[ are they still talking about enchiladas? considering the joke is shiro posing as kitchen equipment, keith’s peptalk-esque you can be whatever you want throws shiro. not enough to derail the momentum, but enough for shiro to blink and lose that shit-eating, teasing grin in favor of a bemused smile. he half expects a if you put your mind to it to follow that; thankfully, it doesn’t.
the slight befuddlement eases and he picks up ground on his amusement again, oddly charmed by the lack of clapback. he sounds so serious, so earnest. like there’s something more meaningful going on here beyond a few dumb jokes. shiro’s expression shifts again, this time following in the wake of keith’s own. keith goes soft-eyed, shiro goes soft-eyed. keith goes fond, shiro goes fond. feeding off of the affection so freely offered to him, shiro feels warm and sobered, the teasing gone from his voice as he breathes out: ]
Yeah. [ keith took the first initiative, and shiro cleans up with the second: he angles his fingers and stretches them through, fitting them in between keith’s for a lacing that has their palms pressing flush together. ]
I’ll let you.
[ and he shifts, not more than a nuzzle closer across the shared pillow, smiling sweet. another beat and then he huffs; unfortunately, he can’t resist it entirely. it being the need to say: ]
But I think it should be pointed out that someone here did start a fire recently and it wasn’t me.
[ inarguably, keith's been in more compromising and vulnerable positions with far less clothing on than a full body flight suit on, but there's something about the simplcity of their palms flush and touching that makes his heart beat just a pinch faster. obviously this isn't going anywhere racy, but evidently his heart isn't registering a difference. keith briefly tightens his grip to give shiro's hand a squeeze,. it's experimental and is like dipping a toe in untested waters, but it feels a whole lot less intimidating when it's followed up with a line of teasing. ]
Hey. I didn't do anything wrong. You're the one who works maintenance now. If there's another electrical fire due to faulty wiring, it's all on you now.
[ he laughs, holding eye contact for as long as he can until his chest starts to feel like it might burst with some unnamed feeling and averts his eyes to shiro's collarbone, smiling turning entirely sheepish. ]
I'll accept an apology on behalf of your department any time now.
[ it’s a slippery slope and shiro can’t say whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that this feels natural. wasn’t it only a few minutes ago that they came to a tentative agreement? do things our way, when things feel right, that’s what keith pitched it as. shiro had anticipated baby steps of exploration, but those baby steps have led them to spooning together, tangling together, and… flirting with each other…? oh god, that’s what they’re doing, isn’t it? he’s chatting keith up with the kind of eagerness that makes him think of lance.
okay, wait, backtracking that thought. shiro should give himself more credit; he isn’t that bad. at the very least, keith seems to be receptive to it, if that duck out, break of eye contact and accompanying smile are anything to go by. both have shiro feeling a little victorious and a lot airy. when things feel right, he keeps rounding back to that thought, letting it guide him as he takes their combined hands, nudging interlaced knuckles gently to keith’s chin in a wordless, eyes up here.
if he’s going to make an apology, keith ought to look at him, yeah? he laughs softly, trying to sober his voice, but ultimately failing in keeping the humor out of it. ]
I’m sorry a portion of your hideous orange wardrobe got singed. I know you were real broken up about that.
[ it's just a gentle nudge under his chin, but it makes the warm flush spread that much further from his cheeks to his ears. not that looking at shiro is difficult, but when they're partly entangled in bed and laughing, his heart keeps threatening to do stupid acrobatics. whether that's normal or not, keith couldn't say, but that non-apology is so wholeheartedly insincere that he hiccups a laugh. it would have been a giggle really, if he weren't immediately self conscious and busy clearing his throat the next beat and praying shiro doesn't feel the bob of his adam's apple. ]
.. heh. Well I suppose the part of my wrist that's more exposed thanks to your department's negligence can learn to forgive you eventually.
[ try as he might though, keith doesn't come remotely close to sounding serious. the grin won't wipe off his face and for that matter neither will the shy shyness about his eyes. with those fingers still nudged under his chin, it's impossible to know where to look. down gives him a full glance at shiro's lips and that's ... ah, probably not where he ought to be looking. huh? keith glances back up again, giving shiro's hand another squeeze. ]
[ … and then there’s that. a baby step leading to sleeping together is one thing. a baby step that has them shaving off inches from the implied buffer between them is another. keith looks down and from this distance, it’s impossible to misconstrued his focus: keith’s looking at his mouth. the moment he thinks it is the moment he rolls his bottom lip in, tonguing it beneath his top incisors and letting it drag back out. it’s a subconscious move and one he doesn’t comprehend until he feels his teeth dig and his saliva stick, wetting his lip. keith’s eyes are back up though and shiro’s relieved for that.
… mostly?
he isn’t quite sure if he is. he thinks he should be, but his hand is firm in keith’s and his gaze is full of pretty, laughter-touched eyes that flutter with the barest hint of shyness. before he knows it, his thoughts find their way back to the tablet and the list waiting there. no aftercare and no kisses. it’s baffling. it’s wrong. and briefly, shiro wonders if keith has ever done this with anyone else