now, yeah?
[ he wouldn't, of course. a point made self evident a half beat later when he lets go in favor of indulgently tracing a thick vein up to the frenulum simply because he can.. being the one covered up has kept keith strictly on the receiving end of anon's whims, and it's exhilarating to look and see how shiro reacts to him for a change. ]
Heh. it's our first real time together and you're already turning it into a challenge. Unbelievable.
[ except it's not. it's so ridiculous shiro that even though keith is teasing, his heart is overstuffed with fondness. ]
[ careful with the family jewels, keith! shiro does not squeak, okay, but there’s this faint, yet embarrassing sound that chokes up his throat, eyes going comically wide because no, he did not expect that sort of retaliation. of course, keith is entirely gentle, but the implications of it make shiro’s heart pound hard once and then he’s laughing, fingers once more giving a pinch with more pressure. shiro was right; sex with anonymous was the best, but that title has already run its course. minutes in with only the barest beginnings and this is already becoming something untouchable in his memory bank. this is fun. the easy way keith banters back and holds his own, the two of them ever closer to touching, really touching, but reluctant to be the first one to need it, like this is some sort of game… – it’s a wonder shiro ever doubted their compatibility before.
so it’s tempting to continue on this trajectory. he can already see it; the two of them setting into a throwdown challenge of who can make the other louder, both teasing until one of them breaks to wrap a hand around the two of them, rocking their cocks together. he’s wanted this, too. it never would have worked unless shiro took up the sheet and covered himself up instead, but he’d liked the idea of anonymous riding him enough to begin considering it. he ghosted him before he ever reached a comfort level necessary for him to bear such vulnerability, but it’s alright. it’s okay. he has keith now and keith already looks gorgeous straddling his thighs. if shiro just inches down a little more, giving keith more room to move, he could line up shiro’s cock and sink down on it.
and maybe that would be the appropriate way to do this, because underneath keith’s cheekiness, shiro’s certain the boy is still nervous about wanting to be filled. that would give keith more of the power, more of the control; he’d be leading. but shiro’s also a greedy, wanting man, who enjoys pushing keith. ]
You’re right. This is our first real time and it’s special.
[ he gives that half-dime a parting brush, delighting in how perky that nub is, and then moves both hands around to press flat against keith’s back, fingers spread wide to encompass more space. ] So know what I’m gonna do? [ palms down, along his shoulder blades, they’re good leverage points for him to grasp keith and pull, coaxing the boy to lift up on his knees to come closer. ]
I’m gonna focus on making you yell and you sob. [ is that too much like anonymous? maybe. but aside from shiro wanting to shower keith with affection, he wants keith to see him, too. to see how much he enjoys touching his body. which he does now; with keith higher, the access to that chest is open, giving shiro the easiest lean forward to flick the tip of his tongue over that hard nub. he mouths in next, kissing it and grazing teeth. ]
Been wanting to worship this body for months… so can you do that for me? Can you let yourself enjoy it?
[ funny. keith would have never described a mangled noise as the sound of victory before, but hearing it now and the sudden wide-eyed look on his unsuspecting boyfriend's face is precisely that. keith grins harder, preening in his delight until pinchy fingers force a silencing gasp and a twitch down low out of him.
but shiro isn't done with retaliating, is he? keith's touch is light enough that when shiro hoists him up onto his knees, his hands sim drags up over cockhead to lay flat on shiro's abs. as if the point hadn't been made clear already, having full access to play with each other is an entirely different beast. warm lips find his chest, and the flick of tongue on peaked nipple gets keith to whine as he wraps both arms around shiro's back.
but it's shiro's voice more than anything else that makes keith flush warm from cheeks down to his chest. fuck. the time when he'd been more galra than human is the first real indication he'd ever gotten than anonymous's words were just as filthy as his tongue, but that'd been once and keith's never built up any immunity to dirty talk. again, those fucking good mate classes only go so far and they'd largely only made keith feel extremely uncomfortable reading off lewd suggestions from cue cards.
but even that's beside the point, isn't it? he looks down at shiro, eyes wide with surprise. thing is? keith's never been great at receiving care from others, much less being spoiled with it to the point of worship. then again, considering shiro knows this, perhaps the real ask is for keith to willingly make himself vulnerable and open. no hiding, no muffling, no denying.
looking a pinch doe eyed, keith's heart does a horrible flutterskip that makes breathing difficult for two beats before he's finally able to speak. ]
...it's you, Shiro. You know I'd do anything for you.
[ a beat. ]
But you're sure about that? You don't want me to suck you off or anything?
[ oh, he’s going to enjoy this. obviously, of course, but the thought is punctuated by the ease in which keith trusts him to move, arms winding, hands clinging, and back curved just so to give shiro the best angles to play across that chest. keith says things like being uncertain about wanting to be on the receiving ends of pleasure, the vulnerability of giving up control, to instead be led through all the pleasure points of his own body an overwhelming, somewhat frightening prospect. even so, shiro is delighted that keith’s body knows what to do. despite whatever goes on in that adorable head of his, his body certainly wants shiro all over it; that readiness nothing but encouraging.
granted, keith is still very much that sweet, hesitant boy from their walk back from the carnival. naturally, a counter-offer was always in the cards. and boy, shiro cannot confidently say that he isn’t tempted. ]
I do love your mouth…
[ his own is still mouthing at keith’s chest, lips moving across the slight dip between keith’s pecs, moving, still moving all the way over to keith’s other nipple. it receives similar treatment in a flick and a kiss, though the wet suck is an added slow indulgence. notwithstanding, of course. one suckle, two, and the third draws longer before he releases to coo over the pert thing. ]
But I’m patient. [ he tips his head, looking, briefly, up at keith, before lifting his head to sit up just a little more. so – ] Later. Right now, all you need to do is keep your eyes open and watch me please you.
[ and lay down, apparently. shiro helps him through that. pulls him down, tips their weight and rolls them over, careful in the way he helps rearrange keith so he ends up beneath shiro, adequately cradled by the pillow. holding himself with his hands and knees, so none of his weight remains on keith, shiro grins down at the other. ]
Sounds easy, but I’m quite good with my mouth, too.
[ ... fuck. is it really so easy for shiro to rile him up and get him wanting? that first suck at his nip seems to go straight to his dick, cock head beading pre in anticipation of a good suckle later. the second and third makes keith squirm as thick ridges take shape along his shaft. all the while, keith doesn't look away from shiro, despite burning hot under his touch.
okay, so maybe a month's worth of sexual abstinence from anon and some quick, barely satisfying masturbation sessions to get sex out of his system hasn't exactly helped with his excitability here, but that can't wholly be it, right?
shiro scoops him up to reposition him onto his back and keith still keeps his eyes trained on his boyfriend's face. it's almost easier that way, not visually acknowledging his own arousal, though he can feel it potently. from the stiff peaks of his half dimes, down to the subtle throb of his cock as it reaches up as if to try and touch shiro hovering above him. he swallows, feeling the slow bob of his adam's apple as keith takes a deep breath.
fuck. he's imagined having shiro on top of him before. smiling while forging their connection stronger, deepr, filthier, but always with guilt attached to the fantasy. anon and shiro were always meant to be distinct entities, though the line had been blurred so often in the throes of passion that their convergence now still feels unreal. keith reaches up in defiance of shiro's orders to push back his forelock with a look of soft disbelief on his face before letting his arm flop back down on the bed. a nervous fidget later, and keith shuffles his legs apart on the bed, neatly boxing shiro between the border of his thighs. ]
Heh. You say it like I don't already know that. [ like he hasn't cum down shiro's throat and in his mouth without knowing. somewhat amused, keith huffs. ] Unless you're saying you've been holding back?
[ it's teasing. part of their usual competitive banter, really. but truthfully, inexperience menas keith very sincerely can't imagine all the ways in which that might actually be the case. ]
[ so. shiro’s new favorite thing is being trapped between these legs. trapped might not be the right word, considering it’s more a framing, rather than a holding, but the point is the same: naked, spread, keith legs are lovely things to be boxed in by. he grins to keith’s retort, stomach flip flopping at how readily keith teases back. true, he does know, doesn’t he? he’s tested the tightness of his throat and he’s felt his tongue pushing into one of the most intimate, vulnerable places of his body; keith knows this mouth very well indeed. it’s tempting, as it always is, to rise to any challenge thrown his way and it’s there, in the uptilt of keith’s tone, teasing the possibility that shiro has more up his sleeve. the obvious choice is to play up his own skills and promise more, mind-numbing pleasure, which is not entirely untrue. the doors and the sheets in themselves held him back.
but instead, he yields, slightly, to the idea that he’s already offered up his best. ]
I pulled out all the stops for you. [ the grin turns boyish in its lopsided curvature. shuffling down keith’s body, he briefly ducks down to kiss his sternum. ] I love pleasing this body.
[ he’s wandering down said body, brushing kisses over abs and belly button, breathing words in the midst. ]
And now you get to see just how much I do. [ love pleasing him. he lifts his head, and settles down in the framing of keith’s thighs, more comfortably seated with his legs tucked underneath himself. ] This gorgeous face here? [ he drags his palm over keith’s hip and down the crease of pelvis meeting thigh, fingers curling around a once again, nicely filled out dick. ] You’re gonna watch how wide you push my lips apart. How wet you make them.
[ the ridges are standing out and shiro, now fully prepared for them, has nothing but desire for them as he squeezes, feeling each line against his palm. ]
Bet you’ll make my eyes water, too. [ he blinks slow, accentuating the slight flutter to his lashes, clearly playing it up. ] When these ridges start working down my throat.
[ .... fuck. it's been, what, less than five minutes, and all the thoughts in keith's head keep spiraling and sputtering? shiro peppers kisses down the line of his sternum and lower, getting ever closer to his cock and the anticipation from that alone makes his dick twitch yet again. it'd be embarrassing if keith remembered how to be embarrassed, but there's an endless barrage of filthy suggestion in the aether and keith is left mentally tripping over wants and implication.
see, as much as he'd grown to like sucking anon's cock hard until it spat cum on his tongue and down his throat, it'd been yet another weird, guilty pleasure that he wasn't sure how to accept about himself. perhaps part of that had been the inherent absurdity of only ever being face to face with a waiting dick poked through a library shelf or a hole in the door that left his insides roiling in shame for getting off to having his mouth stretched wide and throat stuffed full, but there'd been more to that too. the guy on the other side of the door had grunted and groaned, and in the back of keith's mind, he'd put familiarity to those horny, wet sounds.
familiarity that, now, keith no longer has to fantasize or imagine. slowly, he props himself up onto his elbows, breathing hard to follow shiro's face as he settles on his knees between the split of his legs. it's ... fuck. it's so much, just looking at shiro there, grinning and teasing and possibly getting off to the same thing keith had been self-critical over. ]
Shiro... [ fuck. shiro hasn't even touched him yet and already there's a whine to his voice. feeling heat spread across his cheeks, keith swallows, trying for a pinch of composure. ] .. Fuck, you're gonna make me cum really quick if you keep talking like that.
[ a beat later, and keith has to laugh. ]
Fuck I don't even know what I'm saying right now. Just ... [ carefully, he sits up a little further, hand outstretched to sweep white forelock back and away from shiro's face. ]
You're the one who made me like this, you know? Taking it in my mouth until I choke. I didn't know you felt the same way.
[ on some level, it's kind of funny. anon had always taken such care to be quiet, and shiro is anything but. again, less than five minutes in and keith is stupidly aroused by the difference. like it isn't just him being more vulnerable, more present and himself in his visibility, but shiro too.
perhaps it's even funnier then, that a long time ago when keith had tried to imagine what first-time sex with shiro would have been like, he'd pictured something gentle and sweet. this still is, of course, but it's intercut with filth and something more real that it makes keith shiver as he drags fingers down to hook his index at shiro's lower lip. ]
[ it’s a good indicator that shiro loves sucking cock that when keith’s index hooks, shiro’s mouth goes pliant and open, head shifting to capture that finger in-between a pillowing of his lips. he sucks once, just for the fun of it, and then rolls his tongue over it, from the first to second bend in his finger. keith had been saying something though. explaining himself? not wanting to do keith the disservice of brushing over this, not when keith has been a touch cagey and enduringly nervous, shiro releases his finger after another, languid suck, smacking his lips with a small sound. ]
Felt what way? Enjoy sucking cock?
[ he made keith like that? there’s some valuable nugget of information there. was he the first dick keith’s ever taken into his mouth? is it his dick that keith’s lavished the most attention to? both thoughts are pleasing; combined, they have him shivering and hazy-minded, a quick spell of pleasure sufficiently distracting him in the moment. only for a beat. then he’s sobering, answering the question for himself. ]
It’s definitely not for everyone and I’d never expect it from you if you didn’t –
[ but he does. so he abandons the words and doesn’t bother ending it. see, while keith and anonymous are the same person, they are distinctly different entities in his head. being with anonymous was about taking and being unapologetic with his own pleasure. of course, toward the end, he hadn’t been a selfish lover with anonymous, either, but he’d started off as one; that theme coloring the rest of their interactions to the point that shiro did expect certain things from anonymous, even during the moments that he was the one with his mouth pressed to the door.
keith is different. keith is always different. it wouldn’t necessarily be his first choice, because he very much wants to get his cock inside this boy, but he’s also quite confident in the idea that he’d be perfectly satisfied rutting into the mattress as he adores keith’s body, pleasing him until the boy is sobbing and spent, a useless, adorable mess in the sheets. ]
But yeah, I like it. [ he quirks a smile, looking boyish and sweet, there between keith’s legs. ] I want you to feel good. I want to feel you feeling good.
[ … but then there’s a shift. that sweetness that’s oddly almost wholesome slips away, features subtly changing until an expression takes that is heat and confidence and a touch of competitiveness, too. keith’s sitting up and reaching. that’s the issue he’s zeroed in on here; something that he feels compelled to correct. so he lifts up, moving his hands to crawl back up keith’s body and to force himself into keith’s space. ]
Make no mistake, I’m the one with your dick in my mouth, but I’m the one control. [ a balances on one hand and gets the other to keith’s shoulder, gente, yet insistent in how he pushes him back down into the pillow. ] I’m the one leading you through your pleasure. I’ll take care of you, even when you’re pleasure-drunk and out of your mind. [ a soft, kind laugh. hovering over him, he ducks down to peck keith’s lips, his nose, and finally his forehead. ] Remember… let yourself enjoy it. I’ve got you, baby.
i feel contractually obligated to tag this so you have more morning porn
[ the word slips out in an awed gasp as shiro parts his lips and sucks at the tip of his index. his thoughts instantly haze up again, eyes round with lizard-brained fascination for the focus on shiro's face, the heated wetness inside. fuck. it shouldn't make his dick throb to have his finger lavished with attention, but want spreads like wildfire, and pre beads at his cock head.
the only reason keith even properly registers that shiro is talking to him is because shiro gives him no choice. he pulls away from his finger, drawing keith's attention back with him. gaze shifting back from lips to shiro's eyes, keith remembers belatedly to stop staring open-mouthed while listening.
it shouldn't come as an actual surprise to hear that shiro likes sucking dick. if he didn't, he wouldn't have bothered to offer i n the first place, right? but it's in listening to shiro speak so shamelessly -- boldly -- about his kinks and turn ons that make keith a little dizzy with so many different feelings. like maybe he could be like this, too. bold. demanding, shameless and ... just incredibly sexy for it.
fuck. the thought actually makes him sputter an involuntary laugh. what the fuck is going on with the world that he sincerely, legitimately cares about coming across sexy to anyone, huh? but he likes this. he likes being pushed back down on the pillow, being told authoritatively that there is no vulnerability here. shiro is in control, in his element and keith looks up at him, heart hammering so hard and loud that it's got to be some miracle shiro hasn't commented on it yet.
he's felt many thing about shiro over the years. during the war and for most of porn prison, it'd been largely colored with concern and protectiveness. here, with the way his heart feels squeezed and tight, adoration pours out of him in excess to soften his wanting expression with something moonier. keith starts to raise his hand, but catches himself and lowers it to the mattresss. and if that weren't enough? he breathes out: ]
Yes, sir. I'll be a good boy for you.
[ the words feel a little foreign on his tongue, though he must've said some horrible permutation of this at some mandatory class. it feels wholly different now, saying the words and actually meaning them. keith shivers this time, no longer quite laughing anymore. ]
I'll properly enjoy everything you give me., Shiro.
[ he has to wonder if keith is more intuitive than he lets on. sir. it’s a typical kink, one that is so overdone that it’s almost insulting to admit that he, an ex-military man, would have a thing for being called sir. so stereotypical. so boring. it doesn’t feel like that in the moment, however, not when keith is saying it so wantonly, voice breathy and thin. it’s funny, though, because soon enough, the sir is dropped and shiro has a direct comparison: sir versus shiro. heat sings in his blood and he’s tempted into correcting that, too. what did you call me. it’s sir. directing keith is an addictive thought; he’s doing it already but not quite like that. but…
he smiles, instead, conscious of the fact that this is their first time together as themselves. it’s meant to be special, right? so he settles somewhere in between: leaning down to softly kiss his mouth, pulling away to murmur an approving: ]
Good boy.
[ and then he’s working his way down keith’s body again. it’s similar to before, because he can’t not kiss that canvas of pretty skin and lean lines. each half-dime gets a lick and a nip, the right getting an extra suck because shiro deems it needs one. down, over ribs and through the panes of keith’s abdominals, shiro nuzzles his nose in as he kisses that cute belly button again… and then he takes a hard angle to his right. skipping the obvious destination of his cock, shiro kisses the junction of pelvis to inner thigh. this close, the side of his head brushes against the hard extension of keith’s cock and for that, keith gets shiro’s flesh fingers enclosing around in toward the base, wrist tilting to point keith’s cock away.
undeterred throughout, shiro fastens parted lips to keith’s thigh and then starts to suck. hard. he bites next and gives keith’s cock a single stroke to offset the nip of his teeth. he resumes sucking, working the skin over and over in the single-minded focus to leave a patch of reddened skin. eventually, he releases and lifts his head, observing the pinkness and deciding, yes, that will bruise nicely. he grins to himself and looks up the line of keith’s body, giving him another stroke that has him gathering pre and dragging it down. ]
I could do this for hours. [ he is particularly chatty, isn’t he? it started as a means to ease keith into this. to help him feel more comfortable, rather than letting nerves build and build in a blanket of silence. but the more he gives voice to his desires, the more shiro enjoys it. so now? now it’s for himself too. ] Kiss every inch of you and leave you littered with marks. My marks. [ he dips right back down to kiss the blemish forming on his thigh, speaking the words into him. ] But that’s not what you want right now, is it? Tell me, good boy… where do you want my mouth?
[ sir. good boy. though keith had been a little facetious in throwing that out at first, the sentiment behind the titles at least had been meant in earnest. acknowledging shiro's command of the situation, yielding to his whims -- something like that.
but in much the same way that keith hadn't laughed after being a little silly, shiro isn't either and the good boy keith earns rings fainly in his ears. good boy. in what feels like years ago now, h3'e onfe called anon that just before bending over to present his ass to the door. warming from the memory alone, keith goes a pinch starry eyed as shiro kisses his open mouth and moves back down his body. ]
Fuck...
[ more mewl than curse, keith's breath hithces as shiro teases his nipples. the urge to touch amd grab at shiro's hair and face is impossible to ignore outright. heart pounding, keith bites his lower lip and instead pulls at the sheets as he rolls back his shoulders back into the mattress to extend the tease of lips on his peaked dimes.
not that the effort gets him what he wants. shiro moves on and keith sinks back down on the mattress, following shiro's movements through lidded eyes. with his head propped up, he gets a clear enough view, though that doesn't fully settle his nerves. with anon, he'd always been able to stay calm with the reminder that he could make it stop with a twist or a roll away, but that logic doesn't apply here. for starters, keith doesn't want to make it stop because it's shiro and shiro is patient and deliberate..... ]
Nnn, Shiro...
.... and a fucking cocktease. the whine slips out equal parts dismayed and amused when his boyfriend pushes his cock out of the way to suck at his inner thigh. breathing hard, keith endures the throb of his trapped cock with soft moans as lips and suck. but of course, he's not allowed to get used to that. teeth pinch and he jolts with a whimper that's surprised and pleasured rolled into one sharp noise. hands clenching and unclenching and making a mess of the neat sheets, keith groans when his boy finally fucking relents and gives his cock a slow stroke.
hours. shiro could do this for hours. it's not a threat because it feels good, but it registers in a way that makes keith shiver as soon as the suggestion is out of shiro's lips.
fuck. they really could do this for hours. no fuck and run like with their anonymous trysts. no scramble to get cleaned up and dressed to pretend that nothing happened. and absolutely no marks beyond what was unavoidable. keith swallows,head swimming in incoherence. he's seen inmates wandering around with hickeys everywhere. gross had been his entire assessment. funny how a single adjective recontextualizes the whole fucking thing, huh? sh's marks.
his expression faotersk his indecision entirely genuine as he looks to shiro for some guidance over choosing between two amazing things. if keith were a little clearer headed, he might've laughed at himself. ]
I want ... I want those marks. Your marks. [ he breathes out, relaxing his grip on the sheet to gesture at his hip and collarbone. ] Want reminders. [ a beat: ] But I want your mouth on my cock too. I -- please.
Coffee, actual food breakfast and porn; you're set up for a wonderful day
[ it’s all just a ploy to get keith talking. yes, okay, shiro is fully committed to leading keith through this and maintaining control, to allow keith the safety and security of completely falling apart. it’s just – keith has such a pretty voice. it’s all rough and breathy, the rawness of his desire coming out in the slur of syllables and stutter of words. keith’s a greedy boy, but shiro is, too, and at present, shiro wants to hear his boyfriend try to articulate what it is he wants. that’s part of it, too, honestly. it isn’t just shiro thirsty to hear the ruin in keith’s voice. prompting keith nudges him closer and closer to becoming comfortable saying what it is he wants, what he needs. it’s a healthy exercise for a boy who harbors some semblance of guilt for wanting things for himself; shiro is intent on demonstrating to keith that it’s good that he tells him where to put his mouth.
so no, shiro isn’t going to deny him, despite keith cheating on the answer and asking for three uses of his mouth. he will tease him, however. ]
I’ll give you what you want… but I’ve only got one mouth, Keith. [his smile curls slow, a touch mischievously. he shifts up, pitching over to find the jut of keith’s left hip. ] Patience.
[ – yields focus, yada yada. shiro is focusing, at the very least, by bending down to give keith’s hip the same treatment as his thigh. even with the high crest of his hipbone but more anterior to his front than his side, shiro lavishes that softened skin with attention that grows wetter and hungrier with each tick. throughout, he keeps a hand on keith’s cock, fingertips idly shifting with gentle explorations of those ridges. skin sufficiently bruised, shiro lifts up and swings further anterior, dipping down to, without much warning, issue one very brief, very smooth kiss to keith’s cockhead. ]
Collarbone next, you wanted?
[ he’s grinning and licking his lips, chasing the bit of salty flavor there. crawling back up, he, unfortunately, has to let go of keith’s cock. he hopes to make up for it though as he finds the line of keith’s collarbones, going for the left side. it’s a delicate looking thing and he almost hesitates in treating it so roughly, but there at the middle, below the hard notch, shiro is quick to suck hard and bite with single-minded intention. soon, it’s ruddy and glistening with spit. shiro delights in staring at it, only to then turn that same, heated gaze to keith’s neck. ]
I think I should put one on your neck, too. [ keith’s cock is meant to be next and god yes, shiro wants that in his mouth just as much as keith wants to put it there, but shiro is drawn in to the perfect arch and length of keith’s throat. he noses in and adjusts the lean of his body. it’s not the same as the heat of his mouth but… he lines up their hips and rolls his own, sliding his cock against keith’s. he nips to muffle his moan, mumbling: ]
Should leave lots of marks here. Then everyone will see, everyone will know.
[ it's utterly bizarre knowing full well that shiro is teasing him while also having no mind to throw back anything witty. instead, keith winds up looking at shiro longingly, swallowing as he widens the split of his legs and licks his lower lip. is that enticing? he doesn't know, he's never tried to be that. ]
Mm, I know, I know...
[ the words are murmured, but not quite apologetic as keith huffs. frankly, it's a lie. he's never felt so much like he knows nothing in his life, but even that idle thought sinply pops out of existence as shiro manifests a mark on his hip. groaning, keith bucks his hips, rutting his cock into shiro's palm. of course, he knows that's not what shiro wanted from him, but he's allowed to have that one luxurious roll, right? evidently yes, because the heat of lips at his cock head comes so suddenly that keith moans outright from surprise alone.
the temptation for pushing orders builds, mischief briefly lighting up keith's eyes but just as quick shiro abandons his cock and comes up higher. fuck. it isn't fair that shiro as such a strangle hold on the start-stop nature of his thoughts, but what would have been a drawn out whine comes out so much filthier from need when shiro lines up their hips, their cocks and ruts slow. ]
Sir....
[ this time, keith abandons his grip on the sheets, unable to keep from putting his hands on broad shoulders. all things considered, it's funny. he used to think he knew what the general thrust of sex was. cocks inside holes, frantically rutting hips, unbearable heat and eventually.. capitulation to desires that don't wholly feel like his own.
this is decidedly not that. anon had grabbed, licked, sucked and fucked with keith's tacit consent. right now, shiro's leaving marks where he's directed, giving keith exactly what he wants. the thrill of it is as electrifying as the friction on his cock and the heat of shiro's skin. unthinking, he rolls his head back on the pillow, offering his neck to shiro with a visible shiver.
everyone will see. everyone will know..
in so many ways, it's the antithesis of what keith has wanted. being with anon meant nobody saw, nobody knew. everything about him was a secret, even to the guy balls deep inside him. keith swallows hard, the bob of his throat painfully slow. subverting months and months of comfort, presenting the temporary brand of shiro's care for the world to see -- the thoughts circle in keiths head for several maddening beats until, finally, he figures out what shiro must be waiting for. ]
So do it, Shiro. I'm ready to show everyone who I belong to.
[ despite that, his heart is racing faster than ever. keith's always bo private and guarded about his persona life that bringing any facet of it to the forefront goes against every instinct. so maybe it wont come as any surprise to shiro that one of keith's hands trail down his arm to feel for his boyfriend's hand. his fingers are a pinch sweaty from nervousness, but when he has shiro's hand in his, his grip s tight, his voice more assertive.]
[ he’s still calling him sir. maybe shiro’s embarrassment over his stereotypical kink isn’t an exclusive thing. maybe it’s shared. though, keith doesn’t seem all that embarrassed with how freely he offers it up. keith is freely offering up many things, actually. it’s pleasing for all the obvious reasons, but mostly, it encourages shiro on the idea that keith is inching out of his self-imposed shell, truly enjoying this build-up. it works wonders on shiro, too. keith’s breathy, pleasure sweetened voice draws out on commands and shiro can’t even find it in himself to care that he isn’t quite as absolute in his leading afterall.
he presses his mouth fully to keith’s neck and goes to work: tongue making it wet and then teeth marking the space, before he sucks and sucks. seems shiro is the possessive type. they haven’t been hiding their relationship, but they’ve been rather chaste about it, both in public and alone, anonymous trysts not included. a kiss here, a hug there, and a dose of heavy flirting… that’s been the extent out on the prison grounds. shiro’s never thought much about himself wanting people to know; he hadn’t been that way with adam.
the galaxy garrison operates completely different than this prison, obviously, so maybe that’s part of it. maybe part of shiro’s sudden desire to leave keith littered with marks is so their fellow inmates see him and realize he’s already well taken care of. that he already has someone to help him through his sentence. that they are wholly unneeded. then they’ll back the fuck off and leave keith to him.
his jaw tightens and he’s biting down harder, catching himself a moment later to relax the clasp of teeth. rolling his tongue over the reddened skin after, part in apology and part in farewell, shiro then immediately picks out another section to give the same treatment. onto his second mark now, slowly climbing up keith’s neck, shiro rolls his hips again to follow through on a dirty, indulgent grind. it feels different, but in a good way, he supposes. the ridges of keith’s cock put too much pressure in some places but the teetering of too much is exciting and invigorating and shiro decides he likes it. so he continues moving his pelvis against keith’s, inevitably moving to a third and then a fourth mark, one that ends just underneath the floor of keith’s mandible.
he lifts his head to survey his work. just as his thigh and his hip, the skin is pink and wet, ruddy with the promise of darkening with time. shiro grins, body still moving in languid motions to rub their cocks together. ]
Fuck, Keith. You’re going to draw everyone’s eyes for days.
[ granted, shiro is of the opinion that keith does that anyway, with his long legs, shapely body and perfectly angled face. but he’s made impossibly prettier now, with a line of bruises climbing up his neck. ]
[the fact that he's almost more nervous about shiro leaving hickeys in harder to conceal places than he is about his boyfriend fitting his thick cock inside isn't entirely lost on keith. considering how things have progressed between them, perhaps that's even normal somehow, but it still makes keith squirm a little, hiccuping with an almost laugh though the sound comes out choked and sharp when shiro's mouthing turns into a hard bite.
keith groans when shiro lets up to lick throbbing skin, grip tightening on the hand he has in his. the shivering is damn near uncontrollable as pain pulses away into tingling that goes straight to his aching dick. it's then, with a paradoxically hazy clarity, that keith realizes he could actually cum just like this. with shiro biting and sucking his neck, all while rocking their cocks together. perhaps that shouldn't even be surprising, considering what happened the very first time they'd been together with keith grinding furiously until he managed to climax on a horrified shiro.
the memory is as sobering as getting his head dunked in a bucket of ice water. somewhat jarred, despite knowing shiro doesn't hold any of that against him, keith looks to his boyfriend feeling a pinch unsettled. forcing a deep breath, he gives his hand another squeeze and murmurs: ]
Will you be looking, too?
[ the question is nonsensical. of course shiro's going to be looking. it's just ... drawing attention means less than nothing if shiro isn't there to look at keith with approving, proud eyes. one deep breath then keith brings his fingers up to trace the wet line down his throat, suddenly wishing he could see it for himself. shiro's certainly left a mark on his face before, but these are different -- asked for and wanted. ]
'Cuz that's the only thing that matters to me. I want it to look good for you.
[ it’s an absurd question because the answer is obvious. in another situation, it could’ve been teasing, even shallow in a fishing for compliments. this is keith, however, and it isn’t all that difficult to pick apart when his boy is working through some lapse in certainty. shiro, good-natured and willing to dote on this boy, smiles as he bends for a kiss. see, his mouth can be soft and sweet, too. affection brimming to overflowing, shiro lingers through the simple press of his lips to keith’s and with those extra beats spent, he lifts his head. he lifts entirely, really.
the rocking of his dick against keith’s slows and the blanketing of his body pulls back, until he’s sitting up between keith’s legs. he’s situated with his knees to the bed, legs folded underneath his body… but he’s greedy for keith’s space, so those knees widen and split, pushed under the open splay of keith’s thighs. ]
Keith…
[ it’s a fond rendition of his name, shiro’s affectionate gaze adding weight. both hands frame keith at the waist, smoothing down to take more substantial grabs at hips. he drags him, just a little more, a little higher, up the slop of shiro’s thighs to get keith’s ass closer into his lap. there; perfect. he has keith at his fingertips; so close and so easy to play with, which he does in short order, flesh hand wrapping around keith’s cock to give it a smooth tug. ]
I’m always looking at you. You have no idea how captivating you are.
[ keith’s been captivating from the very start, first with his skill and his drive, although that second one was buried under layers upon layers of stubbornly held disappointment for life. years later, shiro still finds himself inspired and awe-shaken with the feats keith manages to pull off through his unyielding determination to see done what he deems necessary. but in recent months, the direction of his gaze has shifted, with him openly eyeing up parts of keith that he had denied himself before. and he doesn’t just mean the obvious filth of drifting his eyes south when keith walks ahead of him or how he knows from the crease in keith’s pants that he tucks right. it’s things like holding his breath a half a second more when keith bursts into laughter or staring at his mischief lit smile too long. he’s gorgeous in the early mornings, too, when his hair is a mess and there are pillow creases on his face, eyes barely open and brain still ensnared by fading sleep.
shiro particularly likes this soft-eyed look, too, with the whole of keith’s body laid out before him, love-bites scattered and nips glistening with drying saliva. he huffs, amused, and cups the head of keith’s cock, circling the spongy tip with his thumb. ]
shl it really does because here i am... in the morning. writing filth
[ it shouldn't be possible to feel so many things about one person. even though keith doesn't think he's said anything terribly revealing, shiro is right there, kissing and looking at him with such adoring eyes that his heart starts to melt and ache at the same time. two parallel emotions that are polar opposites and shouldn't be happening simultaneously. and yet, here keith is, a little vat the stunned into silent awe as shiro lifts his ass up to rest on his thighs.
it's just... whenever keith thinks of the version of shiro back in his reality or his point in the timeline -- whatever the case is, it's difficult to even imagine them being so close, let alone his best friend ever saying something as addictive as i'm always looking at you. shiro had never said it outright, but keith remembers the haunted looks shiro would cast in his direction when he thought keith wasn't paying attention.
the truth is, maybe keith is used to being captivating... but for all the wrong reasons.
whether that be drawing the attention of other kids in school for being a smaller, weirdo emo kid from a group home, teachers who breathed down his neck for every minor infraction, to drawing the ire or intrigue of his peers in space for either being too galra or not galra enough, his life has been a clusterfuck of expectations and assumptions that keith has long since stopped giving two shits about.
...well, except for one person that is.
for a while, keith had felt maybe the distance put between him and shiro was something he deserved for not having been there, for failing to recognize the imposter until it was too late. being with this shiro here and now makes him want all these things he likely doesn't deserve but is too selfish and starved to wean himself off of. can't. won't. ]
I... [ his breath hitches and peters into a soft moan, thoughts spiraling out of reach as shiro pumps and teases at his cock head. pre continues to bead at the tip, his cock aching as it reaches for shiro, but even that ceases to be embarrassing. he wants shiro, and for once he doesn't need to imagine or harbor any guilty feelings about that while there's an unknown cock giving him pleasure. eyes going half-lidded, he wraps his legs around shiro's back and carefully scooches higher up on his lap until his ass bumps shiro's cock. keith swallows hard, breathing a little harder as he mumbles: ]
That's all you. You're captivating. You're the most incredible person I've ever met and I ... sometimes I look at you and I feel like I'm dreaming.
[ he rather likes how responsive keith’s body is. cock plump, the ridges fill out entirely to their defined edges, the slit a seemingly endless pool of pre as it beads and drips and smears with the next swipe of shiro’s thumb. legs wind around next and with the brush of keith’s ass to his cock, shiro loses sight of reality, momentarily retreating into his own mind to picture the possibility of taking keith like this. a bit of lube, a quick prep, and he could angle his cock down, to feed it into keith’s hole. shiro lacks the necessary leverage to move his hips in any sort of motion worthy of keith, but he has big hands. hands that can grip tight and lift keith. he could manually fuck him on his cock and keep him bouncing in his lap, even as he lies there across the bedding. he thinks he’d enjoy the position, because he’d be able to see everything: keith’s drowsy eyes, moaning mouth, heaving chest, tense belly, every single mark and, of course, the unhampered view of his cock disappearing, over and over, inside keith.
he curls his thumb around keith’s cock to complete the circle and gives him a stroke, all the while reminding himself that he can’t get ahead of himself. he promised to give keith what he wants and this boy wanted his mouth.
the script keeps changing, keeps evolving into something deeper, however, and the headiness of his desire, while still potent, doesn’t overwhelm him into dirty, filth-filled words. keith has gone soft and sentimental, and shiro, lulled by the earnestness of those mumbles, has his chest fluttering with sweet, besotted feeling. so there is no returning tease of this, probably, being better than any dream keith’s ever had or a prompting of keith to tell him exactly what kind of dreams keith’s entertained about him. instead, shiro redirects them, once more making keith the focus. ]
You are a dream, Keith. [ he smiles, expression honeyed and mildly bewitched with infatuation. seems they are in an unspoken competition to see who can be the sappiest. apparently, shiro is intent on winning. ] My dream.
[ he keeps moving his hand, up, down, up along those ridges, pumping keith slowly. ]
No. That’s not right. I don’t think I could’ve ever imagined someone like you. [ that isn’t to say he thinks keith is perfect in some unrealistic way. but he fits perfectly in shiro’s life, to support shiro through the lows and to meet him in the highs, rejuvenating shiro’s sense of purpose and drive, so, as cliché as it sounds, shiro can be a better version of himself. ]
You’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had… and now you’re more. [ he pauses in his stroking, thumb pressing to the frenulum, rubbing against it, while his other hand finds the reddened mark at keith’s thigh, fingers tracing teasing outlines of it. ] So much more than I ever allowed myself to hope for.
[ with shiro stroking him up and down in earnest now, keith is entirely helpless to do more than shiver, fingers once again gripping the sheet on either side of shiro's thighs. it's -- it's a lot, being so close. draped over shiro's lap, it's hard not to whine for more when the ever-present reminder of a hard cock burning warm against his ass is there to breathe life into fantasies of all the ways shiro could take him that weren't previously possible.
swallowing, keith squirms for the tiniest of bucks into the closed fist around his cock then catches himself and tries to relax fully. paying attention gets harder with every stroke though, especially when a good chunk of his lizard brain is wholly preoccupied with the fundamental design flaw that is the fact that shiro can't talk and suck him off at the same time. frustration with this deeply unfair predicament bursts out of him as keith lets out a deeply confused but needy moan. ]
Fuck, shiro!
[ or should that be sir? rhetoric growing fuzzy in his head, keith abandons the sheet to reach up and pull shiro down closer. to his face, to his cock -- he doesn't know, somehow that ceases to matter as much as simply closing the distance between them. <
but even in his feverish haze of wants, keith still manages to hear something profoundly depressing in his best friend's admission that he's never pushed for the absolute best for himself. his hand lands mid-way up shiro's metal arm, but the tug is poorly coordinated and weakened by the continued rhythmic pumping of his cock. keith shivers, groans and blurts: ]
You should hope for the best. Only the best! 'Cuz that's what you deserve. You deserve all the best the universe can offer you and --[ his breath hitches, voice cutting off with a gasp as the ache in his chest focuses sharp like a laser. the universe never gave that to his shiro. but this one....? this one, keith can still hope for, right? teeth grit, he shudders through the rush of feeling and grips the prosthetic arm tight. ]
...and I'm gonna get up and cum on your face if you disagree.
Edited (GRAGH) 2022-12-20 23:36 (UTC)
This isn't morning porn but... Does it still count.
[ oh. he’s going down then? hands grasp for him, tugging without any solid thought into how this is meant to work with keith’s ass in his lap and his hand stroking him off. shiro goes though, simply because keith’s desperateness to get him even closer is addictive in its impatience. so, bending at the waist, shiro can feel the end movement of his hand bumping against his upper abdominals with the way he’s folding over himself. being taller than keith anyway, especially in the torso, it’s be easy enough to reach for a kiss, so that quickly becomes his destination point. except… keith’s blurting and groaning and pulling at the metal of his arm, caught in some imagined obligation of needing to offer encouragements.
so, shiro deserves the best and while this is said, he’s being pulled ever closer to keith. is keith trying to signify something here? it’s easier to focus on the humor to be found in that, rather than the sobering topic of what shiro does and doesn’t deserve. the second list is, unfortunately, far easier for shiro to outline. that isn’t to say he doesn’t strive for happiness or hope for certain things to come to pass, but he’s more accustomed to being battered around by misfortune and strife. he just doesn’t have it in him anymore to ignore all else and shoot for the stars like he did in his youth.
but it’s okay. it is. he makes due and not only that, sometimes he catches a break. sometimes he finds himself so blessed that all the terrible things that have led him to the moment aren’t quite as regretful. like now. right now, he has his best friend opening up to him, trusting him… threatening him…?
shiro’s chest expands on a breath, feeling a buzz underneath his skin and then he’s laughing. at least threaten him with something he won’t enjoy. though, he supposes, keith untangling himself and lifting free from his recline would be less than ideal. he looks so pretty all laid out, the sheets already rumbled around him. ]
Fine, alright. [ happiness fills those simple words. the ease in which he caves is surprising, isn’t it? the reason as to why it’s so easy becomes clear after he finally snags that kiss and then pulls back. ] I deserve you.
[ best, keith, same thing, really. back again, to that subtle challenge of who gets to fawn over the other more, shiro is rather confident he’s the one getting the last word in. he isn’t above securing his so-called victory through craftier means, though. so he sits up and lets go of keith’s cock, hand a little sticky as he reaches behind himself with both, loosening the hooking of keith’s ankles to unwind those long, long legs. ]
Now cum down my throat, instead.
[ he moves quick for such a big guy. on moment he’s sitting upright, grinning a lazy, cheeky thing at keith, and then he’s down between keith’s spread legs, belly to the bedding and arms pushed under keith’s thighs, hands coming up from below to grasp keith by the hips. his mouth comes next and he isn’t slow about that either. he opens wide and engulfs, sealing lips tight around those ridges as he sinks down immediately.
… HEEHE, he wins. ]
Edited (ok now this tag is complete) 2022-12-21 21:57 (UTC)
[ if keith knows nothing else about shiro, it's that his best friend is a fighter. someone who won't go down easy, and even when he's down finds a way to get back up on his feet. in other words, shiro is stubborn as fuck and the sudden acquiescence with i deserve you catches keith off guard.
perhaps subconsciously, he'd been gearing up for a protracted pep talk about how shiro can't ever give up on his own happiness and settle for something less, but the conversation's gone sideways in some black belt level jujitsu move. frankly, it feels like a non-sequitur -- they'd been talking about shiro and the best things in life, and keith is slow to work out how the hell his name got dragged into that.
just as the gears start turning, however, shiro lifts up and away, then quickly scooches down between his legs, hands at his hips and thighs. keith blinks, but any hope of a clever comeback is utterly annihilated by the shock of a wet mouth on his cock. caught entirely by surprise, keith throws his head back and lets out a throaty moan that pitches high as shiro takes more and more of his cock into the wet heat of his mouth. hands gripping tight at the sheets, keith plants his feet on the mattress to try for a proper thrust. not that his intentions get much traction, thighs shake as shiro moves down and keith wails through the tight seal oressed around one ridge after another.
gaze easily turning half lidded and glazed over with want, it's all too apparent that keith's completelyforgotten what it is they were debating moments ago. he strains only to try and get a proper view of his cock disappearing into shiro's mouth and groans desperately as shiro's ,stretched lips inch closer to his pelvis. ]
Shiro, please!
[ voice threatening to crack, keith barely manages the plea between gasps for air. scrambled as his thoughts are, he frankly couldn't even explain what he's begging for. it's just -- it's been a month since he was intimate with anything aside from his fucking hand, and despite having been with anon for months on end, he's only ever gotten to imagine how good his partner might look with his cock stuffed down their throat. already teased, but now overheated, keith whines, hand shaking as he tries to grab at shiro's cropped hair. ]
Pleas, fucksir! You're hot like this, can't -- can't hold it!
[ an irrational panic takes hold as keith abandons trying to reach for shiro's hair and instead grabs himself around the base of his cock to squeeze tight with a strangled groan. after all, the longer he holds it in, the more being with shiro gets to be drawn out, right? ]
[ desperation rings louder and louder, keith’s voice hitting a fever pitch as he whines and pleads, hands making up for the gaps in his words. shiro loves his hairstyle. not necessarily his hair because it’s bleached white up front and subtly graying, but he enjoys the overall cut. he does think, though, that it’d be nice to have a little more length, just so keith has something to pinch between those greedy fingers and give a pull. maybe keith will like that, when their positions are reversed and it’s shiro’s hands in his hair. he’s fond of that, as well; of how messy and unconventional keith’s hair has always been, even during his cadet days. these days shiro does a lot less snickering over keith’s blatant disregard of conforming to anyone’s standard and instead, does a lot more hopeless moonying, because wow, keith is effortlessly gorgeous and wow, he’s got enough hair that it’d be so easy to give it a solid yank.
keith gives up on shiro’s hair and shiro misses the scrabbling of those fingers immediately. he’s undeterred, though. he’s got a hefty mouthful with a fat cockhead broadening the opening of his throat and if he’s going to do with without choking through that first ridge, then he needs to concentrate. which is precisely why he does choke, because those hands give up on his hair to grab for his own cock instead. surprised, his throat spasms through an involuntary sound of confusion and then it’s working against keith’s cock, pushing it out of his throat as shiro coughs, pulls back and coughs some more.
he pulls off, spittle dripping and then splattering as he gives another, lesser cough. funnily enough, he’s unbothered by it. he’s managed to find something humorous in all of this, and the source becomes clear a moment later when he smiles and swallows hard, forcing his control over his own body. ]
Thought you said you couldn’t hold it.
[ pointedly, he sends a look at keith’s cock, where keith is clearly holding. get it? he laughs a brief, slightly strained sound. he’s rather comfortable where he is, laid out between keith’s legs, so he won’t be pushing himself up even though he has the suspicion that something is going on here that he’s having trouble pinpointing. instead, he presses a kiss to the knuckles of keith’s fingers and then lays his head on keith’s thigh, staring up the length of his body to his face. ]
What’re you doing, babe? [ soft, curious, exasperatedly fond, he wants to understand, though he can’t help another bit of teasing. ] If you’d rather come on my face that badly, you can.
[ it isn't just shiro choking. in fact, as soon as the smooth column of shiro's throat convulses around his cock head, keith splutters on a choked moan as well. hand clamped desperately around the base of his cock, keith sweats through the smothering of his cock, snuffing out the growing thrum of an impending orgasm with nothing but grit and fingernails. he shudders and whines throughout, canines looking more like fangs as they pinch hard at his lower lip.
by the time the strangled high passes over enough that keith tentatively eases off on the vice grip on his cock, he's breathing hard through the unbearable throb of his balls and cock head, eyes glazed over and somewhat unfocused as the faint yellow of his sclera fade to their usual white. shiro is talking to him, but the godawful joke he's cracked about holding goes way over keith's head. he follows shiro's glance down to his cock, groans at the newly acquired row of flushed crescent shaped indents and slowly opens up his hand.
more damning is the fact that the lewd question shiro tops off his teasing with makes keith shiver visibly, a line of goosebumps climbing up his thighs as his cock gives a traitorous twitch. ]
Shiro, no -- I can't. We just started, I don't want it to be over already.
[ a little more clarity and keith might've been able to see the holes in his own logic, but in the moment the routinized approach to each of them getting off once and then parting ways is a hard memory to override. swallowing hard, keith lifts his hand to stroke shiro's cheek fondly. ]
Just... just let me enjoy this a little bit longer. Please?
[ oh, he likes that, doesn’t he? with his head laid on his thigh, shiro feels the pleased shudder going through this boy, as well as sees the twitch of that pretty cock. the pretty cock that keith is denying him, that is. initially, in that one-beat pause in-between words, shiro hears i can’t and feels something clench in the pit of his chest. one second and there’s a rush of disappointment, concern, confusion… but keith’s still talking, still explaining, and while the rest of it shouldn’t make a whole lot of sense, it does clear things up enough that shiro relaxes with slow-forming understanding.
over already…? keith thinks if he cums it’ll be over…?
shiro’s eyebrows draw in, forming a wrinkled knot, but keith is reaching for him and that’s all it takes for shiro to lift up, tilting his head into those fingers so keith doesn’t have to fight too far in his reach. now, he knows in some backwards way, keith is inexperienced with intimacy. but where in the world did he get the misconception that sex is a one-off game? they don’t talk about their sheet check-offs. shiro would think, maybe, that’s where; maybe keith only does enough to finish a requirement and then gets the hell out. but why would he associate the equivalent of a job or a punishment with shiro? because of anonymous?
… ah. this is because of anonymous, isn’t it?
it has to be, because shiro knows for certain that keith is capable of coming multiple times, even if that particular time has been heavily influenced. point is, shiro doubts this is a physical limitation. it’s simply a self-imposed limitation; one that shiro ought to correct quickly.
so, the knot relaxes and the exasperated fondness of his smile returns, the whole of him lifting as he gets himself up by the palms of his hands. ]
Who says it’ll be over? [ they have all night. they don’t have to be anywhere else. they don’t have to pretend to be anyone else, either. there is no fear of getting caught or cornered. so – ]
I know you have more than one orgasm in you. [ higher now, shiro crawls up keith’s body to hover over the stretch of him. he doesn’t bend down to kiss his mouth, but he does so to brush a sweet little thing to his cheek, the chasteness of it in stark contrast to: ]
I’m gonna wring every last drop from you… if you’d just let me. [ brat. and he does laugh at that; a brief, breathy thing against his cheek, lips still curled in a smile. ]
[ who says it'll be over? it's shiro's first question and it damn near short circuits keith's brain during the kneejerk attempt to answer. he opens his mouth, mumbling a stuttered: ]
The ru-.... [ before promptly falling into confused silence that's as subtle as the bafflement all but spelled out on keith's face. what rules is keith even talking about? the unstated one between him and anon about getting off and getting out? the one between him and shiro about not getting too close to others if it can be avoided? the prison rules that keith stubbornly spites by refusing to enjoy what is technically considered enjoyable? some unholy combination of all three things at the same time?
keith stares up helplessly lost as shiro hovers above him. just when the fuck did he even start caring about adhering to rules anyway? who is he right now, acting like some dazed virgin when he's had his mouth and ass claimed so many times before by shiro?
keith opens and shuts his mouth, trying to curb whatever ridiculous thing is happening in his head in tandem with the heavy throb of his balls. perhaps a little laughably, the only thing keith thinks to do is fucking nod. nod along like a good boy to the suggestion that he indeed can cum many, many times in one session, eyes going a pinch wider as he thinks back to that night anon -- shiro had fucked him while he was still more galra than human.
it's a dangerous box to re-open though because even in skipping through the memory of it, keith's dick gives another longing twitch as a low, hungry whine escapes his lips. is that what shiro wants to do to him now? make him cum so much and so often that he's rendered completely incoherent?
the shiver that rolls down his body spans keith in totality, from a subtle shake of his head as he tips it back on the pillow to show off his heavily marked throat down his curling toes. ]
Okay. I'll be good.
[ it's barely above whisper registers, but his voice is low and sultry. but there's one thing that has to be clarified, right? if shiro's going to try for what he did that night, then... ]
... but you mean spank not wring, don't you?
[ one day keith will understand his propensity to take things vey literally gets him in trouble. today is not that day. ]
[ … keith. spank every last drop from you. that doesn’t make any sort of sense. or it – could? the time that anonymous – keith – had been purple and tailed and filled with glands that only needed a whispering touch to come alive, shiro had given his ass a few smacks, both to watch that newly revealed ass jiggle and to ground himself in the moment. anonymous had seemed to enjoy it; not that anything taken from that night can be trusted as fact, seeing as he’d been pulverizing keith’s insides for most of it, even when said boy was stuck in a thirty-minute orgasm. shiro hasn’t gotten far enough into unpacking all their times together to start categorizing everything, but he would have put that in the category of things never to bring up. it is, in shiro’s mind, a little embarrassing, isn’t it? slapping ass while fucking isn’t all that uncommon, he supposes, but spank? keith specifically says spank.
keith wants shiro to spank him?
it shouldn’t be a heady thought. it shouldn’t have shiro going molten and wanting, body buzzing all the way to his fingertips that suddenly burn for connection. he could get himself to the edge of the bed, feet flat on the floor and drape keith across his lap. he could start with soft slaps to ease him into it and then go harder; hard enough to leave his skin pink and stinging. he could take breaks, to ease his fingers between his cheeks and fuck him with one, two, three, to feel his cock swell and drip against his thigh. maybe he could get keith to cum from it.
he groans against his cheek, nipping the barest amount at the high cresting of it before lifting his head. suspended above keith, shiro resists the urge to get his hips down and rub his dick against keith’s. instead, he weathers the throb and maintains some semblance of control as he smirks down at keith. ]
You tell me.
[ he fixes a calm, assessing look on the other, though the continued smirk off-sets it. his cock gives another throb and – god, it feels heavy as it hangs, pre dripping from the tip to splatter at keith’s skin. ]
Do you think you deserve some spanking after denying me your cock?
[ hindsight is a powerful tool, but more often than not leaves a fuck ton to be desired. it's hard enough to think when shiro crowds in his space and nips at his cheek like that, bodies so close that keith swears he can feel the heat radiating from shiro's cock, so in a sense a minor slip up in calling something a slap and a spank might have been inevitable? in any case, the question leaves keith burning up to the tips of his ears, like those stray drops of pre from shiro's dick is concentrated plasma.
thing is... keith and discipline have had a long history together and most definitely not in a sexual context. it's on his sentence sheet, it's been on emblazoned on those kink shame shirts that the warden sent out months ago and it's... something keith's only ever tangentially dealt with through a deluge of mind-shattering orgasms. even then,.. it looks like shiro wouldn't classify what happened then as spanking, huh?
keith swallows hard, his throat bobbing slow as he tries to take a more even breath while all of shiro's gaze is solely on him and his swollen lips, stiff half-dimes and cock and -- fuck. he makes a low, wanting noise from the back of his throat as he looks down the line of shiro's sculpted body and takes a good long look at his boyfriend's thick cock. the pinch of apprehension melts, as his head fills with half-formed images of shiro slipping in deep in his hole, flanked by reddened cheeks that perfectly mirror the size of shape of shiro's hands.
but fuck, being disciplined has been bad for so long that it makes keith genuinely wonder if shiro could make it good. maybe that's not a concern at all because shiro makes everything he thought was awkward and terrible about sexual intimacy something wonderful... and certainly thes spanks -- slaps, assplay whatever, had only made him cum harder before. so.....
keith lifts his gaze back up to meet shiro's eyes, brow furrowed in earnest determination to at least see this through, knowing that it's something shiro wwants. ]
Mm. I failed to follow through on your order to cum down your throat. It was insubordinate, sir.
you are, you are, i appreciate you at 7:30 AM. i've doomed us all.
[ he rather enjoys that about keith. he’s a daredevil. not that agreeing to some spanking from his own boyfriend is anything worthy of being dubbed brave in the usual sense, but it does require a certain level of boldness to put oneself out there like that. keith indulges shiro a lot, and it means a great deal to shiro that he does. he says yes far more often than he says no and while that doesn’t always equal the good, sane option, it certainly livens up their friendship.
god, he’s even tacking on a sir; this boy is spoiling him. shiro huffs a soft, amused sound, expression delighted and faintly awed, like he can’t quite believe that they’ve found themselves here. he’s excited, though, to make all those delicious images in his head come true. he starts first by resisting the urge to swoop back down to kiss keith deep and filthy, and instead, pitches his weight more heavily to his galra arm, his other lifting to cup the side of keith’s face. ]
Good. You’ve acknowledged your mistake. [ the heaviness of his voice does nothing to overshadow how pleased he sounds, even if the words come out gruffer. pushing his hand up then, he pulls back keith’s bangs to unobscure the entirety of that pretty face. ] That’ll earn you one less spank.
[ and he pulls his hand away. he pulls away entirely, actually. lifting further to untrap keith below him, shiro moves to the side and shoves his hand underneath the other pillow to pull out a bottle of lube that he, thankfully, had the foresight to stash there earlier today. ]
Though, who knows, by the end of this, maybe that will be considered its own punishment, rather than a reward.
[ it’s already a bit of a punishment for shiro. his cock continues to throb and ache, all the way down to his sack. mercifully, he gives himself a squeeze as he shifts over to the edge of the bed, throwing his legs over to sit on his ass. the lube is dropped close to his hip, slightly behind him, and then he’s looking over at keith. he offers up a cocksure grin, lashes fanned a little lower. his hand is back on his cock, but now, it’s to press his palm to it and hold it there against his abdominals, opening up the entirety of his lap. ]
Come. Lay yourself over my lap.
[ thickened thighs await him, shiro, of course, going the extra step of flexing his quads, just to showcase the clear cuts of muscle. ]
[ shiro moves away and keith takes one slightly hitched breath before pushing himself up to sitting, watching with an nervous chew and roll of his lower lip as his boyfriend grabs a bottle of lube from underneath a pillow. inexperienced as keith is, he manages to keep the knee jerk question why do you need lube for spanking? in check. and thank fuck for that because lube only has so many uses in this context.
feeling sheepish and wildly virginal all over again, keith gets to his knees and ducks his head, trying to get his hair to obscure the heavy blush still on his face. wrapping his mind around the concept of rewards and punishment sets off a flurry of heart palpitations that he tries to beat down with a swallow and a gentle clearing of his throat as he crawls over towards shiro. somehow it's easier to just stare at his boyfriend's hungry cock and be lured in closer than it is to actually be thinking about anything at all.
taking one glance up at shiro's face for a beat of reassurance, keith takes a deep breath then places his palms, one after another onto gorgeously muscled thighs, then keeps pushing past until his hips roughly line up with the center of shiro's spread legs. squirmy from some combination of nervous arousal, he pauses to gasp when his cock head grazes the inside of shiro's thigh, and shivers as he lays down flat, face and knees on the bedding with ass propped and raised up on his boy's legs. tension wraps visibly around his shoulders and back as he he shifts to get comfortable. in the end, he mostly succeeds in working himself up by rubbing his wet cock on quads. breath hitching, keith grits his teeth then grabs two fistfuls of the sheet and forces himself to relax. ]
How's this, sir?
[ is that good? does his ass look particularly spankable? keith catches himself asking the question and suddenly has no answer to the question of who he is anymore. it's all... fuck. this ought to be more embarrassing, right? ass bare, asking his boyfriend for a spanking and yet... everything about it feels a little too surreal and too overheated for his dick to do more than continue to ooze pre. he takes a deep breath, twisting his face to lie on his cheek. it's hard to catch a proper glimpse of shiro's face from this angle, but he knows shiro can see him this way and.... yeah. he wants shiro to see. putting out another breath, keith adds to the elevation of his ass by lifting up slightly on his knees. ]
Or like this?
YOU BETTER NOT GET ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE. DON'T EVEN JINX IT
[ keith’s breathtaking and shiro has to remind himself to breathe. he’s awkward, too. that much is apparent by that slow, careful crawl and settle of keith’s body over his lap, but even that is a fascinating watch. he’s pretty despite every nervous, uncertain twitch of his body, all lean lines and eager wanting. he makes shiro want so many things; things that shiro doesn’t even consciously realize he wants, not until he’s stumbling right into the desire brought alive by being with this boy.
fuck, it’s embarrassing how hard shiro is for this already. his cock keeps pulsing for it. keeps spitting pre, each throb working more out to have it beading and oozing. keith’s not any better and shiro resists the moan sitting ready in his throat, feeling how wet and solid keith is in his lap. he’s marked by keith in the boy’s own unique way and shiro finds he wants to leave keith sticky as well.
he removes his hand from his cock and it swings forward, straightening up from the hold against his abdominals. it taps against keith, a sharp, unexpected zip of pleasure working straight down his cock and then through the whole of him from the simple connection of skin meeting overheated, sensitive skin. he does grunt then, only to coo in approval as keith works his ass up higher, presenting himself that much more.
fucking hell, this boy doesn’t realize just how lethal he is on shiro’s self-control.
it’s a struggle. a sweet, yet tortuous struggle, that mutes shiro’s words for a moment, mouth suddenly dry and tongue entirely useless. one cycle of recentering breath and then shiro pulls together his wits, voice so husky and so raw that it sounds odd to his own ears. ]
Now you decide to be a good, cooperative boy. Funny how that works.
[ neither of which is a definitive answer to keith’s ask for direction, but the heavy weight of shiro’s flesh hand pressing against keith’s ass is its own granted approval. keith’s got quite a bit of meat there, so shiro’s hand doesn’t exactly dwarf the swells and curves of those cheeks, but it does have his dick reddening with flushed, heated feeling to see the span of his hand laid across him. the bit of pre sticking to that hand is now sticking to keith and gosh, it’s not nearly enough, but it is a start to how thoroughly debauched he is going to make this ass. ]
Is it that you’re trying to gain my favor? [ a beat, in which he spends shifting his gaze from keith’s ass to the turn of his face. another beat and shiro gets his galra hand in keith’s hair, clenching those fingers to catch strands and give them a pull. ] So I’ll go easier on you?
[ shiro's cock is a weighty thing, thick and full to grind his own cock against, and damn near overwhelming when it slots into his mouth or ass. keith is reminded of all that when it smacks his side and smears warmth on his flushed skin. honestly, he doesn't mean to groan just thinking about it, but there are cool fingers in his hair, pulling and keith mewls in answer, cock head painting a new line of pre on shiro's thighs as keith rocks into that firm grip before rolling to press back flush to the warmer hand on his ass.
in the back of his mind, keith wonders if he could cum just like this, grinding his cock against the solid muscle of shiro's legs all the while rocking back and forth between each of shiro's strong hands, flesh to metal, metal to flesh. the possibility alone is a little mortifying, and keith stills, breathing hard and a little grateful for the distraction of conversation.
but fuck -- how is he meant to answer that? does he answer honestly? or play into a role of some unrepentant delinquent who needs to be broken down into submission? the question swims in his head before keith remembers no hiding. this is meant to be something real between him and shiro for the first time, but he wonders if his real, nervous self is appealing. he drags in a deep, centering breath, twisting a little to hold shiro's gaze as best he can from the corner of his eye. ]
I always want your favor, sir.
[ he huffs, amusement partly swallowed up by another hitched breath. ]
But I don't want you to go easy on me. That's not how we are. I- I can take it.
[ heh. it's what he wrote to anon the day he lost his virginity. i want to feel it. i can take it. somehow, he never quite imagined saying those words out loud, but seeing the molten look in shiro's eyes and feeling the heavy press of his cock on his body, the words simply fall out keith's brain. ]
All of it. So give it to me.
i am leaving you on read here bc you left me on read elsewhere
[ another sir and not a single pushback. heh, so keith really is intent on being a good boy. color shiro surprised; he thought for certain that he’d have a mouthier boy in his lap. not that he is complaining. far from it, really. every instance of keith being cooperative and pliant, fuels shiro’s desire, broadening his ideas of how far he can push this. he’ll tread carefully, of course, but the more keith pants against the sheet and the more he rubs his wet cock against his thighs, the more shiro realizes that he isn’t the only one getting off from this power play. keith’s into it; really into it. or at the very least, is beginning to hand himself completely over to the absolute filth of the situation.
good.
his smile curls wider, lips parting to show his teeth. there’s approval in his face, though whether or not keith can appreciate it from his angle of sight, is hard to say. so shiro gives his hair another short tug and rubs his palm back and forth, sideways, across keith’s ass, gradually pressing harder to work into the split of those cheeks.
he can take it, huh? of course he can. in a general sense, keith is built strong enough to withstand even the most detrimental of circumstances. but in less general senses? in more sexual situations? well, the things they did anonymously give shiro confidence that this boy can indeed take some harder slaps. and maybe keith actually does deserve some intense spanking. not for stemming his own orgasm before, but for coaxing shiro into taking his virginity. yeah, shiro’s been shuffling through memories and the pieces have begun to click. it’d been a matter of days in-between keith’s asking shiro and then keith saying he gave his virginity away to someone else; in that span, there’d been a renewed connection with anonymous and if keith has always been shiro’s anonymous…
holy shit. so he took keith’s virginity, only to agonize over not being keith’s first for weeks, months, to this day. there’s still something of concern here; to know that keith cared so little for his own safety and own comfort, to stick his virgin ass to a door and assure that he can take it is something shiro should be upset about. keith knows better than that. but considering shiro benefitted from that lapse in judgment, well… it’s easy to lose sight of disappointment at present. it only makes him feel warmer, harder, dizzier with desire. ]
Okay, baby. [ voice still rough and heavy. ] I’ll give you everything.
[ everything encompasses a lot more than his hand or this moment. soft sentimentals aren’t for here and now, however, so the thought is lost under the much headier intentions. he loosens his fingers in keith’s hair, though he doesn’t move his hand. he merely keeps it there, the weight adding to the hold down. as for his flesh hand, he slows his rubbing and pauses, only long enough to circle his index around the birthmark on his left cheek. with that, he draws his hand back. and back. and back…
he has a wide, gaping space, hand held open and ready. one, two beats and then he sucks in a breath, holding it through the snap of his arm as he brings his hand back to keith’s ass. the slap of connection rings loud. it startles even shiro, though he makes no indication of it. he could hit harder and maybe he will in time, but for this first spank, he’s testing the waters with just enough force that it’ll sting, but do no actual damage. ]
[ baby. it's not the first time shiro's called him that, but the pet name hits differently when he's sprawled ass up and on his knees over shiro's lap, waiting for a proper spank. does keith like it? frankly, he's not sure, but it's hard to hold onto a thought when shiro's hand drags across his ass and puts friction on the split of his cheeks. heat blooms hot across his face, pale skin going pink under the steady press of shiro's galra hand.
keith swallows hard, shoulders and thighs tensing as shiro prods at a particular spot on his ass. he opens his mouth, tempted then to sass a bit with: it's a freckle, it ain't coming off sir. but that hand abruptly pulls away, leaving behind only the shadow of heat before his ass suddenly feels cold.
everything is what shiro said. I'll give you everything and keith doesn't know how to take that right now. should he be expecting something light to ease him into this? something more brutalizing? anon -- shiro -- had ignored it when keith said he could take it -- hard, punishing and all-encompassing to forget all sense of time and space. no, instead, shiro had pushed his way inside gently, with endless patience for each slow inch gained as keith struggled to open up for him.
keith had wondered even back then why anon had refused him and instead took the time to properly ease him into taking his first cock. after all, it's not like keith had specified anything about his virginity. if anything, he'd done his best not to come across virginal because... well, what exactly did his virginity mean here? if it weren't for shiro, the first thing that would have fucked him deep that way would've been a sex robot continuously hitting him with dose after dose of aphrodisiac. there's no value ascribed to something like a first time here, and for all of keith's vague half-formed thoughts about losing it with someone he likes, it's not as though there's anything inherently special about the first time someone slots a dick in his ass. in much the same way that the first time he'd given a guy head in the library wasn't anything romantic or sweet or ... ]
Aah!
[ shiro's open palm cracks on his ass, and keith yelpss, more startled than pained. chest heaving, he gasps noisily through his mouth, head lifting and pushing up against shiro's galra-hand before he relaxes back down, cheek flat against the sheet. the stinging comes a split second after the slap, making both his cock and hole twitch as keith reflexively clenches his ass like that might accomplish something. his breathing goes ragged for several beats before the sting disperses and turns into warmth that pulses with his beating heart.
keith grips the sheets tight between his fingers, groaning something low and filthy as his breathing evens out and steadies. he looks towards shiro again, trying to catch his boyfriend's eye as he flashes him a slow,grin flushed with arousal. ]
I'm not a baby. Do it again.
[ so much for being a good boy who just takes orders, huh. ]
my first tag was wholesome and yours was filth, ic how this year is going to pan out
[ well, fuck. there goes shiro’s last hope that this wouldn’t become a thing for him. keith’s reaction is breathtaking. shiro doesn’t get off on pain, it’s not that at all, but he does enjoy a challenge. this is testing the boundaries of what is expected of him and him daring to defy them. this is him pushing keith to an edge and patiently waiting him out, to see what he does. it’s as keith said before: that’s not how they are. they don’t curb challenges and water them down into easier, safer options. they push each other. they goad each other. they excel together.
he’s just so fucking responsive. it’s not a new realization. even with barriers between them, shiro had been able to pick up on anonymous’ responsiveness, from the generous fluttering of his hole for the barest stimuli to the wild abandon of pushing his body closer, harder against the door to meet shiro’s mouth or take more of shiro’s dick.
nonetheless, even though expected, it’s not as though he pictured it just right in his head of how keith would take a slap. the boy’s body shifts with it, absorbing some, but still driving forward to push his hard cock against his thighs. shiro’s cock brushes against him, too, and dammit, it doesn’t nearly undo him, but his metaphoric grip on himself slips. cock warm and heavy, wet and pulsing… shiro tries not to give that desire any more control, but it’s difficult to keep his mind clear and unfogged when keith is pushing up into his metal hand, only to collapse back down, groaning low and throaty into those tightly clasped sheets.
hand still solid to keith’s ass, shiro keeps pressure to where his palm has landed, and then, slowly, gives the boy’s ass a brief rub. dragging his gaze away to look to his ass, shiro gently peels back his hand with a tilt of his wrist that keeps the pinky side of his hand still glued to those cheeks. he’s peeking; only wanting to get a glimpse of pale skin beginning to pink. it’s far too early – or perhaps he hasn’t hit hard enough – but he supposes he can be patient.
i’m not a baby. do it again.
… yes, he can definitely be patient. he makes the mistake of looking to keith’s face, again feeling his control slip at the unfiltered, raw show of arousal found there. he clicks his tongue to feign aloofness and then shifts his gaze away again, hand pressing flat to keith’s ass again. ]
I must’ve misheard. [ and then his hand is moving again, this time lifting completely. not to pull back for another spank; no, not yet. instead, his fingers tease in the split of his cheeks, brushing dry, too dry fingertips against his hole. ] That couldn’t have been you ordering me to do something.
[ he scrapes his fingernail at his rim, huffing a low, amused sound. ]
[ what keit is quickly learning here is that shiro's hands are incredible. one moment they're stinging and unyielding, the next the glide is soothing and tender. the whiplash makes his heart jump in his chest as he breathes out heavily, trying to relax the tension of his gluteal muscles. the attempt only lasts as long as shiro starts slipping fingers between cheeks and prods at his hole.
instinctively, the tension comes shooting back with a sharp intake of breath. keith knows better, but it's been a while since he's been touched there, let alone had his hole played with without lube, so when his rim is gently pulled open, his hole winks and flutters desperately to stay tightly puckered, dick twitching yet again on shiro's thigh.
keith's face likewise scrunches in a tiny grimace, though after a beat his expression clears with a huff of amusement. what exactly is there to be worried about here, anyway? it's not like shiro would really slip fingers inside without lube, right? then again, maybe perhaps keith shouludn't be so sure, considering the array of secret kinks his best friend has. a more rational version of keith would have really considered that more before opening his mouth. in fact, a rational keith might have held back on sass entirely. instead.... his grin turns a little coy. ]
[ shiro has a conundrum. he’s losing ground in this game of theirs. sex is a partnership, so he should be delighted by keith’s lip – and he is, truly – but he’s stuck on the powerplay and the headiness of his chosen role. conceding so quickly to keith’s demands would be enjoyable for both of them, it’s true; however, drawing it out with a denial, to make keith pout and squirm against his thighs would also be immensely satisfying to witness. so which does he want more for keith and for himself?
he grins, helpless to the reflex to, and shakes his head in a slow, fondly exasperated way. throughout, his fingers continue to brush, the hook of his index pressing a little more, to test and edge keith closer to the point of too much. ]
I did and I think you’re far too mouthy for someone draped across my lap.
[ shiro isn’t ignorant to keith’s tightness. his pink, winking hole wants to keep clenching closed and keep his prodding fingers out. perhaps it’s keith’s own retaliation. perhaps they will keep escalating this, denying and teasing each other to frustration until the damn of desire breaks and subsequently, one of them with it. shiro intends for keith to be the one pleading, so, he starts with pulling his hand free to grab the lube bottle. ]
I decide when you get your next spank. Right now, you’ll just have to settle for this.
[ a squirt nozzle at the end makes it easy to tip the bottle over and drizzle lube directly. he squirts at the top of his crack, letting the slickness slide down and find its own way to his hole. shiro slicks up his own fingers of his flesh hand and then drops the bottle, nozzle closed. and then he’s touching his slick fingers to that slick hole, the utter excess of wetness briefly reminding him of keith’s purple, self-lubricating ass. he groans, part grateful that keith isn’t privy to where his thoughts have gone. ]
Remember to relax.
[ and let him in, because his fingers are playing once more, the pad of his index pressed flush to the center of that opening. a slight curl and then he’s testing with a push. ]
[ shitshitshit. the dry fingers keep adding incremental pressure against the clench of his hole, making keith gasp at the stretch. confidence waning in his assetion that shiro wouldn't finger fuck him dry, he opens his mouth with surrender all but on the tip of his tongue.
for better or for worse, the hand pulls away abruptly, and keith is left with the uncertainty of what he's settling for exactly. cold lube splashes on his ass, making him clench and flutter again as the slick rolls down between his cheeks, on his hole and down the back of his balls. keith shivers, again briefly bucking up into the metal hand keeping his head down before settling back down. toes curling and uncurling, he closes his eyes and lets out a deep, even breath.
he knows what's coming before it's announced, but no specifics. is it one finger? two? three? breathing consciously deliberate, keith holds shiro's gaze through the corner of his eye and groans when a finger pushes squarely on his hole, then breaches. ]
Nngh...
[ moan partly stifled, keith's cock twitches in time with the clench and unclench of his hole as keith breathes through the reflex to push the digit back out. ]
Fuck. [ eyes closing, his voice is heady, the words barely maintained above whine register. ] How do you do this to me? You barely put anything inside and I feel hot already.
[ he huffs, groans then relaxing further into a show of obedience, he murmurs while releasing the sheet with one hand to brush his fingers against the cool metal of shiro's wrist. ]
Tell me what to do.... how to be perfect for you.
OKAY TRUE and it touched my lil heart ; ~ ; ty for being so kind
[ that’s right. he’s barely put anything inside. he’s tempted to slide his middle finger to his index and jump right to two, deep-diving fingers. the game here is about punishment, right? pushing the limits, teasing the boundaries, pretending that giving keith pleasure is some sort of lesson to be learned… – two would be a lot at first, but keith’s taken far larger things than fingers. he’s even taken these fingers multiple times. but even as he thinks this, he keeps himself at bay, because this isn’t riding the coattails of an anonymous hookup. it’s been close to a month since he last stretched keith open and while he doubts keith has been celibate in terms of his own touch, shiro doesn’t actually know what it is keith’s been doing to and for himself these past weeks.
does he finger fuck himself in the shower? does he have himself a toy to sit on when he’s alone in his cube? maybe, maybe not. all shiro knows is that keith’s body tensed up the moment he brushed his hole. patience. whatever ridiculousness they get up to in this verbal sparring of theirs does not, by any means, take precedence over keith’s comfort. so he sinks in slow, drawing enjoyment from the clench of keith’s body and the breathlessness of his voice. shiro said it before, that he could pleasure keith for hours, and that thought still rings true. his own dick might protest to it – it currently is, with it flushing dark and weeping pre at the tip as it throbs there against keith’s side – but shiro would thoroughly enjoy sitting just like this, mapping out keith’s insides with slow moving fingers. inevitably, he’d work up to his mouth and to his dick, to thoroughly claim this ass. for the time being, though, he has to admit that the vantage point is unbelievably good.
he watches his finger disappear and watches his hand butt, only drawing his gaze away from those beautifully split asscheeks when keith touches at metal. the laugh that comes next is soft, an air of chiding to it that is only meant in fondness. ]
Oh, Sweetheart, you’re already exactly as I like.
[ he may play pretend at taking issue at keith’s mouthiness, but he’s thoroughly enjoying himself. easy to when keith is gorgeous and open, so incapable of muting the wants of his body as he involuntarily chases after shiro’s touch or pants for more. he’s lovely to watch and to listen to, and shiro feels absolutely spoiled having keith docile and willing, here in his lap. ]
I couldn’t dream of anyone better.
[ he wriggles his finger around inside, teasing the smoothness of muscle, only to draw out until the tip, to his nailbed, is kept inside. he circles it around, widening the twirl to press against the rim and force the stretch wider. ]
See – feel that? You open so beautifully for me. [ he sinks back in shortly thereafter, testing the give of keith’s body through a few, following thrusts. throughout, he brushes hair back from keith’s face, trailing metal fingers down his neck to rest, now, over the hard knob at the top of his spine. ] It’s so easy being with you.
[ the name comes easily, little care given for how ragged and breathy his voice has become in a matter of seconds. he's not a stranger to having his hips grabbed to forcibly meet a hard thrust of shiro's cock and hips, but keith's brain keeps short circuiting anyway. taking a single, well lubed finger isn't difficult comparatively, but doing so while looking at shiro's face and bathing in his praise and approval takes keith too a whole different plane of existence, new resonant planes and dimensions opening up before his eyes as that finger tugs a demanding circle at his rim.
how embarrassing would it even be if keith came to the pressure of a finger nudging gently back and forth over his gland while his boyfriend keeps him pressed down at the neck, whispering dirty sweet nothings? keith mewls, shivering as he grips the sheet with both hands once more to edge his hips back and forth to fuck himself on shiro's index. ]
Easy for you, maybe.... [ he puffs out a laugh, only to suck in a sharp breath when shiro hits depth and sends a jolt straight to his cock. ] I want you so much and you keep teasing me, sir. What if I really wanna feel you?
[ … oh. look at him move. shiro pauses in the motion of his hand and merely holds position, letting keith’s body make up the difference as it rocks back and forth over his one finger. fuck, why is it only one? keith’s babbling things again and shiro’s listening, of course he’s drinking up every one of those breathy words, but he is absentminded in his attention, eyes fixated on the point of contact. there’s a question being posed to him, to which shiro draws his voice out on a hum and then, on the forward roll of keith’s hips, he slips his middle finger along his index, pushing it past keith’s rim and getting it in position to be engulfed on the next backward push.
keith’s body takes it well. pleased, shiro rubs the metal of his hand in the space between his shoulderblades and then back up, higher this time, to rest over his neck. he laughs. ]
If. [ he weaves fingers through his hair, still there at his neck, and gives a tug by fisting into his palm. ] Heh. No sense in being coy, Keith. It’s obvious you want to be filled. You’re fucking yourself already.
[ it isn’t good enough though, huh? which does he want more though? more fingers? his tongue? his cock? just thinking about rearranging this boy on his lap and bending him forward so he can slide him down, over his cock has him throbbing harder, to the kind of pleasant pain that makes him want to squirm. stubbornly, he stays still, refusing to concede even an inch. he does, however, coo and sigh, leaning low to hover his mouth close to keith’s ear. ]
Do you have any idea how hot you are right now? [ he groans, fanning hot breath over his ear. ] Damn, Keith – you’re amazing.
[ and then he sits up, eyes once more on the gorgeous display laid out over his lap. he’s still got two fingers pressed inside keith, the motion of his hand meeting every rock of keith’s body… up until this last one. there’s a shift in his voice, the breathy wonderment gone; replaced by a lower, more sultry pitch, voice playfully chastising. ]
But you’re impatient, too. [ he pulls his fingers free. he keeps going though; the whole of his hand pulling back, further and further and… ] Taking things I haven’t given you yet.
[ he brings his hand back in a sharp line. his palm collides with keith’s ass for a loud slap, only pausing for a beat before he pulls his hand away again, lining up but not bringing it down just yet. ]
What have I told you about patience? [ then, he brings it back down, spanking him again. ]
[ if indeed. there's little point to playing up any plausible deniability with his desires that way when it's abundantly clear what it is keith wants. shiro's hand isn't even moving anymore, leaving keith to rut pitifully back and forth onto what little shiro is willing to give, and still the constant friction of his cock on thighs keeps him teetering on the edge of simply abandoning this show of good behavior. all it'd take is a solid dig of nails into the mattress for leverage to go ahead and give his boyfriend's thighs a proper fucking.
but on the next roll back of his hips, the stretch at his rim doubles with the unexpected addition of a second finger and keith moans helplessly as his own momentum forces him to open for it. ]
Fuuuuck…!
[ keith drags out the mewl, partly muffling it into the sheets as shiro rubs between his shoulder blades and then shifts pressure back on to his neck. bad move, evidently, or is it a good one? with keith's head swimming the way it is, he can't say he wholly remembers if he's meant to be bad or good or what precisely earns him punishments and what earns him a reward. all he knows is that there are fingers combing thorugh and yanking at his hair and keith abandons his mouthful of sheet to whine and lift his head to hold whatever position his boyfriend demands.
shiro's hand is moving again, meeting his ass for deeper thrusts and keith's breath becomes nothing but a collection of gasping and pitched noises whenever fingers bully his prostate. but the most damning part of it is having shiro bend low to murmur praise right by his ear. keith keeps his eyes open to look, but the his focus is lost to a vortex of urgency and burning as the rolling jolts zipping from his ass to his cock whittle away what's left of keith's minimal composure. ]
Oh fuck, sir, sir! I'm gonna -- please!
[ the pleading turns to an outright sob of frustration as shiro pulls out, leaving his slicked hole to gape and flutter around the negative imprint of warm fingers. ]
Shiro, please I wanna cum, I need – ahhh!
[ the spank comes down and keith buckles with a loud drawn out groan. the crack reverberates in his ears, then the stinging bursts across his backside. compared to the things keith's endured over the last year or so, this low grade throb is nothing. but it doesn't matter how many times keith tells himself that because he's never endured anything like this while his dick was throbbing, one fucking touch away from unloading two ruined orgasms worth of cum. keith shivers, trying to steady his breath, but there's a second spank that lands exactly where the first one did, and keith isn't able to hold back a long pitiful wail as his body trembles uncontrollably.
it's not just that his ass feels red-hot and tingly under shiro's hand, it's that his entire pelvvis is fucking throbbing, pulsing hard with his heart that's now beating so loudly in his ears that keith swears it's physically in the cube, on their bed, beating and ready to detonate. words fail him completely, reduced to nothing but stuttered stop-starts as his mouth tries to form sounds around growing fangs. unfocused eyes take on a yellow sheen as keith tries to come back into himself through the constant thrum of desperately needing, wanting and not getting any kind of release. ]
Puh…puh… patience yields fucking focus, I know! I know. I just – lemme cum once! Please, sir, I can't – I can't do this! I need to, I need you, please!
Edited (im going to eat this html) 2023-01-09 07:21 (UTC)
what about when you're talking about people being trampled at walmart
[ unbelievable. he thought keith was breathtaking before, but now… goodness, now look at him. palm laid flat to keith’s ass, shiro rubs soft and slow at the abused skin, all the while watching keith tremble in the aftermath. there’s so much to look at and shiro is near frantic in his greed to see all of it: the tight curl of those hands, the shudder of his frame, the clench of his hole when he moves his hand just right to get a glimpse. he’s fucking gorgeous. his face, of course, is beyond comparison and soon enough, shiro’s gaze lands on that half-turned face. it isn’t enough. not only because he's gifted with only half, but also due to the amount of hair that continually clumps and obscures by easing back into position.
momentarily abandoning his placement at keith’s neck, shiro pushes the hair out of keith’s face once more to open up those eyes. those eyes that are not as they have always been, and not just in the sense that they’re glossy and unfocused. the sclera is yellowed. the irises seem smaller? narrower? he blinks and drops his gaze to that panting mouth, seeing pointed tips behind slack lips. it’s a watered down version of what shiro saw almost two months ago but it doesn’t take long for him to find a conclusion and jump right to it. ]
Holy shit.
[ you’re turning galra, though he never finds the voice to actually say it. it’s an alarming thought. a concerning thought, too. they should stop and evaluate what it going on here, because how is that even possible? did keith enroll in another clinical trial? honestly, he doesn’t actually get that far in his thought process. he stalls at turning galra and then swings heavily to his memory bank to dig up one in which he had anonymous on his hands and knees, stroking at his insides as his tail swished and his violet skin flushed a dark purple. ]
Keith. Fuck.
[ it’s so breathy. so weak on his tongue, because he’s simply gone with the pile of questions forming in his head. is he going to sprout a tail next? turn purple? is he going to pop a constellation of prostates and mewl for another half-hour orgasm? ]
Yeah. [ still too weak. he forces strength into his voice. ] Yeah, fuck, you need me so bad. [ desire makes him sloppy; he’s heavy handed in the way he pulls more hair out of his face, making sure it doesn’t fall back into place. desire makes him mouthy, too. ]
Love you begging for it. Love you straining for it. Love you… [ he cuts off for a throaty groan, having moved his hand between keith’s ass cheeks, and there, at the first brush of his still slick, sticky fingers, his focus shifts. ]
You’ve earned this. [ he shoves two fingers in to his bottom knuckles and immediately scissors them apart, brushing deep and brushing hard, trying to map him out a constellation to follow. ] So take it, baby. Fuck my thighs and cum all over me. Do it, do it now.
LISTEN i take no joy in that??? i was merely making cultural observations.
[ wound up so far beyond endurance, keith's head is nothing but electric currents and static. he can't hold onto a single thought, let alone parse out what it is that shiro wants from him at this point. completely at the whims of his boyfriend, keith keeps trembling, overwrought with beautiful tension as he blinks back moisture from his eyes. what's coming next? another lecture on patience? a spank for his failure to listen? another round of building up to a precipice? actual release?
fuck he doesn't know. the uncertainty lights some primal part of his lizard brain on fire, screaming deliriously at a breaking point as shiro tugs sharply at his bangs to clear the hair from his face. keith groans so loudly, no longer fucking caring about shows of restraint or self preservation, blearily staring back at shiro, open mouthed and panting heavily, his one visible eye now a slit iris with a dilated pupil.
frankly, keith isn't even seeing straight. he's coming apart at the seams and fuck, keith has never allowed anyone to see him like this. the entire universe collapses down to just shiro's face, his voice, his touch, the incredible heat coming off his body – everything comes down to the bond he has with this best friend and...
...he's been here before. in another life, there'd been a moment where keith had held on tight to an unconscious shiro's wrist, free falling towards an abyss and nothing else in the universe had mattered.
love you begging for it. love you straining for it. love you...
the noise that escapes keith's lips is one he has no control over. something visceral and animalistic in its yearning, unchained and unrepressed for the first time in months comes tumbling straight out of his throat, his fucking soul, keening and pitched on the verge of shattering into sobs.
love you...
of all things shiro could have said to him, it really had to be that, here and now, when keith doesn't have his guards up or the mental energy to carefully reconstruct the barriers around his feelings, huh? no. instead, shiro holds him down to bask in the taste of something keith had written off as an impossible, futile and stupid thing to chase after.
but of course shiro doesn't stop to let a reeling keith recover. slick, spread fingers push right back into his hole and keith screams as shiro bullies his way up a line of sensitive, drooling glands. hole fluttering uncontrollably, the scream peters off into hitched breaths as keith whines, voice cracking and pitched high. ]
Shiro! Fuck, please – please,, wanna hear it again!
[ desperate and tailspinning, keith arches his back, deepening the curve of his spine. hands clench tight around fresh handfuls of mangled bedsheets, thighs shakily inching further apart as keith sucks in a deep breath and slams his hips down, cock rolling hard over shiro's quads. it's completely mindless, keith seemingly having no awareness whatsoever for the way slick drips profusely from his hole, or for the subtle purpling of his skin where he's flushed hot. his pacing is frenetic, dazed, nothing more than a series of quick hard jerks of his hips to get enough friction on his cock to tip his head back and wail shiro's name as his body thrums, mind ascending as his balls pulse and empties shot after shot of cum. ]
UH HUH. walmart is our place of worship apparently
[ keith isn’t the only one completely out of his mind. keith’s unraveling. not through a peephole in the door, not hidden before him under a sheet, not in some guilty pleasure dream that has shiro waking up sticky with more than just sweat. no, he’s right here, laid out like an offering, unfiltered and unapologetic as he follows shiro’s orders to a t. holy fuck, the way he moves. he’s mesmerizing, to the damning point that shiro can’t be bothered to give any bit of his precious focus to anything beyond committing every twitch, jerk and roll of keith’s body to memory. the sounds he makes, too. shiro wishes he had some way of bottling them, because there’s not a chance that he’ll be able to mimic those desperate pitches when he’s alone and drifting, teasing himself with snapshot clips of his moment.
so yes, shiro is intent on giving keith everything he needs to keep him moving, to keep him mewling. no longer will he be reprimanding keith for casting orders when he lacks the authority for it; they’re on level ground. the hitch comes not due to shiro being resistant, but because he doesn’t follow what it is. he’s said a lot of things in the span of a few ticks, his short term memory held exclusively for keith and not so much for whatever filth comes tumbling out of his own mouth.
wanna hear it again? hear what again? that he’s so hot shiro can’t think straight? that he loves watching him? that keith’s earned rubbing himself off in shiro’s goddamn lap?
keith’s full tilt on that last one, cock pushing and grinding against shiro’s quad, into his quad, like he’s trying to fuck a channel through the muscle. shiro flexes from abs to thighs, because it helps distract him from the throb of his own cock that keeps jostling with the movement of keith’s body. so that’s it, huh? ]
That’s it. Fuck me. Cum, baby, you have to show me. [ he’s cooing to a fever pitch, the movement of his fingers ruthless as he follows keith through every rock, pressing hard at every gland he finds. ] Wanna see it so badly.
[ it doesn’t take long for keith to find the precipice of his pleasure and go tumbling off… but it does take a long time for him to find the bottom. is he going to find it? warmth splatters thick over his thighs, catching in the space between them to glob stickily. shiro moans encouragingly, a pinch painfully, because his own cock is twitching and throbbing and – not quite there. but it’s okay, it’s fine, watching keith shake apart is better than chasing after his own orgasm. so it can wait. he can be patient.
… really patient…? the seconds tick by and they’re up to twenty. his fingers are still embedded deep, fingertips at a gland that he hasn't quite backed off from. he thinks then, of anonymous with his purple skin, tail and hidden gems inside his slick sloppy hole. he’s missing the tail, but he’s got the eyes, the fangs, the constellation and the lavender skin, so shiro has to wonder… does he have the potential to whine into the bedding for another twenty-nine minutes? he presses hard into the gland, greedily drinking in the immediate reaction. he’s dreamed of this. he’s lusted for it again and again, never believing that he’d truly get another chance at it, but keith is full of surprises, isn’t he? is it possible to draw this out of him every time? shiro’s heady with the thought, the cogs in his head sluggish and slow moving with the heavy dousing of lust.
but time is sobering. the minutes pass by and while shiro continues to play, to keep keith toeing at the edge, sometimes crossing over it again, he begins to weaken in his drive. he’s torturing himself. and keith, too. as much as he wants this boy sobbing into the bedsheets, he doesn’t want to ruin him for the night. that’s what he did last time and that isn’t as desirable as he once thought, not when shiro is dying to get his cock inside this boy. keith’s hitting another breaking point and it does it for shiro; he can’t maintain through another hitch and moan of his name. his cock pulses and abruptly, shiro pulls his fingers out to wrap them around himself instead, following keith quickly with a one-two pump of his fist.
he chokes on breath, grating out something garbled and messy as he spills himself into the curve of keith’s lower back. white stands out against lavender and it’s gorgeous, really, how globs of it sink into the twin dimples of his pelvis. coming down, he sucks in lungfuls, doing very little to mask the heaviness of them. blinking down at keith, he watches his face for one, two cycles of breath and then can’t stand the distance any longer. ]
Absolutely stunning. [ he’s bent low again, moving his hand so he can place a surprisingly sweet kiss to his cheek. ] You did so good, sweetheart.
[ and then he shifts his thighs, rubbing them together with a pleased hum. ]
I can feel it – how much you blessed me with. You really needed to cum, huh.
LISTEN. I AM ONLY POINTING OUT POINTS ONF DIFFERENCE.
[awareness is a fucking dream and bygone conclusion. the fact that the pleasure is unrelenting, wave after wave pulling him back under a thick fog of bliss every time keith so much as tries to resurface is familiar in a way that lulls him into being nothing more than a drooling, mewling mess , ass up but boneless on shiro's lap.
even so, the familiarity in a context that doesn't involve side effects from unwittingly participating in clinical trials and existing in an outright galra form should be fucking horrifying. keith registers as much from a million miles away, the utter chaos of his hybrid body with all its raging, unpredictable hormones little more than a point of detached absurdity. never mind the fact that slick from his ass makes shiro's fingers squelch with every poke and prod and tease, or that his skin is flushed lavender. it's all .. a beautiful kind of oddity as the fingers inside him bully him through another high that makes keith' sob as more slick pulses out of his cock.
but through all of shiro's ministrations and care, it's hard not to keep coming back to the fact that shiro didn't say those two words again. love you continues to echo in keith's head, the only thing he really manages to attach himself to in all of this free falling entropy. love you. keith squeezes his eyes shut, blinking away moisture. love you. it'd been sweet at first, but the empty void of listening for a mirage makes keith ache.
shiro doesn't notice though.. his boyfriend's fingers keep prodding and bullying and keith's overly sensitive, overheated body responds with another tumbling crash, keith helpless in his open mouthed moaning as his cock spills another dribble of cum. but after that, those fingers are pulled right out, and keith slumps, panting and sweaty as he watches shiro furiously jerk himself off.
heat spurts onto his lower back and keith shivers as it trickles and wells. he ought to say something, but clarity refuses to come to him right away. he sucks in several grounding breaths, desperate to regain some coherency because ... fuck. everything between them just now was so much and keith doesn't want to ruin things by being careless. the electric thrumming of his skin fades bit by bit, and soon enough shiro kisses his cheek., the movement of thighs jostling his soft cock and belly.
perhaps characteristically, keith is ineloquent. he groans like he's been kicked in the stomach, then tries to roll off shiro's lap to lie on his back. chest heaving, it still takes him a few beats before he finally manages a hoarse little whisper. ]
... yeah.
[ he blinks, then rubs at his eye. the yellow fades first, but his irises are still slitted, tiny fangs still present. likewise, the lavender sheen slowly settles back to a normal pale peach tone. keith stares dumbly at his hands like it's the first time he's seeing them at all. ]
I've never turned purple before. Not like this. [ frowning, keith coughs and clears his throat though the improvement to the hoarseness is minimal. ] I- .... I don't get it, Shiro. I just ...
[ he swivels his head, to look up at his boyfriend, cutting himself off mid-babbling. ]
... You don't...think it's weird?
[ is he someone still worth loving, even if it's not worth repeating? ]
Edited (Shhhhh) 2023-01-13 16:35 (UTC)
i want you to know, that every time i go to walmart now, i think of this "cultural difference"
[ his lap is a mess. he helps keith through the roll and resettle, ending with the idle thought that, yes, now he has keith’s cum and his own cum mixing together, making the whole of his thighs even stickier. it isn’t an unpleasant thought; quite the opposite. still thrumming warm and tingly from his orgasm, shiro is nothing other than smiles as he stares down at keith, from his heaving chest up to his changed eyes. those fangs, too. is it strange that he finds them cute? in another situation, perhaps the effect would be entirely different, but here, now, with keith panting in the aftermath, voice ruined and lips a touch glossy, those tiny, sharpened tips make the rest of keith’s pointed chin and angled face all the more soft in comparison.
he’s cute. he’s always been cute. and shiro’s spent so long trying to ignore that fact. not anymore, though. now they’re boyfriends and shiro can tell keith just how cute, pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, stunning he is. and perhaps he should do it much more often, because keith’s words take another direction and with them, shiro’s heated playfulness goes silent. seems they’re skipping over the pillowtalk and heading straight for a minefield. the thought isn’t unkind; it’s simple awareness. this is an echo of a conversation they’ve had before, when keith was deep purple with extra appendenses. shiro isn’t foolish enough to believe that would be the end of it. keith’s heritage is going to be a point of concern for many conversations to come, to which shiro doesn’t mind. he only wishes he were more efficient in bettering keith’s self-image.
so of course he isn’t going to agree to that. weird. in truth, yes, it’s weird because it’s different and it’s unexpected, but any explanation coming after an agreement would, he predicts, fall on deaf ears. instead, he gently corrects with a: ]
Unique. [ that’s the word keith is looking for here. taking one of keith’s hands in his then, shiro offers a patient smile. ] I think it’s unique.
[ which is not untrue. keith is unique. he’s a rarity in the universe and not simply due to his set of genes. ]
I’ll admit… I was a little concerned there for a tick. [ he concedes purely to give everything else he says more weight. ] But there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re exactly as you’re meant to be. [ his face softens, gaze utterly warm as he brushes bangs aside with his free hand. ] And I’m a big, big fan of who you are, Keith.
[ breathing comes a little easier when keith is sprawled out with his back pressed to the cool mattress rather than lying belly down on the warm sticky mess he's left on his boyfriend's thighs.... but only by degrees. still feeling far too hot, keith squirms and squeezes his thighs together like that might tamp down the sensitivity of his still fluttering hole.
but otherwise? his attention is solely on his boyfriend's sweet faced smile, heart fluttering rapidly in his chest as shiro takes his hand. keith grins slow and dazed, spreading his fingers wide to intertwine them with shiro's, the movement purposeful and slow to admire how much larger his boyfriend's hands are than his own. sturdy and strong – that's how shiro's always been in his eyes, and keith purrs loudly, happily, dragging their joined hands down over his beating heart.
Unique> not weird. big fan not love. intentional or not, shiro's doing quite a bit of word substitution today, huh? keith closes his eyes and laughs, giving shiro's hand a squeeze as he contents himself with if nothing else, he's accepted exactly as is. ]
You're the best, Shiro. And I think that's putting it mildly.
[ another squeeze, then keith puffs a hard exhale and sits up and crowd into shiro's space, hands on either side of his hips. wholly relaxed now, keith's eyes have returned to their regular shape and coloring as he holds eye contact. ]
Being with you is amazing. I feel so ... whole with you, you know?
[ certainly, he can't imagine ever allowing anyone to tease and provoke him the way shiro had to the limit of his endurance. even more so now, knowing that how his body reacts. knowing nothing else about his hybrid physiology, keith is sure he'll never come close to trusting anyone with exploring it the way he does shiro.
though that in itself is a cause for concern, isn't it?
he isn't meant to be getting attached. not like this. not when they have different realities to return when sentences are complete. not when they don't have a future together. pinching his lower lip between pointed fangs, keith drops eye contact and subtly shifts back. not wanting to spoil the mood entirely, keith tacks on a bit coyly: ]
Even though you didn't.. [ ah what's the word shiro used? ] bless me inside.
[ keith's purring never loses its novelty. shiro called it soothing the first time – and has revisited the sentiment the few times since that keith has been relaxed enough to have the sound to kick up in his chest. he’s of the same mind here, instantly soothed and relaxing further into a sense of security that overwhelms the longer the noise rumbles on. as long as they’re together here, no one will harm them or take away their happiness; that’s the vow keith gave him before, his self-proclaimed happy noise extending as the backdrop. that of course poses the question of what happens when one of them leaves or both of them leave; what then of their safety and happiness? shiro has yet to give it much thought, far more focused on the proceeding step of finishing their lists to even unpack what going back to voltron actually means for the two of them. and he doesn’t analyze it here, either. he simple smiles, exhaling a soft puff of amusement as keith shifts positions, never straying from hoarding his space.
yes. yes he does know. shiro came into this with experience and has acquired quite a bit more since, so he supposes that gives him some authority on discerning what good sex feels like. this is good sex. even as he thinks it though, he decides that falls so insultingly short of what this actually is. this is much more than mashing bodyparts together and letting hormones run wild. this isn’t about getting off as quickly as possible or using the other person to find a mutual high that’s both intense and fleeting. if anything, this feels a lot closer to something he used to have, with profound trust and affection, the other person’s pleasure just as, if not more important than his own.
he’s had that with keith for years now: trust and affection. so shiro has to wonder, when did things shift and broaden beyond friendship? here, in prison, of course that’s the answer, but the potential has been there, all the way back in his own reality, simply waiting for him to notice. so could he have this there, too? is it already there, just hidden due to his absentminded awareness for it? does he even want it there? because his keith isn’t this keith and… god, he’s not even sure that’s true anymore. this keith is his keith, now. he wants this keith, he adores this keith, which carries both a sense of elation and betrayal in one.
so guess he is thinking about it. briefly. faintly. it’s inner turmoil to wrestle with later, when he doesn’t have keith sounding coy right in front of him. slowly, shiro’s lips curl further, making the whole of his expression honey-sweet, whole body warmed with the affection that thrums through it, seemingly growing stronger with every beat-beat in his chest. ]
Not yet… [ he gets a hand to keith’s face, because he can’t not touch him. thumb swipes at his cheekbone, palm laid across the burn of his cheek. ] But that’s what we’re doing next… after a short intermission of recuperation, of course.
[ for both of them…? it’s been difficult to tell through the door and even the few times they tried a bed together – not counting the exceptional coupling of his galra form – but shiro suspects that keith has a much quicker turnaround than he himself possesses. youth, has been his explanation, as well as a smug congratulatory that he’s just that good that anonymous couldn’t help being so massively turned on. he supposes he’ll find out soon enough. ]
So what would you like me to do with my mouth in the meantime? [ he drops his hand slightly, now pressing his thumb to one of those fangs once more returning to his lip. he tests the point and coaxes it loose. ]
Tell you all about how wonderful you are? Or would you like me to kiss you all over… [ he leans in for a kiss, pressure soft over that pinched bottom lip. his other hand sweeps around keith in the pause, brushing featherlight at the split of his cheeks. ] … maybe even down here, too.
[ the fingers probing at his lip and teeth make keith release and relax, the purring only coming to a pause when shiro turns filthy suggestion towards his slicked up backside. after everything they've just shared together, it shouldn't be possible for his boyfriend to still make him blush like a virgin, but keith's cheeks flush warm and rosy.
of course, shiro's tasted him there before. it'd made keith anxious then, too, because surely ass can't taste great? in the end, keith's only gotten some indirect confirmation that it must not be awful if anon/shiro keeps doing it, which in turn became some sick, toe-curling guilty pleasure over getting fucked open in that way.
but there's a new unknown variable at play here now. the clear, musky slick dripping from his ass is something keith still can't wrap his mind around. shiro accepts it, accepts him, but truthfully it's a little mortifying. clenching subconsciously, keith holds eye contact for a long moment, searching shiro's face for that extra bit of reassurance before finally swallowing and speaking up. ]
I want... I want you to listen to me for just a bit.
[ a little more than listen. giving little regard for the sticky mess that's s coating shiro's thighs, keith climbs into his lap and cups his cheeks with both hands. ]
All that just now... it's because I trust you.
[ that's not news. keith's trusted shiro with his life for a long time now. the trust with his body is new – newer, rather, because it turns out with shiro being anon, that trust has been there for longer than keith himself knew. trying to unpack every implication from the library up til their last tryst in the poolside house is going to take time, but it doesn't change anything about the conclusion. keith arches up, leaning heavy chest to chest to encourage shiro to lie back on the mattress. ]
I trust you and I... [ love you? keith's expression fractures, briefly mangling his lower lip as he presses his forehead to shiro's. ... I guess, I just need you to know that this is special for me.
[ special. fuck what an understatement. heart beat-beating faster, keith splits his thighs to properly straddle shiro's hips and presses a sweet kiss to his lips. ]
[ is he self-conscious? it’s difficult to tell because keith does have a good poker-face when he puts all his effort into maintaining it. the pause is too long, however, and the redness of his face continues to be telling. it makes shiro think about the conversation on their way back to the cube. it’s not just the scandalized surprise surrounding the revelation that shiro enjoys putting his mouth there, is it? perhaps, it’s also that, even now, keith has difficulty accepting the notion of laying back, taking and enjoying what is freely given to him.
shiro’s still very much determined to break keith of that. pleasure is good. pleasure is great. it’s okay to enjoy pleasure in whatever way it’s given, even if keith’s level of participation boils down to spreading his legs. shiro wants to pamper him with pleasure, so really, he’s being a generous lover by allowing shiro all the means to to do just that.
almost all the means. seems keith is determined to deny shiro access to his ass. still a touch high from his orgasm, which makes everything floatier and warm and light, shiro would pout in a ridiculously playful manner if keith wasn’t crawling into his lap a second later. and cupping his face two seconds later. and nudging him backwards at three seconds later…
with his legs still off the edge of the bed, shiro engages his abdominals and slowly reclines, arms looping around keith to hold him through the movement. even as his back settles into the bedding, shiro keeps his arms around his boy. throughout, he watches keith’s face, to his eyes to his lips forming these words that give shiro the slightest sense of anxiety. it sounds like a set-up. i trust you but. there has to be a but, right? because everything he’s saying is… obvious. a given? perhaps that’s egotistical or overconfident or whatever of shiro to think as much, but shiro’s worked hard for that trust. he knows he has it.
just as keith has his. he knows that, doesn’t he? he should.
however, no but comes. keith has their foreheads pressed together and ends his words with a question. he blinks through a beat of surprise and then, abruptly, finds relief laced with humor. no big reveal, no grand twist… just the obvious stated by a sweet boy. ]
Okay.
[ he snags himself a second kiss, smiling through it. special, he calls it. even that is a given. they’re doing this because they want to, not necessarily to mark off sentences. they should though, huh. they could have their sheets done in a matter of days if they reviewed them together and made a plan. that’s the obvious solution to getting out of here… but shiro has yet to bring it up. why is that? ]
This is special for me, too. [ that’s why. it isn’t productive to become attached in this environment, but he’s gone and done that anyway. he ignores that inner, judgmental voice, instead focusing on keith. the walls are currently down, so the honesty comes easier and quicker, shiro not falling into his usual trap of self-editing. ] I fought this for a long time because I thought… well, because you are special and I wanted to protect what we had. But being with you… everything seems better when we’re together, like the universe finally makes sense.
[ the aftermath is a whole other realm of sex that keith's never explored in any meaningful way. not that this is the aftermath exactly, so much as it's what shiro called the intermission, but overall the point stands. there'd been that one tender moment between him and anon though, insofar that being held while covered in sheet counts as intimacy, but it'd ended with a kiss on his covered face and left keith brimming with guilt and longing afterwards.
considering shiro is anon, maybe it's not surprising that guilt and longing are still there as keith comes down from an afterglow. his hands never leave his boyfriend's face, eyes locked on shiro's grey ones as keith smiles, soft and warm, through the ache behind his sternum,
nice doesn't cut it as a descriptor, nor does good, really. it's such an unbelievable relief to hear that shiro considers this special, too. that even though shiro may be fucking other guys on the side that what they have together is different and meaningful, even if it's not exclusive.
but putting aside the messed up nature of being boyfriends in a place like this, keith might just fucking drown in the violent upswell of feeling that he's not supposed to be having. shiro's always been the brightest star in his universe, his anchor and guide through every battle he's fought as we;; as the reminder to never give up. on himself, on his dreams, on the universe. the moment keith had finally helped free shiro from within the prison of black's consciousness had been one of the happiest moments of his life.
and yet... keith had forgotten the cardinal rule of each of shiro's disappearances. his best friend comes back different each time, with more and more fragments chipped out of his soul. looking down down at this shiro now who looks back up at him with such adoration hurts -- painfully, irrationally and soothes all at once, like the fraying threads of their lives are being sewn back together.
this isn't how sex in the aftermath or intermission or whatever is supposed to feel.
keith mamages a sad laugh, quickly closing his eyes to press their lips back together for several long beats of chaste kissing that grows more demanding and dirty with parted lips and tongue. breathing ragged all over again, keith breaks away just enough to murmur against shiro's lips: ]
Shiro, I don't want to leave this place without you.
[ it's the fucking antithesis of what they're meant to be doing. they're meant to be checking things off, getting back to voltron. back to their own realities. the needs of the universe have always come before keith's own, but even thinking about returning to a reality where him and shiro don't still have this turns his soul to ice. ]
I know that's not the point. I just ... I want to be with you always.
[ shiro tries not to overthink it. their situation is a clusterfuck on every level and if he allows himself to pick it apart, he’ll spiral. so he sets a goal and fixates on that. that’s how he survived captivity with the galra. the goal was as simple as it could be: survive. wallowing in the deaths of those at his hands wasn’t allowed, neither did he grant himself the luxury of buckling to the druids. all of that came after, when he was physically free of captivity; that’s when his mind revolted, wiping clean to tangle up in a turmoil that he felt but couldn’t fully understand. this second stint in alien prison was meant to be much the same. he came into this with the full intention of soliciting himself through every needed checkmark… but then he found pidge and lance and hunk… and keith. the goal changed from getting himself out as quickly as possible to sticking around until each paladin left before him.
and so, things have gotten complicated in these past months.
he’s entangled himself with his best friend, going so far as to become his boyfriend, whatever that means in a place like this. even then, he’s tried not to analyze that decision too deeply, because he knows the moment he does, he’ll find it increasingly difficult to justify what it is that they’re doing. there is no future here. even if they weren’t the paladins of voltron and held responsible for the safety of their universe, they can’t stay in a place that compromises their autonomy each and every day. this is a doomed relationship.
they’re merely… what? enjoying each other until they go home? it sounds bad when put like that, but it’s the truth nonetheless. again, the thought that they ought to be focusing on their sheets together threatens to settle firmly in his head and derail him in the moment, but just as before, he brushes it to the back of his mind. it’s going to be more difficult after this. the last month has been about growing together and ensuring that tonight would be beneficial, rather than detrimental to their relationship. now, they’re in the process of achieving that, so what next will shiro focus on? what’s the next goal? the original one of finishing the sheet quickly?
god, he wasn’t supposed to become attached like this. neither was keith. but now keith’s talking about not wanting to leave without him, that he wants to be with him always. and frankly? it makes shiro swell and warm, absolutely delighted by the confirmation of keith’s feelings… but then he does exactly what he tries not to do: he overthinks it. there’s no possible way in which that can work and if they start hoping for some way… if they get sidetracked trying to make a way…
he thinks of his keith in his own timeline. he’s different from this one. they aren’t the same in action, nor in feeling… but perhaps the potential for something is there. that’s the only comfort he can find in all of this, though even that feels shallow and oddly unwanted. is that how keith feels about the shiro in his timeline? ]
You will be. [ he smiles a weak, brittle thing, eyes not at all matching the curve as they take on an apologetic shine. ] You have your Shiro waiting for you.
[ that reply shouldn't come as any kind of surprise or disappointment, but the blow lands like a one-two punch to the gut. without meaning to, keith grimaces and looks away.
his shiro. right. the one keith has barely talked to since his extracted from the black lion. in shiro's defense, there hasn't been much time or privacy since they lost the castle of lions, but still. there's so much between them that has gone unspoken over the course of the war that it's almost easier not to ta;k in some regards. what would shiro even say if keith were to tell him he's sorry that he didn't pick up on the clone situation sooner? that he's sorry he wasn't there when shiro was trapped in the black lion desperately struggling to reach out to the other paladins for help?
you couldn't have known. let's focus on the war.
a plethora of empty, dismissive pragmatism sound off leaving keith with nothing further to say. the thing is...? maybe he deserves that for having failed his shiro so miserably. and perhapsthe truth of the matter is that he's failing this shiro as well, by being a distraction. by failing to be transparent about the decline of their friendship in his reality. by making him second guess their proimary objective which has always been going back home to finish the war.
what the fuck does keith wanting to stay with him have to do with anything?
feeling increasingly stupid, keith bites the inside of his lip and hides his face in the hollow of shiro's throat. keith allows himself that safe respite for several beats before finally pulling himself together to face the fact that this shiro doesn't consider himself his shiro without fracturing.
with a deep breath, keith sits up enough to, eyes on collarbone rather than on his boyfriend's face and says as evenly as possible: ]
[ the cum isn’t even dry yet and here they are, talking about things that run the risk of turning this intermission into a permanent hiatus. keith sits up and shiro feels the dread fill his lungs with the next breath. he’s gone and said the wrong thing, hasn’t he? what they mean to each other and what the future holds for them is a conversation they need to have; truthfully, sex is the prime time to verbalize how they feel. but it’s tainted with the realization that how they feel doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. so why are they talking about it now, when they could have left it at special and kept to that blissful happiness?
it’s not keith’s fault, he reminds himself. shiro said too much, too, and encouraged the boy into the kind of honesty that their situation doesn’t allow for. even so, it’s easy to give into the general frustration: at prison sentences, at himself for becoming compromised, at keith for saying out loud the things he wants, that they both want but aren’t allowed to say…
and for cornering him with that.
caught off guard, he visibly hesitates, eyes blinking wider and hands squeezing, briefly, at keith’s hips. the answer is easy: yes. yes, of course, he misses the keith from his reality. that keith is the brat kid who stole his jeep, broke his records, and kept him perpetually on his toes. he’s also the boy turned man who became shiro’s steady support through the most confusing times of his life. the incidents in which he’s compared notes with the keith before him, their pasts have aligned, so in that sense, this keith could be that very same boy. but he’s not just that boy. whereas shiro has watched ( most ) of his keith’s growth, this keith has gone beyond that. he’s calmer than his keith. more mature and more together; the confidence isn’t forever strong, but this keith has a presence to him that his keith hasn’t grown into yet.
they’re similar in so many ways, yet vastly unique in others. understanding this, shiro appreciates them both for different reasons… but he continues to hesitate, unable to let go of the suspicion that keith is in the midst of pulling away. that shiro is one wrong answer away from having keith call it for the night. why wouldn’t he think that? keith can’t even look him in the eyes. ]
[ without intending to, keith's gaze flicks up to lock eyes with shiro. in many ways, the answer being a careful hedge and accusation rolled into one is all the answer he needs, but rather than rise to whatever bait's being laid out, keith deflates instead. ]
I didn't mean for it to be.
[ soft and quiet, keith falls silent for several beats afterwards. perhaps shiro is right to call it that? after all, what exactly does asking that accomplish? expression faltering with the beginnings of a scowl, keith gives shiro's shoulders a squeeze before rolling off to the side to lie flat on his back once again. ]
don't know where I was going with that. [ eyes on the ceiling, keith allows himself a deep sigh before turning to give shiro a wan, half smile that doesn't reach his eyes. ]
You wanted to play with my ass, yeah? Should I get back on my knees or...?
[ five seconds spent and shiro has regrets. when has keith ever been intricately sly? he’s blunt and straightforward; it’s preposterous of shiro to believe there’d been some carefully crafted gotcha moment embedded in that question. so, to the disappointment of everyone involved, shiro grew defensive with building suspicion and blue balled himself into a corner. perfect. keith’s gracious – or defeated – enough to not escalate the tension.
he does leave though, just as shiro feared he would. not far, at least; he’s right there beside him, well within reach… and yet, the distance feels exponentially larger than the scant inches. feeling uncertain, awkward, and most of all, disappointed, shiro doesn’t twist onto his side. he stays on his back and listens to keith sigh, staring up at the ceiling as he tries to find equilibrium again. remarkably, keith is recovering faster than him. keith is the one making the valiant effort to push through and change the focus. for his part, shiro continues to disappoint, because he’s lagging and fretting, fixated on the pitch of keith’s voice and the phrasing of his words.
the confidence is gone. the excitement is gone. all that’s left is some meager attempt to distract them from the now very obvious elephant in the room. shiro appreciates the effort, truly, but will he take keith up on it? slowly, he turns his head to the side, looking at keith and matching him, almost exactly, in the voided smile that doesn’t go any further than his lips. ]
You don’t sound enthused by the prospect. You don't have to do anything on my account.
[ and maybe that’s shiro’s cue to coax keith into being excited, but it’s difficult to see past the emptiness of that smile. ]
[ it's easy to fall prey to regret. after all, if he'd just kept his mouth shut after letting shiro know he's special, then this wouldn't be happening right now. keith is well accustomed to being a harbinger of awkwardness and a murderer of conversation, but it doesn't make the aftermath any easier to navigate.
even more so now, when his best friend and boyfriend turns to look at him with an equally dysphoric smile. perhaps that's entirely fitting. whats there to be happy about when considering the expiry date of their relationship? keith allows himself to sit in that thought for several beats as he quietly reaches to take shiro's hand in his.
thing is though, shiro's fingers are slick from their combined cum, and the knowledge makes determination flare where where melanchoyy had frozen over. ot was only moments ago that they were finally fucking each other, stripped of all pretense and stripped down to the soul. prison has taken a lot from them -- freedom, bodily autonomy, dignity. but a dwindling hope for the future isn't something keith wants to add to that fucking list of things prison has wrung out of him.
grip tightening hard on shiro's fingers, keith lets out a heavy exhale before rolling closer to catch shiro's lips in a biting kiss. ]
Shut up.
[ hardly the most appropriate response, but keith couldn't care less about the fucking script. ]
I'm not humoring you. I want you. And this place is the the only place I get to have you.
[ he pulls away to sit up. ]
I'm nervous. I don't know what this stuff m ybody makes even is or what it tastes like. I don't want you to be disgusted by it if it tastes bad. But you're gonna taste it anyway.
[ a beat. ]
Just a question of whether you get me on my knees or if I go over there and sit on your face.
[ the ways in which shiro appreciates keith are numerous, from his hardwon, yet everlasting loyalty to his precious, soft-heartedness that is so often overlooked. there’s another aspect that he absolutely values, despite it garnering keith a bad wrap that stems all the way back to junior high: his fight. it’s true that keith has not always channeled it in the best ways, but at least he has that kind of spirit in him; the no nonsense, shoot from the hip drive to get through any situation. it’s why shiro believes keith will make a good leader of voltron if the worst ever happens. although unconventional, keith’s got the tenacity required to cut out the bullshit, identify the problem and do what is required to see things done.
keith’s strong. every obstacle that’s been forced in his path has only made him stronger and although, the softer parts of shiro’s soul wish keith didn’t have those experiences, they are absolutely necessary to have made keith into the person he is. and shiro loves the person keith has become, both in his reality and in this one.
even so, even with all of that said, he’s thrown by the pushback. fingers tingling from the hard squeeze and lips tingling, too, as they part open in the aftermath of that hard kiss, shiro blinks shocked. he does exactly what he’s told to do though: he shuts up and remains shut up. actually, he snaps his lips closed. now he remains shut up. watching keith move with plain fascination, shiro is comically – and embarrassingly – awed in the way he looks at keith, absolutely spun on how keith simply decides to take control and rework the path they’re set on.
it shouldn’t be so easy. the ill-felt feelings of not even a minute ago should not dissipate into nothing, not when the issue is on-going and inescapable, but here shiro is nonetheless, feeling heat and amusement and – fuck, desire flow through him, filling in all the gaps that left him cold moments ago. keith’s kind of hot when he’s bossy. the thought comes to him and, helpless to it, shiro laughs, bringing his hands up to push through his own hair, forcing his floof back. ]
Damn, Keith, you’ve been holding back.
[ there’s nothing stilted about his smile this time. genuine and amused, it brightens his face as he wets his lips with his tongue and then playfully smacks them together. ]
Come here. [ keith is gorgeous on his knees, with his back arched and his ass presented high. shiro would like to see it in full sometime, of keith’s face pressed into the bedding, framed by clutching fists. tempting, so very tempting, but – ] Sit on my face. I want you to smother me.
[ holding back on what precisely? as far as keith's concerned, all he's doing at present is caving to irritation with the universe writ large, and dragging shiro along. it's hard to deny that it feels good though, in the moment, like defiance is in some way remolding the atmosphere into something a pinch more palatable.
perhaps that's paradoxical. it wasn't that long ago that keith was wholly uncertain about letting shiro go anywhere near his ass with his mouth, but with everything between them being measured out in finite doses until some inevitable, bitter end, a possessive greed flares bright and hot in keith's arteries. ill-advised as that may be, keith can't say he cares. not now. perhaps only later when they're realities apart and he's staring down a white-haired shiro who doesn't want him, but that's a problem to be tackled in the future.
in the present, this shiro who refuses to be his shiro, is grinning at him. encouraging him. and keith grins right back, closing the distance between them to straddle him at the shoulders.
sit on my face had been the instruction, but keith takes a quick detour by grabbing his soft cock and letting it flop on shiro's lips. ]
Kiss me here first.
[ again, it should be strange to be issuing that kind of demand. not too long ago, it'd been simpler to allow shiro to do as he pleased while murmuring his assent and desire for all the attention. but with the tables turned and with keith now on top, he's finding he likes this too. being pushy, demanding and setting the tone to dropkick the melancholy far far away. ]
[ there’s a certain expectation here and it isn’t being met. when he said sit on his face, he envisioned keith giving a smile and a shy turn, to then scoot and straddle facing the other way. it's still workable. if he grabs keith by the hips and drags him higher and across his face, shiro can get access to what he was promised, it’ll just be a little more… muffled. smothered. though, he did say that, too, didn’t he? so maybe shiro is the one who has his expectations confused.
let it not be said that shiro is a stubborn, unwilling man. he can be quite amenable to compromise and here, with the alternative being just as agreeable as the original, shiro is all too willing to put his mouth to good use. seems fair, anyway, since shiro promised keith this some time ago. shiro could even say he’s impressed by the turnabout. it isn’t too often that he’s bested and this feels like that, like a tiny power struggle that now has keith leading them through. he finds that he likes it: submitting to him, if only slightly and temporarily. ]
Okay.
[ the commentary is entirely unneeded. playful, though, in how his lips move underneath keith’s softened cock. puckering them shortly thereafter, shiro kisses just as requested. ordered, more like. editing the progression of his own thoughts makes him laugh, puffing little bits of breath against the cock still just lying across his mouth. it should be in his mouth, he decides, and with that, he opens and coaxes it in with a laving of his tongue. lips enclose next and then he’s suckling with gentle pressure, eyes still open and watching keith the whole time.
they’ve done this before. the very first time shiro sucked this cock, actually. from velvet soft to hard, angled ridges, shiro remembers how disorientating it had been to map out that cock as it not only hardened but changed inside his mouth. looking back, now that he knows the identity, it’s a funny, rather fond story, not that shiro will be repeating that here. he knows what to expect now and so, he lacks all inhibition as he draws the suckles longer and deeper, tongue sliding along the underside.
the only hitch is that it doesn’t last. he reaches with his left hand and opens his mouth, fingers encircling to lift the cock free. not far. laughing a delighted sound, shiro kisses the head and then coos: ]
I like it when you’re bossy. [ his tongue comes into play again, sliding around the tip and down, to where his fingers are holding. back up, he pulls his tongue back inside and presses another kiss to keith’s cock. as always, he’s watching keith, gaze alight with amusement. ] Kinda hot.
[ control is a fleeting thing when there's a chasm of differential in experience. sure, keith's been fucked before and knows how getting his cock sucked feels well enough not to do anything terribly virginal, but this isn't sex in a purely mechanical form as it had been with anon. it's sex with shiro, and his boyfriend has been opening his eyes to the fact that sex isn't just about how well keith can keep a gag reflex or a choke at bay, or how easily his hole can stretch and welcome a girthy cock inside -- no. there's a fucking art to this seduction thing that all the "how to be a good mate" classes had failed to drill into keith's skull.
instinctively, he knows he's not meant to go lax at the gentle brush of shiro's moving lips on his still sensitive cock. and he's almost certainly not meant to whimper pitifully when shiro parts his lips and the cockhead dips inside the wet heat of his boy's mouth. keith knows all this, and fails completely to execute on projecting an air of sexy and in control. breath hitching, his hands cage around shiro's head, fingers gripping large ears as his cock twitches with hopeless interest throguh the steady sucking and mouthing. ]
Fuck.....
[ whined softly as keith's eyes flutter shut, his grip tightens, flattening and tugging on shiro's ears. as quickly as it starts however, shiro maneuvers keith's cock out of his mouth, leaving him feeling a wildly confusing mix of overheated and freezing where saliva cools on his dick. keith opens his eyes, looking down at shiro with a partly vacant expression.
i like when you're bossy.
fuck. almost dumbly, keith starts to reply with an i like it too, but catches the words on the tip of his tongue. swallowing hard, keith gathers himself with a few puffs of deep breath then lets go of shiro's head to lift up onto his knees. ]
I'm gonna fuck your mouth until my cock gets hard enough to fuck your throat. And you're gonna finger my ass as you take it. Then if you're good, I'll turn for you.
[ orders in this capacity feel strange. even hearing the heated desire thick in his voice feels wrong somehow, but something about it feels right, too. hell, merely giving voice to this makes his cock throb in anticipation.
shifting up onto his hands and knees, keith spreads his legs wider, hands clutching the sheets just above shiro's head, positioning so that his cock head hovers above shiro's lips. the pose is lewd as hell, but perhaps that's part of the messed up joy in this. ]
Got that?
[ giving himself a quick pump, keith looks down the line of his body and feeds the tip into shiro's waiting mouth. ]
[ there keith goes again, feeding into shiro’s expanding desire to be a good, obedient boy. it’s not entirely foreign; he’s always been a bit of a people pleaser, with a track record that, on paper, says he’s good and proper and definitely not a rulebreaker. of course, golden boy extraordinaire is vastly different than lying on his back, opening his mouth and allowing himself to be used like a cocksleeve, but it does ping at that same urge to not only gain approval, but to set himself apart. he’s not only going to be good, he’s going to be great; so much so that even though he’s the one on his back, he’s going to wreck this boy.
and be wrecked, too, it seems. keith isn’t mincing words; he truly intends to fuck his throat, doesn’t he? has to, because the boy’s moving and splitting his thighs further, granting himself the kind of leverage that will work into strong rolls of those hips. challenges are what shiro is made for, but fuck, he has the smallest kernel of uncertainty on how this is going to go. for all his experience, he’s never actually been in this position, waiting to have his face fucked. even then, if he were familiar with the angle, would that truly prepare him? keith’s cock isn’t exactly easy to take.
said cock is now hanging before him, the lean of keith’s body blocking out the lights in the cube and casting shiro in shadow. it makes him more aware of the heat in his face and the flush climbing down his throat to his collarbones. fuck, for whatever reservations he may have, his mouth is wet. filled. he’s salivating like a starving man, so of course the moment that brush comes, shiro’s lips part open, not only to welcome him in with a loll of his tongue, but to breathe words against, around him. ]
Yeah. [ he’s got it. just thinking of keith’s orders again has him shivering. ] I’ll earn your ass.
[ no more talking. that’s the last of it. reaching up with both hands, shiro grabs keith, first, by the hips to coax him into a deeper split. the ease of keith’s flexibility does things to shiro; he’s so malleable, a fact that shiro hasn’t been able to take advantage of in their many, many rendezvouses. he’ll be fixing that, he thinks. for now, however, he suckles at the cute, softened thing in his mouth, trying to draw out those ridges.
he doesn’t intend to lead keith. after that first pull, he relaxes his hands and skirts them behind to cup each cheek of keith’s perky ass. a squeeze to settle the clench in shiro’s belly that makes him want to squirm and then he’s curling the fingers of his left to the seam of his ass. it’s such a mess back there. should be messier, he thinks. will be messier. remnants of lube and keith’s uniqueness keep him slick. he’s loose, too. already having played here minutes ago, shiro foregoes the slow ease and simply pushes his index inside until his base knuckle bumps. it’s tempting to go rooting around for glands to mercilessly harass, but shiro keeps it simple: when keith fucks into his mouth, he drags his finger out, only to meet him on the back-roll. together, they’re fucking each other in turn.
as for his mouth? shiro closes his eyes and focuses on staying relaxed. pliant, he keeps his head steady and forward, chin slightly pointed up to open his throat and keep his airway. it’s not so difficult at first, when keith is smaller and softer, but moments drag by and he feels the change happen against his tongue. the spread of his lips grows wider and the opening of his throat is teased further. breathing harshly through his nose, he continues to tell himself to relax, to take it – and he does. he hasn’t choked yet, even with the excess of saliva that’s pooling in his mouth and making a mess of his lips every time keith draws out.
daringly, he gives into a moan and lifts his galra hand, being careful not to hit too hard when he gives keith's ass cheek a quick smack. come on, fuck him. ]
[ it's over. one shallow thrust of his hips in, and keith knows it's over. even when he's the one on top, driving his cock into shiro's pliant, waiting mouth, telling his boyfriend to take it and be good, it's still keith who is putting on a show.
shiro's mouth is wet and hot around his stiffening cock, his finger fucks him deep on the pullout -- everything is seemingly effortless and perfect on shiro's part and keith is rapidly melting away like a burning candle. unable to take his eyes off the close eyed focus on shiro's face, keith murmurs soft nothings and curses under his breath as his cock twitches firm over the course of a few shallow thrusts. the minute twitch of his hips become even gentler as keith takes in the added stretch of shiro's lips around newly formed ridges as they graze back and forth. lust drunk on the obscenity, pre beads readily at his cockhead. seized by something wildly possessive, keith bumps the back of shiro's throat, wanting to smear his pre there for his boy to swallow down. ]
Look at you....
[ boice husky and slurred, keith draws back enough to take the pressure off of shiro's throat, not wanting to breach it. not yet anyway. all this time that anon had sucked on his dick, he had thought it was good, but now getting to watch the strain of shiro's face as he struggles to accept his mouthful, keith finally understands the enormity of what he's been missing out on. he's never consciously thought of himself as a masochist before but with his cock lodged in shiro's waiting mouth and his hole stuffed and slick, keith has to wonder why exactly he'd denied himself this for so long.
and why he's apparently still hesitating to do exactly as he said he would.
evidently shiro loses patience with him because while keith muses in a thick fog of desire , shiro raises his metal hand and brings it down on his asscheek with a resounding slap. ]
Ah!
[ equal parts surprised and pained, keith flinches forward only to moan incoherently when the reflex drives his cock deeper into shiro's tight throat. his whole body erupts into gooseflesh, shivering as his cock and ass throb and pulse, hole squeezing tight around shiro's finger as a fresh wave of hot slick starts to trickle.
panting hard and quickly losing sight of anything other than chasing his own pleasure, keith twists his fingers around shiro's forelock, while planting his other hand firmly onto the bed as he starts fucking in and out of shiro's mouth and throat in earnest. ]
Fuck, you're so hot and tight, Shiro,I -- [ words cutting off into a pitched moan, keith squeezes his eyes shut as he pushes in deep, ridges swallowed up and squeezed in the narrow channel of smooth muscle. is this how shiro feels when his cock pushes inside him? overheated, fluttery, dizzy, unraveling, and so unbearably ready to burst into thousands of stars? throwing his head back, keith manages to choke out a pinched ]
Gonna cum, gonna take it all, Shiro!
[ unable to hold anything back, keith screams that name as he pops his cockhead in and out of shiro's throat one final time. he'd ruined this for himself the first time, fingers urgently strangling the base of his cock to keep from bursting with cum out of some instinct to make things last longer. but the rules are different now, and keith's head is full of buzzing and heady panting as his cock jerks and spills while lodged deep once, twice, then his body goes weak and keith slips out to impale himself on that finger, ascending to some blissful other plane with shimmering stars dancing around a midnight sky.
eyes glazed over and unfocused, keith holds shiro's face throughout as his cock softens and slips out of his mouth. unable to speak, and barely able to breathe, keith folds low to bump their lips together. ]
Wow.... you must really want my ass, huh....
[ still clearly dazed, keith parts his lips to lazily chase after his own taste in shiro's mouth. sloppy and boneless, he pulls away moments later to turn and starfish on top of shiro, caging his head between spread thighs. ]
[ shiro hardly feels the twisting of his forelock. his throat is being assaulted. before, he’d been saturating his mouth with spit, with drool, trying to swallow the bit of taste the opening of his throat was being lathered with. it’s a lot, though; things that run together without thought any other time become a task in focus. breathing and swallowing take effort, and mostly, shiro only manages the first with any sort of success. he’s a sopping, wet mess, especially when keith leverages his weight and begins to thrust in earnest. his breath stutters to a stop the first time those ridges dig deep into his throat, garbling in wet, ruined noises until his throat is released. still, he doesn’t draw a breath and so, his body gives into a shallow swallow, lips, tongue and throat working together for one, blissful moment before keith’s pushing his cock right back down. his throat clenches, windpipe blocked and he jerks on the beginnings of a choke. it doesn’t take, not completely, not when keith draws right back out.
shiro rides that edge, overwhelmed and near choking, for a few more thrusts. he’s part drowning in his own spit, but his saving grace is that keith is more overwhelmed than he is. keith calls his name and shiro blearily opens his eyes. the angle does him no favors; he doesn’t get to see the peak wreck keith’s face in the most lovely, addictive of ways. opening his eyes does, however, make him suddenly more aware of how full his mouth and throat are. he chokes on that last one, throat closing around keith’s cockhead and making that last drag all the more tighter. he coughs on a mouthful and then keith is shoving right through that constriction, shooting a load straight down his quivering throat.
shiro thrashes, squirming across the sheets as he tries to survive the magnitude of keith’s orgasm. he does, of course, but only because he stops breathing altogether to gulp and gobble, throat already feeling raw as he swallows whatever is given to him. it feels like an eternity in the moment, but once it’s over, with keith sitting back on his finger and slipping from his mouth, shiro laments how quickly it's ended.
he’s mollified by keith taking his mouth in another way, kissing him deep and filthy, the two of them fighting over keith’s taste. shiro doesn’t have much fight in him, honestly. he’s sluggish in the touch of his tongue, his swallows slower and disjointed as he works on refilling his lungs to normalcy. even that ends too quickly. soon enough, keith is turned away and blanketing his body, telling shiro that he has, more or less, earned his ass.
one, two, three – shiro laughs, the sound so thin and so worn that it comes across more as a heavy huff. technically, didn’t keith say he was going to fuck shiro’s mouth and take his finger until he was hard? somehow, that turned into another orgasm. from a boy who cut off his own orgasm to one eagerly allowing shiro to give him many, keith is turning into quite the greedy boy. to be fair, shiro did say he was going to wring multitudes of orgasms out of him. he wonders how many he actually will by the end of the night.
eager to find out, shiro hums and lifts vaguely shaking hands to frame keith’s ass. ]
You say it as though you aren’t already mine.
[ even though it takes effort to say it, the sentiment itself is effortless. it comes easy and freely, shiro speaking without thought. it’s only after that he thinks, oh, that’s a tease that crosses a line that shiro has decided to draw. they aren’t meant to be each other’s. they have their own realities and their own responsibilities; there are genuine feelings here, he can’t hope to deny that any longer, but they have no room for lasting attachments. so, hoping to cut off any retort, he squeezes keith’s ass cheeks and pulls them apart, putting keith on full display.
he’s supposed to have an aversion to this. ass-eating in itself is, by most people’s standards, a nasty activity. not to shiro, though. shiro clears that opinion without a second thought. it’s the unusualness of keith’s biology that should have him reconsidering. this boy is drenched in fluid. his hole is drizzling, a string of slick connected between his ass cheeks, stretching, stretching until it loses viscosity and breaks. it’s there at his inner thighs too, so much of the excess dripping down to make him sticky. who the hell knows what that even tastes like; shiro certainly doesn’t. but instead of easing into it with a tentative drag of his finger to pop a small amount in his mouth, shiro keeps his hands grasping and lifts his head.
see, there’s an addictive quality to it already and shiro hasn’t even tasted him. it’s there in the inner lining of keith’s hole. rings; there are rings of pink and purple, mesmerizing in their pattern. so yes, shiro’s curiosity blooms and soon, he puts his mouth to keith’s hole, the push of his tongue made easy by the looseness of keith’s rim. and how is that curiosity rewarded? with sweetness. the taste that touches his tongue is sweet; a little earthy, a little floral, a little minerally, there’s a richness to it that is satiating on his palate. he quickly decides that he likes the heaviness of the flavor. so, he greedily licks around and inside keith’s hole, swallowing what he can before pressing his lips flush, creating a seal for him to suck deep and to suck hard. ]
Edited (i put rings of red and purple, when it's clearly supposed to be PINK and purple) 2023-02-17 04:19 (UTC)
[ still feeling boneless on top of shiro, keith manages only a tiny squirm when hands grab at slap reddened asscheeks and pull. the stinging hasn't ebbed completely, though it's dulled into a distant throb that vaguely pulses in tie with the one in his empty balls. does it feel good or raw from sensitivity? keith honestly couldn't even say.
whatever cluster of neurons hasn't been thoroughly blitzed by post-climax bliss are busy processing that heavy tease. it wasn't all that long ago that shiro brushed off any concept of a real future together with a cold reminder of the shiro from his reality. for whatever it's worth, they're boyfriends in this shitty prison facility, but the label means precious little outside of that.
yours. mine. already mine.
yeah, there's a lot of truth to that-- boyfriends and all. they've promised each other that intimacy beyond what's created by a physical, mechanical mashing together of genitals inhabits a universe that only for the two of them. what else os that, if not yours?
chest full of sudden heartache, keith forgets to be nervous about the prospect of shiro actually tasting the slick coming out of his body. fingers pull his hole open, muscle fluttering at the gape and only then does keith remember the fucking mystery that might end in shiro recoiling in disgust. not that he gets any time to act on it beyond a slurred: ]
Mm, waii -- oh.....
[ an electric jolt makes keith spasm, toes curling and fingers tight around shiro's hips. hole fluttering around the heat of shiro's tongue, keith swallows and makes a second attempt to speak. ]
Oh fuck...
[ eloquence all but dies as shiro presse his lips firmly on his ass and sucks. whining high, keit's soft cock twitches as, as shiro's mouth coaxes out a fresh stream of slick. keith groans, body tensing and relaxing as he panting heavily through his mouth. he opens his eyes blearily, awash in tingling and rippling gooseflesh, still uncertain of what it is shiro's thinking.
neutral? good? hopefully not patiently putting up with bad?? s little afraid of what the answer might be, keith lets go of his boyfriend's hipbones to wrap his figners around shiro's soft cock. gripping loose around the base, keith strokes up and down the shaft, stretching out as he can to press th etip of his tongue to the cock head's slit. ]
You said... [ voice heady, keith licks urgently, eager to catch shiro's pre on his tongue. you said. well. shiro's said a lot of things. but keith doesn't feel like voicing any of them. ] .... I want that. Show me what being yours is like. Make me take it. RUin me for everyone else.
[ including for shiro himsel? confusion for what the fuck he's even saying threatens to bloom into furhter heartache, but the sentiment only lasts as long as the next hard suck at his hole. ]
Edited 2023-02-18 22:04 (UTC)
i just... will keith ever find out that he has a beet booty
[ there’s plenty of amusement to be felt whenever keith tries to carry a conversation in the midst of certain activities. passing notes back and forth really didn’t do it justice; it being the way keith’s voice cuts off mid-word, either for stunned silence or a pitchy breath that more often than not, collapses into a shaky moan. keith sounds good, the kind of good that shiro would, honestly, be content to listen to on repeat for an embarrassing amount of time. it’s made better when kitten licks spread across his cockhead, keith still attempting some sort of speech even as his tongue is so clearly occupied elsewhere. shiro huffs something akin to a laugh, but settles into a groan in the next breath. he can’t say he’s disappointed when keith rallies enough to get through full sentences, because although the end result doesn’t have keith uselessly babbling nonsensical, start-stop sentiments, it does give shiro a very, very satisfying goal.
one more hard suck, one more swallow, and then shiro lets the weight of his head drag him back to the mattress, breathing heavy to let keith hear the laboring of his lungs. ]
Sure, baby. [ whether it’s the breathlessness or the rawness of his throat, both from keith’s earlier treatment and now his own of harsh suction, his voice is a few pitches deeper. hard, heavy, husky, he sounds a strange amalgamation of strong and weak. ] I’ll ruin you.
[ cooed, it’s a promise, presented with a teasing uptilt, as though he’s the one doing keith the favor here with no ulterior motivation. see, shiro’s said it before and he still stands by it: he won’t throw a fit if keith finds himself drawn to another prisoner and scratches an aphro-induced itch. he won’t like it, but he can’t exactly hold keith to the terms of faithfulness that is otherwise expected in a traditional relationship. so ruining keith for everyone else? shiro doesn’t need that, in theory.
… but he does want that. of course he wants that. shiro’s a traditional boy, with traditional ideas of how relationships work: date, present a ring, get married, live happily ever after. his perception of that has been battered over the years, first with a diagnosis that would heavily influence what a happy ending for him would entail and second, with a collapsed engagement that had him questioning the whole process. dump a year and counting of trauma on top of that and – yeah, he’s a bit of a mess when it comes to committing himself to anything beyond what is – was – currently expected of him from voltron. nonetheless, the shred of innocence he has left in him still wants to want that: a partner, a husband, a life separate from the course he’s set on.
sometimes, when he’s picturing himself after the war and back on earth, it’s keith he sees there beside him. not just keith, this keith. nonsensically, he’s attached, even as he sees the error in it. this is a fleeting relationship, but as long as he remembers that, it’s okay to slip up in fantasy from time to time. this can be another one of those moments: a playful, non-serious reprieve, more teasing than actual. so he’s not truly invested in claiming this boy to some sort of end that keeps him from straying, even unintentionally. whatever happens, happens… it’s not like he’s actually set on overwhelming this boy with pleasure until the very makings of his body and soul know he belongs to shiro.
so him turning his hands in and inching his fingers toward keith’s candy-striped hole is the natural progression of the foreplay, not him finding a point of ruin. swiping through the next drizzle of slick, shiro gets it between and on his fingers. both sets: two indexes, two middles. ]
But I need to be harder to fuck you. Take me into your mouth, pretty boy. Warm me up.
[ and don’t mind shiro as he dips the two fingers of his left. even with his prior fingering, taking two fingers at once is likely a stretch. the motion is smooth, however; made easy by the generous wetness still saturating the inner lining of keith’s asshole. the way his hands are positioned grants him two palmfuls of ass cheeks, to which he squeezes, the left a little less intense than the right. keith best focus on relaxing quickly though, because it won’t be long of letting his fingers sit heavy inside him that shiro then widens keith’s hole with the index of his right, wriggling it inch by inch to join the others, each knuckle swallowed up. ]
shiro could tell him!!! or i guess make out with him immediately after...
[ consumed by jolts and whole body trembling, when shiro finally drags his lips away, his hole continues to wink and flutter, keith himself rendered to explain what the fuck it is that he likes so much about having shiro's mouth adoring the filthiest part of his body. the kink had registered differently with anon -- like the guy just had some dirty things he was into, but knowing that it's shiro licking and sucking at him, keith can't stop gasping long after the wet sensation of tongue is gone. ]
Fuck... that's so wonrg and intense. Fuck.
[ words partly warbled and mumbled around the heavy press of ock against his tongue, keith isn't sure if he's even intelligible at this point. but that's okay. shiro doesn't need him to be intelligible. in fact, shiro seems entirely determined to render him speechless in more ways than one.
groaning helplessly as shiro palms firmly at his tender ass cheeks, keith rolls his hips back to more solidly fill up shiro's hands, one hot and cool, and whimpers as two fingers slip in deep. slick from a constellation of glands helps ease the intrusion, but still ringing from his last orgasm, keith mewls and arches his back as fingers brush over glands, and then a third bullies and stretches his rim. glands tortured with added delicious pressure, slick bursts and runs down shiro's fingers and wrist, keith himself starting to to shiver.
but coming apart under shiro's touch isn't what was asked of him.
take me in your mouth. warm me up.
dumbly, keith repeats those two sets of instructions over and over, pulling some semblance of focus out of a blissed-out mind and jello body. already arched up, he simply opens his mouth wide and moans around a thick mouthful of cock. it's unfamiliar doing it in this position, but he likes to think he's gotten enough practice in with anon to know what he's doing. knowing now that it's shiro's cock in his mouth, and that it's always been shiro's cock makes his mouth water as he moans, determinedly licking hot stripes up and down the shaft as he commits himself to rolling down to swallow shiro in one go.
take me in your mouth. warm me up.
filled on both ends, keith groans loudly, ass supplying another generous burst of slick like that might ease the passage of cock into his throat. needless to say, it doesn't, but it also doesn't stop keith from going past the bump of cock head at the back of his mouth to swallowing around shiro's tip, eyes watering as he suppresses a gag and pushes his face down as far down as he can get it between shiro's legs. always heavily ambitious, keith holds position while his throat convulses for one, two two, three, and then he comes up and off chest heaving. ]
Fuck, I love how your cock feels inside, Shiro....
[ raspy and hoarse, keith takes a deep huff of breath then pops right back on shiro's cock, bobbing up and down with little care for the spreading ache of his jaw as shiro thickesn up. ]
perhaps shiro should take a picture of his booty hole and simply show him
[ the slivered portion of shiro’s brain that isn’t saturated with stupefying desire and as such, manages to maintain some semblance of clarity to keep him self-aware enough as not to hurt keith, comes to realize that, oh, maybe he doesn’t need to worry too terribly about the stretch after all. he has to wonder where it’s all coming from; this slick. it drizzles out of keith in excess. more than drizzles, actually. it gushes out, consistency thin, yet generous in how quickly it drips, spreads, and coats. shiro’s fingers are covered, more so than anything he’s already done, and now his wrists are, too. from his position, with his head resting on the bed and keith pushing his ass back into his hands, all shiro has to do is open his mouth, stick out his tongue, and hope the drip finds the right trajectory…
huston, we have contact. he feels the drop on the fat of his tongue first, and quickly after, that earthy taste blooms, only intensifying as shiro draws his tongue back inside his mouth, swallowing. this boy. this absolute gem of a boy.; so unique, so special, so delectably made, both in body and spirit. shiro will never tire of discovering and rediscovering all the ways in which no one will ever be able to compare to keith. which is, of course, a problem, according to clear-headed, logically-bound shiro. at present, however, that shiro has left the building, especially when a wickedly hot mouth encloses more securely around his cock, bobbing low to introduce cockhead to throat.
they’ve done this plenty of times, with keith’s lips sealed around his cock and working low, to force his throat open. still, shiro marvels at keith’s determination of taking so much, so quickly, because it hasn’t taken much for shiro’s blood to rush low and fatten his cock. he feels keith begin to choke, first in a tremble that plays at his sensitive head and then tightens around his length. he ought to feel some remorse for it, at least a brief twinge of it, but shiro feels nothing less than appreciation for each convulsion, the rhythmic spasm of muscle feeling amazing along his cock. ]
Holy fuck, Keith.
[ punched out, shiro is choking, too; though, choking on breath is decidedly easier to weather than a thick cock. his hips have a mind of their own: keith comes up and they arch up with a tensing of his ass, trying to maintain contact. it’s needless, it seems, because keith is just as addicted to the connection and soon, after a quip, keith is back, bobbing his head with the single-minded focus of making that cock rock hard. shiro’s eyes roll and he gives himself over to the need to close his eyes, tip his head back and groan. it takes a few extra seconds, but the agreement inevitably comes in the form of a raspy: ]
Yeah. It feels amazing inside you. [ in all manners: fingers, tongue, cock, keith’s body is a dream and shiro is a spoiled boy. ] Nothing beats that feeling… not even cliff-jumping.
[ through the desire, there’s a upswing of amusement, an emotion that colors his voice with a lighter, more playful tone. his focus realigns, however, and he’s bogged down with the delicious notes of lust, every moment heavy and wanting as he continues curling his fingers inside keith’s ass. this whole time, he’s been diligently – and slowly – working his three fingers back and forth together, fucking keith deep and thorough. again, he thinks of how wet keith is and as his hole squelches on the next thrust, as if on cue, shiro brings his other middle finger to join his others. peeling back keith’s rim, he aligns the pad and then pushes it in with the other three. ]
It was difficult letting you walk away with the door between us but now that I know it’s you…
[ it’s a feat in itself that he manages words. mesmerized both by the sight of keith’s hole stuffed full of fingers and by the continued distraction of his cock being worked over and over inside keith’s mouth, shiro has no hope of keeping his voice level. it’s pitchy and throaty, occasionally interrupted with harsh breath or a moan. he’s talking when action is more paramount than word. he can’t help it; there are ideas in his head and he’s rambling them off, thinking only of how lovely keith looks when he’s filled. ]
I want to keep you here all the time and sit you on my cock. [ in the morning, in the afternoon, at night… that’s what they’re here to do, but it’s not just sheets and sex. ] Want you to stay on my cock and hold me inside, even when I’ve gone soft, for hours and hours.
[ full. that's what keith is. when he isn't gagging and tearing up from his throat squeezing around a full cock, all thought snaps right back to the insistent in-out motion of shiro's fingers as they drag over glands that make him warble unintelligibly and drool around his mouthful. everything his fucking wet -- from the saliva trailing from the corners of his lips to the spreading slick of his ass soaking his thighs.
there'd been a time when keith walked away from his side of the balsawood door, ass throbbing and quivering, thoroughly used and abused by anon's cock, and that was the filthiest thing in the world. what they're doing together now makes that keith seem downright virginal.
face flushed scarlet, keith swears he can feel his heart beating in his ears, his throat, his cock, his ass, everywhere, like he's minutes from bursting despite the fact he's still mostly soft between his legs. overwrought and tingling from head to toe, keith keeps working on shiro's cock like he was made to pleasure it until his boyfriend splits him even further open. keith comes off shiro's cock with a loud groan as a fourth finger bullies past his rim and his hole gapes, the rim fluttering wildly. ]
Shiro! Oh god, it's so damn much... taking you everywhere like this. But I -- [ whatever that train of thought is, it atomizes as shiro into an urgent, pitched moan as shiro starts moving his fingers, glands producing a new burst of slick to ease the way. ] Fuuuuuck!
[ with little grasp on any sense of inhibition, keith's voice ticks up in volume, decibels away from outright yelling. eyes squeezed shut, he pants heavily through several thrusts of shiro's fingers, mind fogging with the delirium of simply doing exactly as shiro's describing. and when keith finds no reason not to simply make that a reality? ]
Fuck, I'm putting an end to your dick screaming.
[ screaming that only keith can hear evidently. but with a determined scoot forward, he frees himself from shiro's hold on his ass and quickly turns himself around. holding eye contact, keith positions himself at a hover above shiro's hips and holds his boyfriend's cock steady. ]
Show me. Show me how fucking good you feel even when you're soft inside me.
[ and with that, keith lines up shiro's cockhead to his hole, groaning as the tip breaches and gravity slips him down, down, down until shiro is fully ensheathed. fingers trembling as keith spreads them open on his boyfriend's ships, keith breathes out hard, but there's something soft about his expression when he holds shiro's gaze with a longing smile. ]
.... Wow. I've wanted to look at your face while doing this for so long. I- I can't believe it's real and it's finally happening. I - [ fuck. is he actually getting emotional? no, shut up. hoping to disract and keep from saying anything embarrassing, keith flexes his thighs, ad rolls up, nice and slow before slamming back down with a drawn-out moan. ]
perhaps he can print it out and take it w him to canada
[ shiro doesn’t know about this dick screaming thing, but he certainly feels like screaming when that candy-striped asshole is pulled away from him. the scream doesn’t come, thank god. instead, his throat produces a less mortifying, but still embarrassingly needy whine as all four of his fingers slip out with ease. it’s the hefty amount of slick. there’s so much of it caught between his fingers and dribbled out, making a pool in the hollow of his throat, splattered right there by his clavicle.
for all his disappointment in the loss of keith’s fun hole, the remedy for it is easily found in the following movements. after all, how can he feel anything other than excitement when keith pivots his body, giving shiro the perfect view of his pretty cock, his torso, his shoulders, his neck, his face – he’s so god damn beautiful, flush pink and sheened with sweat. even prettier when those thighs flex, propping keith above shiro’s spit slick cock.
the first touch of his cockhead smearing through the slick wetting keith’s hole has shiro visibly shivering. that’s the only brush, though, because the angle is perfect and keith is quick to let gravity do its work, swallowing shiro up inch by inch until keith’s ass sits firmly on his pelvis. shiro’s hands, which have been mostly useless throughout keith’s ministrations, give up on twisting the sheets to feel up keith’s thighs. keith’s murmuring and it’s like he’s brain-linked with shiro’s mind, because those are shiro’s words and feelings, the same awed disbelief running through him, too. the number of times he thought of keith while with anonymous is embarrassingly high and then since, after their decision to be together, he’s passed these many weeks, often touching himself to a mental picture of keith.
sexual tension high, maybe that’s why everything derailed so quickly and so filthily. shiro doesn’t regret what they’ve done, but he did come into this with a much softer expectation. it’s here that he remembers it. more than that, it’s here that he wants it again. keith’s smile, keith’s words, keith’s slow drag up, they all work together to gentle the headiness of shiro’s desire, enough to have those hands on keith’s thighs to clutch higher, interrupting any hope for a continued rhythm. ]
Wait. Lemme look at you.
[ because he hasn’t gotten his fill yet, of this moment of finally being together. they’ve been together many times before, true, but not like this. not with them knowing it and certainly not with them looking at each other. this time, held tight inside keith’s body while holding eye contact… heh, keith has no need to be embarrassed about being emotional. he isn’t the only one. ]
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive you. [ murmured softly, there’s the slightest slur to his voice, words bleeding into each other, as though he’s already pleasure drunk. ] Gorgeous boy… pretty boy… just looking at you is overwhelming in the best way.
[ so how is he going to fair when keith is riding him in earnest? grinning, shiro draws lines at keith’s thighs and then gently rakes his blunt nails down them. ]
Just this once, I think you’ll have to go easy on me. [ if keith wants this to last, that is. sighing now, shiro keeps eye contact and gives keith’s thighs twin taps. ] Fuck me slow so I don’t miss a thing.
i can't believe this is their future. looking at filthy pictures and talking about the good old days
[ it's just as well that hands come up to pin down his thighs because this angle and gravity combine to make shiro hit deeper than keith is wholly accustomed to. breathing heavily, keith's hands squeeze and release shiro's hips, working through relaxing enough to give shiro's cock the space it demands inside his body. open-mouthed and gaze heavily lidded, keith does exactly as told, waiting and listening with his heart pounding behind his ribs from the sheer joy of their connection.
keith already knew shiro would feel incredibly fully sheathed inside, but there's just nothing in the universe that compares to the sweet thrill of seeing shiro's expression warm with affection and praise that's reserved just for him. heady in his uncontrollable euphoria, keith straightens up from his lean, straight-backed now and full of unmistakable pride, to show off the lines of his body from his muscled shoulders, to flushed half-dimes, down to his abs and stiffening cock.
honestly, keith's given little thought to his own appeaance. he figures, if anything, he looks decent enough, but it's in hearing shiro compliment him like this when he's proudly seated on his cock and covered in sweat and whatever the fuck his ass is producing that he actually feels kinda sexy for once. the novelty of it hits keith just right enough to laugh brightly, as he grabs shiro's flesh hand and holds it tight in his. ]
Go easy on you, huh? Now there's something I never thought I'd hear from you.
[ fuck. try as he might to insert.a teasing lilt to his voice, he fails utterly at sounding anything other than completely and hopelessly besotted. ]
If you need a minute, I could do this for a bit. You wanted to look at me, right?
[ bringing his free hand up to his half-hard cock, keith starts to pump himself slowly, breathing instantly going ragged as his cock and stretched hole twitch with the slow stroke. ]
So look at me. [ lifting shiro's hand, he presses the palm over his racing heart, and continues to pump slowly and steadily. ] Cuz if you feel even a fraction of how I feel looking at you right now..... fuck.
[ what even is the analogy here? are there even words to describe how perfect keith feels in the moment? it's like coming into the orbit of a gorgeous star, circling and soaking up all the light to the point that he no longer remembers what being in the dark had ever felt like. ]
[ there’s a first time for everything, huh? the quip stays silent in his head, the curve of shiro’s grin intensifying being the only retort. from one moment to the next, this has become something else entirely, so very different from the influx of desire that had them greedily grasping, gorging themselves on the pleasure of each other. every bit of shiro still thrums with need for this boy, but it’s considerably softer and more restrained. patient, that’s what it is. indulging in keith to savor every shift in body, as well as expression, is suddenly a much more seducing thought than chasing down orgasm after orgasm.
– not that he doesn’t want to make this boy cum many more times tonight.
for now, however, he’s calmed into pressing pause on their hurried movements, the whole of him relaxing and sinking into the bedding. keith takes his hand soon enough though and shiro leans up just so, allowing the reach necessary for keith to place his hand to his chest. immediately, shiro flattens his palm fully, pressing the span of it over keith’s left pec, feeling the steady thump, thump of his heart. it’s quick and it’s heavy, so intense that shiro’s surprised there aren’t rattling ribs to go along with it.
the thought has his grin shifting, tightening, curling into a smirk that’s more teasing and self-assured. ]
Fuck sounds right.
[ shiro doesn’t have room to tease; three words and he can’t even keep his voice steady. it’s breathy and dripping with desire, so honeyed with his need that he’s nearly purring. holding keith’s gaze, shiro takes his fill of adoring keith’s face, all the while blindly shifting his hand to pinch fingers at that lovely half-dime. he’s merciless with that nub, rolling it back and forth between finger and thumb.
there are so many things to say here. he wants to adorn keith with compliments, more of how breathtaking he is, how strong, how perfectly made he is to fit with his own body. he’d like to tell him how much he adores him, too, and that he can’t imagine feeling even a fraction of what he feels now for or with anyone else. instead, the softer, sweeter sentimentals grow hazy, for his gaze has traveled down to watch the encirclement of keith’s fingers. seeing that flushed head move back and forth in keith’s fist makes shiro’s thoughts grow heavy and slow, like molasses. ]
You could probably get me to cum just like this.
[ maybe? probably. he’s not there yet, not even close, but he can feel it, the potential of a slow-crescendo, of being coaxed into a crest through steady touch and suggestion. ]
Feels amazing inside you already. All it’ll take is you stroking yourself, teasing me to madness by showing off your sexy body and moaning my name… a little flex and the perfect shift of your hips and I bet I’ll burst.
[ he gives keith’s nip another pinch and then drags his hand down, coasting through the lines of his abs and then to touch the wrist of the hand slowly jerking off. he doesn’t change or aid the motion, he merely holds on to ride out the movement. ]
Would you like that, baby? Do you wanna be full of my cum?
[ for all that keith wants to impress his boyfriend with a spectacular and shameless show, it takes very little to get his thoughts to drift with lustful staring, circling uselessly on a prolonged oh... when shiro goes from feeling out his heartbeat to pinching his nip stiff. the rhythm of his pumping fist sputters to a staggered pause as keith's breath catches, half dime flushing a gentle lavender-pink under shiro's touch.
int's a little mesmerizing to be so whollly engrossed by everything his boyfriend is saying, even though keith technically is the one on top, in charge and ostensibly controlling shiro's pleasure. it doesn't matter that his own cock is throbbing again, or that every minute twitch sends a whole body shock reminding him of just how firm and deep sshiro is planted inside him, his own pleasure is entirely a lovedrunk afterthought as keith watches the perfect way shiro's bow lips move and take shape around words and smiles.
it's almost funny. being so wrapped up in being with shiro makes every filthy suggestion sound like sweet poetry. keith takes it all in, goosefleshed along his thighs while flushing warm, and gives himself a little shake as he resumes the beating of his fist up and down the length of his drooling cock. ]
Yeah.... yeah, I wanna be pumped full, Shiro.
[ murmured breathlessly, as keith points his cock at shiro and smears the pre on his abs. ]
Fill me up, sir. I wanna feel it sticky inside, and dripping down my legs.
[ pumping faster now, keith squirms and squeezes around shiro's cock as he groans and works his thighs to ride in teasing barely there bounces. ]
Fuck. [ reaching behind, keith grabs shio's balls and squeezes gently but urgently. ] Look me in the eye while you mark my ass as yours, Shiro. Make me feel like it's never gonna wash out. Do it.
Edited 2023-03-10 03:21 (UTC)
fjkjhg ah yes. your pokemoning in the low 30s weather. i wonder if s + k can pokemon in the tundra
[ it’s just dirty talk. shiro doesn’t consider himself an aficionado for lewd words, but he thinks he does a decent enough job in riling keith up. the problem here – though, problem is a gross misrepresentation of how shiro feels about this – is that while shiro isn’t spurred on by the filth that comes out of his own mouth, he greatly underestimates the effect keith’s have. see, comfortably on his back, staring up at keith pleasure himself is wonderful, exciting, arousing, but mostly, it’s manageable. add keith not only moaning, but saying things – delightfully explicit things – back to him and shiro has a real concern that his dirty talk of cumming from just this, might not actually be just flirting to rouse keith’s desire.
i wanna be pumped full, shiro.
ah, fuck. wasn’t he just thinking that he wasn’t close? that, maybe, over a course of hefty time, keith could draw a slow-cresting orgasm out of him?
shiro squirms, only to stop immediately, because that certainly isn’t helping his restraint. it’s so slight, just a barely there shifting of his cock inside the heat and tightness of keith’s body, why does it feel like he’s just endured a milking? similar to the beating of keith’s quickened fist?
fill me up, sir. i wanna feel it sticky inside, and dripping down my legs.
that’s why. keith’s gone chatty, spelling absolute disaster for shiro, especially when this beautiful boy picks up where shiro left off, squirming and squeezing around his cock. shiro chokes on breath, eyes slamming shut and expression furrowing with deep wrinkles that make him look close to pain. he’s not, though. he’s so far away from pain. his system is overrun with pleasure and bliss and holy fuck, he’d been bullshitting. he’s not actually supposed to cum from just this.
fuck.
yeah, ditto. giving up on his desperate cling to keith’s wrist, shiro sends both hands out now to grasp at keith’s squirming hips. to stop him? in theory, but his body wants what it wants and even as it’s tensing on the tell-tale signs that have shiro’s brain yelling, his hands don’t cooperate beyond digging fingers in to ride the motion of keith’s hips. shiro has about one tick to think, he can survive this, he can endure this without embarrassing himself, but then keith’s reaching behind to squeeze his sac.
do it.
shit. shit. shit. shiro raises his gaze, eyes meeting keith’s and for a split moment, there’s a pinch to his brow and a look in his eyes that’s almost apologetic, but then he’s swept up in the cresting pleasure, the climb so swift and so sudden that it whites out his thoughts. he keeps his eyes open, but they’ve gone distant and unfocused, mouth opening to choke out keith’s name. it isn’t a short affair. his second orgasm of the night and yet, it’s long, heavy, messy. will it be enough to do all the things keith commanded from him? shiro is picturing all those filthy things, at the very least.
when it’s over, with his cock giving its last twitch and spit, shiro collapses into the sheets, body going lax as eyes close and mouth stays open, panting for breath. three, two, one… and then everything tightens, with his eyes flying open, only to then be covered by his hands across his face. ]
Oh my god.
[ mortification finds him first. give him a minute, perhaps he’ll find it in himself to laugh. until then? ]
That… I… [ still hiding behind his hands, he flaps his lips a few more times without any words coming out, before settling on: ] That wasn’t supposed to happen.
[ ...oh. oh. whatever experience keith has with dirty talk is limited at best. he's never been good with words, so trying to conjure up desire and a throb in someone's nethers with suggestion alone? it's an impossible ask.
but even so, keith has to admit he feels pretty fucking powerful right about now and it's made all the more exhilarating by his own mix of confusion and heavy arousal. see, in all the times he's fucked around with anon, it was only towards the very end that the guy ... shiro started finishing inside. the first time, keith had been so fucking out of it from his half-hour climax that he didn't exactly have any cogent thoughts on an extra load of slick in his ass, but later...
later while cleaning up and finding a steady trickle of cum leaking from his puffy hole, keith had been struck over the head with a hard-to-place blend of shame and longing. shame won the day on account of returning to his best friend's bed, but still....
watching shiro react to the filth of that moment that keith has been thoroughly unable to shake is spellbinding. goading and teasing more than anything because keith isn't sure if anyone can actually cum like this, he moans as shiro pulls at his hips and -- ]
Oh.....
[ what else is there to say? thoughts blink out of existence as keith watches his best friend unravel and molten heat splashes at his insides. fuck. keith shivers, heart racing like he's just climaxed himself through his own cock remains rock, painting abs with a fresh coat of pre.
it's impossible not to smile stupidly as keith releases his cock and lets it lewdly bounce back up in order to hold onto shiro's flesh wrist. he doesn't attempt to prise those hand away from shiro's face -- not yet, but his grip is firm, tone bright with joy. ]
That was amazing.
[ the hand still holding shiro's sack gives it another gentle squeeze. ]
I mean, fuck -- I have to wait for you to get hard again, but... wow. Just wow.
IT REALLY IS. i value your commitment to the research of our many sheith verses
[ it’s funny how this, hiding behind hands, is their mutual go-to when riding out embarrassment. keith did this not too long ago, when their anonymous identities came to light. at the time, shiro had laughed and affectionately chided keith with none of that, this isn’t the end of the world. if anything, shiro is working against himself, merely prolonging the so-called disaster of his unexpected orgasm by hiding behind his hands. he can’t stay here; he’ll have to come out eventually. future shiro’s problem. that’s what he tells himself. as it turns out, future shiro isn’t being set up for laughter or disappointment. instead, future shiro – who soon becomes preset shiro – gets:
that was amazing.
between that and the gentle squeeze at his wrist, shiro does not reveal his face but he does split his middle finger from his ring finger, opening a crack for one eye to peer through. it’s not at all subtle; keith can see shiro looking at him. nonetheless, shiro takes his time to stare at that wide smile and those joyful eyes. all in all, keith’s reaction shouldn’t be this surprising but somehow, shiro’s mortification has tangled him up so thoroughly in low expectation that he’s floored by it. ]
You’re pleased.
[ his voice rings dumbfounded. ]
You’re not - [ disappointed that it’s over already…? of course, the more rational thought is that they can simply keep going; as keith says, he just needs to wait. but that isn’t a fix-all, because – ]
It’s our first time.
[ … as them. the first time seeing each other’s faces when shiro is inside keith. and that was the result: shiro cumming like some preteen getting his dick wet for the first time. ]
[ ... so this is what it's like to be on the other side of the face hiding, huh? keith warms in an entirely different way, thoroughly endeared by the bashfulness on display. of course, he's more than aware of the throbbing in his cock and ass that demands relief, but what can he say other than...]
Am I supposed to be mad that you're really into me?
[ if anything, it's nice to have evidence of shiro's affection so plain to see and feel. grip still loose around shiro's wrists, keith brushes circles around shiro's thumbs, still a little too tickled by the shyness to force those hands away. given another beat, the teasing lilt drops out of keith's expression and tone as he murmurs more gently: ]
This is a hell of a lot sweeter than you making me choke on your dick our first time.
[ their first time anonymously, that is. not that keith doesn't follow the distinction that shiro's trying to draw here, but all the same the contrast makes keith grow a little fonder. ]
... heh. That was the first time I had a cock in my mouth, you know that?
[ that gets the other hand to split fingers, creating a similar gap for shiro to observe keith through. it doesn't change much in terms of view – still the same smiling eyes, albeit fonder now – but it does ease the way for shiro to give up on his hiding altogether. is it surprising that shiro is surprised? keith was here a month before shiro arrived. they don't talk much at all of their experiences with other inmates but shiro has confirmation from the source that keith, at the very least, hooked up with lance. even then, even without that, judging from the eagerness of that tongue and the lack of hesitation in sliding those lips down…
aphrodisiac, that's the more likely explanation to that hungry boldness than shy, generally reclusive keith racking up extensive, regularly sought experience in cock sucking. it's a tricky situation, deciding whether he's disappointed or relieved. disappointed only in that that was keith's first experience: drugged and coerced into a rushed affair. whereas relief stems from the obvious: he was first and for a time, only. ]
I wouldn’t have guessed. [ seems he's leaning more into relief; that feeling gatewaying right into soft excitement and brimming awe. ] You were… exceptional.
[ truthfully, it's all a bit hazy, the drug having blurred the detailed sharpness of his memory. no matter. the compliment is still true, he knows it is. because he agonized, he wanted, and inevitably, he caved to the desire to leave an anonymous note. so, truly, that man in the library – keith – had been good.
by now, shiro has uncovered his face; his smiling face. he's still got a twinge of shyness that keeps his gaze soft, but not so much that he keeps his hands idle. one twists to roll keith's grip from his wrist and take that hand in his. the other reaches down, touching keith's knee to smooth up along his thigh. ]
I’m your first here, too, right?
[ fresh from his orgasm, he's oversensitive, even if his mortification has dulled his awareness of it. he feels it now, however, when he flexes his ass and presses his hips up, shifting his soft cock inside keith just a faint amount. ]
[ as ridiculous as it is to be feeling shy when literally perched naked and hard on his boyfriend's cock, the assessment still makes keith fluster, a warm pink spreading across his cheeks as his smile turns boyish.
a lot about that encounter in the library had been messed up, with little brain and all aphro-fueled hormones to steer his judgment. how exactly is keith meant to feel about having good instincts for suckling cock? he doesn't know, except that it makes his stomach feel a little squirmy with tentative laughter. piloting and blowjobs -- two of his latent abilities just waiting to be tested, huh?
not that shiro allows him to dwell on that absurdity for long. an insistent thrust drags a soft, wet noise from keith's lips, cock twitching hopefully. he hiccups a laugh in the aftermath, awash in light yet wanting feelings as he opens up his fingers to interlace with shiro's. ]
Yeah. Yeah, you are, old-timer.
[ growing moonier by the second, keith traps shiro's wandering hand at his knee and raises it to his lips to smooch. ]
Who'd have thought....
[ th odds of it seem astronomically low. the two of them existing in the same interuniversal sex trafficking ring masquerading as a prison is already pretty unlikely. the fact that the two of them ended up sharing firsts despite the plethora of drugs and whatever else to lower inhibitions makes that all the more incredible somehow. ]
[ oh, that wet sound is nice. not just the one slipping past those parted lips, but lower, too, where their bodies touch. slick and cum are mixed together, and while shiro is, more or less, acting as a beaver dam to keep it all from dripping free to tacky up the space between keith’s thighs, he’s still very much aware of how wet keith is. his own physiology is, unfortunately, very human; meaning that even with all these tantalizing thoughts, his cock refuses to plump up. patience and all that junk, he knows, he knows. he’ll get there – quicker than usual, perhaps – he only needs to wait and eye this pretty boy up a little longer.
and stroke him off, too. that sounds like a delightful way to pass the time.
keith’s cockhead is spongy and smeared, a consequence of rubbing his pre into shiro’s abs. flexing his midsection then, he thinks of how he likes being marked that way, with keith’s scent coating him. if he teases that cock for a little while, maybe it’ll drip some more onto him. keith intercepts him, though. up his thigh shiro’s hand goes, barely getting any further than halfway before fingers enclose around his, lifting him high. it’s impossible to say he’s disappointed for being diverted from his plan, because that kiss is rather sweet, especially with the besotted look that comes along with it.
oh.
held tight and warm inside keith’s body while simultaneously being spoiled with hands, lips and eyes that speak volumes, shiro doesn’t have the working rationale to be anything other than just as hopelessly smitten in the moment. shiro counters with a soft, adoring gaze, and a tug of his own, one that brings keith’s other hand to his mouth, kissing it just as gently. the difference comes in that shiro’s smile doesn’t stay. there’s a quirk to his mouth, one that extends, slanting his lips boyishly with a flash of teeth. ]
I’m still old-timer?
[ he was waffle for about two minutes earlier. remembering that, he laughs brief and light, again shifting his hips just to intensify the feel of their connection. ]
Haven’t I demonstrated how… virile I am? I am about to give you the best orgasm of your life, after all.
[ the squirmy feeling in his belly never ceases. shiro grabs his hand and keith can't help broadening his sweet smile, still in vague disbelief that sex cpi;d ever be so much more than rutting and burning up until freefalling into climax. being with shiro stokes all of that to life, of course, but there's something gentle here that keith is wholly unprepared for but is growing fiercely attached to.
shiro raises his hips again, and this time keith rolls downwards in time. soft as shiro is, the motion mostly makes keith huff with want, but then he's outright laughing at the question presented to him. ]
Maybe I'll upgrade you from old-timer when you get your hard on back.
[ there's nothing but affection in his tone. keith turns shiro's hand, kissing his knuckles as he speaks. ]
You can be Big Guy, again. [ then with a coy smile. ] Big Daddy? [ not exactly something he's understood, but those good mate classes are sometimes illuminating. ] Or Sir. Or whatever you want me to call you. I'm all ears, shiro.
[ they fit so well together; that’s shiro’s heartspun thought. shiro moves and keith moves, too, countering him, matching him, complimenting him, showcasing another avenue of how easy it is for them to belong within each other’s space. impatience is such an easy feeling to find right now, so again, shiro has to consciously talk himself down, silently reassuring himself of soon. soon he’ll get a shot at this gorgeous boy and – hopefully – outlast him.
the way keith is talking helps on that front. breath plays over his knuckles, in between the brush of those lips and shiro sighs happily, masking the hard thumping of his heart that has to be audible to keith, too, right? big guy is one of shiro’s favorites, so the brightening of his expression is as telling as it is instantaneous. big daddy gets a blink and then they’re right onto sir, which would have shiro’s toes curling and breath hitching if he wasn’t still stuck on the endearment of before.
is endearment even the right word? isn’t daddy kind of… lewd? maybe that’s why his dick twitches, body intrinsically reacting to the filthy implication. surprised by his reaction – and more so, not really understanding what that reaction is – shiro stares up at keith’s coy smile and shy eyes, inwardly fumbling over a kink that, up until two seconds ago, he never thought he’d be dealing with.
he’s not into it, he tells himself… but he does wonder if keith is trying to plant the seed without asking for it. why else would keith mention it?
shiro feels warm, from his face to his chest to his cock that is still dammed up inside keith. ]
You, uh… you want me to be your daddy? [ shy curiosity colors his voice, more than judgment or aversion. a pause, then a furrowing of his eyebrows. ] Does that make you baby?
....i will never look at that name the same way thanks
[ the promising twitch of shiro's sleepy cock would have made keith laugh in most other situations. for better or for worse though, this particular situation is proving to be an exception to the rule the nanosecond shiro redirects the question.
with the floodlights turned on him, keith blinks as well, flushing a warm scarlet up to the tips of his ears. big daddy had mostly been a throwaway joke of a title, but hearing it in shiro's voice agitates that squirmy, fluttery feeling in his belly.
kinks are.... bizarre. keith has been in porn prison for months by now, but even so, keith's rarely considered his own curiosities and desires while attending those hideous "how to be a good mate" classes. part of that had been the nature of class itsel. after all, being in a room of horny inmates really doesn't put keith in the mood for soul-searching and introspection. but the other part of it is that keith adamantly maintains that some kinks are just bizarre, end of story.
talk of daddies, in particular, had lit up all sorts of uncomfortable associations with his own dad, the face of a bygone era of his life. their key smash instructor had insisted that wasn't the point. people aren't literally thinking about their biological dads while mating, though whatever reassurance that was had swiftly been undone by the following unless you are in which case please attend next week's class on taboo kink!
fighting through a stunned silence, keith struggles to relax the tension from his shoulders as he holds shiro's gaze. it helps nothing. in fact, he feels shyer for each passing second in which he simply looks at his boyfriend without having a clear rebuttal to throw back in his boy's dazed but curious expression.
baby. daddy. fucking hell, it all feels so terribly wrong to be talking like this while he's rock hard and sitting on shiro's cock. oart if him wants to laugh all of this off, but then there's that tiny expanding part of his consciousness that wants to know what being taken care of might look like if..... ]
I could be baby. Do you... [ a beat, then he pauses on a breath for some courage. ] ... would you like being my big daddy?
henry doesn't deserve this. he is such an innocent, fussy bean.
[ would he like being keith’s big daddy… now there’s a string of words that aren’t said every day. the urge to laugh is almost too difficult to resist; almost. saying he feels uncomfortable isn’t untrue, but it isn’t the whole story. if anything, he feels obligated to give further weight to those uncertain feelings, because this is so unorthodox, at least in relation to anything he’s ever indulged in. well – indulged in before coming to this porn prison. his sex life has certainly become something else entirely in the months he’s spent here. before, he won’t say his activities in bed were dull. they were satisfactory. enough. enjoyable. most of all, straightforward. no anonymous kink, no spanking, no sir, no daddy. hell, even rimjobs weren’t much of a thing, seeing as the bulk of his experience is tied with his long-term relationship and adam wasn’t much of a fan.
so huh. now that he thinks about it… maybe it was dull. maybe he is a little – a lot?? – repressed. is that why it’s so easy to ping his desire? to get him to want things he’s never given conscious consideration to before? maybe it’s simply keith: the shyness of his expression, the tentative notes of his voice, the weight of him in his lap and on his cock. the thing is… shiro would like to be just about anything to and for keith. so is he opposed to trying this out and seeing if it works for them…?
the furrowed creasing of his forehead smooths out, his expression clearing and setting into one of focus. he works his hands free and then he’s getting them to the bed, lifting himself up on his elbows. ]
I think I would.
[ he dreads the obvious question, though: why. if asked, he’s not certain he would be able to articulate why two words, three syllables have his stomach clenching and blood rushing to thicken his dismally soft cock. the implied authority of it? the trust that comes with it? the mere fact that keith is so vulnerable in the moment, showing him a side that shiro severely doubts anyone, anywhere will ever see? whatever the reason, shiro is gone on the idea, becoming more and more attached to the prospect of trying this out as he, carefully, pushes himself up.
the burn in his abdominals is slight, legs still outstretched along the bed as he sits upright with keith in his lap. throughout the whole movement, his gaze never strays from keith’s. here, now, with their faces much closer, shiro continues to hold gaze, dropping his voice low and languid, syllables thick with intention. ]
As your big daddy… [ he touches keith’s waist with his left hand, skirting along the jut of his hipbone with a back and forth of his thumb. ] It’s my job to take care of you, isn’t that right, baby boy?
[ oh. just like that, shiro's doe-eyed surprise vanishes and keith fights to keep a shiver contained as his boyfriend sits up, focused and intent on ... daddying? fuck.
it's almost funny, really. barely a minute ago, and keith was the one calling the shots, milking the cum right out of shiro's sack as he mewled his way through his climax. where'd all that easy confidence gone? keith can't find it in himself when face-to-face with a shiro who's newly determined to take back the reins, soft-dicked and all.
an electric thrum zips across his hips at the touch, making keith's breath hitch as he unconsciously tightens around shiro's cock. with a reflexive gasp, keith relaxes and tentatively puts his hands on shiro's thighs. the scarlet flush from before recedes, though his cheeks stay a stubborn rosy pink as he opens his mouth to speak.
or tries to anyway. he swallows, and clears his throat, looking down at the pr painted on shiro's abs only to look back up sharply when his traitorous cock twitches.
thing is? keith can't imagine for a second that being this way with anyone else could ever flood him with so many confused, aroused feelings. this ought to be funny or outright gross.
somehow it isn't.
it shouldn't be possible to feel more naked and vulnerable than he already is, but the way shiro looks at him now feels like the man has turned a magnifying glass onto his soul. heart racing, keith tries to settle by tracing nonsense shapes over shiro's thighs as he nods, smiling shyly. ]
... you should. Because.... [ here, keith drops eye contact, bracing before blurting: ] Cuz you're proud of me, right?
Edited 2023-03-20 23:27 (UTC)
ive been yelling at a constant pitch for 8 hrs. i cannot believe you brought approval kink into this
[ fuck. eloquent, he knows, but that’s the go-to expletive to encompass the moment. it’s the only workable one, because holy shit, keith is so goddamn responsive. shiro touches keith’s hip and keith flutters, the muscles of his ass clenching around his dick, kneading him, teasing him, silently giving him all the reason to hurry up. shiro chokes on breath and goes still, shoulders slightly rounded as he braces through the tight, too tight hold of keith bearing down on him. but then, just as quickly, keith relaxes and shiro shudders through the rest of his inhale, desperately trying to piece together the fracture of his composure.
keith is kind – or he simply can’t see beyond his own desperation to remain calm – and doesn’t breathe a word about the blip in shiro’s composure. instead, all keith does is smile shy and draw lines, doing with his hands the equivalent of bashfully toeing the ground. he’s cute. so very cute. and it's laughable, really, because how can shiro be mentally cooing over how sweet-faced his best friend is when said best friend is sitting on his cock, ass warm and tight enough to coax his body into a quickened turnaround? every time keith so much as breathes, shiro can feel him: in his lap and on his cock, every tiny movement working him over. he twitches again and thickens slow, keith’s blurted words hanging between them for one, two –
fuck, he thinks again. ]
So much.
[ two, simple words, yet somehow, shiro heaves through them. it’s embarrassing how strained thin his voice is; too breathy and too earnest, like it would physically pain him if he held onto those words any longer. the truth of the matter is that it would; pain him, that is. shiro is not a simple man… but he is in this one aspect: joy comes to him very easily when he’s allowed a moment to tell keith just how wonderful he is. how valued he is. how incredibly proud he makes shiro every day. keith’s come a long way from the bruise-knuckled kid of years ago, and while he’s certain keith would attribute that turnaround to him, shiro gives all the credit to keith’s willingness to listen, grow, and become the man his potential promised him to be. ]
In a hundred different ways… [ at least. he smiles in lieu of giving those words voice, instead leaning in to brush a kiss to one of those rosy-cheeks. ] There’s no one who’s made me prouder.
[ that’s the sugar-honey, sweetheart response that is deserving of a pause. but shiro doesn’t pause. shiro noses along that flushed cheek and huffs breath at keith’s ear, the hand at his hip sliding over keith’s curves to cup at his ass cheek. ]
Like now. [ he’s proud. so very proud. ] You’re keeping me so warm and so wet inside you, patiently waiting for your fucking.
[ flexing his own ass to add some upward pressure of his hips, shiro once more tests the fit of their bodies. the softness of his cock hasn’t filled out, but he’s plumper, enough to be encouraging to the idea that the rest of the wait may not be too terribly long. before, shiro had thought stroking keith off would be a nice way to pass the time; he hasn’t given up on that idea, but he’s yet to move his metal hand in between their bodies. instead, his focus is on inching his fingers toward the crease of keith’s ass, not at all shy about finding whatever slick there is to be scooped up, slathering his fingers with it. ]
You’re such a good boy. [ a beat. a huff. an audible smile. ] My good boy.
[ he may not be able to deliver on cock fucking, but he can with finger fucking, which he does by pulling at keith’s rim with his slicked index finger, fitting it in alongside his cock, just to give keith that fuller feeling. ]
[ with shiro now closer than ever, keith shivers bodily, skin goosefleshed where the suggestion of touch makes him feel overheated. just as before when shiro had him ass up, spread over his knee, and waiting for a palm to deliver a stinging slap, keith has no explanation for what it is about any of this that kicks aside all his defenses, silences the obvious protests he should be having, and yanks him physically, mentally into painful arousal.
shiro is proud of him. fuck. the thought alone makes his balls ache as shiro's hand goes down to the split of his cheeks, finger swirling in slick before demanding entrance at his already stuffed hole. keith doesn't a proper chance to process any of it. not really.
the fact that he hasn't felt like shiro's been proud of him in a long time back in his reality passes keith by in the blink of an eye, like watching the creation and burn out of a sun sped up in time-lapse. the gasp could be from anything. the added stretch at his rim, the faint heartache that's being tenderly soothed with shiro's touch, or the steady filling out of shiro's soft dick as it forces keith to take it's full girth once more, but whatever it is keith responds in the only way he knows how in the moment.
both hands come up to drape around neck and shoulders, head hung as he lits up a pinch higher on his thighs to give shiro the room he needs. ]
I- I'm your good boy. I - [ here, vulnerability slips through as keith buries his face in a shoulder. ] I couldn't be this for anyone else. Ever.
[ not only is the thought mortifying, but he doesn't fucking care about what other people have to say about his actions, his choices, and his life. the only person whose opinion has mattered so deeply that keith is willing to remold himself is the person he's clinging to. cock twitching hard against shiro's abs, keith stutters through ]
Da..play with me, daddy.
i'll just be over here closing my eyes for eternity
[ he is a good boy. approvingly, shiro murmurs softly, more sound than actual words, and turns his head to nose at the mess of black hair. rewarding keith further for his cooperation, shiro takes advantage of that gained space by thrusting his finger out and in, humming low in his throat at the drag against his cock. keith may feel fuller, but shiro feels tighter; keith’s ass is still such a wonderful vice around his thickening cock, muscle pulsing around him and quivering more as he moves his finger to test the limits of the stretch. it’s a tease for keith as much as it is for shiro, meaning that shiro’s legendary patience is taking a beating and that it, likely, will not be so legendary given a short amount of time.
or now, actually, because now, keith is stuttering through words that go straight to shiro’s cock. it has to be his imagination, right? he has to imagine the way he plumps up, growing stiffer and longer seemingly from one breath to the next. he isn’t into this daddy thing that much. ]
Yes, baby. Daddy’s got you.
[ god. that’s his voice. that’s him speaking those words. later, when all the oxygenated blood isn’t in his cock and some is left for his brain, perhaps he’ll reflect and feel an ounce of shame for what their first time has become. or maybe, he’ll double-down and revisit these kinks. either way, it is future shiro’s problem to deal with, because present shiro is bowing lower, nosing keith’s jaw to get at his neck. there’s a bruise on keith’s thigh and soon, there will be a matching one on his neck, just as wet and just as red.
shiro muffles a moan there, metal hand sliding between their bodies to find the first notch of keith’s cock, right there underneath his cockhead. a squeeze and an angle, to draw a sticky line against his abs, before he’s huffing against the wet patch at keith’s throat. ]
Messy, so messy. [ his voice tilts with obvious approval, only to be bolstered by the continued movement of his metal hand, now slipping down to the next ridge to pause and squeeze. this is the rhythm he takes, working his way down one ridge at a time, until he’s mapped out the entirely of keith’s cock from top to bottom. throughout, the finger inside keith occasionally draws out and in for a thrust, but mostly remains still, maintaining that full feeling. ]
So, baby, how do you want it? [ he’s back to nosing along keith’s jaw, fingers working back up keith’s cock in the slowest stroke imaginable. ] Do you want to show me how well you ride? Or do you want daddy to show you how well he fucks?
[ keith obediently tips his head back, granting shiro all the space he wants to suck, bite, and bruise marks into his skin as shiro sees fit. beyond the obvious thrill of being so plainly marked as belonging to shiro, there's a hard-to-pin exhilaration racing from sternum to cock at the thought of being malleable to his boyfriend's whims. to be used like a canvas for all of shiro's filthy desires.
fuck. the lewd thought is made all the lewder when paired with the gentle in-out motion of shiro's fingers, and the added fullness of a girthy cock waking up to demand space. keith shivers, breathing through his mouth as he swallows hard. this whole... giving himself over to another person, letting them take charge, use him -- it's all shit that'd been brought up before in some cringe-inducing discussion about submissives during "how to good mate" class. weird is all keith had thought at the time. weird, wrong, and definitely not for him.
but that was before shiro. before that agonizing slow rhythm of pressure rolling up his cock. keith whimpers, pleading without uttering a single word as pre meets shiro's fingers when they reach the tip. fuck, he's a mess and there's just no hiding it when merely being asked the question prompts a fresh dribble of slick.
breathing hard, keith tries for at least the facade of composure despite the fucking show of interest that his cock and ass insist on putting on. it's an impossible choice, really, and the sheer wrongness of knowing he's made plenty of difficult calls in the heat of battle without batting an eyelash, but this makes him stumble with all the indecision of a virgin only deepens the flush of his cheeks.
heart hammering and head flooded with just the prospect of shiro and him really fucking each other for the first time, keith groans, whines, and then finally growls his impatience as shiro squeezes up another ridge.
hand catching shiro's wrist to trap the hand on his cock, keith huffs and breaks into a feral grin. ]
If I ride you, you're sure you're not gonna nut on me early, daddy?
[ the words feel foreign, and yet it's easy to slip into. thrilling, really, because it feels like them again. no warnings given, keith flexes his thighs and rides shiro's cock up to the tip, pausing only to look down between his legs and shiver at the sight of them connected this way for the first time. ]
Cuz I'm not feeling patient anymore.
[ and with that, against better judgment, keith slams back down, taking all of shiro's cock in a single demanding motion, gasping throughout. but does he stop? no. trembling, he raises an eyebrow, still holding onto some of his defiances as he starts to ride. ]
Edited 2023-03-26 18:05 (UTC)
... no. you're the one causing this eternity eye closing
[ as much as shiro thrives off of a subdued keith, too turned on and too hazy in mind to do anything other than take what shiro is giving him, the opposite is just as addicting. that fight, fucking hell. throughout their friendship, competition, both friendly and goading, has guided them along, strengthening their bond. even as hard-edged as it has been at times, with keith pushing back with an attitude that hadn’t always read fair, shiro has been fond of him. that spirit is refreshing. fun. exhilarating. up until they found themselves here, that’s all it ever was, but now that he has a confident keith grabbing his wrist, jutting his chin and curling a grin that’s just shy of crazed, shiro finds that it’s arousing, too.
if i ride you, you're sure you're not gonna nut on me early, daddy?
that little shit…! he's grinning, too, though. it comes slow and tight, the upcurl slanting higher on one side. challenge accepted, that’s the translation of it. he allows keith a few more moments to bask in the moment with no resistance, doing little other than watching this boy lift up. his finger slips free on the way up and then shiro is letting that hand drop to the side, not at all guiding keith in any way. the payoff is another cheeky quip and a swift drop.
shiro fights against the flutter of his lashes and the way pleasure makes his eyes want to roll. he ends up, instead, going nearly cross-eyed with the unfocusing of his pupils, jaw tense with how tight he’s slotting his molars together. a harsh exhale comes through his nose but that’s the extent of it: no moan, no groan, no weak sound to betray him. it’s obvious, though, isn’t it? that he’s putting such effort into his composure. the fact that he still hasn’t found voice for a retort is evidence enough. still, he keeps on the charade that he isn’t wonderfully floored by how tight and hot keith is, riding so well on his cock. with that, he forces his voice level. ]
You caught me by surprise before.
[ looking so damn beautiful and sounding so fucking filthy. he huffs to stave off the moan building in his chest and working up his throat, hands coming to rest at keith’s hips. at first, it’s just to follow the movement of keith’s body, but one, two bounces and then shiro slides them behind, grasping each cheek of keith’s ass. there’s still a lacking quality of control in his movements; he’s merely following keith’s pace… and clinging harder to pull his cheeks outward, widening the stretch of keith’s rim just a few millimeters more. ]
That won’t happen again. [ it better not. he doesn’t think he can survive another unfortunately timed orgasm. ] This time, you’ll have to work for my cum.
[ the firm clench of shiro's jaw doesn't go unnoticed, nor does the intense look of focus on his face. the sight is beyond gorgeous, radiant in a whole other spectra than an arizona sunset. the fact that shiro is throwing the challenge right back in his face only adds to the wild adrenaline rush, but as delighted as keith is, it's impossible to be unaffected.
shiro's cock is already thick and demanding in any other position. taking it like this, with the full weight of gravity driving shiro in deep on every down slam of his thighs makes keith groan, fingers trembling as they cling to shiro's hips. full and hard, each tiny movement wrings pleasure out of gland upon gland, and with that added streth on his rim by greedy fingers, it doesn't take more than another bounce or so for keith to lose the feral grin to instead grit his own teeth, determination to take it and please, etche into the hard furrow of his brow. ]
You make it sound like I didn't work for it.
[ breath catching, keith cheats by bouncing up to the top of shiro's cock for the tiniest bit of a pause. moaning as shiro's cock head slips out of him, he shudders as cum drenched slick drips from the gape of his hole right onto his boyfriend's dick. keith watches the lewd show for two beats, moaning as he repositions shiros rock at his rim to dam himself back up. ]
Squeezed it right out your balls.
[ impaling himself just up to shiro's cock head, keith bites his lower lip and breathes hard for a beat. ]
Fuck. Fuuuuck.
[ curse dragging on as keith slams himself back down, his back arches, cock bouncing lewdly as his asscheeks slap shiro's thighs. [
You feel even bigger like this, daddy.
[ and yet, determined as ever, keith repositions his hands, reaching up to squeeze shiro's pecs, pushing them together as he flexes his thighs for another solid bounce up and down, over and over with increasing confidence. ]
Tell me... tell me how good I am.
[ a perfectly reasonable, breathlessly moaned request up until the moment keith overestimates an accidentally comes off shiro's dick entirely. interrupted mid-gasp, keith looks down, blinking hard, and clearly thrown off script. ]
Oh...
i continue to feel judged for providing such wonderful tags
[ holy shit, holy fuck. does shiro only think that or does he say that? attention so intensely spun with what is unfolding before his eyes, shiro lacks the self-awareness to keep track of the distinction between thought and voice. all he knows is that this right here is up there as one of the hottest things he’s ever seen: his spent cum seeping out of keith’s pink, puffy hole, so stretched and so gaping that everything just drips. a mixture of cum and slick plops right onto the tip of his cock head and shiro feels a whole body shiver work out from his cock, curling his toes, tensing his abs, and tightening his fingers.
as pleasing as the sight is, though, it riles him up in the opposite direction, too. his cum is falling out of keith. it isn’t sitting heavy inside him anymore, sticking to his inner walls and marking him deep. it’s a neanderthal thought of claim, but rational, civilized shiro left the cube some time ago, and now, he sees keith, his keith, emptying.
he grits his teeth and moves his hands to keith’s hips again, a moment shy of pulling that boy back down on his cock to keep that cum inside him through forceful, albeit pleasing means. but keith is good and beats him to it. the tension keeps in his jaw; with no other outlet, he tips his head back and lets his eyes roll behind closing lids. keith’s cursing and calling him daddy again, and holy shit, shiro definitely says it aloud this time. getting his eyes open with effort, shiro watches keith move and bounce, gaze continually shifting between keith’s face and cock, indecisive on which is more pleasing to watch. he ends up watching neither, actually. the sight of his own cock, flushed red and glistening with body fluids, disappearing inside keith over and over is mesmerizing enough to enrapture shiro’s attention.
tell me… tell me how good i am.
shiro’s mouth is already open, hanging on a part as he breathes harshly in and out. trying to compose himself, he presses his tongue to his upper lip and breathes even harder, just to steady his lungs… but then there’s a shift too far. the glorious heat is gone. the perfect hug around his cock is gone. keith looks confused, poised there above him. shiro doesn’t, though. all shiro needs is a moment to return to that earlier thought, of his hard made dam breaking and all his spent cum escaping this boy.
shiro becomes a force in the next beat, using his substantial size and weight to pull keith to the bedding as he rolls over. he doesn’t stop there though. he manhandles keith to get his belly down to the sheet before draping himself entirely over him, that same neanderthal brained incentive convincing him that this is what he needs to do to stake his claim: blanket him, encompass him, let him feel his weight and size. wet cock pressed along the crease of keith’s ass and chest resting along keith’s back, shiro presses him a little deeper into the sheets and bends close to his ear. ]
You’re good, you’re so good… [ cooed softly, shiro kisses the sweaty hair curled by his ear. his voice up curls, pitching with an audible smirk. ] – but you’re also cocky.
[ he got pretty overconfident there, huh? bouncing too roughly, too absentmindedly; keith was far too concerned with hearing how good he is that he fell off of shiro’s cock entirely. tsk, tsk. ]
We’ll need to work on your riding. [ many, many times. a soft huff and then there’s movement between their bodies, shiro lifting his hips enough to get his hand on his cock. he notches his cockhead between the crease and finds keith’s hole. ]
Not now, though. Now I’m gonna fuck you, baby boy.
[ that serves as the only warning. he pushes inside in one smooth thrust, bottoming out easily from the excess of slick and cum. it’s a messy affair; this close, with him reluctant to give keith much of any room to exist without shiro literally surrounding him, shiro doesn’t have the full range to pull out. short, quick thrusts is what he manages, each one dirty and grinding. ]
[ it's in that brief moment of pause where keith catches himself attempting to grind down on air that he remembers that sex is awkward. as amazing as exploring it with shiro is, in the moment embarrassment swallows him up whole like he's just fallen off a fucking tricycle. course correction would be as easy as holding shiro's cock in place as he settles back on, but the fact that he'd just been demanding praise keeps keith stuck grimacing internally.
but evidently, this momentary paralysis is only affecting keith. strong hands grab at his hips, and with barely a gasped yelp, keith is pushed bodily into the mattress with shiro's bulky frame draped on his back. keith groans, squirming and shifting enough to feign some resistance, but a shiver rolls visibly down his spine when words are breathed by his ear, and shiro's cock bumps the clef of his ass.]
Fuck.
[ it's not a fitting response. in fact, it doesn't address anything being said to him at all. but how the hell is he meant to? they've been going back and forth on controlling the tempo with keith ping-ponging between focused amusement and hielding mindlessly. the abrupt switch just now shortcircuits every neuron in his brain as shiro pushes in filthy and deep in a single motion.
grabbing two fistfuls of sheet, keith moans brokenly into the mattress as shiro starts fucking him with quick, snapped thursts. eyes squeezed shut, keith warbles unfinished, delirious thoughts as he struggles to lift his ass to crudely thrust his cock into the mattress in time with shiro's. ]
Fuck... this isn't-! It's not fair how you make me so hard.
[ trying to rock his hips into the mattress and getting only millimeters, keith whines and widens the split his legs for traction. >/s,all>]
C'mon, fuck me with your whole cock, daddy. Wan it... show me, please!
[ now that’s funny. lamenting the fact that he’s bagged himself a boyfriend who knows how to fuck well. makes him so hard, too hard, heh, what a problem to have. here and there, shiro catches himself wondering what other trysts keith has had with fellow inmates. he gets bits and pieces from keith, but never names or detailed recollections. for the best, really, because despite his acceptance of their situation and how choice is not always a possibility, shiro is as stubbornly monogamous as they come. possessive is another word for it, with full potential of being a touch too jealous. so he thinks good, let keith whine and gasp as his body takes on a mind of its own, so different from any other mediocre hook-ups keith’s had here. the only one who can make him this hard is shiro; keith better remember that.
the thought is satisfying, but shiro’s low-based, brutish focus has him grunting, teeth grit as this addicting boy widens his legs, trying to coax more of shiro’s cock. it works. of course it works.
as reluctant as shiro is to press his weight up and off of keith, who feels so good trapped beneath him, shiro is weak to the prospect of sliding inch by inch by inch of his entire cock in and out of that tight hole. all it takes is the mere suggestion and shiro is gone, pushing up with both hands to find the right leverage. he doesn’t stay perched on both hands however. his right does all the stabilizing, metal fingers splayed wide across the bedding. as for his left? it presses to keith’s spine, there between his shoulder blades, applying just enough pressure to keep him down and buried in the bedding.
adjusting his legs and widening on his knees, he abruptly changes the tempo. the next thrust draws back long; the drag is exaggerated, slow and patient as he finds the full length of himself, right until only his cockhead is kept tight. one pause and then his hips snap down, his slick drenched cock smoothly settling in as far as it will go to have his pelvis meeting keith’s with a loud, satisfying slap. repetition is easy. natural. he only needs that one run through and then he’s settled in, fucking keith in full, earnest strokes that come at a fast pace. ]
How’s that, baby?
[ does he have anything else to complain about? shiro smirks through a groan caught low in his throat, and adjusts his left hand higher, sweeping at the sweat curls of keith’s nape before pushing down again with just enough force to reestablish who is in charge. ]
You like being fucked into the mattress by daddy? Is this finally enough for you?
[ The hot weight on his back lifts, and keith heaves a huge breath, mindlessly starting to lift up onto his forearms as well. once again, however, he only manages inches before shiro's hand comes down firmly between his shoulder blades and pushes him back down hard into the mattress. gasping, any attempt to regroup is just as quickly thwarted by the long, slow, heavy drag of shiro's cock against gland after gland. hole fluttering uncontrollably, keith mewls, fingers and toes curling as hot slick seeps from the tight ring of his ass.
shiro is what he starts to moan, as the pressure eases up on his rim and the threat of suddenly being left to gape open and empty becomes more tangibly real. he gets through the first syllable and screams the rest as shiro abruptly snaps his hips to full depth. stars fill up keith's vision, cock and hole twitching and pulsing as shiro picks up a beautifully brutal pace.
whining and drooling on the sheets, keith is a shivering, filthy mess of keyed-up nerves and moans and aborted pleas. with just enough presence of mind to raise his ass up by lifting slightly up onto his thighs, keith wriggles up, panting and trembling as the angle shifts just right. fully adrift, it's having shiro's hand shift up to forcefully keep his neck down that keith lets out another hiccuped wail.
shiro is in control. completely, utterly, with keith just a fraying, unraveling constellation being masterfully pulled apart at his boyfriend's whims. pleasure hits in wave after wavee, with each hard thrust of shiro's hips battering his glands and forcing his cock to rut against the mattress like some horny teen. overwhelmed by how easily shiro does this to him, keith's voice is a pitched, desperate thing. ]
Y-yes! Please, please, I love daddy fucking me into the mattress,, I- fuck, Shiro! Daddy, m'm gonna cum, fuck! But I - I wanna, I wanna see you! Daddy, please?
[ so it isn’t enough for him, huh? so goddamn greedy. the thing is – shiro is, too. he thought, for a moment there, that this would be enough for himself: keith face down in the bedding, making wet spots with his mouth and his cock, so delirious with pleasure that the sounds coming out of him are beyond description. beautiful falls short. sinful is close. before, shiro said sex with anonymous was the best he’d ever had; this is better. so much better. there is no coming back from this. this is it. he’s ruined for anyone else. there’s never going to be a someone else who opens for him like this, takes him like this, begs for him like this…
yeah. begs. keith is wailing for daddy now, pleading to see his face and – fuck. suddenly, it’s not enough. not the sweat beneath his palm, not the clench of those fingers in the sheets, not the curve of that spine angling hips up to meet for a delicious slap… none of it is worth anything when that gorgeous face is buried in the bedding, obscured by tangles of hair.
shiro ruts into that tight heat once, twice more and then slides free. weight lifts off of keith in the same movement, giving him one, precious tick to breathe some stability into that empty body… and then that tick is spent and shiro’s hands are on keith again, flipping him onto his back. that movement is rather unceremonious; too rushed, too rough. but afterwards… there’s a shift in shiro’s demeanor. yes, he’s still brazen with desire, overtly confident in his domineering persona, but this time, when he takes himself in hand to butt his cockhead to keith’s wet hole, he takes a pause.
suspended in that position, shiro doesn’t push forward with his hips, only his torso. he gets both elbows to the mattress and frames keith’s head, hands coming in to smooth across keith’s face, pulling back the hair. gently, sweetly, like he actually has patience to let keith focus on his face before he gets back inside him. hands resting on either side of keith’s head now with wisps of hair caught between his fingers, shiro smiles down at his boy and lets the patience run out. with that, he pushes deep inside, in one, solid thrust.
it takes no time at all for the fervor to reach the same level as before. he forces keith’s legs wider through his thrusts alone, pelvis hitting hard and own thighs wide for leverage, everything bumping together in a messy race for the finish. keith said he’s almost there. shiro isn’t too far off, either. keith has to get there first. ]
Time to let go, sweet boy.
[ breath heavy as he pants above keith’s face, shiro somehow manages to keep his voice steady and unbroken. his floof is sticking to his forehead, strands sweat curled and scattered, but he’s still got that cock-sure smile, the pleasure making it tight. throughout, he keeps his gaze firmly on keith, no fluttering lashes, no closing eyes. he wants to see the moment the pleasure crests. he wants – ]
[ keith isn't sure what his pleas are amounting to. shiro continues to rut deep, making keith whine as his cock presses hard into the mattress. tangled up in a losing fight, the part of keith that's sulking over the request going ignored fades further and furthr into the distance as his whole body starts to tense up.
it all comes to such a sudden stop though, as shiro pulls out just before the crest into free fall. keith gasps, audibly shocked by the shocking loose gape of his wet hole. uncomprehending, he clenches over and over, until he's forcibly turned once again. there's no resistance to the show of force, his whole body too much like jello to do anything other than lie on his back, ope mouthed and breathing hard as he looks up at shiro.
their eyes lock and fuck. hands come up to frame his face, and there's shiro hovering just above him, radiant and actually seeing him. directing all of the raw energy that's kept shiro pushing hardr and harder to achieve greater feats as keith watched with jaw-dropping awe right at him. heart beating even faster, keith swallows hard, trying to ignore the suspicion that given just a tiny bit of help, he could cum just like this. ]
Fuck....
[ in many sense of the word, really. it could be a plea to keep going, but the tone of keith's voice isn't right for it at all. in fact, the intonation of it may as well be an i love you even though....
even though, he's not supposed to.
but then his legs are forced further apart, and keith groans as shiro's cock slips back inside to perfectly fill him up again. thoughts dissolving into cotton candy, keith only gets it together enough to drape his legs around shiro's hips, ankles crossed over his his ass, as he watches the focus on his boyfriend's face through half-lidded eyes.
time to let go, sweet boy.
can he? body wound up tight, tighter, keith can't even fucking breahte right, from how shiro seemingly fucks the air right out of his lungs. mewling, keith tries to get a word out, wanting to say something to indicate to shiro just how important and treasured he is, but those thrusts are unreleting.
show daddy.
they started this day on the strangest note, only for certain filthy revelations to come into the light. finding out that the anon that keith had been fucking had been shiro this whole time should be the weirdest thing about today, and somehow... it isn't.
daddy. show daddy.
with shiro demanding it from him, watching, and waiting, all keith wants to do is earn himself a proud smile. show daddy. i love you. Sentiments blur, whole body going rigid as keith grips the sheets, arching his back and lets out a pitched daddy as his cock jerks and spills hot slick on his belly. ]
[ keith looks absolutely fucked out of his mind. gorgeous. those half-lidded, drowsy eyes are mesmerizing; shiro can’t look away. the only thing that tempts him is that the distance between them is small. keith’s panting mouth is also a beautiful invitation and it would be so easy to bend down to take those lips as thoroughly as he’s taking the rest of his body. shiro doesn’t, though, not yet, not while legs are around his pistoning hips. one, two – it doesn’t take long. all at once, the tension solidifies and keith goes rigid, hole clamping down around him to have shiro choking on a groan. keith’s hole is fluttering sweet and wet now, the space between their bodies messy with shots of cum.
good boy. keith deserves praise for that. not only for showing him exactly how pretty he is with his face awash with pleasure and throat arched with the rest of him, reverberating on a wail for daddy, but because he keeps his hands tangled up in the sheets. does this count as cumming on shiro’s cock untouched? the bedding may have assisted keith in getting there, but shiro is hook, line, and sinker on the idea that his cock fills keith out so completely that his cock is all keith needs.
turns out, that’s all shiro needs, too.
filthy thoughts and filthier reality have shiro’s thrusts growing dirtier, the mashing of body parts messy and loud with the excess of sweat, slick, and cum getting caught in the crossfire. one, two – again, it doesn’t take long. seduced so thoroughly by seeing and feeling the accumulation of keith’s pleasure, shiro tips over the edge and follows swiftly behind. pelvis locks in close and holds tight, cock jerking to empty spurt after spurt of cum inside keith. again, he thinks with satisfaction, body tingling at the mental image of that pink, puffy hole slick and leaking.
to actually see it would, of course, require him to separate himself from keith, which is not something he will be doing just yet. he groans without words through his orgasm, just barely keeping his eyes open through it. and then? when he’s spent and shivering through the aftermath? he blankets down on keith more firmly, though he never lets his full weight rest on him completely. just a minute; he just needs a minute to bury his face into the little bit of space below keith’s jawline, to breathe and to collect himself.
he doesn’t allow himself all the necessary time. amongst the panting, there’s a heavier exhale, twinged with amusement and then he’s laboring through a thinly said: ]
Holy shit, Keith… you need to come with a warning label.
[ one orgasm, two orgasms, three… and everything that happened in-between. his body is too strung out to blush, everything about him languid and content. ]
That was…
[ beyond words, really. he lifts his head instead… and there it is. there’s the proud smile. left hand smoothing back some of keith’s hair again, shiro leans down to touch his nose to keith’s. given all that just happened, the following nuzzle is surprisingly sweet. ]
[ already a helpless mewling mess caught under shiro's body, keith's breathing becomes sharp, voice pitched high as shiro continues to fuck deep through his orgasm. with pleasure continuing to rocket through his body, keith groans as the hypersensitivity of thoroughly bullied glands milk out more squirts of cum. fists gripping hard at the sheets, keith whines as shiro's cock finally jerks and heat pours in his insides.
still unable to catch his breath, keith whimpers between hiccuped gasps as the stars in his vision start to settle and post euphoric lethargy spreads outwards to the tips of his fingers and toes. he blinks up blearily, heart beating too fast for comfort as he takes in shiro's proud smile. his chest feels tighter somehow like his heart is several sizes too small to contain every feeling in his soul. staring up with a hopelessly moony smile, keith lifts up an arm to drape bonelessly around shiro's neck. ]
You're wonderful. I... I can't believe how good we feel together, Shiro.
[ good. like the word comes close to doing the fluttery, contented bubbling in his soul a lick of justice. but he's rarely eloquent on a good day, and with his brain still, a wriggling pile of hormonal mush, the chances of keith finding better-suited words are nonexistent. but perhaps, the lack of eloquence is made up for by a rumbling purr. ]
[ at present, keith’s lack for eloquence is not a bother. see, shiro knows he’s meant to be saying something far more sentimental and lasting right now, too, but he’s saturated in brain numbing contentment, further tying into knots his ability to articulate. that’s okay, of course. they don’t need to put into words what is so easily felt in the moment. there’s affection here, so strong and so potent that he’s practically tangible. that should, perhaps, be concerning, especially to a man who, not so long ago, was talking about the another shiro, but it’s too easy to lose sight of responsibility, logic, shoulds and should-nots when a soft, rumbling sound kicks up in keith’s chest. ]
Stars, Keith. [ his voice still carries that breathless quality to it, only made more breathy with a combination of awe and fondness. ] I love it when you purr.
[ it’s a comfort. a reassurance. it makes shiro want to lay his head down, curl up, and drown himself in the sound… and actually? he thinks he’ll do that. first, he dips down, nose sliding along keith’s until he gets the right angle to press a soft kiss to his mouth. short, chaste, it’s more a parting than a hello, and then shiro is shuffling down to lay his head beneath keith’s chin, ear pressed close to hear that steady pitch better. ]
And yeah. [ a quiet sigh follows, voice dreamy as he closes his eyes. ] We do fit amazingly together. Makes me think we should’ve been doing this from the beginning.
[ oh. wait. the following huff of laughter plays across keith’s skin. ]
[ keith honestly isn't expecting the kiss to be as brief as it is, so a tick after shiro's moved on to settle at his chest, his lips are still pursed for a sleepy smooch. far too tired to be embarrassed about it, keith gentles into a pout, and then a yawn as he tips his head back on the pillow and slowly, carefully unhooks his ankles from around his boyfriend's ass. it's an awkward position, really, with his legs and ass still suspended off the mattress by shiro's weight, with each fractional movement of shiro's cock inside causing a faint throb.
and yet, keith does nothing about it. he rolls his head back on the pillow, opening up his neck and throat, and allows the purring to fill up a brief silence. as flippant as shiro is about the subject now, it's still difficult to wrap his head around the likelihood of such a strange series of coincidences leading up to this point in their lives. too difficult really, for keith to process while his head is stuffed with floating cotton balls. ]
... yeah. Heh. But I think this is the first time you actually got me feeling a lil tired, old-timer. My balls feel so empty.
[ as nice as the purring is, there isn’t a chance that shiro can actually fall asleep like this. tucked inside keith? yes, he could. that’s not the issue. the difficulty lies in the fact that he’s making a conscious effort to brace his weight on his forearms, not quite holding a traditional plank given the placement of his knees, but there’s enough continued effort that he can’t relax into exhaustion. he is, of course, also aware that the pretzeling of keith’s body cannot be wonderful to endure, even with this boy’s exceptional flexibility. allowing indulgence to withstand for another beat, shiro is given that extra push to lift his head when keith’s throat reverberates with another sound, putting the purring as a backdrop.
words.
keith’s teasing. shiro knows he’s bullshitting the bit of challenge there; has to be, because it’s a fact that he’s depleted this boy before, back when they were both anonymous, keeping a sheet between them. first things first, though, there’s something else to focus on. ]
Old-timer? [ eyes open and lips split apart, showcasing teeth caught up in a cocky grin. ] We’re back to that name already?
[ he kisses keith again, just because he can, putting a little more force, a little more depth into it this time. he’s definitely not an old-timer – does he have to prove it again? ]
Heh… [ pulling back with a playful flick of his tongue to wet his bottom lip, chasing whatever taste there is of keith there, shiro pushes up on his hands. here, he makes a show of slowly sliding his gaze down, eyeing the flush of keith’s sweat-slick skin from collarbones to pecs to belly, where it isn’t just sweat that has him wet. ]
I know one part of you that isn’t empty. [ gently, he shuffles further, still mostly locked together but letting keith’s spine straighten, ass coming to sit more evenly on the bed. ] Even when I pull out… you’re still gonna be full of me.
[ yes. yes they are back to old-timer because keith will never not be fond of teasing his best friend with that, despite the fact that space-time has shaved off a few years from their age difference. but of course, shiro cuts the potential of immediate banter short, first with a longer, filthier kiss and then by shifting and making keith gasp and reflexively clench on shiro's soft cock as his spine levels.
momentarily derailed, and easing back into steadier breaths and relaxing, keith only manages a squirmy huff before gently planting his feet on the mattress. he tries, really tries, to pout, but simply can't stop smiling in earnest. ]
It does feel like you got me real good.
[ lifting his arm off of shiro's neck, keith walks his hand down between his legs, index mapping out the feel of their connection, prodding gently at the base of shiro'c wet cock, and the stretch of his rim. \
When you pull out, it's gonna make a mess. I doubt I can hold it all, old-timer. [ a beat, then more cyly: ] ... Daddy. If you like that one better.
[ oh yeah. he got him good. real good. twice inside and once out. so make a mess? keith is already a mess of shared bodily fluids. keith’s an absolute vision, too, all flushed and languid, making it particularly difficult for shiro to get his breathing under control. he’s still got that unevenness going, eyes on keith as he rears back a little more, watching, as well as feeling, those fingers poke and prod. god, even that casual exploration is addicting. but shiro is depleted, too. his dick is soft, his balls are empty, he’s had three of the greatest orgasms tonight and he’s deep seated in satisfaction that has him fully sated…
until keith changes titles on him. daddy. oh. so they’re still… that’s okay… that wasn’t a one time thing…?
shiro’s very tired, very overworked cock twitches; it actually twitches and shiro swears he feels it spit out one, last drizzle of cum from somewhere. does he need to say it? is it not written all over his face? the low lashes that flutter, the soft rounding of his lips that utter oh, the heaviness of his gaze that drags like a caress up, up to keith’s face. ]
Yeah. [ breathy, too breathy. ] I like that one.
[ at least he has the decency not to embarrass either of them further by turning the question back on keith: do you still like being my baby boy? he simply assumes it, voice low with heat, despite having no real energy to follow through to anything more than a tease. ]
So what should we do, baby? Seems a shame to let my cum spill out of you.
[ for better or for worse, that wonderful twitch no commentary. barely even a sly grin because... a shame?
it's funny. if asked even just yesterday, keith isn't sure he'd have called spent cum dripping out of his ass anything close to a shame. that time he'd been far too fucking out of it with mindless pleasure to stop anon emptying loads inside him, it'd felt filthy, yes, but still not a shame to be rid of all that excess slick.
but shiro thinks of it completely differently, huh? keith stops exploring, wet fingertips smearing cum and slick onto the sheet. it's not a difficult problem to resolve. if shiro wants his cum to stay inside longer, then the answer is as simple as a plug. the fact that keith knows anything at all about this stuff is cause in and of itself to be having an existential crisis, but shiro looks at him so expectantly that keith blurts: ]
You could put a plug in me?
[ starting out strong, only to end in a questioning tone as his brain catches up to the reality of what he just fucking suggested, keith goes owl-eyed and flushes a vivid pink. heart hammering so loudly in his chest that it wouldn't surprise him if shiro could hear, keith stammers: ]
I mean, I-uh... I've never put anything like that inside before, so... if you have one that isn't you know... a freaky shape?
[ question: which is the more surprising part of this scenario? that keith is the one to suggest a butt plug? or that shiro actually has one? ]
Oh. [ a slow blink, brain so clearly processing that the words he’s hearing are actually being said. ] Yeah, I have one.
[ that isn’t freaky shaped. and yes, he unfortunately knows what constitutes as freaky shaped. ]
From, uh… one of those classes.
[ there had been a whole display table of butt plugs when he’d attended that re-entry class. how to clean things up, heh. he’d gone into that class thinking it would be a standard rundown of how to be a functioning adult with good hygiene and good maintenance, all of which shiro knew well enough from years spent at the garrison. he keeps his room tidy: always making the bed, always keeping the floor clutter free, always putting things away. it had been that, for a short while, but then the lesson had turned more toward how to clean up after sex.
at the time, he’d wrinkled his nose and squinted his dubiousness throughout the twenty minutes spent on butt plugs, but now he gets it. now he understands the practicality of using one to keep sheets and boy clean. well, cleaner.
he hasn’t used the class-given butt plug. hell, he’s hardly touched it since shoving it inside his locker at the other end of the cube. why he keeps these kinds of things, he can’t rightfully explain… but it’s a good thing that he does, he supposes, given the fact that he’s used a number of the wild items to come into his possession. ]
So – yeah. We could…
[ that heavy blush keeps shiro’s gaze and he considers it in the pause, feeling it necessary to slow the momentum and double-check, despite it being keith’s idea. ]
[ good question. is keith really okay with this? what is the actual source of the nervousness brewing in his stomach? obviously it's not the penetration aspect of it, considering the number of times he's been with shiro/anon in this way. ir's also not about a perceived lack of control. if at any point keith wants the plug removed, it's as simple as taking it out.
so that leaves him with what? trepidation around novelty? maybe. but the longer he dwells on that, the more ridiculous he feels. how is it that diving off a cliff on a hoverbike had been such a thrilling prospect, but wearing a butt plug for his doting, adoring boyfriend gives him butterflies?
still pink and feeling warm and light headed, keith laughs -- mostly at himself, then manages a more casual: ]
Yeah, I am. Just... don't tell anyone about it, 'kay?
[ meaning lance, pidge, whoever else might show up from their reality. not that keith thinks shiro would go blabbing about his sex life, but that's not the point. the point is that keith needs shiro to understand that every facet of vulnerability he's allowed himself to show around shiro is just for shiro's eyes only. ]
[ the request is unneeded. shiro isn’t the type to kiss and tell anyway, but he’s even far less inclined to share any bit of keith with anyone else, details of how sweetly willing he is in bed included. unbothered to point this out, however, shiro merely indulges the boy with a softening expression and a simple: ]
Okay. Your secret’s safe with me.
[ all of his secrets, really, not just the one’s happening in the bedroom. shiro knows how precious it is to be considered keith’s confidant. it took a lot of effort and a lot of understanding in the beginning, but now, they are years of progress away from the boy who once was so closed off that he was ready to be sent back to the group home. so his lips are sealed; he fully intends on keeping that trust. ]
You’ll need to help me, though. [ a smile and a gentle caress of his palm along keith’s thigh. ] The plug is in my locker.
[ meaning? shiro needs to move, which will, of course, dislodge the dam. ]
When I pull out… [ he grasps keith’s hand then, drawing it back down to their joining. ] … you stick your fingers inside to stop the spill.
[ keith huffs, settling more readily into amusement with that simple bit of reassurance. with his fingers led back up, he once again can't resist caving into morbid curiosity with the stretch of his hole and circles the circumference of shiro's soft cock. part of him wishes he could see, but the thought of actually having a picture taken is a little too flustering. a request for another time, perhaps. in the meantime, he circles lower to playfully squeeze shiro's sack with a laugh. ]
Think I'm gonna need to do more than just fingers, Shiro.
[ a breath, then he flexes his abs, and hikes up a long leg, holding it flush to his torso to angle up his hips to keep gravity on his side. ]
is that a calculated effort to intentionally stroke shiro’s ego? embarrassingly, it hits its mark and shiro, intensely lizard-brained in this particular area, preens at the suggestion that he is so large that keith is stretched beyond remedy. no response comes, however, mostly due to keith hitching a leg up. still hugged inside of keith, the movement has keith’s ass flexing and muscle shifting along his shaft. depleted he may be and a touch oversensitive, too, but it has shiro shivering nonetheless, breath coming out in a whoosh of one, heavy exhale.
rebooting brain neurons that seem to have short circuited, shiro blinks lazily first and then in a quick flutter of lashes, giving himself a swift, mental shake. ]
Right. Okay.
[ adjusting his weight, he allows himself one more, full cycle of breath and then drags his hips back. he doesn’t moan, but he does grunt at the last inch, when keith’s rim gives his cockhead that final goodbye hug. air hits his slicked cock and he’s shivering anew, gaze dropping immediately to take in the sight.
holy fuck.
now he moans. keith’s hole is pink and puffy and absolutely perfect, glistening with slick and cum. too much cum. it’s right there, stuffed white inside the pucker of his rim. ]
Hurry. [ why does he sound so hoarse? ] Don’t lose any.
[ as thoroughly amused by the reaction as keith is, he makes a concerted effort not to laugh and keep his hole relaxed as shiro slowly drags his hips back. shiro is soft, of course, but the steady, gentle drag over glands and rim makes his skin prickle, breath catching as he watches shiro's glistening cock pop free. keith doesn't have a good enough angle to see what exactly it is that makes shiro moan the way he does, but his cock and hole twitch in response, causing some of that hot slick inside dribble free.
so much for don't lose any.
groaning, keith pushes his index inside, then quickly adds his middle and ring finger to fill out the loosened gape of his rim. biting his lower lip, keith lets his breath out slowly, testing the give of his ass with a tiny clench and moans. ]
Look what you did to me, daddy. I want you to show me sometime.
[ one finger, two finger, three. shiro prompted keith to do this. shiro is the one who had more time to come to terms with the next step in their plan, seeing as it came to life in his mind first… but he’s the one who is far more affected by it. struck-dumb, shiro’s gone slack in the jaw and soft in the features, eyes rounded and dry as he delays a necessary blink. it’s just so filthy; the position, the fingers, the mess…
how is he so wet?
he watches keith squeeze around his own fingers and he can almost feel it, his body reacting to the phantom touch of keith wrapped around his dick. again, he shudders through a moan, only for him to stutter and stall, noise cutting off for a sharp inhale instead.
when is that word going to lose some of its power over him? ]
Keith!
[ voice hitting a scandalized pitch, shiro tries not to fall prey to it but… well, of course now he’s thinking about showing keith. he’s meant to be getting up, he reminds himself. and he does, absentmindedly and bumbling, nearly tipping off the edge of the bed before getting his foot down to the floor. but instead of thinking of his original task of fetching the butt plug, now he’s thinking of his tablet. ]
I should take a picture of you now. You look…
[ his cock hangs soft and useless between his legs, but that doesn’t mean he lacks heat. he’s warm and wanting, eyes hungry with the way he stares down at his boyfriend done up on the bed like an absolute treat. ]
[ that suggestion at least gets keith to fall back to reality. head snapping up from craning down to try and get a better look at his ass, keith blurts: ]
Wait, no -- don't. [ a beat. ] I'm kinda nervous about the Warden hacking into tablets and setting lewd stuff like that as the profile pics for that stupid autogenerated Tinder thing.
[ granted, keith still has zero explanation for how a close-up of his ass ended up as his first profile picture considering he's never taken a shot like that before... so perhaps in hindsight, maybe paranoia here isn't going to preserve his dignity any better?
uncertain, but not wanting to kill the atmosphere entirely, keith pauses and adds with a coy smile: ]
... bu maybe show me with a mirror?
i'm kind of upset that i didn't get this up on easter because... well. y'know.
[ … that’s a good point. if asked, shiro would stand by his ever accurate explanation that space magic bullshit is the culprit behind those profiles – as it always seems to be when strange occurrences happen – but he’ll concede that it’s a good idea not to tempt their captors with easily retrievable, saucy photos. shame. shiro’s back to that word; unlike before, however, he won’t tease keith into submission. he’ll just need to checkmark that box off his sentence sheet some other way, some other time… not that that’s why he wants a picture of keith like this.
god, he can’t even look at him without buzzing all over. he does, though; look. he still is. but here, now, he makes a conscious effort to take his fill and lift his gaze, quirking a small, regretful smile. ]
I’ll have to get one.
[ a mirror. the cube only has one: a medium sized one earthquake glued to the wall above the bathroom sink. any time shiro’s wants something smaller, he uses his tablet’s camera as a makeshift one, but well… can’t use that. ]
Next time. [ because of course there is going to be a next time. many next times. maybe even soon if keith keeps looking delectable, empty balls and soft cock be damned. huffing once, shiro takes a backward step from the bed. ]
For now… let’s get you fixed up. [ and then he’s turning with the next step, padding to the other end of the cube to get to his locker. it’s already unlocked and partially open. after a short rummaging, he finds the item of choice and then backtracks to the bed. as he approaches, he adopts a sheepish look about himself, holding the item up for an easier view. ]
Keep in mind that I didn’t choose this. Everyone in class got the same model.
[ keith cranes his head as shiro rummages through his locker. from his spot on the bed, he doesn't actually get a proper look inside, but a newfound curiosity for what kinds of knick-knacks shiro deems worthy of holding onto makes him twist anyway. not that shiro is gone long, soon enough he returns to the bed with the plug in his hands and keith can't helping huffing a laugh at the soft bunny tail.
sure, now he's got questions about which class shiro even attended, but an extended imagined hypothetical world in which his boyfriend is seriously into pet play fetishes only makes keith fluster. dropping that thought immediately, he instead relaxes, head resting on the pillow. ]
But you kept it, so... you must like it?
[ more teasing than serious. sometimes it's easier to just throw the random crap provided in class into a locker to rot. keith would know about that, too swallowing, keith shifts his gaze from the ceiling back to the toy in shiro's hands, assessing. it's smaller than shiro's cock for starters, which is reassuring, but he can't help wondering about how it'll feel inside. ]
Heh. What would you have picked for yourself if not?
[ that would be the logical conclusion, wouldn’t it? you kept it, so you must like it. yes and no? it’s not as though shiro walked out of that classroom with this plug in hand, immediately thinking keith. they’re in prison and while this compound is far more giving in resources than shiro’s previous experience of alien prison, he is of the habit of hoarding anything given to him. when anatomy is greatly hampered, one must take advantage of every available avenue; who knows if or when such a toy could come in handy. maybe he could have traded it for something more useful from another inmate. now, of course, that option is off the table, but the point stands: he kept it for strategic means, not because he thought keith would look nice plugged.
… that’s such a farce.
denial only works until keith asks a second question. before, shiro had given a noncommittal hum, neither confirming nor denying that must like it inquiry. put on the spot, shiro fails at maintaining that poker face, instantly giving with a blink that softens his features and has him looking younger. he doesn’t shuffle, so there’s that one, saving grace, but he does fiddle with the bunny plug, twisting it over in his hands. mouth opens, hesitation hits, and he stalls for one beat, two, before doing the foolish thing of answering honestly. ]
… There was one during class…
[ it was, unfortunately, not the model given out to the eight or so inmates who attended that lecture, but it did make the display table. he shifts onto the mattress then, crawling back between keith’s legs, the split focus helping the words come easier. ]
It had a base like a rocket ship. [ hearing himself, he has to pause and laugh. amazingly, he keeps going, though. ] It had nothing on the one taking the Persephone up, of course, but…
[ settled, shiro sits on his knees, ass resting on his heels. ]
It was kind of… I don’t know. [ a one shouldered, casual shrug. ] Fitting?
[ Honestly, keith has no fucking clue what kind of answers might come out of this line of questioning because he himself is not a connoisseur of butt plugs. having lived in porn prison for as long as he has makes it impossible not to be aware of the range of harmless to horrifying shapes, sizes and colors, but... ]
A rocket ship?
[ forgive him for sputtering on a laugh. keith himself couldn't explain what exactly it is that's funny here. the fact space-themed sex toys exist at all, or the fact that his boyfriend is an absolutely unbelievable nerd. fuck. maybe it's both, with a sprinkling of relief from knowing that shiro isn't into pet play specifically that's gotten keith feeling particularly tickled.
whatever the case is, the belly laugh doesn't subside quickly, but keith struggles all the same to recompose himself, expression still amused but adoring as he looks up at shiro through the side split of his legs. ]
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that kind of rocket ship would have to be fitting by nature.
[ he snorts, clears his throat and gives the fingers in his ass an enticing wiggle in pseudo-apology. ]
You should have taken it if you liked it, Shiro.
at this rate, we'll be doing this thread longer than titanic
[ yes, yes, shiro will forgive keith for laughing. at him, he tacks on in mind. again, he’s falling into some ridiculous stereotype. first, a military man developing an authority kink. now, an astronaut having a preference for space-themed toys designed for the ass. guess that means he should really emphasize the ass in astronaut. huffing at his own thought process and then outright chuckling to keith’s little zinger of a joke, shiro rolls his eyes and prods at keith’s hand.
keith’s done a relatively good job of blocking the drip and flow, but that isn’t to say it isn’t a mess there anyway. scooping up the splattered mixture sticking to keith’s skin in various spots between cheeks, between thighs, shiro transfers it to the curved end of the plug. ]
And catch another misconduct for stealing? [ he catches keith’s eye around his leg. ] No thanks.
[ the last time that happened, he wound up in a dress for a week. not shiro’s opinion of a good time. besides, the opportunity is long past; not much to do about it now other than to forget it and move on. ]
This’ll have to do. [ a beat and another prod at the back of keith’s hand, bringing the plug down closer. ] So c’mon… let’s be quick with this switch. Count us down?
[ … three, two, one, blast off? yeah, truly is a shame this isn't a rocket ship. ]
[ ah yes, the ever-looming threat of a misconduct. all things considered, perhaps keith ought to be more concerned about those, but ... he isn't. at least not for offenses he sees as relatively minor in nature. trying to get into places that I've been deemed off-limits? sure. he'll think twice about that, but for taking sex toys in a place that's actively trying to encourage sexual activity? not so much.
but with nothing to gain from having this debate with shiro, keith makes a mental note to keep an eye out for this fabled rocket plug. for entirely innocent reasons, of course.
for now, he watches his boyfriend smearing slick around the plug with a mix of genuine curiosity and trepidation. despite knowing the insertion of it won't be uncomfortable so long as he stays nice and relaxed for it, it's still something new going in his ass. keith expels a huff of nervous laughter, then: ]
Okay, we'll do a countdown. If you insist, mission control.
[ why yes, keith is still a little too tickled by shiro's fondness for space-themed sex, but at least he isn't outright laughing anymore? taking a slow, deliberately deep breath, keith counts off: ]
In three, two, one... [ lift off? keith almost makes the joke, but in the moment he pulls sticky fingers free, all he manages is an audible gasp as his hole flutters and gapes. ]
[ yes, he does insist. charmed by keith’s willingness to continually indulge him, shiro grins and readies the plug, gaze oscillating between meeting keith’s and eyeing the placement of those fingers. keith is the stronger of the two; he resists the low hanging fruit of a very obvious, very cringe joke.
shiro does not.
so when that hand shifts and glistening fingers slide free, shiro notches the plug to that wet, fluttery hole, immediately picking up where keith left off. ]
We have ignition. [ a bit of pressure and the tapered end of the plug slips inside, easily fitting due to the looseness of that thoroughly fucked hole. ] And liftoff of the Bunny 1, the first of its kind to dock to the Keith Space Station.
[ it’s neither long, nor wide, so it doesn’t take long for the entirety of the plug to settle inside. shiro gives the fluff ball a brief drag of his fingers as he pulls away to survey his work. ]
Mission success… and a cute one at that. [ shifting his gaze to keith’s face, shiro quirks a hopeful smile. ] Wanna roll over and give me a full look?
[ insofar that keith had any expectations for a first involving butt plugs, the possibility that it would happen while shiro is spouting off a horrible bit about space launches had not crossed his mind. ever. shiro makes it actually impossible to remember being nervous in the first place because even with the unfamiliar press of cool silicone on his ass, he's too busy laughing.
the bunny`? keith space station? what the ever living fuck, and why is any of this an actual delight? the plug slots in with little resistance, though the unfamiliar shape of it makes keith squirm as shiro gives the cottontail a parting pull before release. ]
You're an unbelievable nerd, you know that? How many bunny ships are there?
[ his nerd, though and everything about his tone and sweet heart expression is another unspoken i love you. taking a moment to re-center, keith clenches experimentally, making the tail wiggle, though it remains firmly planted inside. ]
Heh. Feels kinda weird.
[ but not unpleasant, so of course, keith obliges with a roll onto his stomach and pushes himself up onto his hands and knees to rock his hips from side to side. ]
HOw's that?
i think they will. shiro needs to recharge his prince
[ hey now. no need for name calling. shiro’s grinning, though, no offense taken. impossible to even pretend to when keith’s voice is like that: sweet, joyful, affectionate, laced with laughter. shiro’s a touch moony in the eyes, too, fondness overflowing. ]
One right now, but depending on how this launch goes… who knows.
[ truthfully, shiro hasn’t given butt plugs all that much thought, either. they’d never been a thing in his bedroom activities with adam. he’s starting to see the appeal, though, of keeping his partner full and loose. maybe bunny 2 will be a larger plug, to keep keith properly stretched so, next time, when they wake up, shiro can slip right inside. it’d be nice to fuck the drowsiness away, both of them sweet with sleep but hungry for closeness.
yes. next time. he’ll need to talk to keith about it later. for now, keith rolls over. not just that, he spoils shiro by propping himself up and wiggling his ass. this boy – fuck. shiro is deeply sated from their numerous couplings, but he’s still a very gay man with a very attractive boyfriend, so it doesn’t take more than an ass wiggle for him to want. his body will not be cooperating with his heart and brain, unfortunately, not until he’s had time to rest.
shame.
he makes an approving sound and reaches forward, catching keith at those swaying hips. a squeeze and a bracing of his arms gets them to stop. it’s then that he leans down to press a kiss to the top of his ass, right below the dimples at his lower back. ]
Very cute.
[ lifting up, shiro backs off to survey keith’s ass and… it isn’t bruised, exactly, but the redness left behind by his spanking hasn't dissipated. cute isn’t the word for how that looks. again, he’s only reminded of how exhausted he is when his dick has no energy left to even twitch at that attractive view. ]
Do you think you can sleep with it in? Because as much as I’m enjoying the view… you wore me out.
[ hips caught, keith twists to look over his shoulder just in time to watch shiro leaving a chaste kiss just above the split of cheeks. not knowing what to do with that filth-laced sweetness, keith warms around the face and has to laugh away the ...heh, bunnies in his stomach. ]
If I don't move around too much, maybe?
[ keith wouldn't know. it's not as though he's ever conducted the experiment of falling asleep while penetrated. the number of firsts that have ome up in the last hour alone is a little staggering, though keith takes it in stride. carefully, he lowers himself down to forearms, ass nad hips still up high and caught between shiro's hands. ]
[ … stop tempting his exhausted dick, keith. the curve of keith’s spine is a pretty thing and, naturally, shiro takes great interest in it as the front goes low and the ass stays high. he flexes his fingers, giving keith’s hips dual squeezes – in warning? in approval? in a bit of both? – and then breathes out the tension, softening his hands. ]
When we wake up.
[ with that, he finally lets go of those captive hips and moves back, granting keith the space to make himself comfortable. shiro does much the same, part shuffling, part crawling to the stretch of bed beside keith. as he lies down on his side, hitting the pillow first with his hand to fluff it, shiro tacks on a sly: ]
Maybe I’ll fuck you again before we finally tidy up and become respectable prisoners again.
[ after one final squeeze, shiro moves away and shuffles to roll on his side. in spite of his newfound freedom, keith stays put for another beat, then gingerly straightens out one leg after the other to gently lower his belly to the bed. sticky from head to toe, keith drops his face onto a pillow and ets out a muffled noise that's part groan and part relief.
allowing himself go boneless for a moment, keith breathes in the faintly sweaty musk of the sheets before twisting just his face to look at his boyfriend beside him. ]
Maybe.
[ repeated with a heavy dose of exaggerated incredulity, keith reaches across to playfully swat at shiro's pec. ]
You better. Otherwise, it'll be old-timer instead of daddy from here on out.
[ first name calling, now physical abuse?? keith’s hand connects and while it isn’t anywhere near forceful enough to knock the wind out of him, shiro exaggerates his exhale. oof is somewhere in there and then he’s capturing that weapon, clutching it tight as he flattens their combined hands to the pillowed space between their faces. a scoot, a drag, and he locks eyes with keith over their hands, mouth flipping up in a smirk. ]
Just for that, I’m gonna fuck you twice.
[ the would-be punishment is sounding a lot like a reward. undeterred, he laughs and lets go of keith’s hand, reaching out to trace his spine instead. ]
And because I’m such a generous daddy – [ and not old-timer. ] – I’ll let you redeem yourself with another go at riding me.
[ it’s right about then that he gets to the bottom of his spine. a quick walk of his fingers and – bop, he gives the fluff a playful tap. ]
[ and like clockwork, as soon as shiro gives the bunny1 a tap, keith gasps and squirms as the plug nudges something sensitive. keith starts to twist in an attempt to swat shiro's hand away, only to stop with a half-startled moan as the plug burrows a little deeper with the stretch. ]
Ah - don't. It's really sensitive, Shiro....
[ with a tiny grimace, keith carefully straightens back out, face planted in the pillow. ]
It was nice. In that position, I mean. Just kinda hard to focus because I like looking at you so much.
[ truthfully, shiro isn’t surprised by keith’s confession. it’s heart stoppingly obvious in keith’s eyes and in the perfect shape of his gasping mouth, but it’s always nice to hear it stated so simply. i like looking at you so much. yeah? shiro’s lips twist up, finding a boyish curve as he keeps his gaze on that half-hidden, pillow smooshed face. ]
I like looking at you, too.
[ which means he’s often looking at keith, taking note of subtleties. now isn’t any different. as adoring as he is of that ridiculously cute fluff, shiro gives the stiffness of keith’s stretched body and the carefulness of his movements another thought. palm gingerly rested at the small of keith’s back, shiro rubs in a gentle, soothing motion. ]
We can take it out. [ especially if the oddity of it is forcing keith to consider sleeping on his belly. anticipating an immediate decline, shiro reassures with a playful: ] I’ll still give you a nice fuck in the morning… but I want you to be comfortable.
[ … and he kind of, sort of, really wants to hold keith, so if it’s the plug or spooning… well. ]
[ shiro is right to anticipate an immediate refusal, though something about getting pre-emptive reassurance on the fuck schedule makes keith laugh rather than protest.
it's just... kind of amazing, isn't it? even last night the question of them having sex was still up in the air, despite a mutual agreement to at least try on keith's birthday. so the matter is completely settled between them then? a fluttery yet contented feeling settles in keiths' stomach then, a warm smile spreading as he turns his face back towards his boyfriend. ]
Good. [[ and with that, he reaches across to squeeze a muscular shoulder. ] But your Bunny1 can stay in. It's not uncomfortable. It's just -- I'm not used to moving around with something hard inside. It makes me think of you.
[ here, the smile turns a little shy, the hand tracing down shiro's arm to rest on his elbow. ]
And how good it feels when you fuck me. But I can't have that right now, so...
[ so he’ll take what he can get? in this case, a smaller, shorter, mostly stationary plug? keith has gone all shy but shiro has not. he beams wide, delighted both from keith’s willingness to keep his cum tightly dammed up inside and his readiness to admit that shiro is the immediate thought in his head. hand still at his lower back, shiro curls his fingers, blunt nails catching gently. ]
Sorry, baby… like I said, you wore me out.
[ a quick nap, that’s all he needs. maybe his body will kickstart awake in the middle of the night; would keith be opposed to round four then? the idea of having his sleep interrupted used to be a constant. shiro’s bout of insomnia hasn’t dissipated entirely, but he has managed to keep the worst of the nightmares away ever since keith started sharing his bed. unsurprising, he thinks, because who wouldn’t sleep well with this beautiful boy snuggled close, shiro sometimes waking to a nose at his throat and other times, coming awake to a mouth full of tangled hair. it’s more than a warm body sleeping beside him, though. it’s because it’s keith, the only one capable of pulling off the impossible feat of making shiro feel safe.
the thump-thump of his heart beats harder with this wave of fondness; heart spun, shiro is sweet and doting, leaning over to kiss keith’s shoulder. one, two and then he lets up on that hard pressure, resting his head back on the pillow, ever closer. ]
How about instead, I hold you until you fall asleep?
[ after that extensive whirlwind tour through various kinks that's left a plug in his ass, and a ruddy handprint on his cheeks, there really shouldn't be anything left that shiro can do to make keith fluster at this point. if anything, daddy should have been the end of all flustering, but then shiro presses a tender kiss to keith's shoulder and he simply melts.
body going lax, he surrenders himself fully to the warm fluttering in his chest and the swoop of his stomach. it's nice. more than nice. to be getting softer kisses and affection from his boyfriend, and while it hits a diffferent kind of intensity, his whole body rumbles with a loud satisfied purr. ]
Ok. I'd like that.
[ always has, for as long as they've shared a bed. falling asleep to shiro's arms around him has quickly become keith's favorite new way of falling asleep, but it comes with one caveat that keith voices as he gently rolls onto his side, facing shiro with a smile. ]
But I wanna wake up to you holding me, too.
[ because wakign up in the middle of the night to an empty bed that time had left keith wondering where shiro had gone and who hw was sleeping with. in hindsight, it's funny to think that shiro had gone to their old glory house and they'd been together throughout, but....
with a schooch, keith throws his arm over shiro's waist possessively. ]
[ the kickup of that purr is an unfair tactic; shiro is immensely weak for that. not that he'd been remotely considering the idea of not holding this boy until morning. still, caught both with the arm around his waist and that expertly dropped daddy, shiro can do little else other than nod. ]
Yeah. [ soft, breathy and highlighted with a smile. ] I can do that for you.
[ arm already draped, shiro secures the curl of that arm and brings keith closer until he is thoroughly and comfortably tucked into his chest. the sheet is… somewhere, crumbled up and kicked around from all their earlier haste. the opportunity to grab it and fix it over themselves is long gone though; no chance shiro is moving now. that's fine. shared body heat is enough with the temperature of the room.
his lips find keith's temple and then he's burying half his face back into the pillow, closing his eyes. ]
Happy birthday, Keith.
[ did he check-off everything he'd meant to? he took keith to the fair, won him a ridiculous plush, brought him home, fucked him… yeah. he even managed to fit in some spanks for the birthday boy. he should've gotten him something sweet at the fair; planned ahead with a candle or something similar and sung the familiar lines, just to hit all the traditions.
ah, well. hopefully he filled in well enough for anything keith could've wished for. ]
[ it’s been a rough week. shiro isn’t the type to believe in an arbitrary cut-off for a recurring time table, as though one bad week will be put behind him if he waits it out from saturday to sunday, with a fresh week starting anew with blank pages and an absence of all his prior mistakes. he’s put himself in this mess and until he cleans it up, it’s going to be bad week after bad week, because nothing feels right when he’s meant to exist with an empty, keith-shaped spot beside him.
he’s seen keith, of course, but that’s the extent of it. no shared laughter, no secretive smiles, no kissing, no holding, no fucking… – there’s an awkwardness between them now, one that doesn’t pit them as strangers to one another like a break-up would, but something edging ever closer to that. it’s bringing up some sour memories. this isn’t like his break-up to adam. it’s not a break-up at all; they’re fine. but shiro does remember that ever present, anxious feeling whenever he left his newly moved into, garrison provided single-dwelling. part worried, part annoyed at the never-ending chance of running across his ex-fiancé in the halls, the cafeteria, the officer lounge.
it’s not like that with keith, he reminds himself. the stark difference here is that he wants to see keith, even though every interaction of the past week has left him hollowed out and guilty, continually at a loss of how to rectify the misunderstanding between them. the problem here is that although he does recognize that he misspoke in an explanation that didn’t explain anything at all – we weren’t ourselves, keith – there’s also a part of him that stubbornly resists any obligation to explain himself. or god forbid, apologize.
… but hell, retiring every night to this bed that is far too large now, has weakened that resistance. he’s spent more of his life sleeping alone than he has sleeping with someone beside him, so theoretically, he should be better suited to sleeping alone. he’s not. it’s always particularly difficult to relearn how to sleep alone. frankly, he doesn’t want to relearn how to do that, because there are no words to adequately describe how wonderful it is to open his eyes each morning and find his best friend snuggled against him.
he can’t endure another morning without that. he can’t toss and turn through an entire night again, either.
if he showed up at keith’s cube right now, just as he is – empty-handed and a touch droopy-eyed from another horrid night – keith would likely accept him anyway. but shiro increases his odds by first taking a shower and then heading off to the dining hall to get some food in him. though his brain tells him he doesn’t have much of an appetite, his stomach disagrees. loudly. so he goes and he gets, settling on something quick by raiding the pastries. he specifically pilfers away a few extra, thinking that a peace offering of sugary sweetness can only help his chances of getting in the door.
turns out he’s wrong, because he never gets to keith’s cube.
see, he saw the broadcast this morning. it was concerning, of course, especially the lack of details of what is deemed punishable, but having dealt with confusing, not at all reliable rules on what these aliens deem enforceable, shiro’s decided that setting things right with keith takes far more precedence than doing the prudent thing of hunkering down in his cube.
it’s a mistake.
apparently, walking out of dining with extra food is now considered an offense. hoarder, greedy, taking more than his fair share… the sentries are not having it. and so shiro lets them lead him away. anxious, but assuming it will be little more than an inconvenience of time and a slap on the wrist, shiro cooperates all the way to some new structure that is still in the process of being built. everything after that is a whirlwind of escalating atrocities.
he probably shouldn’t have busted that first sentry that tried to rough him around into following the command of full-body stripping. the remaining sentries – and a few more that appear from somewhere – are on him shortly after that, jabbing him with something that makes everything foggy and rather pleasant after that. neutralized by a drug that makes him compliant and absent of inhibitors, shiro winds up naked shortly thereafter.
because they clap a collar on him, fasten belted ropes around him, and hook up… a contraption. if he’s so greedy for second and third helpings, then he should make no protests to whoever decides to unzip and cum dump in the funnel, right? either way, shiro’s too warm, too antsy, and too out of it to care, his muffled noises accentuated by the funnel. ]
( ooc: so the fanart but without the panties and the funnel connection is shorter? I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S WHAT THIS FANART IS SUPPOSED TO BE but let's go with that. fanart by BlopNSFW @ twitter )
Edited (cw ok, i always forget) 2023-06-24 14:35 (UTC)
[ in less than a week, it seems as though every seam holding keith's world together is pulling apart. it all started with the confusion and heartache of dialed-back affection from shiro which has spiraled into something impossible to navigate and has bled out into the further destabilization of reparacija itself.
of course, the two events aren't causally related, but timed one after another, it's hard not to be constantly uneasy over the escalation of dreary uncertainty. they're supposed to be stronger together, weathering whatever storms come their way, but these days they sleep apart and keep conversation at such a superficial level that keith would almost prefer not talking at all.
but that isn't what keith actually wants. he wants to be with shiro, and have his boyfriend back, even though it's unbearably lonely to be in love. because yeah, sure, neither of them were in their right minds when i love you was freely traded back and forth, but keith can't pretend that it hasn't knocked something into alignment in his soul.
in some sick way, this sudden distance is familiar. keith had never been in love with the shiro from his reality, but their friendship hasn't been the same. here in prison, it feels a lot like watching history repeat itself, slow and cruel. keith hates it with ever atom in his body, but he doesn't know how to pretend or lie about his feelings the way shiro wants him to.
so maybe the newly established warden and his ominous threats are actually a blessing in disguise. surely this warrants discussion together? long after the space wolf's fallen asleep after listening to keith talk himself in mental circles, he finally gets up. armed with nothing but speculation however, keith decides he ought to go to shiro's cube with something more useful. scoping out the new construction site that's just been rushed to completion would at least be a starting point.
it's still early enough to avoid some repercussions for breaking curfew, but with limited time on his hands, keith hurriedly makes it toward the completed construction site to find a stage. having been in porn prison long enough, keith has no doubts as to why this stage was fucking built in the first place, but soon enough it's not the assortment of horrible bondage rigs that holds his attention. ]
...Shiro?
[ keith almost doesn't recognize him because this doesn't seem like something shiro would participate in. but even uncharacteristcally posed naked, bound and gagged with some stomach-churning funnel attachment, there's no mistaking that the man on stage is shiro.
heart pounding in his chest, keith forgets everything else, pushing past a crowd of ogling inmates to elbow and muscle his way onto the stage. one word -- one sign that shiro actually wants to be here, and keith swears that he'll back the fuck off and stop acting like he has any claim to shiro in anyway, but until then: ]
Shiro!
[ trying desperately not to look in the funnel to see if it's been used or not, keith instead kneels to the ground to hold his best friends' face. the eyes are all wrong. vacant, glassy, and staring -- keith finds himself unable to breathe, think or feel anything, all sensation shattered. ]
Shiro, who did this to you?
Edited (tag got cut off :/) 2023-06-25 03:58 (UTC)
ino. i should do better in shielding our secret fans from such eye filth
[ shiro has no concept for the passage of time. minutes, hours, days…? for all he knows, he’s become a permanent fixture on this stage. or at least, that has been his foggy mindframe for the past few hours. the drug is potent, with an onset that hits quickly, but as with everything, duration is not everlasting. the effects wane slowly, breath by breath as his system filters out the drug. faintly, he’s aware of the forming crowd at the base of the stage, but he’s yet to feel any distress for their stares and indistinguishable words. he’s numb, still; numb to anything beyond the contented buzz of his brain, the one that keeps him relaxed in his bindings.
the drug has him running hot, however. so he keeps making these soft panting sounds into the mouthpiece, feeling the lightest sheen of sweat at his nape and his forehead, neither of which he can wipe away. even that doesn’t distress him. he tries, occasionally, to lift an arm to brush the wetness away, only to remember that oh yeah, he can’t move his arms. still, he doesn’t activate his galra arm to burn through the bindings. he doesn’t even think to. he doesn’t think to do much of anything except blink slow and drowsy, staring without truly seeing as minutes continue to drag and drag…
but then keith shows up.
he hears his name a few times, but it isn’t until keith is physically in front of him, so close that shiro can do nothing other than see him, that shiro finally remembers how to do something more than pant. he whines, instead.
keith. keith. he knows this boy. he loves this boy. everything is wonderful and safe and wanted when he is with keith. his brain may be too cotton-stuffed to process much of anything, but he doesn’t need to consciously think that through to know it. keith is here, which means here is where shiro wants to be.
the hands on his face are good. so good. briefly, shiro’s eyes slide shut and he sways into those hands, grabbling something that sounds suspiciously close to keith’s name. eyes reopen and even with them remaining glassy and void of sharp awareness, a hint of determination settles into his features. for the first time in hours, he shifts his body, trying to wriggle in his bindings to get closer to keith: he lean against, to bury against, to be as close as keith will allow him to be.
… which doesn’t go over well with the two sentries at the other end of the stage, which turn and begin advancing. if keith isn’t here to use the funnel, then his access to the stage is to be revoked. ]
[ shiro doesn't provide a clear answer, and keith kicks himself for it. how the hell is anyone supposed to answer with the end of a fucking funnel lodged in their mouth? even so, even with that obvious, stupid oversight on his part, keith still gets something resembling an answer. the shifting in shiro's body language is small and restricted, and the heavy breathing projected from the open end of the funnel turns into haunting and desperate. throat tight, keith is momentarily paralyzed, just taking this all in as shiro works through whatever's in his system to focus.
he never gets an answer to who did this to shiro, and that doesn't matter because that was never the right question to start with. in fact, what he should have said from the start is: ]
Shh, shh, I got you, Shiro. I'll get you away from here.
[ keith brushes shiro's sweat-dampened hair away from his forehead before reaching around to loosen the strap tied around his skull. if he'd bothered playing with these sorts of sex toys in class, maybe he could have popped that off without much fumbling. as it is, keith struggles with the buckle, overly conscientious of not hurting shiro by pinching his scalp or pulling his hair. ]
Sorry, I'm trying to get this loose ...
[ but he trilas off. heavy footsteps are approaching and while that doesn't necessarily mean anything bad as they could be coming for any of the other inmates on display, a glance up makes keith's stomach sink when he realizes they can't be so lucky.
the two sentries approach, and keith grows more agitated as he applies more force to finally get the buckle off to disconnect shiro from the blasted funnel. but with time running out, keith doesn't check in. instead his hands move down to the next belt looped around shiro's body. ]
Halt. You are not authorized to release inmate Takashi Sihrogane from his public service. Step away from the prisoner with your hands in the air.
[ keith grits his teeth, not paying the damn warning any mind. he does, however, glance up to estimate a distance. with the sentries already halfway across the stage, keith is faced with one of two options.
1) haul shiro up bodily and bolt 2) take out the two sentries, and then grab shiro.
with twenty steps left, keith scowls. neither option is looking great, of course, but that first one isn't really an option at all. how far would they even get like that? he spares a tick to kiss shiro's forehead and whispers: ]
[ trying to get this loose… oh. it’s a strange state of mind to be stuck in. the awareness is there and then not, one moment conscious of how uncomfortable the straps are and how much better it would be to have them off of him, but then the moment lapses and shiro is once again adrift with no tangible focus. even now, as keith pulls at the strap around his head, to pinch his jaw and to further mash his lips, the cogs in his head refuse to fire with enough power to realize that he can help.
keith said he’d get him away from here and so, shiro sits tight, letting keith do just that. at least until the sentries start across the staging platform. sentries, they’re bad, they put him in this position, they’re going to restrap the belt keith just got off of him…?
halt –
shiro makes a low, distressed sound in his throat and then, as he opens his mouth and works it over, stretching out the cramped way it’s been kept for hours, he manages a much more clear: ]
Keith.
[ helpful, huh? keith is turned to him again anyway, gentle in the way he kisses his forehead. ]
Inmate AA0005 is in violation of section 13-8411. Repeat, step away from the prisoner with your hands in the air. Move now or be forcibly removed from this area.
[ shiro’s almost there. he’s slowly dredging through the dope in his system, clawing his way out of the fog to begin feeling the anxiety ridden adrenaline spike necessary to finally offer him the clarity to do something other than blink slow and absent. not yet, though. he still sits there mostly bound, the only conscious thought now leading him to the faint realization that he’d been looking for keith earlier. and why had he been looking for keith earlier? ]
‘m sorry.
[ it’s mumbled and faint, not at all worthy of the apology he knows, deep down, he’s meant to give keith. ]
i suppose you are a good bean who doesn't deserve this... (cw: nsfw image link)
[ move now or be forcibly removed from this area. huh? after the more ominous nonsense from their new warden earlier on, this threat is so underwhelming that it almost makes keith laugh. the only reason he doesn't is because shiro distracts him with a mumbled apology.
taken aback, keith stares for a moment, brow furrowing as he tries to work out what this apology is even for. the unspoken distance that's permeated their relationship this past week? getting keith caught up in yet another altercation with prison staff? or is there something to the possibility that shiro had been here voluntarily in search of something keith couldn't give him?
whatever the case is, keith lets the lead-weight melancholy expand in his chest for two beats before shaking his head. this isn't the time or place to be discussing much of anything. ]
Later.
[ he kisses shiro's forehead again, a quick fleeting thing, and then keith is up on his feet, taking a step away from shiro to face the two approaching sentries.
one centering breath is what keith allows himself. no room for doubt, hesitation, or mistakes. he doesn't attempt to stall or delay the confrontation by responding with an explanation of a threat of his own. instead, he charges down the stage towards the two sentries, a white light in his hands as the black bayard teleports and activates, taking the form of a familiar sword.
his first swing with the blade bisects the first sentry, its top half tumbling onto the stage in a shower of sparks and whirring circuitry. thesecond sentry meets a similar fate as keith knocks it back by impaling it through the chest plate. it goes down, voice heavily distorting as its power goes offline: ]
Inmate AA0005, drop your weapon. I repeaaaaaaat
[ keith expels a heavy breath, watching as the sensor lights in both sentries blink off and the robots lie still. maybe that'll result in misconduct, maybe it won't, but either way, keith deactivates the bayard and quickly moves back to shiro knowing that there's only a small window of time before reinforcements show up.]
C"mon.
[ but that time estimate was made with a previous warden in mind. this one, the new guy who promised there'd be more stringent crackdowns, evidently has every intention of keeping his word. keith barely makes it three steps back toward shiro when something sharp hits the back of his neck. pain shoots down his spine and keith buckles, falling onto his knees as his vision blurs and doubles.
hot. why is everything so burning hot?
from backstage, two more sentries emerge, one lowering a tranq gun as they approach. together, the two haul keith up onto his feet. keith ragdolls between the two of them, his head and body too heavy to lift or put up a proper protest as they throw him on a bondage rig. ruthless in their efficiency, the sentries secure keith's arms to the frame, before ripping off his pants and forcing his legs wide open. unable to think clearly, keith groans and whines pitifully. ]
Inmate AA0005.You have been issued an infraction. You are hereby sentenced to 24 hours of public service.
[ keith doesn't fully hear it. not really. instead he turns his face, trying to find... his bayard? no. trying to find shiro somewhere, only for his focus to snap between his legs as the sentries secure an adjustable extension for a large pistoning phallus into place. even through the drug-fueled lethargy, the sight of it awakens some primal terror. thrashing heavily in his binds, keith screams.
i would screenshot good bean but everything else about the screenshot would be incriminating
( cw: drugs, robo-murder, burns. i had to put the cw warning here bc we needlessly fill up the comment box ROFL )
[ the situation is a precarious one. it isn’t lost on shiro completely. the apology may be said and done, but the unease stays as he watches keith dispose of the sentries with chilling efficiency. unmoved from his spot, shiro does manage a meager mustering of a smile as keith turns back to him. good job, comes to mind, but he doesn’t find the effort to move his mouth to say it. just as well, because in no time at all, something else is being ripped from his vocal cords instead. ]
No!
[ simple, yet anguished, the protest fails to make any sort of impact as keith ragdolls into a heap that is then apprehended. keith, he thinks. help him, whispers in next. reflex isn’t quick, however. he eases into his movements, as if relearning how to do something as straightforward as moving his arms to test the bindings keith didn’t finish undoing. motivation is building quickly and with each shift, the next comes easier, quicker, stronger. keith’s being hauled onto an apparatus now, groaning, whining, screaming –
there it is. there’s the spark of purple that engulfs his hand and spreads upwards, drawing lines into the metal that forms his arm. a force of will has the metal burning hotter until it simply burns through the strap. the others suffer similar fates as shiro maneuvers his hand, slicing through them.
he stumbles into his first step, but it's sheer determination that carries him through the drugs that continue to weigh his limbs and off-center his perceptions. he may be less coordinated than his usual athleticism affords him, but he’s a freight train of power as he throws his mass at the sentries now turning to him. one decapitation and one punch through… neither feel any pain, of course, and shiro is sick enough in his haze that he’s almost disappointed by that fact. how dare they touch keith. how dare they put him in this… this… ]
Fuck.
[ his foot drags against the stage in his next step, the line of which diagonals. he manages to come to keith’s side, though; he’s just not entirely there balance wise as he sways and then clamps his hands down on the rig near keith’s hip, steadying himself. he inadvertently melts part of it with his hand.
right. be careful. ]
I’ve got you.
[ it’s an echo of what keith said to him a few minutes ago. it’d almost be funny how they’re trading off in the protective role, if the situation weren’t so sickening. as it is, shiro remains somber as he slices through the metal pins holding those wrist bands, freeing keith’s hands. next is the belt around keith’s midsection and then he’s onto the fastenings around keith’s shins.
… he tries to be careful. really he does. but he’s sloppy both in his haste and in the compromise of his system. he brushes too close to keith’s left leg, the heat of his hand leaving a small, but noticeable burn. ]
[ whatever it is that the sentries jabbed into his neck, keith couldn't say. thoughts are impossible to hold onto, each one disappearing into the thick fog swallowing him whole. the stench of burning cloth makes him grimace one moment, only to be wiped clean by a fresh wave of panic from the thrusting appendage being set up between his legs. eyes squeezed shut, keith braces for the inevitable only to faintly remember that bracing is the last thing he ought to be doing if he doesn't want insertion to rip him open.
panic hits harder then, chest heaving with sharp, anxious breaths even before the commotion taking place not to far away. he cracks open one eye, too dizzy to track the movements properly but his head lulls, tongue slurring the word: ]
Shiwo...
[ as metal cleaves through metal, and something heavy crashes onto the stage floor. keith struggles in his binds, at least subconsciously recognizing that he can't leave shiro to fight alone, though his efforts don't get him anywhere. dilated, unfocused eyes follow a blurry figure lit up in purple approaching the rig, but where his eyes fail him, a familiar voice brings clarity to the rising bile in his throat.
i've got you.
keith opens his mouth, slurring heavily once more as he relaxes into the rig. perhaps he shouldn't because shiro was drugged at a point too. for all keith knows, his boyfriend could well decide to take advantage of the setup, but losing himself increasingly to the heat coursing through his veins, keith arches his back and widens the spread of his legs.
....to his detriment as it turns out.
searing heat rips up his calf as keith chokes back a sob and instinctively lifts his newly freed arms to cover the scar on his cheek. ]
Shiro, please...
[ delirious in his pleading, keith grits his teeth, his burned leg shaking uncontrollably within the bind. ]
Don't... don't do this to me again.
Edited 2023-07-12 00:49 (UTC)
i don't even remember what the compliment was at this point... should've capped it
[ the fuzziness doesn’t last much longer than that. in and out, up and down, his system is working through the drug’s effects; adrenaline zeroed the focus and made everything clear, only for it to lapse as he caught his breath, shaky hands releasing keith from his binds. it’s that lapse that gave room for that inattentive slip, but all it takes is that change in keith’s breathing. how can he be such a livewire of vigilance for keith’s wellbeing one second and such a dumbass the next? he hurt him. he actually hurt him.
shiro rips his hand away so fast, almost like he’s the one who's been burnt. he’s not, of course; quite the opposite, actually. his insides go cold instead, brittle and cracking from the immediate wave of guilt. ]
I’m sorry!
[ it hurts to even draw a breath, the vice-like grip of disdain for his own actions taking a physical toll on him. his heart, too. it feels fragile, like one wrong beat will crack it in two. ]
God, I’m sorry, Keith. I didn’t mean to, I…
[ he looks to keith’s face in the midst of those words, his own pained, but not nearly on the same level as keith’s. the rest of his apology catches in his throat and… – he doesn’t understand the depth of what he’s seeing or hearing. keith said again. don’t do this to him again. and there’s his hand on his cheek, touching the scar that’s been burned into his skin. from the war is the extent of what shiro’s ever gotten as an explanation. now though…
two pieces connect in mind and he understands a little differently, his next breath shaky with a fresh wave of anxiety and dread. this isn’t the time for an interrogation, though, especially when keith’s leg is shaking in the bind, body wrought with pain. ]
I’m sorry. [ how many times will he say it? ] I need… [ he grimaces, because that sounds wrong to say now. swallowing, shiro places his left hand on that shaking leg, trying to soothe it as much as still it. ] I need you to keep still. I’ll get you out. I’ll be more careful.
[ the puprle light goes out, but the burn of his leg persists, with only minimal adrenaline to dampen pain perception. weird, right? pinned on his back an energy blade searing his face, keith could barely register anything. everything was so thoroughly fucked up, not just with the paladins and lotor, but between hima dn shiro, too. it'd been like teetering at a chasm at the end of the universe, staring down the loss of everything and everyone he'd ever cared about, all of it reflected in the eyes of the one person he loves more than anything.
whatever drug got pumped into him softens the razor-sharp edges of the memory, but that means total disembodiment. dissociation. keith drifts in and out, caught between something terrifying and the tender way shiro brushes up and down his leg. he didn't cry then, and he is't going to cry now, but the partly stifled noise keith makes is miserable as he tries to do as told. ]
Okay.... okay... it's gonna be okay...
[ murmured, keith loses sight o what that's even supposed to mean, or who it's for. it's gonna be okay hadn't done anything to soothe an enraged clone back then, but... he's not even dealing with that now, right? the muscles in his legs tense with the effort of staying still, teeth grit like that might keep the fire lighting up his leg inside contained as well.
except there's one thing that slips through the cracks. one desperate attempt to know if things really are going to be okay. ]
[ is keith self-soothing? or is he trying to comfort shiro? it’s gonna be okay. is it? is it actually going to be okay? shiro’s naked, keith’s exposed, shiro’s humiliated, keith’s burned – the both of them together are traumatized, neither of who are fully in control of their own minds and bodies. they need to get out of here. they need time and space to regroup. they need –
love you.
it catches shiro off guard. shiro’s been spinning lies to himself for the past week that they weren’t themselves when they said those words. so much so that he almost has himself believing it. this is what happened last time, though. they were heavily influenced with some sort of drug. shiro isn’t nearly as compromised as he was that first time – or even what he was twenty minutes ago – but it happens anyway: his heart double-times on what has to be a flutter and then he’s slipping. slipping past reservations and self-denial, shiro stares down at keith for an extended beat of wonder and then…? he swallows hard to muzzle the guilt and breathes out: ]
Love you, too.
[ the potency of the drug is fading, has been fading, and so, it doesn’t take long for the second guessing to start. thankfully, it isn’t detrimental enough to distract him from his current task. refocusing on that helps in a number of ways, actually, to which shiro frowns and shakes his head, gaze back to keith’s leg. ]
We need to get out of here. Then we’ll talk. [ he reactivates his right hand. ] I’m going to cut it now. Stay still.
[ he is, indeed, very careful this time. as soon as he cuts through the two straps holding keith’s shins, he lets the power drain from his arm. he’s quicker now, in helping keith sit up and get off. he tugs his pants up for him because it’s faster and then – ]
Come on… I…
[ and that’s when he realizes he’s stark naked. or at least, that’s when he realizes he will remain as such, because where are his clothes? they aren’t anywhere on the stage. did the sentries take them? where would they store them? ]
Fuck, I dunno where… [ they need to get out of here, he tells himself again. keith’s safety is far more important and well – ] Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna get you somewhere safe.
[ wasting even more time isn’t an option, especially not to look for clothes. they’ve already lingered too long due to shiro’s blunder; more sentries are certain to come any second now. so shiro scoops keith up without another word, making the executive decision that keith’s burn prevents him from using that leg. logical? perhaps not, but shiro is committed, already jumping off the stage to start running. ]
[ the part of the script that keith is intimately familiar with is the balking that follows the i love you. everything else? not so much. the past informs the present, and a less impaired keith would realize telling shiro about the depth of his affection was never going to end well, clone or not.
but with drugs spinning his thoughts thorugh a blender, keith doesn't think. he waits, breath held tight in his throat, and gets back a simple love you, too that sits in his head, competing with the pain for what limited attention he has. vision still blurry, keith looks vacantly at shiro standing between his legs, unflinching even as that purple flickers back on, and attempts to smile through the mess of words that come after.
i don't know where
heh. it's only funny because keith doesn't know where either. or what he's talking about. but he understands that part about needing to go. shiro has to be safe, too, after all. not that he gets a chance to try and move himself. shiro scoops him up and though his limbs feel like lead weights, keith limply hangs on as shiro starts to run. where are they going? it doesn't matter. they're going wherever shiro thinks they should be.
and even if they never get there? ]
M'never giving up on you.
[ it's murmured sluggishly as shiro pushes through the small crowd that's gathered to take in other people's suffering on stage. the inmates don't attempt to stop them, and once they're outside, the sentries haven't regrouped just yet. it's a clear shot to the house they used to frequent, but throughout the frenzied running, keith isn't paying any mind. the one thought that's gripped his soul is to force more strength into the hand draped on shiro's shoulder.
even after they get through the door and shiro stops running to catch his breath, keith stays focused on that same thought. this is different, after all. shiro loves him back, so there won't be any falling from platforms or gradually widening voids where their friendship used to be. ]
[ the run to their old stomping grounds is uneventful. well, as uneventful as streaking can be. it’s uncomfortable, too. nothing quite like free-balling and struggling to keep focus as too many people focus on him racing by, a barely coherent bundle of preciousness secured in his arms. he tries his best to be as inconspicuous as he can given the circumstances; taking the long way around that has them off the main drag and entering from the back of the house. stupid, really, because they’re both wearing ankle monitors and all it’ll take is a bit of typing for those in charge to locate either one of them for further punishment.
this isn’t necessarily about not being found, though. it’s about buying time to clear their systems and to fortify their defenses, because yeah, when they do come for them, shiro will have an easier time picking them off when they have to come through an entrance shiro has the advantage on.
so up the stairs they go and then shiro’s turning into the master suite, a very familiar bed coming into view. it’s as shabby as ever, with its dusty, mostly ripped drapes at the four corners of those canopy pillars, but at least the mattress is soft, to which he makes use of by laying keith down on it. ]
Whatever they pumped you full of needs time to work itself out of your system. So you stay here and let it do that, okay?
[ of all the times shiro’s been to this house, he’s never rifled through the dressers or the closets. it used to be someone’s residence, though, so there is the possibility that he might find clothing that’ll fit him. slim, perhaps, but he can hope. ]
I’m gonna try to find some pants and then keep watch.
[ standing there beside the bed, he hesitates, and then bends down, gently laying his left palm over the top of keith’s head in what is meant to be a stabilizing, as well as comforting gesture. ]
Everything’s gonna be fine. I’m not giving up on you, either. I’m going to keep you safe, no matter what.
[ as keith is gently lowered into the old bed, he lets go under the assumption that shiro will be climbing in as well. turns out, keith is wholly mistaken about that, though the hand on his sweat-dampened face is enough solace to keep a whine at bay.
...at least until shiro makes the wholly rational point about leaving to go find himself some clothes and dignity. ]
Take my pants. S'too hot in here anyway.
[ fumbling to grab shiro's wrist, keith tugs his hand down his face, until his palm makes a comfortable cradle for his cheek. after an indulgent nuzzle, he wriggles, getting his feet planted on the mattresses to lift his hips up for shiro to strip off the prison-issued orange yoga pants. ]
[ the amount of perspiration keith is producing is worrisome. expected, maybe, because his body is fighting against the drug, but expected doesn’t make it any easier to watch. should shiro add that to his list of duties, too? to retrieve some bottles of water? toward the end of their anonymous days, he used to keep a small stash of electrolyte drinks here, often snagging one or two, depending on the duration and enthusiasm expended. he can’t remember if he cleared it out the last time they were here, dicking around with that thong challenge. he’ll have to check.
… in a minute, apparently. is that a legitimate suggestion?
dubiously, shiro shifts his gaze lower to those prison pants, thinking only of size differences in which keith is clearly more petite. but then keith makes the executive decision of not giving shiro any time to turn him down. that ass lifts and shiro is forced to reconsider his earlier assessment: okay, keith isn’t small everywhere. ]
I’ll find you something to drink in a minute. Don’t liquify into goo just yet.
[ then he moves to grasp keith’s pants, more so for the other boy’s comfort than any small possibility that they’ll fit him. for a moment, he almost forgets. his head is overstuffed with worry – the sweating, the sentries, the state of their relationship and how they’re going to navigate all of this in the aftermath – so he doesn’t have the mental capacity to focus on everything. meaning? he grabs at the hem before he comprehends.
but then he sees it. it’s fucking right there in the ruined char of keith’s pants. he hesitates, feeling sick at the mere sight. but then he pulls himself together and works the pants down, being sure to bunch the material as best he can to minimize the fabric snagging over the burn. eventually, he gets the pants off, but he doesn’t immediately go to force them on; he merely stands beside, holding them in both hands. ]
I’ll try to find something for the burn, too. [ he doubts he can miraculously find pain medicine or a healing salve of some kind. a cool compress is probably the best he can do; how pathetic. ]
[ keith heaves a loud sigh of relief as shiro pulls the ruined yoga pants down his legs., flattening his body against the worn mattress once he's undressed. eyes closed, keith's breathing still comes heavy as the drug runs wild in his system. the throbbing burn on his leg hasn't subsided, but the drug wants him to be relaxed, calm, and a little too sensitive to the minute sensations of the sheets as they rub against his sweaty skin. unthinking, keith widens the split of his legs, looking for relief, and whines when the burn rubs raw as he drags his calf. ]
Nnngh, no Shiro -- don't go.
[ he cracks open his eyes, fumbling with an outstretched arm to hold shiro's wrist. ]
We- we haven't been together like this in a while.
[ scrambled as his thoughts are, the truth underlying it feels unshakeable. they haven't been close in some time, have they? but why? someone else was always there, never allowing them the time to talk privately?
no.
i love you.
but then shiro said it back?
keith frowns, pushing aside the inertia of his thoughts to sit up. ]
[ so what is he meant to do? the sentries will come looking for them; probably already are. truthfully, it's a useless endeavor; they’re in prison, there is no permanent escape plan of getting out of punishment. there are only so many places to hide. his goal here, he thinks, is that he wants to buy time for the drugs to work through keith’s system. with a more coherent keith, perhaps they can negotiate their way into lesser punishments. it’s a long shot, but just about the only thing shiro can think of at the moment.
but keith doesn’t want him to go. he doesn’t want him to put on these pants, check the parameter, and go searching for water and bandages. so he asks himself again: what is he meant to do?
well, there’s one thing he knows he shouldn’t do: entertain this conversation that keith is starting. they need to have it, but not when keith is dazed and only partly aware of what is even happening. and yet – ]
I never should've shut you out.
[ the words come to him anyway and now there are too many building up to stop. ]
I thought… I didn't know how to handle what happened. I was – [ embarrassed, mostly; to be so wanton for something he's never craved before. ] – a coward.
[ the too small yoga pants are set down on the bed and once again, shiro crouches bedside. expression pained and voice guilty, shiro pushes back keith’s sweaty bangs. ]
I've been one for a long time.
[ he continues to be, really. because he’s steering the conversation in a certain way, focusing more on the physical, rather than the i love you and the plead to betray their own realities in order to stay together. ]
It was always going to be you to… fuck me. I wanted to choose the moment, but… well, compromised choice is the norm here. Stupid of me to expect anything different.
[ there's a weird thought right there, shiro is the last person in the universe that keith would have called a coward. his best friend is, after all, the person who always manages to defy the odds, no matter how insurmountable they seem. shiro is the guy who was thrown into a brutal alien gladiator arena, only to escape and become the leader of the team that will dismantle that same empire.
coward. yea, right. hilarious.
but keith can't seem to make his llungs work right to laugh. his breathing stays quick and shallow, eyes closing as shiro puts a cool hand on his forehead. it's difficult to focus, let alone think, but keith tries anyway, brow furrowing with the effort as he pushes the raw memory of burning skin farther away.
after all, here isn't an abandoned galra facility hidden in an asteroid realities away.here is a different kind of alien facility where compromised choice is the norm and -- ]
I should've known better.
[ and isn't that the story of his fucking life? whenever it comes to shiro. not just the shiro from his reality that keith had never realized had been replaced with a clone, but this shiro too. expression falling, keith turns his face away, voice thick with regret. ]
Shoulda known. You're the last person I ever wanna do anything to that you don't want and ) - this place made me take advantage of you anyway. I thought - I really thought you liked it, but it turns out I might've raped you, and I - maybe I really do deserve to be here.
YOU DONT SOUND ENTHUSED, which will only anger the brainlink
[ keith turns his face away and it's in that movement that a certain expectation for approach develops in shiro's head. his hand falls away, he won't force keith's face forward again, won't force him to look at him. he'll endure keith's weighted words and navigate through them with patience and gently provided reassurances. they'll get through this slowly and carefully, as the drugs lose their effectiveness. they'll make time for it. it'll be fine. shiro can do that. shiro can –
– I might've raped you –
it's akin to being slapped. that word. that god awful word. not just that, either, but that word in keith's voice, so guilty, so distressed, so self-loathing…
expectation changes and the plan is rewritten in an instant. the gentleness is gone from his voice, as well as his face. the steadiness of his patience breaks and then words are spilling out, every syllable firm with unquestionable certainty. ]
You did not rape me.
[ he fails in masking his frustration. it isn't wholly directed at keith. per usual, most of it is reserved for himself. he used to be better at this; at controlling his emotions and ensuring others saw only what he deemed acceptable to show. is it the lingering trace of drugs in his system that makes him sloppy? the anxiety fueled adrenaline of their situation? or is it simply because he lacks the restraint when it comes to keith? keith, who is both his strength and his weakness, the balance between the two so precarious that shiro is often fighting within himself, trying to find his own footing.
he shouldn't be surprised. that's what love does to a person.
clenching his jaw tight in the aftermath of spitting out that dirty word, shiro gnashes his teeth until they hurt and then, only then, is he able to bring himself back into check for a conscious calming of his voice. ]
I wanted you. [ not the entire truth, he tells himself. ] I want you still.
[ remember his plan to let keith look away and collect himself, as shiro slowly coaxes him into looking at him again? so much for that. shiro grasps keith by the chin and turns his face toward him, because as much as he wants to say it's for keith, the move is mostly for shiro. shiro needs the connection. he needs to erase those ill thoughts from keith's head and replace them with understanding and truth. as shiro should have done from the beginning. fuck, just… has keith been toiling over this idea of raping him for the entire week…?
remorse thickens his voice again, everything heavy and slow like molasses. not due to hesitation this time, but the weight of his own damnation. ]
You were so good to me, baby. So gentle, so caring… don't you dare think any part of it was… [ unwanted. unreciprocated. rape. ] – that. You'd never do something like that to me. [ his hand moves from his chin to his cheek, keeping keith turned toward him with a curl of his fingers and a caress of his thumb. ] Because you're good. So good to me.
[ here's the waver. just a moment of hesitation. even now, it's difficult for him to be wholly honest with himself, as he distances his own desires from that of responsibility. ultimately, it is responsibility that wins… but it's responsibility to keith, not to voltron and not to his own reality. ]
That's why I love you. I love you so much, baby… I meant it then and I mean it now. That hasn't changed.
[ the forcefulness of shiro's tone makes keith flinch, even as the words themselves ought to be reassuring. the way this messed up rison is run, it's clear that nobody gives a fuck about consent. even their first time when they were two strangers on opposite sides of a library bookshelf had arguably been a form of rape as well, even if they were likely both victims of circumstance. in that sense, their relationship has been steeped in choices that neither would have made if they were clear of mind. hell, perhaps they'd have never gtten together in the first place.
nothing trips keith over his own thoughts like that one does. for all that he hates the way reparacija operates, where would the best relationship of his life be without it? if they could be free tomorrow, but never see each other again, would he really be able to turn his back on this codemned hell hole? is itbad that doesn't have a fucking answer? and what does it say about him that when shiro forces him to hold eye contact that keith crumbles under the knowledge that he doesn't want shiro to leave him behind?
you were so good to me, so caring.... that's why i love you.
heart squeezing painfully tight, keith looks up at shiro with growing despondence. ]
But... but I'm not. I'm not good to you.
[ gingerly, keith wraps his fingers around shiro's wrist, holding on in silent desperation. ]
If I could, I'd keep you with me. Even if it means being stuck in this horrible place.
[ hell, even if it means falling from a platform to oblivion. ]
shhhh everything is fine. we get to have good food today
– but not when he’s on this side of it. self-deprecation and self-sacrifice are habitual things shiro is, unfortunately, well-versed in. of course he realizes that every time he distances himself from keith for one reason or another, it’s frustrating to keith. painful, too, but he’s always thought it to be a pain born from being denied what he wants in the moment. it hurts for another reason, though, huh? it actually hurts to sit here and listen, watch, feel keith closing in on himself with bitter words.
shiro has many regrets, some too traumatic to even begin to put into words, this here, though? this he can verbalize: he’s the one who is not good to keith. keith deserves better than someone who can’t get his thoughts and emotions in check. someone who can be open and honest from the beginning. someone who isn’t perpetually torn between love and obligation. someone who –
fuck, he’s doing it again.
if i could, i’d keep you with me.
as self-serving as it feels, like he’s the one getting the better end of the bargain, shiro banishes the temptation to talk himself down into a black hole of loathing, instead putting all of his focus back where it belongs: on keith. his smile is bittersweet, his expression never progressing further than what can only be deemed apologetic. his touch continues to be steady and sweet however, thumb scooting across his cheek again. ]
We can’t stay here, sweetheart.
[ punishment looms. they may not be able to escape being discovered for their latest acts, but they can’t keep doing this. they can’t settle for compromised autonomy and a small, secluded world. shiro’s drive to explore and experience the unknown may have darkened somewhat from what it used to be, but keith… fuck, shiro can’t stomach the thought of someone as beautiful and vibrant as this boy being locked up forever. keith is meant to soar, not to have his wings clipped so readily.
taking a breath, shiro forces his voice lighter, hope and encouragement coloring his next words. ]
But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep me.
[ another caress of his thumb and then he bows a little closer, voice softening as though sharing a secret. ]
… You promised, remember? I’m counting on you to help me figure this out… because I need you just as much.
[ shiro is certainly not wrong about that. no matter what keith feels, they can't stay here if only because shiro doesn't deserve to spend another day of his life wasting away in an alien prison. there may not be any death matches in a gladiator arena here, but just now they built a stage and shiro was right there, bound up like a sex toy for use by an ogling public. conditions at porn prison have deteriorated steadily, and the last thing keith wants for shiro is to be violated and used for entertainment in yet another fucking institution.
but even knowing all that, it's hard not to be selfish in his reflections of the aftermath. separated from his boyfriend by entire realities, forever haunted by the white-haired version of the shiro in his reality of all the things they could have been but never were.
shiro's hand is a warm constant on his face, and keith blinks slow through the rest of his words. leaving porn prison and keeping shiro has always been at odds with each other, if only because the end goal of escaping here is an inevitable return to their respective realities. or at least, it had always been one and the same because abandoning their realities had been utterly unthinkable.
up until now, that is. shiro comes closer and an impossibly heavy weight comes off keith's soul as the unthinkable is allowed, even briefly, to become thinkable. eyes widening, keith stares up, his grip inadvertently going slack on his boy's wrist. ]
... You really mean that? It's not something messed up in your system again?
ROFL it's so sad... i'm still laughing/crying over the chances of that happening
[ shiro is ashamed to admit that doesn't simply roll off his back. he's still getting tripped up in emotion. frustration, partly, due to bump after obstacle after inability for any of this to be easy. remorse, as always, for leading keith to doubt through his avoidance and subsequent neglect. patience yields focus, yada yada, that does keep him steady to a point, but he has to continually set himself back on track, telling himself, no, don’t wallow, don’t falter. it doesn’t matter if this isn’t smooth or easy; they’ll eventually get to a good place as long as shiro keeps talking.
… supposedly. it’s clear that the drugs are still potent in this boy’s system. is keith even capable of fully comprehending, as well as remembering all of this when he’s no longer compromised?
uncertain, but having no alternative, because he can’t simply stop now, shiro keeps his hand at keith’s face and lifts his other, gently pulling that loosened grip looser. ]
I really mean it.
[ he doesn’t look away from that wide-eyed stare, making sure that the meaning of those words hit their point and sink in. as for keith’s hand, shiro takes those slackened fingers and holds them, resting their combined hands over keith’s sternum. it’s a slight criss crossing of limbs, but shiro likes having all the points of contact, hoping that keith feels as grounded as he does in the moment. ]
[ with the artificial fog still thick in his head, keith smiles up at shiro, simply letting his boyfriend adjust the placement of their hands however he sees fit. for how complicated this all is, keith simply looks docile, easily comforted by the concept of being together.
but words are easy, actions are not. if shiro truly wants them to be together, then this past week of intangible distance shouldn't have happened. the contradiction picks and picks away at the back of keith's skull until doubt dims the warmth of his adoration. ]
But you were mad at me, right? For what I did to you?
[ rape, that is. the sole reason keith avoids using the ugly word again is down to the intensity of shiro's reaction the first time. ]
I... I don't know how to make things right, Shiro.
[ they’re going in circles. it’s not the first time he’s chastised himself for picking now, when keith is so obviously struggling to focus and process, to have this conversation. the timing is horrible… but that’s the usual with shiro, isn’t it? nothing can ever be easy between them and shiro has no one to blame but himself. wincing internally, shiro allows that one beat down on himself before he works himself free of it, slipping just enough in his steadfastness to sigh aloud.
they’ll talk about this again, he knows. once keith is clear-headed. once neither of them are stripped down in a horridly uncertain situation. and once they’re free of the overreaching danger of being discovered and subsequently punished. maybe then it won’t be such a battle for shiro to convince keith that his intentions are genuine. for now, though, he tries his best to settle keith just enough to put a crack in that doubt.
and the quickest way to do that? he leans down and takes a kiss from his mouth, resting solid and resting heavy, to make keith really feel the weight of everything shiro is feeling. no open mouth and no tongue, just a firm meeting of their lips as shiro holds and holds, breaking away after a few, long beats. ]
I’m not mad. [ wait. that’s not entirely true. ] Not at you.
[ better. he sighs again, still keeping all points of contact between them. ]
I’m mad that I’m an idiot when it comes to you.
[ he used to be so much better at this. oddly enough, he was better at managing their relationship when they hardly had one; back in the garrison days, when he was diligently working at gaining this disgruntled kid’s trust. now… sometimes shiro truly believes that everything that’s happened to him has damaged him beyond repair.
or maybe that’s a scapegoat. afterall, his track record for love isn’t stellar. can he honestly say that he was open and honest with adam in all aspects of their relationship, too? that he was always understanding and patient? for how readily available he makes himself to building people up when they need it, does he truly know how to love unconditionally? maybe not, he thinks… but he’s learning. he’s trying. he already loves this boy, he knows it, he feels it. he just… needs to love him better.
god, even in the privacy of his own head, that sounds stupid enough for him to be embarrassed by it. it’s true, though. keith is it for him and one day, shiro is going to make him believe it. ]
I know I haven’t given you enough reason to believe me, but try to, baby. I love you.
[ the press of shiro's lips on his is firm and lingering, and whatever drugs the sentries shot into keith's system make him feel it. no, more than feel it. yearn, in a head-empty, pliant way that makes keith part his lips to accept tongue or whatever else may be fed into his mouth. he barely processes the instinct before shiro pulls away, and keith blinks up slow, with an even slower but determined shake of his head as he fights off whatever is in his head wanting to be a receptacle for use.
shiro loves him -- that's what keith has to focus on. it still doesn't process quite right though, because the difference between the euphoria he'd felt that first time he heard shiro say those words and the misery he feels now may as well be a chasm. perhaps the issue is as simple as not knowing what it's like to truly feel loved by shiro. that first high was spun out of control by potpourri, and this low isn't free of chemical influence either.
expression crumpling, keith takes a deep stabilizing breath and recomposes. ]
And I love you.
[ a beat. ]
But I still did things to you that you didn't want and it made you change. Even if you still love me, it's different, isn't it? This place used me to hurt you and I'm not safe for you to be around.
and that is precisely why they can’t stay here. shiro thinks it, but he doesn’t say it. not again. they keep doing this; rounding back to the same arguments, seemingly arguing for the sake of it because neither of them can be swayed from their positions. once more, shiro wonders if this is how keith has felt every time shiro has talked himself down, too deep in his own self-reprimand that even the kindest words can’t pull him free.
perhaps it’s time for a refresher on that. ]
I'm not safe for you to be around, either.
[ and the most damning part about that? shiro can’t attribute all of it to this place as keith can. remember the simulator? remember half an hour ago? a lot of it has been the fault of this god awful place, that’s true, but shiro’s weapon of choice is very much attached to him. it will always be with him. and when he’s perpetually on a trigger with no certain idea of what will set him off on a panic attack… who’s to say he won’t go blind and deaf to reality again? what if he gets stuck in his head and he attacks keith again? what if, next time, he uses his arm as more than a threat?
and hell, even when he’s trying to help him, he still hurts him.
that is a lot of what ifs. he’s been afraid of what ifs for a long time, so often creating a cage for himself to measure and restrain his own wants and needs in order to maintain some illusion of control. he thought he could live that. he was committed to living like that, but…
keith. keith has been challenging him from the very beginning, coaxing him over and over to reevaluate what he’s deemed acceptable for himself. ]
I changed long before any of this… but you love me in spite of that.
[ again, he swipes his fingers along keith’s face, pushing hair aside and mapping, slowly, the shape of his temple to cheek to jaw. ]
I love you. The only thing about that that has changed is that I am in love with you. And now that I am, it will never change again.
Edited (i completely forgot his burned leg) 2023-12-24 00:36 (UTC)
[ to that, keith falls silent, brow furrowed in contemplation. a while ago, when keith was much younger he would have laughed at the idea that they're mutually destructive for each other. sure, keith was prone to doing things his way, but so was shiro, and either one of them would have dropped everything to help the other. having a support like that should be the antithesis of being bad for each other.
but life isn't so simple. after all, it isn't just in this messed up prison that keith's love of shiro has been warped to some other cruel end. it's back home, too, where keith being too blind to see the truth of what happened to his best friend has hurt him -- hurt them, perhaps irreparably. keith certainly has the scars to show for it.
and now what? because shiro cares -- loves him enough not to abandon him on a bondage rig to be displayed for public use, shiro has to suffer the consequences of destroying the sentries that keith couldn't finish off in the first place?
is love supposed to trap people in cycles of mutual pain and suffering? or is it simply something about keith that drags shiro down -- not just in his home reality, but every reality? the question hurts his head, compounding the dull throb at the base of his skull, and suddenly keith is more tired than he's ever felt in his life.
struggling through the disorientation of the drugs that want him lying flat and spread on the bed, keith slowly sits himself up and settles with his head pressed to the wall. ]
... and I love you. More than I could ever love anyone else in this whole universe.
[ the smile he manages is weak, and holds only for a beat before it falls away for something hollow. ]
But maybe..... maybe that's not such a good thing. If we keep hurting each other... [ he pauses, swallowing hard through the tightness in his throat. ] Maybe we're just not good for each other. I'm tired, Shiro. I'm so tired of messing things up with you. I- I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.
[ shiro miscalculated. that was not the right thing to say. he had a point, one that banked on keith’s trigger to vehemently argue against any slight made against shiro, even ones made by shiro himself. but keith is quiet. keith doesn’t get that hard-nosed, i-will-fight-you-for-being-so-stupid look to his face. neither does he make even the slightest sound of protest. he merely lies there, taking everything in with a patient kind of consideration that isn’t exactly foreign to his best friend, but often far and few between.
fuck.
eventually, keith begins to move. shiro is right there to help with gentle hands, his touch staying even as keith finds support against the wall. the pressure of his hands becomes even softer, sweeter when keith reaffirms what shiro already knows and already treasures. i love you. thumbs brush for a stroke and then backtrack for a caress, that small, semi-weak smile drawing a sunnier one from shiro himself, like he’s trying to encourage keith into gifting him a wider one.
maybe we’re just not good for each other.
the smile turns static and brittle, souring right off of his face as shock has lips parting and eyes widening. the caresses stop, too. abruptly, he lets go, hands hovering over their placements for an extended beat before shiro pulls them back toward himself. confusion takes over quickly, his expression turned lost and uncertain, brow furrowed so harshly that he develops deep lines.
what? that’s the one resounding thought that dominates his brain, everything in him searching for an answer, only to come up completely empty. how did it come to this so quickly? he can’t say the concept of them being better off not romantically involved is entirely out of left field, but from keith it is. keith is the one who fights so hard to keep them together, not just here, but back in their own realities. keith is the one who doesn’t know how to give up on them. keith is the one who is supposed to chase after shiro, not walk away from him.
fuck, that last one is a bit cruel, isn’t it? maybe shiro really is bad for keith if he can formulate such a selfish expectation. relationships are meant to be balanced. equal. can shiro honestly say he’s shown keith as much love, respect, and consideration that keith has shown him time and time again? ]
No. [ he can’t. but also, no, he isn’t going to let that be the summation of their relationship. shiro can change; he has changed. the time of walking away has long passed. they’re in too deep. shiro is in too deep. ] You are not giving up on us.
[ reaching across, he takes keith’s hands in his, squeezing with meaning. ]
We overcome everything thrown at us, because we're stronger together. I don't want… [ a slight pause, his expression hardening with determination. ] I refuse to give up on what we have. Life is made better by you being in it, by being able to love you, so please… [ he squeezes again, giving his captured hands a little shake. ] … don’t let this defeat us.
[ brute forcing himself upright into a seated position exhausts most of the strength in keith's limbs, leaving him to ragdoll slightly against the headboard and wall. he can't quite grip shiro's hands back, nor can he keep his arms still through the gentle shaking, but oddly enough his head feels a little clearer for the jostling.
maybe it has nothing to do with anything physical. it takes so little of shiro's distress for keith to be moved into action, even if he has no idea what the hell action he ought to take.]
I don't like this either, Shiro. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd become a paladin and help people across the universe live free. I never thought I'd get to meet my mom or - or meet so many other incredible people. But even with all that, you're the most important thing that's ever happened to me and I think no matter what happens, I'll always be yours.
[ keith huffs, managing yet another small smile as he gives their clasped hands a long look. ]
And the fact that I got to call you mine, even for a little while, feels like the most amazing thing I've ever done. Crazy, huh? Flying in a sentient lion at faster-than-light speed doesn't even come close to making me feel as good as getting to hold your hand or seeing your smile when I call you babe.
[ with his voice threatening to crack, krith closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. willing himself to stay level, he squeezes shiro's hands and keeps his voice soft and low. ]
...but deep down, I think you know I'm not good for you. I can't think straight when it comes to you, and it always leads to hurting you, even though that's the last thing I fucking want. That's why you kept your distance, right? To protect yourself? So just... keep doing it. I can't run. I can't fight. But you can. There's no reason that you should get caught and punished by the warden. Let me just take the fall.
it's been three years of hating that word. i continue to hate it.
[ push, pull, shiro wants to interrupt keith as much as he doesn’t. keith volunteers his vulnerabilities far more than shiro ever does, but it’s still such a precious privilege to be given a glimpse into the inner workings of keith’s mind, no, into his soul, that shiro has an automatic reaction to shut up and listen. the problem here, though, is that he hears the thing keith hasn’t said yet. but. there is going to be a but in the conclusion of this outpouring of affirmation and love, and shiro doesn’t want to reach that point.
but they do, because shiro can’t bring himself to shush keith. he’s a glutton for things like you’re the most important thing that’s ever happened to me and i’ll always be yours and i got to call you mine. got to? get to. the warning bells grow a little louder in the wake of that, but he still can’t stop him, simply sitting there as he waits for the other shoe to drop.
and it does.
funnily enough, keith has it wrong. i think you know i’m no good for you.funnily enough, shiro is one of the few who has never thought that. he’s been warned many times, though. the facility of a junior high years ago when he showed interest. the disciplinary office personnel when he vouched yet again. a certain commander of galaxy garrison when he started toeing the line of mentorship. a cadet speaking far too candidly when shiro began to fail at curbing his favoritism. a neglected fiancé when he returned from yet another hoverbike outing. even a few paladins have grumbled in the aftermath of a disagreement. but shiro? no. never. shiro has never been able to be convinced away from keith by anyone and he isn’t about to start listening about his apparent blindspot, even when the warnings come from keith directly.
it may have worked in the beginning of their captivity, when shiro was looking for support and reason to keep distance. see, he tried to stay away here at prison, not due to believing keith to be no good for him, but because he’s too good. too precious. too essential to shiro’s stability and happiness as a whole, that he’s been afraid to damage any part of their friendship.
but they’re beyond that now. if anything, parting now, under these circumstances, would ensure what shiro has tried to avoid: the destruction of their friendship.
that’s why you kept your distance, right? to protect yourself?
he’s begun shaking his head, slowly at first with a disbelief that keeps him unblinking and staring.
i can’t run. i can’t fight.
the shaking picks up.
let me just take the fall.
this absolute imbecile. shock stills his tongue, but horror shakes him loose, right onto a spike in exasperation that leaves him frustrated and panicked, two emotions that loosen his tongue. he’s one breath away from calling this idiot boy exactly that, but as impeccable timing goes, it’s at that precise moment that there’s a crash downstairs, followed by the unmistakable clatter of mechanical parts lugging around. it seems their time has run out. ]
Fuck. [ he squeezes hard at keith’s hands, momentarily defeated by their inevitable discovery and so, helplessly trying to siphon off as much strength as he can off of their connection. he composes himself as best he can and then shakes his head, drawing a breath before pulling his hands from keith’s to cup his face, encouraging him to look at him. ]
I am not abandoning you. [ it’s said firmly, nothing in his tone allowing for an argument. ] It’s you and me ‘til the end.
[ and then he steals a kiss. one, two, and suddenly, there’s a flash of light in the room. adrenaline has him ripping away from keith and standing up, turned and already poised for a fight when his gaze lands on – ]
Holy shit, am I glad to see you.
[ the space wolf is standing there, eyes swiveling from shiro to keith, and once there, they don’t stray again as the animal immediately clamors closer, nearly knocking shiro out of the way as he hops up on the bed. keith has told him time and time again that the space wolf is an intelligent being. admittedly, shiro has witnessed the intelligence himself, but here is the first time that he really sees how meticulous and understanding the animal is as he carefully moves around keith, sniffing and looking him over, as if cataloguing everything that is different about his friend. ]
He’s been drugged. We need to get him out of here. [ that doesn’t make the space wolf move any faster, not when those yellowed eyes are now on the burn of keith’s leg. shiro grimaces and then shrinks under the gaze that snaps up, settling on him. ] I know, I’m sorry… but please, you can take him somewhere safe.
[ in another time, another place, keith might've smiled at that affirmation. it’s you and me ‘til the end is awfully close to 'til death do us part. sealed with a kiss, it's almost like a wedding vow, but with the clamoring downstairs, it feels a lot more like the end of the line.
it isn't, of course, because reparacija by nature stands to benefit more from repeated violations of their bodies than it does their deaths, but the prospect of being strung up on that stage pumped full of mind-melting aphrodisiac to drown out the outrage of their abuse isn't much of a consolation.
shiro could still escape that imminent punishment perhaps he can't avoid the indignity of porn prison indefinitely, considering the way misconducts are issued, but at least he wouldn't have to suffer more than he already has for this one day.
before keith can articulate any of that, there's a familiar flash of light and a space wolf sidling up close to come look him over. despite the horrid state keith is in, it's impossible not to smile when his wolf friend sniffs at his face. keith has always been amazed by how smart and expressive the space wolf is, making his displeasure with the angry burn perfectly known. shiro's apology earns a disapproving whuffle, which keith tries to ease away with a gentle rub at his neck.]
It's okay, buddy. It was just an accident. We have to get away from here.
[ the wolf shifts his gaze to keith, head tilted skeptically as if trying to work out what possible chain of events led up toshiro missing his pants, a burn on keith's leg and a stampede of sentries donstairs, but quickly lets out a second discontented whuffle.
edging forward, the space wolf gets his teeth on shiro's metal arm while keeping a paw on keith's foot. before anyone gets to complain about it, the worn down bedroom disappears in a flash of light, and the trio reappear at the northeastern section of the prison where the prison yard meets the barrier. ]
Woah...
[ freshly dsoriented, keith blinks then shakily gets to his knees. the wolf meanwhile has yet to release shiro's metal hand and tugs very insistently to direct his attention towards a sizable crawlspace in the barrier through which the world beyond the prison walls can be seen. far from anything idlyllic, their first glimpse at freedom on this planet looks like an abandoned, torn up parkin lot.
following the wolf's direction, keith hunkers down, gasps then nervously looks up to shiro. ]
Could be dangerous out there, Shiro....
[ the little reconnaissance they've been able to do with the space wolf's assistance hadn't exactly pointed to anything habitable, but who knows what this planet could be beyond the immediate prison perimeter? at the very least, between them they really ought to havea. full set of clothes and shoes. ]
[ as critical as shiro has been about the space wolf since, well, since he showed up all those months ago to teleport them straight into a bathhouse disaster, shiro has to admit that there are definitely benefits to having a pet – friend, shiro immediately corrects, because he knows keith would – who can manipulate travel and space. here it’s an absolutely clutch move. sharp, pointed teeth clamp down on his – thankfully – metal hand and then poof, the room is no more. shiro has participated in a number of these magical jumps, but not regularly enough that he’s fully acclimated to the sudden shift. it’s disorientating, especially when he’s still coming down from the high of… whatever the fuck they pumped into his system. the only reason he doesn’t falter to the fresh air, sunshine, and very public space, is because he’s intimately aware that keith is drugged up, too. more so. if shiro feels dizzy, then what about keith…?
woah.
shiro looks to keith, heart lurching and feet already stumbling to cross the little distance… but then he’s being tugged by the hand and – what? shiro sends an exasperated look at the space wolf and then beyond him when he’s rebuffed with another tug.
there’s an opening. more specifically, there’s an opening in the fence that they can fit through.
freedom. this is what they’ve wanted for so long, that now that it’s right there, shiro is, oddly, struck with a temporary sense of paralysis. could be dangerous? yeah. they used to know what they were in for. as unpredictable as the prison could be, there was some semblance of order that made life manageable. now though… it’s deteriorated into something else. so – dangerous out there? ]
Probably is, but we’ve got a better chance out there than we do in here.
[ he moves to make a gesture with his hands, only to find that, right, he’s still a chew toy. he tugs experimentally. dude, let go…? shiro frowns at the space wolf, even as he compliments: ]
The wolf and I are tough, though, right boy? [ another tug and this time, the space wolf lets go after a mouth full of woof. shiro extends and curls his metal fingers, ensuring that, no, pointy space wolf teeth did not tweak any panels or gears. he steps closer then, dropping into a crouch beside keith. ] We’ll handle everything until you get your bearings back.
[ a pause, expression tightening with concern and a tentativeness that seeps into his voice. ]
Though… I need you to do one thing for me first. [ command the space wolf to zap to his cube and gather together two full outfits for them both? who knows how much time they actually have. minutes? seconds? the sooner they’re out, the safer they’ll be. probably better they aren’t running around in prison garb anyway. ] Think you can crawl through on your own?
[ because it’s rather narrow, even for one person. through the fence and to an abysmal slab of asphalt; the building that borders it is similarly empty, at least it appears so from this angle. all is quiet, and shiro wishes to say that it's comforting to think that no one will be privy to them shimmying through a break in the parameter, but it’s almost as alarming to believe that it can be that easy. ]
[ there isn't much time. as messed up as keith's head is, it's clear that they can't sit around debating the relative merits and dangers of staying or leaving. any moment now, the sentries responsible for the perimeter checks will be doing their rounds, and then they go right back trying to find a place to hide with no long-term hope of actually dodging whatever misconducts are issued.
it's just... so sudden and seemingly so easy.
frowning, keith glances through the hole in the barrier to look at the uninviting, abandoned landscape beyond the prison walls. perhaps it won't be so easy once they're out there without any supplies and without a full set of clothes between them, but as his gaze shifts back to shiro, keith finds himself nodding.
if shiro wants to do this, then keith isn't about to be the one to stop him. after all, shiro's been in this place before, hasn't he? escaping from alien imprisonment with an uncertain future lying in wait had to have been terrifying, but shiro doesn't seem nervous here at all. his best friend has always been brave in the face of the unknown,, huh... ]
Yeah. Just wish we had some supplies.
[ hurriedly quashing a surge in feeling, keith tips forward onto his hands and knees and starts to crawl through the narrow space. no questions asked, no more doubts raised -- just unshakily forward. the crawlspace itself is narrow, but isn't more than a foot long. pushing through the deadweight of his limbs, keith crawls through as fast as he can, emerging on the other side of the opaque barrier with a disoriented blink as he dusts off his hands and knees. the asphalt beneath his feet is in dire need of maintenance, and so is the nearest structure in the distance. keith stares, the eerie unnatural silence of the world thick in his ears, then quickly shuffles to the side to make room for shiro and the wolf.
keith doesn't dare say a word, like breaking the silence might cause something out there to stir, but with his heart hammering away in his chest, he remains tense and unable to relax until both shiro and the wolf make it through. ]
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon..
[ he mouths the words silently as two ticks pass by with no sign of either shiro or the wolf. the opacity of the barrier works against him here, with panic threatening to overtake until shiro squeezes his way through the tight fit. keith finally exhales, hurriedly reaching to take shiro's hand, but then: ]
...where's the wolf?
[ but perhaps he needn't have worried. another moment and the wolf pushes a satchel stuffed with instant noodles and a hodgepodge of clothes through and emerges on the other side. the wolf gives himself a vigorous shake and trots over to keith's side for a nuzzle.
they're far from being free. reparacija is a foot away, after all. but standing on the other side of the barrier for the first time with shiro and the wolf is almost overwhelming anyway. keith looks from one to the other, disbelief written on his face before he simply says: ]
[ yes. about that. supplies would indeed be nice. food, water canisters, a medical kit, clothes, blankets, lube – there are a number of things that shiro would have packed tightly into a backpack if he’d awoken this morning with any indication that today would be the day they slipped free. as it is, shiro is tragically unprepared, to the point that it is grimly amusing in its utter ludicrousness. he has nothing at his disposal. he doesn’t even have clothes. completely bare and completely exposed, the only usefulness he brings to this escape is the strength of his body. knowing that, shiro is quick to prove that by following hot on keith’s heels. through the fence and to the other side, shiro tries to keep a level-head – because that is also something he can provide if he focuses – but no, he’s failing on that front, too. he should be keeping surveillance. immediately, he should be taking stock of their surroundings more than a too quick glance around.
see, shiro’s distraction is that keith is on his feet. shiro, who is perpetually on edge when it comes to keith’s wellbeing, finds himself watching his boyfriend instead. he’s fine. he’s stable. he isn’t swaying or tumbling over. shiro doesn’t need to be tense, ready to spring into action for a catch. still, let it be known that he has yet to let go of keith’s hand.
where’s the wolf?
the what – oh. shiro glances to the torn fence, opening his mouth for a defaulted he’s coming, don’t worry that he hopes is actually true, only to snap his lps together over a click of his teeth when a blue hairball squeezes through. it is at that moment that shiro releases keith’s hand, partly due to the space wolf crowding keith and, in no uncertain terms, making it known that this is his human to look after, mr.-leg-burner. the other partly has to do with the satchel of goodies. food and clothes, that’s two things off the list, the latter especially welcome as shiro digs through to pull on pants, boots and the first shirt he happens to grab.
which, as luck would have it, is actually keith’s. it stretches, but it’s definitely a fitted tank now.
wow.
no, keith is not talking about shiro. shiro slings the satchel’s strap over his head and around an arm, securing it to rest across his body. a chunk of broken asphalt crunches under his boot with his first step and those blue ears flick toward him, furry face turning toward him in the next beat. shiro musters a smile and it must be adequate enough, because he’s allowed to sidle in close to their favorite boy. he touches keith’s shoulder with tempered gentleness, the rush needed for the seriousness of their situation momentarily absent. ]
I’ll give you a better sightseeing tour. [ he quirks a smile and then crouches down, indicating for keith to drape over his back. ] Climb aboard.
[ and after being especially careful in the placement of keith’s burn as he lifts his precious cargo, they’re off. the space wolf trots ahead, playing leader. shiro doesn’t mind at all. he imagines a celestial being like the wolf has more finely tuned senses that he can't even begin to understand, meaning it’s likely safer to trust those instincts and faculties than it is for shiro to pick a direction and hope for the best. across cracked streets, through abandoned neighborhoods and further still, to bypass buildings that are as eerily quiet as everything else has been, the trio walk and walk and walk.
shiro loses track of time. the more distance they cover, the better, so he voices no complaints, even as his lower back aches and his arms strain. keith says something about putting him down at one point, that he’s fine and he can walk on his own, but shiro counters that having keith wrapped around him is the highest form of motivation to keep moving. the protests are quiet after that.
they’re losing light by the time they find a place. they’ve been off the road for a good while now, but until recently, they’d been parallel to it. now, they’re something close to a mile perpendicular to it. the space wolf has, periodically been zapping here and there, seemingly scouting ahead to adjust their trajectory and so, he must’ve found this shack during one of those jumps. it isn’t great, but it’s better than huddling together tonight, out in the open.
the door takes some shouldering – after setting keith down – and then they’re inside, promptly taking over what shiro hopes is an abandoned would-be shelter. time lapses with chores after that: taking inventory of both the room and the satchel, mostly, though shiro does leave for a short while, to check the perimeter and familiarize himself with an exit strategy if the worst happens. he comes back to keith and the space wolf settled in, the stove unlit due to an agreement that it’d be safer to keep a low profile. which means they’ll be getting cozy tonight.
usually, the thought would have him smiling, but after the turmoil of their last intimacy, hesitance plagues his confidence. ]
Looks good out there. [ he pulls the door shut, the desk lamp providing enough light that keith is bathed in a soft glow. ] We should keep moving tomorrow and put more distance between us and the prison, but I think we’ll be okay here for a few hours of shut eye. [ and even though he asked earlier, he asks again: ] How are you feeling?
[ if there's one thing keith loathes, it's being dead weight. neither shiro nor the wolf will admit to seeing it that way, but he wishes more than ever tat he could contribute more meaningfully to their escape and safety than by merely hanging onto shiro's back.
not that thinking this way accelerates the elimination of unknown drugs from his system, but there's something profound about the idea that this could be the last time they're ever hurt or abused in this way. from here on out, their lives could be fully back in their hands. no more random aphrodisiacs, no more flying rocket dildos, just ... a whole lot of silence in a desolate world.
but it's their world for now, and the future is at least something they can navigate together as a team. it's kind of breathtaking and exhausting to stare at all the fucked up things that were routinely part of their lives that are potentially part of a closed chapter. his head gets lost in thoughts like that while his body gently rocks in time with shiro's movements. hell, he might've even drifted off at some pointt, only to blink back into wakefulness a few ticks later.
keeping track of anything important is difficult while there's still fog in his head, but keith trie sanyway up to the point where the wolf and shiro decide to take shelter in a shack.mercifully, walking is a little easier when he's placed back down on his feet, and by the time they've figured out what resources they have available and shiro goes for his perimeter check, keith settles on the edge of the bed and opens up a prison branded "cock in a sock" sausage snack for the wolf to eat. again, the fact that this had all been entirely normal feels entirel unreal.
his brow stays furrwed by the time shiro returns, though he looks up with a half smile. ]
I feel...
[ good. the answer is good. nice and simple, then they can just ove on without getting embroiled in an emotional minefield, right? giving the wolf a final pet around the ears, keith drops the sausage to the floor and heaves a deeper breath. ]
...I feel like I should be asking you that question. You were carrying me for a while. You gotta be pretty sore, right? Let me at least rub your back and shoulders.
[ it appears that someone is utilizing a well-used tactic from shiro’s playbook: diversion. that isn’t an answer, keith. shiro knows where this is going even before keith has uttered carrying me. he’s ready. he’s poised. he’s already rocking his head left and right in a slow moving signal of no, he is not sore, and as such, does not need a –
wait. back it up. say that again.
the shaking comes to an abrupt stop, his head slightly off-center so that he isn’t facing keith directly. a hard blink, as if recalibrating, and then he jerks his head back to the midline, eyes a little wider, a little fuller, a little spark of hope making them brighter. ]
Oh.
[ there’s a swift, mental kick to reset his slow as molasse brain. ]
Yeah. [ quicker now. ] Excruciatingly sore. [ and uplifted, too. hope makes him sound more present in the moment. happier. his confidence is yet to fully recover, but the next steps he take aren’t as tentative as before. there’s a surety to the way he walks to the bed and sits down a small space away, smile close to teasing. ] You might have to work on me for awhile.
[ it's impossible not to smile at the way shiro catches himself mid-headshake and does an exaggerated one-eighty. or at least, keith thinks so. the wolf looks up mid-chew to tilt his head in the universal gesture for bruh before returning to finish his well-deserved snack. eyes on shiro, keith doesn't notice that his wolf doesn't think that's charming though. instead, he's busy smiling a little shyly, almost as if it's too early in their journey as fugitives to be smiling too broadly ]
That's okay. I don't mind.
[ with how long shiro had been carrying him, keith wouldn't have complained about paying him back with a lengthy massage anyway. so with shiro seated on the edge of the bed, keith crawls up on top of the sheets and takes his spot kneeling behind shiro's back.
keith gets one hand on shiro's shoulder, then the other, and heaves a deep breath as he squeezes, slowly working his way close to the midline where he carefully presses his thumbs into the tight spaces between vertebrae. it's no surprise that working out the little knots in shiro's muscles is oddly relaxing -- touching shiro has been soothing for as long as keith can remember, even before things between them became far more sexual in nature.
but that's part of what's confusing, too. porn prison has normalized a lot of messed up things, but it's also what led to them sleeping together n the first place. now that they don't have sentence sheets looming over their heads,what does that mean for the two of them now? can they even be a couple, much less a normal couple? how many other couples have dealt with aphrodisiac-fueled rape, anyway.....
smile fading fast, keith is at least comforted by the fact that shiro can't see his face, but even that's barely any consolation. shiro has made it plain that he doesn't want keith thinking of the last time they had sex in those terms, but the forgiveness still feels deeply unearned.
but despite being arguably unworthy, keith takes a deep breath, the slides his hands under shiro's arms to embrace him tightly from behind. eyes closed, keith presses his forehead to the nape of shiro's neck and murmurs quietly: ]
...I know bigger things are going on right now, so I'm sorry -- I just need to know. Now that we don't have sentence sheets or anything... are we.... done with all of that?
[ there might have been a class on this. something something, massages are sensual and calming, the prolonged touch a great foundation for future intimacy. that’s the theory anyway. shiro received a massage from another inmate way back when and it, thankfully, didn’t lead to anything else, but here, he finds himself thinking… hoping…? it’s keith’s fault. his boy has great hands and even greater instincts. shiro doesn’t want to fuck per say, or even do anything sexual right now, but he does want to close his eyes and sink into the intoxicating feeling of fingers and thumbs digging in at just the right angle and just the right pressure…
it isn’t just the hours of carrying keith on his back. shiro has knots upon knots from the routine taxation of his body, both from simply working out and from carrying a metal weight on his right. the prosthetic is heavy. it requires upper body strength, as well as a strong core, to keep the weight from continually pitching him to the right. stress is, of course, another factor that keeps him tense, too. so there is no shortage of sore muscle for keith to find with those lovely, glove enhanced hands of his.
it’s such a shame that it ends so soon.
arms slip around and in, wrapping at his torso. a squeeze brings keith’s closer and they’re there again: keith draped against his back. well, perhaps less draping and more hugging. shiro opens his eyes and looks down at the grasping of keith’s hands, soon bringing his left up to cover one of keith’s. his thumb picks up an almost automatic caress, back and forth, back and forth skimming knuckle as he watches for one beat, two, and then carefully turns his head. he doesn’t want to dislodge keith in any way, so he doesn’t crane as much as he can. just enough to manage a slight peek from the corner of his eyes.
he has a good idea of what keith is trying to say. sex. are they done with sex? but he can’t be entirely sure. maybe keith means a more specified abundance of kink. shiro also can’t be sure this doesn’t have to do with their conversation before the sentries showed up. so – ask, he tells himself. ]
[ nothing about the request for clarification is surprising. keith had been vague after all, but with intention. shiro could have filled in the blanks himself, giving him the full authority to define the parameters of their relationship now that no part of it is necessitated by prison. in hindsight, keith isn't sure if that vagueness had been respectful on his part or cowardly, but given teh state of things, he doesn't think he has the right to presume much of anything.
taking a steadying breath, keith allows himself to be soothed by the warmth of shiro's body before responding with: ]
... yeah.
[ pathetic, huh? trying to be a little less useless in conversation, keith lets out a second breath and continues. ]
Or anything else? Prison started a lot of things between us, and now that none of it needs to happen anymore, I guess I just wanna know what you're choosing to do with that. [ a beat. ] ... With us.
[ … or anything else? ah. it isn’t just a question of intimacy. it’s a question about their relationship. forget sex, should they kiss, hug, be together? there’s a moment, when the incredulousness gives and realization settles to the point of insult, that requires shiro to take pause. he’s trying hard not to take offense to keith’s insecurity. given the past week and their last round of intimacy, keith has reason to doubt the continuation of their relationship. shiro knows that and yet, shiro can’t completely tune out the memory of every reassurance he’s given today. keith was drugged, he’s just as quick to remind himself, and slowly, carefully, talks himself further away from his exhaustion twinged exasperation. ]
Keith…
[ he gives up on trying to look at the boy huddled behind him, so clearly determined to conduct this conversation not face to face. so shiro’s option is to look forward and take a breath. moment spent, he then huffs, dropping his head back to knock it against keith, who is still very much hiding in his nape. ]
You bonehead.
[ it’s a different tactic. a different approach. keith barely listened to him when he was sweet voiced and gentle; that isn’t to say he’s harsher here. just… flippant with a tease, the trace of a smile apparent in his voice as he fondly chastises. ]
Breaking outta prison doesn’t mean we’re breaking up, too. [ the caressing comes to a pause, his hand stilling to blanket keith’s instead. he squeezes there and then reaches high and back with his right, metal finding keith to cup the side of his head. ]
I told you I love you. [ and that he wanted keith to figure out a way for them to be together; to stay together, remember? ] I’d like to keep dating you… but only if that’s what you want as well.
[ bonehead? seriously? here keith is trying to make sure that shiro definitely wants to be making these choices, and shiro's reaction is to tease like keith is being absolutely ridiculous?
perhaps after everything that's been said, it's arguably overkill in keit's part to stop, check, and re-check, but it's only because shiro matters. is that so wrong? he huffs his indignation loudly, pouting intensely at shiro's nape, but keeps a more snappy retort to himself when shiro pretzels and gets a hand in his hair. ]
Of course, I want to date you.
[ grumbled and somewhat indignant, keith fails to keep the pout out of his voice. ]
It's just -- listen. I've never had a boyfriend before you. I've never wanted one before you. And I don't know what normal dating is like either, but I assume sentence sheets and porn prison drugs forcing unwanted sex don't usually factor into the typical boyfriend deal.So just -- stop laughing at me and help me work this out.
[ that pout is, indeed, very apparent in keith’s voice however, so shiro doesn’t quite nail the apology. maybe it’s the high of freedom or maybe it’s a consequence of having keith pressed against him, pouty little snuffles tickling the bareness of his nape. whatever the reason, shiro feels light, like the brunt of their worries are behind them for the time being and that they, for once, can breathe easy. so he’s basking in it, soaking it up as he squeezes keith’s hand and tugs, gently at his hair, holding position a moment longer before releasing at his right and lifting his head off of keith’s.
he shakes his head then, keeping his gaze forward and not once looking back. ]
You talk about prison as a detriment to our relationship. [ shiro did too. in the beginning, he had been starkly against sharing sentence sheets, fully convinced that overstepping the solid lines of their friendship would ultimately damage it. ] And trust me, I get it. There is so much to unpack that I don’t even know where to start. [ a huffed breath, grimly amused. ] I’m still trying to make peace with my first prison sentence.
[ … okay, that joke falls flat. he clears his throat, not pausing long enough to let that fester into something else. ]
The point I’m trying to make is that… no, that wasn’t normal dating.
[ entirely unconventional from every angle. sometimes, shiro wonders what it would have been like to realize his affections back in his universe. would it have been better to develop feelings in the midst of a war? with a different keith? there is no clear answer to that. and maybe there doesn’t need to be, because maybe he shouldn’t be comparing any of this to what-ifs and maybes. that’s what he did with the loss of his virginity this past week and look where that got them. their relationship developed the way it did and there’s nothing he can confidently say he’d like to be different about that, because… because… ]
But we came together and grew closer despite everything working to ruin us. That’s why I laugh… because it feels so obvious now. I don’t doubt as I once did… I’m pretty dead set on you, Keith.
[ how the hell does shiro just casually bring up his time as a galra prisoner, make an alarming joke out of it then expect keith to simply roll with the punches without flinching or grimacing? true, this isn't the first time shiro has done something like that, but every time leaves keith mentally reeling. it's doubtful that the intention is to invalidate what keith is struggling with, but it's more or less the result.
in essence, keith goes quiet, feeling neither fully reassured nor like arguing. what is there to further say? shiro is apparently dead-set which leaves keith as the only one with questions by default. truthfully, that feeling is unsettling in it own right because it's impossible to explain what his doubt is centered around when shiro repeatedly refutes its premise.
shiro knows what he wants. so why isn't that good enough? ]
.... I guess it's just me then.
[ his voice is quiet, followed by a soft wispy huff that could almost be a laugh. ]
Just me holding onto something you're not even mad at me for.
[ another almost laughs, then keith frowns and loosens his arms. ]
It only gets weirder the longer I think about it. The first time we fucked for real and I had no idea who was taking my virginity, I considered taking some aphro beforehand -- y'know, just to take the nerves away. So it's not even like I think doing that with someone has to be something meaningful? So I'm just being a hypocrite.
[ fuck, that doesn’t sound right at all. it’s just me then. it truly is a depressing thought to realize that he is completely out of depth with keith. when did he become so shit at this? didn’t he used to be able to nip insecurity in the bud and stop the hemorrhaging of self-loathing and misery? earnest reassurances didn’t work. deliberately light teasing didn’t work. raw vulnerability and spilling the contents of his heart didn’t work. is there a way to set this right? or is it so far beyond salvaging that shiro can do little more than spinning his tires?
keith’s breath plays against his skin and for a moment, shiro’s mind goes blank, hairs rising on the verge of a shiver –
just me holding onto something you’re not even mad at me for.
– and then he forgets how to breathe. not from anticipation, not from pleasure; that tantalizing tease of whispered breath is bulldozed over by a sickening drop in the pit of his stomach. oh. oh. it truly is about that. are they ever going to get past that?
shiro doesn’t fight keith as he loosens his arms. he should, maybe, but he’s careful with keith to the point of defeat, left hand lifting off of keith’s so he can take it back if he wishes to. with both hands now empty, shiro places them on his thighs and grimaces through that agitated, lost feeling as he listens, processes, and listens some more. it’s all a bit jumbled. he’s trying to follow the links between keith’s points, only to conclude that the underlying message here is: first times and meaningful connections.
at least, he isn’t throwing around rape again. the inner confines of shiro’s chest curdles at the very memory.
and so, it takes him a moment. then two, three, closer to ten. he wets his lips and thinks, hoping for a solution, but not entirely confident that he knows how to find one anymore. in the end, he keeps his back to keith and looks to his lap, fingers pressing into the firmness of his quads. ]
You know… we had a do over of our first time together.
[ he turns his head just slightly, still not looking over his shoulder, but speaking more directly to keith. ]
I don’t see why we can’t have another one.
[ to make it more meaningful? to make keith less punishing to himself? would that help? ]
[ keith does, in fact, pull his arms free but only to put his hands back on shiro's shoulders. the conversation isn't an easy one to have, and a need to move and fidget makes going back to the massage he was originally supposed to give easier than sitting still.
he squeezes broad shoulders, staying quiet as he mulls over the suggestion of a do-over. the simplicity of it is almost funny, but more than that it pulls at all kinds of heartstrings. life doesn't present second chances often, but shiro -- shiro has always given him so many.
at least, up to a point. it remains to be seen what exactly will come of the distance that's crept into the friendship he had with the shiro from his own reality. maybe it won't even come to be seen. the reality keith has known feels like a lifetime ago, and it doesn't look like keith is due to find a way back to it any time soon the question of whether he even wants to at this point is a separate matter entirely, and not one that he's ready to beat himself down over.
in a lot of ways, the relationship he's built up with this shiro feels like a do-over... though, keith frowns and dismisses the thought. the more he equates this shiro with the one from his world, the mor run down his soul feels. blinking back to the present. he puts both his hands over shoulder blades and manages a faintly amused tone. ]
You would say that, huh...
[ a beat, then swallowing through a tightness in his throat, keith mrmurs: ]
....is that something you really want? It's not just to humor me?
[ shiro still can’t read him. is it a bad thing that shiro is suggesting a do over? is that adding insult to injury? keith sounds amused, if only faintly, so shiro wants to believe he hasn’t set them up for failure, but hope can only deceive fear for so long, his confidence, once again, waning. so the massage hasn’t been accomplishing much of anything. if anything, shiro feels more tense than he did when he first sat down. keith with his hands at his shoulder blades and shiro with his hands at his own thighs, together they wait it out, both seemingly holding their breaths over what this moment is meant to become.
it’s not just to humor me?
it’s not the ideal reaction, but – it’s okay. it’s workable. what is not, however, is that he’s played by keith’s rules too long. this feels like an opening and one that shiro is quick to take as he finally gives up on allowing keith all that space. he twists around, careful and slow, knee knocking to the edge of the bed as he half-turns in his seat. ]
No. [ there he is, looking a little small and looking a lot miserable. shiro’s heart gives a pained lurch in his chest, eyes soft under a furrowed brow. ] I’m not humoring you.
[ this bed is atrocious. it’s narrow and flimsy, the springs creaking with too much weight. so there’s a bit of a racket when shiro moves again, this time climbing up on the bed – the cot, more like – to settle beside keith, facing him with legs tucked underneath himself. ]
I want this for us.
[ he has half a mind to simply pluck that boy up and drag him into his lap, to hug him tight and steady until that frown clears. he reaches for his hand instead, catching it between a layering of both of his own, squeezing gently. ]
So will you do that for me? [ voice sweet, smile sweeter. ] Will you make love to me again?
[ shiro starts moving, and of course, keith watches his boy get settled. the conversation should have started this way from the beginning really, with them face-to-face because there's nothing in the universe quite like the gentleness of shiro's smile for keith to wonder if he is overthinking.
there's no doubt that porn prison has warped the natural course of their friendship, just as there's no doubt that the war back home has fundamentally shattered keith's confidence in recognizing anything seriously amiss with his best friend. whether he truly deserves to be forgiven for the latter is likely going to be a perpetual dark spot in his soul, but one thing is becoming clear..
this shiro, the one sitting in front of him, holding his hand, doesn't deserve to be dragged into keith's self-flagellation. this shiro is his shiro, and despite the miserable circumstances behind the last time they slept together, shiro is willing to put his trust in keith another time.
overcome with the enormity of the moment, keith can't quite put words to what he's feeling. his expression softens, his smile small but brightening up his eyes with fierce adoration reserved for his boyfriend. he swallows through the lump in his throat as he holds shiro's hand tighter and leans forward. ]
Of course, I will. I want to. I mean, all I wanted was to take care of you, like you always do for me.
[ he huffs, gaze dropping to thir hands as he turns momentarily shy. ]
... I hate that it got so messed up.
[ a beat, then keith peeks up through a curtain of hair. ]
So I want to because it's been so long since we felt good together. [ a breath. ] ... but maybe I want to save something special like that for when we're properly settled and safe. [ another beat, then keith laughs. ] Is that weird? Am I overthinking again?
[ it didn’t get so messed up. well, okay, the aftermath certainly did. as for the act itself, though? shiro has been focusing on the wrong things. he’s been putting too much emphasis on the where and when, rather than the actual important fact: his first time was with keith. shiro is just now beginning to understand keith’s hesitance for their relationship. see, none of it has been picturesque. there’s always been something unanticipated or unaccounted for, that has driven them together. so of course keith would wonder now, after a week of shiro fretting over things not going the way he once wanted them to. has any part of their relationship gone the way shiro would have wanted it to?
no and yes. for them, he wouldn’t have picked anonymous, jurassic dongs, sex bots, aphro influences or sentence sheets. as much as he has come to love keith, the truth of the matter is that their relationship is a byproduct of a horrific situation. and that’s fine. that doesn’t make what they have any less worthy of feeling or having. he doesn’t regret falling in love with keith, meaning that, by extension, he doesn’t regret all that’s happened in order to get them to this point. that is why, shiro is a stupid, stupid man for fretting so long and so uselessly over losing his last form of innocence to the man he wanted to lose it to anyway.
… but maybe i want to save something special like that for when we’re properly settled and safe.
and here shiro was ready to chuck off his pants for keith. once again, denied his choice of where and when to “lose it.” kidding. keith’s laugh draws one from shiro, smile coming easily. ]
No. [ a short shake of his head, gaze fond. ] You’re thinking about it in just the right way.
[ and now, he does what he ignored before: he gets his hands around keith, gathering him up to pull him into his lap. caging keith in with a gentle circling of his arms, shiro holds him steady as he dips his face in, pressing a quick kiss to that bang covering most of his boy’s forehead. ]
We’ll wait until we don’t have to worry about anything except making each other feel good.
[ off the bed and from the floor, there’s an approving woof. shiro glances toward the source, holding eye contact with the space wolf who has his partly gnawed cock in a sock sausage hanging from his jaws. the moment drags into another and then shiro abruptly laughs again. ]
I think your wolf friend would appreciate us waiting, too, especially if it means he won’t have to be in the same room as us.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[text] un: midnightrose
Hope you're having a super duper day! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
I wuv youuuuuu
[There's a pause before his next text.]
okay but seriously
Are you doing okay?
no subject
what did he just read....... ]
sure i shouldn't be asking if you're ok?
[ and yes, ofc he's deflecting . why talk about how he's doing when he could be talking about literally anything other than how he's feeling as a result of public humiliation. ]
no subject
Just want to know if you're resting well. Are you sore?
Voice: UN: lonewanderer --> Potential Action
[There's a small pause as she tries to figure out what to say.]
Just wanted to see how you were doing after everything. You also looked like you had a few questions for me before we got caught. If you want to ask feel free to find me in one of the yards this afternoon. I'll be glad to explain things.
no subject
Hey, yourself. [ thanks for checking in, it's appreciated. ] Could ask that question right back atcha. Are you doing okay? I did want to ask you stuff about surviving in your world. Is that still okay?
[ frankly, he;s not sure how touchy of a subject angel's world is to her. frankly, dealing with allura and then later romelle, has given him an abudance of caution when it comes to the topic of home. ]
no subject
[You can almost hear her shrug.]
I am a survivor. Solitary is wasn't too bad. I've been stuck alone for longer before though I do miss my dog.
no subject
[ the space wolf hadn't exactly been a typical dog, but the sentiment's one that he shares pretty readily. a beat, then: ]
Okay, Let's meet up by the South field. We can talk there.
Voice -> Action
[There's a small pause for a moment.]
I'll see you out there in 10 minutes.
[She's out there, tank top and booty shorts on. Scars be damned. It's a bit too warm for anything else.]
This is a bit better.
> shiro (post may job fair)
maybe an accurate recollection of the timeline doesn't even matter. what's happened has already happened. what's left is how to proceed forward and keith knows with finality that things can't fucking continue like this if this is the trajectory of the future.
so. the lighthouse had been a bust overall. having little to show for his incursion into the property, keith tries not to be overly frustrated and focus on the otherside of the forked path past the fenced off gate. it's hard to tell what it is exactly form where they are in the prison, but it looked like some kind of facility. something important. perhals the lighthouse was just a smokescreen after all and the warden had been trying to keep prying eyes away from the plant?
whatever the case may be, keith is not longer so content to simply sit still and wait for the next generation of sex robots to show up and molest them all. the last time, someone had likely snitched on him, lance and angel so this time -- this time, he'll bide his time just a little longer. wait for an hour where the majority are likely to be asleep before sneaking out to stake out the property to plan out a proper reconnaissance mission. no lance, no angel, no teammates for back up.
just him. alone. keith doesn't want to be in a nother situation where he's indirectly responsible for someone else getting punished. and yeah -- that's likely going to piss off shiro and the others, but that's only if keith gets caught sneaking around alone, right? what the paladins don't know can't hurt them.
so mind made up, keith puts on the pieces of his paladin armor and sits on the floor of his cube, cross legged to meditate quietly. ]
no subject
shiro worries about all four of them. he knows pidge is dealing with a sliced leg. lance and hunk are traumatized in their own ways. and keith… – shiro has been rounding back on him the most. see, the thing is… those bots weren’t all that different from the punishment machine of a week or so ago. the packaging had been different and they were far harder to dispose of, but that’s about as far as differences go; the rest was precisely the same, especially in terms of intent. keith’s reaction to them went about as well as shiro could expect.
he’s been looping back to that twenty minute window over and over for hours: of keith wielding a dildo of all things, half crazed standing among the wreckage of machinery and technology. that hadn’t even been the most concerning part. that had been pulling keith away from that and outside. to then bring him to his cube and watch him almost immediately pass out, whether by exhaustion or self-preservation. the thing is… shiro can’t decide which aftermath had been worse: keith sprayed with aphro and pawing at shiro relentlessly or keith shuddering and shaking apart, so utterly rattled to be faced with those bots.
at least he kept his own. at least keith didn’t fall apart in the heat of battle. that’s better than what shiro’s done any time he’s faced with a brutal reminder of the dark spots in his past. isn’t about me... – he sighs and rubs at his temples, sitting there at his shitty table inside his cube, simultaneously wondering why he’s still awake while also knowing exactly why he’s still awake. maybe he should’ve stayed with keith. the kid was out before shiro could properly talk to him and now, whenever he wakes up, he’ll be disorientated, confused, panicked…?
no. he’s safe in his cube. he’ll know he’s safe. he’ll stay tucked in bed until shiro checks on him in the morning.
… in takes twelve more minutes before shiro admits to himself that he doesn’t buy that.
it’s pretty fucking dark when he exits his cube. the warden has skimped on light fixtures. it’s okay though, because shiro knows the path well to keith’s cube. to all the paladin’s cubes, really. he may not check in with them every single day for a play by play, but he has at least made a point to familiarize himself with the basics. it doesn’t take more than a few minutes to find himself at keith’s door, only for him to then wonder what the plan is from this point. knock? why? if he’s sleeping, he wants him to stay sleeping. barge in? can’t. his anklet doesn’t give him access to keith’s cube and shiro certainly isn’t going to carve out a hole in the shipping container to let himself in.
he just wants to be here when keith wakes up.
so he settles with the thought that it’s nice enough out and he’s awake enough, that standing guard isn’t too much trouble. or better yet, sitting guard. off to the side of the door, he sits on the dirt and rests his back to the cube, head tilted back to start mapping out unfamiliar clusters of stars as he waits. ]
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is this foolproof? no. but he's not going to attempt an infiltration of the building itself unless absolutey necessary. or if the opportunity presents itself to do so without arousing suspicion. again, he suspects the others won't like this, but he refuses to be the reason anyone else has to make another post crying to the network about their misconducts.
from within his cube, he gets up and glances at the time on his tablet. thirty minutes to go before the next scheduled shift change. it'll take far less time than that for keith to get up to the barbed wire fence, but he stands up anyway, a whole restlessness making him itch for movement. he paces from one end of his cube to the other, then feeling thoroughly unsatisfied decides to poke his head out to glances around and see if he can spot light poking through the doors of the cubes of his neighbors.
what he's not expecting is a large shadow of a man crouched by his cube door. keith flinches, instinctively, twitchily reaching for his knife before pausing, sounding confused. ]
Shiro?
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of course, this is when the door opens. startled out of his thoughts, shiro jerks his spine straight and whips his head in that direction. at least it’s dark enough that it mutes his abrupt movements, as well as his wide eyes.
oh. it’s keith. of course it’s keith. ]
Yeah, uh – it’s me. [ a beat. ] Hi.
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[ keith lets out a breath ,relaxing as thoughts of voyeurs, stalkers and creeps fade to the wayside. the relief is short lived however when it occurs to him that shiro wouldn't randomly be sitting outside his cube and thus probably wants to talk about something. if there's one thing keith truly hates about this place, it's how it's instilled a new dread in him over the prospect of talking to his best friend. swallowing hard and trying to shake out the tension in his shoulders, keith shoots for something nonchalant. ]
You uh... having a party by yourself out here?
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[ he laughs a little, just to take the edge of the awkwardness he can feel beginning to shroud him. a push has him climbing to his feet and a brush as his backside gets off a small dusting of dirt. ]
I know this is unusual to drop in on you like this. [ to put it mildly. he’s smiling in that concerned, yet encouraging way of his as he turns fully to keith, taking a step closer. ] After what happened, I wanted to be here when you woke up and make sure… [ you’re okay. except, he stops short when his brain recognizes what it is he’s seeing. ]
You’re in your armor.
[ why is the unspoken question. ]
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Uh...... [ he glances down at his armor clad body, then looks back up at shiro. ] Yeah.
[ it's almost funny. what seems like a a lifetime ago, allura had caught him sneaking around the pods at night dressed in full armor. somehow he doubts this exchange will go any better. ]
Just.. wanted to go for a walk.
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in fact, he’s in favor of stepping further and does so, with another few steps that bring him closer to the door. it grants him a better look at keith, who is, of course, dressed in full armor. now, the prison isn’t exactly safe, shiro gets that, so armor isn’t a bad idea. but if safety is the concern, why go stomping around in the middle of the night?
… shiro gets a free pass because he had a purpose and a destination. keith here? doesn’t. unless… ]
A walk where?
[ eyes slightly narrowed, there’s a hint of suspicion there. he can’t imagine keith is just out for some fresh air. ]
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Oh you know. Around.
[ silence hangs for two beats before even keith has to admit that the answer is wholly unsatisfying in addition to being suspicious. ]
Around the complex. Doing a perimeter check.
[ a perimeter check that includes a perimeter of forbidden territory, that is. keith is almost proud of himself for coming up with something that gives him plausible deniability here, butsomehow he doubts shiro will make that easy. ]
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or at the very least, a half-truth.
either way, lying or not, it doesn’t matter. if keith is suited up and doing a parameter check of the compound at ass o’clock, middle of the night, and shiro happens to be in the same vicinity, then – ]
In that case, I’m coming with you.
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[ it's an overreaction and the nanosecond after the word's left keith's mouth, his shoulders sag, defeated. scrubbing down his face with his gloved hand, keith grimaces and reiws again, tone softer this time and pleading. ]
Shiro, I don't want you getting in trouble, okay? I can't handle you getting in trouble on my account. SO just... [ he looks to the ground, swallowing once before shooting shiro a chagrined expression. ]
Please.
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truthfully? he’s annoyed in some small capacity. he doesn’t like being misled, especially after what happened at the job fair. shiro’s concerned. he feels it’s his right to be concerned about keith, and so, keith deliberately trying to sidestep him with some shoddy cover story, rubs him the wrong way.
so, have an unimpressed look, keith. ]
Why would I be getting into trouble? We’re free to walk the grounds.
[ sure, there are those robotic sentries also patrolling but there is no actual curfew, as far as shiro can tell. ]
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keith takes a step backwards into his cube, making a motion for shiro to come inside before shutting the door and taking a deep breath. ]
Listen. I know what you're going to tell me. Don't do it, it's stupid -- and yeah, I hear you. But I can't just sit around here anynore not doing anything while the warden keeps cooking up more messed up things to fucking rape us with, okay?
[ amrs folding around himself, keith takes a more measured breath careful to keep his tone calm. it's easier to speak when his head isn't buzzing with thoughts of the job fair. ]
So I'm going to check out the facility on the other side of the blocked off path.
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actually, forget the duty associated with team voltron; shiro and keith are a team. they’re best friends. when did talking to each other become such a trial? heh. probably right around the time he had to use fuzzy handcuffs on said best friend.
shiro doesn’t grimace, but it’s a near thing, as he stands inside keith’s cube, listening to keith attempt to cut him off with don’t do it, it’s stupid, i hear you. he’s not wrong. it is a stupid plan. one that’s lacking thought and comprehension for impending consequences. a frown comes to him, one that furrows tighter the more keith talks and talks and – oh.
rape us. that, combined with keith folding in and hugging himself has shiro’s face relaxing, unintentionally morphing into a more pitying look. not for long, of course, but for a few moments, he understands, he emphasizes and he wants to allow keith whatever it is he needs to do to stop looking like that. only, in the next beat, that want is squashed under the more potent concern and frustration. ]
Need I remind you that this is the same type of plan that got you one on one time with that machine? What happens when you get caught and the Warden again cooks up something specifically for you?
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not for the first time since becoming a prisoner, keith is faced with the reminder that it's loenly here. that he's lonely here, even though it makes little sense when the entirety of team voltron are around. ]
This is different. The Warden never specified that the facility was out of bounds. Only the lighthouse.
[ the defensiveness is automatic, in part provoked by shiro's more combative refusal to hear him out. there's solid grounds for his reasoning, but obviously the warden isn't likely to be impressed by ruleslawyering. keith grimaces inwardly, then looks up at shiro. ]
What are you even suggesting then? That I just sit still as those fucking robots roama round and do whatever they like? We can't just all sit here forever, you know.
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and hell, of all things to wear when pulling off a black-ops spy gig. sneaking into areas is better done without white armor.
so yes, shiro’s disappointed, for a lot of reasons. keith turning it back on him and asking, yet more so accusing him, certainly doesn’t help matters either. he takes a breath and staves off the urge to snap, and then releases a sigh after a deliberate pause. ]
Don’t be like that. [ his tone is strangely mellowed, even a touch defeated. ] I never implied we would sit around.
[ so that’s what keith thinks of him. a no-good leader, sitting on his hands and leaving his team to be ravaged by the horrors of prison life. heh. he shakes it off, knowing he’s being unfair and petty, assuming the worst of keith. ]
I was talking to Lance. At the fair, before everything happened – he had a solid idea of getting me in to work for the maintenance crew. [ a beat, expression a little more open. encouraging? hopeful? this is a better plan, isn’t it, keith? ] I would have plausible deniability if I got caught snooping around there. We just have to give it time for me to get access.
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there's a lot that shiro doesn't know and keith recognizes that most of that is his fault. his fault for having passively left the task of telling shiro about voltron to pidge, lance and hunk. his fault for always just wanting to shield his best friend from harm and the pain of knowing horific existential trutshs about his demise and return. there's too many things that keith himself doesn't have answers to -- like how shiro had survived within black's consciousness, how time passed in there, how much shiro had been aware of. if shiro is even shiro if his body, the atoms that once made up takashi shirogane are lost to the cosmos.
fuck. keith dwells on it for a beat too long, and he has to duck eye contact immediately to bite the sinside of his cheek. shiro will always be shiro, and getting sidetracked on bullshit armchair phlosophy about the nature of existence is the last thing he needs to be doing right now.
but sickly, something inside him wants to laugh in self beration. of course shiro's plan makes more sense than a rushed attempt to get information. of course. patience yields focus and all that.chest feeling tight, he chokes on the thought that despite all that shiro had once wanted him to lead.
still wants him to lead?
he takes a deep breath and forces a tiny smile. ]
... Lance came up with that?
[ ... fuck. it's not even surprising. despite being a loud mouth, the guy can be solid on planning when he needs to be and frankly this whole "I was busy" line that he'd used to outright avoid keith for weeks suddenly makes him feel so disgustingly juvenile for being hurt.
looks like everyone else is trying to be productive in their own way. what does keith even have to show for anything at this point? smile turning into a grimace, he grips his arms tighter as he slides halfway down the wall. ]
I'm.... sorry.
[ for too many things. ]
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that agitated, livewire buzz that had him twitching and itching to pace before? it drains out of existence and with it, shiro deflates visibly, the solid line of his shoulders drooping as he sighs a miserable, barely there sound. ]
Hey… it’s okay. No harm done.
[ right. because he just happened to be here to intercept keith and stop him before harm could happen. he leaves that thought behind as he steps forward, crossing the bit of distance to stand closer to that pitiful half-lean keith has going against the wall. he’s tempted to haul him up himself and right this imbalance, but he offers his hand out instead, akin to the clasp they make before dragging each other into a hug. ]
Just… [ his voice wavers, his smile weak. ] … remember that we’re a team, okay? You don’t have to figure out everything on your own.
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I do though.
[ his voice is shaky, quiet and trails off whisper soft before keith has to clear his throat and star over. ]
I can never put anyone else through the warden's horrible punishment, okay? If I just kept my mouth shut and went to the lighthouse alone, then at least Lance would've never been forced to make a naked public apology and freak out about a guy coming to use him. I -- [ voice wavering, keith bites the inside of his lip and drags in a deep breath through his nose. ]
We're a team. I know that. But I could never live with myself if anything I suggested put you in a compromising position like that. Never.
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he doesn’t interrupt; he lets keith say his piece. some trawling through the network archives has shiro caught up on the whole lighthouse debacle. some days, he thinks he should talk to lance about it, but has never actually gotten beyond a general how are you holding up. probably for the best. reopening wounds of the past doesn’t always lead to better healing, shiro knows that well enough. he'll figure that out later. see, lance isn’t the priority here – true as it is, he feels guilty thinking it – keith is. and it’s funny, almost, how they’re of similar mind, yet so completely opposite at the same time. ]
I can’t take you getting punished again either.
[ in any capacity, whether it’s shiro’s fault, keith’s fault, whoever’s fault. still standing close, he places a hand on his shoulder. well, his shoulder guard. it feels weird under his palm, like he’s barred from actually offering keith his specific brand of comfort. still, his hand stays and he frowns. ]
It was hard seeing you when those things went rogue. [ it’s reluctant at first, like saying the words breathes life back into the terror felt when communal went to hell. they start coming faster after the first few though. ] It was like before. I dunno how much you even remember, you were shaking and out of it and…
[ and then they cut off completely. he sighs and shakes his head, dismissing wherever he’d been going with that. the point he’s trying to make, is: ]
I don’t like you hurting, Keith. [ a beat, voice strengthening with certainty. ] And you will, a lot, if you try to shoulder everything. I have your back, always. You just gotta talk me through the things you’ve got going on, so we can do what's best for everyone.
[ kind of rich coming from him, huh? ]
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of course, handling everything alone in the harsh environment of the quantum abyss would have been suicide. keith's learned that it's okay to rely on his mom and developed a working bond with his space wolf. the three of them had felt like a great team and to an extent even voltron had felt alright again when they fought together to fight lotor.
after that? keith thinks he was finding his footing. but then him and lance turned up here and his interpersonal relationships have all been messy again. whether that be from being too close to lance and bgetting burned, or keeping shiro a mental arm's length away just to avoid his best firend from having to know certain truths about the future -- it's all starting to feel like one wrong call after another. his expression fractures even further when shiro explicitly brings up the robots. before.
no, the fact of the matter is that keith's done a terrible job of navigating the fault lines dotting their relationship. he'd said and done a whole lot of things that can't be taken back with shiro, and he still doesn't know if he's ready to actually talk about it. he bites his lip, then looks down at his feet. ]
I just... I can't handle it, Shiro. Whenever I see those things I don't feel like I belong in my own body.
[ he laughs, managing just the tinitest bitter noise. ]
The experiment didn't even get that far, thanks to you. But I just -- I see them. And I can't sit still. I can't think. I need to get out of here. Place doesn't make me feel right.
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god dammit. shiro feels like a shitty friend. he should’ve checked in more often. should’ve really talked keith through what happened. through everything that happened. and at the job fair? the first time he saw one of those bots, he should’ve gone looking for keith, instead of fiddling time away in bullshit classes and walking a fucking catwalk. he just… tends to think of keith as resilient. the boy makes it through everything, no matter what, because he’s strong and smart and stubborn and exactly the kind of person shiro can depend on to be there when he needs him to be.
is shiro that person for keith though? where’s shiro when keith needs him? always a few minutes late of hitting the necessary cue.
frowning through his self-flagellation, shiro steps back into keith’s space and grips his other shoulder, holding him by both. ]
We’re gonna get out of here. [ he’s certain of that, at least. ] I’ll have access to restricted areas soon. I’ll find something we can use.
[ he ducks his head down, trying to catch keith’s attention and get him to look up. ]
You just have to hang in there a little longer, okay? Nothing’s gonna harm you like that again. I’ll always come get you, no matter what.
[ he did both times, right? late, he reminds himself. still, he did come. there’s some comfort in that, isn’t there? his tablet answers that for him. it’s not a chime. it’s that other sound, the one that signals something being checked off. he straightens up, expression turning puzzled as he shoulder checks the knapsack secured to his back, as if that’ll reveal an answer. the only thing it could be is…
ah, right. he knows. that doesn’t settle his thoughts though. now he’s thinking of sentence sheets and obvious ways to get out of here. there's a moment of hesitation and then a tentative: ]
But if it’s really too much… [ he looks back to keith and slowly releases his hold of him. ]
How much of your sentence do you have left?
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a notification fills the screen readingL congratulations! you have receieved credits for completion of community service: hurt/comfort". keith's reaction isn't even remotely subtle. ]
Huh?
[ exclamation blurted and suddenly deeply unsure if he's gotten a new sentence added to his sheet for reasons unknown, he quickly sqipes to his rap sheet, cheeks still residually flushed red, but recovering fast with a slight frown. ]
I don't... who got hurt?
[ it's a little oblivious perhaps, but his confusion is painfully earnest. if he'd been thinking just a little straighter, franily keith would know showing shiro his sheet and what sentences have been crossed off is a terrible idea considering the earful that's bound to come when his best friend sees "anonymity" has been crossed off, but he turns the screen around for shiro's perusal with a shake of his head. ]
It's these.
[ alongside anonymity, fighting/wrestling, bondage, flexibility/contortionism, sexual exhaustion and rubbing/grinding have all been marked off. ]
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like hell he’s passing up the opportunity though.
walking across the cube over to keith by the bed, shiro doesn’t think twice before reaching out and taking the tablet from his hands. all else becomes background noise, his attention turning solely to the sheet, already trying to commit it to memory. a lot of these community service requirements look similar; oddly enough, they share a little more than one-third of them. prostitution bothers him, just like it does on his own, as well as exhibitionism, though he supposes that’s better than his similar, although worse dogging. anonymity catches his interest and he feels something akin of dread churn his chest and have him feeling sick, though he can’t place why. too much of a coincidence; there’s no possible way, especially because anonymous’ dick…
he wrinkles his nose and forces himself to read on, noting the other completed kinks… and more so, the ones that aren’t. keith has sexual exhaustion checked off? that in itself is – fine? good? keith’s checking off his list and, presumably, enjoying his time while doing it, so that can’t be anything other than good, right? should be, except he doesn’t have aftercare checked off. if someone rode him into the mattress, then shouldn’t there be a check off on the following care that should have happened?
that’s not even the worst of the uncompleted.
he stares at one in particular, mentally willing it to ping with a delayed notification. but of course nothing changes, other than shiro’s eyes straining and a headache forming from the way his thoughts are running circles. he glances up and he’s still wrinkled up on a frown, eyes imploring, yet sad. ]
You haven’t kissed anyone? Even though you’ve… done all this?
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or interested generally, but that's probably for the better considering the utter shambles his relationship with lance is in. in short, keith is braced for something, but guarded as he may be still hadn't anticipated on shiro zeroing in on the most harmless act on his sentencing like a laser. ]
I... [ keith flusters instantly. this conversation had started off with no illusions about how keith feels about life at prison, so there's little hope of credibility if he tried to maintain an aloof air about his sentencing, but that said having that speciifc sentence called out scrambles his thoughts. nothing about intimacy here has been normal, so not kissing hadn't seem that off, but the surprise on shiro's face makes keith feel a little like dissociating again for having to explain that nothing's wrong. ]
... yeah?
[ yeah. the winner of all arguments and ender of all debates dispensed, keith reaches for his tablet and gently tries to tug it out of shiro's grasp. ]
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… but he is involved. forget being leader, he’s keith’s best friend first and foremost and he cares about him. a lot, a lot. in short? this doesn’t sit right.
so, no, keith won’t be getting off the hook with his stellar rebuttal. in the next beat, shiro pivots slightly, the movement gently prying the tablet out of keith’s grip. he pulls it closer too, just to thwart any misguided attempt to snatch it from him. ]
And aftercare too.
[ he’s tunnel visioned. if he really thought about the community service kinks that are marked off, he’d maybe connect the dots that a lot of them can be attributed to the incident with the fuzzy handcuffs. but he sees anonymous and bondage and flexibility, and then simply assumes keith’s been finding other inmates. kind of like that blonde woman with the blue and pink, at the party awhile back. keith hooked up with her, right? shiro saw the two together on the dancefloor and then…
thinking of that may explain why he forgets himself in the moment and asks a very blunt: ]
Who are you hooking up with? Why aren’t they taking care of you afterwards?
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I -- [ he falterers with his words, clearly flustered, but doesn't look away. ] I don't need to be taken care of, Shiro. It's better this way. I'm not good with people so it's fine just like this.
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he holds keith’s gaze and relaxes his hold on the tablet, silently disagreeing to every sentence that comes out of his mouth.
i don't need to be taken care of, shiro. not true.
it's better this way. no, it isn’t.
i'm not good with people so it's fine just like this. about that… ]
You’re good with people. [
just check out his harem. the frown won’t leave him, though his eyes soften. ] It’s people who aren’t good to you.[ clearly, from this ridiculous list that doesn’t even have the givens checked off. but it’s always been true. the teachers from junior high to the garrison who dubbed him a disciplinary issue. the griffins of the world who rubbed salt into the wounds. even the lances who had it out for him for shallow reasons. so actually – shiro will amend his earlier thought. keith’s right, he doesn’t need to be taken care of, because he’s found ways to do that himself… but shiro wishes people would anyway. ]
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he doesn't mean to laugh, but it comes out as a bittersweet huff as he thinks back to his first day sitting in the black lion alone after shiro's death. i know you wanted this for me, but i can't lead them like you. ... heh.
it didn't matter much in the end. it's true, keith never got the hang of leading like shiro, but he could still lead in his own way. but it's clearly not working here, so the best he can muster up is some genuine appreciation that if nothing else, shiro still believes in him. he doesn't yank the tablet out ofhis best friend's hands, and instead offers hima an earnest but wan smile. ]
... You already got your credits for comfort, you know. Doubt they're gonna give you more credits if you make me cry.
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Oh. In that case…
[ his mouth is on a slant, one side pulling harder. he trails off and lets it hang but ultimately taps out quickly with a playful roll of his eyes. once his gaze resettles on keith, everything softens all over again: the smile, the look, the voice. he pulls the tablet closer, almost hugging it to himself, not because he wants it, but to coax keith closer. ]
You can, you know.
[ cry. if that’s what keith needs to do to process what he’s feeling. shiro won’t tell. he won’t judge him for it either, because shiro wants to stay out of that group of people who mistreat keith. ]
It’s part of the best friend privilege. [ see, not two seconds and he’s going for the joke too, just to lighten the mood. ] Free access to a sturdy shoulder to cry on when needed.
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and besides -- his anonymous partner touches him just the right amount and leaves an overabudndance of privacy for keith to weather his own vulnerability. it works. prison can be worked around, at least when there aren't an army of sex robots that flood him with bad memories wandering around. ]
That the only privilege I get as your best friend?
[ so maybe he's not quite ready to have a serious conversation, but he steps in closer as shiro pulls the tablet to his chest and looks up with a half smile. he raises one arm to wind around shiro's shoulders, but pauses when he's reminded that he still has his paladin armor on. ]
Oh. Guess I should take this off.
[ since you know... he's capitulated on the idea of going alone. as much as staying put still gives him pins and needles, shiro's plan is a better one. pride doesn't have a place when it comes to serious discussions about infiltration and escape. keith steps back and begins pulling apart the pieces of armor, loosening up the chest plate and the arm guards. he heaves a sigh as he works, voice a little quiet and uncertain when he speaks up. ]
Hey, Shiro? What was your first time having sex like? Was it with someone you liked?
ok im assuming w the armor helpfulness, tell me if this isn't what you had in mind
Yeah, maybe. You’ll be more comfortable.
[ shiro will be too. he’s relaxing already, now that keith’s fiddling with the guards and loosening the chest plate. every one of them has done this routine so many times now; keith more so, considering he’s a good leap further in the timeline than shiro is. even so, it’s cumbersome to get all the pieces off. he wants to help but doesn’t take the initiative to simple add his hands to the mix. he’s mulling over asking but then the focus is turning to him instead and any thought of aiding keith in his strip down is derailed.
again, he’s reminded of how little they’ve spoken of the more intimate details of their lives. not that shiro was ever going to discuss his sex and romantic life with an underage cadet, who also happened to be his mentee, but it’s surprising, he thinks, that he hasn’t divulged much information now that they’re in a sex prison. he could’ve said something to keith. given him tips? encouragement? some camaraderie of assurance that shiro didn’t have it all together the first time or the first few times, really, either?
he wets his lips in thought, part of him as agitated as he always is any time he’s put on the spot to open up about something he didn’t choose to bring up. but keith’s fragile right now. recognizing that makes shiro’s resistance weak. ]
I liked him, but not like that. I mean, we didn’t date. [ in other words? a friend of some varying degree of importance. low, to be honest; he’d been a flight mate, but one he ultimately drifted away from after they graduated to junior officers and shiro’s career picked up.
he’s barely started and – well, forget about him asking, shiro moves without thinking. doing something with his hands makes talking easier, perhaps more so because his gaze is away from keith’s face. ]
It was during one of the Garrison’s hell weeks. You remember those? [ lots of exams, both written and practical. forget the exams themselves; just the stress of preparing for everything was sometimes enough to weed out the cadets. he helps loosen the upper portion of the arm guards and helps when needed when keith starts pulling his arms out of each. ]
Well, we decided to blow off some steam and…
[ he leaves the obvious unsaid and steps more centered in front of keith. the chest plate is loose and split down the line that starts underneath the armpit. it separates the plate not into two pieces but into a different form. collar wide, it just takes a lift over the head to get the armor piece off. it’s heavy and bulky, especially with the jetpack housing, so shiro helps him through the lift and ultimately keeps hold of the armor once keith is free.
turning away, he places the whole thing down at the foot of the bed. a huffed laugh later and shiro turns back around, only to seat himself down on the bed as well. keith can handle the belt and leg guards. ]
I remember being nervous. [ a smile. ] You may be shocked to hear this but I was, by no means, a natural. Neither was Craig for that matter. [ he looks down to his feet, tapping one out, voice gentling. ] But even with all the fumbling, it was – nice.
how dare you assume
in a weird way, it's kinda nice to talk about life before voltron and the war with the galra swallowed their lives whole. what even was having other priorities like? it's a little alarming that it takes keith a moment to even remember the grind of the garrison. he watches shiro drop the armor down and take a seat, expression distant as he thinks. ]
I don't remember an Officer Craig.
[ maybe that's not surprising. keith hadn't exactly remembered the name of the loudest, brattiest cadet of their class either. frown deepening fractionally, keith presses the belt release and walks to the foot of the cot to set it down next to the chest piece. ]
What about it was nice?
i'm sorry i didn't assume shiro helping keith strip completely
He transferred divisions. He wasn’t stationed at Galaxy Garrison.
[ unimportant detail in the grand scheme of things. truthfully, shiro hasn’t thought much at all of craig in the past seven, eight years now? nine? god, has it really been that long? dismissing the question without a solid answer, shiro watches keith place down the belt and then lifts one shoulder, his smile just as lopsided as that shrug. ]
Finding out that I could make someone feel really good? [ a beat, one that’s spent turning his face forward. ] Finding out that I could feel really good too.
[ despite not having it all together. despite being impatient and hasty. despite having a certain wristband monitor on his right. it was nice because it had been impulsive and freeing, like he’d been defying all the built up expectations he, as well as others, had placed on him. the perfect cadet. the sick patient. no, no titles. he’d only been shiro when he’d stripped down with craig. ]
o-oh. suddenly so bold....!
Guessing Craig didn't just avoid you for a week afterwards, huh?
[ the question slips out of him. keith blinks, then tries to walk it back with an unconving laugh. ]
Kidding. [ keith chews nervously at his lower lip as he pulls off the armor on his left leg off, followed by the right. ]
But I guess it's ... something. I don't know. I guess... I'm just not that interested if it's just about feeling good with someone? Which should make sex more appealing here because it's about going home, but ...I just feel dirty.
i just now realized shiro was last holding the tablet and i forgot about it
or maybe that hadn’t been a poorly delivered slight against him. he just learned from lance that these two, in lance’s words, don’t really talk to each other anymore. more breaking news at 11, right. it does make him think of the network and lance’s punishment and keith’s guilt of not more than five minutes ago. did those two actually do something salacious, as keith had said, in what shiro initially took to be a joke.
… he really doesn’t want to get involved. he has his own mess to figure out with keith. namely, less about the actual tussle they had in shiro’s bed and more about shiro’s lingering thoughts on it. he thinks about it a tad more than he should, especially when he’s lying in his cot, reminding himself that keith came in that exact spot.
he glances to the tablet
he totally placed on the cot because no, it didn’t mysteriously disappear from one tag to the next, though there’s nothing to see with the screen gone to sleep. how many people has keith been with now, he wonders. how many did he actually want to be with? ]It would feel like that, huh? Especially when aphro is involved and it makes the decision for you.
[ like with him? shiro can’t be sure how much had actually been keith and how much had been the aphro talking. they only did the bare minimum clean up on the issue once keith’s system had cleared through and they’ve been playing this game of pretend it didn’t happen since, so… did shiro make keith feel dirty? ]
I’m sorry, Keith. [ he sighs, frowning to his lap. ] There isn’t much remedy for that when it isn’t about choice. [ a pause of hesitation. he shouldn’t bring it up if he made keith feel dirty… but what if it’s everyone else who is making him feel that way? maybe, maybe he can…? ] But I – … I can help. If you still wanted what you asked me to do before.
haha i assumed he put the tablet down
Oh.....
[ Oh. like that's an adequate way to address the way his insides have suddenly gone hollow. as much as keith could have played up ambiguity, and acted like all of what happened that day in shiro's cube is lost to aphrodisiac haze, the one syllable instantly betrays that keith knowsexactly what shiro is referencing.
his turn to look down at his lap. hands gripping his knees tight, keith tries not to feel any particular thing. it's fucking impossible from the outset. so much of what had prompted him to bend over and press his ass to the door for anon had to do with no longer wanting to hold onto past desires, moving on from unreasonable expectations and of course, finally ending that selfish streak that was likely needling at shiro's guilty conscience. shiro doesn't have to take care of him in any capacity and that's something keith means sincerely.
his expression fractures, forwning as he chews his lower lip. all of that put into perspective, he doesn't regret what he did with anonymous that day. but it's in knowing that shiro did mull that over in the days afterwards that keith can't shake the surge of guilt bubbling in his stomach. ]
.... Shiro, I should have never said that. You weren't comfortable with me and I didn't mean to make you feel obligated to ... do something like that for me. I was wrong and selfish.
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seems like he’s only succeeded in making keith more uneasy though. nice one, shirogane.
shiro frowns unhappily, still staring at his lap as keith finishes up. wrong and selfish rubs him uncomfortably, and immediately, he shakes his head, lifting his gaze to look to keith at the end of the cot. ]
You were hopped up on aphro. [ he’s adamant about that. whatever that machine used on keith, it was far stronger than what shiro got hit with in the library. and shiro, with his baby two sprays ended up doing a lot worse than the erotic displays keith put on in the privacy of shiro’s cube. ]
Like I said before, I don’t hold anything you said or did against you. I only wanted to take care of you, not take advantage of you.
[ which he still thinks he did. at the very least, he’d been too weak to prevent keith from taking what he needed. the more egregious sin here, however, is that shiro keeps thinking back to keith’s presented ass and the feel of him squirming and mewling underneath him. he tells himself the offer is made purely with keith’s benefit in mind, but maybe it’s not. maybe it’s for shiro too. ]
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I know you don't hold it against me. I guess ... I just feel like I wronged you anyway. Not just because of what I did, but ... in saying things that'd trip you up on guilt? I mean, I meant what I said, but I shouldn't have said it. I know you had your preferred way of handling all this and... [ he winces, thinking briefly of the network post that shiro had responded to. ] ... wel, it clearly didn't involve me. You just want to do the sentences with strangers, right?
[ not waiting for an answer, keith lifts his head and partly looks over his shoulder towards shiro. ]
So... you should keep doing that if that's what makes you most comfortable. [ a beat, followed by a deeper sigh. ] I can take care of myself. I thought about it and just.. went for it, you know? Found a guy who agreed to my terms for it and everything.
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so much for that, huh? he shouldn’t be surprised that his plan has fallen apart a few, short weeks into his sentence. this was never going to be easy. not for him and especially not for the team; not everyone operates under the idea that the ends justify the means. kill anyone and anything put opposite him in the arena in order to survive? done. whore himself out in order to gain his freedom? sure. his stomach roils sickly, his expression darkening. he never stopped to think of it in those terms and now that he has, he thinks this must be how keith feels: dirty.
he’ll deal though. he’ll power through as he always does with a combination of disregard for himself and an intense fixation on the goal. so it’s fine. it’s okay. he’s not the one he’s worried about here. it’s keith and the team’s ability to come out of this as close to unscathed as they are realistically able to. so –
found a guy.
he’s already looking in keith’s direction but he seems to come to, the slight distance in his gaze clearing. it takes another moment for the facts to slot into place. ]
Wait, I thought…
[ he’d been so assured that the biggest obstacle to overcome here, would be making the offer itself. he didn’t think the problem would be that keith no longer needed him. that he’d found someone else. he pauses on the thought, repeating it back to himself and inwardly cringing. is that a problem? why does he consider that a problem? isn’t this a good thing? should be. it aligns with his original plan. then why does he sound so disappointed? ]
You said you only trusted me.
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an extended beat and keith finally breathes again, but finds the burn in his chest doesn't ebb with the flow of air. why would shiro be disappionted if he no longer has to go through with something he obviously found objectionable? or if not objectionable, at least not his preference? and if shiro is disappointed, then why does that echo and hurt?
trust. you said you only trusted me. ]
Oh....
[ the word's quiet, his expression coloring over with guilt he can't explain because -- ]
You are...? [ heat blooms across keith's cheeks, knowing that it has to sound like the worst lie he's ever told and yet, he only repeats it even more fervently as he turns to face shiro. [ You are., okay? Look. I realize that sounds fake, but I mean it. I ... [ the flush deepens , spreading to the tips of his ears as keith glances down at the cot. ] .. I needed a lot of stipulations in place in order to be okay with it.
[ a beat, then he steals the tiniest glance up at shiro. ]
... it wouldn't have been like that with you.
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what does that even mean? he twists his lips on an unhappy grimace and stares down at his lap, feeling keith’s eyes on him but refusing to look up. he didn’t want to do anything with his friends, remember? he tries to console himself with the reminder. it works and it doesn’t; it eases the frown off his face but it doesn’t soften that uneasiness in his chest or the tightness that has his sternum feeling weighted, everything seemingly collapsing in on each breath.
his response is a few seconds late; he spends that time being sure his voice is mild-tempered and smooth. still, he doesn’t look up. ]
Whatever you needed to do, I’m glad it worked out for you.
[ it is true, to an extent. he only wants the best for keith. if this is how he wanted to go about sharing his body, then so be it. keith doesn’t owe shiro a damn thing. emotions are, unfortunately, complicated, hypocritical things though. weirdly enough, it makes him think of black and how blindsided he’d been when after having settled into the belief that black chose him to lead voltron, he’d been spit out like trash once zarkon showed up. god, is he seriously comparing the struggle over black to keith not truly trusting him with his virginity? pathetic.
well, if he’s certain of anything, it’s that he’s more invested in this than he was ever meant to be. so perhaps it’s best if he sticks with the original plan, especially since it doesn’t seem to matter much to keith anymore. ]
Maybe he can help you with the rest of your community service.
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What? No.
[ the refusal comes out more empathic that keith meant, but save for a slight dial down in volume keith doesn't take back the sentiment as a whole. he won't lie -- anon had put him at ease for a lot of things, but that was because making it stop was always as simple as a step away. no grabbing hands, no holding him in place to take it, no judging eyes to drink in keith's vulnerability. he shudders visibly. ]
I don't want that, Shiro.
[ but does that mean he wants that with shiro? wasn't he just chastising himself for being selfish and unfairly enrcoraching on shiro's boundaries by wrongfully appealing to his best friend's guilty conscience? keith shuts his mouth, then looks away. ]
I just... you weren't going to help me anyway.
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brows knotted and eyes slightly narrowed with perplexion, shiro watches keith carefully. one, two, three, four, he keeps his gaze right where it is, even as keith looks away. the brush off is expected, though he can’t decide if it’s meant as a shifting of blame or as a method of consoling himself through a missed opportunity. heh, not that being with shiro would have been any sort of prize. it would have, at the very least, been easier. no stipulations, right?
the thing is, it’s entirely false. he can’t blame keith too harshly; shiro of a month ago had been keen on believing that as well. wait, no, that’s not quite right. shiro of a month ago had been keen on not helping keith with his sentence, true, but specifics like that don’t stand up against the more generalized i will never give up on you. if keith’s struggling… if keith doesn’t feel right with himself… if he needs something from shiro, even shiro himself, then…
shiro exhales a heh, cracking a slanted grin. it’s funny and it’s not funny at all. ]
Keith. [ he shakes his head slow and brief, gaze shifting to the opposite wall. ] There isn’t a whole lot I wouldn’t do, if you truly needed me.
[ a moment to let that hang weighty and meaningful between them, and then he stomps right over it. ]
But you didn’t. You figured it out.
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everything is overblown. they're talking about sexual intimacy between them which, up until a month ago, was never an issue that was on or off the table. fuck, there was no goddamn table at all. they'd simply been two friends who looked out for each other, cared for each other, become each other's family. not even a war or death had changed that. so what exactly is it that's needling him?
honestly, keith doesn't have it sorted by the time he blurts the words out. ]
I don't have it figured out. [ he furrows his brow, leaning across the bed to grab shiro's shoulder. ] But you're right. I didn't need you for that.
[ he swallows, but holds eye contact steady. so that's it, huh? need. keith takes a deep breath, finding greater resolve with his next breath. need. no. if the last couple of years has taught keith anything at all, from shiro's "pilot error" death, to his actual death, it's that keith doesn't technically need shiro at all. life goes on, he's found. miserably, and with guilt and grief and mourning, but it marches on and keith can lead a team of four other paladins in battle and win despite feeling gutted and lonely.
the fight at the abandoned facility when he could have let the clone fall to save himself... that hadn't been about need either. bringing shiro back from the infinite void of the black lion, pleading with his unconscious body as his quintessence risked rejection.... fuck. a thousand different feelings cut raw at at once, knowing this shiro may never know the depth and intensity of feeling keith has reserved only for him, but it has to be better this way, right?
keith grips shiro's shoulder tight, violet eyes imploring for even a shred of understanding and connection. ]
I'm not some kid with scuffed knuckles who needs to be guided under your wing, Shiro.
[ a beat. ]
But I wanted you. [ still want you? his grip loosens fractionally as he swallows.] It's okay that you don't want me back like that, but I mean every word I'm saying.
i'm tagging this just so you stop editing.
not a kid? shiro knows that. he’s sorry if he’s made it sound like that. this keith is different. older. more mature and more confident. that’s plain to see even with all the prison curveballs continually off-setting his footing. hell, even before all this, shiro entrusted the future of voltron to keith. so no, definitely not a child and any guiding shiro’s provided has been offered on account of genuine care and concern, not because he believes keith a temperamental loose cannon, in constant need of surveillance and direction. he must’ve fudged it up, though. maybe he’s kept too close to the idea of team voltron and him being its leader, when he should have been more focused on simply being a friend.
doesn’t matter either way, keith didn’t need him. still doesn’t need him.
honestly, he’s still hazy on the source of his disappointment here, but he’s stubbornly stuck in the feeling, hearing wanted and immediately thinking past tense. right, he wanted him then because of the aphrodisiac. the grip loosens and shiro still doesn’t look at him, instead finding the opposite wall again and thinking, this is it. this is the moment. keith’s been honest and now it’s shiro’s turn to be honest too.
would it also be okay if i did?
it’s there in his mind and on his tongue, ready to be said and change everything between them. except, he overthinks it. he’s not as brave as keith is, not in prodding at the carefully constructed parameters of invaluable relationships. all of this sounds like a gentle letdown; like keith has moved on from whatever ignited between them in shiro’s cube. shiro’s tried to move on too but he’s lagging. he just needs more time. he just – ]
I don’t want to jeopardize anything between us. [ it already feels a little ruined, doesn’t it? he doesn’t want more of this feeling. ] So I think it’s best if we don’t.
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shiro is happier messing around with anyone who puts out the network that isn't being punished in some way and well -- that's a facet of his best friend that keith clearly never knew a damn thing about. or who even knows. what's there to say that this shiro isn't from a different reality entirely and this roiling disappointment keith feels is nothing more than the by product of being held emotionally captive by a familiar looking face?
wouldn't be the first time it's fucking happened after all. ]
Yeah. I guess sex does have a way of messing everything up.
[ whether you have it or not. fucking hilarious. agitation ramps up and keith kicks out his legs and gets to his feet. the agreement comes entirely flat toned and deliberately uninterested.]
I'm going for a walk. See you tomorrow.
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surely.
funnily enough, shiro’d been thinking this is how keith should have gone out from the get-go. all black. it hits differently here, because it punctuates the fact that keith wants so badly to get away from this conversation, even shiro himself, that he’s not even thinking of his state of dress anymore. skin tight and barely anything at all, it’s a ridiculous way to take a walk.
so maybe they won’t be fine.
the confession he swallowed back returns to him and he thinks, should’ve been honest, right before his mouth parts, his lungs fill, and he blurts out: ]
I can’t stop thinking about you, okay?
[ how he’d looked. how he’d felt underneath him. shiro can still hear him too. he’d hoped admitting as much would feel liberating, like a catharsis. but it isn’t. it only adds fuel to that agitated, jittery unease, of feeling out of depth and out of control. but see? see? keith isn’t alone in this, so don’t leave shiro here to deal with the damage alone either. ]
Just… [ he can never quite escape the urge to hesitate. he always tries to think things through first and measure out his words, but here, he’s
breakingoverriding the habit, leaving everything to come out rushed and slightly fumbled. ] I wanted you too. I still do. And I don’t know what to do with that.no subject
doubtless. or so he thought.
shiro instead has his own outburst and for once, it's not measured disappointment, a veiled lecture or some prescriptive commentary about his trashfire of a sex life with a partner he doesn't know anything about. instead, it may well be the only fucking real thing shiro's said to him since that day in his cube.
keith stops. the abruptness of it is about as smooth as his forcequit of an exit. i can't stop thinking about you. the air feels physically squeezed out of his lungs as keith tries to keep himself stitched together. i wanted you. i still do. it should all come as a relief, but there's a band of pressure wrapped tight around his head that keeps keith facing away from shiro, expression vacant in its despair. ]
Why couldn't you just say that?
[ the words come out hissed, frustration with shiro bleeding into his frustration with lance and the prison at large. fuck. ]
Why did you have to make this about a breach of confidence? How can you possibly think any of these nobody's stuck here could ever be as important to me as you are? WHy do you have to make it my fault? Why do you have to make me beg for you to understand?
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amazing. shiro’s been trying to preserve the team by not getting involved and yet, he’s made a mess of his strongest bond. quite a feat to pull off; congratulations, shirogane.
still, even with all this self-chastising, keith’s frustration gives rise to shiro’s own and while he doesn’t hit the same level as keith, he does wrinkle his nose, slam down his brow and huff back: ]
I didn’t make you do anything.
[ hurled one after the other, the amount of questions are seemingly endless. the last one rubs wrong the most, but one, two beats and the frustrated spike lulls into a feeling more manageable. he sighs heavily. ]
I wasn’t trying to hurt you or whatever you think it is I was doing. [ he still hasn’t moved from the cot, still sitting there, still hoping keith will come back on his own accord. ] I thought staying away would be better for us in the long run.
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What I think you're doing is finding reasons not to be honest with me and I'm tired of it. First Lance, now you. I trust you more than anyone, you know? It feels really fuckign bad that I have more of a clue what random strangers want out of me and why than people who call themselves my friends. [ a beat. ] In your case, my best friend.
So no, I don't think you're trying to hurt me. You're just impossible to read. That's all.
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patience yields focus, heh. keep it together. think it through. don’t snap back.
shiro repeats his favorite mantra once, twice more and just like that, something gives inside him. his shoulders slump and exhaustion takes; he doesn’t want to fight. he’s never wanted to fight with keith. so have a quiet, miserable sounding: ]
I’m being honest with you now. Ask me anything.
[ too little, too late? ]
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What am I to you?
[ a loaded question perhaps, but it's the easiest place to start. ]
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or did, up until a few minutes ago. now shiro isn’t so sure if that’ll remain true. and that’s a gut-churning thought because: ]
You’re the one person I can’t stand to lose.
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you’re the one person I can’t stand to lose.
keith actually startles somewhat, enough so that he turns to look over his shoulder at shiro with a truly miserable expression on his face. has shiro always felt this way? keith searches his memor. sure, shiro had told him way back when that he wanted keith to lead, that he believes in keith, but this goes a hell of a lot deeper than that.
nobody's ever said anything like this to him. not when he left team voltron after the clone's discovery. hell, even after that stunt he pulled on naxzella, most of what he heard was justifiable outrage over the stupidity of his kamikaze strategy to take down haggar's cruiser.
keith stares, something inside him fracturing further into tiny pieces as he offers up a faint smile and shakes his head. ]
That kinda sounds like ...
[ you need me. keith trails off, realization hitting like a sledgehammer to the back of his head. need. is that why shiro had turned sour and cold out of nowhere? needing someone had always been dirty to keith. needing like a child needs a lost parent. keith looks down, biting hard on the inside of his cheek. ]
You're not gonna lose me if you never give up on me, you know?
[ it's meant as a joke, but there's something choked up and vulnerable in keith's tone of voice. he turns then, head bowed and again feeling guilty and exhausted. ]
....doubly so because I'm never giving up on you. Just... I had a really bad day, Shiro. I can't deal with you questioning who you are to me any more than you can, okay?
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silently, he bobbles his head, though the reassurance he’s supposed to feel doesn’t follow it; is it actually that easy to keep keith? shiro’s faith and support for keith is what shiro himself is certain in. he doesn’t envision ever giving up on keith, not after all these years and obstacles. but things change. who knows what the future holds? keith knows, assuming shiro’s reality follows the same or similar to this keith’s history. not for the first time, shiro wonders if something happened in the gap, something that’s rattled them and the team, because something about the thickness of keith’s voice and the way he won’t look up from the floor gives him the distinct feeling that there’s more to never give up on me and i’ll never give up on you.
no. he’s overthinking it. just like he’s been overthinking everything of the past ten minutes. the smile is long gone and he’s back to his impression of a kicked puppy; nonetheless, he powers through the miserable, awkward feeling that follows any unfinished argument. because it is unfinished; they’re calling a truce but shiro doesn’t know where they are on the offer or if they’re actually fine. it’s time to stop being selfish with keith though, huh? ]
Okay.
[ he watches keith in the following pause, everything about his best friend’s body language bothering him. so, wow, look at that, shiro finally remembers that he has working legs. up on his feet now, shiro crosses the room and closes the distance, pausing an arm’s reach in front of him. he frowns, voice gentle. sincere. ]
I’m sorry for making today worse. [ goes without saying that that’s the direct opposite of what he initially came here to do. ] You can kick me out if it’ll make you feel better, I’d deserve it, but… [ just as he’d done earlier, he holds out his right hand. ] If I gave you a hug, would you consider forgiving me?
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You know I can't stay mad at you for long.
[ he huffs, again managing a small smlile. when he reaches for shiro's hand, however, his grip is firm and he steps in for a solid hug. ]
Breaks the universe or something..
[ it's facetiously worded, but there's truth behind that, too. keith doesn't really know what he'd be doing if he were stuck in porn prison and not on speaking terms with his best friend.
he sighs, and where the usual etiquette of their routine dictates that it's time to step back, keith stays in the hug. there are things he ought to say, perhaps. let shiro know that he's also been doing a lot of thinking about that day, and not completely in terms of his own humiliation., but with both his brain and words failing him, keith doesn't hazard an attempt. ]
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the movements are second nature and it all goes smoothly, with shiro winding his free arm around keith. this time, he doesn’t have the armor to contend with and boy, what a difference it makes. keith tucks in with ease and shiro’s struck amazed by how nice it feels. it always feels nice; this isn’t the first time they’ve done it out of the armor either. there’s nothing particularly different about it, and yet, it seems – better…? like they fit more together.
that’s sappy, huh?
either way, it’s nice and it’s good and as such, shiro is reluctant to relax the bend of his arm. keith doesn’t seem to be in much of a rush to follow their usual protocol either. both curious and encouraged by this, shiro continues to hold keith in and soon, he loses track of how long they stand there, holding and leaning into each other. unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. after so much time, inevitably, finally, shiro remembers really bad day and decides it’s time to move this along to hopefully accomplish what he came here to do: ensure keith takes care of himself.
with that in mind, the bend relaxes, though the hand doesn’t leave keith. he slides his arm down to rest mid-torso on keith’s side and he pulls back, just enough to get a look at keith’s face. ]
So, now that we have that straightened out…
[ tentatively, he smiles a wider, more encouraging smile. ]
How about you skip the walk and tuck in for the night? [ half expecting keith to say no, he hardly pauses for breath, tacking on a hasty: ] Like you said, it’s been a rough day. Sleep will do you good.
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see, he's starting to wonder yet again, what intimacy could really be like if it started and ended this way, all tender and soft rather than staring down a balsa wood door and eyeing whatever body part is pressed up to the slot. it's a dangerous thought to be having, which is in part why keith doesn't resist when shiro finally ends the hug and pulls away.
getting a grip on himself, keith blinks and empties his head. shiro's right to think he doesn't want to abandon the walk, but after their argument keith isn't ready to say goodbye to the smile tugging on shiro's lips. he sighs inwardly, taking an additional half step back, expression a pinch melancholy despite his half smile. ]
You want me to be a good boy, huh.
[ ... heh. fuck. maybe he's not so done reflecting on his time with anonymous. his smile goes briefly sardonic before keith shakes his head, teasing a pinch airily. ]
You gonna tuck me in?
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the next teasing comes and shiro’s a pinch delayed in a smooth reaction. throat feeling dry, he swallows and holds eye contact, before forcing a smile that he hopes is mostly believable. ]
Yeah.
[ that’s the main hurdle. once he says that and removes all touch from keith, it’s easier to focus on the prime objective here: getting keih into bed. so he turns away and backtracks to the cot. the armor is moved to the floor and the tablet is snatched up in his left while he bends down to pull back the blanket. he straightens up and pivots halfway to glance toward keith, gesturing with his metal hand to the cot in a wordless climb in.
as for the rest? he’ll smile something more genuine and far sweeter this time. ]
Humor me?
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given another beat however, and keith decides he doeesn't care what shiro's getting at. humor me he said, and that's compelling in its own right. ]
Okay.
[ so he cralws into his cot, obediently like a very good boy and lies down, still with the half amused smile on his lips. the look turns decidedly more sheepish when keith looks up at his best friend from this particular angle, but the smile holds nonetheless. ]
Humoring. Now what, sir?
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sir.
shiro huffs a soft, amused sound. of all things to call him… – he shakes his head, smile tugging harder to one side and plumping that cheek round. ]
Now… [ he grabs the edge of the blanket and pulls it over keith, lying it high, right around his collarbones. ]
We tuck.
[ leaning over keith and with one one hand on each side, shiro bunches material underneath keith with hard shoves of his fingers, outlining the shape of keith’s arms from shoulders to mid-forearms. all the while saying: ]
And we burrito. [ though, this isn’t much of a burrito, is it? he can’t exactly roll keith into the blanket. so, he’ll laugh and amend: ] Or I guess this would be better called enchiladaing.
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even more depressing when you consider porn prison is the first "break" they've gotten from dealing with existential, nihilistic threats to the cosmos.
the thoughts should really be more bothersome, and yet as soon as shiro starts digging his fingers in to smoosh as much blanket under his body, keith and rolls his eyes affectionately. ]
Now you're just making me hungry, Shiro.
[ how long has it been since he's stuffed an enchilada in his mouth anyway? yet another thought best not had at all. ]
You're supposed to make me want to stay in bed, not entertain thoughts of slipping into dietary.
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the question has hardly formed and certainly hasn’t been answered by the time he shifts his gaze to keith’s face. seeing the affection there eases that sudden bit of tension and then he’s piggybacking on the joke, clicking his tongue. ]
Hey, no.
[ blanket abandoned, shiro’s got two free hands; look out. he’ll only be using one though, his left, to push his palm flat to the top of keith’s head and fan his fingers out to tangle and ruffle keith’s hair to oblivion. ]
Get those thoughts outta your head.
[ he gives keith’s hair another two ticks of destruction, just to thoroughly pulverize the thought out of his brain, before he relaxes and lets go. he’s grinning wide and shittily by the end of it, voice light. ]
We can pilfer dietary tomorrow. Sleep now.
1/3
but of course, it's never gonna be that simple ever again, huh? keith grins up, happy and yet feeling caught on some precipice. maybe the truth of it is that he doesn't want things to go back to the way they used to be. it's a daunting thought, but having shiro hover above him smiling down feels right in ways that are part mortifying and yet ... soothing?
he relaxes, shaking his head to let his bangs fall more naturally across his face. ]
You'll sleep with me, yeah?
2/3
I --uh.. [fuck. eyes wide, keith chokes on air, stammering through the sudden acceleration of his heart. ] Sleeping literally, I mean. You know. Like we both close our eyes and just do the normal falling asleep thing. Just.. together.
[< a beat.]
In the same cot. Even though it'll be kind of cramped and ....
3;3
..... I'm just going to stop talking.
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champion, leader of voltron. he’s accomplished and he’s proud; he’s done a lot more than a pubescent diagnosis initially prescribed for his future. right up there with all of that though? he counts stubborning his way past keith’s spiky, no entry, back the fuck off walls as a pretty impressive victory as well. right here, right now, he feelsblessed... lucky. he isn’t so narcissistic to believe he’s the only one who ever gets to see keith open and vulnerable, but there is something rare about keith stripped down to the soft aspects of himself, completely unapologetic in his happiness as he grins and laughs and –blurts out unfiltered questions.
shiro has just begun retucking the loosened edges of the blanket back underneath keith’s shoulders when the question comes. he pauses mid tuck and glances to keith’s face, curiosity furrowing his brow. it’s keith’s reaction that does him in. shiro feeds off of it immediately. keith’s all wide eyes, choked sounds and stammering words, and it’s impossible for shiro to not have his own heart kick up in its beats, face growing warm with every added explanation.
it should be working the opposite way, shouldn’t it? obviously keith hadn’t meant it that way, so why is everyone flustering here? because, the fact that it needs to be explained at all is telling in its own way. against all rhyme and reason, shiro’s mind drifts to the more perverse interpretation and – no. nope. that’s what got them into the whole mess from earlier. ]
I…
[ it’s a mistake. he should never start talking before he’s thought it through. he catches himself, but the one word hangs heavy between them, accompanied by shiro’s surprised, wide eyes and pinker cheeks. at least keith is too busy trying to hide to analyze whatever the hell it is shiro’s face is doing. though, keith hiding sobers him slightly and then he’s thinking, no, he doesn’t want keith’s happiness swallowed up by this. he misses that grin and that laugh already.
so, he holds the stare a beat longer and then exhales. ] Heh. [ he finally withdraws his hands, though one stays behind to playfully flick at keith’s ear. ] After all my hard work too. I think you just want an excuse to be de-encaladaed.
[ perhaps he’s trying too hard to smooth this over with a joke. but it’s the best he can manage in the immediate aftermath. he needs another fill of his lungs to gather himself – and to commit himself to the decision – but then he’s softening his voice and bleeding it dry of the teasing notes. ]
But okay. I can stay… if that’s what you want.
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heart thumping loud in his chest, he actually twitches when there's a flick at his ear, reflex making keith stop trying to hide to look before he's ready. he misses an obvious beat when shiro leads with an unexpected joke. the expected chastising for nonadherence to the normal bounds of their friendship either, despite shiro's earlier conclusion about wanting to stay as they are.
keith swallows, still a touch too nervous to relax entirely. words feel a little stuck in his throat, but he manages to speak in barely louder than whisper tones. ]
I want you to stay. But only if that's what you want too.
[ or maybe that's redundant? i wanted you too. stil do. shiro is full of contradictory sentiments and keith just can't fucking tell which ones are the ones shiro wants respected. even now trying to unpack it just makes him feel .. lost. he looks up, face still half smooshed into the pillow, one eye peeking through his bangs, waiting. ]
I don't... want you to stay if you feel obligated to.
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at this point, the least shiro can do is be honest. that’s what keith desperately wants from him. so he backs off. he gives up on his hovering and straightens up, regarding half-hidden keith for one, weighed moment. ]
I want to stay.
[ there’s confidence in the words; true genuinity that doesn’t leave much room for doubt. he knows he’s been confusing tonight, saying one thing, saying another, and then backtracking to the original offer, yet giving no concrete conclusion to any of it. in a perfect world, he’d pick for them to remain as they’ve always been: best friends. that’s easy and that’s familiar and it works. he’s beginning to realize though, that he can’t simply enforce his will on their friendship. there’s something brewing between them and the more shiro tries to ignore it, the worse off they become.
he can do this. he can try. it’s simple, yet tentatively intimate, and beneath all the worry and uncertainty, he does actually yearn for that closeness with keith. so, with that, shiro says nothing else and turns to action instead. he means it, honest, because look, he’s unzipping his vest and shrugging it off to toss toward the end of the cot, before sitting down to start unbuckling his boots. ]
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not for the first time, keith is a little lost for words. as much as it'd been hurtful to immediately be accused of diminishing shiro's importance, it's in thinking about words-action incongruity that he thinks maybe he can understand why shiro had been upset in the first place. mulling the thought over from that perspective, keith's expression falters,. he's glad that for the moment shiro can't see his face, and decides he wants it to stay that way just a little bit longer.
he rolls towards shiro, one arm raised taised to curl around shiro's waist from behind in a loose embrace. from there, his movements are tentative, but he presses his palm flat to shiro's belly and breathes out quietly; ]
Good. I want you too.
[ to stay? want shiro in general? both perhaps. the echo of the earlier sentiment comes far too late, keith realizes, but maybe it's better late than never. keith takes in a deeo breath and lets it out with a heavy sigh. ]
... but maybe we could just do things our way. You know. When things feel right.
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i want you too.
he hears to, not too. he doesn’t get any further than redundancy; thinking in terms of keith reiterating how he’d like shiro to stay the night. that is, until a sigh and a couple of words later, keith is clearly speaking of something else. it clicks and once again, his fingers go their own way; this time not fumbling, not tightening, but merely loosening in slow moving fragments, the boot losing stability bit by bit.
keith’s talking about the thing between them, isn’t he? why is it more frightening when it’s put into these terms? because… it has nothing to do with sentencing. that excuse is off the table. if they’re going at their own pace and dictating reactions based on what feels right for them, not by what the prison staff expects of them, then they’re doing this purely for themselves. that’s… not what shiro originally pitched it as to himself. is that what he truly wants? what about the emphasis on sentencing? what about getting out of here? what about the team? what about –
his fingers slack a movement too far and the boot slips free, hitting the floor with a thud. the noise knocks him out of his spiral and he blinks hard, staring down at his boots. he exhales slow and then, mustering movement, he lies his flesh hand over keith’s. he waffles between maybe and yes, and squeezes at the back of his hand. the longer he holds on, the further he leans into yes, only to topple into it completely when he twists, glancing over his shoulder at keith. this time, his breath is deep and his belly flutters under their combined hands, something in him losing stability at the sight of his best friend curled up close behind him. ]
Yeah. [ quiet, it’s more breath than word. his expression holds tense as he seemingly works through and comes to some sort of decision. in the next moment, he lets go of keith’s hand and he leans over, metal arm going to the bed on the other side of keith, to brace his weight. our way. when things feel right. it feels right to be close to keith right now and he nudge into his space, barricading him as shiro looks over the portion of his face he can see. ]
If we do this… it’s for us.
[ because they want it. not because these aliens have put them in a fucked up situation. it has to make sense for them, otherwise it isn’t worth the risk of muddling up their friendship. he brushes keith’s bangs with his other hand and holds them back against his head, revealing more of keith’s face for him. ]
Only us.
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honestly? it feels nice. it feels like a big fuck you to their alien overlords to take what's been forced onto them and contextualize it into something that has more meaning than finishing what coercion started between them. keith's smile is a small thing, but it's earnest in its sincerity. whatever this is, he likes it. he likes the way shiro's hand feels against his, the warmth of shiro's skin under his palm. feeling a flutter behind his ribs, keith holds eye contact and repeats: ]
Only us.
[ heh. said like that though, it all comes across rather solemn, huh? self conscious, he scoots as far back as he can to give shiro more space to lie down, and holds up the blanket for him to crawl under it is tragically, not much space at all.. ]
Heh. Not that this helps with the sentence situation, but the warden and everyone else can go fuck themselves.
the thread of the disappearing tablet and the changing outfits.
he shifts under the blanket, laughing softly to the… joke? half truth, half joke? that’s sobering, because no, not everyone. they still have their sentence sheets to figure out. whatever it is they’re exploring here doesn’t override their need to get out of this place and get back to voltron. he hesitates in clarifying dual objectives; selfishly, he doesn’t want to discuss it right now. he just wants to settle down and rest, rather than running the risk of upsetting this tentative agreement between them.
so he grins harder to one side and scoots in close. ]
Dunno about the others but the Warden probably does. [ a beat. ] Probably some sort of voyeur.
[ has to be! who comes up with these sentences and doesn’t get some sort of excitement, pleasure, pay off, whatever from getting alerts that inmates are performing? shiro wrinkles his nose, still grinning, but definitely regretting the suggestion. he shakes his head next and huffs, more or less ending that conversation by pushing right into: ]
But uh… like this or… this?
[ he hasn’t laid down yet. like this has him on his side, facing keith. it’s close, very close. the cot’s shoddy metal frame creaks as shiro flips around for this, now on his other side, back to keith. it’s keith’s bed, which is most comfortable for him? ]
shiro's magic powers: disapparing tablets, quic changing and blue balling
more than just that, actually. shiro scoots under the blanket and starts offering keith two very distracting choices between front and back, and keith blinks, inexplicably a little thrown despite this being the obvious next step in sharing the cot. maybe it's because having shiro trying to squeeze in beside him makes the issue of space that much plainer? face warming somewhat, keith shakes the thought that the cot hadn't seemed that cramped when shiro had been on top of ]
Oh um...either is fine?[ the question mark is readily audible. is it fine? ] Or I could turn around if you want as well?
if that pet sign event happens, shiro's title should be the blueballer
somehow, it’s not.
lying on his back is out of the question. the cot is too narrow and he’s too wide in the shoulders; he’d end up taking up far too much of the real estate here and forcing keith even further into the wall. facing keith is… an attractive prospect, if he’s honest. it sounds cozy in his head, but he’s not convinced it would be in execution. curled up on the edge of the cot with his back to keith is likely the most polite position. it gives keith privacy and room. it’s the position he’s in currently and so, indecisive as he is, he hasn’t bothered to shift out of it. he only moves marginally, tipping his shoulder back so he can half lean into a glance behind himself to keith. ]
No. [ wait – no? that is to say: ] I mean… unless you want to sleep facing the wall?
[ a beat, the tentativeness leaving his voice as he pushes for a more assertive: ]
How do you normally sleep? I’ll conform to you.
[ afterall, he's not here to be a bother or make things more difficult. isn't he here to do the opposite? ]
nah he's the holepuncher
Uh... on my side, facing away from the exit with my knife under my pillow and the wolf at my back?
[ speaking of which. ] Oh. I should put that away, huh?
[ looking sheepish yet again, keith sits up to pull the sheathed knife out from under his pillow and tosses it over the foot of the cot where it lands by the rest of his armor. ]
Thanks for reminding me. But uh... you can sleep in whatever way is most comfy for you? I mean... you're bigger so, I can conform to you if you want.
imagine him having that sign and keith being like, holepuncher...? shiro: /sweats
as domesticated as keith is? he makes a rough, amused sound in his throat as the knife is tossed. right, no wonder keith and the wolf got along so well.
he makes another sound, softer this time, more contemplative. they keep circling the same thing and getting nowhere because of it: i’ll do what you want. the accommodating nature is touching, yet frustrating, only in that they’re manufacturing this feeling of walking on eggshells. so, shiro abruptly gives up on it. ]
This is comfortable.
[ is it precisely what he wants? not exactly. he’s bordering the edge, knees of his bent legs edging off if it. still not the most uncomfortable sleep he’ll have ever had, if he sleeps. he wonders if he should tell keith that he has trouble sleeping and doesn’t often go without waking or having a fit of bad dreams. no. he can see how that conversation would go and he doesn’t want to drag the mood down again, this time with a pity party. so he shoves his hand underneath the pillow and firms it up as he nestles his head fully into it. ]
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keith scoots himself a little lower in the bed, head hovering just above the freshly fluffed pillow. he holds the uncomfortable position for two ticks, contemplating his close up of shiro's undercut like that might give him privileged access to mindreading abilifies. he might as well be trying to reach keysmash for all the good this accomplishes.
he drops his head down and pulls the covers up his chin. again, he wants to ask a redundant question about shiro's comfort, but manages to jeep his mouth zipped. instead, his gaze drops back down to the inch of space left between them, tries to calculate how close to the edge shiro must be and decides -- fuck it.
he throws an arm over shiro's waist, tugging to draw him back further onto the cot and closer to him. ]
Come closer. There's room.
[ a beat. ]
... and tell me how you're doing here. For real, I mean, Not the sugarcoated "I'm fine" stoic leader crap.
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ah. taking full advantage of shiro’s lowered defenses, huh? he pauses, frown pinching his brow. a touch grumbly: ]
It’s not stoic leader crap. I mean it. [ a few words in and the frown loses strength, self-awareness pinging as he hears himself. horseshit, right? a little more sheepishly now: ] Mostly.
[ a pause follows, but only in speech. he sighs out afterwards and in lieu of admitting the, frankly, untruthfulness there, he offers an olive branch in the form of him scooting backward. their bodies brush and then press when shiro takes another inch with one last scooch. there, he settles. adjusting his hand under the pillow and resnuggling the side of his face into it, shiro relaxes, marginally and slowly, exhaling a heavy breath before picking up where he should have begun. ]
Just… [ he wavers, hesitating. ] I didn’t think I’d be a prisoner again.
[ it’s an answer, yet not one. how is he doing; he can’t answer it directly. he doesn’t want to. he doesn’t want to openly admit that despite his push to cooperate and make due with the situation they’ve found themselves in, he isn’t actually as put together as he’s trying to present himself as. everyone on the team is having such a hard time, someone has to be the anchor.
but this is keith. and faking it around keith never seems to last. ]
Feels like I just escaped the last time. [ he laughs softly at that, the sound hollow. ] I know things are better here than they were with the Galra but… you know…
[ and he trails off, not knowing how to put it into words. ]
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shiro's never said much about his time in captivity with the galra. in some ways, maybe he never had to. if a picture is worth a thousand words, then the many scars on criss crossed on his best friend's body are an entire unspoken odyseey of self-explanatory horror. thinking about it, it's messed up isn't it? keith and shiro haven't had the chance to properly decompress what happened that year, and now somewhere back in his own reality, that may never happen just on account of the trauma of the clone's existence. and maybe even that will just pass on along as yet another unspoken horror simply because the war is unending and who knows what the next bit of psychologixal damage will be?
it's an impotent wish at best, but keith hopes that whatever it is, the universe is done chewing on shiro and will finally cut him a break.
but maybe it never will. from galra prison to porn prison, shiro really does have the most messed up shit happen to him, huh? lost for words, keith unconsciously tightens his grip around his best friend's waist, forehead bumping lightly against the back of his head. ]
I'm sorry. [ the response is just about the lamest thing in the world and keith grimaces yet again for the fucking platitude. ] I wish the universe could have sent you somewhere nice for a change. I can't think of anyone who deserves to be relaxing on a beach more than you.
[ keith laughs, quiet and a little bitter. ]
...I just want you to know that you can talk to me. If there's anything I can do to make this place even a little less terrible for you, you know I'd do it in a heartbeat. Whether that's us talking or me finding you something to punch ...or you know. Helping with sheets.
[ voice going quiet, keith trails off and swallows. ]
We're in this together, okay?
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he hates this. he’s been telling himself from the beginning that this prison is easier. better. freewill is similarly stripped but there’s some leeway in their ability to live. the food is a wildcard and the occasional prison wide hijinx stirs the pot, but aside from that, they get to choose the who, the what, the where and the when in accordance to their community service. a few one night stands isn’t so bad, not when shiro’s lived through a sentence that’s involved murder and experimentation.
but it’s starting to wear on him, especially when he thinks too heavily about the team. he doesn’t want this for them. if he could, he’d take on their sheets and have them sent back to their own realities.
… at least, that’s what he tells himself.
he’s not supposed to be comforted by everything keith is saying. it’s not far off from shiro’s own pep-talks: we’re a team, we stick together, come to me if anyone or anything gives you trouble. he’s supposed to be stronger than needing to hear it directed at him. it touches deep though, every word’s weight is aided by the forehead against him and the arm around him. shiro feels – grounded. secure, almost, like it’d actually be okay to not be okay, because keith has him.
so would he actually take on keith’s sentence and have him sent away if given the chance? the answer isn’t as clear as it had been a month ago. all at once, the thought rips that feeling of stability out from under him and to compensate, he grabs with his left at keith’s hand. he squeezes it there at his belly, holding tighter, eyes still closed and teeth chewing at his bottom lip.
okay, is his line. that’s all he has to say and then maybe he can divert to a goodnight that’ll end any further discussion. but his voice whispers low: ]
Will you think less of me if I say I’m glad you’re here?
[ because shiro thinks less of himself. it feels selfish. feels gross. he hates that keith is here, being forced into vulnerable moments… but a part of shiro is grateful too. keith being here makes this place a little less terrible. ]
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it's been years now, but keith still vividly remembers the day he'd learned about shiro's muscular dystrophy years after the fact of them spending all that time together racing in the desert when shiro could have and probably should have been resting aching muscles. heh. shiro's never really been the sort to open up at all -- not about anything that truly weighs him down. it's messed up to find even a pinprick of comfort in this shiro being every bit as stubborn about himself, but the fact of the matter is that this moment here with his best friend covering up his hand and talking earnestly makes keith happier than he knows what to do with.
his own head clear of the angry buzzing from earlier, keith actually manages a laugh -- a soft, airy thing that tickles the back of shiro's ear. ]
Heh. Doubt there's much you could do to get me to think less of you, Shiro.
[ for better or for worse. even when keith had been convinced the clone was the real shiro and that the real shiro had been trying to kill him, he still earnestly believed in shiro. he wonders though, if something like that is more burden than comfort to hear. keith shifts a little lower, nose pressed to shiro's neck, his lips less than an inch away from touching skin. ]
You have no idea how glad I am you're here, too.
[ and no idea just to what lengths keith would go to follow shiro wherever it is. whether that happens to be porn prison or off the edge of a collapsing platform into oblivion. ]
Even if I still think you should be on a nice beach with a pina colada.
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funnily enough, he doesn’t judge keith for saying the exact same thing shiro has been berating himself over: keith’s glad he’s here too. it surprises him, not so much the sentiment itself, but the fact that keith says them. if he’s not judgemental of keith… he can't be judgmental of himself, can he? that’s the reasoning. it’s difficult to argue against it, especially when his focus keeps drifting to the nose pressed against his nape and breath fanning across. if they’re selfish and needy when it comes to each other, is it okay? does it balance out?
he’s on the fence, still stubbornly unwilling to let himself be comforted to some sort of conclusion but then there’s that last bit that’s disjointed from the seriousness of the rest. it pushes shiro right off that fence and before he knows it, he’s huffing an amused sound and knocking back his foot, pushing it between the lay of keith’s legs in some sort of retaliation for making him laugh. ]
There is a beach here.
[ a crappy one that may or may not have actual sea monsters waiting offshore. relaxing his hold on keith’s hand, he draws his up, skimming along keith’s wrist and forearm, ending a few inches shy of his elbow as shiro twists marginally, not quite turning to toss a glance over his shoulder to keith. he merely turns his head, looking to the ceiling, but with the angle, his voice carries more clearly. ]
Maybe Dietary has the fixings for piña coladas. We can snatch those too when we get the enchiladas tomorrow.
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suddenly drinks on the beach and enchiladas are the last things on keith's mimd, but he swallows and tries to get back into the established momentum of conversation. ]
Oh...
[ okay so maybe attempt #1 falls flat on its face. attempt #2 goes marginally better. ]
... I hope so. It'd be nice to just hang out. We haven't done that in... [ a good while, huh? ] ... well since you got here. [ a beat. hanging out with shiro and pretending to have some degree of freedom isn't remotely like the high intensity chases out in the desert where they truly were just wild and free, but all the same.... ] ...I'd really like that.
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it’s a miserable thought. it carries all the potential to drag shiro’s mood down. all he has to do is let it. though, what good would that do other than further proving he’s undeserving of being keith’s closest friend? focusing on that, shiro forcibly clings tight to the happy uptick in conversation and continues to run with it. ]
I would too. [ a pause. a playfully firm: ] So that’s what we’ll do.
[ enchiladas and piña coladas… neither are meant to be taken seriously and yet, here shiro is, onboard and willing to try their luck in pilfering dietary. so much for play by the rules, don’t get in trouble, huh? the risk of getting a slap on the wrist is worth it if it means giving shiro a distinctive timeframe in which he can point to and say that is the last time he and keith did something fun together. ]
By the way… [ since he has a leg draped over him now, pinning his foot, shiro will retaliate by abducting his knee to jostle keith’s leg. he laughs gently. ] I hope you know how to make enchiladas, because I don’t.
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Don't have a clue.
[ after getting booted from the garrison, keith had been forced to start being fairly resourceful when it came to food. he can cook, sure, but spending money on a lot of ingredients at the grocery wassn't exactly sustainable from week to week. trapping and hunting had definitely come in handy again in the quantum abyss, though needless to say that hadn't been cooking from a recipe either. all in all, it's been.. a while since keith's tried making a proper step=nnu=step recipe meal, but... ]
As long as you're not handling any kitchen equipment, I'm sure it'll go fine.
[ he gives shiro's belly a playful patpat with his palm before reaching up to playfully flick shiro's prosthetic arm. ]
But maybe we could use your arm as a grill.
[ part joke, part not, keith lightly skims his fingers over shiro's chest before settling it back on his stomach. ]
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it’s a messy shifting of limbs but shiro is determined to face keith head on, grin, and huff: ]
Brat. [ head to the pillow, he’s got some space between their faces. he‘s undeterred by the closeness, likely due to him still chasing the joke, because in the next moment, he’s mimicking keith with a flick, though his lands at keith’s shoulder. ] My arm isn’t a hotplate.
[ he laughs again, softer this time. ]
… But I’ll admit, I’m kinda curious to see if we can make it work.
[ a pause. then he’s tutting, voice gone sarcastic: ]
Oh, excuse me, I mean see if you can make it work. [ he can only be blind to it for so long: the proximity is dawning on him. it has him feeling warm and… oddly reckless. they agreed to this. this is fine. he can look at keith slyly and finish the joke, there’s nothing wrong with their legs still all tangled up and shiro’s arm now hooking over keith’s, settling on the bed behind him. ]
I’m just the kitchen equipment and you’re the one handling me… that’s the deal, right?
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You can be whatever you want, Shiro.
[ for as long as keith can remember, that's something shiro's always fought relentlessly for. keith will be damned if he starts trying to tell shiro what he can or can't be in the kitchen. expression fond, he catches shiro's flicky fingers and holds them in his hand. ]
But I'd like to handle you. In the interest of preventing a fire. [ a beat. ] If you'll let me anyway.
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the slight befuddlement eases and he picks up ground on his amusement again, oddly charmed by the lack of clapback. he sounds so serious, so earnest. like there’s something more meaningful going on here beyond a few dumb jokes. shiro’s expression shifts again, this time following in the wake of keith’s own. keith goes soft-eyed, shiro goes soft-eyed. keith goes fond, shiro goes fond. feeding off of the affection so freely offered to him, shiro feels warm and sobered, the teasing gone from his voice as he breathes out: ]
Yeah. [ keith took the first initiative, and shiro cleans up with the second: he angles his fingers and stretches them through, fitting them in between keith’s for a lacing that has their palms pressing flush together. ]
I’ll let you.
[ and he shifts, not more than a nuzzle closer across the shared pillow, smiling sweet. another beat and then he huffs; unfortunately, he can’t resist it entirely. it being the need to say: ]
But I think it should be pointed out that someone here did start a fire recently and it wasn’t me.
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Hey. I didn't do anything wrong. You're the one who works maintenance now. If there's another electrical fire due to faulty wiring, it's all on you now.
[ he laughs, holding eye contact for as long as he can until his chest starts to feel like it might burst with some unnamed feeling and averts his eyes to shiro's collarbone, smiling turning entirely sheepish. ]
I'll accept an apology on behalf of your department any time now.
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okay, wait, backtracking that thought. shiro should give himself more credit; he isn’t that bad. at the very least, keith seems to be receptive to it, if that duck out, break of eye contact and accompanying smile are anything to go by. both have shiro feeling a little victorious and a lot airy. when things feel right, he keeps rounding back to that thought, letting it guide him as he takes their combined hands, nudging interlaced knuckles gently to keith’s chin in a wordless, eyes up here.
if he’s going to make an apology, keith ought to look at him, yeah? he laughs softly, trying to sober his voice, but ultimately failing in keeping the humor out of it. ]
I’m sorry a portion of your hideous orange wardrobe got singed. I know you were real broken up about that.
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.. heh. Well I suppose the part of my wrist that's more exposed thanks to your department's negligence can learn to forgive you eventually.
[ try as he might though, keith doesn't come remotely close to sounding serious. the grin won't wipe off his face and for that matter neither will the shy shyness about his eyes. with those fingers still nudged under his chin, it's impossible to know where to look. down gives him a full glance at shiro's lips and that's ... ah, probably not where he ought to be looking. huh? keith glances back up again, giving shiro's hand another squeeze. ]
You know. With good behavior.
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… mostly?
he isn’t quite sure if he is. he thinks he should be, but his hand is firm in keith’s and his gaze is full of pretty, laughter-touched eyes that flutter with the barest hint of shyness. before he knows it, his thoughts find their way back to the tablet and the list waiting there. no aftercare and no kisses. it’s baffling. it’s wrong. and briefly, shiro wonders if keith has ever done this with anyone else: gone shy and wanting, peeking at their mouth but making no move to claim the soft kind of affection he deserves.
righting a supposed wrong isn’t a good reason to shift closer. shiro’s stolen inch, the one that has their noses almost brushing isn’t solely due to that. when things feel right. there’s that too, but it isn’t quite strong enough for shiro to bridge the gap entirely on his own. instead, he nuzzles into the pillow and allows a laugh to slip into his voice. ]
Sounds like that could take awhile.
[ their hands are still butted underneath keith’s chin. shiro relaxes the clasp. though doesn't let go, flicking out his index finger to brush just that much more along the line of his jaw. ]
Anything I can do to sway that forgiveness faster?
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everything is meantt o be at their own pace, withouany buckling to outside pressure to complete sheets or yielding to aphrodisiaic. in some ways, maybe it's harder to look at his best friend and own the fact that he likes shiro's hanx touching his face and clasping his. that it makes him fluttery to know shiro is looking at him with that smile while their legs and tangled. when aphro had been involved, keith had been able to disown it. he doesn't know how he would even begin to excuse the fact that he'd been thinking of shiro and his dick while bending over for a stranger, so he hasn't tried to -- and perhaps that's for the best. every time his thoughts slip even fractionally in that direction, keith is left trying to scrub his head blank and empty.
he catches himself doing that right now, blinking hard through the hopeful swoop in his chest. would it even be right to act so familiar with a shiro who might technically not even be his? ... not that shiro had ever been his. keith mulls it over for a beat, before deciding he doesn't want to anymore. he steals another look down at shiro's lips, now a little glossier somehow and is slow to look back up.
how can srhio win back his forgiveness faster? it's meant to be a facetious question. in fact, this entire conversation about enchiladas and pina coladas had beennothing but jokes standing in for... something. frowning very slightly, keith leans in a quarter inch closer until their noses touch. ]
You could keep smiling at me like that.
[ is that too much? keith doesn't know. but it'd been a long two years without his best friend in the quantum abyss and an even longer fight in the abandoned facility. native some part of him will always be worried about shiro -- the one with a full head of white hair and a clone's body, but seeing the WAY THIS SHIRO SMILES, IT GIVES KEITH SOME HOPE. ]
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emotion fills him then, both of which are nebulous, yet conflicting. first, there’s the gentle wave of affection that isn’t at all new when it comes to keith. it’s reactionary at this point; he feels it in varying levels every time he spends any amount of time with his best friend. here, it’s wrapped up in syrupy sweetness, the extent of it warming him from the inside out leaving him feeling unbalanced, even though he’s lying down and curled. it’s like that sometimes; he isn’t so bold to say this is adoration, but keith’s looking at him and speaking to him in hushed tones, so genuinely happy with the show of shiro’s barest effort. precious, is a word that comes to him then, though he can’t say if he means to direct it at their friendship or at keith himself.
either way, he feels protective in the moment and sorry too. disappointed, fits better. it’s strange to be touched by keith’s modest nature while simultaneously being frustrated by it. or more specifically, frustrated with himself for it. is keith that easily satisfied or has shiro given him the bare minimum so frequently in the recent past that he’s grown to want nothing more? makes sense, shiro just barely worked through accepting the idea of helping keith through his first time bottoming, only to completely shut down when it didn’t pan out the way shiro had anticipated.
it’s different now though. now, like so much time has passed. they have their feet tangled, fingers laced and faces close, so close… yet keith doesn’t follow shiro’s thoughts down the route of sentence sheets. he doesn’t ask for a kiss. it has shiro disappointed and then confused as to why he’s disappointed. ]
You’re making it too easy for me.
[ the words slip out without thought. you didn’t a few minutes ago, sounds off in his mind. with how they are currently, it’s difficult to even remember how keith laid into him hard. inevitably, no matter how bad things get, keith makes things easy for him, whether through supporting him through difficult situations or being more forgiving of shiro’s barriers, more so than anyone else. point is, this is easy and natural, and while that’s good, part of shiro can’t understand why he’s being given a free pass. ]
I’m not doing anything special. This is just how I look at you.
[ funnily enough, he’s not holding up his end of the bargain. the smile is still there, but it’s dimmed to something softer, something carrying a twinge of confusion. ]
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shiro isn't lance. shiro wouldn't make fun of him for being confused or needing a bit of guidance in how to talk, but there's a stubbornness to keith that refuses to cede ground to the doubt swirling in his head about whether or not he really knows how to engage with his best friend. ]
But you're the only one who looks at me like that.
[ and perhaps just as importantly, the only one that a soft smile from well and truly matters. at the end of the day, keith knows there are plenty of people in his life now who would be happy for him and care about his well being. krolia, for one. the other paladins as well. but he knows tha they'll be okay, with or without him. for a while, he'd thought the same about shiro -- that maybe it was just keith who needed or wanted him, but somehow he's not show of that anymore.
not because shiro can't stand up for himself or doesn't have the willpower to muscle through any challenge in his way, but because keith's suddenly unsure of who it is that shiro would go to. who shiro might smile for in that warm way that makes the rest of the universe tune out like scatterings of white noise. does keith even wantthis is?
keith doesn't dare qualifying that placeholder. he holds shiro's gaze despite wanting to look away. there's so little space between their faces at this point that even the tiniest breaths are puffs of warm air he can feel on his lip. still, he doesn't dare to close that miniscule gap -- not yet. not until after he's clarified one thing: ]
... and the only one that makes me want to smile back.
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but it’s much the same, as far as he can tell. hell, a few hours ago, lance was letting slip that he and keith were at odds. so maybe it is true. maybe keith isn’t getting the attention and care he is due. care? aftercare? his mind jumps from one word to the next and again, he’s thinking of the sheet and how it isn’t at all right how keith is given so little.
guess that’s where shiro comes in then. if no one else can open their eyes and see past the surly resting face, the bad hair, and the awkward, stilted socialization, to appreciate how magnificent keith is at the core, then fine, shiro will fill the void. that jubilant confidence is talked down almost immediately; shiro can never quite escape falling prey to his own perceived shortcomings. ]
I wanna keep you smiling. [ this close, the fall of his smile is difficult to see. his voice gives him away though, it turning wistful through the murmur: ] Wish I could.
[ but despite all his best intentions, he isn’t the greatest of friends, is he? he’s hurt keith quite a few times. kerberos comes to mind, almost dying does too. then there’s all the secrets and moments in which shiro has been unwilling to open up, this last month included. shiro’s got the rep of being great at taking care of people, like some ridiculous space dad, but that’s only due to him having an open ear and a practice for pep-talks. the truth of the matter is he doesn’t know what he’s doing. ]
You deserve to be happy. [ shiro’s the one to shy his gaze away. there is no pull away, he’s too selfishly attached to the gentle pressure of keith’s nose against his. but he does close his eyes, finding comfort in it. ] I want you to be happy.
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what timeframe is shiro even talking about? in general? while they're here? back home? the future? wish i could has such a defeatist undertone to it that carries finalith that keith doesn't like the second he's processed it. shiro hasn't come out and said it, but could implies an unspken but can't that keith tries not to hear. regardless, shiro isn't responsible for his happiness, much less does he need to be the sole reason for it. keith pauses, looking at the way shiro's dropped eye contact and feels a pit forming in his stomach. ]
Why can't we?
[ the question slips out of him before judgment catches up to him. why they can't be happy is largely self evident, isn't it? they're stuck in a fucking human trafficking sex hole masquerading as an intergalactic prison with seemingly no means of escape and beyond this they have an uncertain future with a long war ahead. kicking himself mentallyy, keith too looks away embarrassed and inches back, downcast. ]
...stupid question. Never mind.
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he feels keith shift, nose grazing as he slips away. don’t do it whispers into his thoughts but he can’t say who it’s directed toward: keith for moving away or shiro, with the reflex of fluttering his eyes open. doesn’t matter in the end, both of them follow through in each. he’d been shying away from keith’s gaze moments ago and now that he opens his eyes to find keith’s downcast, he feels – sad? desperate. unbalanced on the rush, he formulates words without thought. ]
I’m sorry.
[ their faces are still so close, far closer than they’ve ever dared outside of this evening, but it doesn’t feel right, not like before. shiro did that. he didn’t follow through and give keith the one thing he asked for. he let the smile slip. ]
I think I’ve said too much. [ or too little. he muscles down another grimace and then forces a huff of a laugh that doesn’t hit its mark. ] Ignore me. It’s the exhaustion speaking.
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Wait.
[ wait. like shiro was actually going somewhere when they're still locked in close. the embarrassment prickles at the edges of his awareness before keith muscles through the unpleasantness with a more restrained: ]
Not literally, obviously. I mean... [ fuck. he closes his eyes and heaves a deep breath. ] Okay, I don't know what I mean. But you don't have to be sorry. I was thinking in my head that I just want you to be happy too.
[ he opens his eyes, looking both sheepish and a little crestfallen. ]
I should have just said that. [ he swallows, then abandons eye contact once again. ] ... I guess I wish I was better at that too.
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he’s rambling now. he’s working through what he means as he’s saying it and even if keith hadn’t told him to wait, shiro would have been helpless to do anything other than that, because the earnestness to set things right is a little awe-inspiring. by the end of it, shiro feels the loss of that gaze again and he feels humbled. look at the two of them; both so tangled up in their own heads about wanting to make the other one happy. it’d be funny if it weren’t equally distressing. something this simple shouldn't be so complicated, so why is it?
the question needs answering but shiro’s already falling to old habits. shiro does what he always does: shies away from picking too deeply at the real issue and sugarcoats it with a flippant voice. ]
I’m a difficult case. [ so not keith’s fault. it’s said like a joke, his smile wry. it’s only afterwards that he thinks, stupid, that isn’t the way to answer that. grimacing, he tilts his foot against keith’s, ignoring the knock of those ankle monitors. ] But there’s no one better at it than you.
[ a little reluctantly, he tugs his hand out of keith’s grip and lets go, only so he slip his arm around him, hand pressed to his back. ]
For the record? [ and he holds him in. they were already close, so there isn’t much space to gain, but the anchoring of his arm has him feeling warmer and feeling nervous, like this might be too bold. nonetheless: ] I’m happy right now and it’s all your doing.
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where the joke hadn’t landed before, the added commentary does settle some of the uncertainty roaming around in his head. he smiles then, entirely reflexive in his quiet relief and slowly releases his hold on shiro’s shoulder. with even less space between them now than ever however, keith isn’t entirely sure of where he ought to be putting his hand. any lower would mean touching shiro’s chest, but higher would mean touhing his face and neither of thoe options souns as neutral as keepign his fingers perched lightly on that tank topped shoulder. ]
Heh.
[ slowly, carefully keith puts his newly freed hand on the hollow of his throat, nervously tapping his collarbones. ]
… well I guess we should go to sleep before that changes again. Wouldn’t wanna ruin a hard won victory.
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i’m a difficult case.
right. that’s what shiro said. and it’s true. he is difficult. even now, he’s fighting against the peace offering, wanting to make things better while running the risk of making them worse. it’s fuck-knows o’clock and shiro’s dragged an exhausted keith through enough verbal spars tonight. maybe it’s time he stop agonizing over the details and yield. ]
Yeah. Okay.
[ he smiles in answer, hoping it makes up for the less than stellar response. he doesn’t remove his arm and he doesn’t scoot back. the line of keith’s spine is easy to find when he’s wrapped up in a skintight bodysuit; shiro’s fingers flutter against it, tracing up and down in a few inch span. he draws in a deep breath and closes his eyes on the exhale. ]
Are you comfortable like this? [ after it’s asked, he mentally rolls his eyes at himself. it’s another set-up for a back and forth. they already discussed this. except, that ended with shiro facing away, not chest to chest, faces close and shiro’s arm laying heavy over keith to anchor him in. to get ahead of the question he knows will be coming, he abruptly tacks on: ] I’m comfortable like this.
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because even now, he's mot entirely sure he could ever really feel as relaxed with anonymous if the guy ever indicated an interest in lying together like this after the fact. ... then again, maybe it's just that shiro is different. a class all on his own. tentatively and with a look fo shyness, keith relaxes his hand and loosely drapes an arm around shiro's shoulder to entwine just that much closer. ]
Yeah, I'm comfy.
[ he moves his face a quarter inch closer again, the tip of his nose just brushing shiro's. ]
It's the first time I've ever slept with someone like this. It's kinda nice.. even if a little cramped.
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bad move. he shouldn’t be picturing keith disheveled or sex flushed or anything when their bodies are pressed in close. certainly not when keith’s nose is brushing his again, his small puffs of breath fanning the minimal space between them. shiro’s lips part on the next breath and pull in air, thinking of how it’s shared and if he really focuses, maybe there’s a hint of taste –
he squeezes his eyes a little more forcibly closed, huffing to expel that shared breath. this isn’t shiro’s first time by any means, but it’s been a long time since he last did this. here, he’s upsetting himself over the thought of keith stumbling away after relations and yet, that’s all shiro’s done too since arriving here. god, he’s clearly more starved for soft, sleepy affections than he would have ever dared to think. ]
A little. [ but yes, nice. he laughs to cover up the direction of his thoughts, eyes still closed and fingers ending their caress. ] Go to sleep, Keith. Dream of a bigger bed. You’ll forget all about me being here… hogging all the space.
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he couldn't say for sure whether or not shiro is thinking along similar lines. maybe he is, considering they were talking about anal together earlier, but the thought only makes the squirmy feeling in keith's stomach bloom and curl his toes. a little guiltily, keith hastily clears his throat and half mumbles into the pillow. ]
The point is that I'm sharing the cot with you. [ implied: so why would i want to forget? face warming for the umpteenth time, keith holds his breath for two beats, then releases it slowly. ] ... I like it.
the icon is a lie
shiro cracks his eyes open on the thought, staring through half-lidded eyes at keith’s too close face. silently, he lists off the wordless hints that he’s been too ridiculous to notice for what they are. bodies close, arms draped, feet tangled, noses brushing, space gone – there’s also a quiet i like it that taps awake his resolve. keith’s been indicating this whole time that he’s open to it, hasn't he?
yeah, he’s been looking at this all wrong. maybe keith hasn’t been properly kissed because others are as stupid and blind as shiro is. maybe they’re all hesitating too, even though keith’s done everything right by meeting them – him – halfway. more than halfway. all shiro has to do is tilt his face a few slivers closer and there, done, someone will have finally given keith the small token of affection that he deserves.
thinking it is one thing, doing it is another. he’s motivated though. even a little chastised. if no one else is going to take care of keith, then shiro will. it’s easier when it’s framed like that and so, the honesty keeps, a few seconds delayed – ]
I like it too.
[ – being breathed between them. confidence builds and he follows through by arcing across the pillow to press his lips to keith’s. one – he holds his breath. two – he forgets to close his eyes. three – his arm tightens around keith, even while his mouth remains butterfly light. onto the fourth beat and he eases off the gentle pressure, only then closing his eyes as he settles back on the pillow. if there’s a cue here to talk about what he just did, shiro misses it and instead only murmurs a soft: ]
Goodnight, Keith. Sweet dreams.
omg you lied to me
goodnight? sweet dreams?
keith laughs without completely meaning to. part incredulous, part helpless outlet for the amplified jittery, tingling feeling, keith starts talking before he has any idea of what he actually wants to say. ]
Did you just...
[ kiss me? he trails off after hearing his own hopefulness unfiltered in voice. there aren't many ways to misinterpret four whole beats of gentle lip to lip contact, but surely if that's how shiro meant it, there would be some acknowledgement afterwards? maybe? yes? no? second guessing wildly, keith flushes and clears his throat. he isn't able to stamp out his jubilance, but his tone is a little more subdued all the same as he gently curls his fingers along the small of shiro's back. ]
I mean... sweet dreams? [ shit, why is that a question again? keith clears his throat a second time, then hastily closes his eyes before this turns into a conversation he's not entirely sure he's capable of handling right this moment. what does it even mean if friends kiss to say good night just because they can? and putting that aside, does this mean shiro thinks kissing feels right? warmth buzzing pleasantly under shiro's hands, keith tucks himself in just a little closer, ducking his head to rest under his best firend's chin. ]
Night, Shiro.
un: capncook | text
Still up for busting that truck out?
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course i'm still up for that
let's meet up by the shed in 10?
i got an idea
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Hell yeah man, let's fuckin do this shit
[ And ten minutes later, he's at the shed as promised, poking at it with a vague frown. There don't seem to be any obvious weak points that he can see, but hopefully whatever Keith's idea is will get them inside without alerting the authorities. ]
jesus i'm sorry about the late on this
Hey.
[ keith gives a nod in greeting as he approaches the shed, then turns his attention to the heavy bolt and chains keeping the shed locked. while those look sturdy enough, the wood around it? not so much.then again, there's also a window higher up that they could probably crack open if one gave the other a boost up. keith frowns, weighing the two options before turning to jesse. ]
So. How do you wanna get in? If you gave me a boost, I could probably break open that window or we could just screw subtlety and get in through the door.
[ because well. there's really there won't be much subtlety once they get the truck out. ]
no problem!
Hey.
[ He nods in return, then follows Keith's lead, studying the chains like...well, like he has any idea what he's doing or looking at. A quick glance at the window up above has him frowning thoughtfully. They're both pretty skinny, but it still looks like it might be a tight fit. He glances at Keith curiously, with a helpless shake of his head. Those chains look pretty unbreakable to him. ]
Get in the door how?
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[ which alone isn't much of an explanation, but give him a second. keith closes his eyes, focusing for a moment. a beat, then out of nowhere this steering wheel contraption appears in keith's right hand. he holds it up, then activates it turning iit into a sword. keith grins, then jerks his head back towards the chains. ]
My bayard should be able to cut through the chains, but even if it couldn't... it can definitely get through the wood it's holding together. Chains are only as secure as what they're holding together, y'know?
[ ofc the fact that he's saying any of this probably gives a good amount of insight into why keith is actually here besides "mullet." ]
So. What do you think? Flashy or sneaky way in?
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Holy shit!
[ Jesse jumps back, eyes wide. What the fuck had he just seen? He blinks, staring as if expecting the sword to disappear, and then creeps closer, peering at it. But it seems just as solid and real as Jesse and Keith themselves, and really, is there more than one answer here? He flicks his eyes back up to Keith, and then grins, wide and devilish. ]
Uh, you kidding? Let's cut this place wide open.
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shooting jesse an equally devilish grin, keith laughs. ]
You're on. Let's make these assholes sorry for ever having brought us here in the first place.
[ and with no further hesitation, keith raises his sword and with a few quick slashes that make it abundantly clear that this whole breaking and entering gig is definitely something he's done before, the wood around the chains breaks apart and the door to the shed creaks open. ]
C'mon!
[ the inside of the large shed is illuminated only by whatever light filters in through the windows, but there's a large workspace fillce with leftover gardening supplies strewn around, a large desk and a hook where a set of keys are dangling and of course, THE GRAND PRIZE:: THE RUSTY TRUCK. ]
BINGO.
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[ Jesse's not actually all that mad about being here, honestly. In a lot of ways - most ways, actually - it's better than the life he'd left behind.
But the fact is that they had been abducted and imprisoned here, and had aphrodisiacs costantly shoved at them on top of it. Even if things had happened to turn out all right for Jesse - at least so far - he's not above a little payback, just for the principle of the thing.
And apparently Keith's the perfect partner for just that exact thing. Jesse's eyes go wide and he laughs in pure amazement and admiration when Keith just whacks the whole thing open and the door creaks open. He hurries in after him, looking around curiously, but there's only one thing that can really catch his interest right now. Jesse grins wide when he spots the truck, and he snatches the keys off the wall, hesitating just long enough to glance at Keith, holding them up in one hand. ]
You wanna do the honors? Or...?
[ He's dying to get behind the wheel, but Keith had done the hard work of getting them inside, after all. It's only fair that he should get first dibs on driving, if he wants it. ]
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the offer actually makes, debating it for a beat, but... ]
Nah, you go right ahead. I'll take shotgun.
[ a beat. ]
Make sure you get as much fun out of this as you can cuz when it's my turn I'm gonna rig it up to crash into the barrier keeping us in. Wanna see how tough that thing is.
[ stating all this so nonchalantly like this is all part of a plan that jesse agreed to despite, you know, this being the first time this has ever come up. ]
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[ Jesse flashes him a grin, hopping behind the wheel. When Keith reveals his plan for crashing into the barrier, he doubletakes for a second, but he recovers quickly, laughing in delight. ]
Fuck yeah, man! Let's bust the hell out!
[ Sure, even if the truck manages to break through, they'll still be trapped on an alien planet, unless there happens to be a spaceship parked right outside the fence or something. But hell, they've already broken the lock and stolen the truck. Might as well make the most of it, right?
Speaking of which, Jesse's ready to make the most of things right away. As soon as Keith's settled in next to him, he sticks the keys in the ignition and floors it, careening out of the shed and onto the grounds. Luckily, the prison's not that populated, and the area they're in is deserted. There's plenty of room for a joyride, and Jesse pumps his fist in the air, yelling with joy as he starts doing donuts. ]
Yeah, bitch!
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keith gets maybe two nanoseconds to recover when the lady starts freaking out. so he probably owes her an explanation or three, but he's not above frowning before putting his hands up in some placating gesture of peace. ]
Look, lady. I'm not interested in hurting or doing anything else to you.
[ granted, considering the wolf's teleported them to his cube, maybe that's not wholly believable at face value but... ]
I was just trying to get you away from that creep. Who the hell is that guy anyway?
action, call of the wind event
So when the cemetery gates hang open in the mysterious fog, he goes into Mission Mode. Is it wise? Maybe not. Is it something else to occupy his brain? Definitely. He just has to check it out. He wishes he had any mission gear though.
And still, he is wandering through the gates, into the low visibility field awaiting him inside. Keeping himself close to gravestones as if looking for cover from gunfire, he proceeds--
and stops dead when a familiar silhouette stands in the middle of the path.
Good morning class, we have a special... a special... ah, what is... says the disoriented voice of Mrs Robinson from middle school. ]
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he'd thought walking this way would mean getting back to his cube from the commissary, but somehow he's managed to miss every indication to turn left at the housing and has instead marched right past the barbed wire fence he'd cut through ages ago to end up in the cemetery. annoyed, tense and hyper vigilant, keith has his knife drawn ready to jam the pointy end right at anything that might be a threat that emerges through the roiling fog.
what he hears is a threat alright, but not the kind he was expecting.
a familiar voice from one of his old nightmares echoes in the distance, making keith freeze in place. ]
Hello?
[ the call is tentative as he starts walking towards the familiar voice. fuck, this whole set up has the fishy smell of being a d-grade horror movie trap, but how is he not supposed to investigate? but disoriented as keith is, it's not as though he gets a real say in where he's going. he takes three steps towards the sound, feels more lost than ever and then practically jumps when he all but stumbles into griffin, only narrowly avoiding an actual collision. ]
What are you doing here? Where's the lad....
[ the question dies in his mouth as keith looks a little further ahead at the face of their former junior high teacher. ]
You're late, Keith. You'll last a week at the Garrison with this kind of disrespectful behavior. Unlike James. A model student, our James is. Such a special class we have today ..
[ too bewildered to be offended, keith looks to griffin. ]
The hell did you do?
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I didn't do anything--!!
[ He snaps back automatically, though the pitch of his voice betrays some panic. ]
Of course he didn't. [ says Mrs. Robinson, entirely unhelpfully.
James has a hard time taking his eyes off the woman. He hadn't thought about her much after middle school - a teacher among many. She praised him a lot and he was proud of that, but he'd always made sure to be extremely praiseworthy in front of any adult so it's not as though their old homeroom teacher had been particularly special.
It was only when the war started that she came back to the forefront of his mind. And then, it was only because her death was one of the few they could explicitly confirm. ]
... you're a ghost. You have to be. Please... return to your grave peacefully.
[ Is this what you say to a ghost? James feels as though he's reciting some stupid movie and he feels as though he also looks very stupid doing so, but what else is there to do? He doesn't know. He kind of wants to run, but that is out of the question. ]
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no -- of course, that's all just a trick of perception. in reality, keith's the one who outgrew his short kid stature and has seen creatures and entities far more intimidating than an underpaid middle aged school teacher.
but while keith is caught staring, griffin is prattling on about ghosts and graves and ... and keith is too blindsided by an immediate surge in irritation that griffin doesn't know that some of their fellow inmates are actually people who've died in their realities for the iimplication to infiltrate. ]
Griffin, you sound like a discount spirit medium. She could be a new prisoner.
[ which... is kind of disturbing on multiple levels actually?? keith makes a face, trying to look for any sign of an anklet. but then again, if she's a new prisoner, why isn't she in that horrible orange uniform? should he even be questioning that or is it simply a blessing that he doesn't have to look at his old teacher in booty shorts? ]
I'm exactly where I ought to be, James. Right here, teaching my class. I'm not due to retire for many more years yet. You'll help me find my students won't you? I'm... afraid. For their safety. There was a terrible explosion outside....
[ she takes several steps forward, hands outstretched to take james by the arm. if he allows contact, he'll find her hands are cold and stiff. ]
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I've seen your body, I've seen your body, I've seen your body runs through his mind as he helplessly listens to a woman who sounds so very very alive.
Her fingers touch him and he yanks away in the very same moment, a movement so violent that it's hard to believe it comes from him. The James of the past would have never treated a teacher this way, but the James of the present feels like screaming.
The apparition of Mrs Robinson seems to be as shocked as the real one might have been in the same situation. ]
My, what's gotten into y--
It's gone.
[ James is going for 'firm reality check' but again, his tone is a little off. ]
The school is gone. I'm sorry. There's nobody to find.
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keith's never known sendak to be anything but a piece of shit who splits opposing defenses by targeting helpless civilians. sendak wouldn't target earth's military bases only -- of course not. why woul he even havee to when earth's technology is so far eclipsed by what's om board a single galra cruiser?
knowing all that doesn't soften the impact. if the school building is gone, then the group hohome and every other place keith once would have described as hell on earth might now exist as rubble and in the synapses in his brain. is his dad's cabin gone too? it'd be far enough out of the way that keith thought maybe it could have survived, but....
no. there are bigger things going on here than a delayed onset existential crisis. like griffin having an apparent meltdown. ]
Griffin, you're just agitating her!
[ agitating. confusing. perhaps neither. whatever's going on in mrs. robinson's head, her expression stays strangely blank, like a movie reel that's reached the end of the film. ]
I found you and Keith. The others can't be too far away now.... Come on, James. We must find somewhere safe. Then we can continue our lessons, wouldn't you like that? The Garrison will sort out the explosions. Yes, the Garrison... we're not too far from the Galaxy Garrison.
[ again, she reaches for griffin's arm. ]
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He can't even explain to himself why he's so averse to her touching him - she's not trying to harm him, she is looking for support. Even if she is a ghost, doesn't she deserve that much? Hasn't she been enough part of his life that he owes her?
And still, her rigid hands make his hairs stand on end.
Mrs Robinson seems confused again, almost hurt,looking down at her own hands as if she is also wondering what is wrong with them. ]
Mrs Robinson. Were Keith and I in your class when the explosions happened? Please try to remember.
[ If she is a new prisoner, then this cannot possibly be true, right? There were no Galra attacks when the two of them were in school. She's mixing everything up.
The carbon copy of his former teacher still stares at her hands. ]
I... Of course, dear. You're the pride of our school. You've always been-- you're always in class, you never miss a day. Not like Keith.
[ "That's not the point," James thinks and it's a little funny because it used to always be the point.
Mrs Robinson turns to Keith, frowning. She seems to forget what to do with her hands, holding them unnaturally stiff in front of her even as she is no longer observing them. ]
Did you put him up to this? Have you been lying?
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The hell are you on? Has Griffin ever listened to me?
[ forget the fact that he'd just been telling griffin that their former teacher is confused and disoriented and should probably be approached with greater care. no, all of that goes flying out the window as soon as the ridiculous accusation leaves her mouth.
as bulletproof as keith's argument is, however, it only seems to solidify whatever narrative mrs robinson has built up in her head as she turns her scowling face towads him, hands long forgotten. ]
You ill-tempered child. You mustn't speak this way. Come. To the pincipal's office.
[ she lunges, grabbing at keith's wirst. the ice cold of her hand makes keith snap his arm away, but it isn't the only thing to snap. as he twists his arm free, there's a sickening pop as tendons snap in the older woman's wrists making her hand dangle uselessly .
keith blinks, horrified for a moment. mrs robinson stares as well, not quite comprehending the wrongness of her own body when she turns to james, flailing with her drooping hand. ]
He broke my hand......
[ and yet there's no cry of pain or anything else to indicate she's suffering in any real way. ]
Will you look at it for me?
Shiro / August Event
perhaps the one saving grace to being in solitary is that there aren't any windows. no windows in turn means that he can't see that ominous red glow from the lighthouse -- looking, searching for him. maybe that's not a consolation at all. maybe all it's doing is keeping him from knowing when or if whatever's looking for him will make an approach. the thoughts circle like vultures above carrion, and there's little keith can do but pace the five steps forward and five steps back in his tiny cell.
focus is what keith keeps telling himself. spiraling anxiety won't help anything. back in the quantum abyss there'd been plenty of days when keith thought they'd just be doomed to wander space forever. that he'd die without ever seeing another human face ever again. it's terrifying how easily those intrusive thoughts come crawling back to the surface with minimal provocation.
shiro, the wolf, his friends -- they're all out there just beyond this one door. keith tells himself as much, knowing he'll only be in solitary for a few more days, but when there's nothing to do but sit in mist induced fear, a few days feels impossibly long. keith curls up tight in the corner, arms hugging his knnes and head bowed an. when he gets out of here, maybe he'll try and talk shiro into cuddling under the covers for a day.
if.
and who's to even say shiro would want to? shiro's been through much worse than this during his time as a galran prisoner. who's to say the guy wouldn't look at this and think weak. keith looks up, haggard and growls at nobody in particular. ]
Shut it.
needlessly long per usual. also, assume kosmo can't teleport inside the cell bc alien bs magic
lounging on the cot stashed at the other end of the shipping container is the space wolf, who lifts his head and stares over at shiro. ]
Hey, boy.
[ only for the wolf to lay his head back down over his paws, snuffling loudly through his snout. okay. fair. ]
You’re still mad at me, huh? [ funny, it used to be the other way around between them. ] I’m sorry I dragged you off the bed.
[ shiro’s been good. shiro’s been patient, gracious and charitable, but there are only so many mornings that he can wake up to find that his spooning spot has been overtaken, somehow, by a space wolf, before he snaps. apparently, three mornings ago had been that limit.
oh well. he isn’t here to foster a truce between him and keith’s good boy. remembering that, shiro glances around the cube, looking for a clue as to where keith may have gone. the fact that his tablet is resting there on the counter and not off somewhere with keith is concerning, he supposes. he shouldn’t look, he knows he shouldn’t, but he justifies it by telling himself he only means to check if his message has been read. if it has, that would give him some sort of timeframe of when keith had been here last. will that help him any? maybe, maybe not, but seeing as he has so very little else to go off of…
he picks up the tablet and wakes the screen, only to find a different message already open.
misconduct.
misconduct.
ah. again?
perhaps there’s something humorous about keith being charged with grand theft auto given their history, but no piece of shiro feels like laughing. he reads over the verdicts and skims over the community services, blocking out the majority of it to solely focus on solitary confinement. that’s where keith is right now, huh?
shiro lets out a bone-weary sigh and places down the tablet, giving himself exactly ten seconds to do nothing else except breathe. it stems the panic, squashes the disappointment, softens the frustration, and by the last exhale, he’s equipped with patience, understanding, and step-one to a plan. ]
How about we make a deal? [ he walks over to the cot, watching the wolf’s ears flick toward him, even though his head doesn’t budge. ]
I’ll reinstate your bed privileges if you bring me to Keith. That fair?
[ apparently it is, because it doesn’t take long for the wolf to lift his head, look at shiro, and then shift his weight over, craning his head close in what shiro assumes to be a hold on. he does so by placing his palm on the wolf’s forehead and then zap, they’re gone, only to materialize in familiar surroundings. shiro winces, frowning. ]
… This is my cube. [ he’s standing by his bed, watching the wolf trot across the space and wondering if the wolf got confused with the bed talk. ] We really need to work on your sense of direc– hey.
[ the wolf is up on his hind legs, big paws on the counter and nose pressed forward, bumping through the little tower of ramen boxes shiro has amassed. sharp teeth catch at one package and then the wolf swings off the counter, coming back toward shiro with the cup of noodles dangling from his mouth. ]
You want some – oh. [ it just clicks. solitary confinement isn’t known for its five star accommodations. he steps closer and takes the ramen box. ] For Keith? [ he rips back the paper container, breathing out a heh. ]
Smart pup.
[ seemingly proud, the wolf’s tongue lolls out of his mouth and his tail swishes back an’ forth, knocking against shiro’s leg as he walks by. it takes some careful maneuvering with the hot plate, but shiro gets the cup of noodles filled and heated, soon turning back to the wolf. ]
Ready?
[ the wolf butts his head to shiro’s thigh and then they’re off again. it only takes a fraction of a moment. shiro blinks a few times in quick succession and takes in the thick, non-balsa wood door in front of him, gaze settling on the small, barred window. he steps closer, face craned in close to the bars to see someone very small and very defeated. ]
Keith… hey…
[ already, his heart feels heavy. seeing keith in any sort of distress isn’t easy. he makes an attempt for a smile and the softest of teases, wanting to brighten some of the dreariness. ]
Can’t stay outta trouble, can you?
schrodingers burning
within seconds, shiro's face is at the bars of the heavy door and while that alone would have been sufficient to make keith skip beats, hearing the click of nails and paws against the floor just outside pierces straight through the spectre of loneliness permeating the cell. ]
Shiro??
[ two syllables shouldn't be able to convey the amount of hopefulness that it does, but keith staggers to his feet. for all he knows, solitary and the fog combined are doing a number on his head, but that doesn't matter. he rushes to the door, hands pushing through the bars to try and touch. of course, he only gets as far as brushing the metal and yelping as burning shoots up his arm. ]
Ah!
[ he steps away, hissing and breathing through grit teeth as he shakes his unburnt hand repeatedly. he looks up, sheepish but no less longingly. ]
.... don't you dare tell me I should have been patient.
just. the ghosts flipped a switch and now all is in effect. gl lost, hunted, burning, naked keith
his eyes go wide and his mouth parts on a sound of shock, air soon filling his lungs on a sharp intake as he’s on the verge of asking the stupidest, more obvious question: are you okay? but keith looks up and shiro feels pinned down, both by the look itself and by keith’s easy nature. time and time again, keith has demonstrated a high level of pain tolerance, as well as resilience to endure even the most trying setbacks but…
he’s fine? what even happened? did he cut himself on an uneven bar, where the coating has peeled? is that even possible?
shiro frowns, momentarily thrown, and ends up defaulting to his initial concern. ]
Actually… I was gonna say you should’ve told me they were coming for you.
[ last time keith had. he wonders if there simply hadn’t been time between the messages and the retrieval, or if keith, for whatever reason, hadn’t felt it necessary to share the knowledge with shiro. he should’ve checked the timestamps of the messages; he hadn’t even thought to. now that he thinks to, though, he immediately feels worse for it. if he starts down that road of victim blaming… – he doesn’t want to get caught up in that right now. not when keith is still shaking his hand while standing in a tiny cell. ]
But hey, lemme see. What happened to – ah!
[ he’s a fool. he braces his flesh hand on the door as he tries to get a better, closer look inside the room and just like that, heat engulfs his fingertips and climbs high in a fraction of a moment, igniting the instinct to rip his hand away. he mimics keith almost entirely, except his jerk back and subsequent shaking of his hand jars his whole body, meaning he spills some of that cup of noodle. the space wolf whines next to him, not quite in the splash zone but near enough for him to start sniffing at the little puddle on the floor.
shiro barely gives him any mind, too busy now looking his flesh fingers over and seeing… nothing. they aren’t even red. he keeps on frowning, sending a suspicious glance to the door itself. ]
Did they rig this up?
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Shiro!
[ distinctly alarmed, keith takes another step closer to the door, this time keeping his hands pressed to his sides. the narrow view he gets through the bars of shiro standing there, shaking out one hand while holding a cup of ramen in the other while the wolf takes a curious lick at the spilled borth is such a welcome sight that keith is lost for words.
stupid. minutes ago, he'd been worrying that maybe shiro wouldn't understand, yet here he is with the wolf and food. ungrateful is the self-berating thought that comes to mind. shiro doesn't deserve uncharitable assumptions. expression flattering, keith swallows hard then: ]
I don't know. I can't touch rhinfa without it burning for some reason. It's not just the door. I figured it had to do with my sentence or something, but...
[ keith grimaces, voice soft as he trails off. no -- this isn't what he wants to say. what he wants to say is: ]
I'm sorry. The tablet burned, you know? [ another beat, then keith shakes his head daring to step a pinch closer. ] .... Shiro, I'm kinda scared. I... I can't shake the feeling that something from the lighthouse is coming for me.
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the only aspect of it that gives him pause is that the warden has seemingly abandoned his station. some of his deputies, too. ever since that mist rolled in, the prison has become something else. so if the warden and his deputies aren’t here, pulling the strings and making decisions on behalf of them all, per usual, then who is? who is playing tricks on their minds? the mist? the spirits that shiro isn’t wholly convinced are actually there?
he frowns, looking up and through the slats of the bars. ]
Nothing’s going to get you. [ whatever uncertainty he feels is stubbornly kept out of his voice. he’s vehement and firm. ]
I’m here.
[ the snouty huff beside him has him tipping a glance down and after a wordless stare off, shiro looks back to keith. ]
So is the wolf. Nothing is getting by us.
[ he doesn’t mean to make light of keith’s apprehension. he’s taking it seriously. keith’s intuition has a proven record of being right; besides, it isn’t often that keith flat-out says he’s scared. that alone has shiro’s concern ticking up, anxiety and dread churning his stomach. uncomfortable but not wanting to show it, he breaks eye contact to look down and in the pause, he presses his index finger to the door, just to test it again. an immediate flare of pain hitches the beat of his heart until it’s fluttering sharply in his chest and while he doesn’t hold his finger there more than a split second, his body doesn’t relax in the following moments. ]
… Even though I seem to have the same problem with the burning. [ and now he taps his middle finger to the ramen cup still held in his metal hand. the burning sensation is just as potent. ] Weird.
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I know, I know...
[ the words are murmured to acknowledge the wolf's presence more so than accept shiro's reassurances, but not for a lack of wanting to be reassured. it's true that shiro and the wold woulf both play guard, but how does one protect against a threat that's yet to have made itself distinctly known? keith isn't sure if the sick claustrophobic feeling is coming from the tiny cell or from within his own head.
doesn't matter. it's only as real as keith allows it to be, and there are beings here that matter far more than whatever his muddled, anxiety riddled brain is coming up with. giving himself a shake, he watches in horror as shiro insists on touching things for science and flinching away. ]
Hey, stop touching things that're burning you!
[ because of course shiro's safety and well being comes before the more pressing question of: ]
Why is this even happening to you? You weren't there -- you didn't take apart that corpse.
[ the realization of what he's said hits a beat late. keith's goes briefly wide eyed before staring miserably at the ramen cup in shiro's metal hand. ]
... I- I didn't thikn that would come back like this.
[ expelling a heavy sigh, keith takes a half step back the door. ]
I'm... I didn't mean to ruin your lunch.
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ah. the slight waver in his voice is telling, as is the look on his face. this is something to tread lightly with.
shiro does his best to be comforting and offers up a smile, one that colors his voice sweet and just the slightest bit playful. ]
This isn’t for me. [ you ridiculous boy. ] I brought this for you.
[ a snout jabs his thigh. oh for the love of – ]
It was the space wolf’s idea.
[ he looks down at the space wolf, who is already looking up at him. whatever. shiro has an easy way to one up him. apparently, these aliens are good at building fences or barriers or doors that keep space wolf hijinxs at bay, but they aren’t well equipped to keep shiro out, at least when it comes to doors. ]
Just – hold on. [ he bends down to put the ramen cup on the ground and then straightens back up, his galra arm lighting up. ] Let me just –
[ the locking mechanism is easy to burn through. it is, possibly, a hasty decision that will demand retribution later, but leaving keith there, clearly scared and miserable, to rot away in a cell in a confinement center that might very well be just as abandoned as everywhere else in this compound, is, frankly, out of the question. of course shiro is going to spring him out.
making sure keith is out of the way, he nudges the door open with his deactivated, metal hand, smiling even though the space wolf bullies in before him. ]
Burn proof. Guess you could say the metal hand comes in, heh, handy.
[ the space wolf isn’t shy in taking over keith’s space and considering the size of the cell, there isn’t much to give. shiro stands in the doorway for now, crouching down to pick up the ramen cup. ]
But… I don’t know, Keith. I don’t know why it’s happening, but I don’t think this place ever needs a reason to mess with us.
[ back to his feet, shiro looks to keith and can’t stop the concern from overtaking his expression, wilting his smile. ]
I heard about the corpse you guys found. I didn’t know you did anything to it. [ a softer: ] Do you wanna talk about it?
no subject
you guys... is what he starts to say, but shiro's gotten other ideas. seeing the galra hand light up gives the plan away immediately, but it still surprises keith on some level that shiro would be going to these lengths after giving those warnings about not crossing prison personnel. is he complaining or telling shiro to stop, however? no. absolutely not. his stay in solitary this time has been much different to his last one, and a more paranoid part of keith suspects their overlords might have left him to die here.
before he can yet again get too lost down a rabbit hole of grim pessimism, the door creaks open slowly before it's slammed open by a whirlwind of paws and silvery blue fur. the wolf leaps froward, tail wagging furiously as keith lets out a yelp before getting knocked backwards. he braces for a burn that never comes. confused but pleased all the same, keith tkaes an extra second to get his bearings. ]
H-hey, it's good to see you too, buddy.
[ wrestling the wolf until he's up to a seated position, keith laughs and gives the wolf a gentle noogie. [] THank you for bringing Shiro and food.
[ speaking of which, keith looks up then, turning his attention to shiro at the opened doorway, ramen cup back in hand. ]
.... and thank you, too. I -- [ making a face, keith pushes the wolf's snout away to try and properly get to his feet, only to have his hand promptly covered in drool. ] Heh, c'mon, let me up.
[ the wolf assents this time, sitting down like a proper good boy with wide innocent eyes. keith rises, then takes several steps towards shiro. ]
There's not a whole lot to say about it. Lance, Angel and I found a trunk that had a mummified alien body inside. Angel took the body apart, and we found a large capsule inside. It contained a slip of paper with a pattern on it and a ship trinket. We took it, hoping to figure out what it was, but we never did. I just... maybe all of this is because something in the lighthouse wants it back.
[ smile slipping, keith forces it back in place as he leaves just one last step between him and shiro. ]
.. but you're right. This place doesn't need reasons to mess with us. [ tentatively, keith holds up his hand. ] ... Think I could touch you too? [ without getting burned that is. or would that be too generous of whatever curse thing is going on. ]
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he intends to ask. even if keith is mimicking shiro’s signature move of downplaying, to then gloss over the magnitude of the discovery, shiro realizes that there’s much more to suss out here, especially given keith’s mounting fear.
… but keith’s distracting in other ways, too. he positions himself right in front of shiro, only to circle back to the other dilemma that shiro would very much like to figure out first. the space wolf tilts his head, watching. shiro sees him do it, a little fuzzy on the edge of his vision, there, over keith’s shoulder; shiro’s gaze stays squarely on keith though. ]
Hope so.
[ his voice pitches with a lightness that doesn’t fit the seriousness of the situation. what’s he going to do if they can’t touch without unintentionally inflicting pain on each other? it’s temporary. maybe? hopefully? well, best to run another experiment before he gets too far ahead of himself, yeah?
briefly, he looks to keith’s hand, before catching keith’s gaze again. arms loose at his sides and all of him lax, aside from the continued pinched of his metal fingers around the rim of the ramen cup, shiro drops all semblance of defense in offer. ]
However you like. Hit me with it.
no subject
but that said? the levity makes keith do a brief double take. maybe the connection between the incidents isn't as clear cut to others as they are in his head? maybe he's tunneled in on some disparate facts that aren't actually related? shiro is right, after all, that this place rarely ever needs a reason to fuck with their heads.
it's unsettling. not only does keith need to second or third guess his own reasoning, he's also just now realizing he has no idea what the bigger picture here is. the mist isn't aphrodisiac, and touching only resulting in the feeling of burning is so nonconducive to the usual sex that's constantly pushed that he feels less and less grounded.
good thing, then, that shiro's right there ready with a smile. it's a potent reminder that even when keith can't quite trust himself, he feels safe trusting shiro. keith swallows, giving shiro an up-down glance before returning a hesitant but warn smile at the invitation. ]
I don't want to hurt you.
[ it shouldn't have to be stated. shiro is always the last person keith wants to hurt, but knowing he's failed his shiro at home by not realizing the clone situation after it was already too late makes the obvious feel important to say out loud. banishing the thought for a moment, keith tries for light hearted with a joking-not joking: ]
Brace yourself.
[ before squeezing his eyes shut and delivering a quick peck to the cheek. the contact lasts barely a second from all of keith's low expectations for touch being pleasant, but he blinks his eyes open a beat later, looking a mixture of sheepish and pleased. ]
...Oh. Heh, I guess nothing bad happened after all.
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okay, it’s kind of sweet. and given the current disarray of their lives, especially keith’s, they might need a little sweet right now.
so shiro tries for unpredictability as well. leaning down he presses a kiss to keith’s cheek, his lasting a beat longer and ending a bit louder on the pull away. his lips tingle, though that’s not particularly new; there’s always a rush when he kisses keith. ]
Just wanted to be extra sure.
[ his expression is softer; gaze affectionate and smile easy. there’s a low, snuffing sound though and shiro briefly looks away from keith to spy the space wolf watching them. of course he’d be watching them, but catching the wolf’s gaze has shiro clearing his throat. ]
Right. [ he stands straighter. ] Now let’s get some ramen in you before we let your friend there try zapping us out of here.
[ shiro doesn’t doubt the space wolf’s ability to get them back to one of their cubes… much. in the back of his mind, he can’t shake the idea that there is the possibility of something going awry. again. so might as well get keith fed before they embark on what could very well be a long afternoon. so shiro steps to the wall – which is, basically, one step – and goes to sit down, getting as comfortable as he can. ]
It gives us time for you to tell me more about this lighthouse.
[ see, he hasn’t forgotten. he crosses his legs setting the cup of noodles on the floor, in front of his crossed ankles. ]
When did you start feeling like something’s after you? Has anything happened to make you think that?
[ specifically, he means. ]
no subject
of course, that raises the question of whether or not the sense of foreboding will also clear with sex, but this time it's a thought that prompts more self chastisement than anything else. as much as sex is a means to an end in this place, shiro is not.
getting caught up on that thought is precisely why keith doesn't stop shiro from entering his cramped cell and getting comfortable. the narrowness of the space and its single exit point still sets off a terrible sense of foreboding, but it's ... at least one that keith is a step closer to dismissing as irrational. it'd been nerve wracking because he was alone and unarmed. with shiro and the wolf here, nothing is getting past, right?
if there's even a something to begin with. expression pinched with uncertainty, keith looks from shiro to the wolf nervously before allowing himself to be coaxed into sitting down across from shiro. the instant he does so, the wolf is by his side, head resting on keith's lap, eyes closed and contented.. fingers comb through silvery blue fur in some half hearted attempt to self soothe as keith murmurs: ]
But I don't think I can feed myself without burning.
[ it's not really meant as a protest. if anything, it's more to stall out on answering what exactly happened at the lighthouse and admitting outright that nothing has actually happened yet. brow pinching, keith looks down at the ramen cup, tentatively fliicking with a finger before the burn makes him jerk back with a wince. ]
Ow. [ blowing our a heavy sifh, keith continues to look pensive. ] ...And I dunno. It's like.. you know those ghost stories about spirits coming back because you disturbed their grave or something? It just feels kinda like that.
[ ....several months after the fact. because apparently this ghost was hibernating for the summer. face falling, keith groans. ]
.... I'm starting to sound like Lance.
no subject
shiro’s frown deepens as keith tests the cup and then he’s right onto a wince tied to a sympathetic look. keith starts explaining then and shiro’s listening, all the while slow spinning the fork to slosh the noodles around and around. nothing of what he’s hearing is funny. it’s a serious matter that requires some serious consideration – as well as a failsafe plan if the worst is meant to happen – but lance is brought into it and all of a sudden, the mood shifts, if only for a few moments.
shiro laughs: short and huffy, his mouth twisted up on a grin. ]
Come on, give yourself some credit. You’re not that bad.
[ though, perhaps shiro shouldn’t be cutting keith such slack. this is the same boy who used to hoard those stories of bigfoot and the chupacabra and mothman. if keith swore by those and is now swearing by a vengeful ghost wanting to do a bit of haunting…
it’s difficult though, to dismiss any of this as too far-fetched to be possible. afterall – ]
Look at everything we’ve been through in the past months… and not just here, either. A ghost story come to life isn’t the weirdest thing to happen to us.
[ he lifts the fork and without further ado, feeds it into his own mouth. a touch warm but definitely not burning. good; should be clear for keith, too. he chews through and by the swallow, he reconsiders his current brand of reassurance. once again gathering noodles onto the fork, he eases into a smile that reads more sheepish. ]
… I can’t tell if I’m making you feel better or worse.
[ because, by saying he’s not crazy – or hyper-imaginative like lance – he’s also saying the ghost threat is real. so would keith feel better being crazy or hunted? either way, open up, because shiro lifts the noodle laden fork up in offer. ]
no subject
that bit of minor antagonism gets entirely misunderstood by keith who simply assumes the wolf would like more ear skreitching. keith is happy to oblige, of course, though his uptick in mood slowly wanes as shiro begins to ramble. ... not that it's a bad thing exactly, just that keith is equally split on whether he's supposed to feel better or worse about having his anxieties validated.
better, maybe? if only because it makes him feel slightly less crazy, but then wh the hell finds reassurance in being personally haunted by a vengeful ghost and how exactly does one fight them off? one doesn't exactly need to be a ghost aficionado to suspect the usual knives and stabby things don't work on intangibles. so what's he meantt to find? a priest? holy water?
yeah. okay. feeling foolish, keith directs a huff of air up to ruffle his bangs, but before he can say anything there's a forkful of noodles being held up to his mouth. ]
Huh?
[ forgive him. the implication is obvious. open up. keith registers that a fraction late, flushing slightly as he blinks from the noodles to shiro. ]
You're... gonna feed me?
[ the flush spreads further up to his ears. he's reall yon some kind of roll with regards to pointing out the fucking obvious, huh? but still. he looks back at the fork, only to shift his gaze back to shiro. ]
I... [ it's a simple solution and a very simple gesture, but it has the unfortunate side effect of making keith realize tat he's never actually had aanyone offer to feed him this way. .... or at least, the last time he had something fed to him, it was very much not a forkful of noodles. heart racing inexplicably, keith quickly banishes the thought of anon'hard cock with a shy, mumbled: ]
Okay.
[ before leaning forward to accept his mouthful. holding eye contact with shiro during this proves to be a little too embarrassing though, and quickly keith shifts his gaze back down to shiro's .. mouth? no -- his shoulder. yes. very safe.
the noodles are warm -- probably a little too warm like they may be affected by whatever stupid porn prison magic is happening, but they're good and keith's stomach rumbles in approval. the wolf, too, finally stops glaring and resumes his happy nuzzling. unsure of what the hell the feeding protocol is, on whether he should be letting shiro pull the fork out of his mouth or what, keith nervously takes a bite and tries not to think too hard about sucking tihings as he slrups the noodles off the tines. face burning for reasons he's desperately hoping shiro won't ask about, keith murmurs: ]
'Fankyoo.
no subject
shiro mulls it over and comes up empty on explanation, though not on emotion. now that it’s in his head, he sees it from a different lens and rather than it being a simple repetition of fork and offer, he’s paying closer attention to keith’s face. to his mouth.
not the right time, he tells himself.
they’ve got a chaperone, at least, and the continued presence of the wolf is one shiro is entirely aware of. he seems, for the moment, subdued, however, and shiro is more than okay with keith indulging that happy nuzzling to keep the wolf’s dog glare off of him. those ears do perk a moment later, though. because shiro makes the mistake of laughing softly to keith’s thank you, which is, honestly, adorable. shiro’s lips pull hard into a smile and hopeless on the rush of affection, shiro ducks his head to stare into the cup, partly shielding the happy look about him. ]
You’re welcome.
[ he’s got the fork back in the cup, swirling around to line the prongs with noodles, peas, corn and carrots. ]
Hopefully this burning curse doesn’t last too long, otherwise meal times are gonna be pretty interesting from here on out.
[ if keith can chew food without burning, maybe he can handle food himself. if that’s possible, then shiro should try to locate some handheld meals – though, he supposes anything can be handheld if messiness is not a concern. they could test that out here, actually. he could scoop out some noodles and have keith touch them with his fingers. later, he thinks, and keeps on routine of bringing the fork out of the cup, extending in offer.. ]
I don’t mind, of course. It’s kinda fun.
[ … fun? he keeps his smile through the inward cringe. ]
no subject
shiro's happy, the wolf is happy. as uncomfortable as the solitary cell is, in the moment keith likes that the three of them are crowded together in the narrow space, his two favorite beings in the universe both within arms reach to be pulled in for cuddles on demand. stupid because the prison is still a nightmare outside, but he's content in the knowledge that he doesn't have to face any of that alone.
ah, but he was meant to be eating not daydreaming.
shiro carries on, and keith actually snorts at the comment. ]
Fun? [ he swallows hastily, the look on his face playful. ] Y'know. You used to call things like racing out in the desert and cliff diving fun. Now it's feeding me? Next thing I know, you'll be telling me how fun the crossword is, old-timer.
[ he laughs, then obediently opens his mouth to accept his next bite of ramen. now that he's not anticipating a burn from the food, he actually chews, looking contemplative as he reaches across to gently squeeze shiro's knee. ]
... I can't remember the last time someone went out of their way to care for me like this. So I guess I'm glad it's fun.
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still, old-timer? come on.
teeth lined up and occluded, shiro exhales through them for a tch, though, the smile that keeps gives away his amusement. he warms in a way that is near automatic any time he earns himself an intimate touch for keith and that right there, the hand on his knee, has shiro a little fluttery in the belly. not that it dissuades him from catching keith’s wrist between finger and thumb, giving the skin a gentle, retaliatory pinch. ]
Uh huh. I’m glad you're glad and not judging me at all.
[ he does miss that though. the desert and all the freedom that came with their adventures out there. no cliffs around here. no hoverbikes, either. there is a level of freedom here, in that they are allowed to roam the compound as they please – more so now, with it seemingly abandoned – but the activities are set for the most part, as well as the ever daunting knowledge that autonomy is a privilege that comes and goes. he tries not to dwell on it. thinking too deeply about this, any of this, including their current positions of sitting inside a solitary cell that keith’s meant to occupy, will only ruin the pocket of peace they’ve managed to create for each other.
so he forks some more and laughs with his next breath. ]
It’s your fault, anyway. [ he’s looking to the cup again, repeating motions. ] Just… it’s you. It’s easy to find enjoyment in moments spent with you.
[ ready for another mouthful, keith? because here it is. that alone dwarfs the sentimental moment, but shiro takes it a step further by curtailing the sweetness of his voice and twisting it sing-songy with suggestion. ]
So if you’d like to help me with that crossword sometime…
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it's messed up beyond reason to think that pron prison of all places is somehow arguably a break from a grueling war when it's been an endless assault imposition on their freedoms, but here they are. undeterred by the pinching, keith brushes his palm up shiro's thigh and gives that a gentle squeezing as well. wondering if they'll ever manage to exist together when there isn't some fuckery going on threatens to be bittersweet though, so keith instead focuses on the here and now, and the next bite being offered to him.
of course, if shiro wants to paint a nice picture of himself in a rocker with a crossword puzzle in his lap, keith is going to huff a little before accepting his bite. ]
Maybe if I get a reward for helping. [ chew, chew, chew, frown, chew, swallow. ] I miiiight be convinced if I get a reward that's four letters ending in s.
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Oh?
[ it’s easy enough to guess, but even easier – and more tempting – to pretend he hasn’t a clue. one, two, he taps his fingers to the rim of the cup and then brings his hands toward his body, resting one on his knee, while the other covers keith’s at his thigh. ]
Let’s see… – cars? [ he knows how fond keith is of cars; fond enough to steal one from shiro once upon a time. the memory pulls a laugh out of him, as well as a fond smile. ] Dogs? [ the space wolf perks at that, both ears flicking and head lifting from the comfortable lounging he’d be doing, cuddled up close to keith’s side. ] Nah, you’ve already got one.
[ the comment is met with a snouty huff. dog. right. the correct terminology is space wolf. does shiro backtrack though? nah. he’s already moving onto – ]
Lips? [ his own spread, gaze drooping to pointedly stare at keith’s. ] Kiss?
[ bingo, right? maybe. probably. but shiro doesn’t let it stand. he squeezes keith’s hand to stave off a response and then he’s sitting up straighter, flexing the line of his shoulders. ]
Oh wait, I know it. Pecs. [ that not so subtle flex? widens the set of his shoulders and broadens the width of his chest, making his pectorals stand out. a little cocky, a little playful, and a lot delighted to peacock for his not boyfriend. ] Is my set a nice enough reward?
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....which is to say , someone misses the cue that his is all pageantry on shiro's part, and is very genuinely spellbound by the show. keith raises an eyebrow, and after propping his elbow up on his knee, rests his chin on his palm with an expectant smile. honestly, it's something to watch shiro's imagination in action. who knew there are so many great four letter words ending in s that keith really appreciates?
he's already grinning wide, not even bothering to be coy about mhis delight by the time shiro gets to guess number three, snouty indignant huff be damned. not that keith can really blame the space wolf for the grump, considering his exposure to earth dogs has been limited to a sample size of one. he absentmindedly gives the wolf a reassuring snout scratch, but his focus stays with shiro.
the pointed staring at his mouth does funny flip-floppy things to his stomach, but before he can shy nod to kiss, shiro's barreled straight ahead to pecs. hhis expression briefly goes wide eyed in his surprise but then of course he's looking at the goods presented. [
I....
[ fuck. there's a lot to like about shiro. it's strange actually being able to look and appreciate for once, rather than crushing inappropriate thoughts before they can get out of hand. what's kind of embarrassing is how obvious he must have been about looking and touching if shiro's noticed. flushing very slightly, keith manages a tiny defiant laugh like he hasn't, in fact, been accurately called out and tries for a very nonchalant: ]
I dunno. Take off the shirt and lemme see.
ftr, this is so stupid
so shiro keeps right on in that playful vein of conversation and grasps the hem of his shirt. it’s plain in make and color, the loose, black tee e a cheap purchase he picked up from the prisoner run market. he may have lived in the same outfit while on the castleship, but shiro is doing his best to avoid that here. ]
Ah. Gotta make sure the goods are worth it… – how very prudent of you.
[ nonetheless, even with repetition and knowledge, there’s always going to be a small, very small twinge of anxiety that comes with pulling his shirt up and off, while eyes are on him. he does it smoothly enough; no obvious pauses or hesitations. he even keeps his smile all the way through, though it softens for a beat of shyness as he drops his shirt on the ground to his right. he pulls in a breath and sets his shoulders again, gaze finding keith’s…
and here he goes.
one flex, two flex, three flex. the first has his right pec jumping higher for one beat. the second follows the same movement, but this time with the left. for the third flex, he has both pecs moving together, distinctly bouncing. he doesn’t keep it up after that, but he could. for now, however, he sits there expectant and eager, grin spreading wide. ]
you say this like most of our threads arent stupid
keith might have recoevered if that were the end of it. true, there are a lot of vicious scars that criss cross his best friend's skin, but the figure he cuts is so striking all the same that keith can't help the fluttering lurch in his chest every time he's lucky enough to see.
but noooooo. shiro isn't content with just presenting an unobscure view, he has to put on a fucking show. the first jump of his pec actually makes keith half squawk in his surprise, eyes going owlishly round as he stares in sheer disbelief at what he's seeing. another bounce makes it clear that it wasn't some random muscle spasm or a fluke. ]
Woah...
[ a little spell bound, the word slips out of him unconsciously. the wolf looks up then as well, head swiveling from keith to shiro to figure out what the hubbub is about. the wolf doesn't seem to get it at all. shiro flexes for the last time, making the wolf flinch back, like he's expecting some kind of chest burster. keith , on the other hand, is riveted and simulataneously bombarded with a sudden tsunami of questions. questions like when the fuck shiro learned how to do this and why.
he blinks, slow to take his eyes off shiro's chest long after the flexing is over until a strange clarity hits him upside the head. he doesn't care. he doesn't care why shiro decided he was going to master this because the image of shiro practicing in the shower or in his cube while nobody is looking is the most endeared he's felt in a while. chest expanding in a sudden rush of affection, the pressure has nowhere to go but out in a delighted leaugh. ]
Shiro, that's -- pffff
[ he never finishes what that is. he hangs his head in helpless laughter that shakes his whole body, free hand coming up to half heartedly hide one rose flushed cheek. the wolf seems just as taken aback by keith's outpouring of happiness, giving each boy a confused headtilt stare before wagging his tail to show puzzled solidarity. keith meanwhile struggles to catch his breath, wiping at his eyes as he gasps: ]
How are you the most precious dork in the universe?
fair point
adam hadn’t laughed anything like this.
shiro’s grin spreads even wider, the stretch pulling so incessantly that his cheeks ache with it. it’s fine though. it’s good, because right here, right now, for a few very precious moments, everything is right in this fucked up world. is it too cheesy to say keith’s laughter is rejuvenating? fine, shiro won’t say it. he feels it, though. it flutters shiro’s chest with happy, giddy feeling and has him squirming, just a little, in his seat from the onslaught of pride he feels for causing this. this is worth everything: keith carefree and unapologetic in his delight, if only temporary. it’s a good look, one that shiro wishes his best friend kept to far more often.
distance quickly becomes the enemy. shiro huffs and leans forward, one hand bracing to the floor and the other reaching for keith. ]
Me? No. That’s you.
[ he grasps keith’s thigh and pulls, trying to drag keith by the leg closer. it’s a movement that’s only going to happen if keith helps by scooting along. either way, shiro keeps leaning in, already well into keith’s space. ]
You’re the one giggling over dancing pecs. [ adorably goes unsaid. ] And the one who’s so charmed that you’re going to kiss the extremely talented guy with the…
[ the space wolf is growling. it starts suddenly, with the wolf’s ears flattening back. shiro stops short and loses all traces of mirth to instead, shoot the wolf an exasperated look, voice annoyed. ]
Come on. [ the wolf isn’t looking at him though. for a creature who is voicing his disdain for shiro making a move on his favorite person, the wolf is very interested in the wall opposite the door. ] Do you really have a problem with… – huh?
[ there’s movement out of the corner of his eye and then he’s matching the wolf’s stare to the other wall where something simply materializes through it. something, no – someone? she doesn’t look right. she doesn’t feel right. ]
Keith.
[ the wolf is already on that side, up now and sufficiently blocking keith from this new, unwanted presence. shiro lets go of keith’s leg but he’s pushing him to move, to get up and get to the door, to at the very least, put some distance between them all. probably the best course of actin to take, considering the greeting ends up being an ominous: ]
ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ.
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nothing about her is recognizable. the corpse in the trunk had been badly decayed, and any semblance of a face had long been mummified. this ... thing could be that body, it could be fucking anything else for all keith knows, but when it speaks, she speaks with a voice like nails splintering on a chalkboard. keith flinches back, hand reaching for a knife and a bayard that aren't there. panic sets in a moment later when she surveys the three of them with empty sockets and speaks: ]
ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴍɪɴᴇ, ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜɪᴇғ. ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ.
[ eyes widening in alarm, keith doesn't even bother trying to piece out what it is she's even talking about. the paper? the trinket? the container? all three? right now, that's not a mystery that's important to him. right now, what's important is grabbing hold of shiro's shirt and tugging insistently to keep his best friend from getting any closer to the threat. ]
I don't know what you're talking about!
[ the wolf growls, baring pointy teeth in warning. the ghost shrieks, flailing rotting arms wildly as she pitches forward. ]
ʟɪᴀʀ!! ʟɪᴀʀ! ʟɪᴀʀ! ʟɪᴀʀ! ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ!!
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Keith.
[ again, imploring keith to move and to get behind him, as well as to safety, shiro knocks that hand away to push keith harder. the space wolf is holding the front line and shiro won’t fight him for it, but he does fight keith to get into the next line of defense. he scrambles on his knees, still so vulnerable. he turns though and upon facing the spirit, monster, whatever this cursed thing is, fluorescent purple lights up the lines of his arm. ]
He doesn’t have it!
[ right keith…? it’s only then that shiro realizes keith never said who wound up with the trinket or the paper. something to ponder later when there isn’t a threat screeching and pitching forward.
will his arm work on her? how can he possibly brawl with something that can materialize through solid objects? doubt fuels the panic. as long as he can distract her long enough for keith to gain some distance, if he would simply cooperate…
the space wolf kicks a hind leg back, knocking into shiro. that growling face looks back at him, but shiro’s gaze is immediately pulled to the creature coming forward and coming fast, limbs frantic and face twisted up with a fury that demands violence. breath catches and shiro tries to say keith’s name again, feeling him at his back where shiro is still trying to push him with his other hand.
and then zap. everything changes.
this is how he winds up staring at the wall of his own cube. he only knows it’s his cube once he turns his head, seeing the familiar bed and the little stacks of ramen boxes on the counter. ]
Oh.
[ he looks behind him and there’s keith. or more so, there’s the space wolf, bullying keith by sheer weight to push him down on the ground and lick his face in a show of relief and affection. shiro feels it too; relief. but it’s soured with the knowledge that this is only a temporary fix. he swallows down that unease, trying to keep his voice clear of it. ]
Good thinking. That’ll buy us some time.
[ … hmph. here shiro is, on the rare occasion of complimenting the space wolf, and the space wolf can’t be bothered to acknowledge him. he simply keeps nuzzling keith’s face. guess shiro can't blame him. ]
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it doesn't matter. at least not right now. both the wolf and shiro are standing in front of him and all keith can think is that it's his fault that they're in any danger right now. that he borught this upon the two of them. teeth grit, he doesn't get any further in the plan to try and push shiro out of the way because there's a white flash. next thing he knows, he's on his back with two heavy paws pressing on his chest and a tongue spreading slobber across his chin and neck. the disorientation isn't helped in the slightest by the fact that his view of the ceiling gives him no real indication of where the fuck the wolf teleported him.
or wait-- ]
Shiro!
[ he starts, trying to nudge the wolf's snout away to sit up. the wolf huffs as if to say keith pls. it's a rather unnecessary bit of chiding if only because shiro speaks in the following beat and keith finally gets a more useful view of their bed. only then does keith actually relax a bit, throwing an arm around the wolf to lean against his side. ]
Thanks.
[ the word is murmured against the wolf's fur, relief plainly audible though he isn't optimistic enough to think the danger has actually passed. the feeling that something is out looking for him isn't just a feeling anymore, but some dangerous monster intent on chasing keith down. meaning .... of course, that lance and angel are likely in trouble as well? and as long as he sticks close to shiro and the wolf that those two will be in danger too?
keith glances up, expression exhausted as he calls out to shiro. ]
I... I shouldn't stay here. If that thing is gonna follow me, I can't put you at risk.
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when was the last time he checked in on lance, pidge, hunk anyway? they certainly don’t operate as a team here. perhaps they aren’t shiro’s responsibility any longer.
there on the floor, shiro watches the space wolf fawn over his sole responsibility and feels oddly inadequate in the moment. he’s failing a lot of people right now, isn’t he? refusing to sit there and wallow in his own shortcomings, shiro pushes himself to his feet instead. shirt or tablet first? the fact that he’s still thinking to delay, even a few seconds, from sending lance a text is another mark against him.
tablet there on the counter, shiro stops before it and starts tapping away with metal fingers. hopefully lance isn’t also suffering from an inability to touch without suffering a burn. ]
And I can’t be expected to sit by while this thing hunts you down.
[ the retort comes easy. shiro doesn’t even look up. text sent, one asking a generalized status report, shiro looks over to keith then, mouth half-tilted and worn. ]
You know I’ll never agree to that, best save your breath.
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That thing is after me.
[ can keith be said to be keith if he were content to be the one putting others at risk? ]
There's no reason for you to be dragged into this mess, too. Shiro, if you got hurt, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself, you know?
[ it's an argument that's likely going to fall on deaf ears. as much as keith loves shiro, sometimes arguing with him can be like arguing with a brick wall. giving the wold a gentle pat, keith spares him an apologetic look before brushing him aside to walk the short distance to where shiro is standing. hesitant but determined, keith touches his arm gripping it tight. ]
I said I wouldn't let anything hurt you.
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keith’s been part of his life for years, even in the gaps that have kept them apart. shiro doesn’t know how he’d be able to function if that stable fixture was ripped away.
so is shiro being more selfless or more selfish in refusing to go? is he doing this more for keith or more for himself? afterall, the more self-preserving option is not, in fact, the one that has shiro running off to safety. ]
Well, I’m not going to let anything hurt you, either. [ he’s certain he’s said more or less the same vow before, but a little reiteration never hurt anyone. he smiles a little more fully, briefly alight with playful vibes. ] Can’t leave now and be a liar.
[ see what he did there? he sobers soon enough, the stretch of his smile once again wearing thin. still, he lets keith clutch at his arm as tight as he likes as he turns more into him, other hand coming around to cup, lightly, at the small of keith’s back. ]
Your problems are my problems, Keith. So I'm gonna be here for you, no matter the risks. We’re in this together, as always.
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sayingsaving his breath because the discussion's over before it's begun. just ... how is keith supposed to argue against this? they're just going to go in circles about who's more important and in the endd keith supposes it's kinda funny that they'd do this, but that doesn't extinguish his stubbornness. at least, not yet.he catches the smile on shiro's face and actually does a double take. shiro smiling isn't a rare sight or anything, but the fact that he's able to do so now, like this whole mess isn't a big deal just throws keith off enough that he forgets the script. instead he stares for a beat too long, expression longing before he finally gets it together enough to bump his forehead to shiro's pec.
fuck. maybe this whole situation really is stupid if they''re dodging ghosts with one shirt on between them. ]
Shiro.....
[ the name is whined, but that's it. that's the end of keith's resistance. he doesn't want to argue, he wants to keep shiro safe. not just shiro -- but the wolf, and nlance and angel and --
keith sighs, huffing a deep breath with his face still partly buried. ]
I thought we were only kind of together.
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and then the moment isn’t as smooth.
shiro supposes he finds it funny, in that exasperated, how-is-this-happening sort of way. they’ve circled back to this topic a few times now, each discussion never leading to anything concrete. their relationship continues to be this ambiguous, unspoken thing. it’s largely shiro’s fault, he realizes that. keith is young and inexperienced, and while that isn’t necessarily an excuse for being incapable of putting a label on what they’re doing here, in comparison to shiro, who has enough experience with relationships and commitments to have gotten engaged, it’s fair to cut keith some slack.
honestly, shiro can hardly articulate what the problem is at this point. he likes keith and keith likes him, that’s as plain as daylight. the desire is there; it’s so potent just from them kissing that sometimes shiro has to steal off to relieve his needs elsewhere, with someone who is not keith.
yeah. not keith…
don’t get sidetracked. he abandons that uneasy trail of thought before he can get lost in it, again. he just… can’t seem to catch traction with keith, even though he wants to. perhaps it’s because he’s over-thought and agonized and built up the pressure in his head, to the point that he doesn’t know how to ease beyond light touches. the timing has to be right. yeah? at this rate, it’s never going to be.
he sighs, taking comfort in not having the whole of keith’s attention on his face as he glances off to the side. ]
I thought so, too.
[ he pauses, weighing the words in his mind. it was easier thinking that, like only kinda being involved would protect their friendship. naïve, foolish thinking. he knows better than that. glancing down at keith then, shiro rubs at his back and gives a small, encouraging smile, a hint of nervousness in it. ]
But I’m finding it’s difficult to do anything in half-measures when it comes to you.
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they give her what she wants?
kinda being with him just sounds like a massive headache, though keith doesn't breathe life into that. instead, he slowly brings his arm up to wrap around shiro's waist. already in a self chastising mood, keith misinterprets.
...Sorry. I really don't mean to drag you or anyone else into messes like this. Together kinda together or not at all.
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gah. he’s going about this wrong. he’s wasting energy trying to figure out how they got here, rather than figuring out how to get them past this.
the easy option is to forget before and pick up here, to go right along with the ghost situation. prudent, too, seeing as that’s the immediate threat. but shiro had just been exasperated and weary over circling back to this same conversation; if he doesn’t want to revisit it again, at least not in this same uncertain, murky way of theirs, maybe they should spend the few minutes to tidy it up. ]
That’s not what I meant.
[ hand pausing at keith’s mid-back, shiro stares down, eyeing the sprouted hair at the crown of keith’s head. ]
I meant it’s hard being kinda together with you because I’d rather be together-together with you.
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Together-together ... as in ...
[ boyfriend. the word keith is looking for is boyfriend, but breathing life into the concept comes with the incredible risk of falling flat on his face if he's misinterpreted. keith isn't sure how else he ought to be taking shiro's words, but if there's one thing keith's learned never to underestimate, it's his debatable social skill.
another beat, and keith is glad he kept his mouth shut. how does one even manage being boyfirneds in a place like this? what would that even mean or look like? and would shiro really want him as a boyfriend if he knew about the many trysts he's had with anon? the note he's still holding onto from that night with the words you mean a lot to me written on them?
boyfriends means a lot of things -- keith would assume monogamy is built into that. of course, polyamory and all that exist, but it's... yet another thing keith had never quite envisioned for himself, despite actively living that messed up reality. uncertain of how to feel, and unable to answer why he hasn't thrown that note away, keith convinces himself boyfriend isn't what shiro's getting at.
what it could be is the other thing that porn prison puts front and center in their daily lives keith's face warms as he subtly ducks eye contact to look at the wall. together-together is a real convoluted euphemism for sex to start with, but would shiro really even be suggesting that now?]
I'm... lost. I think I'm doing that whole more-deeper thing again.
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Yeah. Sorry. This is a really bad time to bring this up.
[ he doesn’t come up. he’s still got his eyes closed, part hiding into his hand. ]
I thought you were bringing it up but – I guess not? [ stop shoving the blame onto keith; it isn’t his fault shiro heard what he heard and jumped right into it.
and he doesn’t know why his brain immediately went there. maybe it’s the whole thing with the ghost. that keith is in danger and still thinking he should go at it alone, like shiro wouldn’t be completely devastated if something were to happen to him. same with the punishment of solitary confinement. yes, the tablet burned and maybe there wasn’t any time to send him a message anyway, but the point remains that, sometimes, shiro feels like he’s only kind of privy to what’s going on in keith’s life. and he’d like to change that. to be more involved and more aware, to better take care of him.
not that they need to be boyfriends for that to happen, but it’s a course of action that, oddly, makes sense to shiro, despite their surroundings. they’re fighting inevitability here. shiro likes keith and keith likes shiro; more than that, they desire each other, don’t they? yes, he thinks with certainty. it got muddled along the way due, largely, to shiro, and now, he’d like to correct that, so that they can lean into each other more fully. ]
Just…
[ he draws a breath and releases it on a sigh, one that punctuates the dropping of his hand and the opening of his eyes. he looks down at him then, cupping behind his shoulder. ]
I don’t want to kind of be together or sort of go steady. My feelings for you are a lot more… all in than that.
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keith sighs, trying to expel the combination of defensiveness and self reproach before either can take root. right now, all he has to do is listen to shiro and wait for clarity. he's lucky, he supposes, in that shiro is patient and doesn't just brush this whole thing off with a 'whatever' and get right back to business and talk ghost busting.
still, it makes keith blink and take a half step back to try and get a clearer look at shiro''s face. so then, this is about boyfriends? keith tries not to stare, but he's about three seconds too late for that resolve to mean much of anything. ]
Wow. You uh... really weren't kidding about the bad timing.
[ the words start out fazed, ending on a sheepish laugh. fuck -- what even is his own reaction? his head feels strangely empty and as if to compensate his chest feels full. he wants to enjoy this, but in the back of his mind he keeps thinking about anon and that affection laden note and doesn't know if he ought to be feeling guilty or ashamed or what.
perhaps nothing at all because he doesn't necessarily want anon the way he wants to be around shiro, but it still feels disqualifying to be keeping a tiny part of anon locked away in his cube. glancing down at his feet, keith worries at his lower lip briefly. ]
I... you already know that you mean more to me than I know how to say.
[ but? is there a but? keith looks up, with a worn smile. ]
More than you know.
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guilt dots at his mood, adding to the agitation of him not being able to anticipate where this is going. the movement back, as well as the amount of time it’s taking for keith to look the tiniest bit happy should be answer enough for him: keith isn’t all in. it’s a foreign realization. maybe he’s taken keith for granted. his loyalty is steadfast and his favor intense; it’s not arrogant of shiro to recognize that he’s been a focal point of keith’s for years. he just thought… – since everything has been progressing so well between them in the quiet, intimate moments they manage to find in this place, that they could try for a little more.
but keith’s biting at his lip and looking down, and again, shiro wonders if that’s meant to be his answer. keith started out wanting everything in the beginning, but now he – doesn’t? hesitated too long. shiro exhales slowly through his nose, shoulders drooping bit by bit until his lungs are nearly empty. it’s a reset on his outlook; when he inhales, he pushes away the sore, disappointed feelings, and reminds himself that keith is the most important person to him. his friendship, above all else, is what needs to be kept safe between them. he’s not going to make this harder than it needs to be.
it helps, at least, that keith throws him a bone by reminding him that he means a lot to him. then why not? why not more? because of where they are? because keith’s found more comfort with someone else? stop it, he tells himself again, and musters up a small smile that does very little to brighten his expression. he drops his hands from keith, giving up the hug and the caress at his shoulder, only to resume contact by taking his hand with his left. he holds his fingers gently, thumb skirting across his knuckles. ]
Then why does it sound like there’s a but coming?
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of course there's no "but." as much as keith tries to keep some information withheld from shiro on account of shiro's well being, affection isn't something he needs to ration and be careful with. not with shiro. if anything, it's his feelings about anonymous that needs to be kept under tighter wraps and closer scrutiny. or perhaps cut off entirely?
you mean a lot to me.
why is he so hung up on what might've just been a throwaway line meant to get him to relax and spread his legs? because it came with a fucking dorky smiley? why is he even thinking about this when anon's feelings towards him are completely unrelated to this moment where he should be happy that shiro is telling him that he cares? keith looks up then, throat tight and shakes his head. ]
There isn't one. [ he manages a huffed almost self-deprecating laugh and smiles. ] I guess...I don't know what I'm doing. I'm nervous? I've never been together-together with anyone and I dunno if I'll be any good at it .. you know. Here.
[ not the cell, but porn prison as a whole. keith gestures vaguely around them just to try and make that a bit clearer. ]
... and I guess I just thought you didn't want to. With me.
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likening this to a broken engagement is embarrassing on his part; they aren’t exactly dating, so does this even qualify as being dumped? he’s saved from having to reflect deeper for some sort of label, because thankfully, there’s a denial and a smile, all of it quickly becoming clear.
oh.
hindsight is twenty-twenty and now that he’s on this side of it, shiro finds it quite remarkable that he didn’t jump to this instead. nervous. keith is scared of messing up. just as shiro's feared himself – still fears, honestly.
relief comes and he laughs, a little, on a puffed exhale as keith gestures around. it’s the worst place to have a relationship, shiro isn’t blind to that, but the thought of being nothing to keith, while other people become everything in comfort, in pleasure… well, navigating a relationship here seems like the lesser evil to his peace of mind. ]
I want you.
[ it’s surprisingly easy to say. it’s the aftermath that catches him; he goes awkward in the curve of his smile and then he’s looking down, giving their joined hands a little swing. ]
Have for awhile. [ he knocks his head to the side, still watching their hands. ] I’ve been trying to figure out how to transition into it, you know… smoothly. But I, uh… [ heh; he laughs in exasperated amusement. ] Well. I guess I’m not any good at this, either.
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obviously, judging from shiro's apparent struggling here, that isn't a perspective that's just in keith's head. it'd stung at first -- of course it did. thinking that shiro would rather be pursuing other guys like toji, but whatever sour feeling that'd left in his belly has receded over time. if anything, it'd actually been kinda nice to have a relationship here that wasn't defined by or built on sex.
so with that in mind, is keith really okay with letting that go?
is it selfish to say yes if that means not having to wake up in the middle of the night to find shiro has presumably snuck off to have a tryst? keith gives shiro's hand another squeeze before huffing and abandoning the uncharitable thought. there's enough here to unpack already without adding hypocrisy to the mix. ]
But you're good at everything.
[ teasing delivered with the lightest of fist bumps to shiro's chest, keith smiles. sure. his tone is facetious but the underlying sentiment isn't. shiro's an inspiration in just about every aspect. ]
We can't both be bad at this.
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it still feels as though keith’s heart isn’t in this. like he’s trying to wind them around the topic, without ever saying yes to it. shiro doesn’t know how to feel about that. keith is welcome to say no; it’ll sting, yes, but it’s a far better option than keith committing to something he isn’t happy for. still, it’s difficult to reconcile that. what shiro said is true: he’s not any good at this sort of thing. but he thought… – he’s been certain that keith has been of similar feeling. it’s strange to come to terms with the idea that shiro may be far more attached than keith is. ]
We can figure out how to be better at this together.
[ he hates that he’s coming off as pleading, perhaps not in voice but in the words themselves, like he’s having to convince keith to give this, to give him a chance. it’s only made more embarrassing by the fact that they have an audience. shiro doesn’t glance his way, but he’s certain the space wolf is watching, fascinated, by shiro’s crashing and burning.
he looks up, instead, drawing his gaze from the floor to look keith in the eyes. ]
For the record, I’m nervous, too. You mean a lot to me.
[ some days, when he slips in thought and goes heartsick, he thinks less in terms of a lot and moves right onto everything. there isn’t a whole lot that is stable and secure in shiro’s life. keith’s a rock, though. he keeps shiro focused and confident in who he is and where he’s meant to be going in his every day, whether here or back with voltron. it’s a dependency, one that shiro isn’t necessarily proud of or comfortable having… but all the same, it’s there.
which begs the question: is attaching himself further to keith healthy? is it fair to keith? he squeezes at keith’s hand, not wanting to acknowledge his selfishness in this. ]
And yeah, I get it. This is a terrible place to try this, but… [ he licks his lips, considering; brow furrowing. ] I’m not going to let shitty circumstances dictate how I should feel about you.
[ a beat for a steadying breath. ]
I want you. [ it feels necessary to reiterate that. ] I want you so much sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. So… [ and he wavers, because was that too much? way too much honesty? ah well, no turning back now. ] I wanna call you my boyfriend, if you want that, too.
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going doe eyed in the moment, keith stares and clutches shiro's hand just a pinch tighter. i want you so much sometimes i don't know what to do with myself is an obvious exaggeration, right? and yet weirdly enough it sheds new light onto that night keith woke up alone, abandoned a sad little search for shiro to fuck anon, came back to the cube feeling guilty only to find shiro's side of the bed still empty. he'd assumed then, that shiro must've decided to be with another lover for a while, and when the thought made keith feel one too many sour feelings, abandoned the thought entirely.
c'est la vie in porn prison. the hell is the point of his jealous hypocrisy when they could both just find slices of fulfillment with other people? it's impossible to be anyone's everything, so the disappointment makes little sense. it's just ... that for so long, shiro realy had been keith's everything and regardless of how stupid of an enedavor it might be, keith thought maybe he could be that for shiro too.
coming to terms with the reality of their situation and their kinda-relationnship has been confusing and difficult, but keith had honestly found some sort of twisted in pride in being a big enough person that in the process of learning to deal, their friendship hadn't soured one bit.
but perhaps none of that had been wholly necessary. ]
You .. really want that?
[ ....and fuck. keith hadn't actually meant to ask shiro to repeat himself. heart hammering, keith ignores the way his face warms with embarrassment. the damage is done though, his hopefulness hung bright on his sleeve for shiro to see. ]
I mean -- I'd like that. [ a lot? keith considers tacking that on, but worried about over explaining himself, he instead clears his throat. ] I just seriously thought ... you wanted to be with other people only for ... y'know. Sentences.
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That was the initial plan.
[ still… is…? somewhat. he doesn’t know. there are certain things on his sentence sheet that he’s uncertain he wants to expose keith to, at least in association with him. multiple penetration, dogging, paddling, leashes, prostitution… – they can probably figure out a way to get around some of those, but just the idea of bringing them up to keith, to then have to discuss how to make it work for them, seems almost more damaging than finding some random inmate for a night.
or anonymous.
how does anonymous factor into all of this? is he saying goodbye to anonymous now that he has keith? guilt plagues him in the way he hesitates on giving himself an answer. is it considered cheating if he occasionally meets with anonymous, even though they both know they can’t maintain exclusivity here? is it cheating if anonymous may very well be –
no. anonymous and keith are not one in the same.
pushing the thought off for now, shiro weakens the sway of their hands and ends with a brushing of his thumb across keith’s, smile softer, more apologetic. ]
I… [ already trailing off; he clears his throat, face ducking slightly. ] Frankly, I don’t know how this is going to work. I’m flying blind here, too. [ he wants it to work, though. they’ll figure it out and navigate the bumps, just as they always do. ] I just want you to know that I care about you and that… maybe, if you’re comfortable with it, we could mark off some sentences together, too.
[ a pause. he furrows his brow, hastily amending. ]
Or not even sentences. That makes it sound like an obligation. Which, with you, it’s not.
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granted, he still doesn't know what to think of the fact that shiro wants to do sentences together. at first, it'd been him insisting on it out of a greater perceived comfort, but time has paradoxically eorded keith's certainty on that front. the sex keith has had here has largely been coerced in some form, either by perceived necessity or by aphrodisiac. the times it's been purely voluntary, it's been with a guy he doesn't know. though keith doesn't think he would have chosen that for himself either, he's found comfort in not having his identity attached to his body or to his pleasure. it ought to be awkward and more vulnerable, but instead keith has found freedom in being able to explore without judgment.
he bites his lip, nervous and first buys himself time to think with: ]
Well, I guess it makes me feel better to think you don't have a whole contract written out for how you want things to work here.
[ he laughs, giving shiro's hand a swing and a squeeze. perhaps it's thinking about sentences explicitly that's giving keith pause? his sheet is, in a word, nasty and while he can readily imagine that it would be nice to explore each other as it happens, the prospect of negotiating any of the harder kinks still makes keith turn hesitant.
then again, maybe comfort is a luxury neither of them really can afford. they are, after all, meant to fighting a war. this time, keith sighs heavily, breath gently lifting his bangs. ]
I think.... I can trust you with anything on my sentence sheet, [ a breath. ] ...But I still don't know how to feel about half the stuff on it. I know that's selfish because going back to ojr realities is the top priority, but...
[ he trails off, not quite looking shiro in the eye. aside from the necessity of returning to the war, returning to their realities would mean saying goodby e to this shiro, wouldn't it? ignoring the sudden pang in his chest, keith swallows. ]
... I guess what I'm tying to say is that I care about you too, and I don't want that sheet to dictate anything between us.
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strangely enough, shiro almost laughs now. shiro started off that way. it’s just sex. uncomfortable and awkward when coerced, but compared to the things they’ve seen or done due to the galra empire’s rule, they should have been able to check through their sentence sheets within, at the very least, a month. even a month, he thought, would be pushing it. afterall, getting back to continue the war was far more important than any of their individual comforts. but he didn’t push the team as he should have and he didn’t help them as he should have. and somewhere along the way, shiro got all tangled up inside his own hang-ups, now with four months under his belt, and a sentence sheet that’s not even half finished.
so maybe he takes it back. maybe he does want to specifically check off sentences with keith. he’ll have to check in with the other three, make sure they’re getting along too, because he refuses to leave until everyone goes before him but… getting close to the finish line with keith would be preferable. right?
he shifts closer, body swaying and foot gently knocking against keith’s. ] We can look over our sheets together, see what could work for us… [ he lets that hang for half a breath and then tacks on: ] – But after.
[ he lifts his metal hand and brushes keith’s bangs to the side, briefly opening up his face to, hopefully, encourage the boy to meet his eyes. ]
I want the first time to be about us.
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on some level that feels... wrong because a few other inmates have dealt with keith in that capacity, but perhaps not having much choice in the matter had made that easier. so if sharing himself with anon, clear headed and as free of coercion as this place can get was the next step, then sharing himself with shiro because that's the next development in their relationship is probably a huge leap forward, huh? exciting and yet... kinda daunting, too.
the thought gets little traction. an impatient wolf comes trotting over to butt his face into keith's open palm with a whine. keith glances down with a soft laugh, automatically skritching behind his ears.]
Heh. Okay, sorry. I know, we're supposed to be figuring out what to do about the ghost situation so you know when it's okay to nap.
[ but he looks up again at shiro, expression moony as he squeezes his hand. ]
.. but that sounds good. I'd like that. Kinda wish it could always just be about us.
[ a whine!! ]
...And you, too, buddy.
OCTOBER EVENT; amusement park.
another month spent, this time with a full embrace of calling each other boyfriend. it’s been good. it’s gone well. shiro’s affection for keith has only deepened and he’s confident enough to believe the same can be said about keith. meaning? they’re at the end of their pact. tonight they turn off their devices, hole themselves up in bed, banish the space wolf from the premises and finally see how well their chemistry translate into their bodies moving together.
that is… if they ever find their way back to shiro’s cube.
it’s an interesting dilemma. part of him wants to return to the familiar sights of the prison because returning means his cube, his bed, and keith in it, but the other part of him enjoys the change in pace, even if what they’re given is a somewhat run down park. dilapidated in some places and outright ominous in others, the stalls, the games, the rides shouldn’t be counted on. except, shiro and keith have already taken their chances with a few of the rides, the utter disarray of his wind-wiped floof a testament to the speedrun coaster they just finished.
currently, they’re taking a break from courting death and are at a game stall, dozens upon dozens of plushies hanging above their heads. ]
I’ll sink it in a red one, just for you.
[ a quick grin to keith and then shiro is staring ahead, brow furrowing as concentration intensifies. he’s got a bucket of ping pongs clutched in his left arm and he’s standing a good three feet from the countertop. the name of the game is ball and cup bounce. essentially, he has to land a ping pong into one of the many cups after a single bounce. sounds simple enough.
except his first ball bounces off a rim. his second falls in between the cups. his third lacks power and doesn’t even clear the counter. embarrassing. ]
… Instead of logging hours in the sim, I guess I should’ve been attending dorm parties and practicing my beer pong.
that icon always makes me laugh
besides. if they're meant to fulfill their pact tonight, maybe relaxing with a bit of fun beforehand isn't exactly the worst idea.
by all accounts going on a date with shiro at an amusement park is completely surreal, the reality of it increasingly made funnier and more jarring by the empty, haunted atmosphere. part of him keeps wanting to giggle at the absurdity, the other part of him a little too wary to laugh too loudly because porn prison has a habit of turning chaotic and horrifying in the blink of an eye.
hard not to grin though, when shiro says he's going to win keith a prize. he squeezes shiro's hand, then steps to the side to watch each disastrous throw. ]
Heh. Even if you had gone to those parties, wouldn't you have spent the whole time sulking about not being in the flight sim?
[ nudging shiro's side with his elbow, keith reaches for a ball of his own. ]
Besides. Aren't these crazy rigged? Bet this place has some stupid rule like they'll only go into the right cup if you do something dirty with the ball.
he's so UNSURE also this is the shortest tag i've ever written who am i
catching that late, he makes up for it by relaxing his left shoulder, to tip the bucket toward keith’s hand. a lot of good that does him. he’s right back to scrunching up his brows, his nose, his mouth, a sour, forlorn sort of noise reverberating in the back of his throat. no. no. that can’t be the key to winning this game… right? he finds himself staring at the ping pong in keith’s hand, before he looks the one in his own, rolling it back and forth between fingers and thumb. ]
I like balls, but I’m not sucking on these, if that’s what you’re getting at.
YEHA WHO ARE YOU, you imposter
maybe it's a nothing statement that a gay man should like balls and possibly sucking on them, but it rather stupidly makes keith go a little rosy around the cheeks before he quickly tosses the ball up with a spin and catch. ], I wasn't suggesting anything! Just pointing out how the world is?
[ though maybe the two are one and the same. keith's expression turns sheepish as he deigns a sudden interest in the ping pong ball in his hand. squinting at the rows adn rows of cups, keith gives his unloved ball a casual toss only for it to clatter off the rim and drop to the ground. ]
...oh. [ frowning!! it's stupid to take offense at the mockery this game is making of his aim when the problems already been identified, but.... ] ... Thing is definitely rigged.
[ petty? sore loser? of course not. ]
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. this is also shortish. what is happening.
so yeah, probably rigged. not that he’s going to cut his losses. shiro’s stubborn too and his is particularly bullheaded. for now, he sidelines his gaze, peeking at that frowny face before turning his head for a full look, snorting softly on the beginnings of a laugh. ]
Uh huh. It’s because you’re not giving the ball any love.
[ teasing and said with a grin. not that he wants to watch keith suck on any balls either, at least not ones of the ping pong variety. he gives his throat a clear as a reminder to himself that this isn’t the place to be picturing keith, half obscured by a sheet and smiling up at him through the splay of his thighs. later. after he’s won this blasted game and they’ve found their way back to his cube. so – best get to work on that first one. ]
Or maybe… it’s that the ball handler isn't receiving any love. [ okay, so maybe his thoughts haven’t returned fully to their default setting of pure and responsible. he gives the ball another roll between his fingers. ] Maybe, you should give me a kiss for luck.
yeah who are you. HOW SUS.
thankfully, shiro goes on to clarify his actual meaning and keith relazes visibly. he laughs quietly, shaking his head in disbelief with himself. of course shiro wouldn't be suggesting anything weird with that thing in the corner. ]
Heh. Just maybe?
[ keith raises an eyebrow, smile spreading slow but warm. ]
Can't believe you're trying to con me into kissing you for science.
[ actually, no. that's entirely believable. it's just that it still feels kinda new and exciting to be playing these boyfriend only games with shiro. so, despite fully recognizing this for what it is, is keith going to turn his boy down? no. he'll take a half step closer, step up onto his toes and press a kiss to shiro's cheek .
.... and then kiss the other one, a half beat later. see, that's not self indulgence, it's: ]
For double luck.
I AM NOT A SEAL. also, i'm still scarred by that animatronic.
I feel luckier already.
[ he’s still got that ping pong in hand, rolling it once more, as he similarly gives his right shoulder a roll. it’s peacocking; like he’s putting on a show with the way he turns his face forward and lines up the shot. a breath, a cock back of his hand, and then a release to have the ping pong bouncing off the counter to go careening toward the layout of cups. it’s not skill that has it bouncing off one rim and it’s not luck that has the trajectory changing so impossibly toward another cup. it’s a straight up miracle.
the ping pong drops into the cup, seemingly not even grazing the sides on its way down. hot damn. it’s a red one, too. he doesn’t actually hear it clink the bottom over the stutter of his own breath, disbelief coloring his voice. ]
It worked? [ brain lags behind for one beat and then, abruptly, he visibly jerks with the straightening of his shoulders, his spine. his expression picks up too, just like the rest of him: his grin back and blinding in his utter excitement. ] It worked!
[ and then he turns on keith. he shoves the bucket into the crook of his other arm, just so he can grab at keith. he dips down with a bend of his knees and snags keith at the waist, lifting back to height and hauling keith along with him. keith’s legs go on for days, but those feet won’t be grazing the ground for a few ticks here, because shiro is laughing and hugging keith, one-armed, to his body. ]
We did it, baby! [ oh. wait. they’re not there yet. ] – Keith.
but it makes sense!! tl;dr so hard to type with flippers.... best flop away from the animatronic!
good thing the ball's miraculous flight path ends up being sufficient distraction from the distinctly moony quality of his thoughts, huh? keith blinks, disbelief plain to see. as certain as he'd been about the rigging, he was really only half serious about how to win...
there are some real questions to be asked here like how the fuck this amusement park has seemingly set this game up to even enable this gimmick, but with a toe in that rabbit hole and the reminder that he turned fucking purple here once is sufficient cause to abandon the headache waiting to happen. looks like shiro is right there with him -- or should that be on him? the arm wraps tight around his waist and keith has exactly enough time to blurt: ]
Woah!
[ before throwing his arms around shiro's chest to cling. barely a beat later and keith winds up laughing airily, releasing one shoulder to promptly ruffle fingers through an already wind swept floof. ]
Hey!
[ he starts, then stops rather ineloquently. baby. right. boyfriends do that sort of thing. calling each other by pet names and sweet nothings and -- fuck. his face starts to warm all over again, heart beating a little too fast for something so innocuous. baby. does he like it when shiro calls him baby? does eh want to be shiro's baby? is he meant to call him something cheesy right back? flustering, the tussle slows and keith pushes back shiro's hair from his face. ]
You did it, you... waffle?
[ .... f u c k. flushing harder with embarrassment because he doesn't have a clue how the hell that'll be taken, he ads hastily: <.small>]
You know.. cuz they're sweet?
[ fuckfuckfcuk. but if there's any silver lining to this situation, it's found surprisingly in the form of that horrid animatronic. music starts to play from a rusted speaker in its chest as it slowly whirs to life and points upwards to the prizes hanging from the rafters. ]
i'm no longer speaking to you
and he supposes that’s why he likes it. it’s horribly clunky – waffle, seriously? – but only keith would default to something so off the wall. it’s obvious keith does not realize how endearing this is, which shiro should remedy, instead of going a touch moony over how amusingly cute his best friend is, but then there’s music. of course shiro looks. it isn’t that he hadn’t seen that horrid creation earlier; it’s extremely difficult to miss. but largely ignoring the sick contortion of its shape is easier when it’s not making noise and… moving…?
shiro allows himself one, full tick to stare, sickened and wary, at the booth attendant and then he’s pointedly looking away. he’s yet to put keith down and he will continue to hold him up despite the strain in his left shoulder as he takes one stride, two strides forward. that’s all it takes for him to be at the counter, where he drops off the bucket of ping pongs. right hand now free, he grasps at keith with it and together, he gently lowers keith until his feet touch the ground. ]
So I’m sweet like a waffle.
[ the grin is back and closer, too, because shiro crowds into keith’s space with a bend, playfully nudging his forehead to keith’s. ]
Maybe I should call you strawberry, then. Sweet, red, and the best topping for a waffle.
[ topping. topper? he hears it afterwards and thinks, wait, though he’s interrupted from going any further with it. the thing is… it isn’t just music now. the thing speaks amidst the tune and it’s weird. shiro lifts his head off of keith’s, reluctantly staring over at the robo-attendant. ]
That… needs to never speak again. [ which, of course, it does, by repeating the same thing. seems it will continue to do so until they hurry up and comply. sheesh, someone should tell it about patience. ] Okay, okay, uh… this is cute.
[ and he releases keith to shuffle over a step, reaching up to tug down this very happy guy. ]
How about this?
.... oh.
strawberry. the title seemingly rings in keith's ears and with the way his face continues to warm, he's pretty sure he might look like a strawberry, too. how embarrassing. waffe and strawberry. strawberry and waffle..... fuck. there's no getting around the fact that the more keith mulls this over, the more his brain brain goes into an infinite loop of processing errors. he manages a tiny, again, embarrassing mewl of a half-answer, that cuts off right around when that thing starts to speak.
keith startles visibly, eyes locked in on the possibility of a threat as shiro puts him down on the ground. is summoning his bayard completely overkill? probably. at the very least, conventional wisdom suggests a date shouldn't include things like stabbing animatronic robots, right? right. he continues to watch the creepy thing while shiro deals with the demand it's making.
and that's when he spots a sticker on its chest. the sticker is peeling at the corners and yellowed with age, but the name remains distressingly legible. keith stares, only slightly taken out of the staring by the question being asked of him. frankly, he only gives the smiling face a passing glance before nodding and ste taking a large step away from jonorrhea and its many, many balls. ]
Uh-huh. It uh... kinda looks like a Bii-Boh-Bi.
[ it looks nothing like a bii-boh-bi. particularly around the base and head, but that's something to mull over later. ]
.... you know i don't mean it.
That’s a good thing, right?
[ holding the plush between both his hands, shiro stares at the sparkling eyes for a beat longer and then turns to keith. ]
A little something from, uh… home?
[ sort of? is it comforting to have a plush of a practical stranger from your home universe? shiro’s leaning toward, no, no it’s not, but before he can delve into that further, a practical stranger from this universe is butting in again.
why does it sound like that?
oh. god. and what is that? is it actually named jonorrhea. as in gonorrhea? ]
Here. [ still squinting at jonorrhea, shiro holds the plush out toward keith, gently, yet insistently pushing it into keith’s arms. ] Let’s go before that thing starts walking.
[ and then he’s ushering keith away by pressing his hand firmly to his back. one step, two step, and now they’re picking up speed on the stride because what the fuck? ]
don't you :c
that all said, exercising restraint in the face of solicitations and harassment leaves a very sour taste in keith's mouth. with shiro's arm pushing his back and swiftly herding them away, keith merely grumbles under his breath as he walks. ]
Should shove a sword through it.
[ though perhaps it would like that for some godforsaken reason. with a pouty hmph, keith wraps his arms tighter around the dubious bii-boh-bi plush, takes a deep breath and looks to shiro with a small smile. ]
That was weird. But thanks for the plush, Shiro.
[ circumstances aside, it's ... kinda nice actually? being at a carnival with a boyfriend who wants to show off and win prizes for him. warming significantly with that thought, keith's shoulders relax, tension visibly lifting as he surveys the park. a rusted sign posted at a fork in the path reads fun house and carousel pointing left and right respectively. keith raises an eyebrow. ]
Are fun houses actually fun?
you are a bean that i cherish ok
he looks over at keith then, smile already in place before he’s even settled his gaze. as soon as he sees keith there, though, hugging the plush comfortably with its upside down heart shape of a head close to keith’s face… that smile sobers slightly. there’s something about the way that looks. he can’t put his finger on it but… he’s distracted with a feeling he can’t discern, the kind that scrambles his belly and knocks hard at his ribs. ]
You’re welcome…
[ he sounds distracted because he is. he realizes it, though, so there’s a saving grace in a self-awareness that has him shaking his head and looking forward. ah, a decision. he comes to a stop in front of the signs, looking one way, then the other, before once more, taking a chance at looking at keith. he feels it again; heat in a very inappropriate place in this very inappropriate time. he clears his throat and musters up a grin. ]
They have to be! They wouldn’t lie to us.
[ false advertisement and all that, right? ]
Besides… I’ll take my chances with the Fun House. Because that carousel, uhm…
[ it’s not that far off; it’s easily seen from where they’re standing. there are a few horses – unicorns – but the ride is largely made of, well, large phalluses. ]
oh. okay then c:
keith's expression scrunches with a shudder as he abruptly swivels his gaze back to shiro, arms clutching a little tighter around his plush as he nods in vigorous agreement. ]
.... Yeah, let's skip the carousel.
[ granted, the visual absurdity of watching shiro cling to a giant dick might actually be kinda amusing, but not enough that the public spectacle would be worth. it's a thought that might warrant some unpacking, really. a private dick riding is okay, but not a public one? he blushes, looking down at his feet as he starts heading down the fork to the absolutely correctly advertised fun house. silence holds for a few beats until he decides the closest thing to a "proper date" they're likely to have while held prisoner shouldn't be spent feeling awkward. ]
Hey, Shiro? After this, let's go back?
[ it's the mildest way keith can think of putting it. the park itself isn't crowded by any means, but there's an atmosphere about's the opposite of the peace and quiet that he prefers to spend his time in. heh. not that going back today of all days is going to be spent quietly, but that's a prospect that's both nerve wracking and exciting? keith still hasn't quite settled on which.
what's less ambiguous is that once they walk a few more yards, the fun house comes into much clearer view.
ah. so perhaps this is why so many kids have a fear of clowns???? ]
THE VERY BEST BEAN. it's not even midnight wow
Okay, sure. This should be pretty quick, anyway.
[ should be and will be, because when that horrific sight comes into view, shiro is especially motivated to get in and get out with quick strides. closer and closer now, they wander toward the ramped railing of the attraction's entrance, and there, shiro has to reconsider the options. perhaps he should be the one to ask for them to leave now. it feels a bit like backing down from a challenge, though. like he’s spooked from the gaudiness of the exterior. playing a coward in front of his boyfriend, as a prelude to their first night together… – probably not the best kind of mood to set.
arguably, visiting a fun house isn’t the greatest form of foreplay, either. still, shiro sets his shoulders to breathe life into his determination and then, gently, pries one of keith’s hands loose from the plush, to hold it at their sides. he tilts his head, sidelining a glance toward keith, mouth upkicked for a slanted smile. ]
Seems popular enough. So it can’t be that bad.
[ it’s true, three people pile onto the ramp ahead of them and hurry up. another scoots in and… huh, funny that they’re all men. before another group can wander in before them, shiro tugs at keith’s hand and gets them on the ramp to start up. no line, no wait, everything moves quickly, and so, soon they’re walking through that clown’s mouth and through an archway that then turns to the left. it’s narrower here, with trick mirrors framing on both sides as they scoot along some metal rollies. it leads them right into some brightly colored punching bags, which they have to squeeze in between. he laughs, because what else is he meant to do when confronted with such lame entertainment? he supposes it’s fun, if only because keith, now free to use both his hands, is behind him, dealing with the same ridiculousness.
… and then it isn’t so ridiculous. the path turns sharply to the right and the entire room opens up into long running walls that have dozens of circular cut-outs. the fun is considerably less childlike then. ]
… Do you think the big, open mouth entrance was meant to be a warning?
[ making a joke at a time like this? it’s distraction and anxiety that has his mouth moving, uttering such embarrassment. it helps, at least momentarily, to mask the wet sound of the man on his knees immediately to the left, face pressed close to the wall, but not close enough to block view of the cock being pressed down his throat. ]
YEAH WOW. idk what to do with forbidden pre midnight praise
whatever misgivings he may have had about the fun house based solely on the exterior, however, still manage to be understated once they set foot inside the premises. as they walk into the narrow hall, keith physically freezes, eyes locked onto the rows of holes and the prisoners kneeling or bent over presenting before them.
the greedy suckling noises from the man closest to them snaps keith gaze towards him, but there's still a mortified, yet faraway expression on his face as he stares. in all his time spent sucking down anon's cock through the hole in the bathroom door of that house, keith has never once thought about what he looked like doing it. or more accurately, he's never once wanted to think about it. the wide stretch of this man's lips as a cock pushes in deep makes keith's body go tense as he lets out s quiet choked noise of this own.
fuck, that isn't remotely the correct reaction. distantly, keith's aware that shiro's sayigg something, but the words feel faraway and as disemboeided as the cocks poking through each little opening. ]
Uh...
[ it's all keith can manage. between that and finally snapping his eyes away from the guy happily blowing and drooling, keith has finally moved past from his initial paralysis to a sudden curdling at the pit of his stomach. is anon dick here feeding his cock into some new guy? drawing them smiley faces and telling them they mean something?
fuck. it doesn't matter. it never mattered because he's with thth shiro who means more to him that keith knows what to do with. but it stings all the same to be left behind without a word. maybe it's not at all personal and the guy just got sent back home on praole or whatever the prison official claim about disappearances, but....
no. keith gives himself a mental shake, refusing to cede any ground to grief when this is meant to be a date with his best friend. keith breathes out, arms loosening fruther around the plush as he finally, very belatedly looks at shiro with an embarrassed smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. ]
I... sorry. Place is kinda distracting. I.. wow. Guess I always figured porn prison would be more straight forward about orgies...
i'm surprised the world hasn't ended
so he looked like that, huh? drool wetting his lips and throat expanding? he doesn’t think he would have ever been so bold as to frequent a set-up like this. it’s too exposed. the lights of the room are kept low, with very little light from outside filtering through, but all the same, he can make out faces and features if he cares to look, maybe even dig up some familiarity to those he’s seen on the prison grounds. on the other side of the door, though – maybe? maybe he would have liked trying this, just to lose himself in the sound of not one mouth, but dozens of mouths slurping and moaning. in some odd way, he feels as though, if that were true, that it would be a relief. then it’d be the kink itself. dirty, filthy, embarrassing as it is, it’s somehow better than him only wanting gloryholes and veiled identities when it comes to one anonymous in particular.
is he here? shiro ended things between them rather abruptly, at least on his end. he regrets that now. not him stopping their trysts, but for not doing it properly with an explanation of sorts. every time he’d tried to write a note, it had seemed… juvenile. like he was breaking up with someone via letter, even though they’d never been together or dating or whatever. there had been no lasting agreement to continue, so he’d simply used that as his needed justification to stop checking for signals and notes. so again, he wonders if anonymous mouth is here, getting his fill. anonymous mouth seemed to have enjoyed his anonymity just as much as shiro, so likely not. he wouldn’t be the type to join in this sort of orgy.
orgy?
shiro drags his gaze away from the guy in the red tank top two holes down, seemingly just realizing that keith is talking to him. embarrassing; he’d just been talking, too, and his attention drifted that much in the span of a few seconds? he clears his throat, fixating on keith’s smile and trying not to allow his attention to be leached again. ]
They do like to spring things on us though…
[ there’s a bang and there goes shiro’s attention, once more swiveling to, not red tank top guy, but the next one over, head steady and mouth dripping as the door shakes with a bang of someone’s hips. oh. shiro knows what that’s like. again, he clears his throat and looks away. ]
Hopefully this isn’t some sort of, in order to leave, you must participate, thing. Because I, uh… wow, I wouldn’t even know what to do.
don't jinx it!!
fuck. it's not that he finds any of this arousing -- it's not. this whole orgy is as awkward as it is embarrassing, and keith doesn't like being presented with an all too vivid image of what his own pleasure seeking looked like. the banging cuts off aburptly as something wet drips from the corners of the man's mouth. keith bites his lower lip anxiously as he looks past him and towards the door on the far side of the hallway. the dim lighting makes it hard to see exactly how many people are here, but the air is full of slick, wet noises and lewd grumblings.
it's -- it's been a while. prior to porn prison, keith hadn't really thought of himself as a person with requirements for intimacy and touch. outside of the occasiol jerk off session to help him relax, he hadn't really felt compelled to go looking for more. being with shiro has changed that, but before shiro it'd been anon who made him think that maybe intinacy with others wasn't so bad? again, he swallows, trying not to stare at a waiting phallus pushed through a hole further dwon the line.
it's strange really, how had this ever felt safe? him and anon were alone. sure, but there'd always been risks and potential for abuse and it had simply never happened. anon made it feel safe to explore things keith felt he couldn't, and now? anon isn't that at all. just... just another dick in the facility.
keith isn't looking at shiro by the time his boyfriend collects himself enough to speak, but the words sure as hell startle him into doing that. fuck. horrified by the thought, and just as mortified by shiro's innocence here, keith's face and ears burn hot as he stammers: ]
I- [ shit. the thought hadn't even crossed his mind that this isn't a voluntary orgy at all. for all he knows, a public suck off is the only way out of this fun house and anxiety twists his stomach into knots. ] No.
[ no? like porn prison has ever cared about his deisres? ]
Not like this.
[ because being intimate with shiro is supposed to be different. on their terms, for starters. trying to get a grip on himself, keith takes a deep breath then remembers: ]
If we can't get out that door, I'm breaking it with my bayard.
x:<
they were joking a moment ago. stilted and awkward, sure, but keith had even forced a smile and so, shiro, being the fool that he is, didn’t overanalyze it. idiot that he is was too busy thinking about a certain anonymous when he should have been putting every ounce of attention into taking care of his boyfriend. a boyfriend who was traumatized with forced sexual acts shortly after receiving his sentence.
shiro makes a joke about hoping they don’t have to participate to get out? what the fuck is wrong with him?
whether or not it’s the right thing to be doing now, when keith likely already feels cornered and claustrophobic, shiro can’t help the immediate step closer as he crowds in what he hopes is comforting. or at the very least, enough to block some of the scene around them. get him out. it quickly becomes the only thing in his head; a single goal that he is entirely willing to go down for. property destruction? yeah, sure, he’ll take a demerit for that. ]
Not before I punch a hole through it. [ and he takes keith’s hand in his again, loathing himself for ever having dropped it to begin with. he gives a tug as he walks ahead, full intention being to muscle his way through anyone who so much as wanders in their way. ] Come on.
[ it should have been fine. most everyone is occupied. a quicker step and maybe they would’ve made it, but shiro feels a backward tug that falters his stride and has him pausing, head quickly turning with a jerk to peer over his shoulder. a man, knelt on the floor with his shirt bunched up to his armpits and residue on her lips, has a hand outstretched and fisted in keith’s pantleg. ]
Is yours as big, sweetcheeks?
[ his gaze gives an appraising look to mr. bii-boh-bi, then back to keith. ]
Which door are you pickin’? I gotta know.
=u=
it's impossible to tell with such poor lighting if any of them are anon dick's. what would he even do if he could perfectly recognize and identify the guy by his dick, anyway? drag his feet, make shiro hold his plush to walk over and punch a dick? would that even be cathartic considering the interrogation shiro would put him through later?
perhaps if keith were paying attention to things other than waggling penises waiting for a willing receptacle, he'd have seen the danger posed by those on the ground. he actually gasps when a hand snatches a fistful of his pants, only to make a horrible choking noise at the man's familiar gravelly voice. seized by the sudden fear that perhaps he's been recognized, it takes keith a moment of forced deep breathing to even register the comically bizarre accent is obviously disqualifying for this to be his anon.
.... and then a further minute to register that he's being propositioned. by someone wantng to know if his dick is bii-boh-bi sized. the instinct to kick out and forcibly break the man's grip fizzles as his brain force quits on the spot. ]
No!
[ fuck is that all he can say? flustering, keith almost drops the plush and manages to catch it by the stubby rounded feet before it hits the ground. ... but not before the head bonks their new friend jven on the head. ]
No? Shame. But you can slap with me around with yours anyway.
[ having just been on the verge of apologizing, keith finds himself extremely pleased for being slow on the delivery. with the need to yell rising exponentially, he snatches up the plush, shoving it against shiro's chest for him to secure. ]
Hold this.
[ the inmate chuckles, pleased by the apparent acceptance of the offer. the delight is short lived however, when keith rolls his eyes. ]
Why would I ever choose you when I'm with him?
[ grabbing shiro's hand, keith resumes walking again, annoyance doesn't lift easily, not when he's dealing with nobody's, but it does feel better having said that aloud. ]
this isn't breaskfast porn sadly. it's more like brunch porn.
he needs to step it. the moments have piled up, however, and his delay is what earns him a plush being shoved into his arms not even a millisecond after his muscles tense in his legs. he never takes that intended step and instead, is made to watch, then follow, as keith takes up lead. now, he wouldn’t say he’s pleased by the scene keith made…
who is he kidding, of course he’s pleased. realistically, shiro never felt threatened by someone with dirty knees and a dirty mouth, desperately trying to steal keith away but it’s… invigorating to be chosen. their boyfriend status is new and it’s exciting, how confident keith sounded in saying, essentially, shiro is his and he’s shiro’s, too. now shiro’s the one clutching at the oversized plush and trying to muscle down a moony expression that has no business being on his face in a dimly lit, overstuffed room of amateur exhibitionists.
busy trying to school his features, shiro doesn’t say anything in the handful of seconds it takes to reach the door. that’s sobering in itself and pausing before it, shiro manages to uncurl his smile. ]
Is it… [ locked? impenetrable? he brushes by keith and turns his body, shoving his hip to the push bar. he’s fully expecting to meet resistance, but the door gives and he almost stumbles over his own feet as it swings outward. still holding keith’s hand, shiro gives it a squeeze and now he’s the one back in the lead as he pushes the door wider with his foot and pulls keith outside. it’s technically not the exit. they can continue to another section by going to the left, one that seemingly heads toward an upstairs. there’s a ramp leading down to the carnival grounds, however; guess some people only want to visit the gloryhole room before tapping out. ]
I take back my earlier comment. [ he starts leading keith down the ramp, more than happy to put this place behind them. ] Fun Houses aren’t so fun.
[ an almost laugh that doesn’t hold any genuine humor and then, after a pause, a gentler, more careful: ]
You okay?
how dare you
Uh...
[ his voice is quiet, shoulders tense and waiting for something else to actually be the obstruction, but with shiro leading them down the ramp and rest of the amusement park now mere feet away, keith is forced to refocus. ]
Um... [ there it is again, his trademark eloquence rearing its head for the world to see. giving himself a mental kick, keith shifts his line of sight from the fairground where inmates have lined up to purchase cotton candy to his boyfriend.
is he okay? for a moment, keith thinks he might actually burst into laughter. ]
Ww just escaped from a random orgy and ... [ squint. ] You got me a dick.
[ if he sounds bewildered, that's because he is. with the smiley face of the plush turned inwards to shiro's chest, the phallic shape takes on its proper context. keith wrinkles his nose, something tickling the back of his throat as he huffs completely incredulously. ]
I... they put a smiley face on it.
[ .... like another certain someone would have? wait, shit. no. the tentative laughter cuts off abruptly, and keith teeters, lips pulling in a tense line that could go either into a smile or a scowl. ]
I... [ shit, what was the question again? flushing with embarrassment, keith looks down at his feet as he lets shiro lead them back to the cubes. ] ...I don't know how to feel.
[ about anything, really other than a growise, knowing that his boyfriend's sweet concern would curdle with disgust if he knew keith had been intimate with a guy through a hole. and not just once, but repeatedly. unable to make any eye contact, keith keeps his grip on shiro's hand loose. ]
... Hey, I know what your answer is gonna be, but I just need to hear it in your voice, okay? If we start being intimate and you don't like it for whatever reason, you wouldn't just stop talking to me, right?
now i just gotta do the seven hobbit meal times
he’s getting sidetracked.
giving himself another mental slap, shiro keeps walking, keeps leading down, down the ramp. the ramp ends and his feet touch the dirt, the carnival spreading out every which way and offering up dozens of avenues to take. the exit had been… this way? he thinks? either way, he sets course and hopes for the best.
he’s tempted, not even ten steps later, to stop, though. what keith asks can only suggest a much deeper problem that deserves more than the back of shiro’s head and an answer over his shoulder. the desire to get out of this place is strong, however; so while he doesn’t stop to address keith with the full weight of his gaze and attention, shiro slows his steps until they sync next to each other, the two of them walking together, rather than shiro tugging him along. the path ahead of them is wide; the open corridor made by lines of food stands isn’t overcrowded in the middle, so shiro stops watching where his feet are leading him and turns his head to keith beside him.
right is the answer, though a wholly inadequate one. knowing this, shiro swings, perhaps, a little too far the other way. ]
You’re invaluable to me, Keith. I’m not walking away from you – ever.
[ whether or not they’re together, shiro wants keith in his life in some capacity. preferably with the title of best friend, since it suits keith so well. he tightens his grip then, making up for the looseness of keith’s. ]
And we deserve a chance. I wouldn’t give up on us like that. [ he tried to stop it before it could ever begin, yes, but things are different now. ] Our chemistry is, well, you know. You feel it. [ his smile isn’t shy, but there’s definitely a sweeter, boyish quality to it, his head turning forward again. ] So I doubt we’re going to have a problem, anyway.
YELLS. i guess that's good motivation to bury you properly this weekend
there's nothing to discuss at length here, after all. the uncertainty following anon's abrupt disinterest isn't shiro's doing, and he isn't so insecure as to think one random barely-there relationship will predict the fallout of the closest bond he's ever had to another person. a simple right would've sufficed, but of course shiro goes above that.
keith listens, gradually tightening his grip on shiro's hand in turn. eye contact is still difficult to make, though he forces it for two beats before turning his face forward again to watch the path back to the cubes.. ]
Okay.
[ the reply is inadequate -- something keith makes up for a beat late. ]
Thanks. I'm not seriously worried about it or anything, just .. nervous, I guess.
[ and also now a little too aware of his own sexual preferences now than he was previously. how the hell do boyfriends talk about things like that? do they talk about things like that or simply fall into configurations that work? trying not to overthink, keith shakes his head and gives shiro's hand a squeeze. ]
H-how do you like things anyway? [ things? fuck. if he can't be bold enough to just spit out proper words, then maybe he shouldn't be talking about this at all. annoyed, keith amends: ] Sex, I mean.
/insert gif of doggo tapping his paws
actually, given the location, this is an entirely appropriate conversation to be having in public. he laughs unintentionally at that, head turning to give keith a brief glance. ]
Where do I even start with a question like that?
[ good-humored, it’s more teasing than anything else. he only means… it’s generalized enough that he doesn’t know what direction to take. it’s restrictive, only in that it’s too open-ended, so he ends up tripping over his own thoughts trying to organize them into an answer. there is, of course, also the fact that thinking about what he likes in bed has him thinking about how he doesn’t always like things in bed, that sometimes he likes unconventional places for sex. too much. he’ll start with the obvious. ]
I like pleasing my partner, there’s that. [ he always pegged himself as a service top. adam was… directive, and shiro had no qualms about following through with whatever his then fiance wanted from him. the list hadn’t been all that extensive, unfortunately; he's hoping keith is more agreeable to indulging shiro. ]
So I guess you can say I like foreplay. Handjobs, blowjobs, rimjobs, fingering… I like doing a little of everything before, you know… [ now he’s being the wavering one; polite, sensible, sweet faced shiro hesitating on saying dirty words. ] – Putting my dick inside you.
[ actually, that sounds dirtier than fucking you would have. ]
.... i can see this gif so clearly in my mind
if his face wasn't pink before, it almost certainly is now. to say that he had no intention to judge is a misrepresentation, only in that keith had assumed shiro's sexual preferences were, if not entirely squeaky clean, at least not quite as overtly filthy as mouth on ass. silly of keith, really, to assume that kind of kink was something reserved for folks who prefer to keep their identities a secret for the ages. keith never stops walking, but he swivels his face , eyes round as he stares at shiro's mouth.
really? is a risiculous question to ask in follow up. fortunately for shiro, he's spared the incredulity, but only because the rest of his assertions make keith splutter.
You....
[ heat burns up to the tips of his ears and keith hastily blinks, eyes forward again as they approach a set of turnstiles at the exit. glad to have a proper excuse to let go of shiro's hand, he clears his throat and passes through the gate.
one breath, then two and he turns to wait for shiro on the other side, shoulders tense despite a conscious attempt to stay relaxed. ]
You want me to bottom...?
[ that shouldn't come as a surprise. tall, broad and atrong -- shiro checks off every point going down the list of stereotypes for tops. hell, it barely takes any imagination to see that having shiro take charge in this capacity as well is a stunning dream. it's just.... ]
I've... [ never done that before?> no, the phrasing is wrong and yet... it isn't. keith has never bottomed for a guy with his face and identity in plain sight. as much as keith realizes there's no shame in finding pleasure in this way, it's still a guilty pleasure at best -- not something he necessarily wanted brought into the light for scrutiny. ]
I... [ fuck. where the hell is he going with all these start-stop aborted trains of thought? brow furrowing, keith lets out a deep breath, rubbing the back of his head. ] ... I guess I should have seen that coming, huh?
[ he laughs, more of a nervous huff as he forces a smile. ]
Didn't see the rimming thing coming though.
[ yes, that's a deflection. shut up and let keith have this while he scrambles to make sense of his head. it's not even that he finds rimming gross at this point -- anon's seen to that extremely thorouhgly in the end. ]
it's the appropriate gif to welcome maru tags
perhaps too plainly if keith looks nervous and forced in his reception.
it’s a defeating thought, one that knocks shiro’s confidence down a few more pegs. he gets through the turnpike though, hefting the plush up in the loop of his arm and holding it close, semi supported on his hip. ]
It’s okay if you aren’t into that. [ rimming. he smiles as he steps close, but he doesn’t take keith’s hand. some things are easy to pick up on. a loose grip, placating squeezes, and a hastily dropped hand… – shiro will just grip his free hand to the plush as well, holding it entirely as gives a short nod forward, continuing in his stride and trusting keith to come along. ] It’s not a deal-breaker.
[ it hadn’t been with adam. he hopes this isn’t keith flat out saying no to it, but if it is, shiro likes him quite a lot more than the pastime of mouthing at ass. there is a possible problem, though. an incompatibility that he hadn’t at all considered, because keith asked him to do it months ago. he wanted shiro to fuck him. sure, he’d been high on aphro but the fact is the same: at one point, keith wanted to bottom for him. has that changed? ]
But, um… you’re surprised I’m a top? Is that… a deal-breaker?
bless that pupper...
it's ridiculous to be wary of talking about sexual preferences with a boyfriend, but the last time keith had mentioned being intimate with someone else, it'd blown up in his face hadn't it? the past is the past, sure, but it's not like either of them have done too much talking about their experiences with others.
.....or no. that's not fair. shiro had talked to him about alinaa and how the experience had left him feeling used and dirty in retrospect. but that's just part of the problem, isn't it? porn prison has made sex something punitive, something to commiserate over or be anxious about when it shouldn't have to be.
in fact, if keith tries hard enough to ignore the occasional prisoner and the familiar run down buildings, he can just think as any other conversation he might have with shiro. it's ... natural, right? to talk to his best friend about things he likes, the things he's embarrassed by? keith's expression falters somewhat, then jogs the two steps he's fallen behind to put his hand on shiro's shoulder. ]
No, I -- I like rimming. I just thought. ... it wasn't your thing?
[ he laughs sheepishly, cheeks still pink as he smiles up at his boyfriend. ]
You know. I just never pictured you that way? [ a beat: ] Uhh, not that I was imagining you being into specific kinks. [ heart hammering, keith takes his hand off shiro's shoulder and scrubs down his face. ] I mean, I was but -- not like that. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
[ hand still plastered on his face, keith ducks his head, hiding behind the sweep of his hair as he continues. ]
... A-and you being a top isn't a deal breaker. It's just... [ forcing himself to relax only gets as far as a smidge of tension dropping from his shoulders, voice dropping low to near whispers. ] ... it feels weird to like it.
there are so many good doggo gifs, i'm still laughing about the floppy seal doggo
how many guys did it take for keith to realize he likes rimming? how many guys did it take for keith to realize he likes bottoming? he asks himself these questions in the moments that he eyes the heavy fall of keith’s bangs and then does his best to dismiss them. he doesn’t want to know. he does, however, want to know why keith’s uncertain over a preference he clearly has. shelving his own misplaced uncertainty, shiro moves closer, letting go of their plush friend with one hand to, gently, draw those bangs to the side with a drag of his fingers. ]
Why?
[ he doesn’t drop to keith’s pitch but it’s soft in his want to understand. there’s a smile, too. tentative at first, but encouraging by the next beat. ]
That’s kind of the point, you know. You’re supposed to like it.
i love that doggo with all my heart LOL
I know, I know... [ chagrined, keith sucks in a deep breath before dragging his hand down and away to force a no nonsense air. ] It feels good when your prostate's getting all banged up.
[ resisting the urge to fold his arms, keith sighs audibly, breath ruffling his hair. ]
I don't know, Shiro. I just never pictured myself being... okay with, you know. [ voice dropping a few decibels lower: ] Bending over? Letting someone else take charge? I mean, I like it? ... But it kinda feels wrong to want it, I guess. It's not... I dunno, leaderly.
[ you know. the thing shiro wanted keith to be. keith grimaces, more embarrassed than anything else and tries for a self deprecating laugh. ]
ANd I don't want it with anyone I don't trust. But I trust you, so....
[ so. <.small>]
I CAN'T FIND HIM. i forgot what keywords i searched with
it’s interesting, though, that keith says that and yet, he’s bottomed – how many times? enough to develop a guilty pleasure in having his, in keith’s words, prostate banged up. trust implies some sort of time nurtured relationship. shiro knows that before they started a relationship, keith had found people he felt comfortable being physical with, he’d sort of said as much. but it hits differently, to have keith explicitly saying trust, even though it’s obvious that would be a contention.
who did keith trust before? did keith waffle and cringe, reasoning through it being acceptable to bottom for that dude too? or is this just a phenomenon exclusive to shiro?
he blows out a breath, silent on the sigh, but wholly feeling it with the droop of his shoulders. he’s focusing on the wrong things. again. keith needs him to keep it together. to be nothing more than receptive, encouraging, and comforting. so what if keith had someone special before? shiro did too. he just hopes that keith’s guy is truly in the past.
of course he is. he shakes off the completely irrational insecurity and forcibly smoothes out that tiny wrinkle of confusion, forcing a smile. ]
Just because you’re the one taking it, doesn’t mean you have to give up all control.
[ he gives keith’s bangs another flick, more playful this time, and somehow, just with that, it’s easier to settle into a more genuine mood. ]
But it’s nice, I promise… [ he tucks some hair behind keith’s ear, smoothly continuing on to trace down his neck and to cup his nape. ] Lying back… letting me lead you through your pleasure. You’ll like it and it’s good to like it.
happy paw tapping dog!!!
took. past tense. keith looks up at shiro, resisting the urge to throw a look towards the fun house. perhaps in the end, none of that mattered because they were only using each other and putting smiley faces on notes to soften the ugly reality of their relationship.
it takes an extra beat, but when keith breathes out, he relaxes and manages a proper smile.. it's a shy thing, a touch embarrassed but keith quietly leans up onto th etipes of his toes to steal a chaste kiss. one peck and then his feet are planted firmly on the ground, a hand reaching to take shiro's metal one. ]
I know. I just... for a long time really didn't want to like it. ... Sex in general, really. Because I never really chose it?
[ there'd always been some external factor. guilt, a sense of responsibility, the need to go home, sexual punishment, aphrodisiac. anon at least gave him the space to try and process all of that without having to be attached to anything, but he'd inadvertently gotten attached anyway. stupid really, and this time keith actually huffs and squeezes shiro's metal fingers. ]
I know I'm overthinking it. Heh. ... But I really do wanna try with you., so.
[ so. this time, keith follows that up with a more decisive action. he resumes walking back to their cube, pulling shiro along by the hand. ]
i wish to adopt all these dogs.
or maybe not. maybe it would’ve changed everything.
difficult to know for certain, so he tries not to dwell on it too often. the important thing is that they’re here now and, seemingly, back on track. so he smiles, genuine and sweet, fingers quick to curl around keith’s as he’s led. the walk is rather short after that. no more pit-stops, no more delays, they start walking and they don’t waver until shiro’s cube comes into view. even then, their goal is much the same, although shiro’s a touch helpless to the excitement that seems to build with every step thereafter.
thirty yards out and he sidesteps, shortening the space between them so he’s obnoxiously brushing against keith’s shoulder and hip, their linked hands caught in-between. fifteen yards out and he leans over, kissing at keith’s hair and nipping at his ear. five yards and counting, he’s given up watching where he’s walking altogether, full on nuzzling at keith’s hair and cooing noises that are more happy rumblings than actual words.
their anklets ping and the door opens easily, shiro all but pushing keith inside. gently, of course, though clearly eager. but then they’re inside, keith in front and shiro coming in behind him as his backdoor lover…
and there he is. the wolf.
shiro groans, head falling forward to rest his forehead, low and defeated, against keith’s shoulder. he’s still holding the plush in the crook of one arm and whether it’s for comfort or to channel his rising need to throttle something, he squeezes it ever tighter to himself. ]
Handle that. Please.
[ because he’s not fucking keith with an audience, especially one that has commandeered the bed. ]
i would also like a house of happy paw tap doggos
so of course when he enters the cube and spots kosmo lounging on the bed, tail wagging politely in greeting, keith feels a similar clunk of disappointment. that said, it's still not enough to keep him from sounding dismayed. ]
He's not a that, Shiro.....
[ the words are quiet in their disapproval. after all, keith isn't looking to pick a fight. he knows shiro and the wolf have had a rough start and that shiro's largely putting up with the wolf for his sake, but stilll. he'd rather hoped that shiro would grow fonder of the wolf than what a that implies.
somewhat bummed, keith peels himself away from shiro and walks towards the bed, hand outstretched to pet between the wolf's ears. instantly, his friend from the abyss closes his eyes, looking like the definition of the word contentment. ]
Hey, buddy. Go hang out with Lance or Pidge for a little while, okay? Or take a nap in my cube. I just need some alone time with Shiro. We'll sit by the beach afterwards, okay?
[ the wolf looks from keith to shiro, then to the dick plush in shiro's arms. having made some kind of conclusion about this, the wolf makes of a whuffling noise as he shakes his head. he gets to his feet, bumps his dnout to keith's hand and then disappears in a flash of blue light.
keith tries not to sigh as he takes a seat on the edge of the now empty bed. he doesn't say a word, but quietly pats the spot next to him.]
every one would love this... except shiro, apparently
sure, shiro would rather not routinely share a bed with an oversized pet who has a habit of scooting in close to keith. sometimes, shiro wakes up to keith cuddling that hunk of fur instead of him. shiro usually counters that by pressing keith to the bed the following evening and kissing him heavy until keith tells the wolf to go to his cube because they need privacy. making out and having an empty cube – it’s a wonder he doesn’t do that every night. actually, it’s not much of a mystery. keith loves that wolf. so as juvenile as shiro can become over hoarding keith’s affection, he does see that keith needs time with that pup. and besides, he can’t not like something or someone who brings keith joy, despite whatever fading reservations he still carries all these months later.
he could save them both a lot of time and energy if he simply said as much. if he started with an apology, too. but, petulantly, he fixates on that last thing keith said: we’ll sit by the beach afterwards. what’s that supposed to mean? is keith not planning on cuddling up to shiro, sweaty, sated, an exhausted? is he really going to get dressed and go hang out with his dog, while shiro lies here alone, staring at the ceiling?
bending down, he puts the plush on the floor, leaning its happy face up against the wall. with that, he walks over as instructed and sits down next to keith. all the while, he doesn’t say a thing. he merely awaits whatever is coming to him, face already scrunched into a small pout. ]
shiro's heart is a black hole....
It's not like I want the wolf watching either.
[ that much, keith figures should go without saying, but frankly there's little precedent for how to deal with shiro disliking something important to him. honestly, it's not something keith ever anticipated being a problem because shiro is otherwise so understanding. evidently though, he's either misjudged or taken too many liberties with shiro's affection. one way or another, the fact of the matter is that it's not the wolf's fault.
after all, it's not as though the wolf had asked to be brought here. no. that was all keith because he'd been impatient and thought perhaps the wolf could teleport them out beyond the prison fence. stupid. having a heavy sigh, keith rubs the back of his neck. ]
... just wish you didn't dislike him so much.
excuse you, shiro's heart is full of keith
shiro swallows back his own sigh; both of them can’t be sighing, they’ll get stuck in a loop. so he frowns instead and flips his hand, pressing palm to palm with his fingers pushing through the spaces of keith’s. ]
I don’t dislike him. [ sounds fake, doesn’t it? anticipating a scoff or a flat look, shiro puts more force behind his voice and tries again. ] I don’t!
[ he squeezes keith’s hand for good measure, as though that’ll make his statement more true. ]
I just… [ where is he going with this…? he licks his lips, thinking and searching for an explanation that doesn’t sound ridiculous. what he ends up with? go easy on him, keith. ] You're both his and my favorite person. So I get a little…
[ hesitation. ]
I mean.
[ frowns deeper, staring at his lap. ]
He hogs you a lot.
is it? i thought his heart is where he keeps his gator jokes
truthfully, he thinks the story of shiro's disapproval is rooted entirely in unfortunate teleportation accidents and wrongfully issued misconducts.. after having to endure cleaning duty in the warden's "uniform" of choice, it's not as though keith doesn't understand why there are hard feelings.
this, however, is not a story of perceived injustices. instead this explanation just makes keith blink. and then blink again. ]
Wait. So you're saying... I don't pay enough attention to you?
[ if it sounds incredulous, it's because keith doesn't know how to parse that. shiro's beeo has been the center of his universe for years until the fallout with the clone made everything between them fraught with guilt and uncertainty. no, even afterwards, keith would have dropped everything if shiro had given any indication that he wanted to talk.
this shiro, of course, doesn't have that frame of reference, but .... still.,/i> of all things keith thought shiro might be upset over, the suggestion that he doesn't pay shiro enough mind ranks at the very bottom of that list. part of him wants to laugh, another part feels lost. ]
no no. different shiro. noct shiro has gator jokes, keith, the babies & more keith stuffed in there
That’s not what I’m saying.
[ he’s still staring at his lap. it’s safe. it’s comfortable. it’s less ruinous to his determination to get through these next five minutes. ]
I’m saying… [ oh god, what is he saying? he falters because, truthfully, he’s never had to articulate the root of this begrudging tolerance. in the beginning, it was easy. the ill-fated teleportation trip to the bathhouse locker room gave him license to side-eye that wolf for a good couple of weeks. but shiro is rational beyond his stubbornness, so inevitably, he'd accepted it being a mistake made worse by whatever magic this prison holds. since then, he’s had no valid explanation for discouraging the wolf’s presence… but he has and he hasn’t thought heavily on why other than the shallow three's a crowd and they need privacy.
so what is it really? he comes to the answer and just knows he’s going to bring ridicule to himself. but they’re here, with keith’s hand holding his as he waits, so best to bite the bullet and get it over with, yeah? shiro exhales a huff through his nose, lips currently locked up tight on that ever present pout. finally, he does try again. ]
I’m saying… it’s difficult to share you. [ a proper sigh this time. ] And it’s taking awhile for me to learn how to.
[ because he’s never had to, you know? share. not like this. he knows keith’s been with other people here, but somehow that’s easier, because it’s fleeting. the keith shiro has always known has never had anyone else. from the garrison to voltron, shiro was – not everything, but close? maybe? terrible, isn’t it? for him to be grumbling over keith having someone else to adore. but here he is all the same. jealous of a fucking dog for stealing just a few of keith’s early morning cuddles. ]
noct shiro is a sweet pie....
[ for a moment keith is sincerely convinced he didn't hear that quite right. it hasn't exactly been easy for keith to learn how to share shiro in porn prison either, after all. sometimes he wonders about that night he woke up alone with shiro gone. the bed had still been empty even after keith's long detour with anon, and he'd been too exhausted afterwards to try and stay up until shiro returned. all he knows is that by the time he woke up in the morning, shiro was back and acting like nothing happened. so yeah -- learning to share. it hasn't always been easy, and keith can relate to that sentiment with minimal effort.
.... but in relation to the wolf of all things?
keith laughs, incredulously at first, but as relief takes hold his shoulders start to shake with mirth. ]
Seriously?
[ judging from the ridiculous pouting , perhaps that question is wholly unnecessary. keith lifts his free hand, giving shiro's cheek a cup and a gentle pinch. ]
And you lectured me on patience for years?
[ grinning wide, keith scans the room, eyes landing on the dick plush propped up by the wall. ]
I can't decide if I wanna bop you over the head with the dick or if I wanna kiss you.
... until clones are brought up
and you lectured me on patience for years?
hey now! don’t bring his wholly necessary and entirely helpful lectures into this! he balks, pout interrupted on a sputter. ]
You needed it!
[ still do, from time to time, but keith has already moved on to spot their friend there across the way. shiro glances toward the plush and – hell, he’s finding his way back to the pout. keith’s skillful and resourceful; on the battlefield he’s deadly because he’ll fight tooth and nail with anything he has at his disposal. but an oversized plushie of a dick? shiro’s seen him bonk one person with it already. is shiro truly going to be the next victim?
he turns his attention to keith, eyes wider, sadder, more pathetically hopeful as he takes a cheap shot at keith’s weakness for him. ]
If it helps… I vote for the kissing me option.
/closes eyes
Of course you'd vote for that.
[ truly. shiro, the bastion of unbiased opinion. keith releases his cheek, smoothing over skin with his thumb before getting to his feet to take a deliberate, slow sep towards the dick plusj. ]
Reckon you've got about ... mmm fifteen steps or so to make your case, Shiro.
[ let it never be said that keith isn't a generous and fair soul. </small]
it's fine. they're fine and the babies will be fine.
I’m very kissable.
[ this should be reason enough. he smiles a small, plush thing, hands gripping the mattress as he leans forward. again, body language a dead giveaway that he loathes keith putting any sort of distance between them. ]
I have soft lips and a very enthusiastic tongue. [ and now, for a hint of slyness. ] I know what you mean by kiss you more, too.
i remain nervous about this
Uh-huh.
[ his lifts his gaze from shiro's mouth to his eyes, eyebrow raised. look, he's not even cringing at the more callout, despite still very much thinking his meaning had been obvious from the start. ]
I might've noticed a little that your lips are cute when you pout.
[ keith laughs, still a little lost on how shiro threads the needle between adorable and powerful. keith glances over his shoulder towards the plusj, sighing as if weighing out pros and cons for a life or death decision. that's all the levity shiro gets though before keith steps back in close, stopping in front of shiro when their knees knock. ]
You know.... you and the wolf are both my favorites to be around. But I only have one boyfriend. That's you.
[ he leans in, hands planted on either side of shiro's hips. ]
So. Do I get to say patience yields focus here?
i still laugh-cringe about them renting a hotel room to fight
yes, good, good, come closer. knees knock, but shiro can be helpful – just another reason as to why keith should kiss him – so he splits his thighs and empties the space, giving keith access and room if he wants it. not yet, it seems, and that’s fine, really, because keith’s leaning instead and calling shiro one of his favorites to be around. at least he doesn’t have to fight the space wolf on the boyfriend part. might have to for title of best boy, though.
later. he’ll figure out the imagined competition with the dog later, because right now, he’s currently winning and he’d like to enjoy taking a victory lap - or two, three – with keith. so he abandons the pouting altogether and smiles sweetly, face tipping as he arches up. ]
You can say it. [ shiro could probably benefit from being reminded of it. though, chances are low that he’ll adhere to it. ] And then you can kiss me.
listen hey cant distress the babies.
Patience. Yields. Focus.
[ each word is emphasized with tiny breaks between, drawn out so keith can savor the role reversal. he opens his eyes, then huffs a quiet little laugh, the next couple of words mere whispers. ]
Guess I'm an old-timer now, too.
[ fate sealed, keith tops it off by finally pressing in to take that kiss shiro's been eager for. it's still chaste at first, but lingering and sweet. right around when keith would normally break away though, he swallows, gripping the sheets tight as he pushes himself into shiro's lap,.
true. they cant fight either with bitchface yowling
patience yields focus, yeah? there will be no rush to pull up shirts or undo zippers, neither will he force the lingering pressure of keith’s lips off as he tries for something deeper. not yet. they can indulge in the slow, carefulness of every moment, cataloging each in what is certain to be a memorable night. he will, however, start by touching his palms to keith’s waist, smoothing down to grasp him gently at the hips. then not so gently. he tightens to feel the fit and frame of him under fabric, thinking that he’s got such a gorgeous shape. an unbelievable shape, actually. he’s got a trim waistline and these lovely, yet narrow hips, and somehow, still has a round, firm, meaty backside. it’s weighty on his thighs and suddenly, shiro would like to know it better.
patience yields focus. right, patience. he’s supposed to be patient in this slow seduction. he knows it, he wants it that way, too, but his hands pull anyway, dragging keith by the hips the few inches left to get them crotch to crotch, that ass so close, but not there that it’s a touch maddening. he sucks at keith’s bottom lip and gives it a parting nip to make up for it, his mouth straying but not leaving as he kisses down to his jawline. ]
How you doin’?
[ a little slurred due to the muffling of his still busy mouth, shiro noses underneath the sharp angle of keith’s jaw and further still, to lick and nip at his neck. at least this is familiar. they’ve heavy petted and kissed just as heavy, leaving the occasional hickey. keith’s nervous, though. they both are. but shiro is quickly gaining ground in his confidence, losing himself as he ducks lower and starts sucking at his throat, a few inches higher than the set of his collarbone. the slide of his hand can’t be corralled either; left goes back and cups a cheek, shiro already delighted by how it fits in his hand when he squeezes. ]
yea can't have shiro distracted by pavlovian reflex to fetch doritos
keith obediently tips his head back to grant his boyfriend greater access to his neck, and lets out a soft noise when lips move and suck. whatever thoughts keith had fizzle as he abandons his grip on the sheets to cradle the back of shiro's head with one, while the other idly scratches up shiro's thigh.
what can he say? the hickeys he'd seen on other cadets and inmates had always looked kinda stupid, but hypocrite that he is, having visible signs of shiro's affection on his body is something that never ceases to make him go a little doe eyed in private. does shiro feel the same way about that? the squeeze at his ass is momentarily derailing, keith gasping by shiro's ear. his own grip goes tight on quad then, squeezing -- not hard enough to bruise but temptation runs hot in his arteries. ]
Great.
[ sounding just a pinch dreamy, keith shifts enough to catch the shell of shiro's ear with his teeth to nip and whisper. ]
Didn't know I'd get a nice welcome reception for the old-timer life.
[ it's not what shiro meant, but keith can't help teasing all the same. he releases shiro's ear, purring a little through the gentle suction at his throat. ]
Should I be reminding you to be patient more often?
he doesn't want her to waste away again 8c
he drops down further, both to get his ear away from the devastatingly effectiveness of that mouth and to press a kiss into the divot between his collarbones, just barely visible above the shirt’s collar. ]
You can. [ shiro loves seeing his lessons applied by others or in this case, his mantra adopted by his once protégé. he lifts his head, though stays bowed to look up at keith instead. there, he quirks a grin. ] Don’t expect me to be a devout follower, though.
[ he demonstrates this by giving keith’s ass another appreciative squeeze. goodness, it’s firm. some detail is, regretfully, lost with jean in the way, but the muscular shape of it is easy enough to discern. he doesn’t have to fill in any of the lost details with his imagination, though, does he? not tonight, because – ]
I’ve been patient. [ he sits up straighter and lifts his head. ] You’ve been patient. [ and a lean that’ll bump his nose to keith’s, nuzzling sweetly as metal fingers slot in between their bodies to pop the button of keith’s jeans. ] I think patient boys should be rewarded now.
... I'M SAD ._.
intimacy with shiro is both a tantalizing prospect and a daunting one. for starters, shiro may have seen him naked before, aroused even, but not in a way that would lead to questions about his cock. since being in prison, he knows from experience that most don't bother to question it beyond a few curious glances, but frankly shiro's opinion actually matters. compound that with keith's own stubborn refusal to deal with sexuality in a healthy manner and there's so much that could go wrong.
it won't go wrong is what keith automatically tells himself, but with the button of his pants now open , he misses his cue to banter after he laughs. the silence is brief but awkward as keith turns a little shy in shiro's lap. should he be telling shiro about his dick? he's wondered before, but mentally aborted the train of thought when descriptors like bumpy sounded far too fucking awful to manifest into reality. unsurprisingly, having his boyfriend's hand ready to undress him does not provide a jolt of poetic inspiration. he clears his throat. ]
Yeah?
[ fuck. tongue tied, keith tries to distract from that by dragging his hand down low to the hem of shiro's shirt. another beat, the he flips up the fabric to rest his palm flat on abs. it's not the first time he's touched shiro this way, but there's a distinctly exploratory quality to his touch. almost contemplative really before keith brings his other hand down and starts to lift the hem of the shirt up to start pulling the shirt up and over shiro's head. ]
That mean I get to do whatever I want?
[ within reason, of course, but the question is more tease than serious. ]
shhhh let's not think of bitchface and huey in the bad au...
he’s better about his body these days. sure, some days he refuses to catch even a glimpse of himself in the full-length mirrors in the locker rooms, while others he spends too much time surveying every patch of knitted skin, but overall, he’s lost the luxury of being self-conscious about what others think of him. even then, it’s not so much other people that shiro cares about. the only opinion that matters anymore is whether or not keith finds him attractive. acceptable. and he does. he’s seen the worst of his body on display and still wants to try this thing between them, so he shouldn't be nervous or doubtful.
it’s a reassuring thought that shiro mostly believes and one that carries him through the moments of the shirt being worked up and pulled off. bare, there’s a rush of vulnerability that has shiro tensing, but it’s a brief, nothing thing. one full breath and he smiles on the exhale, voice playful for the quip back. ]
Or have whatever you want done to you.
[ keith will be getting a brief ride here because shiro’s thighs start moving in small, slight jerks. he’s taking off his shoes. one foot digs into the heel of the other shoe, working it off, before repeating the action to the other. throughout, shiro holds onto keith’s hips with one hand, the other still at his fly, fingering the button. ]
For example… [ shoes dealt with, he stills his legs once more. the whole thing only seems to brighten his mood and so, his voice remains light and teasing, all said through an ever widening grin. ] I could suck you off. All you have to do is say the word.
yes this is cringetown
ridculous, maybe? but with the shirt gone, keith's touch is gentle when he sets his hands on shiro's shoulders. ... and then not so much when he's jostled from beneath. keith laughs, grip tightening then loosening up in quick measur with twin coaxing squeezes. shiro really is determined to be impatient today, huh? honestly, it's kind of thrilling despite his low key concerns.
the counteroffer is what what makes keith's laughter turn shy again though, considering. anything he wants? fuck, where does he even start with that. aphro fueled experiences are best left unexamined, but that leaves him with all his times with anon. his mostly non-verbal exchanges with anon, that is. towards the end, he'd merely presented the part s of his body he wanted touched and hoped anon knew what he was getting at. anon had always been good at figuring it out, but then again it's sex not rocket science.
mercifully, shiro spares him from actually having to articulate much of anything. the offer of a blow is all but pushed into his lap and keith can't help going a little pink and doe eyed about it, stupidly virginal despite the fact that he's had his dick sucked before.
it's just .... he's never been asked explicitly. it's new and weirdly enough -- kind of hot. caught wanting to laugh at himself, keith huffs, stifles it and settles himself by squeezing shior's shoulders another time as he nods. ]
.. Open sesame? [ ... ] Wait.. That's two words.
[ flustering, keith hangs his head. ]
You know what I mean.
[ fuck. don't tell him he's already messing up this whole "sexy" thing. ]
we are so close to The Crisis
least to say, it’s a lot of pressure he’s putting on himself. the wait has only given him time to set his expectations high and he just… hopes he’s able to rise to the challenge and meet them.
he laughs to keith’s fumbling, the sound soft and his smile fond as not to scare this skittish thing off. he gives keith’s hip an answering squeeze and then ducks down to push his face into keith’s line of sight. he nuzzles in again, using the brunt of his nose to nudge against keith in short, upward sweeps, coaxing him to lift his head. ]
I do.
[ know what he means. he laughs again, and muffles it soon enough by pressing a gentle kiss to keith’s mouth. he lingers for a time and then slowly deepens the pressure and wets the connection with parted lips. thorough and indulgent, he tries to sap the tension with a play of lips and tongue, inevitably breaking away for a shallow breath and a heated: ]
Can’t wait to have you in my mouth.
[ a parting, playful nip at his upper lip and then shiro leans back some, grin holding a boyish sort of confidence. ]
You’re gonna have to get off me, though. I’m not that flexible.
You'll Feel Better Soon.....
keith's heart swells as they kiss from chaste to a slow taste of moremore with shiro. tht image he paints right there at the end of shiro suckingand adoring his cock? it makes keith keith moan a little into the kiss, the shiver going straight to his cock when shiro parts with a nip.
right around here when his dick is dangerously on the verge of firming up is where they'd have called it quits normally. talking dirty, and egging each other on is a new part of the boyfriend repertoire that keith hasn't mastered yet and hasn't ever attempted with anyone else. does he know how to suck a thick dick? sure. can he take one without panicking? of course..
can he be sexy and flirt and all the other things that go hand in hand with intimate relations? it's a big ask, and keith winds up going a little shy in his laughter. ]
Right.
[ ...right. a beat then keith untangles his limbs and carefully hops on the floor, hands on his hips as he draws down the zipper of his jeans. he swallows nervously, hesitating and delaying by shuffling to get his feet out of his sneakers and then stepping on the ends of his sockss one after another to get his feet free. ]
How flexible are you anyway? Do I get to see?
[ the question is casual enough, helped by a healthy dose of genuine curiosity. even so, keith doesn't quite look shiro in the eye as he pulls his shirt up over, tosses it to the side and then finally hooks his fingers in the waistband of his jeans and boxers and pulls both down. a good amount of nervousness keeps his dick from being entirely hard, keeping all ridgey bits hidden but he doubts that'll stay true for long. resisting the urge to squirm, keith steps out of the puddle of his jeans and underwar and comes to stand in front of shiro. ]
And uh... how do you want me?
[ standing? on the bed? bent into a pretzel? ]
i pictured the pokestation perfectly in my brain & started laughing, i want you to know that
If you’re good.
[ it’s an appeasing comment, one said with a lazy smile, despite him inwardly turning the comment over and over, trying to understand it himself. does keith want to test his flexibility like shiro tests flexibility? does he want to push his legs up and see if he can get his knees to his ears? they had that brief hiccup on the walk back from the carnival; it’s not all that unlikely that, initially, keith had pictured shiro as the one laid out, legs pulled back to present his hole. they sorted it out for tonight, but maybe keith will want that eventually. is shiro okay with doing that eventually?
as always, he sticks a pin in that neverending debate, knowing that going far-eyed and distracted while keith is stripping right in front of him, will do nothing good for keith’s confidence. it isn’t all that difficult for shiro to tell himself to refocus, either. the shirt is off and keith is, in a word, pretty. creamy skin, strong shoulders, tapered torso that leads to a tiny waist. he’s gorgeous. this would be a good time for shiro to join in the undressing – get it out of the way, right? – but his hands remain in his lap and his gaze stays, blinking slow in a dazed, yet wholly appreciative way as more and more parts of keith’s body are revealed.
when everything is stripped away and keith is standing in front of him bare, vulnerable, and nervous, shiro isn’t immediate in his reassurance. the silence stretches one beat, two beat longer than an answer calls for, but then lashes flutter and his blinks a few times, as though coming to. he drags his gaze up, over that cute bellybutton, between those half-dimes, and to that pair of beautiful eyes. he quirks a grin. ]
Sorry. Needed a moment. You’re kind of breathtaking.
[ he scoots forward to sit on the very edge of the bed. keith may not be hard yet, but shiro is; the way the pants pull during the scoot uncomfortable, but easily ignorable, because shiro’s busy framing keith’s hips with his hands. he leans in, bending down and kisses the junction of his right thigh. ]
Come lie on the bed for me. [ he lifts his head, looking up the length of keith’s body again to find his gaze, only to back off and look away, nodding toward the pillows at the head. ] Want you to be comfortable while I rock your world.
[ wouldn’t do either of them any good for keith to be standing there, knees buckling. ]
GOOD =w=
they lock eyes and keith's heart very stupidly skips a beat, face warming and moony. breathtaking. shiro thinks he's breathtaking. a little giddy, and plenty flustered by the sweetness of the compliment, keith laughs only to hiccup mid-sound as shiro leans in to mouth at his thigh. breath hitching, keith fidgets, fingers pushing down the base of his dick as it twitches as if to catch shiro's attention. plumping faster, ridges slowly start to take shape as his cock fills out. wanting to bask in the uncomplicated attention just a few seconds longer, keith keeps his hand partly covering the problem appendage. ]
You're breathtaking. You literally took it just now..
[ punctuating the banter with with a playful squeeze of shiro's bicep, keith releases after a beat. ]
It's nice... being able to tell you that.
[ more than nice, but keith isn't consciously downplaying. in fact, it's more that he's tongue tied and has a stomach full of butterflies. so before he jams his foot in his mouth again, keith clambers up onto the bed as instructed and positions himself on his side, face partly smooshed into the pillow as he rolls to face shiro. there, he delicately traces a line down his boyfriend's back, dragging fingertip over whole and scarred skin alike. ]
Sp you'll make me even more comfortable if you take everything off before getting in bed with me, Shiro.
no subject
but then keith is on the bed and shiro gets a very generous view of keith’s voluptuous backside as he crawls and clambers across the bedding. below those asscheeks and between those thighs, there’s the bob of keith’ cock, and for the briefest of moments, shiro catches an unintentional glimpse. it’s too quick and too partially hidden for him to truly understand it, but something inside him does. all at once, there’s a slight, burgeoning apprehension in the pit of his stomach.
but then keith is rolled over and shiro’s gaze is up where it should be, once again doing the courteous boyfriend thing of not staring at the anatomy that has keith particularly nervous. he understands; afterall, this will be the first time he'll be seeing keith hard. feeling and glimpsing it through his pants isn’t quite the same, so this is a monumental moment and one that shiro is intent on respecting. ]
Oh, will I? [ his grin is good-humored and crooked, flashed over his shoulder. ] I do want you comfortable, so… okay, if that’s what you want.
[ such a big ask, heh. reluctantly separating him from the exploration of keith’s fingertip, shiro stands. he’s already got his fly open by the time he turns around to face the bed. down go the pants and boxer-briefs in one go. if he truly were a patient man, he’d indulge keith in a slower, more deliberate strip. but unfortunately, shiro’s lacking the finesse as he tears his feet free from each pant leg, socks following shortly thereafter. with that, he’s on the bed and crawling, situating himself in close. ]
I’d ask you if you like what you see, but I think it’s pretty obvious…
[ has he been good long enough? patient long enough? can he look now? he touches his hand to keith’s hip and gives an experimental nudge, finding no resistance. encouraged, he leads keith through a roll onto his back. and then he drags his gaze down; down from keith’s face, over his sternum, through the contours of his abdominals and there, to the jut of his pelvis where his cock is…
not normal. familiarly abnormal. ] Oh, fuck. [ it slips out of him on the exhale that seemingly punches out of him. he’d made the comparisons in his head, all the while assuring himself it was nothing more than his desire for keith hijacking the situation and giving too much life to his fantasies. as much as he’d wanted keith, he hadn’t wanted him like that. not actually. but… he did? he has? because there’s too many similarities in his head now: the voice, the shape of his body, the birthmark, the timing of an identical transformation. now he has a dick with multiple ridges that he is silently counting in his head. same number, similar if not the same length, thickness, color…
oh fuck is right. keith frequents gloryholes? ]
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if his lizard brain weren't so fucking immensely preoccupied, perhaps keith would have had greater presence of mind to wonder about the vague familiarity -- but then again, just how much variation can there really be to big dicks anyway? but more damningly, when shiro rolls him onto his back, keith goes willingly and lets his hand fall to the side.
cock now thick and ridged, it bounces up to meet shiro's gaze. even so, keith is sincerely hopeful enough about shiro's willingness to accept him that he simply exhales and offers up a shy smile. one look at shiro's face and that smile wilts. panic overtakes keith as he hurriedly sits up and covers his crotch. ]
I- if you don't like it, you don't have to...
[ touch? put it in his mouth? interact? keith fumbles, eyes darting towards the pile of his clothes on the floor. he should've seen this coming. shiro had made his reluctance to engage with alien anatomy abundantly clear back when keith was more galra looking, but how was keith supposed to mitigate this?
well. the answers are clearer in retrospect. he could have gently guided shiro's hand down to his cock while there were still clothes in the picture and invited the guy to explore with his hand, but it's far too late for that now. mortified and kicking himself, keith lets out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping with his disappointment. ]
I should go.
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he’s two stages behind but keith is accelerating toward his own goal of averting disaster. whereas shiro is slogging through the gridlock of his brain to come to terms with the fact that he’s sexed up his best friend long before he had any allowance to, keith’s solution is to simply leave. he hasn’t moved to do as much, but shiro knows him; before he’s even said anything, his body speaks for him. it’s in the droop of his shoulders and the way he seemingly deflates, beaten up and broken down with disappointment.
shit.
get there faster, he tells himself. stop hinging on the fact that keith is so clearly outside the realm of what is deemed normal and vanilla. so what if keith likes to hide his identity and fuck? shiro does, too. they are the same. perhaps their reasons are even similar. the problem here though, is that shiro knows his own limitations. he fucked around with anonymity, yes, but only with one person in some watered down version of a relationship. has keith frequented other locations? other partners? how into this kink is keith, really?
i should go.
there it is. shiro isn’t there yet. he still somewhere between horror and reconciliation, but he panics in the moment, immediately exclaiming: ]
No! [ before he knows it, his own hand is on keith’s shoulder, not quite pushing him down, but firm enough to prevent him from shifting anywhere. swallowing in the following beat, shiro composes himself for a less rushed: ] No, you should stay.
[ gaze on keith’s face now, shiro tries to bolster his expression into something more encouraging. ]
I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting… [ you to be into being fucked through a door…? he grimaces, gaze dropping for a beat, before he remembers himself to force it back to keith’s face. ] There’s nothing wrong with it. I was surprised, but I’m fine, uhm… now.
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how can it?
this isn't the first time that he's shown his dick to others, but it is by far the worst reaction it's received. not even lance of all people had reacted this strongly, though perhaps in part because keith had given him advance warning. ... and quite possibly the guy wanted to fuck a mermaid so it's not like abnormal genitals were ever a serious turn off.
heat continues to burn keith's cheeks and ears, despite the reassurance. of course there's nothing wrong with his cock, it's just .... keith hangs his head. ]
Listen. If this is a dealbreaker like how women are for you, you don't have to try to like me. I know you're not ..... you know. Into aliens like that.
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that begs the question though: how clear does shiro want to be in explaining what the issue is?
he swallows, thinking of what coming clean would be like. it had taken him weeks, months to fully accept that he craved those hookups with anonymous. what if keith thinks of him differently as a result? what if he becomes the one freaking out? ]
It’s not a dealbreaker.
[ biding his time, he takes the cowardly option of weaving around the actual issue, hoping that he can set things right without dragging keith into this with him. he just needs time. time to come to terms with it himself. then he’ll break it to keith… when he himself knows how to process it. so he repeats: ]
I was surprised and I didn’t handle it well. [ understatement, if keith is currently putting himself in the same category as women in terms of shiro's level of disinterest. sighing, he turns more toward keith, touching his free hand to one of keith’s forearms. ] But I still want this and I still want you… unless I’ve turned you off so badly that you don’t want me…?
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he keeps his eyes on shiro's hand for a long beat before finally looking up at his boyfriend, expression a blend of sheepish, shy and hopeful. ]
I always want you.
[ it's a complicated kind of want, and not one that keith is always sure he wants to examie. porn prison fuckery has somehow brought the two of them together, despite the breaks in space-time or by plucking them from alternate realities. whatever the case, there's a shiro back home with white hair and a missing arm who's more than millions of light-years away. even when they're together, it's like they don't know how to talk to each other anymore.
clones, death and being replaced have a way of doing that, keith supposes.
this shiro may not be his shiro - or maybe he is? either way, when keith looks at him, he feels less adrift, less alone in the world. like maybe their bond can survive the war in some way, despite the hurt and confusion rhwy're all enduring..
keith blinks, then clears his throat. thinking about all this is the last thing he ought to be doing when it only opens up chasms in his chest, huh? he looks away briefly to gather himself then offers up a shy smile as he leans in close, shifting the hand on his crotch away to instead perch on shiro's hip. ]
Guess I should have warned you. I just... don't know how to talk about it.. In a way that doesn't sound super weird and unsexy.
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keith does deserve to know, he supposes. when neither of them knew – no, he didn’t need to know. but now that shiro has stumbled into this knowledge, the imbalance is too great to ignore. it’s wrong otherwise, for shiro to proceed by pleasing this boy while keith thinks this is the very first time. if keith is going to be with him, he has to make that decision with the full picture.
… god, shiro hopes he still wants to be with him after this. just – he broke a door. and he’s pretty sure he took his virginity, only to throw a fit about it later. and he left him that one time to go give “other” him a thirty minute orgasm. oh, fuck, he also ghosted him.
his head is beginning to hurt. he’s grimacing, eyes shuttering as every moment together pieces together, overlapping the two separate lives. as disruptive as this known identity is, it also explains a lot of things. like keith walking with a slight limp after a fuck with anonymous. like keith’s voice being hoarse after anonymous mouth spent a good portion of their hook up deepthroating. like how – okay no, he’s getting sidetracked.
keith leans in and shiro instantly forces what he hopes is a convincing smile when keith offers a shy one his way. he’s not covering his crotch anymore; that’s a good sign. what isn’t is that keith has completely lost all those lovely ridges, his arousal completely drained out of him. shiro swallows back the urge to sigh miserably, the facade of that smile cracking a little more. ]
You can talk to me about anything. [ at least that’s genuine in pitch and meaning. he leans in further to peck keith’s forehead, though it’s mostly just hair he gets and then he leans back to look at him again. ] Just like I can talk to you about anything.
[ it’s difficult at times but shiro has gotten better about that. he’s talked of his time as a prisoner, his fears, his insecurities… and he supposes he’s about to talk about kinks. there’s an obvious beat of hesitation as he wrestles his cooperativeness into actually making his mouth form words. ]
In fact, I think there’s something I need to talk to you about right now.
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Oh.
[ the quiet syllable escapes before keith can think better of it. likewise, hhis eyes go a little wide and startled before keith is able to properly button down the trepidation. judging from shiro's tone and serious expression, whatever he has to say can't be any god, which begs the question of what exactly needs to be disclosed specifically before sex.
for better or for worse, one possible answer comes relatively quickly. if they need to talk about something serious prior to sex, then it's likely an std, right? again before keith can think better of it, his gaze shifts down to shiro's cock before blinking back up at his boyfriend's face.
what good exactly does staring at dick do when dealing with possible alien stds that may not manifest externally? flustering keith stammers: ]
Um, yeah. Okay. Is uh... is everything okay?
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Yeah. Everything is fine.
[ everything is not fine. he’s freaking out. there’s a clatter in his chest and a sweatiness to his nape. he’s far too warm in the face, too, which is only aiding in that overheated, panicky feeling zipping through him. he draws a breath, trying to steady his composure. ]
It’s just… okay.
[ it’s so easy. one sentence, two sentences max and he could clear this up: i’m the anonymous penpal you used to meet up with at the house up by the pool, i’m sorry i just figured it out myself, hence the reaction to your dick, which is lovely by the way. instead, he mucks it up by trying to gently lay the groundwork of the revelation. ]
I’ve wanted you for a long time. I fought it for just as long because I’m a bit of a fool. But even then, I used to fantasize about you when I was with someone else. When we were together, I’d like to pretend that he was you. But it turns out I didn’t need to pretend.
[ he gives his hands twin squeezes, not at all comprehending that he isn’t making any sort of sense. ]
He was you.
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so maybe it's not an std, but clearly it's something embarrassing if the way shiro's gone red-faced has anything to say about it. keith is out of guesses though, and soon finds himself pulled down an equally bizarre rabbit hole wherein shiro is seemingly confessing to thinking about him while banging other men -- toji and whoever else, and keith is once again unable to keep his degree of perplexion off his face. it hits in waves, really. shiro never talks about the other guys he's with, never mind the sorts of fantasies he has. keith's barely shifted through the ugly jealous possessiveness that flares to life when the last bombshell drops. ]
What?
[ blurted out and thoroughly ill-advised, keith pulls back somewhat to get a better look at shiro's face. there's enough bullshit that goes on in porn prison that the meaning doesn't even register immediately. ]
How was Toji me, exactly?
[ the question is entirely nonsensical, but keith doesn't know how else to parse this conundrum. ]
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… What?
[ so a bit of echoing going on here. he doesn’t want to give into the exasperation just begging to take over and he tries, really tries not to become frustrated with having that blasted name thrown in his face, again, especially when shiro is trying to explain something of importance here. blame the fact that he’s already agitated and nervous for the way he lets go of keith’s hands, sighing at keith’s ability to not only misunderstand, but to jump to a completely unrelated topic. ]
How did you get Toji from that?
1/2
keith blurts, clearly chagrined and a pinch defensive. ]
How am I not supposed to get Toji from that?! You said you were fantasizing about me while you were with some other guy and that it tirmed out to be me, but we've -- you and I, we never --
2/2
putting aside that labelling that as "being together" in the first place is suspect, that can't possibly be what shiro's referencing here, right? so what does that leave? unconsciously being with shiro? there are certainly enough drugs going around prison that this could easily be facilitated with a fucked up concoction of hypnotic and anesthetic, but if shiro knew about that then this wouldn't be the time to bring that up, right?
hell. to think less than a minute ago, keith was here braced for some reveal about space stds. is this better or worse? still getting an eyeful of judgment, keith looks away -- rethinking this whole thing.
there aren't too many guys he's been with. in fact, it's down to just lance and anon. shiro is obviously not lance which leaves ... the absurd implication that anon is shiro. it's so ridiculous, in fact, that keith winds up looking at shiro again, brow wrinkled up with confusion and judgment.
this is shiro. his best friend. his best friend who can't possibly be into choking guys with his dick at the library or fucking them through holes in doors and especially isn't into sleeping with aliens. okay, admittedly keith has little to no insight into shiro's private sex life, but still. the guy that had wanted to take things slowly to make sure things felt right between them can't possibly be so impatient and horny that he'll literally bang a door off its hinges to sink a dick in an extra half inch, right?
rimming. metal arm. large cock. pale skin. strong physique. that time he thought he might've heard his name, but was way too out of it to be sure.
the counter evidence lines up shot after shot, as keith's staring takes a distinct dive south to take a hard look at shiro's cock. identifying anyone by their dick seems like some fucked up porny scooby doo bullshit, but that doesn't stop keith from squinting at the head and girth like he's doing some rudimentary volumetric analysis of how it might fit in his mouth.
he looks up again, and this time his face isn't flushed with embarrassment. rather, his voice has gotten thick with incredulity. ]
... Are you saying what I think you're saying?
[ is this entrapment? is he being pranked? ]
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turns out, it isn’t much longer after that.
keith looks up, locks eyes and… – god, it was a mistake to let go of his hands, because now shiro’s are empty. meaning, he doesn’t know what to do with them as his own apprehension spikes. fiddling his thumb and fingers together in each hand, his pinches and rolls the pads together, soon shifting to hooking his thumbnails on that of his middle fingers to make this soft, repetitive clicking sounds.
this is it. this is his last opening to laugh, smile, and say something half-convincing to divert them from the truth of their history. he’s surprisingly cowardly when it comes to keith, at least in terms of maintaining the strength of their bond, so he almost takes it. he almost takes the out.
but he presses his lips together on a grimace and composes himself after a glance down at the sheets. the fiddling with his nails has stopped and once again at a loss of what to occupy his hands with, he ends up self-soothing with a palm to his nape, rubbing back and forth as he looks to keith once more. slowly, he nods. just once. and then: ]
I'm anonymous. [ a beat. ] You know, with the smileys.
[ does that need a distinction? ]
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confirmation of what keith suspects doesn't take much longer to manifest. the nod somehow has all the gravitas of receiving a death sentence and keith flails all the way back until his head hits the headboard. the sound of skull bumping hard against wood isn't a pleasant sound, but keith doesn't even seem to notice. ]
It was you?!
[ processing that in any meaningful way is impossible. thoughts crumble and morph like he's being spun thorugh a kaleidoscope and nothing he says follows any coherence either chronologically or by actual significance. arguably the only good to come of this is the fact that he misses the implication of shiro's emphasis on qualifying who anonymous even is ]
You snuck out of the cube to hook up with me? You're the one who was jerking off in the library?? [ his voice pitches ever higher as his incredulity grows to a fever pitch. ] You - you're the one who ghosted me? And put on a chainsmoker voice??
[ breathe, breathe, breathe. keith stares mouth agape, still clearly waiting for a punchline. ]
I thought you were gonna tell me you caught space crabs or something, Shiro.
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he means to defend himself. really, he does. but he’s being, of all things, polite. sympathetic, too. he doesn’t cut keith off, because frankly, he’s part convinced that keith will explode if he doesn’t get the words out, what with the way his voice is pitching higher than he’s ever heard it before. so he keeps to patience and self-soothes his own skyrocketing anxiety by ticking off the answers in his head.
yes, he snuck out because he was incredibly horny for keith but didn’t think he could have keith yet.
yes, he jerked off in the library but only due to that damn librarian spraying him with aphro.
yes, he ghosted him… to be faithful to him.
yes, he used a – wait, chainsmoker voice?
it derails him for a moment and it’s why he doesn’t take the opening as keith stares agape. regret kicks in instantly. ]
Space crabs – no! [ him? infected? what kind of sex life does keith think he leads!? nevermid that, even. what kind of person does he think he is? ] I wouldn’t… – if I had something, which I don’t, I wouldn’t wait until we’re in bed naked to tell you.
[ talk about an instant mood killer – and a bit of a dick move to drop that bombshell right into his unclothed lap.
… though. is the end result much different from where they are now? hands both empty again, he gestures nonsensically with them, mostly to keep himself from reaching for keith. ]
I didn’t know you were anonymous. Not until… [ don’t look. don’t look. don’t – okay, he looked, brows raising. not that it’s, you know, it’s very unique and identifying shape right now. ]
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of course he's not going to contest anything about space crabs. in fact, with the incredulity starting to drain out of his soul, keith simply follows shiro's gaze down to .... ah yes, his flaccid dick. keith groans, knees coming up in some attempt to shield that from view while he buries his face in his hands.
this whole time. this whole fuckng time, the mystery person with the incredible dick on the other side had been shiro. it doesn't matter that there's corroborating evidence to make that fact irrefutable, keith's entire being refuses to accept it. instead, little flashes of their encounters play in his mind, every wet noise he'd made, every time he lapped and sucked at that dick like it was spilling ambrosia into his mouth, the way he clung to the chair while anon fucked orgasms out of his ass and -- ]
Mmmrgh....
[ the nooise is distilled mortification. keith had never wanted shiro to see him that way. naked, shy and trying things together was never meant to ruined by the mutual knowledge of being bent over, hole presented through punched out doors. or tainted with images of slick pouring from his ass or him blabbering stupidly during an endless orgasm.
nobody was supposed to see any of these facets of things keith has only started to accept about himself. he sags low against the headboard, shoulders rounding until he's almost in the fetal position. ]
... I think I need a weblum to come swallow me whole right about now.
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he’s embarrassed. it’s an obvious thought, one that doesn’t need specific recognition, but shiro finds himself pausing on it, watching, vaguely fascinated, as keith hides in his hands. he begins to sink and sink against the headboard and it’s – huh, not funny, but considering shiro was bracing for more accusations and even keith storming out of here, the relief he feels is easily mistaken as something far lighter. thankfully, it isn’t so potent that he makes the mistake of settling into his relief with a bit of laughter. his voice does, however, take on a softer tone, alit with burgeoning confidence. ]
Hey… none of that. This isn’t the end of the world.
[ the mattress dips as shiro rearranges himself on it, putting himself against the headboard. he gathers keith and manually moves him himself to get him sitting up, where shiro is quick to loop his arm around him to hug him into his side. ]
This could even be a… uh, good thing…? [ that sure is convincing, isn’t it? he puffs out a breath, still not quite laughing, and presses a kiss to keith’s head to make up for it. ] We found our way to each other and not just that, we were good together. [ remember that talk about their insane chemistry? remember how not too long ago they’d both been nervous despite all the reassurances that they’d be compatible? he smiles, forcing a little more in hopes of coaxing keith into abandoning his hiding. ] So good. Best sex I’ve ever had.
[ … okay, maybe that’s being a touch too truthful. don’t judge him for it. ]
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there's an arm around him then, followed by a kiss pressed to his head. it's ... fuck. levity ahas returned to shiro's voice and for a moment, keith is thrown. he peeks above his fingertips, what's still visible of his forehead still a fierce cherry red. ]
You think so...?
[ it's not the angle that keith had been approaching this from at all. anon had obviously accepted him -- tacitly sure, until anon disappeared because well.. shiro pulled that stunt. in retrospect, that whole incident had been... kinda ridiculous, huh? two guys scrambling to end a pseudo relationship because of each other. keith groans, butting the side of his head against shiro's chest. ]
Was it really the best?
[ all things considered, perhaps not what keith ought to be focusing on, but somehow reframing this whole thing from shiro's perspective is easier than looking at it from his own. ]
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heh, to think he’s gone a month without that now.
it’s no grand feat, really, because he has something else to fill the gap. he has a very cute, sometimes surprisingly shy boy, who curls up with him at night and offers him kisses when shiro is particularly sweet. it’s the polar opposite of the animalistic brutality of broken doors and roughly handled bodies, but somehow, it’s just as satisfying to keep him grounded and focused, not even a hint of regret making its way into his brain. ]
Yeah. [ he noses, briefly, at keith’s hair. ] It won’t be after tonight… or, I mean, whenever we…
[ they are very much naked in this very large bed of theirs, but even so, it suddenly feels presumptuous to assume that the evening is going to pan out the way they’d originally thought it would. truthfully? there’s disappointment to be found in the notion that they may delay another day, but overall, shiro isn’t too bothered by it. so the smile doesn’t flee and his good mood doesn’t dessert him; he clings tight to both, arm looping closer to encourage keith’s lean.
he lifts his head, only because the angle is deep enough that his neck protests. knocking it gently back to the headboard, shiro stares across the room, again stripping away layers to try for more honesty. ]
I enjoyed it. The freedom of not being seen. [ he’ll wager that much was the same for keith. so maybe he’s preaching to the choir here. nonetheless – ] I didn’t have to be me. I didn’t have to think like me, didn’t have to act like me, didn’t have to be what anyone expected me to be… I could block out everything and just… [ a breath. ] – feel good in the moment.
[ his fingers curl at keith’s hip, tracing abstract shapes into his skin. ]
… But now I wanna feel good with you. [ and considering keith’s been in his head for months now, superimposed onto someone who wasn’t supposed to be him, shiro can only assume being with the real keith is going to be so, so much better. ]
no subject
they've been best friends for years, and for all their similarities and shared interests... it's still kind of fascinating to think maybe they do feel similarly about sex. of course, that isn't something keith anticipated. after all, shiro's had other partners and a sex life that predated the one imposed on them by the warden.
sex isn't inherently unnatural or some grotesque scrambling of his autonomy. of course keith knows that, but in practice it's been harder to come to terms with actually being okay with wanting it for himself because experience hasn't always been equated with choice. there's a word for that -- trauma, perhaps, but a rough life has made it difficult to even unpack that for what it is. after all, he's been in more battles than he cares to count, and seen more people die than he wants to remember. this is nothing in comparison, right?
or so he thought. in the end, it's exactly as shiro said. it had been freeing to be someone other than himself while allowing anon to explore his body. it had been more enjoyable precisely because keith didn't have to think or feel anything than what he was made to feel by anon's fingers and tongue and cock.
shiro's.
keith tries out the correction, eyes still on his boyfriend's face, then has to look away when the flutter in his chest refuses to subside. he hiccups a tiny laugh, twisting enough to bump his cheek to shiro's chest. and then... what that isn't close enough? keith frees himself from shiro's arm to carefully straddle his thighs. ]
It could still be tonight. If you want. [ if you want. keith shakes his head, unsatisfied. ] Because that's what I want.
[ still smiling, keith traces a long line from collarbone down to shiro's flesh hand, taking it and intertwining their fingers. ]
Sounds stupid but... I really didn't want to want., I guess. [ he huffs, expression turning slightly self deprecating. ] Heh. You know. If you hadn't ghosted me, I was planning on saying thank you. For helping me figure things out ... and for showing me it was gonna be okay. ....Aaand then I was going to break it off with you because I realized that even though things were okay, I didn't want to be just okay. I wanted you. [ a beat. ] No, I want you. I want to kiss you. I wanna be able to say your name while we touch.
[ pause. is that too subtle? ]
I want to look at you and hold you while you fuck me.
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he can’t say he’s surprised by the revelation. he harbors favoritism for keith; he has for a long time, even when he was vehement of his denial for it.
throughout keith’s talking, shiro keeps his smile, watching patiently and fondly, as keith works through his own wants. he squeezes encouragingly at his hand, his free one rubbing at keith’s thigh. it travels up in the pause, thumb tracing along the angle of keith’s pelvic bone as his fingers curl around and his palm flattens to his hip. while you fuck me. his gaze is steady, but growing heavier, because while he doesn’t make any obvious outward reaction to it, his abdomen tightens on a flutter and a shiver runs down his spine, accumulating and spreading through his lower body to make him twitch. ]
I want that, too.
[ he breathes out the words, voice already weighty with renewed desire. leaning in, he tips the angle to press a kiss to keith’s jaw, nosing further along the hard line of it. fuck, being able to see keith’s face when they’re connected… – he wanted that before. he tried to create a poor man’s mimic of such intimacy by riding anonymous and himself of the door. it simply wasn’t enough. the eyes, the mouth, the sweaty tangles of hair – the best parts were covered up. so that’s all it takes, one little mention, and shiro is quickly losing his patience and composure. he’s thinking of keith arching off the sheets, hair haloed around him as he tries to focus his eyes. fuck. or keith riding him just like this, with his head tipped back and neck arched. shiro would have to take a fistful of his hair and yank him down, huh? he’d have to keep those eyes on him, to never waver throughout every drop down of keith’s body.
he groans, metal fingers tightening at his hip. ] Bet you’re a sight when you’re full of me. [ his body has certainly been greedy for his cock; does that insatiable desire make its way to keith’s face? does he go all dark eyed and flushed, soft, full lips finally able to to part around noises that won’t be muffled? ] Can’t believe I’ve had you all those times and I never got to see, got to hear…
[ he huffs a breath just barely resembling a laugh and then explores his galra hand up keith’s torso, sliding in to skim his fingertips along the shape of his pec and over his nipple. ]
I said your name once. [ cooed. casual. ] Do you remember? [ he pulls back to get a full look at keith, grinning. ] You felt so good around me that I lost my mind. [ a beat, fingers giving a playful pinch at his nip. ] Think you can do it again? Maybe make me yell it this time… not in that chainsmoker voice you love so much?
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barely a minute in, and everything is different. constraints enforced by glory holes and anonymity had eliminated most avenues of foreplay. even towards the end of those hook ups, there'd still been a sheet to keep most of him covered, and touch had almost always been more more direct right from the get go. hands on his cock, fingers scissoring his rim, a tongue pushed inside his hole -- all with the assumption of enforced silence.
shiro's voice in this context is damn near intoxicating. kisses, butterfly touches and pinches. keith moans as fingers squeeze a half dime pert, cock filling out again fast with a twitch. fuck -- those stupid mandatory "good mate" classes have more or less drilled into his head what's considered an erogenous zone, but knowing the nipple is one of those things is still not wholly the same as discovering in real time that he's sensitive here too. he flushes, slowly lettin expelling a long puff of breath as he gathers his wits. ]
I remember.... [ voice breathy, keith drags his hnads up shiro's arms, feeling the strength in his boyfriend's biceps and shoulders with appreciative squeezes. he shivers, before scooting a little closer hips just shy of being flush to shiro's but close enough that the tip of his cock brushess just beneath shiro's cockhead. ] Kind of.. I wasn't really really thinking straight at all.
[ he laughs, looking sheepish for a moment. ]
Being full of you kinda has that effect.
[ of course, being in the throes of a frighteningly long orgasm hadn't exactly helped his coherence either. keith glances down at their almost touching cocks, then looks back up at shiro to steal an open mouthed kiss and pulls away with a gentle bite at his lower lip. that bit of cheek is all the warning shiro gets before keith reaches down to grab him by the balls. ]
You'd yell if I squeezed now, yeah?
[ he wouldn't, of course. a point made self evident a half beat later when he lets go in favor of indulgently tracing a thick vein up to the frenulum simply because he can.. being the one covered up has kept keith strictly on the receiving end of anon's whims, and it's exhilarating to look and see how shiro reacts to him for a change. ]
Heh. it's our first real time together and you're already turning it into a challenge. Unbelievable.
[ except it's not. it's so ridiculous shiro that even though keith is teasing, his heart is overstuffed with fondness. ]
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so it’s tempting to continue on this trajectory. he can already see it; the two of them setting into a throwdown challenge of who can make the other louder, both teasing until one of them breaks to wrap a hand around the two of them, rocking their cocks together. he’s wanted this, too. it never would have worked unless shiro took up the sheet and covered himself up instead, but he’d liked the idea of anonymous riding him enough to begin considering it. he ghosted him before he ever reached a comfort level necessary for him to bear such vulnerability, but it’s alright. it’s okay. he has keith now and keith already looks gorgeous straddling his thighs. if shiro just inches down a little more, giving keith more room to move, he could line up shiro’s cock and sink down on it.
and maybe that would be the appropriate way to do this, because underneath keith’s cheekiness, shiro’s certain the boy is still nervous about wanting to be filled. that would give keith more of the power, more of the control; he’d be leading. but shiro’s also a greedy, wanting man, who enjoys pushing keith. ]
You’re right. This is our first real time and it’s special.
[ he gives that half-dime a parting brush, delighting in how perky that nub is, and then moves both hands around to press flat against keith’s back, fingers spread wide to encompass more space. ] So know what I’m gonna do? [ palms down, along his shoulder blades, they’re good leverage points for him to grasp keith and pull, coaxing the boy to lift up on his knees to come closer. ]
I’m gonna focus on making you yell and you sob. [ is that too much like anonymous? maybe. but aside from shiro wanting to shower keith with affection, he wants keith to see him, too. to see how much he enjoys touching his body. which he does now; with keith higher, the access to that chest is open, giving shiro the easiest lean forward to flick the tip of his tongue over that hard nub. he mouths in next, kissing it and grazing teeth. ]
Been wanting to worship this body for months… so can you do that for me? Can you let yourself enjoy it?
no subject
but shiro isn't done with retaliating, is he? keith's touch is light enough that when shiro hoists him up onto his knees, his hands sim drags up over cockhead to lay flat on shiro's abs. as if the point hadn't been made clear already, having full access to play with each other is an entirely different beast. warm lips find his chest, and the flick of tongue on peaked nipple gets keith to whine as he wraps both arms around shiro's back.
but it's shiro's voice more than anything else that makes keith flush warm from cheeks down to his chest. fuck. the time when he'd been more galra than human is the first real indication he'd ever gotten than anonymous's words were just as filthy as his tongue, but that'd been once and keith's never built up any immunity to dirty talk. again, those fucking good mate classes only go so far and they'd largely only made keith feel extremely uncomfortable reading off lewd suggestions from cue cards.
but even that's beside the point, isn't it? he looks down at shiro, eyes wide with surprise. thing is? keith's never been great at receiving care from others, much less being spoiled with it to the point of worship. then again, considering shiro knows this, perhaps the real ask is for keith to willingly make himself vulnerable and open. no hiding, no muffling, no denying.
looking a pinch doe eyed, keith's heart does a horrible flutterskip that makes breathing difficult for two beats before he's finally able to speak. ]
...it's you, Shiro. You know I'd do anything for you.
[ a beat. ]
But you're sure about that? You don't want me to suck you off or anything?
no subject
granted, keith is still very much that sweet, hesitant boy from their walk back from the carnival. naturally, a counter-offer was always in the cards. and boy, shiro cannot confidently say that he isn’t tempted. ]
I do love your mouth…
[ his own is still mouthing at keith’s chest, lips moving across the slight dip between keith’s pecs, moving, still moving all the way over to keith’s other nipple. it receives similar treatment in a flick and a kiss, though the wet suck is an added slow indulgence. notwithstanding, of course. one suckle, two, and the third draws longer before he releases to coo over the pert thing. ]
But I’m patient. [ he tips his head, looking, briefly, up at keith, before lifting his head to sit up just a little more. so – ] Later. Right now, all you need to do is keep your eyes open and watch me please you.
[ and lay down, apparently. shiro helps him through that. pulls him down, tips their weight and rolls them over, careful in the way he helps rearrange keith so he ends up beneath shiro, adequately cradled by the pillow. holding himself with his hands and knees, so none of his weight remains on keith, shiro grins down at the other. ]
Sounds easy, but I’m quite good with my mouth, too.
no subject
okay, so maybe a month's worth of sexual abstinence from anon and some quick, barely satisfying masturbation sessions to get sex out of his system hasn't exactly helped with his excitability here, but that can't wholly be it, right?
shiro scoops him up to reposition him onto his back and keith still keeps his eyes trained on his boyfriend's face. it's almost easier that way, not visually acknowledging his own arousal, though he can feel it potently. from the stiff peaks of his half dimes, down to the subtle throb of his cock as it reaches up as if to try and touch shiro hovering above him. he swallows, feeling the slow bob of his adam's apple as keith takes a deep breath.
fuck. he's imagined having shiro on top of him before. smiling while forging their connection stronger, deepr, filthier, but always with guilt attached to the fantasy. anon and shiro were always meant to be distinct entities, though the line had been blurred so often in the throes of passion that their convergence now still feels unreal. keith reaches up in defiance of shiro's orders to push back his forelock with a look of soft disbelief on his face before letting his arm flop back down on the bed. a nervous fidget later, and keith shuffles his legs apart on the bed, neatly boxing shiro between the border of his thighs. ]
Heh. You say it like I don't already know that. [ like he hasn't cum down shiro's throat and in his mouth without knowing. somewhat amused, keith huffs. ] Unless you're saying you've been holding back?
[ it's teasing. part of their usual competitive banter, really. but truthfully, inexperience menas keith very sincerely can't imagine all the ways in which that might actually be the case. ]
no subject
but instead, he yields, slightly, to the idea that he’s already offered up his best. ]
I pulled out all the stops for you. [ the grin turns boyish in its lopsided curvature. shuffling down keith’s body, he briefly ducks down to kiss his sternum. ] I love pleasing this body.
[ he’s wandering down said body, brushing kisses over abs and belly button, breathing words in the midst. ]
And now you get to see just how much I do. [ love pleasing him. he lifts his head, and settles down in the framing of keith’s thighs, more comfortably seated with his legs tucked underneath himself. ] This gorgeous face here? [ he drags his palm over keith’s hip and down the crease of pelvis meeting thigh, fingers curling around a once again, nicely filled out dick. ] You’re gonna watch how wide you push my lips apart. How wet you make them.
[ the ridges are standing out and shiro, now fully prepared for them, has nothing but desire for them as he squeezes, feeling each line against his palm. ]
Bet you’ll make my eyes water, too. [ he blinks slow, accentuating the slight flutter to his lashes, clearly playing it up. ] When these ridges start working down my throat.
no subject
see, as much as he'd grown to like sucking anon's cock hard until it spat cum on his tongue and down his throat, it'd been yet another weird, guilty pleasure that he wasn't sure how to accept about himself. perhaps part of that had been the inherent absurdity of only ever being face to face with a waiting dick poked through a library shelf or a hole in the door that left his insides roiling in shame for getting off to having his mouth stretched wide and throat stuffed full, but there'd been more to that too. the guy on the other side of the door had grunted and groaned, and in the back of keith's mind, he'd put familiarity to those horny, wet sounds.
familiarity that, now, keith no longer has to fantasize or imagine. slowly, he props himself up onto his elbows, breathing hard to follow shiro's face as he settles on his knees between the split of his legs. it's ... fuck. it's so much, just looking at shiro there, grinning and teasing and possibly getting off to the same thing keith had been self-critical over. ]
Shiro... [ fuck. shiro hasn't even touched him yet and already there's a whine to his voice. feeling heat spread across his cheeks, keith swallows, trying for a pinch of composure. ] .. Fuck, you're gonna make me cum really quick if you keep talking like that.
[ a beat later, and keith has to laugh. ]
Fuck I don't even know what I'm saying right now. Just ... [ carefully, he sits up a little further, hand outstretched to sweep white forelock back and away from shiro's face. ]
You're the one who made me like this, you know? Taking it in my mouth until I choke. I didn't know you felt the same way.
[ on some level, it's kind of funny. anon had always taken such care to be quiet, and shiro is anything but. again, less than five minutes in and keith is stupidly aroused by the difference. like it isn't just him being more vulnerable, more present and himself in his visibility, but shiro too.
perhaps it's even funnier then, that a long time ago when keith had tried to imagine what first-time sex with shiro would have been like, he'd pictured something gentle and sweet. this still is, of course, but it's intercut with filth and something more real that it makes keith shiver as he drags fingers down to hook his index at shiro's lower lip. ]
Fitting, that I end with the morning porn.
Felt what way? Enjoy sucking cock?
[ he made keith like that? there’s some valuable nugget of information there. was he the first dick keith’s ever taken into his mouth? is it his dick that keith’s lavished the most attention to? both thoughts are pleasing; combined, they have him shivering and hazy-minded, a quick spell of pleasure sufficiently distracting him in the moment. only for a beat. then he’s sobering, answering the question for himself. ]
It’s definitely not for everyone and I’d never expect it from you if you didn’t –
[ but he does. so he abandons the words and doesn’t bother ending it. see, while keith and anonymous are the same person, they are distinctly different entities in his head. being with anonymous was about taking and being unapologetic with his own pleasure. of course, toward the end, he hadn’t been a selfish lover with anonymous, either, but he’d started off as one; that theme coloring the rest of their interactions to the point that shiro did expect certain things from anonymous, even during the moments that he was the one with his mouth pressed to the door.
keith is different. keith is always different. it wouldn’t necessarily be his first choice, because he very much wants to get his cock inside this boy, but he’s also quite confident in the idea that he’d be perfectly satisfied rutting into the mattress as he adores keith’s body, pleasing him until the boy is sobbing and spent, a useless, adorable mess in the sheets. ]
But yeah, I like it. [ he quirks a smile, looking boyish and sweet, there between keith’s legs. ] I want you to feel good. I want to feel you feeling good.
[ … but then there’s a shift. that sweetness that’s oddly almost wholesome slips away, features subtly changing until an expression takes that is heat and confidence and a touch of competitiveness, too. keith’s sitting up and reaching. that’s the issue he’s zeroed in on here; something that he feels compelled to correct. so he lifts up, moving his hands to crawl back up keith’s body and to force himself into keith’s space. ]
Make no mistake, I’m the one with your dick in my mouth, but I’m the one control. [ a balances on one hand and gets the other to keith’s shoulder, gente, yet insistent in how he pushes him back down into the pillow. ] I’m the one leading you through your pleasure. I’ll take care of you, even when you’re pleasure-drunk and out of your mind. [ a soft, kind laugh. hovering over him, he ducks down to peck keith’s lips, his nose, and finally his forehead. ] Remember… let yourself enjoy it. I’ve got you, baby.
i feel contractually obligated to tag this so you have more morning porn
[ the word slips out in an awed gasp as shiro parts his lips and sucks at the tip of his index. his thoughts instantly haze up again, eyes round with lizard-brained fascination for the focus on shiro's face, the heated wetness inside. fuck. it shouldn't make his dick throb to have his finger lavished with attention, but want spreads like wildfire, and pre beads at his cock head.
the only reason keith even properly registers that shiro is talking to him is because shiro gives him no choice. he pulls away from his finger, drawing keith's attention back with him. gaze shifting back from lips to shiro's eyes, keith remembers belatedly to stop staring open-mouthed while listening.
it shouldn't come as an actual surprise to hear that shiro likes sucking dick. if he didn't, he wouldn't have bothered to offer i n the first place, right? but it's in listening to shiro speak so shamelessly -- boldly -- about his kinks and turn ons that make keith a little dizzy with so many different feelings. like maybe he could be like this, too. bold. demanding, shameless and ... just incredibly sexy for it.
fuck. the thought actually makes him sputter an involuntary laugh. what the fuck is going on with the world that he sincerely, legitimately cares about coming across sexy to anyone, huh? but he likes this. he likes being pushed back down on the pillow, being told authoritatively that there is no vulnerability here. shiro is in control, in his element and keith looks up at him, heart hammering so hard and loud that it's got to be some miracle shiro hasn't commented on it yet.
he's felt many thing about shiro over the years. during the war and for most of porn prison, it'd been largely colored with concern and protectiveness. here, with the way his heart feels squeezed and tight, adoration pours out of him in excess to soften his wanting expression with something moonier. keith starts to raise his hand, but catches himself and lowers it to the mattresss. and if that weren't enough? he breathes out: ]
Yes, sir. I'll be a good boy for you.
[ the words feel a little foreign on his tongue, though he must've said some horrible permutation of this at some mandatory class. it feels wholly different now, saying the words and actually meaning them. keith shivers this time, no longer quite laughing anymore. ]
I'll properly enjoy everything you give me., Shiro.
i am mid-morning porning. i am losing my edge.
he smiles, instead, conscious of the fact that this is their first time together as themselves. it’s meant to be special, right? so he settles somewhere in between: leaning down to softly kiss his mouth, pulling away to murmur an approving: ]
Good boy.
[ and then he’s working his way down keith’s body again. it’s similar to before, because he can’t not kiss that canvas of pretty skin and lean lines. each half-dime gets a lick and a nip, the right getting an extra suck because shiro deems it needs one. down, over ribs and through the panes of keith’s abdominals, shiro nuzzles his nose in as he kisses that cute belly button again… and then he takes a hard angle to his right. skipping the obvious destination of his cock, shiro kisses the junction of pelvis to inner thigh. this close, the side of his head brushes against the hard extension of keith’s cock and for that, keith gets shiro’s flesh fingers enclosing around in toward the base, wrist tilting to point keith’s cock away.
undeterred throughout, shiro fastens parted lips to keith’s thigh and then starts to suck. hard. he bites next and gives keith’s cock a single stroke to offset the nip of his teeth. he resumes sucking, working the skin over and over in the single-minded focus to leave a patch of reddened skin. eventually, he releases and lifts his head, observing the pinkness and deciding, yes, that will bruise nicely. he grins to himself and looks up the line of keith’s body, giving him another stroke that has him gathering pre and dragging it down. ]
I could do this for hours. [ he is particularly chatty, isn’t he? it started as a means to ease keith into this. to help him feel more comfortable, rather than letting nerves build and build in a blanket of silence. but the more he gives voice to his desires, the more shiro enjoys it. so now? now it’s for himself too. ] Kiss every inch of you and leave you littered with marks. My marks. [ he dips right back down to kiss the blemish forming on his thigh, speaking the words into him. ] But that’s not what you want right now, is it? Tell me, good boy… where do you want my mouth?
it is still morning porn, it counts??
but in much the same way that keith hadn't laughed after being a little silly, shiro isn't either and the good boy keith earns rings fainly in his ears. good boy. in what feels like years ago now, h3'e onfe called anon that just before bending over to present his ass to the door. warming from the memory alone, keith goes a pinch starry eyed as shiro kisses his open mouth and moves back down his body. ]
Fuck...
[ more mewl than curse, keith's breath hithces as shiro teases his nipples. the urge to touch amd grab at shiro's hair and face is impossible to ignore outright. heart pounding, keith bites his lower lip and instead pulls at the sheets as he rolls back his shoulders back into the mattress to extend the tease of lips on his peaked dimes.
not that the effort gets him what he wants. shiro moves on and keith sinks back down on the mattress, following shiro's movements through lidded eyes. with his head propped up, he gets a clear enough view, though that doesn't fully settle his nerves. with anon, he'd always been able to stay calm with the reminder that he could make it stop with a twist or a roll away, but that logic doesn't apply here. for starters, keith doesn't want to make it stop because it's shiro and shiro is patient and deliberate..... ]
Nnn, Shiro...
.... and a fucking cocktease. the whine slips out equal parts dismayed and amused when his boyfriend pushes his cock out of the way to suck at his inner thigh. breathing hard, keith endures the throb of his trapped cock with soft moans as lips and suck. but of course, he's not allowed to get used to that. teeth pinch and he jolts with a whimper that's surprised and pleasured rolled into one sharp noise. hands clenching and unclenching and making a mess of the neat sheets, keith groans when his boy finally fucking relents and gives his cock a slow stroke.
hours. shiro could do this for hours. it's not a threat because it feels good, but it registers in a way that makes keith shiver as soon as the suggestion is out of shiro's lips.
fuck. they really could do this for hours. no fuck and run like with their anonymous trysts. no scramble to get cleaned up and dressed to pretend that nothing happened. and absolutely no marks beyond what was unavoidable. keith swallows,head swimming in incoherence. he's seen inmates wandering around with hickeys everywhere. gross had been his entire assessment. funny how a single adjective recontextualizes the whole fucking thing, huh? sh's marks.
his expression faotersk his indecision entirely genuine as he looks to shiro for some guidance over choosing between two amazing things. if keith were a little clearer headed, he might've laughed at himself. ]
I want ... I want those marks. Your marks. [ he breathes out, relaxing his grip on the sheet to gesture at his hip and collarbone. ] Want reminders. [ a beat: ] But I want your mouth on my cock too. I -- please.
Coffee, actual food breakfast and porn; you're set up for a wonderful day
so no, shiro isn’t going to deny him, despite keith cheating on the answer and asking for three uses of his mouth. he will tease him, however. ]
I’ll give you what you want… but I’ve only got one mouth, Keith. [his smile curls slow, a touch mischievously. he shifts up, pitching over to find the jut of keith’s left hip. ] Patience.
[ – yields focus, yada yada. shiro is focusing, at the very least, by bending down to give keith’s hip the same treatment as his thigh. even with the high crest of his hipbone but more anterior to his front than his side, shiro lavishes that softened skin with attention that grows wetter and hungrier with each tick. throughout, he keeps a hand on keith’s cock, fingertips idly shifting with gentle explorations of those ridges. skin sufficiently bruised, shiro lifts up and swings further anterior, dipping down to, without much warning, issue one very brief, very smooth kiss to keith’s cockhead. ]
Collarbone next, you wanted?
[ he’s grinning and licking his lips, chasing the bit of salty flavor there. crawling back up, he, unfortunately, has to let go of keith’s cock. he hopes to make up for it though as he finds the line of keith’s collarbones, going for the left side. it’s a delicate looking thing and he almost hesitates in treating it so roughly, but there at the middle, below the hard notch, shiro is quick to suck hard and bite with single-minded intention. soon, it’s ruddy and glistening with spit. shiro delights in staring at it, only to then turn that same, heated gaze to keith’s neck. ]
I think I should put one on your neck, too. [ keith’s cock is meant to be next and god yes, shiro wants that in his mouth just as much as keith wants to put it there, but shiro is drawn in to the perfect arch and length of keith’s throat. he noses in and adjusts the lean of his body. it’s not the same as the heat of his mouth but… he lines up their hips and rolls his own, sliding his cock against keith’s. he nips to muffle his moan, mumbling: ]
Should leave lots of marks here. Then everyone will see, everyone will know.
it's true, my day was stacked
Mm, I know, I know...
[ the words are murmured, but not quite apologetic as keith huffs. frankly, it's a lie. he's never felt so much like he knows nothing in his life, but even that idle thought sinply pops out of existence as shiro manifests a mark on his hip. groaning, keith bucks his hips, rutting his cock into shiro's palm. of course, he knows that's not what shiro wanted from him, but he's allowed to have that one luxurious roll, right? evidently yes, because the heat of lips at his cock head comes so suddenly that keith moans outright from surprise alone.
the temptation for pushing orders builds, mischief briefly lighting up keith's eyes but just as quick shiro abandons his cock and comes up higher. fuck. it isn't fair that shiro as such a strangle hold on the start-stop nature of his thoughts, but what would have been a drawn out whine comes out so much filthier from need when shiro lines up their hips, their cocks and ruts slow. ]
Sir....
[ this time, keith abandons his grip on the sheets, unable to keep from putting his hands on broad shoulders. all things considered, it's funny. he used to think he knew what the general thrust of sex was. cocks inside holes, frantically rutting hips, unbearable heat and eventually.. capitulation to desires that don't wholly feel like his own.
this is decidedly not that. anon had grabbed, licked, sucked and fucked with keith's tacit consent. right now, shiro's leaving marks where he's directed, giving keith exactly what he wants. the thrill of it is as electrifying as the friction on his cock and the heat of shiro's skin. unthinking, he rolls his head back on the pillow, offering his neck to shiro with a visible shiver.
everyone will see. everyone will know..
in so many ways, it's the antithesis of what keith has wanted. being with anon meant nobody saw, nobody knew. everything about him was a secret, even to the guy balls deep inside him. keith swallows hard, the bob of his throat painfully slow. subverting months and months of comfort, presenting the temporary brand of shiro's care for the world to see -- the thoughts circle in keiths head for several maddening beats until, finally, he figures out what shiro must be waiting for. ]
So do it, Shiro. I'm ready to show everyone who I belong to.
[ despite that, his heart is racing faster than ever. keith's always bo private and guarded about his persona life that bringing any facet of it to the forefront goes against every instinct. so maybe it wont come as any surprise to shiro that one of keith's hands trail down his arm to feel for his boyfriend's hand. his fingers are a pinch sweaty from nervousness, but when he has shiro's hand in his, his grip s tight, his voice more assertive.]
Give it to me.
and here we go again with an attack of tags
he presses his mouth fully to keith’s neck and goes to work: tongue making it wet and then teeth marking the space, before he sucks and sucks. seems shiro is the possessive type. they haven’t been hiding their relationship, but they’ve been rather chaste about it, both in public and alone, anonymous trysts not included. a kiss here, a hug there, and a dose of heavy flirting… that’s been the extent out on the prison grounds. shiro’s never thought much about himself wanting people to know; he hadn’t been that way with adam.
the galaxy garrison operates completely different than this prison, obviously, so maybe that’s part of it. maybe part of shiro’s sudden desire to leave keith littered with marks is so their fellow inmates see him and realize he’s already well taken care of. that he already has someone to help him through his sentence. that they are wholly unneeded. then they’ll back the fuck off and leave keith to him.
his jaw tightens and he’s biting down harder, catching himself a moment later to relax the clasp of teeth. rolling his tongue over the reddened skin after, part in apology and part in farewell, shiro then immediately picks out another section to give the same treatment. onto his second mark now, slowly climbing up keith’s neck, shiro rolls his hips again to follow through on a dirty, indulgent grind. it feels different, but in a good way, he supposes. the ridges of keith’s cock put too much pressure in some places but the teetering of too much is exciting and invigorating and shiro decides he likes it. so he continues moving his pelvis against keith’s, inevitably moving to a third and then a fourth mark, one that ends just underneath the floor of keith’s mandible.
he lifts his head to survey his work. just as his thigh and his hip, the skin is pink and wet, ruddy with the promise of darkening with time. shiro grins, body still moving in languid motions to rub their cocks together. ]
Fuck, Keith. You’re going to draw everyone’s eyes for days.
[ granted, shiro is of the opinion that keith does that anyway, with his long legs, shapely body and perfectly angled face. but he’s made impossibly prettier now, with a line of bruises climbing up his neck. ]
and now it is my turn to morning porn....
keith groans when shiro lets up to lick throbbing skin, grip tightening on the hand he has in his. the shivering is damn near uncontrollable as pain pulses away into tingling that goes straight to his aching dick. it's then, with a paradoxically hazy clarity, that keith realizes he could actually cum just like this. with shiro biting and sucking his neck, all while rocking their cocks together. perhaps that shouldn't even be surprising, considering what happened the very first time they'd been together with keith grinding furiously until he managed to climax on a horrified shiro.
the memory is as sobering as getting his head dunked in a bucket of ice water. somewhat jarred, despite knowing shiro doesn't hold any of that against him, keith looks to his boyfriend feeling a pinch unsettled. forcing a deep breath, he gives his hand another squeeze and murmurs: ]
Will you be looking, too?
[ the question is nonsensical. of course shiro's going to be looking. it's just ... drawing attention means less than nothing if shiro isn't there to look at keith with approving, proud eyes. one deep breath then keith brings his fingers up to trace the wet line down his throat, suddenly wishing he could see it for himself. shiro's certainly left a mark on his face before, but these are different -- asked for and wanted. ]
'Cuz that's the only thing that matters to me. I want it to look good for you.
and so it continues
the rocking of his dick against keith’s slows and the blanketing of his body pulls back, until he’s sitting up between keith’s legs. he’s situated with his knees to the bed, legs folded underneath his body… but he’s greedy for keith’s space, so those knees widen and split, pushed under the open splay of keith’s thighs. ]
Keith…
[ it’s a fond rendition of his name, shiro’s affectionate gaze adding weight. both hands frame keith at the waist, smoothing down to take more substantial grabs at hips. he drags him, just a little more, a little higher, up the slop of shiro’s thighs to get keith’s ass closer into his lap. there; perfect. he has keith at his fingertips; so close and so easy to play with, which he does in short order, flesh hand wrapping around keith’s cock to give it a smooth tug. ]
I’m always looking at you. You have no idea how captivating you are.
[ keith’s been captivating from the very start, first with his skill and his drive, although that second one was buried under layers upon layers of stubbornly held disappointment for life. years later, shiro still finds himself inspired and awe-shaken with the feats keith manages to pull off through his unyielding determination to see done what he deems necessary. but in recent months, the direction of his gaze has shifted, with him openly eyeing up parts of keith that he had denied himself before. and he doesn’t just mean the obvious filth of drifting his eyes south when keith walks ahead of him or how he knows from the crease in keith’s pants that he tucks right. it’s things like holding his breath a half a second more when keith bursts into laughter or staring at his mischief lit smile too long. he’s gorgeous in the early mornings, too, when his hair is a mess and there are pillow creases on his face, eyes barely open and brain still ensnared by fading sleep.
shiro particularly likes this soft-eyed look, too, with the whole of keith’s body laid out before him, love-bites scattered and nips glistening with drying saliva. he huffs, amused, and cups the head of keith’s cock, circling the spongy tip with his thumb. ]
shl it really does because here i am... in the morning. writing filth
vat the stunned into silent awe as shiro lifts his ass up to rest on his thighs.
it's just... whenever keith thinks of the version of shiro back in his reality or his point in the timeline -- whatever the case is, it's difficult to even imagine them being so close, let alone his best friend ever saying something as addictive as i'm always looking at you. shiro had never said it outright, but keith remembers the haunted looks shiro would cast in his direction when he thought keith wasn't paying attention.
the truth is, maybe keith is used to being captivating... but for all the wrong reasons.
whether that be drawing the attention of other kids in school for being a smaller, weirdo emo kid from a group home, teachers who breathed down his neck for every minor infraction, to drawing the ire or intrigue of his peers in space for either being too galra or not galra enough, his life has been a clusterfuck of expectations and assumptions that keith has long since stopped giving two shits about.
...well, except for one person that is.
for a while, keith had felt maybe the distance put between him and shiro was something he deserved for not having been there, for failing to recognize the imposter until it was too late. being with this shiro here and now makes him want all these things he likely doesn't deserve but is too selfish and starved to wean himself off of. can't. won't. ]
I... [ his breath hitches and peters into a soft moan, thoughts spiraling out of reach as shiro pumps and teases at his cock head. pre continues to bead at the tip, his cock aching as it reaches for shiro, but even that ceases to be embarrassing. he wants shiro, and for once he doesn't need to imagine or harbor any guilty feelings about that while there's an unknown cock giving him pleasure. eyes going half-lidded, he wraps his legs around shiro's back and carefully scooches higher up on his lap until his ass bumps shiro's cock. keith swallows hard, breathing a little harder as he mumbles: ]
That's all you. You're captivating. You're the most incredible person I've ever met and I ... sometimes I look at you and I feel like I'm dreaming.
two morning porns in one day, what is happening
he curls his thumb around keith’s cock to complete the circle and gives him a stroke, all the while reminding himself that he can’t get ahead of himself. he promised to give keith what he wants and this boy wanted his mouth.
the script keeps changing, keeps evolving into something deeper, however, and the headiness of his desire, while still potent, doesn’t overwhelm him into dirty, filth-filled words. keith has gone soft and sentimental, and shiro, lulled by the earnestness of those mumbles, has his chest fluttering with sweet, besotted feeling. so there is no returning tease of this, probably, being better than any dream keith’s ever had or a prompting of keith to tell him exactly what kind of dreams keith’s entertained about him. instead, shiro redirects them, once more making keith the focus. ]
You are a dream, Keith. [ he smiles, expression honeyed and mildly bewitched with infatuation. seems they are in an unspoken competition to see who can be the sappiest. apparently, shiro is intent on winning. ] My dream.
[ he keeps moving his hand, up, down, up along those ridges, pumping keith slowly. ]
No. That’s not right. I don’t think I could’ve ever imagined someone like you. [ that isn’t to say he thinks keith is perfect in some unrealistic way. but he fits perfectly in shiro’s life, to support shiro through the lows and to meet him in the highs, rejuvenating shiro’s sense of purpose and drive, so, as cliché as it sounds, shiro can be a better version of himself. ]
You’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had… and now you’re more. [ he pauses in his stroking, thumb pressing to the frenulum, rubbing against it, while his other hand finds the reddened mark at keith’s thigh, fingers tracing teasing outlines of it. ] So much more than I ever allowed myself to hope for.
THREE.
swallowing, keith squirms for the tiniest of bucks into the closed fist around his cock then catches himself and tries to relax fully. paying attention gets harder with every stroke though, especially when a good chunk of his lizard brain is wholly preoccupied with the fundamental design flaw that is the fact that shiro can't talk and suck him off at the same time. frustration with this deeply unfair predicament bursts out of him as keith lets out a deeply confused but needy moan. ]
Fuck, shiro!
[ or should that be sir? rhetoric growing fuzzy in his head, keith abandons the sheet to reach up and pull shiro down closer. to his face, to his cock -- he doesn't know, somehow that ceases to matter as much as simply closing the distance between them. <
but even in his feverish haze of wants, keith still manages to hear something profoundly depressing in his best friend's admission that he's never pushed for the absolute best for himself. his hand lands mid-way up shiro's metal arm, but the tug is poorly coordinated and weakened by the continued rhythmic pumping of his cock. keith shivers, groans and blurts: ]
You should hope for the best. Only the best! 'Cuz that's what you deserve. You deserve all the best the universe can offer you and --[ his breath hitches, voice cutting off with a gasp as the ache in his chest focuses sharp like a laser. the universe never gave that to his shiro. but this one....? this one, keith can still hope for, right? teeth grit, he shudders through the rush of feeling and grips the prosthetic arm tight. ]
...and I'm gonna get up and cum on your face if you disagree.
This isn't morning porn but... Does it still count.
so, shiro deserves the best and while this is said, he’s being pulled ever closer to keith. is keith trying to signify something here? it’s easier to focus on the humor to be found in that, rather than the sobering topic of what shiro does and doesn’t deserve. the second list is, unfortunately, far easier for shiro to outline. that isn’t to say he doesn’t strive for happiness or hope for certain things to come to pass, but he’s more accustomed to being battered around by misfortune and strife. he just doesn’t have it in him anymore to ignore all else and shoot for the stars like he did in his youth.
but it’s okay. it is. he makes due and not only that, sometimes he catches a break. sometimes he finds himself so blessed that all the terrible things that have led him to the moment aren’t quite as regretful. like now. right now, he has his best friend opening up to him, trusting him… threatening him…?
shiro’s chest expands on a breath, feeling a buzz underneath his skin and then he’s laughing. at least threaten him with something he won’t enjoy. though, he supposes, keith untangling himself and lifting free from his recline would be less than ideal. he looks so pretty all laid out, the sheets already rumbled around him. ]
Fine, alright. [ happiness fills those simple words. the ease in which he caves is surprising, isn’t it? the reason as to why it’s so easy becomes clear after he finally snags that kiss and then pulls back. ] I deserve you.
[ best, keith, same thing, really. back again, to that subtle challenge of who gets to fawn over the other more, shiro is rather confident he’s the one getting the last word in. he isn’t above securing his so-called victory through craftier means, though. so he sits up and lets go of keith’s cock, hand a little sticky as he reaches behind himself with both, loosening the hooking of keith’s ankles to unwind those long, long legs. ]
Now cum down my throat, instead.
[ he moves quick for such a big guy. on moment he’s sitting upright, grinning a lazy, cheeky thing at keith, and then he’s down between keith’s spread legs, belly to the bedding and arms pushed under keith’s thighs, hands coming up from below to grasp keith by the hips. his mouth comes next and he isn’t slow about that either. he opens wide and engulfs, sealing lips tight around those ridges as he sinks down immediately.
… HEEHE, he wins. ]
i say yes in spirit.
perhaps subconsciously, he'd been gearing up for a protracted pep talk about how shiro can't ever give up on his own happiness and settle for something less, but the conversation's gone sideways in some black belt level jujitsu move. frankly, it feels like a non-sequitur -- they'd been talking about shiro and the best things in life, and keith is slow to work out how the hell his name got dragged into that.
just as the gears start turning, however, shiro lifts up and away, then quickly scooches down between his legs, hands at his hips and thighs. keith blinks, but any hope of a clever comeback is utterly annihilated by the shock of a wet mouth on his cock. caught entirely by surprise, keith throws his head back and lets out a throaty moan that pitches high as shiro takes more and more of his cock into the wet heat of his mouth. hands gripping tight at the sheets, keith plants his feet on the mattress to try for a proper thrust. not that his intentions get much traction, thighs shake as shiro moves down and keith wails through the tight seal oressed around one ridge after another.
gaze easily turning half lidded and glazed over with want, it's all too apparent that keith's completelyforgotten what it is they were debating moments ago. he strains only to try and get a proper view of his cock disappearing into shiro's mouth and groans desperately as shiro's ,stretched lips inch closer to his pelvis. ]
Shiro, please!
[ voice threatening to crack, keith barely manages the plea between gasps for air. scrambled as his thoughts are, he frankly couldn't even explain what he's begging for. it's just -- it's been a month since he was intimate with anything aside from his fucking hand, and despite having been with anon for months on end, he's only ever gotten to imagine how good his partner might look with his cock stuffed down their throat. already teased, but now overheated, keith whines, hand shaking as he tries to grab at shiro's cropped hair. ]
Pleas, fucksir! You're hot like this, can't -- can't hold it!
[ an irrational panic takes hold as keith abandons trying to reach for shiro's hair and instead grabs himself around the base of his cock to squeeze tight with a strangled groan. after all, the longer he holds it in, the more being with shiro gets to be drawn out, right? ]
here i am to sin
keith gives up on shiro’s hair and shiro misses the scrabbling of those fingers immediately. he’s undeterred, though. he’s got a hefty mouthful with a fat cockhead broadening the opening of his throat and if he’s going to do with without choking through that first ridge, then he needs to concentrate. which is precisely why he does choke, because those hands give up on his hair to grab for his own cock instead. surprised, his throat spasms through an involuntary sound of confusion and then it’s working against keith’s cock, pushing it out of his throat as shiro coughs, pulls back and coughs some more.
he pulls off, spittle dripping and then splattering as he gives another, lesser cough. funnily enough, he’s unbothered by it. he’s managed to find something humorous in all of this, and the source becomes clear a moment later when he smiles and swallows hard, forcing his control over his own body. ]
Thought you said you couldn’t hold it.
[ pointedly, he sends a look at keith’s cock, where keith is clearly holding. get it? he laughs a brief, slightly strained sound. he’s rather comfortable where he is, laid out between keith’s legs, so he won’t be pushing himself up even though he has the suspicion that something is going on here that he’s having trouble pinpointing. instead, he presses a kiss to the knuckles of keith’s fingers and then lays his head on keith’s thigh, staring up the length of his body to his face. ]
What’re you doing, babe? [ soft, curious, exasperatedly fond, he wants to understand, though he can’t help another bit of teasing. ] If you’d rather come on my face that badly, you can.
or bless jizzus's birthday...??
by the time the strangled high passes over enough that keith tentatively eases off on the vice grip on his cock, he's breathing hard through the unbearable throb of his balls and cock head, eyes glazed over and somewhat unfocused as the faint yellow of his sclera fade to their usual white. shiro is talking to him, but the godawful joke he's cracked about holding goes way over keith's head. he follows shiro's glance down to his cock, groans at the newly acquired row of flushed crescent shaped indents and slowly opens up his hand.
more damning is the fact that the lewd question shiro tops off his teasing with makes keith shiver visibly, a line of goosebumps climbing up his thighs as his cock gives a traitorous twitch. ]
Shiro, no -- I can't. We just started, I don't want it to be over already.
[ a little more clarity and keith might've been able to see the holes in his own logic, but in the moment the routinized approach to each of them getting off once and then parting ways is a hard memory to override. swallowing hard, keith lifts his hand to stroke shiro's cheek fondly. ]
Just... just let me enjoy this a little bit longer. Please?
How can one comment box hold so much curse
over already…? keith thinks if he cums it’ll be over…?
shiro’s eyebrows draw in, forming a wrinkled knot, but keith is reaching for him and that’s all it takes for shiro to lift up, tilting his head into those fingers so keith doesn’t have to fight too far in his reach. now, he knows in some backwards way, keith is inexperienced with intimacy. but where in the world did he get the misconception that sex is a one-off game? they don’t talk about their sheet check-offs. shiro would think, maybe, that’s where; maybe keith only does enough to finish a requirement and then gets the hell out. but why would he associate the equivalent of a job or a punishment with shiro? because of anonymous?
… ah. this is because of anonymous, isn’t it?
it has to be, because shiro knows for certain that keith is capable of coming multiple times, even if that particular time has been heavily influenced. point is, shiro doubts this is a physical limitation. it’s simply a self-imposed limitation; one that shiro ought to correct quickly.
so, the knot relaxes and the exasperated fondness of his smile returns, the whole of him lifting as he gets himself up by the palms of his hands. ]
Who says it’ll be over? [ they have all night. they don’t have to be anywhere else. they don’t have to pretend to be anyone else, either. there is no fear of getting caught or cornered. so – ]
I know you have more than one orgasm in you. [ higher now, shiro crawls up keith’s body to hover over the stretch of him. he doesn’t bend down to kiss his mouth, but he does so to brush a sweet little thing to his cheek, the chasteness of it in stark contrast to: ]
I’m gonna wring every last drop from you… if you’d just let me. [ brat. and he does laugh at that; a brief, breathy thing against his cheek, lips still curled in a smile. ]
it is a mystery
The ru-.... [ before promptly falling into confused silence that's as subtle as the bafflement all but spelled out on keith's face. what rules is keith even talking about? the unstated one between him and anon about getting off and getting out? the one between him and shiro about not getting too close to others if it can be avoided? the prison rules that keith stubbornly spites by refusing to enjoy what is technically considered enjoyable? some unholy combination of all three things at the same time?
keith stares up helplessly lost as shiro hovers above him. just when the fuck did he even start caring about adhering to rules anyway? who is he right now, acting like some dazed virgin when he's had his mouth and ass claimed so many times before by shiro?
keith opens and shuts his mouth, trying to curb whatever ridiculous thing is happening in his head in tandem with the heavy throb of his balls. perhaps a little laughably, the only thing keith thinks to do is fucking nod. nod along like a good boy to the suggestion that he indeed can cum many, many times in one session, eyes going a pinch wider as he thinks back to that night anon -- shiro had fucked him while he was still more galra than human.
it's a dangerous box to re-open though because even in skipping through the memory of it, keith's dick gives another longing twitch as a low, hungry whine escapes his lips. is that what shiro wants to do to him now? make him cum so much and so often that he's rendered completely incoherent?
the shiver that rolls down his body spans keith in totality, from a subtle shake of his head as he tips it back on the pillow to show off his heavily marked throat down his curling toes. ]
Okay. I'll be good.
[ it's barely above whisper registers, but his voice is low and sultry. but there's one thing that has to be clarified, right? if shiro's going to try for what he did that night, then... ]
... but you mean spank not wring, don't you?
[ one day keith will understand his propensity to take things vey literally gets him in trouble. today is not that day. ]
p sure the answer to the mystery is you
keith wants shiro to spank him?
it shouldn’t be a heady thought. it shouldn’t have shiro going molten and wanting, body buzzing all the way to his fingertips that suddenly burn for connection. he could get himself to the edge of the bed, feet flat on the floor and drape keith across his lap. he could start with soft slaps to ease him into it and then go harder; hard enough to leave his skin pink and stinging. he could take breaks, to ease his fingers between his cheeks and fuck him with one, two, three, to feel his cock swell and drip against his thigh. maybe he could get keith to cum from it.
he groans against his cheek, nipping the barest amount at the high cresting of it before lifting his head. suspended above keith, shiro resists the urge to get his hips down and rub his dick against keith’s. instead, he weathers the throb and maintains some semblance of control as he smirks down at keith. ]
You tell me.
[ he fixes a calm, assessing look on the other, though the continued smirk off-sets it. his cock gives another throb and – god, it feels heavy as it hangs, pre dripping from the tip to splatter at keith’s skin. ]
Do you think you deserve some spanking after denying me your cock?
but i am such a good bean....
thing is... keith and discipline have had a long history together and most definitely not in a sexual context. it's on his sentence sheet, it's been on emblazoned on those kink shame shirts that the warden sent out months ago and it's... something keith's only ever tangentially dealt with through a deluge of mind-shattering orgasms. even then,.. it looks like shiro wouldn't classify what happened then as spanking, huh?
keith swallows hard, his throat bobbing slow as he tries to take a more even breath while all of shiro's gaze is solely on him and his swollen lips, stiff half-dimes and cock and -- fuck. he makes a low, wanting noise from the back of his throat as he looks down the line of shiro's sculpted body and takes a good long look at his boyfriend's thick cock. the pinch of apprehension melts, as his head fills with half-formed images of shiro slipping in deep in his hole, flanked by reddened cheeks that perfectly mirror the size of shape of shiro's hands.
but fuck, being disciplined has been bad for so long that it makes keith genuinely wonder if shiro could make it good. maybe that's not a concern at all because shiro makes everything he thought was awkward and terrible about sexual intimacy something wonderful... and certainly thes spanks -- slaps, assplay whatever, had only made him cum harder before. so.....
keith lifts his gaze back up to meet shiro's eyes, brow furrowed in earnest determination to at least see this through, knowing that it's something shiro wwants. ]
Mm. I failed to follow through on your order to cum down your throat. It was insubordinate, sir.
you are, you are, i appreciate you at 7:30 AM. i've doomed us all.
god, he’s even tacking on a sir; this boy is spoiling him. shiro huffs a soft, amused sound, expression delighted and faintly awed, like he can’t quite believe that they’ve found themselves here. he’s excited, though, to make all those delicious images in his head come true. he starts first by resisting the urge to swoop back down to kiss keith deep and filthy, and instead, pitches his weight more heavily to his galra arm, his other lifting to cup the side of keith’s face. ]
Good. You’ve acknowledged your mistake. [ the heaviness of his voice does nothing to overshadow how pleased he sounds, even if the words come out gruffer. pushing his hand up then, he pulls back keith’s bangs to unobscure the entirety of that pretty face. ] That’ll earn you one less spank.
[ and he pulls his hand away. he pulls away entirely, actually. lifting further to untrap keith below him, shiro moves to the side and shoves his hand underneath the other pillow to pull out a bottle of lube that he, thankfully, had the foresight to stash there earlier today. ]
Though, who knows, by the end of this, maybe that will be considered its own punishment, rather than a reward.
[ it’s already a bit of a punishment for shiro. his cock continues to throb and ache, all the way down to his sack. mercifully, he gives himself a squeeze as he shifts over to the edge of the bed, throwing his legs over to sit on his ass. the lube is dropped close to his hip, slightly behind him, and then he’s looking over at keith. he offers up a cocksure grin, lashes fanned a little lower. his hand is back on his cock, but now, it’s to press his palm to it and hold it there against his abdominals, opening up the entirety of his lap. ]
Come. Lay yourself over my lap.
[ thickened thighs await him, shiro, of course, going the extra step of flexing his quads, just to showcase the clear cuts of muscle. ]
ah. so i should expect another blizzard then.
feeling sheepish and wildly virginal all over again, keith gets to his knees and ducks his head, trying to get his hair to obscure the heavy blush still on his face. wrapping his mind around the concept of rewards and punishment sets off a flurry of heart palpitations that he tries to beat down with a swallow and a gentle clearing of his throat as he crawls over towards shiro. somehow it's easier to just stare at his boyfriend's hungry cock and be lured in closer than it is to actually be thinking about anything at all.
taking one glance up at shiro's face for a beat of reassurance, keith takes a deep breath then places his palms, one after another onto gorgeously muscled thighs, then keeps pushing past until his hips roughly line up with the center of shiro's spread legs. squirmy from some combination of nervous arousal, he pauses to gasp when his cock head grazes the inside of shiro's thigh, and shivers as he lays down flat, face and knees on the bedding with ass propped and raised up on his boy's legs. tension wraps visibly around his shoulders and back as he he shifts to get comfortable. in the end, he mostly succeeds in working himself up by rubbing his wet cock on quads. breath hitching, keith grits his teeth then grabs two fistfuls of the sheet and forces himself to relax. ]
How's this, sir?
[ is that good? does his ass look particularly spankable? keith catches himself asking the question and suddenly has no answer to the question of who he is anymore. it's all... fuck. this ought to be more embarrassing, right? ass bare, asking his boyfriend for a spanking and yet... everything about it feels a little too surreal and too overheated for his dick to do more than continue to ooze pre. he takes a deep breath, twisting his face to lie on his cheek. it's hard to catch a proper glimpse of shiro's face from this angle, but he knows shiro can see him this way and.... yeah. he wants shiro to see. putting out another breath, keith adds to the elevation of his ass by lifting up slightly on his knees. ]
Or like this?
YOU BETTER NOT GET ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE. DON'T EVEN JINX IT
fuck, it’s embarrassing how hard shiro is for this already. his cock keeps pulsing for it. keeps spitting pre, each throb working more out to have it beading and oozing. keith’s not any better and shiro resists the moan sitting ready in his throat, feeling how wet and solid keith is in his lap. he’s marked by keith in the boy’s own unique way and shiro finds he wants to leave keith sticky as well.
he removes his hand from his cock and it swings forward, straightening up from the hold against his abdominals. it taps against keith, a sharp, unexpected zip of pleasure working straight down his cock and then through the whole of him from the simple connection of skin meeting overheated, sensitive skin. he does grunt then, only to coo in approval as keith works his ass up higher, presenting himself that much more.
fucking hell, this boy doesn’t realize just how lethal he is on shiro’s self-control.
it’s a struggle. a sweet, yet tortuous struggle, that mutes shiro’s words for a moment, mouth suddenly dry and tongue entirely useless. one cycle of recentering breath and then shiro pulls together his wits, voice so husky and so raw that it sounds odd to his own ears. ]
Now you decide to be a good, cooperative boy. Funny how that works.
[ neither of which is a definitive answer to keith’s ask for direction, but the heavy weight of shiro’s flesh hand pressing against keith’s ass is its own granted approval. keith’s got quite a bit of meat there, so shiro’s hand doesn’t exactly dwarf the swells and curves of those cheeks, but it does have his dick reddening with flushed, heated feeling to see the span of his hand laid across him. the bit of pre sticking to that hand is now sticking to keith and gosh, it’s not nearly enough, but it is a start to how thoroughly debauched he is going to make this ass. ]
Is it that you’re trying to gain my favor? [ a beat, in which he spends shifting his gaze from keith’s ass to the turn of his face. another beat and shiro gets his galra hand in keith’s hair, clenching those fingers to catch strands and give them a pull. ] So I’ll go easier on you?
sfhjkls ok
in the back of his mind, keith wonders if he could cum just like this, grinding his cock against the solid muscle of shiro's legs all the while rocking back and forth between each of shiro's strong hands, flesh to metal, metal to flesh. the possibility alone is a little mortifying, and keith stills, breathing hard and a little grateful for the distraction of conversation.
but fuck -- how is he meant to answer that? does he answer honestly? or play into a role of some unrepentant delinquent who needs to be broken down into submission? the question swims in his head before keith remembers no hiding. this is meant to be something real between him and shiro for the first time, but he wonders if his real, nervous self is appealing. he drags in a deep, centering breath, twisting a little to hold shiro's gaze as best he can from the corner of his eye. ]
I always want your favor, sir.
[ he huffs, amusement partly swallowed up by another hitched breath. ]
But I don't want you to go easy on me. That's not how we are. I- I can take it.
[ heh. it's what he wrote to anon the day he lost his virginity. i want to feel it. i can take it. somehow, he never quite imagined saying those words out loud, but seeing the molten look in shiro's eyes and feeling the heavy press of his cock on his body, the words simply fall out keith's brain. ]
All of it. So give it to me.
i am leaving you on read here bc you left me on read elsewhere
good.
his smile curls wider, lips parting to show his teeth. there’s approval in his face, though whether or not keith can appreciate it from his angle of sight, is hard to say. so shiro gives his hair another short tug and rubs his palm back and forth, sideways, across keith’s ass, gradually pressing harder to work into the split of those cheeks.
he can take it, huh? of course he can. in a general sense, keith is built strong enough to withstand even the most detrimental of circumstances. but in less general senses? in more sexual situations? well, the things they did anonymously give shiro confidence that this boy can indeed take some harder slaps. and maybe keith actually does deserve some intense spanking. not for stemming his own orgasm before, but for coaxing shiro into taking his virginity. yeah, shiro’s been shuffling through memories and the pieces have begun to click. it’d been a matter of days in-between keith’s asking shiro and then keith saying he gave his virginity away to someone else; in that span, there’d been a renewed connection with anonymous and if keith has always been shiro’s anonymous…
holy shit. so he took keith’s virginity, only to agonize over not being keith’s first for weeks, months, to this day. there’s still something of concern here; to know that keith cared so little for his own safety and own comfort, to stick his virgin ass to a door and assure that he can take it is something shiro should be upset about. keith knows better than that. but considering shiro benefitted from that lapse in judgment, well… it’s easy to lose sight of disappointment at present. it only makes him feel warmer, harder, dizzier with desire. ]
Okay, baby. [ voice still rough and heavy. ] I’ll give you everything.
[ everything encompasses a lot more than his hand or this moment. soft sentimentals aren’t for here and now, however, so the thought is lost under the much headier intentions. he loosens his fingers in keith’s hair, though he doesn’t move his hand. he merely keeps it there, the weight adding to the hold down. as for his flesh hand, he slows his rubbing and pauses, only long enough to circle his index around the birthmark on his left cheek. with that, he draws his hand back. and back. and back…
he has a wide, gaping space, hand held open and ready. one, two beats and then he sucks in a breath, holding it through the snap of his arm as he brings his hand back to keith’s ass. the slap of connection rings loud. it startles even shiro, though he makes no indication of it. he could hit harder and maybe he will in time, but for this first spank, he’s testing the waters with just enough force that it’ll sting, but do no actual damage. ]
BY ACCIDENT!! also happy first tag of 2023
keith swallows hard, shoulders and thighs tensing as shiro prods at a particular spot on his ass. he opens his mouth, tempted then to sass a bit with: it's a freckle, it ain't coming off sir. but that hand abruptly pulls away, leaving behind only the shadow of heat before his ass suddenly feels cold.
everything is what shiro said. I'll give you everything and keith doesn't know how to take that right now. should he be expecting something light to ease him into this? something more brutalizing? anon -- shiro -- had ignored it when keith said he could take it -- hard, punishing and all-encompassing to forget all sense of time and space. no, instead, shiro had pushed his way inside gently, with endless patience for each slow inch gained as keith struggled to open up for him.
keith had wondered even back then why anon had refused him and instead took the time to properly ease him into taking his first cock. after all, it's not like keith had specified anything about his virginity. if anything, he'd done his best not to come across virginal because... well, what exactly did his virginity mean here? if it weren't for shiro, the first thing that would have fucked him deep that way would've been a sex robot continuously hitting him with dose after dose of aphrodisiac. there's no value ascribed to something like a first time here, and for all of keith's vague half-formed thoughts about losing it with someone he likes, it's not as though there's anything inherently special about the first time someone slots a dick in his ass. in much the same way that the first time he'd given a guy head in the library wasn't anything romantic or sweet or ... ]
Aah!
[ shiro's open palm cracks on his ass, and keith yelpss, more startled than pained. chest heaving, he gasps noisily through his mouth, head lifting and pushing up against shiro's galra-hand before he relaxes back down, cheek flat against the sheet. the stinging comes a split second after the slap, making both his cock and hole twitch as keith reflexively clenches his ass like that might accomplish something. his breathing goes ragged for several beats before the sting disperses and turns into warmth that pulses with his beating heart.
keith grips the sheets tight between his fingers, groaning something low and filthy as his breathing evens out and steadies. he looks towards shiro again, trying to catch his boyfriend's eye as he flashes him a slow,grin flushed with arousal. ]
I'm not a baby. Do it again.
[ so much for being a good boy who just takes orders, huh. ]
my first tag was wholesome and yours was filth, ic how this year is going to pan out
he’s just so fucking responsive. it’s not a new realization. even with barriers between them, shiro had been able to pick up on anonymous’ responsiveness, from the generous fluttering of his hole for the barest stimuli to the wild abandon of pushing his body closer, harder against the door to meet shiro’s mouth or take more of shiro’s dick.
nonetheless, even though expected, it’s not as though he pictured it just right in his head of how keith would take a slap. the boy’s body shifts with it, absorbing some, but still driving forward to push his hard cock against his thighs. shiro’s cock brushes against him, too, and dammit, it doesn’t nearly undo him, but his metaphoric grip on himself slips. cock warm and heavy, wet and pulsing… shiro tries not to give that desire any more control, but it’s difficult to keep his mind clear and unfogged when keith is pushing up into his metal hand, only to collapse back down, groaning low and throaty into those tightly clasped sheets.
hand still solid to keith’s ass, shiro keeps pressure to where his palm has landed, and then, slowly, gives the boy’s ass a brief rub. dragging his gaze away to look to his ass, shiro gently peels back his hand with a tilt of his wrist that keeps the pinky side of his hand still glued to those cheeks. he’s peeking; only wanting to get a glimpse of pale skin beginning to pink. it’s far too early – or perhaps he hasn’t hit hard enough – but he supposes he can be patient.
i’m not a baby. do it again.
… yes, he can definitely be patient. he makes the mistake of looking to keith’s face, again feeling his control slip at the unfiltered, raw show of arousal found there. he clicks his tongue to feign aloofness and then shifts his gaze away again, hand pressing flat to keith’s ass again. ]
I must’ve misheard. [ and then his hand is moving again, this time lifting completely. not to pull back for another spank; no, not yet. instead, his fingers tease in the split of his cheeks, brushing dry, too dry fingertips against his hole. ] That couldn’t have been you ordering me to do something.
[ he scrapes his fingernail at his rim, huffing a low, amused sound. ]
Correct?
YOU TOLD ME TO???
instinctively, the tension comes shooting back with a sharp intake of breath. keith knows better, but it's been a while since he's been touched there, let alone had his hole played with without lube, so when his rim is gently pulled open, his hole winks and flutters desperately to stay tightly puckered, dick twitching yet again on shiro's thigh.
keith's face likewise scrunches in a tiny grimace, though after a beat his expression clears with a huff of amusement. what exactly is there to be worried about here, anyway? it's not like shiro would really slip fingers inside without lube, right? then again, maybe perhaps keith shouludn't be so sure, considering the array of secret kinks his best friend has. a more rational version of keith would have really considered that more before opening his mouth. in fact, a rational keith might have held back on sass entirely. instead.... his grin turns a little coy. ]
You heard exactly what I said, sir.
i am being slandered per usual
he grins, helpless to the reflex to, and shakes his head in a slow, fondly exasperated way. throughout, his fingers continue to brush, the hook of his index pressing a little more, to test and edge keith closer to the point of too much. ]
I did and I think you’re far too mouthy for someone draped across my lap.
[ shiro isn’t ignorant to keith’s tightness. his pink, winking hole wants to keep clenching closed and keep his prodding fingers out. perhaps it’s keith’s own retaliation. perhaps they will keep escalating this, denying and teasing each other to frustration until the damn of desire breaks and subsequently, one of them with it. shiro intends for keith to be the one pleading, so, he starts with pulling his hand free to grab the lube bottle. ]
I decide when you get your next spank. Right now, you’ll just have to settle for this.
[ a squirt nozzle at the end makes it easy to tip the bottle over and drizzle lube directly. he squirts at the top of his crack, letting the slickness slide down and find its own way to his hole. shiro slicks up his own fingers of his flesh hand and then drops the bottle, nozzle closed. and then he’s touching his slick fingers to that slick hole, the utter excess of wetness briefly reminding him of keith’s purple, self-lubricating ass. he groans, part grateful that keith isn’t privy to where his thoughts have gone. ]
Remember to relax.
[ and let him in, because his fingers are playing once more, the pad of his index pressed flush to the center of that opening. a slight curl and then he’s testing with a push. ]
I SAID SO MANY NICE THINGS ON THAT LOVE MEE.
for better or for worse, the hand pulls away abruptly, and keith is left with the uncertainty of what he's settling for exactly. cold lube splashes on his ass, making him clench and flutter again as the slick rolls down between his cheeks, on his hole and down the back of his balls. keith shivers, again briefly bucking up into the metal hand keeping his head down before settling back down. toes curling and uncurling, he closes his eyes and lets out a deep, even breath.
he knows what's coming before it's announced, but no specifics. is it one finger? two? three? breathing consciously deliberate, keith holds shiro's gaze through the corner of his eye and groans when a finger pushes squarely on his hole, then breaches. ]
Nngh...
[ moan partly stifled, keith's cock twitches in time with the clench and unclench of his hole as keith breathes through the reflex to push the digit back out. ]
Fuck. [ eyes closing, his voice is heady, the words barely maintained above whine register. ] How do you do this to me? You barely put anything inside and I feel hot already.
[ he huffs, groans then relaxing further into a show of obedience, he murmurs while releasing the sheet with one hand to brush his fingers against the cool metal of shiro's wrist. ]
Tell me what to do.... how to be perfect for you.
OKAY TRUE and it touched my lil heart ; ~ ; ty for being so kind
does he finger fuck himself in the shower? does he have himself a toy to sit on when he’s alone in his cube? maybe, maybe not. all shiro knows is that keith’s body tensed up the moment he brushed his hole. patience. whatever ridiculousness they get up to in this verbal sparring of theirs does not, by any means, take precedence over keith’s comfort. so he sinks in slow, drawing enjoyment from the clench of keith’s body and the breathlessness of his voice. shiro said it before, that he could pleasure keith for hours, and that thought still rings true. his own dick might protest to it – it currently is, with it flushing dark and weeping pre at the tip as it throbs there against keith’s side – but shiro would thoroughly enjoy sitting just like this, mapping out keith’s insides with slow moving fingers. inevitably, he’d work up to his mouth and to his dick, to thoroughly claim this ass. for the time being, though, he has to admit that the vantage point is unbelievably good.
he watches his finger disappear and watches his hand butt, only drawing his gaze away from those beautifully split asscheeks when keith touches at metal. the laugh that comes next is soft, an air of chiding to it that is only meant in fondness. ]
Oh, Sweetheart, you’re already exactly as I like.
[ he may play pretend at taking issue at keith’s mouthiness, but he’s thoroughly enjoying himself. easy to when keith is gorgeous and open, so incapable of muting the wants of his body as he involuntarily chases after shiro’s touch or pants for more. he’s lovely to watch and to listen to, and shiro feels absolutely spoiled having keith docile and willing, here in his lap. ]
I couldn’t dream of anyone better.
[ he wriggles his finger around inside, teasing the smoothness of muscle, only to draw out until the tip, to his nailbed, is kept inside. he circles it around, widening the twirl to press against the rim and force the stretch wider. ]
See – feel that? You open so beautifully for me. [ he sinks back in shortly thereafter, testing the give of keith’s body through a few, following thrusts. throughout, he brushes hair back from keith’s face, trailing metal fingers down his neck to rest, now, over the hard knob at the top of his spine. ] It’s so easy being with you.
/wears my good bean badge
[ the name comes easily, little care given for how ragged and breathy his voice has become in a matter of seconds. he's not a stranger to having his hips grabbed to forcibly meet a hard thrust of shiro's cock and hips, but keith's brain keeps short circuiting anyway. taking a single, well lubed finger isn't difficult comparatively, but doing so while looking at shiro's face and bathing in his praise and approval takes keith too a whole different plane of existence, new resonant planes and dimensions opening up before his eyes as that finger tugs a demanding circle at his rim.
how embarrassing would it even be if keith came to the pressure of a finger nudging gently back and forth over his gland while his boyfriend keeps him pressed down at the neck, whispering dirty sweet nothings? keith mewls, shivering as he grips the sheet with both hands once more to edge his hips back and forth to fuck himself on shiro's index. ]
Easy for you, maybe.... [ he puffs out a laugh, only to suck in a sharp breath when shiro hits depth and sends a jolt straight to his cock. ] I want you so much and you keep teasing me, sir. What if I really wanna feel you?
this once, you deserve it
keith’s body takes it well. pleased, shiro rubs the metal of his hand in the space between his shoulderblades and then back up, higher this time, to rest over his neck. he laughs. ]
If. [ he weaves fingers through his hair, still there at his neck, and gives a tug by fisting into his palm. ] Heh. No sense in being coy, Keith. It’s obvious you want to be filled. You’re fucking yourself already.
[ it isn’t good enough though, huh? which does he want more though? more fingers? his tongue? his cock? just thinking about rearranging this boy on his lap and bending him forward so he can slide him down, over his cock has him throbbing harder, to the kind of pleasant pain that makes him want to squirm. stubbornly, he stays still, refusing to concede even an inch. he does, however, coo and sigh, leaning low to hover his mouth close to keith’s ear. ]
Do you have any idea how hot you are right now? [ he groans, fanning hot breath over his ear. ] Damn, Keith – you’re amazing.
[ and then he sits up, eyes once more on the gorgeous display laid out over his lap. he’s still got two fingers pressed inside keith, the motion of his hand meeting every rock of keith’s body… up until this last one. there’s a shift in his voice, the breathy wonderment gone; replaced by a lower, more sultry pitch, voice playfully chastising. ]
But you’re impatient, too. [ he pulls his fingers free. he keeps going though; the whole of his hand pulling back, further and further and… ] Taking things I haven’t given you yet.
[ he brings his hand back in a sharp line. his palm collides with keith’s ass for a loud slap, only pausing for a beat before he pulls his hand away again, lining up but not bringing it down just yet. ]
What have I told you about patience? [ then, he brings it back down, spanking him again. ]
I ALWAYS deserve this badge
but on the next roll back of his hips, the stretch at his rim doubles with the unexpected addition of a second finger and keith moans helplessly as his own momentum forces him to open for it. ]
Fuuuuck…!
[ keith drags out the mewl, partly muffling it into the sheets as shiro rubs between his shoulder blades and then shifts pressure back on to his neck. bad move, evidently, or is it a good one? with keith's head swimming the way it is, he can't say he wholly remembers if he's meant to be bad or good or what precisely earns him punishments and what earns him a reward. all he knows is that there are fingers combing thorugh and yanking at his hair and keith abandons his mouthful of sheet to whine and lift his head to hold whatever position his boyfriend demands.
shiro's hand is moving again, meeting his ass for deeper thrusts and keith's breath becomes nothing but a collection of gasping and pitched noises whenever fingers bully his prostate. but the most damning part of it is having shiro bend low to murmur praise right by his ear. keith keeps his eyes open to look, but the his focus is lost to a vortex of urgency and burning as the rolling jolts zipping from his ass to his cock whittle away what's left of keith's minimal composure. ]
Oh fuck, sir, sir! I'm gonna -- please!
[ the pleading turns to an outright sob of frustration as shiro pulls out, leaving his slicked hole to gape and flutter around the negative imprint of warm fingers. ]
Shiro, please I wanna cum, I need – ahhh!
[ the spank comes down and keith buckles with a loud drawn out groan. the crack reverberates in his ears, then the stinging bursts across his backside. compared to the things keith's endured over the last year or so, this low grade throb is nothing. but it doesn't matter how many times keith tells himself that because he's never endured anything like this while his dick was throbbing, one fucking touch away from unloading two ruined orgasms worth of cum. keith shivers, trying to steady his breath, but there's a second spank that lands exactly where the first one did, and keith isn't able to hold back a long pitiful wail as his body trembles uncontrollably.
it's not just that his ass feels red-hot and tingly under shiro's hand, it's that his entire pelvvis is fucking throbbing, pulsing hard with his heart that's now beating so loudly in his ears that keith swears it's physically in the cube, on their bed, beating and ready to detonate. words fail him completely, reduced to nothing but stuttered stop-starts as his mouth tries to form sounds around growing fangs. unfocused eyes take on a yellow sheen as keith tries to come back into himself through the constant thrum of desperately needing, wanting and not getting any kind of release. ]
Puh…puh… patience yields fucking focus, I know! I know. I just – lemme cum once! Please, sir, I can't – I can't do this! I need to, I need you, please!
what about when you're talking about people being trampled at walmart
momentarily abandoning his placement at keith’s neck, shiro pushes the hair out of keith’s face once more to open up those eyes. those eyes that are not as they have always been, and not just in the sense that they’re glossy and unfocused. the sclera is yellowed. the irises seem smaller? narrower? he blinks and drops his gaze to that panting mouth, seeing pointed tips behind slack lips. it’s a watered down version of what shiro saw almost two months ago but it doesn’t take long for him to find a conclusion and jump right to it. ]
Holy shit.
[ you’re turning galra, though he never finds the voice to actually say it. it’s an alarming thought. a concerning thought, too. they should stop and evaluate what it going on here, because how is that even possible? did keith enroll in another clinical trial? honestly, he doesn’t actually get that far in his thought process. he stalls at turning galra and then swings heavily to his memory bank to dig up one in which he had anonymous on his hands and knees, stroking at his insides as his tail swished and his violet skin flushed a dark purple. ]
Keith. Fuck.
[ it’s so breathy. so weak on his tongue, because he’s simply gone with the pile of questions forming in his head. is he going to sprout a tail next? turn purple? is he going to pop a constellation of prostates and mewl for another half-hour orgasm? ]
Yeah. [ still too weak. he forces strength into his voice. ] Yeah, fuck, you need me so bad. [ desire makes him sloppy; he’s heavy handed in the way he pulls more hair out of his face, making sure it doesn’t fall back into place. desire makes him mouthy, too. ]
Love you begging for it. Love you straining for it. Love you… [ he cuts off for a throaty groan, having moved his hand between keith’s ass cheeks, and there, at the first brush of his still slick, sticky fingers, his focus shifts. ]
You’ve earned this. [ he shoves two fingers in to his bottom knuckles and immediately scissors them apart, brushing deep and brushing hard, trying to map him out a constellation to follow. ] So take it, baby. Fuck my thighs and cum all over me. Do it, do it now.
LISTEN i take no joy in that??? i was merely making cultural observations.
fuck he doesn't know. the uncertainty lights some primal part of his lizard brain on fire, screaming deliriously at a breaking point as shiro tugs sharply at his bangs to clear the hair from his face. keith groans so loudly, no longer fucking caring about shows of restraint or self preservation, blearily staring back at shiro, open mouthed and panting heavily, his one visible eye now a slit iris with a dilated pupil.
frankly, keith isn't even seeing straight. he's coming apart at the seams and fuck, keith has never allowed anyone to see him like this. the entire universe collapses down to just shiro's face, his voice, his touch, the incredible heat coming off his body – everything comes down to the bond he has with this best friend and...
...he's been here before. in another life, there'd been a moment where keith had held on tight to an unconscious shiro's wrist, free falling towards an abyss and nothing else in the universe had mattered.
love you begging for it. love you straining for it. love you...
the noise that escapes keith's lips is one he has no control over. something visceral and animalistic in its yearning, unchained and unrepressed for the first time in months comes tumbling straight out of his throat, his fucking soul, keening and pitched on the verge of shattering into sobs.
love you...
of all things shiro could have said to him, it really had to be that, here and now, when keith doesn't have his guards up or the mental energy to carefully reconstruct the barriers around his feelings, huh? no. instead, shiro holds him down to bask in the taste of something keith had written off as an impossible, futile and stupid thing to chase after.
but of course shiro doesn't stop to let a reeling keith recover. slick, spread fingers push right back into his hole and keith screams as shiro bullies his way up a line of sensitive, drooling glands. hole fluttering uncontrollably, the scream peters off into hitched breaths as keith whines, voice cracking and pitched high. ]
Shiro! Fuck, please – please,, wanna hear it again!
[ desperate and tailspinning, keith arches his back, deepening the curve of his spine. hands clench tight around fresh handfuls of mangled bedsheets, thighs shakily inching further apart as keith sucks in a deep breath and slams his hips down, cock rolling hard over shiro's quads. it's completely mindless, keith seemingly having no awareness whatsoever for the way slick drips profusely from his hole, or for the subtle purpling of his skin where he's flushed hot. his pacing is frenetic, dazed, nothing more than a series of quick hard jerks of his hips to get enough friction on his cock to tip his head back and wail shiro's name as his body thrums, mind ascending as his balls pulse and empties shot after shot of cum. ]
UH HUH. walmart is our place of worship apparently
so yes, shiro is intent on giving keith everything he needs to keep him moving, to keep him mewling. no longer will he be reprimanding keith for casting orders when he lacks the authority for it; they’re on level ground. the hitch comes not due to shiro being resistant, but because he doesn’t follow what it is. he’s said a lot of things in the span of a few ticks, his short term memory held exclusively for keith and not so much for whatever filth comes tumbling out of his own mouth.
wanna hear it again? hear what again? that he’s so hot shiro can’t think straight? that he loves watching him? that keith’s earned rubbing himself off in shiro’s goddamn lap?
keith’s full tilt on that last one, cock pushing and grinding against shiro’s quad, into his quad, like he’s trying to fuck a channel through the muscle. shiro flexes from abs to thighs, because it helps distract him from the throb of his own cock that keeps jostling with the movement of keith’s body. so that’s it, huh? ]
That’s it. Fuck me. Cum, baby, you have to show me. [ he’s cooing to a fever pitch, the movement of his fingers ruthless as he follows keith through every rock, pressing hard at every gland he finds. ] Wanna see it so badly.
[ it doesn’t take long for keith to find the precipice of his pleasure and go tumbling off… but it does take a long time for him to find the bottom. is he going to find it? warmth splatters thick over his thighs, catching in the space between them to glob stickily. shiro moans encouragingly, a pinch painfully, because his own cock is twitching and throbbing and – not quite there. but it’s okay, it’s fine, watching keith shake apart is better than chasing after his own orgasm. so it can wait. he can be patient.
… really patient…? the seconds tick by and they’re up to twenty. his fingers are still embedded deep, fingertips at a gland that he hasn't quite backed off from. he thinks then, of anonymous with his purple skin, tail and hidden gems inside his slick sloppy hole. he’s missing the tail, but he’s got the eyes, the fangs, the constellation and the lavender skin, so shiro has to wonder… does he have the potential to whine into the bedding for another twenty-nine minutes? he presses hard into the gland, greedily drinking in the immediate reaction. he’s dreamed of this. he’s lusted for it again and again, never believing that he’d truly get another chance at it, but keith is full of surprises, isn’t he? is it possible to draw this out of him every time? shiro’s heady with the thought, the cogs in his head sluggish and slow moving with the heavy dousing of lust.
but time is sobering. the minutes pass by and while shiro continues to play, to keep keith toeing at the edge, sometimes crossing over it again, he begins to weaken in his drive. he’s torturing himself. and keith, too. as much as he wants this boy sobbing into the bedsheets, he doesn’t want to ruin him for the night. that’s what he did last time and that isn’t as desirable as he once thought, not when shiro is dying to get his cock inside this boy. keith’s hitting another breaking point and it does it for shiro; he can’t maintain through another hitch and moan of his name. his cock pulses and abruptly, shiro pulls his fingers out to wrap them around himself instead, following keith quickly with a one-two pump of his fist.
he chokes on breath, grating out something garbled and messy as he spills himself into the curve of keith’s lower back. white stands out against lavender and it’s gorgeous, really, how globs of it sink into the twin dimples of his pelvis. coming down, he sucks in lungfuls, doing very little to mask the heaviness of them. blinking down at keith, he watches his face for one, two cycles of breath and then can’t stand the distance any longer. ]
Absolutely stunning. [ he’s bent low again, moving his hand so he can place a surprisingly sweet kiss to his cheek. ] You did so good, sweetheart.
[ and then he shifts his thighs, rubbing them together with a pleased hum. ]
I can feel it – how much you blessed me with. You really needed to cum, huh.
LISTEN. I AM ONLY POINTING OUT POINTS ONF DIFFERENCE.
even so, the familiarity in a context that doesn't involve side effects from unwittingly participating in clinical trials and existing in an outright galra form should be fucking horrifying. keith registers as much from a million miles away, the utter chaos of his hybrid body with all its raging, unpredictable hormones little more than a point of detached absurdity. never mind the fact that slick from his ass makes shiro's fingers squelch with every poke and prod and tease, or that his skin is flushed lavender. it's all .. a beautiful kind of oddity as the fingers inside him bully him through another high that makes keith' sob as more slick pulses out of his cock.
but through all of shiro's ministrations and care, it's hard not to keep coming back to the fact that shiro didn't say those two words again. love you continues to echo in keith's head, the only thing he really manages to attach himself to in all of this free falling entropy. love you. keith squeezes his eyes shut, blinking away moisture. love you. it'd been sweet at first, but the empty void of listening for a mirage makes keith ache.
shiro doesn't notice though.. his boyfriend's fingers keep prodding and bullying and keith's overly sensitive, overheated body responds with another tumbling crash, keith helpless in his open mouthed moaning as his cock spills another dribble of cum. but after that, those fingers are pulled right out, and keith slumps, panting and sweaty as he watches shiro furiously jerk himself off.
heat spurts onto his lower back and keith shivers as it trickles and wells. he ought to say something, but clarity refuses to come to him right away. he sucks in several grounding breaths, desperate to regain some coherency because ... fuck. everything between them just now was so much and keith doesn't want to ruin things by being careless. the electric thrumming of his skin fades bit by bit, and soon enough shiro kisses his cheek., the movement of thighs jostling his soft cock and belly.
perhaps characteristically, keith is ineloquent. he groans like he's been kicked in the stomach, then tries to roll off shiro's lap to lie on his back. chest heaving, it still takes him a few beats before he finally manages a hoarse little whisper. ]
... yeah.
[ he blinks, then rubs at his eye. the yellow fades first, but his irises are still slitted, tiny fangs still present. likewise, the lavender sheen slowly settles back to a normal pale peach tone. keith stares dumbly at his hands like it's the first time he's seeing them at all. ]
I've never turned purple before. Not like this. [ frowning, keith coughs and clears his throat though the improvement to the hoarseness is minimal. ] I- .... I don't get it, Shiro. I just ...
[ he swivels his head, to look up at his boyfriend, cutting himself off mid-babbling. ]
... You don't...think it's weird?
[ is he someone still worth loving, even if it's not worth repeating? ]
i want you to know, that every time i go to walmart now, i think of this "cultural difference"
he’s cute. he’s always been cute. and shiro’s spent so long trying to ignore that fact. not anymore, though. now they’re boyfriends and shiro can tell keith just how cute, pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, stunning he is. and perhaps he should do it much more often, because keith’s words take another direction and with them, shiro’s heated playfulness goes silent. seems they’re skipping over the pillowtalk and heading straight for a minefield. the thought isn’t unkind; it’s simple awareness. this is an echo of a conversation they’ve had before, when keith was deep purple with extra appendenses. shiro isn’t foolish enough to believe that would be the end of it. keith’s heritage is going to be a point of concern for many conversations to come, to which shiro doesn’t mind. he only wishes he were more efficient in bettering keith’s self-image.
so of course he isn’t going to agree to that. weird. in truth, yes, it’s weird because it’s different and it’s unexpected, but any explanation coming after an agreement would, he predicts, fall on deaf ears. instead, he gently corrects with a: ]
Unique. [ that’s the word keith is looking for here. taking one of keith’s hands in his then, shiro offers a patient smile. ] I think it’s unique.
[ which is not untrue. keith is unique. he’s a rarity in the universe and not simply due to his set of genes. ]
I’ll admit… I was a little concerned there for a tick. [ he concedes purely to give everything else he says more weight. ] But there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re exactly as you’re meant to be. [ his face softens, gaze utterly warm as he brushes bangs aside with his free hand. ] And I’m a big, big fan of who you are, Keith.
sfdhjskl does that count as enhancement...
but otherwise? his attention is solely on his boyfriend's sweet faced smile, heart fluttering rapidly in his chest as shiro takes his hand. keith grins slow and dazed, spreading his fingers wide to intertwine them with shiro's, the movement purposeful and slow to admire how much larger his boyfriend's hands are than his own. sturdy and strong – that's how shiro's always been in his eyes, and keith purrs loudly, happily, dragging their joined hands down over his beating heart.
Unique> not weird. big fan not love. intentional or not, shiro's doing quite a bit of word substitution today, huh? keith closes his eyes and laughs, giving shiro's hand a squeeze as he contents himself with if nothing else, he's accepted exactly as is. ]
You're the best, Shiro. And I think that's putting it mildly.
[ another squeeze, then keith puffs a hard exhale and sits up and crowd into shiro's space, hands on either side of his hips. wholly relaxed now, keith's eyes have returned to their regular shape and coloring as he holds eye contact. ]
Being with you is amazing. I feel so ... whole with you, you know?
[ certainly, he can't imagine ever allowing anyone to tease and provoke him the way shiro had to the limit of his endurance. even more so now, knowing that how his body reacts. knowing nothing else about his hybrid physiology, keith is sure he'll never come close to trusting anyone with exploring it the way he does shiro.
though that in itself is a cause for concern, isn't it?
he isn't meant to be getting attached. not like this. not when they have different realities to return when sentences are complete. not when they don't have a future together. pinching his lower lip between pointed fangs, keith drops eye contact and subtly shifts back. not wanting to spoil the mood entirely, keith tacks on a bit coyly: ]
Even though you didn't.. [ ah what's the word shiro used? ] bless me inside.
... i suppose i must now add walmart to the list
yes. yes he does know. shiro came into this with experience and has acquired quite a bit more since, so he supposes that gives him some authority on discerning what good sex feels like. this is good sex. even as he thinks it though, he decides that falls so insultingly short of what this actually is. this is much more than mashing bodyparts together and letting hormones run wild. this isn’t about getting off as quickly as possible or using the other person to find a mutual high that’s both intense and fleeting. if anything, this feels a lot closer to something he used to have, with profound trust and affection, the other person’s pleasure just as, if not more important than his own.
he’s had that with keith for years now: trust and affection. so shiro has to wonder, when did things shift and broaden beyond friendship? here, in prison, of course that’s the answer, but the potential has been there, all the way back in his own reality, simply waiting for him to notice. so could he have this there, too? is it already there, just hidden due to his absentminded awareness for it? does he even want it there? because his keith isn’t this keith and… god, he’s not even sure that’s true anymore. this keith is his keith, now. he wants this keith, he adores this keith, which carries both a sense of elation and betrayal in one.
so guess he is thinking about it. briefly. faintly. it’s inner turmoil to wrestle with later, when he doesn’t have keith sounding coy right in front of him. slowly, shiro’s lips curl further, making the whole of his expression honey-sweet, whole body warmed with the affection that thrums through it, seemingly growing stronger with every beat-beat in his chest. ]
Not yet… [ he gets a hand to keith’s face, because he can’t not touch him. thumb swipes at his cheekbone, palm laid across the burn of his cheek. ] But that’s what we’re doing next… after a short intermission of recuperation, of course.
[ for both of them…? it’s been difficult to tell through the door and even the few times they tried a bed together – not counting the exceptional coupling of his galra form – but shiro suspects that keith has a much quicker turnaround than he himself possesses. youth, has been his explanation, as well as a smug congratulatory that he’s just that good that anonymous couldn’t help being so massively turned on. he supposes he’ll find out soon enough. ]
So what would you like me to do with my mouth in the meantime? [ he drops his hand slightly, now pressing his thumb to one of those fangs once more returning to his lip. he tests the point and coaxes it loose. ]
Tell you all about how wonderful you are? Or would you like me to kiss you all over… [ he leans in for a kiss, pressure soft over that pinched bottom lip. his other hand sweeps around keith in the pause, brushing featherlight at the split of his cheeks. ] … maybe even down here, too.
lol the list of enhanced words is incredible
of course, shiro's tasted him there before. it'd made keith anxious then, too, because surely ass can't taste great? in the end, keith's only gotten some indirect confirmation that it must not be awful if anon/shiro keeps doing it, which in turn became some sick, toe-curling guilty pleasure over getting fucked open in that way.
but there's a new unknown variable at play here now. the clear, musky slick dripping from his ass is something keith still can't wrap his mind around. shiro accepts it, accepts him, but truthfully it's a little mortifying. clenching subconsciously, keith holds eye contact for a long moment, searching shiro's face for that extra bit of reassurance before finally swallowing and speaking up. ]
I want... I want you to listen to me for just a bit.
[ a little more than listen. giving little regard for the sticky mess that's s coating shiro's thighs, keith climbs into his lap and cups his cheeks with both hands. ]
All that just now... it's because I trust you.
[ that's not news. keith's trusted shiro with his life for a long time now. the trust with his body is new – newer, rather, because it turns out with shiro being anon, that trust has been there for longer than keith himself knew. trying to unpack every implication from the library up til their last tryst in the poolside house is going to take time, but it doesn't change anything about the conclusion. keith arches up, leaning heavy chest to chest to encourage shiro to lie back on the mattress. ]
I trust you and I... [ love you? keith's expression fractures, briefly mangling his lower lip as he presses his forehead to shiro's. ... I guess, I just need you to know that this is special for me.
[ special. fuck what an understatement. heart beat-beating faster, keith splits his thighs to properly straddle shiro's hips and presses a sweet kiss to his lips. ]
So... just. Remember that, okay?
just everything about the main list is perfection
shiro’s still very much determined to break keith of that. pleasure is good. pleasure is great. it’s okay to enjoy pleasure in whatever way it’s given, even if keith’s level of participation boils down to spreading his legs. shiro wants to pamper him with pleasure, so really, he’s being a generous lover by allowing shiro all the means to to do just that.
almost all the means. seems keith is determined to deny shiro access to his ass. still a touch high from his orgasm, which makes everything floatier and warm and light, shiro would pout in a ridiculously playful manner if keith wasn’t crawling into his lap a second later. and cupping his face two seconds later. and nudging him backwards at three seconds later…
with his legs still off the edge of the bed, shiro engages his abdominals and slowly reclines, arms looping around keith to hold him through the movement. even as his back settles into the bedding, shiro keeps his arms around his boy. throughout, he watches keith’s face, to his eyes to his lips forming these words that give shiro the slightest sense of anxiety. it sounds like a set-up. i trust you but. there has to be a but, right? because everything he’s saying is… obvious. a given? perhaps that’s egotistical or overconfident or whatever of shiro to think as much, but shiro’s worked hard for that trust. he knows he has it.
just as keith has his. he knows that, doesn’t he? he should.
however, no but comes. keith has their foreheads pressed together and ends his words with a question. he blinks through a beat of surprise and then, abruptly, finds relief laced with humor. no big reveal, no grand twist… just the obvious stated by a sweet boy. ]
Okay.
[ he snags himself a second kiss, smiling through it. special, he calls it. even that is a given. they’re doing this because they want to, not necessarily to mark off sentences. they should though, huh. they could have their sheets done in a matter of days if they reviewed them together and made a plan. that’s the obvious solution to getting out of here… but shiro has yet to bring it up. why is that? ]
This is special for me, too. [ that’s why. it isn’t productive to become attached in this environment, but he’s gone and done that anyway. he ignores that inner, judgmental voice, instead focusing on keith. the walls are currently down, so the honesty comes easier and quicker, shiro not falling into his usual trap of self-editing. ] I fought this for a long time because I thought… well, because you are special and I wanted to protect what we had. But being with you… everything seems better when we’re together, like the universe finally makes sense.
no subject
considering shiro is anon, maybe it's not surprising that guilt and longing are still there as keith comes down from an afterglow. his hands never leave his boyfriend's face, eyes locked on shiro's grey ones as keith smiles, soft and warm, through the ache behind his sternum,
nice doesn't cut it as a descriptor, nor does good, really. it's such an unbelievable relief to hear that shiro considers this special, too. that even though shiro may be fucking other guys on the side that what they have together is different and meaningful, even if it's not exclusive.
but putting aside the messed up nature of being boyfriends in a place like this, keith might just fucking drown in the violent upswell of feeling that he's not supposed to be having. shiro's always been the brightest star in his universe, his anchor and guide through every battle he's fought as we;; as the reminder to never give up. on himself, on his dreams, on the universe. the moment keith had finally helped free shiro from within the prison of black's consciousness had been one of the happiest moments of his life.
and yet... keith had forgotten the cardinal rule of each of shiro's disappearances. his best friend comes back different each time, with more and more fragments chipped out of his soul. looking down down at this shiro now who looks back up at him with such adoration hurts -- painfully, irrationally and soothes all at once, like the fraying threads of their lives are being sewn back together.
this isn't how sex in the aftermath or intermission or whatever is supposed to feel.
keith mamages a sad laugh, quickly closing his eyes to press their lips back together for several long beats of chaste kissing that grows more demanding and dirty with parted lips and tongue. breathing ragged all over again, keith breaks away just enough to murmur against shiro's lips: ]
Shiro, I don't want to leave this place without you.
[ it's the fucking antithesis of what they're meant to be doing. they're meant to be checking things off, getting back to voltron. back to their own realities. the needs of the universe have always come before keith's own, but even thinking about returning to a reality where him and shiro don't still have this turns his soul to ice. ]
I know that's not the point. I just ... I want to be with you always.
no subject
and so, things have gotten complicated in these past months.
he’s entangled himself with his best friend, going so far as to become his boyfriend, whatever that means in a place like this. even then, he’s tried not to analyze that decision too deeply, because he knows the moment he does, he’ll find it increasingly difficult to justify what it is that they’re doing. there is no future here. even if they weren’t the paladins of voltron and held responsible for the safety of their universe, they can’t stay in a place that compromises their autonomy each and every day. this is a doomed relationship.
they’re merely… what? enjoying each other until they go home? it sounds bad when put like that, but it’s the truth nonetheless. again, the thought that they ought to be focusing on their sheets together threatens to settle firmly in his head and derail him in the moment, but just as before, he brushes it to the back of his mind. it’s going to be more difficult after this. the last month has been about growing together and ensuring that tonight would be beneficial, rather than detrimental to their relationship. now, they’re in the process of achieving that, so what next will shiro focus on? what’s the next goal? the original one of finishing the sheet quickly?
god, he wasn’t supposed to become attached like this. neither was keith. but now keith’s talking about not wanting to leave without him, that he wants to be with him always. and frankly? it makes shiro swell and warm, absolutely delighted by the confirmation of keith’s feelings… but then he does exactly what he tries not to do: he overthinks it. there’s no possible way in which that can work and if they start hoping for some way… if they get sidetracked trying to make a way…
he thinks of his keith in his own timeline. he’s different from this one. they aren’t the same in action, nor in feeling… but perhaps the potential for something is there. that’s the only comfort he can find in all of this, though even that feels shallow and oddly unwanted. is that how keith feels about the shiro in his timeline? ]
You will be. [ he smiles a weak, brittle thing, eyes not at all matching the curve as they take on an apologetic shine. ] You have your Shiro waiting for you.
no subject
his shiro. right. the one keith has barely talked to since his extracted from the black lion. in shiro's defense, there hasn't been much time or privacy since they lost the castle of lions, but still. there's so much between them that has gone unspoken over the course of the war that it's almost easier not to ta;k in some regards. what would shiro even say if keith were to tell him he's sorry that he didn't pick up on the clone situation sooner? that he's sorry he wasn't there when shiro was trapped in the black lion desperately struggling to reach out to the other paladins for help?
you couldn't have known. let's focus on the war.
a plethora of empty, dismissive pragmatism sound off leaving keith with nothing further to say. the thing is...? maybe he deserves that for having failed his shiro so miserably. and perhapsthe truth of the matter is that he's failing this shiro as well, by being a distraction. by failing to be transparent about the decline of their friendship in his reality. by making him second guess their proimary objective which has always been going back home to finish the war.
what the fuck does keith wanting to stay with him have to do with anything?
feeling increasingly stupid, keith bites the inside of his lip and hides his face in the hollow of shiro's throat. keith allows himself that safe respite for several beats before finally pulling himself together to face the fact that this shiro doesn't consider himself his shiro without fracturing.
with a deep breath, keith sits up enough to, eyes on collarbone rather than on his boyfriend's face and says as evenly as possible: ]
... do you miss your Keith?
no subject
it’s not keith’s fault, he reminds himself. shiro said too much, too, and encouraged the boy into the kind of honesty that their situation doesn’t allow for. even so, it’s easy to give into the general frustration: at prison sentences, at himself for becoming compromised, at keith for saying out loud the things he wants, that they both want but aren’t allowed to say…
and for cornering him with that.
caught off guard, he visibly hesitates, eyes blinking wider and hands squeezing, briefly, at keith’s hips. the answer is easy: yes. yes, of course, he misses the keith from his reality. that keith is the brat kid who stole his jeep, broke his records, and kept him perpetually on his toes. he’s also the boy turned man who became shiro’s steady support through the most confusing times of his life. the incidents in which he’s compared notes with the keith before him, their pasts have aligned, so in that sense, this keith could be that very same boy. but he’s not just that boy. whereas shiro has watched ( most ) of his keith’s growth, this keith has gone beyond that. he’s calmer than his keith. more mature and more together; the confidence isn’t forever strong, but this keith has a presence to him that his keith hasn’t grown into yet.
they’re similar in so many ways, yet vastly unique in others. understanding this, shiro appreciates them both for different reasons… but he continues to hesitate, unable to let go of the suspicion that keith is in the midst of pulling away. that shiro is one wrong answer away from having keith call it for the night. why wouldn’t he think that? keith can’t even look him in the eyes. ]
This feels like a trap.
no subject
I didn't mean for it to be.
[ soft and quiet, keith falls silent for several beats afterwards. perhaps shiro is right to call it that? after all, what exactly does asking that accomplish? expression faltering with the beginnings of a scowl, keith gives shiro's shoulders a squeeze before rolling off to the side to lie flat on his back once again. ]
don't know where I was going with that. [ eyes on the ceiling, keith allows himself a deep sigh before turning to give shiro a wan, half smile that doesn't reach his eyes. ]
You wanted to play with my ass, yeah? Should I get back on my knees or...?
no subject
he does leave though, just as shiro feared he would. not far, at least; he’s right there beside him, well within reach… and yet, the distance feels exponentially larger than the scant inches. feeling uncertain, awkward, and most of all, disappointed, shiro doesn’t twist onto his side. he stays on his back and listens to keith sigh, staring up at the ceiling as he tries to find equilibrium again. remarkably, keith is recovering faster than him. keith is the one making the valiant effort to push through and change the focus. for his part, shiro continues to disappoint, because he’s lagging and fretting, fixated on the pitch of keith’s voice and the phrasing of his words.
the confidence is gone. the excitement is gone. all that’s left is some meager attempt to distract them from the now very obvious elephant in the room. shiro appreciates the effort, truly, but will he take keith up on it? slowly, he turns his head to the side, looking at keith and matching him, almost exactly, in the voided smile that doesn’t go any further than his lips. ]
You don’t sound enthused by the prospect. You don't have to do anything on my account.
[ and maybe that’s shiro’s cue to coax keith into being excited, but it’s difficult to see past the emptiness of that smile. ]
no subject
even more so now, when his best friend and boyfriend turns to look at him with an equally dysphoric smile. perhaps that's entirely fitting. whats there to be happy about when considering the expiry date of their relationship? keith allows himself to sit in that thought for several beats as he quietly reaches to take shiro's hand in his.
thing is though, shiro's fingers are slick from their combined cum, and the knowledge makes determination flare where where melanchoyy had frozen over. ot was only moments ago that they were finally fucking each other, stripped of all pretense and stripped down to the soul. prison has taken a lot from them -- freedom, bodily autonomy, dignity. but a dwindling hope for the future isn't something keith wants to add to that fucking list of things prison has wrung out of him.
grip tightening hard on shiro's fingers, keith lets out a heavy exhale before rolling closer to catch shiro's lips in a biting kiss. ]
Shut up.
[ hardly the most appropriate response, but keith couldn't care less about the fucking script. ]
I'm not humoring you. I want you. And this place is the the only place I get to have you.
[ he pulls away to sit up. ]
I'm nervous. I don't know what this stuff m ybody makes even is or what it tastes like. I don't want you to be disgusted by it if it tastes bad. But you're gonna taste it anyway.
[ a beat. ]
Just a question of whether you get me on my knees or if I go over there and sit on your face.
no subject
keith’s strong. every obstacle that’s been forced in his path has only made him stronger and although, the softer parts of shiro’s soul wish keith didn’t have those experiences, they are absolutely necessary to have made keith into the person he is. and shiro loves the person keith has become, both in his reality and in this one.
even so, even with all of that said, he’s thrown by the pushback. fingers tingling from the hard squeeze and lips tingling, too, as they part open in the aftermath of that hard kiss, shiro blinks shocked. he does exactly what he’s told to do though: he shuts up and remains shut up. actually, he snaps his lips closed. now he remains shut up. watching keith move with plain fascination, shiro is comically – and embarrassingly – awed in the way he looks at keith, absolutely spun on how keith simply decides to take control and rework the path they’re set on.
it shouldn’t be so easy. the ill-felt feelings of not even a minute ago should not dissipate into nothing, not when the issue is on-going and inescapable, but here shiro is nonetheless, feeling heat and amusement and – fuck, desire flow through him, filling in all the gaps that left him cold moments ago. keith’s kind of hot when he’s bossy. the thought comes to him and, helpless to it, shiro laughs, bringing his hands up to push through his own hair, forcing his floof back. ]
Damn, Keith, you’ve been holding back.
[ there’s nothing stilted about his smile this time. genuine and amused, it brightens his face as he wets his lips with his tongue and then playfully smacks them together. ]
Come here. [ keith is gorgeous on his knees, with his back arched and his ass presented high. shiro would like to see it in full sometime, of keith’s face pressed into the bedding, framed by clutching fists. tempting, so very tempting, but – ] Sit on my face. I want you to smother me.
no subject
perhaps that's paradoxical. it wasn't that long ago that keith was wholly uncertain about letting shiro go anywhere near his ass with his mouth, but with everything between them being measured out in finite doses until some inevitable, bitter end, a possessive greed flares bright and hot in keith's arteries. ill-advised as that may be, keith can't say he cares. not now. perhaps only later when they're realities apart and he's staring down a white-haired shiro who doesn't want him, but that's a problem to be tackled in the future.
in the present, this shiro who refuses to be his shiro, is grinning at him. encouraging him. and keith grins right back, closing the distance between them to straddle him at the shoulders.
sit on my face had been the instruction, but keith takes a quick detour by grabbing his soft cock and letting it flop on shiro's lips. ]
Kiss me here first.
[ again, it should be strange to be issuing that kind of demand. not too long ago, it'd been simpler to allow shiro to do as he pleased while murmuring his assent and desire for all the attention. but with the tables turned and with keith now on top, he's finding he likes this too. being pushy, demanding and setting the tone to dropkick the melancholy far far away. ]
Make me hard.
no subject
let it not be said that shiro is a stubborn, unwilling man. he can be quite amenable to compromise and here, with the alternative being just as agreeable as the original, shiro is all too willing to put his mouth to good use. seems fair, anyway, since shiro promised keith this some time ago. shiro could even say he’s impressed by the turnabout. it isn’t too often that he’s bested and this feels like that, like a tiny power struggle that now has keith leading them through. he finds that he likes it: submitting to him, if only slightly and temporarily. ]
Okay.
[ the commentary is entirely unneeded. playful, though, in how his lips move underneath keith’s softened cock. puckering them shortly thereafter, shiro kisses just as requested. ordered, more like. editing the progression of his own thoughts makes him laugh, puffing little bits of breath against the cock still just lying across his mouth. it should be in his mouth, he decides, and with that, he opens and coaxes it in with a laving of his tongue. lips enclose next and then he’s suckling with gentle pressure, eyes still open and watching keith the whole time.
they’ve done this before. the very first time shiro sucked this cock, actually. from velvet soft to hard, angled ridges, shiro remembers how disorientating it had been to map out that cock as it not only hardened but changed inside his mouth. looking back, now that he knows the identity, it’s a funny, rather fond story, not that shiro will be repeating that here. he knows what to expect now and so, he lacks all inhibition as he draws the suckles longer and deeper, tongue sliding along the underside.
the only hitch is that it doesn’t last. he reaches with his left hand and opens his mouth, fingers encircling to lift the cock free. not far. laughing a delighted sound, shiro kisses the head and then coos: ]
I like it when you’re bossy. [ his tongue comes into play again, sliding around the tip and down, to where his fingers are holding. back up, he pulls his tongue back inside and presses another kiss to keith’s cock. as always, he’s watching keith, gaze alight with amusement. ] Kinda hot.
no subject
instinctively, he knows he's not meant to go lax at the gentle brush of shiro's moving lips on his still sensitive cock. and he's almost certainly not meant to whimper pitifully when shiro parts his lips and the cockhead dips inside the wet heat of his boy's mouth. keith knows all this, and fails completely to execute on projecting an air of sexy and in control. breath hitching, his hands cage around shiro's head, fingers gripping large ears as his cock twitches with hopeless interest throguh the steady sucking and mouthing. ]
Fuck.....
[ whined softly as keith's eyes flutter shut, his grip tightens, flattening and tugging on shiro's ears. as quickly as it starts however, shiro maneuvers keith's cock out of his mouth, leaving him feeling a wildly confusing mix of overheated and freezing where saliva cools on his dick. keith opens his eyes, looking down at shiro with a partly vacant expression.
i like when you're bossy.
fuck. almost dumbly, keith starts to reply with an i like it too, but catches the words on the tip of his tongue. swallowing hard, keith gathers himself with a few puffs of deep breath then lets go of shiro's head to lift up onto his knees. ]
I'm gonna fuck your mouth until my cock gets hard enough to fuck your throat. And you're gonna finger my ass as you take it. Then if you're good, I'll turn for you.
[ orders in this capacity feel strange. even hearing the heated desire thick in his voice feels wrong somehow, but something about it feels right, too. hell, merely giving voice to this makes his cock throb in anticipation.
shifting up onto his hands and knees, keith spreads his legs wider, hands clutching the sheets just above shiro's head, positioning so that his cock head hovers above shiro's lips. the pose is lewd as hell, but perhaps that's part of the messed up joy in this. ]
Got that?
[ giving himself a quick pump, keith looks down the line of his body and feeds the tip into shiro's waiting mouth. ]
i said AM porn, so here it is: AM porn
and be wrecked, too, it seems. keith isn’t mincing words; he truly intends to fuck his throat, doesn’t he? has to, because the boy’s moving and splitting his thighs further, granting himself the kind of leverage that will work into strong rolls of those hips. challenges are what shiro is made for, but fuck, he has the smallest kernel of uncertainty on how this is going to go. for all his experience, he’s never actually been in this position, waiting to have his face fucked. even then, if he were familiar with the angle, would that truly prepare him? keith’s cock isn’t exactly easy to take.
said cock is now hanging before him, the lean of keith’s body blocking out the lights in the cube and casting shiro in shadow. it makes him more aware of the heat in his face and the flush climbing down his throat to his collarbones. fuck, for whatever reservations he may have, his mouth is wet. filled. he’s salivating like a starving man, so of course the moment that brush comes, shiro’s lips part open, not only to welcome him in with a loll of his tongue, but to breathe words against, around him. ]
Yeah. [ he’s got it. just thinking of keith’s orders again has him shivering. ] I’ll earn your ass.
[ no more talking. that’s the last of it. reaching up with both hands, shiro grabs keith, first, by the hips to coax him into a deeper split. the ease of keith’s flexibility does things to shiro; he’s so malleable, a fact that shiro hasn’t been able to take advantage of in their many, many rendezvouses. he’ll be fixing that, he thinks. for now, however, he suckles at the cute, softened thing in his mouth, trying to draw out those ridges.
he doesn’t intend to lead keith. after that first pull, he relaxes his hands and skirts them behind to cup each cheek of keith’s perky ass. a squeeze to settle the clench in shiro’s belly that makes him want to squirm and then he’s curling the fingers of his left to the seam of his ass. it’s such a mess back there. should be messier, he thinks. will be messier. remnants of lube and keith’s uniqueness keep him slick. he’s loose, too. already having played here minutes ago, shiro foregoes the slow ease and simply pushes his index inside until his base knuckle bumps. it’s tempting to go rooting around for glands to mercilessly harass, but shiro keeps it simple: when keith fucks into his mouth, he drags his finger out, only to meet him on the back-roll. together, they’re fucking each other in turn.
as for his mouth? shiro closes his eyes and focuses on staying relaxed. pliant, he keeps his head steady and forward, chin slightly pointed up to open his throat and keep his airway. it’s not so difficult at first, when keith is smaller and softer, but moments drag by and he feels the change happen against his tongue. the spread of his lips grows wider and the opening of his throat is teased further. breathing harshly through his nose, he continues to tell himself to relax, to take it – and he does. he hasn’t choked yet, even with the excess of saliva that’s pooling in his mouth and making a mess of his lips every time keith draws out.
daringly, he gives into a moan and lifts his galra hand, being careful not to hit too hard when he gives keith's ass cheek a quick smack. come on, fuck him. ]
i can't believe you are now back in AM porn land
shiro's mouth is wet and hot around his stiffening cock, his finger fucks him deep on the pullout -- everything is seemingly effortless and perfect on shiro's part and keith is rapidly melting away like a burning candle. unable to take his eyes off the close eyed focus on shiro's face, keith murmurs soft nothings and curses under his breath as his cock twitches firm over the course of a few shallow thrusts. the minute twitch of his hips become even gentler as keith takes in the added stretch of shiro's lips around newly formed ridges as they graze back and forth. lust drunk on the obscenity, pre beads readily at his cockhead. seized by something wildly possessive, keith bumps the back of shiro's throat, wanting to smear his pre there for his boy to swallow down. ]
Look at you....
[ boice husky and slurred, keith draws back enough to take the pressure off of shiro's throat, not wanting to breach it. not yet anyway. all this time that anon had sucked on his dick, he had thought it was good, but now getting to watch the strain of shiro's face as he struggles to accept his mouthful, keith finally understands the enormity of what he's been missing out on. he's never consciously thought of himself as a masochist before but with his cock lodged in shiro's waiting mouth and his hole stuffed and slick, keith has to wonder why exactly he'd denied himself this for so long.
and why he's apparently still hesitating to do exactly as he said he would.
evidently shiro loses patience with him because while keith muses in a thick fog of desire , shiro raises his metal hand and brings it down on his asscheek with a resounding slap. ]
Ah!
[ equal parts surprised and pained, keith flinches forward only to moan incoherently when the reflex drives his cock deeper into shiro's tight throat. his whole body erupts into gooseflesh, shivering as his cock and ass throb and pulse, hole squeezing tight around shiro's finger as a fresh wave of hot slick starts to trickle.
panting hard and quickly losing sight of anything other than chasing his own pleasure, keith twists his fingers around shiro's forelock, while planting his other hand firmly onto the bed as he starts fucking in and out of shiro's mouth and throat in earnest. ]
Fuck, you're so hot and tight, Shiro,I -- [ words cutting off into a pitched moan, keith squeezes his eyes shut as he pushes in deep, ridges swallowed up and squeezed in the narrow channel of smooth muscle. is this how shiro feels when his cock pushes inside him? overheated, fluttery, dizzy, unraveling, and so unbearably ready to burst into thousands of stars? throwing his head back, keith manages to choke out a pinched ]
Gonna cum, gonna take it all, Shiro!
[ unable to hold anything back, keith screams that name as he pops his cockhead in and out of shiro's throat one final time. he'd ruined this for himself the first time, fingers urgently strangling the base of his cock to keep from bursting with cum out of some instinct to make things last longer. but the rules are different now, and keith's head is full of buzzing and heady panting as his cock jerks and spills while lodged deep once, twice, then his body goes weak and keith slips out to impale himself on that finger, ascending to some blissful other plane with shimmering stars dancing around a midnight sky.
eyes glazed over and unfocused, keith holds shiro's face throughout as his cock softens and slips out of his mouth. unable to speak, and barely able to breathe, keith folds low to bump their lips together. ]
Wow.... you must really want my ass, huh....
[ still clearly dazed, keith parts his lips to lazily chase after his own taste in shiro's mouth. sloppy and boneless, he pulls away moments later to turn and starfish on top of shiro, caging his head between spread thighs. ]
Take it. Do whatever you want. Make me yours.
i hate this tag, i want you to know
shiro rides that edge, overwhelmed and near choking, for a few more thrusts. he’s part drowning in his own spit, but his saving grace is that keith is more overwhelmed than he is. keith calls his name and shiro blearily opens his eyes. the angle does him no favors; he doesn’t get to see the peak wreck keith’s face in the most lovely, addictive of ways. opening his eyes does, however, make him suddenly more aware of how full his mouth and throat are. he chokes on that last one, throat closing around keith’s cockhead and making that last drag all the more tighter. he coughs on a mouthful and then keith is shoving right through that constriction, shooting a load straight down his quivering throat.
shiro thrashes, squirming across the sheets as he tries to survive the magnitude of keith’s orgasm. he does, of course, but only because he stops breathing altogether to gulp and gobble, throat already feeling raw as he swallows whatever is given to him. it feels like an eternity in the moment, but once it’s over, with keith sitting back on his finger and slipping from his mouth, shiro laments how quickly it's ended.
he’s mollified by keith taking his mouth in another way, kissing him deep and filthy, the two of them fighting over keith’s taste. shiro doesn’t have much fight in him, honestly. he’s sluggish in the touch of his tongue, his swallows slower and disjointed as he works on refilling his lungs to normalcy. even that ends too quickly. soon enough, keith is turned away and blanketing his body, telling shiro that he has, more or less, earned his ass.
one, two, three – shiro laughs, the sound so thin and so worn that it comes across more as a heavy huff. technically, didn’t keith say he was going to fuck shiro’s mouth and take his finger until he was hard? somehow, that turned into another orgasm. from a boy who cut off his own orgasm to one eagerly allowing shiro to give him many, keith is turning into quite the greedy boy. to be fair, shiro did say he was going to wring multitudes of orgasms out of him. he wonders how many he actually will by the end of the night.
eager to find out, shiro hums and lifts vaguely shaking hands to frame keith’s ass. ]
You say it as though you aren’t already mine.
[ even though it takes effort to say it, the sentiment itself is effortless. it comes easy and freely, shiro speaking without thought. it’s only after that he thinks, oh, that’s a tease that crosses a line that shiro has decided to draw. they aren’t meant to be each other’s. they have their own realities and their own responsibilities; there are genuine feelings here, he can’t hope to deny that any longer, but they have no room for lasting attachments. so, hoping to cut off any retort, he squeezes keith’s ass cheeks and pulls them apart, putting keith on full display.
he’s supposed to have an aversion to this. ass-eating in itself is, by most people’s standards, a nasty activity. not to shiro, though. shiro clears that opinion without a second thought. it’s the unusualness of keith’s biology that should have him reconsidering. this boy is drenched in fluid. his hole is drizzling, a string of slick connected between his ass cheeks, stretching, stretching until it loses viscosity and breaks. it’s there at his inner thighs too, so much of the excess dripping down to make him sticky. who the hell knows what that even tastes like; shiro certainly doesn’t. but instead of easing into it with a tentative drag of his finger to pop a small amount in his mouth, shiro keeps his hands grasping and lifts his head.
see, there’s an addictive quality to it already and shiro hasn’t even tasted him. it’s there in the inner lining of keith’s hole. rings; there are rings of pink and purple, mesmerizing in their pattern. so yes, shiro’s curiosity blooms and soon, he puts his mouth to keith’s hole, the push of his tongue made easy by the looseness of keith’s rim. and how is that curiosity rewarded? with sweetness. the taste that touches his tongue is sweet; a little earthy, a little floral, a little minerally, there’s a richness to it that is satiating on his palate. he quickly decides that he likes the heaviness of the flavor. so, he greedily licks around and inside keith’s hole, swallowing what he can before pressing his lips flush, creating a seal for him to suck deep and to suck hard. ]
i cringed the whole time typing a response
whatever cluster of neurons hasn't been thoroughly blitzed by post-climax bliss are busy processing that heavy tease. it wasn't all that long ago that shiro brushed off any concept of a real future together with a cold reminder of the shiro from his reality. for whatever it's worth, they're boyfriends in this shitty prison facility, but the label means precious little outside of that.
yours. mine. already mine.
yeah, there's a lot of truth to that-- boyfriends and all. they've promised each other that intimacy beyond what's created by a physical, mechanical mashing together of genitals inhabits a universe that only for the two of them. what else os that, if not yours?
chest full of sudden heartache, keith forgets to be nervous about the prospect of shiro actually tasting the slick coming out of his body. fingers pull his hole open, muscle fluttering at the gape and only then does keith remember the fucking mystery that might end in shiro recoiling in disgust. not that he gets any time to act on it beyond a slurred: ]
Mm, waii -- oh.....
[ an electric jolt makes keith spasm, toes curling and fingers tight around shiro's hips. hole fluttering around the heat of shiro's tongue, keith swallows and makes a second attempt to speak. ]
Oh fuck...
[ eloquence all but dies as shiro presse his lips firmly on his ass and sucks. whining high, keit's soft cock twitches as, as shiro's mouth coaxes out a fresh stream of slick. keith groans, body tensing and relaxing as he panting heavily through his mouth. he opens his eyes blearily, awash in tingling and rippling gooseflesh, still uncertain of what it is shiro's thinking.
neutral? good? hopefully not patiently putting up with bad?? s little afraid of what the answer might be, keith lets go of his boyfriend's hipbones to wrap his figners around shiro's soft cock. gripping loose around the base, keith strokes up and down the shaft, stretching out as he can to press th etip of his tongue to the cock head's slit. ]
You said... [ voice heady, keith licks urgently, eager to catch shiro's pre on his tongue. you said. well. shiro's said a lot of things. but keith doesn't feel like voicing any of them. ] .... I want that. Show me what being yours is like. Make me take it. RUin me for everyone else.
[ including for shiro himsel? confusion for what the fuck he's even saying threatens to bloom into furhter heartache, but the sentiment only lasts as long as the next hard suck at his hole. ]
i just... will keith ever find out that he has a beet booty
one more hard suck, one more swallow, and then shiro lets the weight of his head drag him back to the mattress, breathing heavy to let keith hear the laboring of his lungs. ]
Sure, baby. [ whether it’s the breathlessness or the rawness of his throat, both from keith’s earlier treatment and now his own of harsh suction, his voice is a few pitches deeper. hard, heavy, husky, he sounds a strange amalgamation of strong and weak. ] I’ll ruin you.
[ cooed, it’s a promise, presented with a teasing uptilt, as though he’s the one doing keith the favor here with no ulterior motivation. see, shiro’s said it before and he still stands by it: he won’t throw a fit if keith finds himself drawn to another prisoner and scratches an aphro-induced itch. he won’t like it, but he can’t exactly hold keith to the terms of faithfulness that is otherwise expected in a traditional relationship. so ruining keith for everyone else? shiro doesn’t need that, in theory.
… but he does want that. of course he wants that. shiro’s a traditional boy, with traditional ideas of how relationships work: date, present a ring, get married, live happily ever after. his perception of that has been battered over the years, first with a diagnosis that would heavily influence what a happy ending for him would entail and second, with a collapsed engagement that had him questioning the whole process. dump a year and counting of trauma on top of that and – yeah, he’s a bit of a mess when it comes to committing himself to anything beyond what is – was – currently expected of him from voltron. nonetheless, the shred of innocence he has left in him still wants to want that: a partner, a husband, a life separate from the course he’s set on.
sometimes, when he’s picturing himself after the war and back on earth, it’s keith he sees there beside him. not just keith, this keith. nonsensically, he’s attached, even as he sees the error in it. this is a fleeting relationship, but as long as he remembers that, it’s okay to slip up in fantasy from time to time. this can be another one of those moments: a playful, non-serious reprieve, more teasing than actual. so he’s not truly invested in claiming this boy to some sort of end that keeps him from straying, even unintentionally. whatever happens, happens… it’s not like he’s actually set on overwhelming this boy with pleasure until the very makings of his body and soul know he belongs to shiro.
so him turning his hands in and inching his fingers toward keith’s candy-striped hole is the natural progression of the foreplay, not him finding a point of ruin. swiping through the next drizzle of slick, shiro gets it between and on his fingers. both sets: two indexes, two middles. ]
But I need to be harder to fuck you. Take me into your mouth, pretty boy. Warm me up.
[ and don’t mind shiro as he dips the two fingers of his left. even with his prior fingering, taking two fingers at once is likely a stretch. the motion is smooth, however; made easy by the generous wetness still saturating the inner lining of keith’s asshole. the way his hands are positioned grants him two palmfuls of ass cheeks, to which he squeezes, the left a little less intense than the right. keith best focus on relaxing quickly though, because it won’t be long of letting his fingers sit heavy inside him that shiro then widens keith’s hole with the index of his right, wriggling it inch by inch to join the others, each knuckle swallowed up. ]
shiro could tell him!!! or i guess make out with him immediately after...
Fuck... that's so wonrg and intense. Fuck.
[ words partly warbled and mumbled around the heavy press of ock against his tongue, keith isn't sure if he's even intelligible at this point. but that's okay. shiro doesn't need him to be intelligible. in fact, shiro seems entirely determined to render him speechless in more ways than one.
groaning helplessly as shiro palms firmly at his tender ass cheeks, keith rolls his hips back to more solidly fill up shiro's hands, one hot and cool, and whimpers as two fingers slip in deep. slick from a constellation of glands helps ease the intrusion, but still ringing from his last orgasm, keith mewls and arches his back as fingers brush over glands, and then a third bullies and stretches his rim. glands tortured with added delicious pressure, slick bursts and runs down shiro's fingers and wrist, keith himself starting to to shiver.
but coming apart under shiro's touch isn't what was asked of him.
take me in your mouth. warm me up.
dumbly, keith repeats those two sets of instructions over and over, pulling some semblance of focus out of a blissed-out mind and jello body. already arched up, he simply opens his mouth wide and moans around a thick mouthful of cock. it's unfamiliar doing it in this position, but he likes to think he's gotten enough practice in with anon to know what he's doing. knowing now that it's shiro's cock in his mouth, and that it's always been shiro's cock makes his mouth water as he moans, determinedly licking hot stripes up and down the shaft as he commits himself to rolling down to swallow shiro in one go.
take me in your mouth. warm me up.
filled on both ends, keith groans loudly, ass supplying another generous burst of slick like that might ease the passage of cock into his throat. needless to say, it doesn't, but it also doesn't stop keith from going past the bump of cock head at the back of his mouth to swallowing around shiro's tip, eyes watering as he suppresses a gag and pushes his face down as far down as he can get it between shiro's legs. always heavily ambitious, keith holds position while his throat convulses for one, two two, three, and then he comes up and off chest heaving. ]
Fuck, I love how your cock feels inside, Shiro....
[ raspy and hoarse, keith takes a deep huff of breath then pops right back on shiro's cock, bobbing up and down with little care for the spreading ache of his jaw as shiro thickesn up. ]
perhaps shiro should take a picture of his booty hole and simply show him
huston, we have contact. he feels the drop on the fat of his tongue first, and quickly after, that earthy taste blooms, only intensifying as shiro draws his tongue back inside his mouth, swallowing. this boy. this absolute gem of a boy.; so unique, so special, so delectably made, both in body and spirit. shiro will never tire of discovering and rediscovering all the ways in which no one will ever be able to compare to keith. which is, of course, a problem, according to clear-headed, logically-bound shiro. at present, however, that shiro has left the building, especially when a wickedly hot mouth encloses more securely around his cock, bobbing low to introduce cockhead to throat.
they’ve done this plenty of times, with keith’s lips sealed around his cock and working low, to force his throat open. still, shiro marvels at keith’s determination of taking so much, so quickly, because it hasn’t taken much for shiro’s blood to rush low and fatten his cock. he feels keith begin to choke, first in a tremble that plays at his sensitive head and then tightens around his length. he ought to feel some remorse for it, at least a brief twinge of it, but shiro feels nothing less than appreciation for each convulsion, the rhythmic spasm of muscle feeling amazing along his cock. ]
Holy fuck, Keith.
[ punched out, shiro is choking, too; though, choking on breath is decidedly easier to weather than a thick cock. his hips have a mind of their own: keith comes up and they arch up with a tensing of his ass, trying to maintain contact. it’s needless, it seems, because keith is just as addicted to the connection and soon, after a quip, keith is back, bobbing his head with the single-minded focus of making that cock rock hard. shiro’s eyes roll and he gives himself over to the need to close his eyes, tip his head back and groan. it takes a few extra seconds, but the agreement inevitably comes in the form of a raspy: ]
Yeah. It feels amazing inside you. [ in all manners: fingers, tongue, cock, keith’s body is a dream and shiro is a spoiled boy. ] Nothing beats that feeling… not even cliff-jumping.
[ through the desire, there’s a upswing of amusement, an emotion that colors his voice with a lighter, more playful tone. his focus realigns, however, and he’s bogged down with the delicious notes of lust, every moment heavy and wanting as he continues curling his fingers inside keith’s ass. this whole time, he’s been diligently – and slowly – working his three fingers back and forth together, fucking keith deep and thorough. again, he thinks of how wet keith is and as his hole squelches on the next thrust, as if on cue, shiro brings his other middle finger to join his others. peeling back keith’s rim, he aligns the pad and then pushes it in with the other three. ]
It was difficult letting you walk away with the door between us but now that I know it’s you…
[ it’s a feat in itself that he manages words. mesmerized both by the sight of keith’s hole stuffed full of fingers and by the continued distraction of his cock being worked over and over inside keith’s mouth, shiro has no hope of keeping his voice level. it’s pitchy and throaty, occasionally interrupted with harsh breath or a moan. he’s talking when action is more paramount than word. he can’t help it; there are ideas in his head and he’s rambling them off, thinking only of how lovely keith looks when he’s filled. ]
I want to keep you here all the time and sit you on my cock. [ in the morning, in the afternoon, at night… that’s what they’re here to do, but it’s not just sheets and sex. ] Want you to stay on my cock and hold me inside, even when I’ve gone soft, for hours and hours.
gosh he could LOL
there'd been a time when keith walked away from his side of the balsawood door, ass throbbing and quivering, thoroughly used and abused by anon's cock, and that was the filthiest thing in the world. what they're doing together now makes that keith seem downright virginal.
face flushed scarlet, keith swears he can feel his heart beating in his ears, his throat, his cock, his ass, everywhere, like he's minutes from bursting despite the fact he's still mostly soft between his legs. overwrought and tingling from head to toe, keith keeps working on shiro's cock like he was made to pleasure it until his boyfriend splits him even further open. keith comes off shiro's cock with a loud groan as a fourth finger bullies past his rim and his hole gapes, the rim fluttering wildly. ]
Shiro! Oh god, it's so damn much... taking you everywhere like this. But I -- [ whatever that train of thought is, it atomizes as shiro into an urgent, pitched moan as shiro starts moving his fingers, glands producing a new burst of slick to ease the way. ] Fuuuuuck!
[ with little grasp on any sense of inhibition, keith's voice ticks up in volume, decibels away from outright yelling. eyes squeezed shut, he pants heavily through several thrusts of shiro's fingers, mind fogging with the delirium of simply doing exactly as shiro's describing. and when keith finds no reason not to simply make that a reality? ]
Fuck, I'm putting an end to your dick screaming.
[ screaming that only keith can hear evidently. but with a determined scoot forward, he frees himself from shiro's hold on his ass and quickly turns himself around. holding eye contact, keith positions himself at a hover above shiro's hips and holds his boyfriend's cock steady. ]
Show me. Show me how fucking good you feel even when you're soft inside me.
[ and with that, keith lines up shiro's cockhead to his hole, groaning as the tip breaches and gravity slips him down, down, down until shiro is fully ensheathed. fingers trembling as keith spreads them open on his boyfriend's ships, keith breathes out hard, but there's something soft about his expression when he holds shiro's gaze with a longing smile. ]
.... Wow. I've wanted to look at your face while doing this for so long. I- I can't believe it's real and it's finally happening. I - [ fuck. is he actually getting emotional? no, shut up. hoping to disract and keep from saying anything embarrassing, keith flexes his thighs, ad rolls up, nice and slow before slamming back down with a drawn-out moan. ]
perhaps he can print it out and take it w him to canada
for all his disappointment in the loss of keith’s fun hole, the remedy for it is easily found in the following movements. after all, how can he feel anything other than excitement when keith pivots his body, giving shiro the perfect view of his pretty cock, his torso, his shoulders, his neck, his face – he’s so god damn beautiful, flush pink and sheened with sweat. even prettier when those thighs flex, propping keith above shiro’s spit slick cock.
the first touch of his cockhead smearing through the slick wetting keith’s hole has shiro visibly shivering. that’s the only brush, though, because the angle is perfect and keith is quick to let gravity do its work, swallowing shiro up inch by inch until keith’s ass sits firmly on his pelvis. shiro’s hands, which have been mostly useless throughout keith’s ministrations, give up on twisting the sheets to feel up keith’s thighs. keith’s murmuring and it’s like he’s brain-linked with shiro’s mind, because those are shiro’s words and feelings, the same awed disbelief running through him, too. the number of times he thought of keith while with anonymous is embarrassingly high and then since, after their decision to be together, he’s passed these many weeks, often touching himself to a mental picture of keith.
sexual tension high, maybe that’s why everything derailed so quickly and so filthily. shiro doesn’t regret what they’ve done, but he did come into this with a much softer expectation. it’s here that he remembers it. more than that, it’s here that he wants it again. keith’s smile, keith’s words, keith’s slow drag up, they all work together to gentle the headiness of shiro’s desire, enough to have those hands on keith’s thighs to clutch higher, interrupting any hope for a continued rhythm. ]
Wait. Lemme look at you.
[ because he hasn’t gotten his fill yet, of this moment of finally being together. they’ve been together many times before, true, but not like this. not with them knowing it and certainly not with them looking at each other. this time, held tight inside keith’s body while holding eye contact… heh, keith has no need to be embarrassed about being emotional. he isn’t the only one. ]
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive you. [ murmured softly, there’s the slightest slur to his voice, words bleeding into each other, as though he’s already pleasure drunk. ] Gorgeous boy… pretty boy… just looking at you is overwhelming in the best way.
[ so how is he going to fair when keith is riding him in earnest? grinning, shiro draws lines at keith’s thighs and then gently rakes his blunt nails down them. ]
Just this once, I think you’ll have to go easy on me. [ if keith wants this to last, that is. sighing now, shiro keeps eye contact and gives keith’s thighs twin taps. ] Fuck me slow so I don’t miss a thing.
i can't believe this is their future. looking at filthy pictures and talking about the good old days
keith already knew shiro would feel incredibly fully sheathed inside, but there's just nothing in the universe that compares to the sweet thrill of seeing shiro's expression warm with affection and praise that's reserved just for him. heady in his uncontrollable euphoria, keith straightens up from his lean, straight-backed now and full of unmistakable pride, to show off the lines of his body from his muscled shoulders, to flushed half-dimes, down to his abs and stiffening cock.
honestly, keith's given little thought to his own appeaance. he figures, if anything, he looks decent enough, but it's in hearing shiro compliment him like this when he's proudly seated on his cock and covered in sweat and whatever the fuck his ass is producing that he actually feels kinda sexy for once. the novelty of it hits keith just right enough to laugh brightly, as he grabs shiro's flesh hand and holds it tight in his. ]
Go easy on you, huh? Now there's something I never thought I'd hear from you.
[ fuck. try as he might to insert.a teasing lilt to his voice, he fails utterly at sounding anything other than completely and hopelessly besotted. ]
If you need a minute, I could do this for a bit. You wanted to look at me, right?
[ bringing his free hand up to his half-hard cock, keith starts to pump himself slowly, breathing instantly going ragged as his cock and stretched hole twitch with the slow stroke. ]
So look at me. [ lifting shiro's hand, he presses the palm over his racing heart, and continues to pump slowly and steadily. ] Cuz if you feel even a fraction of how I feel looking at you right now..... fuck.
[ what even is the analogy here? are there even words to describe how perfect keith feels in the moment? it's like coming into the orbit of a gorgeous star, circling and soaking up all the light to the point that he no longer remembers what being in the dark had ever felt like. ]
fjkghgw it'll keep them warm???
– not that he doesn’t want to make this boy cum many more times tonight.
for now, however, he’s calmed into pressing pause on their hurried movements, the whole of him relaxing and sinking into the bedding. keith takes his hand soon enough though and shiro leans up just so, allowing the reach necessary for keith to place his hand to his chest. immediately, shiro flattens his palm fully, pressing the span of it over keith’s left pec, feeling the steady thump, thump of his heart. it’s quick and it’s heavy, so intense that shiro’s surprised there aren’t rattling ribs to go along with it.
the thought has his grin shifting, tightening, curling into a smirk that’s more teasing and self-assured. ]
Fuck sounds right.
[ shiro doesn’t have room to tease; three words and he can’t even keep his voice steady. it’s breathy and dripping with desire, so honeyed with his need that he’s nearly purring. holding keith’s gaze, shiro takes his fill of adoring keith’s face, all the while blindly shifting his hand to pinch fingers at that lovely half-dime. he’s merciless with that nub, rolling it back and forth between finger and thumb.
there are so many things to say here. he wants to adorn keith with compliments, more of how breathtaking he is, how strong, how perfectly made he is to fit with his own body. he’d like to tell him how much he adores him, too, and that he can’t imagine feeling even a fraction of what he feels now for or with anyone else. instead, the softer, sweeter sentimentals grow hazy, for his gaze has traveled down to watch the encirclement of keith’s fingers. seeing that flushed head move back and forth in keith’s fist makes shiro’s thoughts grow heavy and slow, like molasses. ]
You could probably get me to cum just like this.
[ maybe? probably. he’s not there yet, not even close, but he can feel it, the potential of a slow-crescendo, of being coaxed into a crest through steady touch and suggestion. ]
Feels amazing inside you already. All it’ll take is you stroking yourself, teasing me to madness by showing off your sexy body and moaning my name… a little flex and the perfect shift of your hips and I bet I’ll burst.
[ he gives keith’s nip another pinch and then drags his hand down, coasting through the lines of his abs and then to touch the wrist of the hand slowly jerking off. he doesn’t change or aid the motion, he merely holds on to ride out the movement. ]
Would you like that, baby? Do you wanna be full of my cum?
but my tundra research says otherwise??
int's a little mesmerizing to be so whollly engrossed by everything his boyfriend is saying, even though keith technically is the one on top, in charge and ostensibly controlling shiro's pleasure. it doesn't matter that his own cock is throbbing again, or that every minute twitch sends a whole body shock reminding him of just how firm and deep sshiro is planted inside him, his own pleasure is entirely a lovedrunk afterthought as keith watches the perfect way shiro's bow lips move and take shape around words and smiles.
it's almost funny. being so wrapped up in being with shiro makes every filthy suggestion sound like sweet poetry. keith takes it all in, goosefleshed along his thighs while flushing warm, and gives himself a little shake as he resumes the beating of his fist up and down the length of his drooling cock. ]
Yeah.... yeah, I wanna be pumped full, Shiro.
[ murmured breathlessly, as keith points his cock at shiro and smears the pre on his abs. ]
Fill me up, sir. I wanna feel it sticky inside, and dripping down my legs.
[ pumping faster now, keith squirms and squeezes around shiro's cock as he groans and works his thighs to ride in teasing barely there bounces. ]
Fuck. [ reaching behind, keith grabs shio's balls and squeezes gently but urgently. ] Look me in the eye while you mark my ass as yours, Shiro. Make me feel like it's never gonna wash out. Do it.
fjkjhg ah yes. your pokemoning in the low 30s weather. i wonder if s + k can pokemon in the tundra
i wanna be pumped full, shiro.
ah, fuck. wasn’t he just thinking that he wasn’t close? that, maybe, over a course of hefty time, keith could draw a slow-cresting orgasm out of him?
shiro squirms, only to stop immediately, because that certainly isn’t helping his restraint. it’s so slight, just a barely there shifting of his cock inside the heat and tightness of keith’s body, why does it feel like he’s just endured a milking? similar to the beating of keith’s quickened fist?
fill me up, sir. i wanna feel it sticky inside, and dripping down my legs.
that’s why. keith’s gone chatty, spelling absolute disaster for shiro, especially when this beautiful boy picks up where shiro left off, squirming and squeezing around his cock. shiro chokes on breath, eyes slamming shut and expression furrowing with deep wrinkles that make him look close to pain. he’s not, though. he’s so far away from pain. his system is overrun with pleasure and bliss and holy fuck, he’d been bullshitting. he’s not actually supposed to cum from just this.
fuck.
yeah, ditto. giving up on his desperate cling to keith’s wrist, shiro sends both hands out now to grasp at keith’s squirming hips. to stop him? in theory, but his body wants what it wants and even as it’s tensing on the tell-tale signs that have shiro’s brain yelling, his hands don’t cooperate beyond digging fingers in to ride the motion of keith’s hips. shiro has about one tick to think, he can survive this, he can endure this without embarrassing himself, but then keith’s reaching behind to squeeze his sac.
do it.
shit. shit. shit. shiro raises his gaze, eyes meeting keith’s and for a split moment, there’s a pinch to his brow and a look in his eyes that’s almost apologetic, but then he’s swept up in the cresting pleasure, the climb so swift and so sudden that it whites out his thoughts. he keeps his eyes open, but they’ve gone distant and unfocused, mouth opening to choke out keith’s name. it isn’t a short affair. his second orgasm of the night and yet, it’s long, heavy, messy. will it be enough to do all the things keith commanded from him? shiro is picturing all those filthy things, at the very least.
when it’s over, with his cock giving its last twitch and spit, shiro collapses into the sheets, body going lax as eyes close and mouth stays open, panting for breath. three, two, one… and then everything tightens, with his eyes flying open, only to then be covered by his hands across his face. ]
Oh my god.
[ mortification finds him first. give him a minute, perhaps he’ll find it in himself to laugh. until then? ]
That… I… [ still hiding behind his hands, he flaps his lips a few more times without any words coming out, before settling on: ] That wasn’t supposed to happen.
Important. Research.!!!!
but even so, keith has to admit he feels pretty fucking powerful right about now and it's made all the more exhilarating by his own mix of confusion and heavy arousal. see, in all the times he's fucked around with anon, it was only towards the very end that the guy ... shiro started finishing inside. the first time, keith had been so fucking out of it from his half-hour climax that he didn't exactly have any cogent thoughts on an extra load of slick in his ass, but later...
later while cleaning up and finding a steady trickle of cum leaking from his puffy hole, keith had been struck over the head with a hard-to-place blend of shame and longing. shame won the day on account of returning to his best friend's bed, but still....
watching shiro react to the filth of that moment that keith has been thoroughly unable to shake is spellbinding. goading and teasing more than anything because keith isn't sure if anyone can actually cum like this, he moans as shiro pulls at his hips and -- ]
Oh.....
[ what else is there to say? thoughts blink out of existence as keith watches his best friend unravel and molten heat splashes at his insides. fuck. keith shivers, heart racing like he's just climaxed himself through his own cock remains rock, painting abs with a fresh coat of pre.
it's impossible not to smile stupidly as keith releases his cock and lets it lewdly bounce back up in order to hold onto shiro's flesh wrist. he doesn't attempt to prise those hand away from shiro's face -- not yet, but his grip is firm, tone bright with joy. ]
That was amazing.
[ the hand still holding shiro's sack gives it another gentle squeeze. ]
I mean, fuck -- I have to wait for you to get hard again, but... wow. Just wow.
IT REALLY IS. i value your commitment to the research of our many sheith verses
that was amazing.
between that and the gentle squeeze at his wrist, shiro does not reveal his face but he does split his middle finger from his ring finger, opening a crack for one eye to peer through. it’s not at all subtle; keith can see shiro looking at him. nonetheless, shiro takes his time to stare at that wide smile and those joyful eyes. all in all, keith’s reaction shouldn’t be this surprising but somehow, shiro’s mortification has tangled him up so thoroughly in low expectation that he’s floored by it. ]
You’re pleased.
[ his voice rings dumbfounded. ]
You’re not - [ disappointed that it’s over already…? of course, the more rational thought is that they can simply keep going; as keith says, he just needs to wait. but that isn’t a fix-all, because – ]
It’s our first time.
[ … as them. the first time seeing each other’s faces when shiro is inside keith. and that was the result: shiro cumming like some preteen getting his dick wet for the first time. ]
yes, i deserve to be appreciated
Am I supposed to be mad that you're really into me?
[ if anything, it's nice to have evidence of shiro's affection so plain to see and feel. grip still loose around shiro's wrists, keith brushes circles around shiro's thumbs, still a little too tickled by the shyness to force those hands away. given another beat, the teasing lilt drops out of keith's expression and tone as he murmurs more gently: ]
This is a hell of a lot sweeter than you making me choke on your dick our first time.
[ their first time anonymously, that is. not that keith doesn't follow the distinction that shiro's trying to draw here, but all the same the contrast makes keith grow a little fonder. ]
... heh. That was the first time I had a cock in my mouth, you know that?
so modest
aphrodisiac, that's the more likely explanation to that hungry boldness than shy, generally reclusive keith racking up extensive, regularly sought experience in cock sucking. it's a tricky situation, deciding whether he's disappointed or relieved. disappointed only in that that was keith's first experience: drugged and coerced into a rushed affair. whereas relief stems from the obvious: he was first and for a time, only. ]
I wouldn’t have guessed. [ seems he's leaning more into relief; that feeling gatewaying right into soft excitement and brimming awe. ] You were… exceptional.
[ truthfully, it's all a bit hazy, the drug having blurred the detailed sharpness of his memory. no matter. the compliment is still true, he knows it is. because he agonized, he wanted, and inevitably, he caved to the desire to leave an anonymous note. so, truly, that man in the library – keith – had been good.
by now, shiro has uncovered his face; his smiling face. he's still got a twinge of shyness that keeps his gaze soft, but not so much that he keeps his hands idle. one twists to roll keith's grip from his wrist and take that hand in his. the other reaches down, touching keith's knee to smooth up along his thigh. ]
I’m your first here, too, right?
[ fresh from his orgasm, he's oversensitive, even if his mortification has dulled his awareness of it. he feels it now, however, when he flexes his ass and presses his hips up, shifting his soft cock inside keith just a faint amount. ]
shhh you, too, are deserving of appreciation.
a lot about that encounter in the library had been messed up, with little brain and all aphro-fueled hormones to steer his judgment. how exactly is keith meant to feel about having good instincts for suckling cock? he doesn't know, except that it makes his stomach feel a little squirmy with tentative laughter. piloting and blowjobs -- two of his latent abilities just waiting to be tested, huh?
not that shiro allows him to dwell on that absurdity for long. an insistent thrust drags a soft, wet noise from keith's lips, cock twitching hopefully. he hiccups a laugh in the aftermath, awash in light yet wanting feelings as he opens up his fingers to interlace with shiro's. ]
Yeah. Yeah, you are, old-timer.
[ growing moonier by the second, keith traps shiro's wandering hand at his knee and raises it to his lips to smooch. ]
Who'd have thought....
[ th odds of it seem astronomically low. the two of them existing in the same interuniversal sex trafficking ring masquerading as a prison is already pretty unlikely. the fact that the two of them ended up sharing firsts despite the plethora of drugs and whatever else to lower inhibitions makes that all the more incredible somehow. ]
/insert cat hugging gif
beaverdam to keep it all from dripping free to tacky up the space between keith’s thighs, he’s still very much aware of how wet keith is. his own physiology is, unfortunately, very human; meaning that even with all these tantalizing thoughts, his cock refuses to plump up. patience and all that junk, he knows, he knows. he’ll get there – quicker than usual, perhaps – he only needs to wait and eye this pretty boy up a little longer.and stroke him off, too. that sounds like a delightful way to pass the time.
keith’s cockhead is spongy and smeared, a consequence of rubbing his pre into shiro’s abs. flexing his midsection then, he thinks of how he likes being marked that way, with keith’s scent coating him. if he teases that cock for a little while, maybe it’ll drip some more onto him. keith intercepts him, though. up his thigh shiro’s hand goes, barely getting any further than halfway before fingers enclose around his, lifting him high. it’s impossible to say he’s disappointed for being diverted from his plan, because that kiss is rather sweet, especially with the besotted look that comes along with it.
oh.
held tight and warm inside keith’s body while simultaneously being spoiled with hands, lips and eyes that speak volumes, shiro doesn’t have the working rationale to be anything other than just as hopelessly smitten in the moment. shiro counters with a soft, adoring gaze, and a tug of his own, one that brings keith’s other hand to his mouth, kissing it just as gently. the difference comes in that shiro’s smile doesn’t stay. there’s a quirk to his mouth, one that extends, slanting his lips boyishly with a flash of teeth. ]
I’m still old-timer?
[ he was waffle for about two minutes earlier. remembering that, he laughs brief and light, again shifting his hips just to intensify the feel of their connection. ]
Haven’t I demonstrated how… virile I am? I am about to give you the best orgasm of your life, after all.
BEAVER DAM IM YELLING
shiro raises his hips again, and this time keith rolls downwards in time. soft as shiro is, the motion mostly makes keith huff with want, but then he's outright laughing at the question presented to him. ]
Maybe I'll upgrade you from old-timer when you get your hard on back.
[ there's nothing but affection in his tone. keith turns shiro's hand, kissing his knuckles as he speaks. ]
You can be Big Guy, again. [ then with a coy smile. ] Big Daddy? [ not exactly something he's understood, but those good mate classes are sometimes illuminating. ] Or Sir. Or whatever you want me to call you. I'm all ears, shiro.
Keith has been Henry'd
the way keith is talking helps on that front. breath plays over his knuckles, in between the brush of those lips and shiro sighs happily, masking the hard thumping of his heart that has to be audible to keith, too, right? big guy is one of shiro’s favorites, so the brightening of his expression is as telling as it is instantaneous. big daddy gets a blink and then they’re right onto sir, which would have shiro’s toes curling and breath hitching if he wasn’t still stuck on the endearment of before.
is endearment even the right word? isn’t daddy kind of… lewd? maybe that’s why his dick twitches, body intrinsically reacting to the filthy implication. surprised by his reaction – and more so, not really understanding what that reaction is – shiro stares up at keith’s coy smile and shy eyes, inwardly fumbling over a kink that, up until two seconds ago, he never thought he’d be dealing with.
he’s not into it, he tells himself… but he does wonder if keith is trying to plant the seed without asking for it. why else would keith mention it?
shiro feels warm, from his face to his chest to his cock that is still dammed up inside keith. ]
You, uh… you want me to be your daddy? [ shy curiosity colors his voice, more than judgment or aversion. a pause, then a furrowing of his eyebrows. ] Does that make you baby?
....i will never look at that name the same way thanks
with the floodlights turned on him, keith blinks as well, flushing a warm scarlet up to the tips of his ears. big daddy had mostly been a throwaway joke of a title, but hearing it in shiro's voice agitates that squirmy, fluttery feeling in his belly.
kinks are.... bizarre. keith has been in porn prison for months by now, but even so, keith's rarely considered his own curiosities and desires while attending those hideous "how to be a good mate" classes. part of that had been the nature of class itsel. after all, being in a room of horny inmates really doesn't put keith in the mood for soul-searching and introspection. but the other part of it is that keith adamantly maintains that some kinks are just bizarre, end of story.
talk of daddies, in particular, had lit up all sorts of uncomfortable associations with his own dad, the face of a bygone era of his life. their key smash instructor had insisted that wasn't the point. people aren't literally thinking about their biological dads while mating, though whatever reassurance that was had swiftly been undone by the following unless you are in which case please attend next week's class on taboo kink!
fighting through a stunned silence, keith struggles to relax the tension from his shoulders as he holds shiro's gaze. it helps nothing. in fact, he feels shyer for each passing second in which he simply looks at his boyfriend without having a clear rebuttal to throw back in his boy's dazed but curious expression.
baby. daddy. fucking hell, it all feels so terribly wrong to be talking like this while he's rock hard and sitting on shiro's cock. oart if him wants to laugh all of this off, but then there's that tiny expanding part of his consciousness that wants to know what being taken care of might look like if..... ]
I could be baby. Do you... [ a beat, then he pauses on a breath for some courage. ] ... would you like being my big daddy?
henry doesn't deserve this. he is such an innocent, fussy bean.
so huh. now that he thinks about it… maybe it was dull. maybe he is a little – a lot?? – repressed. is that why it’s so easy to ping his desire? to get him to want things he’s never given conscious consideration to before? maybe it’s simply keith: the shyness of his expression, the tentative notes of his voice, the weight of him in his lap and on his cock. the thing is… shiro would like to be just about anything to and for keith. so is he opposed to trying this out and seeing if it works for them…?
the furrowed creasing of his forehead smooths out, his expression clearing and setting into one of focus. he works his hands free and then he’s getting them to the bed, lifting himself up on his elbows. ]
I think I would.
[ he dreads the obvious question, though: why. if asked, he’s not certain he would be able to articulate why two words, three syllables have his stomach clenching and blood rushing to thicken his dismally soft cock. the implied authority of it? the trust that comes with it? the mere fact that keith is so vulnerable in the moment, showing him a side that shiro severely doubts anyone, anywhere will ever see? whatever the reason, shiro is gone on the idea, becoming more and more attached to the prospect of trying this out as he, carefully, pushes himself up.
the burn in his abdominals is slight, legs still outstretched along the bed as he sits upright with keith in his lap. throughout the whole movement, his gaze never strays from keith’s. here, now, with their faces much closer, shiro continues to hold gaze, dropping his voice low and languid, syllables thick with intention. ]
As your big daddy… [ he touches keith’s waist with his left hand, skirting along the jut of his hipbone with a back and forth of his thumb. ] It’s my job to take care of you, isn’t that right, baby boy?
YOU DID THIS
[ oh. just like that, shiro's doe-eyed surprise vanishes and keith fights to keep a shiver contained as his boyfriend sits up, focused and intent on ... daddying? fuck.
it's almost funny, really. barely a minute ago, and keith was the one calling the shots, milking the cum right out of shiro's sack as he mewled his way through his climax. where'd all that easy confidence gone? keith can't find it in himself when face-to-face with a shiro who's newly determined to take back the reins, soft-dicked and all.
an electric thrum zips across his hips at the touch, making keith's breath hitch as he unconsciously tightens around shiro's cock. with a reflexive gasp, keith relaxes and tentatively puts his hands on shiro's thighs. the scarlet flush from before recedes, though his cheeks stay a stubborn rosy pink as he opens his mouth to speak.
or tries to anyway. he swallows, and clears his throat, looking down at the pr painted on shiro's abs only to look back up sharply when his traitorous cock twitches.
thing is? keith can't imagine for a second that being this way with anyone else could ever flood him with so many confused, aroused feelings. this ought to be funny or outright gross.
somehow it isn't.
it shouldn't be possible to feel more naked and vulnerable than he already is, but the way shiro looks at him now feels like the man has turned a magnifying glass onto his soul. heart racing, keith tries to settle by tracing nonsense shapes over shiro's thighs as he nods, smiling shyly. ]
... you should. Because.... [ here, keith drops eye contact, bracing before blurting: ] Cuz you're proud of me, right?
ive been yelling at a constant pitch for 8 hrs. i cannot believe you brought approval kink into this
keith is kind – or he simply can’t see beyond his own desperation to remain calm – and doesn’t breathe a word about the blip in shiro’s composure. instead, all keith does is smile shy and draw lines, doing with his hands the equivalent of bashfully toeing the ground. he’s cute. so very cute. and it's laughable, really, because how can shiro be mentally cooing over how sweet-faced his best friend is when said best friend is sitting on his cock, ass warm and tight enough to coax his body into a quickened turnaround? every time keith so much as breathes, shiro can feel him: in his lap and on his cock, every tiny movement working him over. he twitches again and thickens slow, keith’s blurted words hanging between them for one, two –
fuck, he thinks again. ]
So much.
[ two, simple words, yet somehow, shiro heaves through them. it’s embarrassing how strained thin his voice is; too breathy and too earnest, like it would physically pain him if he held onto those words any longer. the truth of the matter is that it would; pain him, that is. shiro is not a simple man… but he is in this one aspect: joy comes to him very easily when he’s allowed a moment to tell keith just how wonderful he is. how valued he is. how incredibly proud he makes shiro every day. keith’s come a long way from the bruise-knuckled kid of years ago, and while he’s certain keith would attribute that turnaround to him, shiro gives all the credit to keith’s willingness to listen, grow, and become the man his potential promised him to be. ]
In a hundred different ways… [ at least. he smiles in lieu of giving those words voice, instead leaning in to brush a kiss to one of those rosy-cheeks. ] There’s no one who’s made me prouder.
[ that’s the sugar-honey, sweetheart response that is deserving of a pause. but shiro doesn’t pause. shiro noses along that flushed cheek and huffs breath at keith’s ear, the hand at his hip sliding over keith’s curves to cup at his ass cheek. ]
Like now. [ he’s proud. so very proud. ] You’re keeping me so warm and so wet inside you, patiently waiting for your fucking.
[ flexing his own ass to add some upward pressure of his hips, shiro once more tests the fit of their bodies. the softness of his cock hasn’t filled out, but he’s plumper, enough to be encouraging to the idea that the rest of the wait may not be too terribly long. before, shiro had thought stroking keith off would be a nice way to pass the time; he hasn’t given up on that idea, but he’s yet to move his metal hand in between their bodies. instead, his focus is on inching his fingers toward the crease of keith’s ass, not at all shy about finding whatever slick there is to be scooped up, slathering his fingers with it. ]
You’re such a good boy. [ a beat. a huff. an audible smile. ] My good boy.
[ he may not be able to deliver on cock fucking, but he can with finger fucking, which he does by pulling at keith’s rim with his slicked index finger, fitting it in alongside his cock, just to give keith that fuller feeling. ]
Say it for me.
KEITH BROUGHT IT IN !! I AM ALSO YELLING.
shiro is proud of him. fuck. the thought alone makes his balls ache as shiro's hand goes down to the split of his cheeks, finger swirling in slick before demanding entrance at his already stuffed hole. keith doesn't a proper chance to process any of it. not really.
the fact that he hasn't felt like shiro's been proud of him in a long time back in his reality passes keith by in the blink of an eye, like watching the creation and burn out of a sun sped up in time-lapse. the gasp could be from anything. the added stretch at his rim, the faint heartache that's being tenderly soothed with shiro's touch, or the steady filling out of shiro's soft dick as it forces keith to take it's full girth once more, but whatever it is keith responds in the only way he knows how in the moment.
both hands come up to drape around neck and shoulders, head hung as he lits up a pinch higher on his thighs to give shiro the room he needs. ]
I- I'm your good boy. I - [ here, vulnerability slips through as keith buries his face in a shoulder. ] I couldn't be this for anyone else. Ever.
[ not only is the thought mortifying, but he doesn't fucking care about what other people have to say about his actions, his choices, and his life. the only person whose opinion has mattered so deeply that keith is willing to remold himself is the person he's clinging to. cock twitching hard against shiro's abs, keith stutters through ]
Da..play with me, daddy.
i'll just be over here closing my eyes for eternity
or now, actually, because now, keith is stuttering through words that go straight to shiro’s cock. it has to be his imagination, right? he has to imagine the way he plumps up, growing stiffer and longer seemingly from one breath to the next. he isn’t into this daddy thing that much. ]
Yes, baby. Daddy’s got you.
[ god. that’s his voice. that’s him speaking those words. later, when all the oxygenated blood isn’t in his cock and some is left for his brain, perhaps he’ll reflect and feel an ounce of shame for what their first time has become. or maybe, he’ll double-down and revisit these kinks. either way, it is future shiro’s problem to deal with, because present shiro is bowing lower, nosing keith’s jaw to get at his neck. there’s a bruise on keith’s thigh and soon, there will be a matching one on his neck, just as wet and just as red.
shiro muffles a moan there, metal hand sliding between their bodies to find the first notch of keith’s cock, right there underneath his cockhead. a squeeze and an angle, to draw a sticky line against his abs, before he’s huffing against the wet patch at keith’s throat. ]
Messy, so messy. [ his voice tilts with obvious approval, only to be bolstered by the continued movement of his metal hand, now slipping down to the next ridge to pause and squeeze. this is the rhythm he takes, working his way down one ridge at a time, until he’s mapped out the entirely of keith’s cock from top to bottom. throughout, the finger inside keith occasionally draws out and in for a thrust, but mostly remains still, maintaining that full feeling. ]
So, baby, how do you want it? [ he’s back to nosing along keith’s jaw, fingers working back up keith’s cock in the slowest stroke imaginable. ] Do you want to show me how well you ride? Or do you want daddy to show you how well he fucks?
can i join you?
fuck. the lewd thought is made all the lewder when paired with the gentle in-out motion of shiro's fingers, and the added fullness of a girthy cock waking up to demand space. keith shivers, breathing through his mouth as he swallows hard. this whole... giving himself over to another person, letting them take charge, use him -- it's all shit that'd been brought up before in some cringe-inducing discussion about submissives during "how to good mate" class. weird is all keith had thought at the time. weird, wrong, and definitely not for him.
but that was before shiro. before that agonizing slow rhythm of pressure rolling up his cock. keith whimpers, pleading without uttering a single word as pre meets shiro's fingers when they reach the tip. fuck, he's a mess and there's just no hiding it when merely being asked the question prompts a fresh dribble of slick.
breathing hard, keith tries for at least the facade of composure despite the fucking show of interest that his cock and ass insist on putting on. it's an impossible choice, really, and the sheer wrongness of knowing he's made plenty of difficult calls in the heat of battle without batting an eyelash, but this makes him stumble with all the indecision of a virgin only deepens the flush of his cheeks.
heart hammering and head flooded with just the prospect of shiro and him really fucking each other for the first time, keith groans, whines, and then finally growls his impatience as shiro squeezes up another ridge.
hand catching shiro's wrist to trap the hand on his cock, keith huffs and breaks into a feral grin. ]
If I ride you, you're sure you're not gonna nut on me early, daddy?
[ the words feel foreign, and yet it's easy to slip into. thrilling, really, because it feels like them again. no warnings given, keith flexes his thighs and rides shiro's cock up to the tip, pausing only to look down between his legs and shiver at the sight of them connected this way for the first time. ]
Cuz I'm not feeling patient anymore.
[ and with that, against better judgment, keith slams back down, taking all of shiro's cock in a single demanding motion, gasping throughout. but does he stop? no. trembling, he raises an eyebrow, still holding onto some of his defiances as he starts to ride. ]
... no. you're the one causing this eternity eye closing
if i ride you, you're sure you're not gonna nut on me early, daddy?
that little shit…! he's grinning, too, though. it comes slow and tight, the upcurl slanting higher on one side. challenge accepted, that’s the translation of it. he allows keith a few more moments to bask in the moment with no resistance, doing little other than watching this boy lift up. his finger slips free on the way up and then shiro is letting that hand drop to the side, not at all guiding keith in any way. the payoff is another cheeky quip and a swift drop.
shiro fights against the flutter of his lashes and the way pleasure makes his eyes want to roll. he ends up, instead, going nearly cross-eyed with the unfocusing of his pupils, jaw tense with how tight he’s slotting his molars together. a harsh exhale comes through his nose but that’s the extent of it: no moan, no groan, no weak sound to betray him. it’s obvious, though, isn’t it? that he’s putting such effort into his composure. the fact that he still hasn’t found voice for a retort is evidence enough. still, he keeps on the charade that he isn’t wonderfully floored by how tight and hot keith is, riding so well on his cock. with that, he forces his voice level. ]
You caught me by surprise before.
[ looking so damn beautiful and sounding so fucking filthy. he huffs to stave off the moan building in his chest and working up his throat, hands coming to rest at keith’s hips. at first, it’s just to follow the movement of keith’s body, but one, two bounces and then shiro slides them behind, grasping each cheek of keith’s ass. there’s still a lacking quality of control in his movements; he’s merely following keith’s pace… and clinging harder to pull his cheeks outward, widening the stretch of keith’s rim just a few millimeters more. ]
That won’t happen again. [ it better not. he doesn’t think he can survive another unfortunately timed orgasm. ] This time, you’ll have to work for my cum.
YOU brought up the terminology!!
shiro's cock is already thick and demanding in any other position. taking it like this, with the full weight of gravity driving shiro in deep on every down slam of his thighs makes keith groan, fingers trembling as they cling to shiro's hips. full and hard, each tiny movement wrings pleasure out of gland upon gland, and with that added streth on his rim by greedy fingers, it doesn't take more than another bounce or so for keith to lose the feral grin to instead grit his own teeth, determination to take it and please, etche into the hard furrow of his brow. ]
You make it sound like I didn't work for it.
[ breath catching, keith cheats by bouncing up to the top of shiro's cock for the tiniest bit of a pause. moaning as shiro's cock head slips out of him, he shudders as cum drenched slick drips from the gape of his hole right onto his boyfriend's dick. keith watches the lewd show for two beats, moaning as he repositions shiros rock at his rim to dam himself back up. ]
Squeezed it right out your balls.
[ impaling himself just up to shiro's cock head, keith bites his lower lip and breathes hard for a beat. ]
Fuck. Fuuuuck.
[ curse dragging on as keith slams himself back down, his back arches, cock bouncing lewdly as his asscheeks slap shiro's thighs. [
You feel even bigger like this, daddy.
[ and yet, determined as ever, keith repositions his hands, reaching up to squeeze shiro's pecs, pushing them together as he flexes his thighs for another solid bounce up and down, over and over with increasing confidence. ]
Tell me... tell me how good I am.
[ a perfectly reasonable, breathlessly moaned request up until the moment keith overestimates an accidentally comes off shiro's dick entirely. interrupted mid-gasp, keith looks down, blinking hard, and clearly thrown off script. ]
Oh...
i continue to feel judged for providing such wonderful tags
as pleasing as the sight is, though, it riles him up in the opposite direction, too. his cum is falling out of keith. it isn’t sitting heavy inside him anymore, sticking to his inner walls and marking him deep. it’s a neanderthal thought of claim, but rational, civilized shiro left the cube some time ago, and now, he sees keith, his keith, emptying.
he grits his teeth and moves his hands to keith’s hips again, a moment shy of pulling that boy back down on his cock to keep that cum inside him through forceful, albeit pleasing means. but keith is good and beats him to it. the tension keeps in his jaw; with no other outlet, he tips his head back and lets his eyes roll behind closing lids. keith’s cursing and calling him daddy again, and holy shit, shiro definitely says it aloud this time. getting his eyes open with effort, shiro watches keith move and bounce, gaze continually shifting between keith’s face and cock, indecisive on which is more pleasing to watch. he ends up watching neither, actually. the sight of his own cock, flushed red and glistening with body fluids, disappearing inside keith over and over is mesmerizing enough to enrapture shiro’s attention.
tell me… tell me how good i am.
shiro’s mouth is already open, hanging on a part as he breathes harshly in and out. trying to compose himself, he presses his tongue to his upper lip and breathes even harder, just to steady his lungs… but then there’s a shift too far. the glorious heat is gone. the perfect hug around his cock is gone. keith looks confused, poised there above him. shiro doesn’t, though. all shiro needs is a moment to return to that earlier thought, of his hard made dam breaking and all his spent cum escaping this boy.
shiro becomes a force in the next beat, using his substantial size and weight to pull keith to the bedding as he rolls over. he doesn’t stop there though. he manhandles keith to get his belly down to the sheet before draping himself entirely over him, that same neanderthal brained incentive convincing him that this is what he needs to do to stake his claim: blanket him, encompass him, let him feel his weight and size. wet cock pressed along the crease of keith’s ass and chest resting along keith’s back, shiro presses him a little deeper into the sheets and bends close to his ear. ]
You’re good, you’re so good… [ cooed softly, shiro kisses the sweaty hair curled by his ear. his voice up curls, pitching with an audible smirk. ] – but you’re also cocky.
[ he got pretty overconfident there, huh? bouncing too roughly, too absentmindedly; keith was far too concerned with hearing how good he is that he fell off of shiro’s cock entirely. tsk, tsk. ]
We’ll need to work on your riding. [ many, many times. a soft huff and then there’s movement between their bodies, shiro lifting his hips enough to get his hand on his cock. he notches his cockhead between the crease and finds keith’s hole. ]
Not now, though. Now I’m gonna fuck you, baby boy.
[ that serves as the only warning. he pushes inside in one smooth thrust, bottoming out easily from the excess of slick and cum. it’s a messy affair; this close, with him reluctant to give keith much of any room to exist without shiro literally surrounding him, shiro doesn’t have the full range to pull out. short, quick thrusts is what he manages, each one dirty and grinding. ]
we both know this judgment is highly warranted???
but evidently, this momentary paralysis is only affecting keith. strong hands grab at his hips, and with barely a gasped yelp, keith is pushed bodily into the mattress with shiro's bulky frame draped on his back. keith groans, squirming and shifting enough to feign some resistance, but a shiver rolls visibly down his spine when words are breathed by his ear, and shiro's cock bumps the clef of his ass.]
Fuck.
[ it's not a fitting response. in fact, it doesn't address anything being said to him at all. but how the hell is he meant to? they've been going back and forth on controlling the tempo with keith ping-ponging between focused amusement and hielding mindlessly. the abrupt switch just now shortcircuits every neuron in his brain as shiro pushes in filthy and deep in a single motion.
grabbing two fistfuls of sheet, keith moans brokenly into the mattress as shiro starts fucking him with quick, snapped thursts. eyes squeezed shut, keith warbles unfinished, delirious thoughts as he struggles to lift his ass to crudely thrust his cock into the mattress in time with shiro's. ]
Fuck... this isn't-! It's not fair how you make me so hard.
[ trying to rock his hips into the mattress and getting only millimeters, keith whines and widens the split his legs for traction. >/s,all>]
C'mon, fuck me with your whole cock, daddy. Wan it... show me, please!
i admit to nothing
the thought is satisfying, but shiro’s low-based, brutish focus has him grunting, teeth grit as this addicting boy widens his legs, trying to coax more of shiro’s cock. it works. of course it works.
as reluctant as shiro is to press his weight up and off of keith, who feels so good trapped beneath him, shiro is weak to the prospect of sliding inch by inch by inch of his entire cock in and out of that tight hole. all it takes is the mere suggestion and shiro is gone, pushing up with both hands to find the right leverage. he doesn’t stay perched on both hands however. his right does all the stabilizing, metal fingers splayed wide across the bedding. as for his left? it presses to keith’s spine, there between his shoulder blades, applying just enough pressure to keep him down and buried in the bedding.
adjusting his legs and widening on his knees, he abruptly changes the tempo. the next thrust draws back long; the drag is exaggerated, slow and patient as he finds the full length of himself, right until only his cockhead is kept tight. one pause and then his hips snap down, his slick drenched cock smoothly settling in as far as it will go to have his pelvis meeting keith’s with a loud, satisfying slap. repetition is easy. natural. he only needs that one run through and then he’s settled in, fucking keith in full, earnest strokes that come at a fast pace. ]
How’s that, baby?
[ does he have anything else to complain about? shiro smirks through a groan caught low in his throat, and adjusts his left hand higher, sweeping at the sweat curls of keith’s nape before pushing down again with just enough force to reestablish who is in charge. ]
You like being fucked into the mattress by daddy? Is this finally enough for you?
://///
shiro is what he starts to moan, as the pressure eases up on his rim and the threat of suddenly being left to gape open and empty becomes more tangibly real. he gets through the first syllable and screams the rest as shiro abruptly snaps his hips to full depth. stars fill up keith's vision, cock and hole twitching and pulsing as shiro picks up a beautifully brutal pace.
whining and drooling on the sheets, keith is a shivering, filthy mess of keyed-up nerves and moans and aborted pleas. with just enough presence of mind to raise his ass up by lifting slightly up onto his thighs, keith wriggles up, panting and trembling as the angle shifts just right. fully adrift, it's having shiro's hand shift up to forcefully keep his neck down that keith lets out another hiccuped wail.
shiro is in control. completely, utterly, with keith just a fraying, unraveling constellation being masterfully pulled apart at his boyfriend's whims. pleasure hits in wave after wavee, with each hard thrust of shiro's hips battering his glands and forcing his cock to rut against the mattress like some horny teen. overwhelmed by how easily shiro does this to him, keith's voice is a pitched, desperate thing. ]
Y-yes! Please, please, I love daddy fucking me into the mattress,, I- fuck, Shiro! Daddy, m'm gonna cum, fuck! But I - I wanna, I wanna see you! Daddy, please?
c:
yeah. begs. keith is wailing for daddy now, pleading to see his face and – fuck. suddenly, it’s not enough. not the sweat beneath his palm, not the clench of those fingers in the sheets, not the curve of that spine angling hips up to meet for a delicious slap… none of it is worth anything when that gorgeous face is buried in the bedding, obscured by tangles of hair.
shiro ruts into that tight heat once, twice more and then slides free. weight lifts off of keith in the same movement, giving him one, precious tick to breathe some stability into that empty body… and then that tick is spent and shiro’s hands are on keith again, flipping him onto his back. that movement is rather unceremonious; too rushed, too rough. but afterwards… there’s a shift in shiro’s demeanor. yes, he’s still brazen with desire, overtly confident in his domineering persona, but this time, when he takes himself in hand to butt his cockhead to keith’s wet hole, he takes a pause.
suspended in that position, shiro doesn’t push forward with his hips, only his torso. he gets both elbows to the mattress and frames keith’s head, hands coming in to smooth across keith’s face, pulling back the hair. gently, sweetly, like he actually has patience to let keith focus on his face before he gets back inside him. hands resting on either side of keith’s head now with wisps of hair caught between his fingers, shiro smiles down at his boy and lets the patience run out. with that, he pushes deep inside, in one, solid thrust.
it takes no time at all for the fervor to reach the same level as before. he forces keith’s legs wider through his thrusts alone, pelvis hitting hard and own thighs wide for leverage, everything bumping together in a messy race for the finish. keith said he’s almost there. shiro isn’t too far off, either. keith has to get there first. ]
Time to let go, sweet boy.
[ breath heavy as he pants above keith’s face, shiro somehow manages to keep his voice steady and unbroken. his floof is sticking to his forehead, strands sweat curled and scattered, but he’s still got that cock-sure smile, the pleasure making it tight. throughout, he keeps his gaze firmly on keith, no fluttering lashes, no closing eyes. he wants to see the moment the pleasure crests. he wants – ]
Show daddy.
i am not fooled by this smile
it all comes to such a sudden stop though, as shiro pulls out just before the crest into free fall. keith gasps, audibly shocked by the shocking loose gape of his wet hole. uncomprehending, he clenches over and over, until he's forcibly turned once again. there's no resistance to the show of force, his whole body too much like jello to do anything other than lie on his back, ope mouthed and breathing hard as he looks up at shiro.
their eyes lock and fuck. hands come up to frame his face, and there's shiro hovering just above him, radiant and actually seeing him. directing all of the raw energy that's kept shiro pushing hardr and harder to achieve greater feats as keith watched with jaw-dropping awe right at him. heart beating even faster, keith swallows hard, trying to ignore the suspicion that given just a tiny bit of help, he could cum just like this. ]
Fuck....
[ in many sense of the word, really. it could be a plea to keep going, but the tone of keith's voice isn't right for it at all. in fact, the intonation of it may as well be an i love you even though....
even though, he's not supposed to.
but then his legs are forced further apart, and keith groans as shiro's cock slips back inside to perfectly fill him up again. thoughts dissolving into cotton candy, keith only gets it together enough to drape his legs around shiro's hips, ankles crossed over his his ass, as he watches the focus on his boyfriend's face through half-lidded eyes.
time to let go, sweet boy.
can he? body wound up tight, tighter, keith can't even fucking breahte right, from how shiro seemingly fucks the air right out of his lungs. mewling, keith tries to get a word out, wanting to say something to indicate to shiro just how important and treasured he is, but those thrusts are unreleting.
show daddy.
they started this day on the strangest note, only for certain filthy revelations to come into the light. finding out that the anon that keith had been fucking had been shiro this whole time should be the weirdest thing about today, and somehow... it isn't.
daddy. show daddy.
with shiro demanding it from him, watching, and waiting, all keith wants to do is earn himself a proud smile. show daddy. i love you. Sentiments blur, whole body going rigid as keith grips the sheets, arching his back and lets out a pitched daddy as his cock jerks and spills hot slick on his belly. ]
:c
good boy. keith deserves praise for that. not only for showing him exactly how pretty he is with his face awash with pleasure and throat arched with the rest of him, reverberating on a wail for daddy, but because he keeps his hands tangled up in the sheets. does this count as cumming on shiro’s cock untouched? the bedding may have assisted keith in getting there, but shiro is hook, line, and sinker on the idea that his cock fills keith out so completely that his cock is all keith needs.
turns out, that’s all shiro needs, too.
filthy thoughts and filthier reality have shiro’s thrusts growing dirtier, the mashing of body parts messy and loud with the excess of sweat, slick, and cum getting caught in the crossfire. one, two – again, it doesn’t take long. seduced so thoroughly by seeing and feeling the accumulation of keith’s pleasure, shiro tips over the edge and follows swiftly behind. pelvis locks in close and holds tight, cock jerking to empty spurt after spurt of cum inside keith. again, he thinks with satisfaction, body tingling at the mental image of that pink, puffy hole slick and leaking.
to actually see it would, of course, require him to separate himself from keith, which is not something he will be doing just yet. he groans without words through his orgasm, just barely keeping his eyes open through it. and then? when he’s spent and shivering through the aftermath? he blankets down on keith more firmly, though he never lets his full weight rest on him completely. just a minute; he just needs a minute to bury his face into the little bit of space below keith’s jawline, to breathe and to collect himself.
he doesn’t allow himself all the necessary time. amongst the panting, there’s a heavier exhale, twinged with amusement and then he’s laboring through a thinly said: ]
Holy shit, Keith… you need to come with a warning label.
[ one orgasm, two orgasms, three… and everything that happened in-between. his body is too strung out to blush, everything about him languid and content. ]
That was…
[ beyond words, really. he lifts his head instead… and there it is. there’s the proud smile. left hand smoothing back some of keith’s hair again, shiro leans down to touch his nose to keith’s. given all that just happened, the following nuzzle is surprisingly sweet. ]
You were wonderful.
.... /pokes ur sad cheeks
still unable to catch his breath, keith whimpers between hiccuped gasps as the stars in his vision start to settle and post euphoric lethargy spreads outwards to the tips of his fingers and toes. he blinks up blearily, heart beating too fast for comfort as he takes in shiro's proud smile. his chest feels tighter somehow like his heart is several sizes too small to contain every feeling in his soul. staring up with a hopelessly moony smile, keith lifts up an arm to drape bonelessly around shiro's neck. ]
You're wonderful. I... I can't believe how good we feel together, Shiro.
[ good. like the word comes close to doing the fluttery, contented bubbling in his soul a lick of justice. but he's rarely eloquent on a good day, and with his brain still, a wriggling pile of hormonal mush, the chances of keith finding better-suited words are nonexistent. but perhaps, the lack of eloquence is made up for by a rumbling purr. ]
... i hate that this tactic works in making the sad face less sad
Stars, Keith. [ his voice still carries that breathless quality to it, only made more breathy with a combination of awe and fondness. ] I love it when you purr.
[ it’s a comfort. a reassurance. it makes shiro want to lay his head down, curl up, and drown himself in the sound… and actually? he thinks he’ll do that. first, he dips down, nose sliding along keith’s until he gets the right angle to press a soft kiss to his mouth. short, chaste, it’s more a parting than a hello, and then shiro is shuffling down to lay his head beneath keith’s chin, ear pressed close to hear that steady pitch better. ]
And yeah. [ a quiet sigh follows, voice dreamy as he closes his eyes. ] We do fit amazingly together. Makes me think we should’ve been doing this from the beginning.
[ oh. wait. the following huff of laughter plays across keith’s skin. ]
… Actually. I guess we have been, huh?
dont be tsun
and yet, keith does nothing about it. he rolls his head back on the pillow, opening up his neck and throat, and allows the purring to fill up a brief silence. as flippant as shiro is about the subject now, it's still difficult to wrap his head around the likelihood of such a strange series of coincidences leading up to this point in their lives. too difficult really, for keith to process while his head is stuffed with floating cotton balls. ]
... yeah. Heh. But I think this is the first time you actually got me feeling a lil tired, old-timer. My balls feel so empty.
i do what i want!
words.
keith’s teasing. shiro knows he’s bullshitting the bit of challenge there; has to be, because it’s a fact that he’s depleted this boy before, back when they were both anonymous, keeping a sheet between them. first things first, though, there’s something else to focus on. ]
Old-timer? [ eyes open and lips split apart, showcasing teeth caught up in a cocky grin. ] We’re back to that name already?
[ he kisses keith again, just because he can, putting a little more force, a little more depth into it this time. he’s definitely not an old-timer – does he have to prove it again? ]
Heh… [ pulling back with a playful flick of his tongue to wet his bottom lip, chasing whatever taste there is of keith there, shiro pushes up on his hands. here, he makes a show of slowly sliding his gaze down, eyeing the flush of keith’s sweat-slick skin from collarbones to pecs to belly, where it isn’t just sweat that has him wet. ]
I know one part of you that isn’t empty. [ gently, he shuffles further, still mostly locked together but letting keith’s spine straighten, ass coming to sit more evenly on the bed. ] Even when I pull out… you’re still gonna be full of me.
no subject
momentarily derailed, and easing back into steadier breaths and relaxing, keith only manages a squirmy huff before gently planting his feet on the mattress. he tries, really tries, to pout, but simply can't stop smiling in earnest. ]
It does feel like you got me real good.
[ lifting his arm off of shiro's neck, keith walks his hand down between his legs, index mapping out the feel of their connection, prodding gently at the base of shiro'c wet cock, and the stretch of his rim. \
When you pull out, it's gonna make a mess. I doubt I can hold it all, old-timer. [ a beat, then more cyly: ] ... Daddy. If you like that one better.
no subject
until keith changes titles on him. daddy. oh. so they’re still… that’s okay… that wasn’t a one time thing…?
shiro’s very tired, very overworked cock twitches; it actually twitches and shiro swears he feels it spit out one, last drizzle of cum from somewhere. does he need to say it? is it not written all over his face? the low lashes that flutter, the soft rounding of his lips that utter oh, the heaviness of his gaze that drags like a caress up, up to keith’s face. ]
Yeah. [ breathy, too breathy. ] I like that one.
[ at least he has the decency not to embarrass either of them further by turning the question back on keith: do you still like being my baby boy? he simply assumes it, voice low with heat, despite having no real energy to follow through to anything more than a tease. ]
So what should we do, baby? Seems a shame to let my cum spill out of you.
no subject
it's funny. if asked even just yesterday, keith isn't sure he'd have called spent cum dripping out of his ass anything close to a shame. that time he'd been far too fucking out of it with mindless pleasure to stop anon emptying loads inside him, it'd felt filthy, yes, but still not a shame to be rid of all that excess slick.
but shiro thinks of it completely differently, huh? keith stops exploring, wet fingertips smearing cum and slick onto the sheet. it's not a difficult problem to resolve. if shiro wants his cum to stay inside longer, then the answer is as simple as a plug. the fact that keith knows anything at all about this stuff is cause in and of itself to be having an existential crisis, but shiro looks at him so expectantly that keith blurts: ]
You could put a plug in me?
[ starting out strong, only to end in a questioning tone as his brain catches up to the reality of what he just fucking suggested, keith goes owl-eyed and flushes a vivid pink. heart hammering so loudly in his chest that it wouldn't surprise him if shiro could hear, keith stammers: ]
I mean, I-uh... I've never put anything like that inside before, so... if you have one that isn't you know... a freaky shape?
no subject
Oh. [ a slow blink, brain so clearly processing that the words he’s hearing are actually being said. ] Yeah, I have one.
[ that isn’t freaky shaped. and yes, he unfortunately knows what constitutes as freaky shaped. ]
From, uh… one of those classes.
[ there had been a whole display table of butt plugs when he’d attended that re-entry class. how to clean things up, heh. he’d gone into that class thinking it would be a standard rundown of how to be a functioning adult with good hygiene and good maintenance, all of which shiro knew well enough from years spent at the garrison. he keeps his room tidy: always making the bed, always keeping the floor clutter free, always putting things away. it had been that, for a short while, but then the lesson had turned more toward how to clean up after sex.
at the time, he’d wrinkled his nose and squinted his dubiousness throughout the twenty minutes spent on butt plugs, but now he gets it. now he understands the practicality of using one to keep sheets and boy clean. well, cleaner.
he hasn’t used the class-given butt plug. hell, he’s hardly touched it since shoving it inside his locker at the other end of the cube. why he keeps these kinds of things, he can’t rightfully explain… but it’s a good thing that he does, he supposes, given the fact that he’s used a number of the wild items to come into his possession. ]
So – yeah. We could…
[ that heavy blush keeps shiro’s gaze and he considers it in the pause, feeling it necessary to slow the momentum and double-check, despite it being keith’s idea. ]
You’re really okay with this?
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so that leaves him with what? trepidation around novelty? maybe. but the longer he dwells on that, the more ridiculous he feels. how is it that diving off a cliff on a hoverbike had been such a thrilling prospect, but wearing a butt plug for his doting, adoring boyfriend gives him butterflies?
still pink and feeling warm and light headed, keith laughs -- mostly at himself, then manages a more casual: ]
Yeah, I am. Just... don't tell anyone about it, 'kay?
[ meaning lance, pidge, whoever else might show up from their reality. not that keith thinks shiro would go blabbing about his sex life, but that's not the point. the point is that keith needs shiro to understand that every facet of vulnerability he's allowed himself to show around shiro is just for shiro's eyes only. ]
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Okay. Your secret’s safe with me.
[ all of his secrets, really, not just the one’s happening in the bedroom. shiro knows how precious it is to be considered keith’s confidant. it took a lot of effort and a lot of understanding in the beginning, but now, they are years of progress away from the boy who once was so closed off that he was ready to be sent back to the group home. so his lips are sealed; he fully intends on keeping that trust. ]
You’ll need to help me, though. [ a smile and a gentle caress of his palm along keith’s thigh. ] The plug is in my locker.
[ meaning? shiro needs to move, which will, of course, dislodge the dam. ]
When I pull out… [ he grasps keith’s hand then, drawing it back down to their joining. ] … you stick your fingers inside to stop the spill.
no subject
Think I'm gonna need to do more than just fingers, Shiro.
[ a breath, then he flexes his abs, and hikes up a long leg, holding it flush to his torso to angle up his hips to keep gravity on his side. ]
Okay. Ready when you are.
no subject
is that a calculated effort to intentionally stroke shiro’s ego? embarrassingly, it hits its mark and shiro, intensely lizard-brained in this particular area, preens at the suggestion that he is so large that keith is stretched beyond remedy. no response comes, however, mostly due to keith hitching a leg up. still hugged inside of keith, the movement has keith’s ass flexing and muscle shifting along his shaft. depleted he may be and a touch oversensitive, too, but it has shiro shivering nonetheless, breath coming out in a whoosh of one, heavy exhale.
rebooting brain neurons that seem to have short circuited, shiro blinks lazily first and then in a quick flutter of lashes, giving himself a swift, mental shake. ]
Right. Okay.
[ adjusting his weight, he allows himself one more, full cycle of breath and then drags his hips back. he doesn’t moan, but he does grunt at the last inch, when keith’s rim gives his cockhead that final goodbye hug. air hits his slicked cock and he’s shivering anew, gaze dropping immediately to take in the sight.
holy fuck.
now he moans. keith’s hole is pink and puffy and absolutely perfect, glistening with slick and cum. too much cum. it’s right there, stuffed white inside the pucker of his rim. ]
Hurry. [ why does he sound so hoarse? ] Don’t lose any.
no subject
so much for don't lose any.
groaning, keith pushes his index inside, then quickly adds his middle and ring finger to fill out the loosened gape of his rim. biting his lower lip, keith lets his breath out slowly, testing the give of his ass with a tiny clench and moans. ]
Look what you did to me, daddy. I want you to show me sometime.
no subject
how is he so wet?
he watches keith squeeze around his own fingers and he can almost feel it, his body reacting to the phantom touch of keith wrapped around his dick. again, he shudders through a moan, only for him to stutter and stall, noise cutting off for a sharp inhale instead.
when is that word going to lose some of its power over him? ]
Keith!
[ voice hitting a scandalized pitch, shiro tries not to fall prey to it but… well, of course now he’s thinking about showing keith. he’s meant to be getting up, he reminds himself. and he does, absentmindedly and bumbling, nearly tipping off the edge of the bed before getting his foot down to the floor. but instead of thinking of his original task of fetching the butt plug, now he’s thinking of his tablet. ]
I should take a picture of you now. You look…
[ his cock hangs soft and useless between his legs, but that doesn’t mean he lacks heat. he’s warm and wanting, eyes hungry with the way he stares down at his boyfriend done up on the bed like an absolute treat. ]
Fuck. You’re gonna make me lose my mind again.
no subject
Wait, no -- don't. [ a beat. ] I'm kinda nervous about the Warden hacking into tablets and setting lewd stuff like that as the profile pics for that stupid autogenerated Tinder thing.
[ granted, keith still has zero explanation for how a close-up of his ass ended up as his first profile picture considering he's never taken a shot like that before... so perhaps in hindsight, maybe paranoia here isn't going to preserve his dignity any better?
uncertain, but not wanting to kill the atmosphere entirely, keith pauses and adds with a coy smile: ]
... bu maybe show me with a mirror?
i'm kind of upset that i didn't get this up on easter because... well. y'know.
god, he can’t even look at him without buzzing all over. he does, though; look. he still is. but here, now, he makes a conscious effort to take his fill and lift his gaze, quirking a small, regretful smile. ]
I’ll have to get one.
[ a mirror. the cube only has one: a medium sized one earthquake glued to the wall above the bathroom sink. any time shiro’s wants something smaller, he uses his tablet’s camera as a makeshift one, but well… can’t use that. ]
Next time. [ because of course there is going to be a next time. many next times. maybe even soon if keith keeps looking delectable, empty balls and soft cock be damned. huffing once, shiro takes a backward step from the bed. ]
For now… let’s get you fixed up. [ and then he’s turning with the next step, padding to the other end of the cube to get to his locker. it’s already unlocked and partially open. after a short rummaging, he finds the item of choice and then backtracks to the bed. as he approaches, he adopts a sheepish look about himself, holding the item up for an easier view. ]
Keep in mind that I didn’t choose this. Everyone in class got the same model.
[ see? not freaky shaped. just… cute shaped?? ]
LOL i suppose you were merciful to zombie jesus
sure, now he's got questions about which class shiro even attended, but an extended imagined hypothetical world in which his boyfriend is seriously into pet play fetishes only makes keith fluster. dropping that thought immediately, he instead relaxes, head resting on the pillow. ]
But you kept it, so... you must like it?
[ more teasing than serious. sometimes it's easier to just throw the random crap provided in class into a locker to rot. keith would know about that, too swallowing, keith shifts his gaze from the ceiling back to the toy in shiro's hands, assessing. it's smaller than shiro's cock for starters, which is reassuring, but he can't help wondering about how it'll feel inside. ]
Heh. What would you have picked for yourself if not?
couldn't sin too much
… that’s such a farce.
denial only works until keith asks a second question. before, shiro had given a noncommittal hum, neither confirming nor denying that must like it inquiry. put on the spot, shiro fails at maintaining that poker face, instantly giving with a blink that softens his features and has him looking younger. he doesn’t shuffle, so there’s that one, saving grace, but he does fiddle with the bunny plug, twisting it over in his hands. mouth opens, hesitation hits, and he stalls for one beat, two, before doing the foolish thing of answering honestly. ]
… There was one during class…
[ it was, unfortunately, not the model given out to the eight or so inmates who attended that lecture, but it did make the display table. he shifts onto the mattress then, crawling back between keith’s legs, the split focus helping the words come easier. ]
It had a base like a rocket ship. [ hearing himself, he has to pause and laugh. amazingly, he keeps going, though. ] It had nothing on the one taking the Persephone up, of course, but…
[ settled, shiro sits on his knees, ass resting on his heels. ]
It was kind of… I don’t know. [ a one shouldered, casual shrug. ] Fitting?
uh huh uh huh
A rocket ship?
[ forgive him for sputtering on a laugh. keith himself couldn't explain what exactly it is that's funny here. the fact space-themed sex toys exist at all, or the fact that his boyfriend is an absolutely unbelievable nerd. fuck. maybe it's both, with a sprinkling of relief from knowing that shiro isn't into pet play specifically that's gotten keith feeling particularly tickled.
whatever the case is, the belly laugh doesn't subside quickly, but keith struggles all the same to recompose himself, expression still amused but adoring as he looks up at shiro through the side split of his legs. ]
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that kind of rocket ship would have to be fitting by nature.
[ he snorts, clears his throat and gives the fingers in his ass an enticing wiggle in pseudo-apology. ]
You should have taken it if you liked it, Shiro.
at this rate, we'll be doing this thread longer than titanic
keith’s done a relatively good job of blocking the drip and flow, but that isn’t to say it isn’t a mess there anyway. scooping up the splattered mixture sticking to keith’s skin in various spots between cheeks, between thighs, shiro transfers it to the curved end of the plug. ]
And catch another misconduct for stealing? [ he catches keith’s eye around his leg. ] No thanks.
[ the last time that happened, he wound up in a dress for a week. not shiro’s opinion of a good time. besides, the opportunity is long past; not much to do about it now other than to forget it and move on. ]
This’ll have to do. [ a beat and another prod at the back of keith’s hand, bringing the plug down closer. ] So c’mon… let’s be quick with this switch. Count us down?
[ … three, two, one, blast off? yeah, truly is a shame this isn't a rocket ship. ]
ok that would make me laugh
but with nothing to gain from having this debate with shiro, keith makes a mental note to keep an eye out for this fabled rocket plug. for entirely innocent reasons, of course.
for now, he watches his boyfriend smearing slick around the plug with a mix of genuine curiosity and trepidation. despite knowing the insertion of it won't be uncomfortable so long as he stays nice and relaxed for it, it's still something new going in his ass. keith expels a huff of nervous laughter, then: ]
Okay, we'll do a countdown. If you insist, mission control.
[ why yes, keith is still a little too tickled by shiro's fondness for space-themed sex, but at least he isn't outright laughing anymore? taking a slow, deliberately deep breath, keith counts off: ]
In three, two, one... [ lift off? keith almost makes the joke, but in the moment he pulls sticky fingers free, all he manages is an audible gasp as his hole flutters and gapes. ]
we're already more than halfway there!
shiro does not.
so when that hand shifts and glistening fingers slide free, shiro notches the plug to that wet, fluttery hole, immediately picking up where keith left off. ]
We have ignition. [ a bit of pressure and the tapered end of the plug slips inside, easily fitting due to the looseness of that thoroughly fucked hole. ] And liftoff of the Bunny 1, the first of its kind to dock to the Keith Space Station.
[ it’s neither long, nor wide, so it doesn’t take long for the entirety of the plug to settle inside. shiro gives the fluff ball a brief drag of his fingers as he pulls away to survey his work. ]
Mission success… and a cute one at that. [ shifting his gaze to keith’s face, shiro quirks a hopeful smile. ] Wanna roll over and give me a full look?
listen maybe tey'll go to bed now??
the bunny`? keith space station? what the ever living fuck, and why is any of this an actual delight? the plug slots in with little resistance, though the unfamiliar shape of it makes keith squirm as shiro gives the cottontail a parting pull before release. ]
You're an unbelievable nerd, you know that? How many bunny ships are there?
[ his nerd, though and everything about his tone and sweet heart expression is another unspoken i love you. taking a moment to re-center, keith clenches experimentally, making the tail wiggle, though it remains firmly planted inside. ]
Heh. Feels kinda weird.
[ but not unpleasant, so of course, keith obliges with a roll onto his stomach and pushes himself up onto his hands and knees to rock his hips from side to side. ]
HOw's that?
i think they will. shiro needs to recharge his prince
One right now, but depending on how this launch goes… who knows.
[ truthfully, shiro hasn’t given butt plugs all that much thought, either. they’d never been a thing in his bedroom activities with adam. he’s starting to see the appeal, though, of keeping his partner full and loose. maybe bunny 2 will be a larger plug, to keep keith properly stretched so, next time, when they wake up, shiro can slip right inside. it’d be nice to fuck the drowsiness away, both of them sweet with sleep but hungry for closeness.
yes. next time. he’ll need to talk to keith about it later. for now, keith rolls over. not just that, he spoils shiro by propping himself up and wiggling his ass. this boy – fuck. shiro is deeply sated from their numerous couplings, but he’s still a very gay man with a very attractive boyfriend, so it doesn’t take more than an ass wiggle for him to want. his body will not be cooperating with his heart and brain, unfortunately, not until he’s had time to rest.
shame.
he makes an approving sound and reaches forward, catching keith at those swaying hips. a squeeze and a bracing of his arms gets them to stop. it’s then that he leans down to press a kiss to the top of his ass, right below the dimples at his lower back. ]
Very cute.
[ lifting up, shiro backs off to survey keith’s ass and… it isn’t bruised, exactly, but the redness left behind by his spanking hasn't dissipated. cute isn’t the word for how that looks. again, he’s only reminded of how exhausted he is when his dick has no energy left to even twitch at that attractive view. ]
Do you think you can sleep with it in? Because as much as I’m enjoying the view… you wore me out.
yes plug that prince in for recharging
If I don't move around too much, maybe?
[ keith wouldn't know. it's not as though he's ever conducted the experiment of falling asleep while penetrated. the number of firsts that have ome up in the last hour alone is a little staggering, though keith takes it in stride. carefully, he lowers himself down to forearms, ass nad hips still up high and caught between shiro's hands. ]
When were you thinking of taking it out?
the bunny 1 is in the way tho :c
When we wake up.
[ with that, he finally lets go of those captive hips and moves back, granting keith the space to make himself comfortable. shiro does much the same, part shuffling, part crawling to the stretch of bed beside keith. as he lies down on his side, hitting the pillow first with his hand to fluff it, shiro tacks on a sly: ]
Maybe I’ll fuck you again before we finally tidy up and become respectable prisoners again.
no subject
allowing himself go boneless for a moment, keith breathes in the faintly sweaty musk of the sheets before twisting just his face to look at his boyfriend beside him. ]
Maybe.
[ repeated with a heavy dose of exaggerated incredulity, keith reaches across to playfully swat at shiro's pec. ]
You better. Otherwise, it'll be old-timer instead of daddy from here on out.
no subject
Just for that, I’m gonna fuck you twice.
[ the would-be punishment is sounding a lot like a reward. undeterred, he laughs and lets go of keith’s hand, reaching out to trace his spine instead. ]
And because I’m such a generous daddy – [ and not old-timer. ] – I’ll let you redeem yourself with another go at riding me.
[ it’s right about then that he gets to the bottom of his spine. a quick walk of his fingers and – bop, he gives the fluff a playful tap. ]
no subject
Ah - don't. It's really sensitive, Shiro....
[ with a tiny grimace, keith carefully straightens back out, face planted in the pillow. ]
It was nice. In that position, I mean. Just kinda hard to focus because I like looking at you so much.
no subject
I like looking at you, too.
[ which means he’s often looking at keith, taking note of subtleties. now isn’t any different. as adoring as he is of that ridiculously cute fluff, shiro gives the stiffness of keith’s stretched body and the carefulness of his movements another thought. palm gingerly rested at the small of keith’s back, shiro rubs in a gentle, soothing motion. ]
We can take it out. [ especially if the oddity of it is forcing keith to consider sleeping on his belly. anticipating an immediate decline, shiro reassures with a playful: ] I’ll still give you a nice fuck in the morning… but I want you to be comfortable.
[ … and he kind of, sort of, really wants to hold keith, so if it’s the plug or spooning… well. ]
no subject
it's just... kind of amazing, isn't it? even last night the question of them having sex was still up in the air, despite a mutual agreement to at least try on keith's birthday. so the matter is completely settled between them then? a fluttery yet contented feeling settles in keiths' stomach then, a warm smile spreading as he turns his face back towards his boyfriend. ]
Good. [[ and with that, he reaches across to squeeze a muscular shoulder. ] But your Bunny1 can stay in. It's not uncomfortable. It's just -- I'm not used to moving around with something hard inside. It makes me think of you.
[ here, the smile turns a little shy, the hand tracing down shiro's arm to rest on his elbow. ]
And how good it feels when you fuck me. But I can't have that right now, so...
no subject
Sorry, baby… like I said, you wore me out.
[ a quick nap, that’s all he needs. maybe his body will kickstart awake in the middle of the night; would keith be opposed to round four then? the idea of having his sleep interrupted used to be a constant. shiro’s bout of insomnia hasn’t dissipated entirely, but he has managed to keep the worst of the nightmares away ever since keith started sharing his bed. unsurprising, he thinks, because who wouldn’t sleep well with this beautiful boy snuggled close, shiro sometimes waking to a nose at his throat and other times, coming awake to a mouth full of tangled hair. it’s more than a warm body sleeping beside him, though. it’s because it’s keith, the only one capable of pulling off the impossible feat of making shiro feel safe.
the thump-thump of his heart beats harder with this wave of fondness; heart spun, shiro is sweet and doting, leaning over to kiss keith’s shoulder. one, two and then he lets up on that hard pressure, resting his head back on the pillow, ever closer. ]
How about instead, I hold you until you fall asleep?
no subject
body going lax, he surrenders himself fully to the warm fluttering in his chest and the swoop of his stomach. it's nice. more than nice. to be getting softer kisses and affection from his boyfriend, and while it hits a diffferent kind of intensity, his whole body rumbles with a loud satisfied purr. ]
Ok. I'd like that.
[ always has, for as long as they've shared a bed. falling asleep to shiro's arms around him has quickly become keith's favorite new way of falling asleep, but it comes with one caveat that keith voices as he gently rolls onto his side, facing shiro with a smile. ]
But I wanna wake up to you holding me, too.
[ because wakign up in the middle of the night to an empty bed that time had left keith wondering where shiro had gone and who hw was sleeping with. in hindsight, it's funny to think that shiro had gone to their old glory house and they'd been together throughout, but....
with a schooch, keith throws his arm over shiro's waist possessively. ]
YOu can do that for me, right daddy?
no subject
Yeah. [ soft, breathy and highlighted with a smile. ] I can do that for you.
[ arm already draped, shiro secures the curl of that arm and brings keith closer until he is thoroughly and comfortably tucked into his chest. the sheet is… somewhere, crumbled up and kicked around from all their earlier haste. the opportunity to grab it and fix it over themselves is long gone though; no chance shiro is moving now. that's fine. shared body heat is enough with the temperature of the room.
his lips find keith's temple and then he's burying half his face back into the pillow, closing his eyes. ]
Happy birthday, Keith.
[ did he check-off everything he'd meant to? he took keith to the fair, won him a ridiculous plush, brought him home, fucked him… yeah. he even managed to fit in some spanks for the birthday boy. he should've gotten him something sweet at the fair; planned ahead with a candle or something similar and sung the familiar lines, just to hit all the traditions.
ah, well. hopefully he filled in well enough for anything keith could've wished for. ]
Sweet dreams.
JUNE EVENT; cw: linked fanart is racy bondage??
he’s seen keith, of course, but that’s the extent of it. no shared laughter, no secretive smiles, no kissing, no holding, no fucking… – there’s an awkwardness between them now, one that doesn’t pit them as strangers to one another like a break-up would, but something edging ever closer to that. it’s bringing up some sour memories. this isn’t like his break-up to adam. it’s not a break-up at all; they’re fine. but shiro does remember that ever present, anxious feeling whenever he left his newly moved into, garrison provided single-dwelling. part worried, part annoyed at the never-ending chance of running across his ex-fiancé in the halls, the cafeteria, the officer lounge.
it’s not like that with keith, he reminds himself. the stark difference here is that he wants to see keith, even though every interaction of the past week has left him hollowed out and guilty, continually at a loss of how to rectify the misunderstanding between them. the problem here is that although he does recognize that he misspoke in an explanation that didn’t explain anything at all – we weren’t ourselves, keith – there’s also a part of him that stubbornly resists any obligation to explain himself. or god forbid, apologize.
… but hell, retiring every night to this bed that is far too large now, has weakened that resistance. he’s spent more of his life sleeping alone than he has sleeping with someone beside him, so theoretically, he should be better suited to sleeping alone. he’s not. it’s always particularly difficult to relearn how to sleep alone. frankly, he doesn’t want to relearn how to do that, because there are no words to adequately describe how wonderful it is to open his eyes each morning and find his best friend snuggled against him.
he can’t endure another morning without that. he can’t toss and turn through an entire night again, either.
if he showed up at keith’s cube right now, just as he is – empty-handed and a touch droopy-eyed from another horrid night – keith would likely accept him anyway. but shiro increases his odds by first taking a shower and then heading off to the dining hall to get some food in him. though his brain tells him he doesn’t have much of an appetite, his stomach disagrees. loudly. so he goes and he gets, settling on something quick by raiding the pastries. he specifically pilfers away a few extra, thinking that a peace offering of sugary sweetness can only help his chances of getting in the door.
turns out he’s wrong, because he never gets to keith’s cube.
see, he saw the broadcast this morning. it was concerning, of course, especially the lack of details of what is deemed punishable, but having dealt with confusing, not at all reliable rules on what these aliens deem enforceable, shiro’s decided that setting things right with keith takes far more precedence than doing the prudent thing of hunkering down in his cube.
it’s a mistake.
apparently, walking out of dining with extra food is now considered an offense. hoarder, greedy, taking more than his fair share… the sentries are not having it. and so shiro lets them lead him away. anxious, but assuming it will be little more than an inconvenience of time and a slap on the wrist, shiro cooperates all the way to some new structure that is still in the process of being built. everything after that is a whirlwind of escalating atrocities.
he probably shouldn’t have busted that first sentry that tried to rough him around into following the command of full-body stripping. the remaining sentries – and a few more that appear from somewhere – are on him shortly after that, jabbing him with something that makes everything foggy and rather pleasant after that. neutralized by a drug that makes him compliant and absent of inhibitors, shiro winds up naked shortly thereafter.
mostly.
because they clap a collar on him, fasten belted ropes around him, and hook up… a contraption. if he’s so greedy for second and third helpings, then he should make no protests to whoever decides to unzip and cum dump in the funnel, right? either way, shiro’s too warm, too antsy, and too out of it to care, his muffled noises accentuated by the funnel. ]
( ooc: so the fanart but without the panties and the funnel connection is shorter? I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S WHAT THIS FANART IS SUPPOSED TO BE but let's go with that. fanart by BlopNSFW @ twitter )
how dare
of course, the two events aren't causally related, but timed one after another, it's hard not to be constantly uneasy over the escalation of dreary uncertainty. they're supposed to be stronger together, weathering whatever storms come their way, but these days they sleep apart and keep conversation at such a superficial level that keith would almost prefer not talking at all.
but that isn't what keith actually wants. he wants to be with shiro, and have his boyfriend back, even though it's unbearably lonely to be in love. because yeah, sure, neither of them were in their right minds when i love you was freely traded back and forth, but keith can't pretend that it hasn't knocked something into alignment in his soul.
in some sick way, this sudden distance is familiar. keith had never been in love with the shiro from his reality, but their friendship hasn't been the same. here in prison, it feels a lot like watching history repeat itself, slow and cruel. keith hates it with ever atom in his body, but he doesn't know how to pretend or lie about his feelings the way shiro wants him to.
so maybe the newly established warden and his ominous threats are actually a blessing in disguise. surely this warrants discussion together? long after the space wolf's fallen asleep after listening to keith talk himself in mental circles, he finally gets up. armed with nothing but speculation however, keith decides he ought to go to shiro's cube with something more useful. scoping out the new construction site that's just been rushed to completion would at least be a starting point.
it's still early enough to avoid some repercussions for breaking curfew, but with limited time on his hands, keith hurriedly makes it toward the completed construction site to find a stage. having been in porn prison long enough, keith has no doubts as to why this stage was fucking built in the first place, but soon enough it's not the assortment of horrible bondage rigs that holds his attention. ]
...Shiro?
[ keith almost doesn't recognize him because this doesn't seem like something shiro would participate in. but even uncharacteristcally posed naked, bound and gagged with some stomach-churning funnel attachment, there's no mistaking that the man on stage is shiro.
heart pounding in his chest, keith forgets everything else, pushing past a crowd of ogling inmates to elbow and muscle his way onto the stage. one word -- one sign that shiro actually wants to be here, and keith swears that he'll back the fuck off and stop acting like he has any claim to shiro in anyway, but until then: ]
Shiro!
[ trying desperately not to look in the funnel to see if it's been used or not, keith instead kneels to the ground to hold his best friends' face. the eyes are all wrong. vacant, glassy, and staring -- keith finds himself unable to breathe, think or feel anything, all sensation shattered. ]
Shiro, who did this to you?
ino. i should do better in shielding our secret fans from such eye filth
the drug has him running hot, however. so he keeps making these soft panting sounds into the mouthpiece, feeling the lightest sheen of sweat at his nape and his forehead, neither of which he can wipe away. even that doesn’t distress him. he tries, occasionally, to lift an arm to brush the wetness away, only to remember that oh yeah, he can’t move his arms. still, he doesn’t activate his galra arm to burn through the bindings. he doesn’t even think to. he doesn’t think to do much of anything except blink slow and drowsy, staring without truly seeing as minutes continue to drag and drag…
but then keith shows up.
he hears his name a few times, but it isn’t until keith is physically in front of him, so close that shiro can do nothing other than see him, that shiro finally remembers how to do something more than pant. he whines, instead.
keith. keith. he knows this boy. he loves this boy. everything is wonderful and safe and wanted when he is with keith. his brain may be too cotton-stuffed to process much of anything, but he doesn’t need to consciously think that through to know it. keith is here, which means here is where shiro wants to be.
the hands on his face are good. so good. briefly, shiro’s eyes slide shut and he sways into those hands, grabbling something that sounds suspiciously close to keith’s name. eyes reopen and even with them remaining glassy and void of sharp awareness, a hint of determination settles into his features. for the first time in hours, he shifts his body, trying to wriggle in his bindings to get closer to keith: he lean against, to bury against, to be as close as keith will allow him to be.
… which doesn’t go over well with the two sentries at the other end of the stage, which turn and begin advancing. if keith isn’t here to use the funnel, then his access to the stage is to be revoked. ]
/gets the shame bell
he never gets an answer to who did this to shiro, and that doesn't matter because that was never the right question to start with. in fact, what he should have said from the start is: ]
Shh, shh, I got you, Shiro. I'll get you away from here.
[ keith brushes shiro's sweat-dampened hair away from his forehead before reaching around to loosen the strap tied around his skull. if he'd bothered playing with these sorts of sex toys in class, maybe he could have popped that off without much fumbling. as it is, keith struggles with the buckle, overly conscientious of not hurting shiro by pinching his scalp or pulling his hair. ]
Sorry, I'm trying to get this loose ...
[ but he trilas off. heavy footsteps are approaching and while that doesn't necessarily mean anything bad as they could be coming for any of the other inmates on display, a glance up makes keith's stomach sink when he realizes they can't be so lucky.
the two sentries approach, and keith grows more agitated as he applies more force to finally get the buckle off to disconnect shiro from the blasted funnel. but with time running out, keith doesn't check in. instead his hands move down to the next belt looped around shiro's body. ]
Halt. You are not authorized to release inmate Takashi Sihrogane from his public service. Step away from the prisoner with your hands in the air.
[ keith grits his teeth, not paying the damn warning any mind. he does, however, glance up to estimate a distance. with the sentries already halfway across the stage, keith is faced with one of two options.
1) haul shiro up bodily and bolt
2) take out the two sentries, and then grab shiro.
with twenty steps left, keith scowls. neither option is looking great, of course, but that first one isn't really an option at all. how far would they even get like that? he spares a tick to kiss shiro's forehead and whispers: ]
Just hang in there a little longer.
DON'T YOU START REPEATING SHAME AT ME
keith said he’d get him away from here and so, shiro sits tight, letting keith do just that. at least until the sentries start across the staging platform. sentries, they’re bad, they put him in this position, they’re going to restrap the belt keith just got off of him…?
halt –
shiro makes a low, distressed sound in his throat and then, as he opens his mouth and works it over, stretching out the cramped way it’s been kept for hours, he manages a much more clear: ]
Keith.
[ helpful, huh? keith is turned to him again anyway, gentle in the way he kisses his forehead. ]
Inmate AA0005 is in violation of section 13-8411. Repeat, step away from the prisoner with your hands in the air. Move now or be forcibly removed from this area.
[ shiro’s almost there. he’s slowly dredging through the dope in his system, clawing his way out of the fog to begin feeling the anxiety ridden adrenaline spike necessary to finally offer him the clarity to do something other than blink slow and absent. not yet, though. he still sits there mostly bound, the only conscious thought now leading him to the faint realization that he’d been looking for keith earlier. and why had he been looking for keith earlier? ]
‘m sorry.
[ it’s mumbled and faint, not at all worthy of the apology he knows, deep down, he’s meant to give keith. ]
i suppose you are a good bean who doesn't deserve this... (cw: nsfw image link)
taken aback, keith stares for a moment, brow furrowing as he tries to work out what this apology is even for. the unspoken distance that's permeated their relationship this past week? getting keith caught up in yet another altercation with prison staff? or is there something to the possibility that shiro had been here voluntarily in search of something keith couldn't give him?
whatever the case is, keith lets the lead-weight melancholy expand in his chest for two beats before shaking his head. this isn't the time or place to be discussing much of anything. ]
Later.
[ he kisses shiro's forehead again, a quick fleeting thing, and then keith is up on his feet, taking a step away from shiro to face the two approaching sentries.
one centering breath is what keith allows himself. no room for doubt, hesitation, or mistakes. he doesn't attempt to stall or delay the confrontation by responding with an explanation of a threat of his own. instead, he charges down the stage towards the two sentries, a white light in his hands as the black bayard teleports and activates, taking the form of a familiar sword.
his first swing with the blade bisects the first sentry, its top half tumbling onto the stage in a shower of sparks and whirring circuitry. thesecond sentry meets a similar fate as keith knocks it back by impaling it through the chest plate. it goes down, voice heavily distorting as its power goes offline: ]
Inmate AA0005, drop your weapon. I repeaaaaaaat
[ keith expels a heavy breath, watching as the sensor lights in both sentries blink off and the robots lie still. maybe that'll result in misconduct, maybe it won't, but either way, keith deactivates the bayard and quickly moves back to shiro knowing that there's only a small window of time before reinforcements show up.]
C"mon.
[ but that time estimate was made with a previous warden in mind. this one, the new guy who promised there'd be more stringent crackdowns, evidently has every intention of keeping his word. keith barely makes it three steps back toward shiro when something sharp hits the back of his neck. pain shoots down his spine and keith buckles, falling onto his knees as his vision blurs and doubles.
hot. why is everything so burning hot?
from backstage, two more sentries emerge, one lowering a tranq gun as they approach. together, the two haul keith up onto his feet. keith ragdolls between the two of them, his head and body too heavy to lift or put up a proper protest as they throw him on a bondage rig. ruthless in their efficiency, the sentries secure keith's arms to the frame, before ripping off his pants and forcing his legs wide open. unable to think clearly, keith groans and whines pitifully. ]
Inmate AA0005.You have been issued an infraction. You are hereby sentenced to 24 hours of public service.
[ keith doesn't fully hear it. not really. instead he turns his face, trying to find... his bayard? no. trying to find shiro somewhere, only for his focus to snap between his legs as the sentries secure an adjustable extension for a large pistoning phallus into place. even through the drug-fueled lethargy, the sight of it awakens some primal terror. thrashing heavily in his binds, keith screams.
i would screenshot good bean but everything else about the screenshot would be incriminating
[ the situation is a precarious one. it isn’t lost on shiro completely. the apology may be said and done, but the unease stays as he watches keith dispose of the sentries with chilling efficiency. unmoved from his spot, shiro does manage a meager mustering of a smile as keith turns back to him. good job, comes to mind, but he doesn’t find the effort to move his mouth to say it. just as well, because in no time at all, something else is being ripped from his vocal cords instead. ]
No!
[ simple, yet anguished, the protest fails to make any sort of impact as keith ragdolls into a heap that is then apprehended. keith, he thinks. help him, whispers in next. reflex isn’t quick, however. he eases into his movements, as if relearning how to do something as straightforward as moving his arms to test the bindings keith didn’t finish undoing. motivation is building quickly and with each shift, the next comes easier, quicker, stronger. keith’s being hauled onto an apparatus now, groaning, whining, screaming –
there it is. there’s the spark of purple that engulfs his hand and spreads upwards, drawing lines into the metal that forms his arm. a force of will has the metal burning hotter until it simply burns through the strap. the others suffer similar fates as shiro maneuvers his hand, slicing through them.
he stumbles into his first step, but it's sheer determination that carries him through the drugs that continue to weigh his limbs and off-center his perceptions. he may be less coordinated than his usual athleticism affords him, but he’s a freight train of power as he throws his mass at the sentries now turning to him. one decapitation and one punch through… neither feel any pain, of course, and shiro is sick enough in his haze that he’s almost disappointed by that fact. how dare they touch keith. how dare they put him in this… this… ]
Fuck.
[ his foot drags against the stage in his next step, the line of which diagonals. he manages to come to keith’s side, though; he’s just not entirely there balance wise as he sways and then clamps his hands down on the rig near keith’s hip, steadying himself. he inadvertently melts part of it with his hand.
right. be careful. ]
I’ve got you.
[ it’s an echo of what keith said to him a few minutes ago. it’d almost be funny how they’re trading off in the protective role, if the situation weren’t so sickening. as it is, shiro remains somber as he slices through the metal pins holding those wrist bands, freeing keith’s hands. next is the belt around keith’s midsection and then he’s onto the fastenings around keith’s shins.
… he tries to be careful. really he does. but he’s sloppy both in his haste and in the compromise of his system. he brushes too close to keith’s left leg, the heat of his hand leaving a small, but noticeable burn. ]
LOL the secret to uncappable compliments...
panic hits harder then, chest heaving with sharp, anxious breaths even before the commotion taking place not to far away. he cracks open one eye, too dizzy to track the movements properly but his head lulls, tongue slurring the word: ]
Shiwo...
[ as metal cleaves through metal, and something heavy crashes onto the stage floor. keith struggles in his binds, at least subconsciously recognizing that he can't leave shiro to fight alone, though his efforts don't get him anywhere. dilated, unfocused eyes follow a blurry figure lit up in purple approaching the rig, but where his eyes fail him, a familiar voice brings clarity to the rising bile in his throat.
i've got you.
keith opens his mouth, slurring heavily once more as he relaxes into the rig. perhaps he shouldn't because shiro was drugged at a point too. for all keith knows, his boyfriend could well decide to take advantage of the setup, but losing himself increasingly to the heat coursing through his veins, keith arches his back and widens the spread of his legs.
....to his detriment as it turns out.
searing heat rips up his calf as keith chokes back a sob and instinctively lifts his newly freed arms to cover the scar on his cheek. ]
Shiro, please...
[ delirious in his pleading, keith grits his teeth, his burned leg shaking uncontrollably within the bind. ]
Don't... don't do this to me again.
i don't even remember what the compliment was at this point... should've capped it
shiro rips his hand away so fast, almost like he’s the one who's been burnt. he’s not, of course; quite the opposite, actually. his insides go cold instead, brittle and cracking from the immediate wave of guilt. ]
I’m sorry!
[ it hurts to even draw a breath, the vice-like grip of disdain for his own actions taking a physical toll on him. his heart, too. it feels fragile, like one wrong beat will crack it in two. ]
God, I’m sorry, Keith. I didn’t mean to, I…
[ he looks to keith’s face in the midst of those words, his own pained, but not nearly on the same level as keith’s. the rest of his apology catches in his throat and… – he doesn’t understand the depth of what he’s seeing or hearing. keith said again. don’t do this to him again. and there’s his hand on his cheek, touching the scar that’s been burned into his skin. from the war is the extent of what shiro’s ever gotten as an explanation. now though…
two pieces connect in mind and he understands a little differently, his next breath shaky with a fresh wave of anxiety and dread. this isn’t the time for an interrogation, though, especially when keith’s leg is shaking in the bind, body wrought with pain. ]
I’m sorry. [ how many times will he say it? ] I need… [ he grimaces, because that sounds wrong to say now. swallowing, shiro places his left hand on that shaking leg, trying to soothe it as much as still it. ] I need you to keep still. I’ll get you out. I’ll be more careful.
it's in the subject lines!!
whatever drug got pumped into him softens the razor-sharp edges of the memory, but that means total disembodiment. dissociation. keith drifts in and out, caught between something terrifying and the tender way shiro brushes up and down his leg. he didn't cry then, and he is't going to cry now, but the partly stifled noise keith makes is miserable as he tries to do as told. ]
Okay.... okay... it's gonna be okay...
[ murmured, keith loses sight o what that's even supposed to mean, or who it's for. it's gonna be okay hadn't done anything to soothe an enraged clone back then, but... he's not even dealing with that now, right? the muscles in his legs tense with the effort of staying still, teeth grit like that might keep the fire lighting up his leg inside contained as well.
except there's one thing that slips through the cracks. one desperate attempt to know if things really are going to be okay. ]
Love you.
you expect me to scroll???
love you.
it catches shiro off guard. shiro’s been spinning lies to himself for the past week that they weren’t themselves when they said those words. so much so that he almost has himself believing it. this is what happened last time, though. they were heavily influenced with some sort of drug. shiro isn’t nearly as compromised as he was that first time – or even what he was twenty minutes ago – but it happens anyway: his heart double-times on what has to be a flutter and then he’s slipping. slipping past reservations and self-denial, shiro stares down at keith for an extended beat of wonder and then…? he swallows hard to muzzle the guilt and breathes out: ]
Love you, too.
[ the potency of the drug is fading, has been fading, and so, it doesn’t take long for the second guessing to start. thankfully, it isn’t detrimental enough to distract him from his current task. refocusing on that helps in a number of ways, actually, to which shiro frowns and shakes his head, gaze back to keith’s leg. ]
We need to get out of here. Then we’ll talk. [ he reactivates his right hand. ] I’m going to cut it now. Stay still.
[ he is, indeed, very careful this time. as soon as he cuts through the two straps holding keith’s shins, he lets the power drain from his arm. he’s quicker now, in helping keith sit up and get off. he tugs his pants up for him because it’s faster and then – ]
Come on… I…
[ and that’s when he realizes he’s stark naked. or at least, that’s when he realizes he will remain as such, because where are his clothes? they aren’t anywhere on the stage. did the sentries take them? where would they store them? ]
Fuck, I dunno where… [ they need to get out of here, he tells himself again. keith’s safety is far more important and well – ] Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna get you somewhere safe.
[ wasting even more time isn’t an option, especially not to look for clothes. they’ve already lingered too long due to shiro’s blunder; more sentries are certain to come any second now. so shiro scoops keith up without another word, making the executive decision that keith’s burn prevents him from using that leg. logical? perhaps not, but shiro is committed, already jumping off the stage to start running. ]
ah yes... the effort...
but with drugs spinning his thoughts thorugh a blender, keith doesn't think. he waits, breath held tight in his throat, and gets back a simple love you, too that sits in his head, competing with the pain for what limited attention he has. vision still blurry, keith looks vacantly at shiro standing between his legs, unflinching even as that purple flickers back on, and attempts to smile through the mess of words that come after.
i don't know where
heh. it's only funny because keith doesn't know where either. or what he's talking about. but he understands that part about needing to go. shiro has to be safe, too, after all. not that he gets a chance to try and move himself. shiro scoops him up and though his limbs feel like lead weights, keith limply hangs on as shiro starts to run. where are they going? it doesn't matter. they're going wherever shiro thinks they should be.
and even if they never get there? ]
M'never giving up on you.
[ it's murmured sluggishly as shiro pushes through the small crowd that's gathered to take in other people's suffering on stage. the inmates don't attempt to stop them, and once they're outside, the sentries haven't regrouped just yet. it's a clear shot to the house they used to frequent, but throughout the frenzied running, keith isn't paying any mind. the one thought that's gripped his soul is to force more strength into the hand draped on shiro's shoulder.
even after they get through the door and shiro stops running to catch his breath, keith stays focused on that same thought. this is different, after all. shiro loves him back, so there won't be any falling from platforms or gradually widening voids where their friendship used to be. ]
don't judge my laziness
this isn’t necessarily about not being found, though. it’s about buying time to clear their systems and to fortify their defenses, because yeah, when they do come for them, shiro will have an easier time picking them off when they have to come through an entrance shiro has the advantage on.
so up the stairs they go and then shiro’s turning into the master suite, a very familiar bed coming into view. it’s as shabby as ever, with its dusty, mostly ripped drapes at the four corners of those canopy pillars, but at least the mattress is soft, to which he makes use of by laying keith down on it. ]
Whatever they pumped you full of needs time to work itself out of your system. So you stay here and let it do that, okay?
[ of all the times shiro’s been to this house, he’s never rifled through the dressers or the closets. it used to be someone’s residence, though, so there is the possibility that he might find clothing that’ll fit him. slim, perhaps, but he can hope. ]
I’m gonna try to find some pants and then keep watch.
[ standing there beside the bed, he hesitates, and then bends down, gently laying his left palm over the top of keith’s head in what is meant to be a stabilizing, as well as comforting gesture. ]
Everything’s gonna be fine. I’m not giving up on you, either. I’m going to keep you safe, no matter what.
i accept you okok
...at least until shiro makes the wholly rational point about leaving to go find himself some clothes and dignity. ]
Take my pants. S'too hot in here anyway.
[ fumbling to grab shiro's wrist, keith tugs his hand down his face, until his palm makes a comfortable cradle for his cheek. after an indulgent nuzzle, he wriggles, getting his feet planted on the mattresses to lift his hips up for shiro to strip off the prison-issued orange yoga pants. ]
I'm melting. Can't protect you if I'm melting.
good bc we are glued
… in a minute, apparently. is that a legitimate suggestion?
dubiously, shiro shifts his gaze lower to those prison pants, thinking only of size differences in which keith is clearly more petite. but then keith makes the executive decision of not giving shiro any time to turn him down. that ass lifts and shiro is forced to reconsider his earlier assessment: okay, keith isn’t small everywhere. ]
I’ll find you something to drink in a minute. Don’t liquify into goo just yet.
[ then he moves to grasp keith’s pants, more so for the other boy’s comfort than any small possibility that they’ll fit him. for a moment, he almost forgets. his head is overstuffed with worry – the sweating, the sentries, the state of their relationship and how they’re going to navigate all of this in the aftermath – so he doesn’t have the mental capacity to focus on everything. meaning? he grabs at the hem before he comprehends.
but then he sees it. it’s fucking right there in the ruined char of keith’s pants. he hesitates, feeling sick at the mere sight. but then he pulls himself together and works the pants down, being sure to bunch the material as best he can to minimize the fabric snagging over the burn. eventually, he gets the pants off, but he doesn’t immediately go to force them on; he merely stands beside, holding them in both hands. ]
I’ll try to find something for the burn, too. [ he doubts he can miraculously find pain medicine or a healing salve of some kind. a cool compress is probably the best he can do; how pathetic. ]
glued, taped, brainlinked.... gosh LOL
Nnngh, no Shiro -- don't go.
[ he cracks open his eyes, fumbling with an outstretched arm to hold shiro's wrist. ]
We- we haven't been together like this in a while.
[ scrambled as his thoughts are, the truth underlying it feels unshakeable. they haven't been close in some time, have they? but why? someone else was always there, never allowing them the time to talk privately?
no.
i love you.
but then shiro said it back?
keith frowns, pushing aside the inertia of his thoughts to sit up. ]
I don't wanna be alone like that again.
IS THIS A BAD THING
but keith doesn’t want him to go. he doesn’t want him to put on these pants, check the parameter, and go searching for water and bandages. so he asks himself again: what is he meant to do?
well, there’s one thing he knows he shouldn’t do: entertain this conversation that keith is starting. they need to have it, but not when keith is dazed and only partly aware of what is even happening. and yet – ]
I never should've shut you out.
[ the words come to him anyway and now there are too many building up to stop. ]
I thought… I didn't know how to handle what happened. I was – [ embarrassed, mostly; to be so wanton for something he's never craved before. ] – a coward.
[ the too small yoga pants are set down on the bed and once again, shiro crouches bedside. expression pained and voice guilty, shiro pushes back keith’s sweaty bangs. ]
I've been one for a long time.
[ he continues to be, really. because he’s steering the conversation in a certain way, focusing more on the physical, rather than the i love you and the plead to betray their own realities in order to stay together. ]
It was always going to be you to… fuck me. I wanted to choose the moment, but… well, compromised choice is the norm here. Stupid of me to expect anything different.
I SUPPOSE NOT.
coward. yea, right. hilarious.
but keith can't seem to make his llungs work right to laugh. his breathing stays quick and shallow, eyes closing as shiro puts a cool hand on his forehead. it's difficult to focus, let alone think, but keith tries anyway, brow furrowing with the effort as he pushes the raw memory of burning skin farther away.
after all, here isn't an abandoned galra facility hidden in an asteroid realities away.here is a different kind of alien facility where compromised choice is the norm and -- ]
I should've known better.
[ and isn't that the story of his fucking life? whenever it comes to shiro. not just the shiro from his reality that keith had never realized had been replaced with a clone, but this shiro too. expression falling, keith turns his face away, voice thick with regret. ]
Shoulda known. You're the last person I ever wanna do anything to that you don't want and ) - this place made me take advantage of you anyway. I thought - I really thought you liked it, but it turns out I might've raped you, and I - maybe I really do deserve to be here.
YOU DONT SOUND ENTHUSED, which will only anger the brainlink
– I might've raped you –
it's akin to being slapped. that word. that god awful word. not just that, either, but that word in keith's voice, so guilty, so distressed, so self-loathing…
expectation changes and the plan is rewritten in an instant. the gentleness is gone from his voice, as well as his face. the steadiness of his patience breaks and then words are spilling out, every syllable firm with unquestionable certainty. ]
You did not rape me.
[ he fails in masking his frustration. it isn't wholly directed at keith. per usual, most of it is reserved for himself. he used to be better at this; at controlling his emotions and ensuring others saw only what he deemed acceptable to show. is it the lingering trace of drugs in his system that makes him sloppy? the anxiety fueled adrenaline of their situation? or is it simply because he lacks the restraint when it comes to keith? keith, who is both his strength and his weakness, the balance between the two so precarious that shiro is often fighting within himself, trying to find his own footing.
he shouldn't be surprised. that's what love does to a person.
clenching his jaw tight in the aftermath of spitting out that dirty word, shiro gnashes his teeth until they hurt and then, only then, is he able to bring himself back into check for a conscious calming of his voice. ]
I wanted you. [ not the entire truth, he tells himself. ] I want you still.
[ remember his plan to let keith look away and collect himself, as shiro slowly coaxes him into looking at him again? so much for that. shiro grasps keith by the chin and turns his face toward him, because as much as he wants to say it's for keith, the move is mostly for shiro. shiro needs the connection. he needs to erase those ill thoughts from keith's head and replace them with understanding and truth. as shiro should have done from the beginning. fuck, just… has keith been toiling over this idea of raping him for the entire week…?
remorse thickens his voice again, everything heavy and slow like molasses. not due to hesitation this time, but the weight of his own damnation. ]
You were so good to me, baby. So gentle, so caring… don't you dare think any part of it was… [ unwanted. unreciprocated. rape. ] – that. You'd never do something like that to me. [ his hand moves from his chin to his cheek, keeping keith turned toward him with a curl of his fingers and a caress of his thumb. ] Because you're good. So good to me.
[ here's the waver. just a moment of hesitation. even now, it's difficult for him to be wholly honest with himself, as he distances his own desires from that of responsibility. ultimately, it is responsibility that wins… but it's responsibility to keith, not to voltron and not to his own reality. ]
That's why I love you. I love you so much, baby… I meant it then and I mean it now. That hasn't changed.
SCREAMING?!
nothing trips keith over his own thoughts like that one does. for all that he hates the way reparacija operates, where would the best relationship of his life be without it? if they could be free tomorrow, but never see each other again, would he really be able to turn his back on this codemned hell hole? is itbad that doesn't have a fucking answer? and what does it say about him that when shiro forces him to hold eye contact that keith crumbles under the knowledge that he doesn't want shiro to leave him behind?
you were so good to me, so caring.... that's why i love you.
heart squeezing painfully tight, keith looks up at shiro with growing despondence. ]
But... but I'm not. I'm not good to you.
[ gingerly, keith wraps his fingers around shiro's wrist, holding on in silent desperation. ]
If I could, I'd keep you with me. Even if it means being stuck in this horrible place.
[ hell, even if it means falling from a platform to oblivion. ]
shhhh everything is fine. we get to have good food today
i’m not good to you.
– but not when he’s on this side of it. self-deprecation and self-sacrifice are habitual things shiro is, unfortunately, well-versed in. of course he realizes that every time he distances himself from keith for one reason or another, it’s frustrating to keith. painful, too, but he’s always thought it to be a pain born from being denied what he wants in the moment. it hurts for another reason, though, huh? it actually hurts to sit here and listen, watch, feel keith closing in on himself with bitter words.
shiro has many regrets, some too traumatic to even begin to put into words, this here, though? this he can verbalize: he’s the one who is not good to keith. keith deserves better than someone who can’t get his thoughts and emotions in check. someone who can be open and honest from the beginning. someone who isn’t perpetually torn between love and obligation. someone who –
fuck, he’s doing it again.
if i could, i’d keep you with me.
as self-serving as it feels, like he’s the one getting the better end of the bargain, shiro banishes the temptation to talk himself down into a black hole of loathing, instead putting all of his focus back where it belongs: on keith. his smile is bittersweet, his expression never progressing further than what can only be deemed apologetic. his touch continues to be steady and sweet however, thumb scooting across his cheek again. ]
We can’t stay here, sweetheart.
[ punishment looms. they may not be able to escape being discovered for their latest acts, but they can’t keep doing this. they can’t settle for compromised autonomy and a small, secluded world. shiro’s drive to explore and experience the unknown may have darkened somewhat from what it used to be, but keith… fuck, shiro can’t stomach the thought of someone as beautiful and vibrant as this boy being locked up forever. keith is meant to soar, not to have his wings clipped so readily.
taking a breath, shiro forces his voice lighter, hope and encouragement coloring his next words. ]
But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep me.
[ another caress of his thumb and then he bows a little closer, voice softening as though sharing a secret. ]
… You promised, remember? I’m counting on you to help me figure this out… because I need you just as much.
._. !!!!!!!!
but even knowing all that, it's hard not to be selfish in his reflections of the aftermath. separated from his boyfriend by entire realities, forever haunted by the white-haired version of the shiro in his reality of all the things they could have been but never were.
shiro's hand is a warm constant on his face, and keith blinks slow through the rest of his words. leaving porn prison and keeping shiro has always been at odds with each other, if only because the end goal of escaping here is an inevitable return to their respective realities. or at least, it had always been one and the same because abandoning their realities had been utterly unthinkable.
up until now, that is. shiro comes closer and an impossibly heavy weight comes off keith's soul as the unthinkable is allowed, even briefly, to become thinkable. eyes widening, keith stares up, his grip inadvertently going slack on his boy's wrist. ]
... You really mean that? It's not something messed up in your system again?
ROFL it's so sad... i'm still laughing/crying over the chances of that happening
… supposedly. it’s clear that the drugs are still potent in this boy’s system. is keith even capable of fully comprehending, as well as remembering all of this when he’s no longer compromised?
uncertain, but having no alternative, because he can’t simply stop now, shiro keeps his hand at keith’s face and lifts his other, gently pulling that loosened grip looser. ]
I really mean it.
[ he doesn’t look away from that wide-eyed stare, making sure that the meaning of those words hit their point and sink in. as for keith’s hand, shiro takes those slackened fingers and holds them, resting their combined hands over keith’s sternum. it’s a slight criss crossing of limbs, but shiro likes having all the points of contact, hoping that keith feels as grounded as he does in the moment. ]
I want us to be together.
/kicks the universe another time
but words are easy, actions are not. if shiro truly wants them to be together, then this past week of intangible distance shouldn't have happened. the contradiction picks and picks away at the back of keith's skull until doubt dims the warmth of his adoration. ]
But you were mad at me, right? For what I did to you?
[ rape, that is. the sole reason keith avoids using the ugly word again is down to the intensity of shiro's reaction the first time. ]
I... I don't know how to make things right, Shiro.
IT'S OKAY THO. in a few days...
they’ll talk about this again, he knows. once keith is clear-headed. once neither of them are stripped down in a horridly uncertain situation. and once they’re free of the overreaching danger of being discovered and subsequently punished. maybe then it won’t be such a battle for shiro to convince keith that his intentions are genuine. for now, though, he tries his best to settle keith just enough to put a crack in that doubt.
and the quickest way to do that? he leans down and takes a kiss from his mouth, resting solid and resting heavy, to make keith really feel the weight of everything shiro is feeling. no open mouth and no tongue, just a firm meeting of their lips as shiro holds and holds, breaking away after a few, long beats. ]
I’m not mad. [ wait. that’s not entirely true. ] Not at you.
[ better. he sighs again, still keeping all points of contact between them. ]
I’m mad that I’m an idiot when it comes to you.
[ he used to be so much better at this. oddly enough, he was better at managing their relationship when they hardly had one; back in the garrison days, when he was diligently working at gaining this disgruntled kid’s trust. now… sometimes shiro truly believes that everything that’s happened to him has damaged him beyond repair.
or maybe that’s a scapegoat. afterall, his track record for love isn’t stellar. can he honestly say that he was open and honest with adam in all aspects of their relationship, too? that he was always understanding and patient? for how readily available he makes himself to building people up when they need it, does he truly know how to love unconditionally? maybe not, he thinks… but he’s learning. he’s trying. he already loves this boy, he knows it, he feels it. he just… needs to love him better.
god, even in the privacy of his own head, that sounds stupid enough for him to be embarrassed by it. it’s true, though. keith is it for him and one day, shiro is going to make him believe it. ]
I know I haven’t given you enough reason to believe me, but try to, baby. I love you.
MANN HOW HAS IT BEEN MONTHS...
shiro loves him -- that's what keith has to focus on. it still doesn't process quite right though, because the difference between the euphoria he'd felt that first time he heard shiro say those words and the misery he feels now may as well be a chasm. perhaps the issue is as simple as not knowing what it's like to truly feel loved by shiro. that first high was spun out of control by potpourri, and this low isn't free of chemical influence either.
expression crumpling, keith takes a deep stabilizing breath and recomposes. ]
And I love you.
[ a beat. ]
But I still did things to you that you didn't want and it made you change. Even if you still love me, it's different, isn't it? This place used me to hurt you and I'm not safe for you to be around.
holy crap, it really has been months LOL
and that is precisely why they can’t stay here. shiro thinks it, but he doesn’t say it. not again. they keep doing this; rounding back to the same arguments, seemingly arguing for the sake of it because neither of them can be swayed from their positions. once more, shiro wonders if this is how keith has felt every time shiro has talked himself down, too deep in his own self-reprimand that even the kindest words can’t pull him free.
perhaps it’s time for a refresher on that. ]
I'm not safe for you to be around, either.
[ and the most damning part about that? shiro can’t attribute all of it to this place as keith can. remember the simulator? remember half an hour ago? a lot of it has been the fault of this god awful place, that’s true, but shiro’s weapon of choice is very much attached to him. it will always be with him. and when he’s perpetually on a trigger with no certain idea of what will set him off on a panic attack… who’s to say he won’t go blind and deaf to reality again? what if he gets stuck in his head and he attacks keith again? what if, next time, he uses his arm as more than a threat?
and hell, even when he’s trying to help him, he still hurts him.
that is a lot of what ifs. he’s been afraid of what ifs for a long time, so often creating a cage for himself to measure and restrain his own wants and needs in order to maintain some illusion of control. he thought he could live that. he was committed to living like that, but…
keith. keith has been challenging him from the very beginning, coaxing him over and over to reevaluate what he’s deemed acceptable for himself. ]
I changed long before any of this… but you love me in spite of that.
[ again, he swipes his fingers along keith’s face, pushing hair aside and mapping, slowly, the shape of his temple to cheek to jaw. ]
I love you. The only thing about that that has changed is that I am in love with you. And now that I am, it will never change again.
/o\
but life isn't so simple. after all, it isn't just in this messed up prison that keith's love of shiro has been warped to some other cruel end. it's back home, too, where keith being too blind to see the truth of what happened to his best friend has hurt him -- hurt them, perhaps irreparably. keith certainly has the scars to show for it.
and now what? because shiro cares -- loves him enough not to abandon him on a bondage rig to be displayed for public use, shiro has to suffer the consequences of destroying the sentries that keith couldn't finish off in the first place?
is love supposed to trap people in cycles of mutual pain and suffering? or is it simply something about keith that drags shiro down -- not just in his home reality, but every reality? the question hurts his head, compounding the dull throb at the base of his skull, and suddenly keith is more tired than he's ever felt in his life.
struggling through the disorientation of the drugs that want him lying flat and spread on the bed, keith slowly sits himself up and settles with his head pressed to the wall. ]
... and I love you. More than I could ever love anyone else in this whole universe.
[ the smile he manages is weak, and holds only for a beat before it falls away for something hollow. ]
But maybe..... maybe that's not such a good thing. If we keep hurting each other... [ he pauses, swallowing hard through the tightness in his throat. ] Maybe we're just not good for each other. I'm tired, Shiro. I'm so tired of messing things up with you. I- I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.
i'm still gutted over keith's thoughts ._.
fuck.
eventually, keith begins to move. shiro is right there to help with gentle hands, his touch staying even as keith finds support against the wall. the pressure of his hands becomes even softer, sweeter when keith reaffirms what shiro already knows and already treasures. i love you. thumbs brush for a stroke and then backtrack for a caress, that small, semi-weak smile drawing a sunnier one from shiro himself, like he’s trying to encourage keith into gifting him a wider one.
maybe we’re just not good for each other.
the smile turns static and brittle, souring right off of his face as shock has lips parting and eyes widening. the caresses stop, too. abruptly, he lets go, hands hovering over their placements for an extended beat before shiro pulls them back toward himself. confusion takes over quickly, his expression turned lost and uncertain, brow furrowed so harshly that he develops deep lines.
what? that’s the one resounding thought that dominates his brain, everything in him searching for an answer, only to come up completely empty. how did it come to this so quickly? he can’t say the concept of them being better off not romantically involved is entirely out of left field, but from keith it is. keith is the one who fights so hard to keep them together, not just here, but back in their own realities. keith is the one who doesn’t know how to give up on them. keith is the one who is supposed to chase after shiro, not walk away from him.
fuck, that last one is a bit cruel, isn’t it? maybe shiro really is bad for keith if he can formulate such a selfish expectation. relationships are meant to be balanced. equal. can shiro honestly say he’s shown keith as much love, respect, and consideration that keith has shown him time and time again? ]
No. [ he can’t. but also, no, he isn’t going to let that be the summation of their relationship. shiro can change; he has changed. the time of walking away has long passed. they’re in too deep. shiro is in too deep. ] You are not giving up on us.
[ reaching across, he takes keith’s hands in his, squeezing with meaning. ]
We overcome everything thrown at us, because we're stronger together. I don't want… [ a slight pause, his expression hardening with determination. ] I refuse to give up on what we have. Life is made better by you being in it, by being able to love you, so please… [ he squeezes again, giving his captured hands a little shake. ] … don’t let this defeat us.
shhh, he'll be fine. eventally
maybe it has nothing to do with anything physical. it takes so little of shiro's distress for keith to be moved into action, even if he has no idea what the hell action he ought to take.]
I don't like this either, Shiro. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd become a paladin and help people across the universe live free. I never thought I'd get to meet my mom or - or meet so many other incredible people. But even with all that, you're the most important thing that's ever happened to me and I think no matter what happens, I'll always be yours.
[ keith huffs, managing yet another small smile as he gives their clasped hands a long look. ]
And the fact that I got to call you mine, even for a little while, feels like the most amazing thing I've ever done. Crazy, huh? Flying in a sentient lion at faster-than-light speed doesn't even come close to making me feel as good as getting to hold your hand or seeing your smile when I call you babe.
[ with his voice threatening to crack, krith closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. willing himself to stay level, he squeezes shiro's hands and keeps his voice soft and low. ]
...but deep down, I think you know I'm not good for you. I can't think straight when it comes to you, and it always leads to hurting you, even though that's the last thing I fucking want. That's why you kept your distance, right? To protect yourself? So just... keep doing it. I can't run. I can't fight. But you can. There's no reason that you should get caught and punished by the warden. Let me just take the fall.
it's been three years of hating that word. i continue to hate it.
but they do, because shiro can’t bring himself to shush keith. he’s a glutton for things like you’re the most important thing that’s ever happened to me and i’ll always be yours and i got to call you mine. got to? get to. the warning bells grow a little louder in the wake of that, but he still can’t stop him, simply sitting there as he waits for the other shoe to drop.
and it does.
funnily enough, keith has it wrong. i think you know i’m no good for you. funnily enough, shiro is one of the few who has never thought that. he’s been warned many times, though. the facility of a junior high years ago when he showed interest. the disciplinary office personnel when he vouched yet again. a certain commander of galaxy garrison when he started toeing the line of mentorship. a cadet speaking far too candidly when shiro began to fail at curbing his favoritism. a neglected fiancé when he returned from yet another hoverbike outing. even a few paladins have grumbled in the aftermath of a disagreement. but shiro? no. never. shiro has never been able to be convinced away from keith by anyone and he isn’t about to start listening about his apparent blindspot, even when the warnings come from keith directly.
it may have worked in the beginning of their captivity, when shiro was looking for support and reason to keep distance. see, he tried to stay away here at prison, not due to believing keith to be no good for him, but because he’s too good. too precious. too essential to shiro’s stability and happiness as a whole, that he’s been afraid to damage any part of their friendship.
but they’re beyond that now. if anything, parting now, under these circumstances, would ensure what shiro has tried to avoid: the destruction of their friendship.
that’s why you kept your distance, right?
to protect yourself?
he’s begun shaking his head, slowly at first with a disbelief that keeps him unblinking and staring.
i can’t run.
i can’t fight.
the shaking picks up.
let me just take the fall.
this absolute imbecile. shock stills his tongue, but horror shakes him loose, right onto a spike in exasperation that leaves him frustrated and panicked, two emotions that loosen his tongue. he’s one breath away from calling this idiot boy exactly that, but as impeccable timing goes, it’s at that precise moment that there’s a crash downstairs, followed by the unmistakable clatter of mechanical parts lugging around. it seems their time has run out. ]
Fuck. [ he squeezes hard at keith’s hands, momentarily defeated by their inevitable discovery and so, helplessly trying to siphon off as much strength as he can off of their connection. he composes himself as best he can and then shakes his head, drawing a breath before pulling his hands from keith’s to cup his face, encouraging him to look at him. ]
I am not abandoning you. [ it’s said firmly, nothing in his tone allowing for an argument. ] It’s you and me ‘til the end.
[ and then he steals a kiss. one, two, and suddenly, there’s a flash of light in the room. adrenaline has him ripping away from keith and standing up, turned and already poised for a fight when his gaze lands on – ]
Holy shit, am I glad to see you.
[ the space wolf is standing there, eyes swiveling from shiro to keith, and once there, they don’t stray again as the animal immediately clamors closer, nearly knocking shiro out of the way as he hops up on the bed. keith has told him time and time again that the space wolf is an intelligent being. admittedly, shiro has witnessed the intelligence himself, but here is the first time that he really sees how meticulous and understanding the animal is as he carefully moves around keith, sniffing and looking him over, as if cataloguing everything that is different about his friend. ]
He’s been drugged. We need to get him out of here. [ that doesn’t make the space wolf move any faster, not when those yellowed eyes are now on the burn of keith’s leg. shiro grimaces and then shrinks under the gaze that snaps up, settling on him. ] I know, I’m sorry… but please, you can take him somewhere safe.
no subject
it isn't, of course, because reparacija by nature stands to benefit more from repeated violations of their bodies than it does their deaths, but the prospect of being strung up on that stage pumped full of mind-melting aphrodisiac to drown out the outrage of their abuse isn't much of a consolation.
shiro could still escape that imminent punishment perhaps he can't avoid the indignity of porn prison indefinitely, considering the way misconducts are issued, but at least he wouldn't have to suffer more than he already has for this one day.
before keith can articulate any of that, there's a familiar flash of light and a space wolf sidling up close to come look him over. despite the horrid state keith is in, it's impossible not to smile when his wolf friend sniffs at his face. keith has always been amazed by how smart and expressive the space wolf is, making his displeasure with the angry burn perfectly known. shiro's apology earns a disapproving whuffle, which keith tries to ease away with a gentle rub at his neck.]
It's okay, buddy. It was just an accident. We have to get away from here.
[ the wolf shifts his gaze to keith, head tilted skeptically as if trying to work out what possible chain of events led up toshiro missing his pants, a burn on keith's leg and a stampede of sentries donstairs, but quickly lets out a second discontented whuffle.
edging forward, the space wolf gets his teeth on shiro's metal arm while keeping a paw on keith's foot. before anyone gets to complain about it, the worn down bedroom disappears in a flash of light, and the trio reappear at the northeastern section of the prison where the prison yard meets the barrier. ]
Woah...
[ freshly dsoriented, keith blinks then shakily gets to his knees. the wolf meanwhile has yet to release shiro's metal hand and tugs very insistently to direct his attention towards a sizable crawlspace in the barrier through which the world beyond the prison walls can be seen. far from anything idlyllic, their first glimpse at freedom on this planet looks like an abandoned, torn up parkin lot.
following the wolf's direction, keith hunkers down, gasps then nervously looks up to shiro. ]
Could be dangerous out there, Shiro....
[ the little reconnaissance they've been able to do with the space wolf's assistance hadn't exactly pointed to anything habitable, but who knows what this planet could be beyond the immediate prison perimeter? at the very least, between them they really ought to havea. full set of clothes and shoes. ]
no subject
woah.
shiro looks to keith, heart lurching and feet already stumbling to cross the little distance… but then he’s being tugged by the hand and – what? shiro sends an exasperated look at the space wolf and then beyond him when he’s rebuffed with another tug.
there’s an opening.
more specifically, there’s an opening in the fence that they can fit through.
freedom. this is what they’ve wanted for so long, that now that it’s right there, shiro is, oddly, struck with a temporary sense of paralysis. could be dangerous? yeah. they used to know what they were in for. as unpredictable as the prison could be, there was some semblance of order that made life manageable. now though… it’s deteriorated into something else. so – dangerous out there? ]
Probably is, but we’ve got a better chance out there than we do in here.
[ he moves to make a gesture with his hands, only to find that, right, he’s still a chew toy. he tugs experimentally. dude, let go…? shiro frowns at the space wolf, even as he compliments: ]
The wolf and I are tough, though, right boy? [ another tug and this time, the space wolf lets go after a mouth full of woof. shiro extends and curls his metal fingers, ensuring that, no, pointy space wolf teeth did not tweak any panels or gears. he steps closer then, dropping into a crouch beside keith. ] We’ll handle everything until you get your bearings back.
[ a pause, expression tightening with concern and a tentativeness that seeps into his voice. ]
Though… I need you to do one thing for me first. [ command the space wolf to zap to his cube and gather together two full outfits for them both? who knows how much time they actually have. minutes? seconds? the sooner they’re out, the safer they’ll be. probably better they aren’t running around in prison garb anyway. ] Think you can crawl through on your own?
[ because it’s rather narrow, even for one person. through the fence and to an abysmal slab of asphalt; the building that borders it is similarly empty, at least it appears so from this angle. all is quiet, and shiro wishes to say that it's comforting to think that no one will be privy to them shimmying through a break in the parameter, but it’s almost as alarming to believe that it can be that easy. ]
( ooc: so i don't forget: the parking lot )
no subject
it's just... so sudden and seemingly so easy.
frowning, keith glances through the hole in the barrier to look at the uninviting, abandoned landscape beyond the prison walls. perhaps it won't be so easy once they're out there without any supplies and without a full set of clothes between them, but as his gaze shifts back to shiro, keith finds himself nodding.
if shiro wants to do this, then keith isn't about to be the one to stop him. after all, shiro's been in this place before, hasn't he? escaping from alien imprisonment with an uncertain future lying in wait had to have been terrifying, but shiro doesn't seem nervous here at all. his best friend has always been brave in the face of the unknown,, huh... ]
Yeah. Just wish we had some supplies.
[ hurriedly quashing a surge in feeling, keith tips forward onto his hands and knees and starts to crawl through the narrow space. no questions asked, no more doubts raised -- just unshakily forward. the crawlspace itself is narrow, but isn't more than a foot long. pushing through the deadweight of his limbs, keith crawls through as fast as he can, emerging on the other side of the opaque barrier with a disoriented blink as he dusts off his hands and knees. the asphalt beneath his feet is in dire need of maintenance, and so is the nearest structure in the distance. keith stares, the eerie unnatural silence of the world thick in his ears, then quickly shuffles to the side to make room for shiro and the wolf.
keith doesn't dare say a word, like breaking the silence might cause something out there to stir, but with his heart hammering away in his chest, he remains tense and unable to relax until both shiro and the wolf make it through. ]
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon..
[ he mouths the words silently as two ticks pass by with no sign of either shiro or the wolf. the opacity of the barrier works against him here, with panic threatening to overtake until shiro squeezes his way through the tight fit. keith finally exhales, hurriedly reaching to take shiro's hand, but then: ]
...where's the wolf?
[ but perhaps he needn't have worried. another moment and the wolf pushes a satchel stuffed with instant noodles and a hodgepodge of clothes through and emerges on the other side. the wolf gives himself a vigorous shake and trots over to keith's side for a nuzzle.
they're far from being free. reparacija is a foot away, after all. but standing on the other side of the barrier for the first time with shiro and the wolf is almost overwhelming anyway. keith looks from one to the other, disbelief written on his face before he simply says: ]
...Wow.
no subject
lube– there are a number of things that shiro would have packed tightly into a backpack if he’d awoken this morning with any indication that today would be the day they slipped free. as it is, shiro is tragically unprepared, to the point that it is grimly amusing in its utter ludicrousness. he has nothing at his disposal. he doesn’t even have clothes. completely bare and completely exposed, the only usefulness he brings to this escape is the strength of his body. knowing that, shiro is quick to prove that by following hot on keith’s heels. through the fence and to the other side, shiro tries to keep a level-head – because that is also something he can provide if he focuses – but no, he’s failing on that front, too. he should be keeping surveillance. immediately, he should be taking stock of their surroundings more than a too quick glance around.see, shiro’s distraction is that keith is on his feet. shiro, who is perpetually on edge when it comes to keith’s wellbeing, finds himself watching his boyfriend instead. he’s fine. he’s stable. he isn’t swaying or tumbling over. shiro doesn’t need to be tense, ready to spring into action for a catch. still, let it be known that he has yet to let go of keith’s hand.
where’s the wolf?
the what – oh. shiro glances to the torn fence, opening his mouth for a defaulted he’s coming, don’t worry that he hopes is actually true, only to snap his lps together over a click of his teeth when a blue hairball squeezes through. it is at that moment that shiro releases keith’s hand, partly due to the space wolf crowding keith and, in no uncertain terms, making it known that this is his human to look after, mr.-leg-burner. the other partly has to do with the satchel of goodies. food and clothes, that’s two things off the list, the latter especially welcome as shiro digs through to pull on pants, boots and the first shirt he happens to grab.
which, as luck would have it, is actually keith’s. it stretches, but it’s definitely a fitted tank now.
wow.
no, keith is not talking about shiro. shiro slings the satchel’s strap over his head and around an arm, securing it to rest across his body. a chunk of broken asphalt crunches under his boot with his first step and those blue ears flick toward him, furry face turning toward him in the next beat. shiro musters a smile and it must be adequate enough, because he’s allowed to sidle in close to their favorite boy. he touches keith’s shoulder with tempered gentleness, the rush needed for the seriousness of their situation momentarily absent. ]
I’ll give you a better sightseeing tour. [ he quirks a smile and then crouches down, indicating for keith to drape over his back. ] Climb aboard.
[ and after being especially careful in the placement of keith’s burn as he lifts his precious cargo, they’re off. the space wolf trots ahead, playing leader. shiro doesn’t mind at all. he imagines a celestial being like the wolf has more finely tuned senses that he can't even begin to understand, meaning it’s likely safer to trust those instincts and faculties than it is for shiro to pick a direction and hope for the best. across cracked streets, through abandoned neighborhoods and further still, to bypass buildings that are as eerily quiet as everything else has been, the trio walk and walk and walk.
shiro loses track of time. the more distance they cover, the better, so he voices no complaints, even as his lower back aches and his arms strain. keith says something about putting him down at one point, that he’s fine and he can walk on his own, but shiro counters that having keith wrapped around him is the highest form of motivation to keep moving. the protests are quiet after that.
they’re losing light by the time they find a place. they’ve been off the road for a good while now, but until recently, they’d been parallel to it. now, they’re something close to a mile perpendicular to it. the space wolf has, periodically been zapping here and there, seemingly scouting ahead to adjust their trajectory and so, he must’ve found this shack during one of those jumps. it isn’t great, but it’s better than huddling together tonight, out in the open.
the door takes some shouldering – after setting keith down – and then they’re inside, promptly taking over what shiro hopes is an abandoned would-be shelter. time lapses with chores after that: taking inventory of both the room and the satchel, mostly, though shiro does leave for a short while, to check the perimeter and familiarize himself with an exit strategy if the worst happens. he comes back to keith and the space wolf settled in, the stove unlit due to an agreement that it’d be safer to keep a low profile. which means they’ll be getting cozy tonight.
usually, the thought would have him smiling, but after the turmoil of their last intimacy, hesitance plagues his confidence. ]
Looks good out there. [ he pulls the door shut, the desk lamp providing enough light that keith is bathed in a soft glow. ] We should keep moving tomorrow and put more distance between us and the prison, but I think we’ll be okay here for a few hours of shut eye. [ and even though he asked earlier, he asks again: ] How are you feeling?
no subject
not that thinking this way accelerates the elimination of unknown drugs from his system, but there's something profound about the idea that this could be the last time they're ever hurt or abused in this way. from here on out, their lives could be fully back in their hands. no more random aphrodisiacs, no more flying rocket dildos, just ... a whole lot of silence in a desolate world.
but it's their world for now, and the future is at least something they can navigate together as a team. it's kind of breathtaking and exhausting to stare at all the fucked up things that were routinely part of their lives that are potentially part of a closed chapter. his head gets lost in thoughts like that while his body gently rocks in time with shiro's movements. hell, he might've even drifted off at some pointt, only to blink back into wakefulness a few ticks later.
keeping track of anything important is difficult while there's still fog in his head, but keith trie sanyway up to the point where the wolf and shiro decide to take shelter in a shack.mercifully, walking is a little easier when he's placed back down on his feet, and by the time they've figured out what resources they have available and shiro goes for his perimeter check, keith settles on the edge of the bed and opens up a prison branded "cock in a sock" sausage snack for the wolf to eat. again, the fact that this had all been entirely normal feels entirel unreal.
his brow stays furrwed by the time shiro returns, though he looks up with a half smile. ]
I feel...
[ good. the answer is good. nice and simple, then they can just ove on without getting embroiled in an emotional minefield, right? giving the wolf
a final pet around the ears, keith drops the sausage to the floor and heaves a deeper breath. ]
...I feel like I should be asking you that question. You were carrying me for a while. You gotta be pretty sore, right? Let me at least rub your back and shoulders.
no subject
wait.
back it up.
say that again.
the shaking comes to an abrupt stop, his head slightly off-center so that he isn’t facing keith directly. a hard blink, as if recalibrating, and then he jerks his head back to the midline, eyes a little wider, a little fuller, a little spark of hope making them brighter. ]
Oh.
[ there’s a swift, mental kick to reset his slow as molasse brain. ]
Yeah. [ quicker now. ] Excruciatingly sore. [ and uplifted, too. hope makes him sound more present in the moment. happier. his confidence is yet to fully recover, but the next steps he take aren’t as tentative as before. there’s a surety to the way he walks to the bed and sits down a small space away, smile close to teasing. ] You might have to work on me for awhile.
no subject
That's okay. I don't mind.
[ with how long shiro had been carrying him, keith wouldn't have complained about paying him back with a lengthy massage anyway. so with shiro seated on the edge of the bed, keith crawls up on top of the sheets and takes his spot kneeling behind shiro's back.
keith gets one hand on shiro's shoulder, then the other, and heaves a deep breath as he squeezes, slowly working his way close to the midline where he carefully presses his thumbs into the tight spaces between vertebrae. it's no surprise that working out the little knots in shiro's muscles is oddly relaxing -- touching shiro has been soothing for as long as keith can remember, even before things between them became far more sexual in nature.
but that's part of what's confusing, too. porn prison has normalized a lot of messed up things, but it's also what led to them sleeping together n the first place. now that they don't have sentence sheets looming over their heads,what does that mean for the two of them now? can they even be a couple, much less a normal couple? how many other couples have dealt with aphrodisiac-fueled rape, anyway.....
smile fading fast, keith is at least comforted by the fact that shiro can't see his face, but even that's barely any consolation. shiro has made it plain that he doesn't want keith thinking of the last time they had sex in those terms, but the forgiveness still feels deeply unearned.
but despite being arguably unworthy, keith takes a deep breath, the slides his hands under shiro's arms to embrace him tightly from behind. eyes closed, keith presses his forehead to the nape of shiro's neck and murmurs quietly: ]
...I know bigger things are going on right now, so I'm sorry -- I just need to know. Now that we don't have sentence sheets or anything... are we.... done with all of that?
i feel like nothing happens in this tag l:
it isn’t just the hours of carrying keith on his back. shiro has knots upon knots from the routine taxation of his body, both from simply working out and from carrying a metal weight on his right. the prosthetic is heavy. it requires upper body strength, as well as a strong core, to keep the weight from continually pitching him to the right. stress is, of course, another factor that keeps him tense, too. so there is no shortage of sore muscle for keith to find with those lovely, glove enhanced hands of his.
it’s such a shame that it ends so soon.
arms slip around and in, wrapping at his torso. a squeeze brings keith’s closer and they’re there again: keith draped against his back. well, perhaps less draping and more hugging. shiro opens his eyes and looks down at the grasping of keith’s hands, soon bringing his left up to cover one of keith’s. his thumb picks up an almost automatic caress, back and forth, back and forth skimming knuckle as he watches for one beat, two, and then carefully turns his head. he doesn’t want to dislodge keith in any way, so he doesn’t crane as much as he can. just enough to manage a slight peek from the corner of his eyes.
he has a good idea of what keith is trying to say. sex. are they done with sex? but he can’t be entirely sure. maybe keith means a more specified abundance of kink. shiro also can’t be sure this doesn’t have to do with their conversation before the sentries showed up. so – ask, he tells himself. ]
That as in… sex?
shiro is thinking!!!
taking a steadying breath, keith allows himself to be soothed by the warmth of shiro's body before responding with: ]
... yeah.
[ pathetic, huh? trying to be a little less useless in conversation, keith lets out a second breath and continues. ]
Or anything else? Prison started a lot of things between us, and now that none of it needs to happen anymore, I guess I just wanna know what you're choosing to do with that. [ a beat. ] ... With us.
and now keith is thinking, but thinking stupidly
Keith…
[ he gives up on trying to look at the boy huddled behind him, so clearly determined to conduct this conversation not face to face. so shiro’s option is to look forward and take a breath. moment spent, he then huffs, dropping his head back to knock it against keith, who is still very much hiding in his nape. ]
You bonehead.
[ it’s a different tactic. a different approach. keith barely listened to him when he was sweet voiced and gentle; that isn’t to say he’s harsher here. just… flippant with a tease, the trace of a smile apparent in his voice as he fondly chastises. ]
Breaking outta prison doesn’t mean we’re breaking up, too. [ the caressing comes to a pause, his hand stilling to blanket keith’s instead. he squeezes there and then reaches high and back with his right, metal finding keith to cup the side of his head. ]
I told you I love you. [ and that he wanted keith to figure out a way for them to be together; to stay together, remember? ] I’d like to keep dating you… but only if that’s what you want as well.
..... listen.
perhaps after everything that's been said, it's arguably overkill in keit's part to stop, check, and re-check, but it's only because shiro matters. is that so wrong? he huffs his indignation loudly, pouting intensely at shiro's nape, but keeps a more snappy retort to himself when shiro pretzels and gets a hand in his hair. ]
Of course, I want to date you.
[ grumbled and somewhat indignant, keith fails to keep the pout out of his voice. ]
It's just -- listen. I've never had a boyfriend before you. I've never wanted one before you. And I don't know what normal dating is like either, but I assume sentence sheets and porn prison drugs forcing unwanted sex don't usually factor into the typical boyfriend deal.So just -- stop laughing at me and help me work this out.
stop questioning, daddy, keef
You’re right. I’m sorry.
[ that pout is, indeed, very apparent in keith’s voice however, so shiro doesn’t quite nail the apology. maybe it’s the high of freedom or maybe it’s a consequence of having keith pressed against him, pouty little snuffles tickling the bareness of his nape. whatever the reason, shiro feels light, like the brunt of their worries are behind them for the time being and that they, for once, can breathe easy. so he’s basking in it, soaking it up as he squeezes keith’s hand and tugs, gently at his hair, holding position a moment longer before releasing at his right and lifting his head off of keith’s.
he shakes his head then, keeping his gaze forward and not once looking back. ]
You talk about prison as a detriment to our relationship. [ shiro did too. in the beginning, he had been starkly against sharing sentence sheets, fully convinced that overstepping the solid lines of their friendship would ultimately damage it. ] And trust me, I get it. There is so much to unpack that I don’t even know where to start. [ a huffed breath, grimly amused. ] I’m still trying to make peace with my first prison sentence.
[ … okay, that joke falls flat. he clears his throat, not pausing long enough to let that fester into something else. ]
The point I’m trying to make is that… no, that wasn’t normal dating.
[ entirely unconventional from every angle. sometimes, shiro wonders what it would have been like to realize his affections back in his universe. would it have been better to develop feelings in the midst of a war? with a different keith? there is no clear answer to that. and maybe there doesn’t need to be, because maybe he shouldn’t be comparing any of this to what-ifs and maybes. that’s what he did with the loss of his virginity this past week and look where that got them. their relationship developed the way it did and there’s nothing he can confidently say he’d like to be different about that, because… because… ]
But we came together and grew closer despite everything working to ruin us. That’s why I laugh… because it feels so obvious now. I don’t doubt as I once did… I’m pretty dead set on you, Keith.
no daddy while the woof is eating :/
[ how the hell does shiro just casually bring up his time as a galra prisoner, make an alarming joke out of it then expect keith to simply roll with the punches without flinching or grimacing? true, this isn't the first time shiro has done something like that, but every time leaves keith mentally reeling. it's doubtful that the intention is to invalidate what keith is struggling with, but it's more or less the result.
in essence, keith goes quiet, feeling neither fully reassured nor like arguing. what is there to further say? shiro is apparently dead-set which leaves keith as the only one with questions by default. truthfully, that feeling is unsettling in it own right because it's impossible to explain what his doubt is centered around when shiro repeatedly refutes its premise.
shiro knows what he wants. so why isn't that good enough? ]
.... I guess it's just me then.
[ his voice is quiet, followed by a soft wispy huff that could almost be a laugh. ]
Just me holding onto something you're not even mad at me for.
[ another almost laughs, then keith frowns and loosens his arms. ]
It only gets weirder the longer I think about it. The first time we fucked for real and I had no idea who was taking my virginity, I considered taking some aphro beforehand -- y'know, just to take the nerves away. So it's not even like I think doing that with someone has to be something meaningful? So I'm just being a hypocrite.
kosmo better eat faster then
keith’s breath plays against his skin and for a moment, shiro’s mind goes blank, hairs rising on the verge of a shiver –
just me holding onto something you’re not even mad at me for.
– and then he forgets how to breathe. not from anticipation, not from pleasure; that tantalizing tease of whispered breath is bulldozed over by a sickening drop in the pit of his stomach. oh. oh. it truly is about that. are they ever going to get past that?
shiro doesn’t fight keith as he loosens his arms. he should, maybe, but he’s careful with keith to the point of defeat, left hand lifting off of keith’s so he can take it back if he wishes to. with both hands now empty, shiro places them on his thighs and grimaces through that agitated, lost feeling as he listens, processes, and listens some more. it’s all a bit jumbled. he’s trying to follow the links between keith’s points, only to conclude that the underlying message here is: first times and meaningful connections.
at least, he isn’t throwing around rape again. the inner confines of shiro’s chest curdles at the very memory.
and so, it takes him a moment. then two, three, closer to ten. he wets his lips and thinks, hoping for a solution, but not entirely confident that he knows how to find one anymore. in the end, he keeps his back to keith and looks to his lap, fingers pressing into the firmness of his quads. ]
You know… we had a do over of our first time together.
[ he turns his head just slightly, still not looking over his shoulder, but speaking more directly to keith. ]
I don’t see why we can’t have another one.
[ to make it more meaningful? to make keith less punishing to himself? would that help? ]
kosmo will lol wolf down his snack ....
he squeezes broad shoulders, staying quiet as he mulls over the suggestion of a do-over. the simplicity of it is almost funny, but more than that it pulls at all kinds of heartstrings. life doesn't present second chances often, but shiro -- shiro has always given him so many.
at least, up to a point. it remains to be seen what exactly will come of the distance that's crept into the friendship he had with the shiro from his own reality. maybe it won't even come to be seen. the reality keith has known feels like a lifetime ago, and it doesn't look like keith is due to find a way back to it any time soon the question of whether he even wants to at this point is a separate matter entirely, and not one that he's ready to beat himself down over.
in a lot of ways, the relationship he's built up with this shiro feels like a do-over... though, keith frowns and dismisses the thought. the more he equates this shiro with the one from his world, the mor run down his soul feels. blinking back to the present. he puts both his hands over shoulder blades and manages a faintly amused tone. ]
You would say that, huh...
[ a beat, then swallowing through a tightness in his throat, keith mrmurs: ]
....is that something you really want? It's not just to humor me?
... THAT WAS SUCH A SHIRO JOKE
it’s not just to humor me?
it’s not the ideal reaction, but – it’s okay. it’s workable. what is not, however, is that he’s played by keith’s rules too long. this feels like an opening and one that shiro is quick to take as he finally gives up on allowing keith all that space. he twists around, careful and slow, knee knocking to the edge of the bed as he half-turns in his seat. ]
No. [ there he is, looking a little small and looking a lot miserable. shiro’s heart gives a pained lurch in his chest, eyes soft under a furrowed brow. ] I’m not humoring you.
[ this bed is atrocious. it’s narrow and flimsy, the springs creaking with too much weight. so there’s a bit of a racket when shiro moves again, this time climbing up on the bed – the cot, more like – to settle beside keith, facing him with legs tucked underneath himself. ]
I want this for us.
[ he has half a mind to simply pluck that boy up and drag him into his lap, to hug him tight and steady until that frown clears. he reaches for his hand instead, catching it between a layering of both of his own, squeezing gently. ]
So will you do that for me? [ voice sweet, smile sweeter. ] Will you make love to me again?
I KNOW YOU LAUGHED.
there's no doubt that porn prison has warped the natural course of their friendship, just as there's no doubt that the war back home has fundamentally shattered keith's confidence in recognizing anything seriously amiss with his best friend. whether he truly deserves to be forgiven for the latter is likely going to be a perpetual dark spot in his soul, but one thing is becoming clear..
this shiro, the one sitting in front of him, holding his hand, doesn't deserve to be dragged into keith's self-flagellation. this shiro is his shiro, and despite the miserable circumstances behind the last time they slept together, shiro is willing to put his trust in keith another time.
overcome with the enormity of the moment, keith can't quite put words to what he's feeling. his expression softens, his smile small but brightening up his eyes with fierce adoration reserved for his boyfriend. he swallows through the lump in his throat as he holds shiro's hand tighter and leans forward. ]
Of course, I will. I want to. I mean, all I wanted was to take care of you, like you always do for me.
[ he huffs, gaze dropping to thir hands as he turns momentarily shy. ]
... I hate that it got so messed up.
[ a beat, then keith peeks up through a curtain of hair. ]
So I want to because it's been so long since we felt good together. [ a breath. ] ... but maybe I want to save something special like that for when we're properly settled and safe. [ another beat, then keith laughs. ] Is that weird? Am I overthinking again?
YOU CANNOT PROVE!!!!!!!!!!
no and yes. for them, he wouldn’t have picked anonymous, jurassic dongs, sex bots, aphro influences or sentence sheets. as much as he has come to love keith, the truth of the matter is that their relationship is a byproduct of a horrific situation. and that’s fine. that doesn’t make what they have any less worthy of feeling or having. he doesn’t regret falling in love with keith, meaning that, by extension, he doesn’t regret all that’s happened in order to get them to this point. that is why, shiro is a stupid, stupid man for fretting so long and so uselessly over losing his last form of innocence to the man he wanted to lose it to anyway.
… but maybe i want to save something special like that for when we’re properly settled and safe.
and here shiro was ready to chuck off his pants for keith. once again, denied his choice of where and when to “lose it.” kidding. keith’s laugh draws one from shiro, smile coming easily. ]
No. [ a short shake of his head, gaze fond. ] You’re thinking about it in just the right way.
[ and now, he does what he ignored before: he gets his hands around keith, gathering him up to pull him into his lap. caging keith in with a gentle circling of his arms, shiro holds him steady as he dips his face in, pressing a quick kiss to that bang covering most of his boy’s forehead. ]
We’ll wait until we don’t have to worry about anything except making each other feel good.
[ off the bed and from the floor, there’s an approving woof. shiro glances toward the source, holding eye contact with the space wolf who has his partly gnawed cock in a sock sausage hanging from his jaws. the moment drags into another and then shiro abruptly laughs again. ]
I think your wolf friend would appreciate us waiting, too, especially if it means he won’t have to be in the same room as us.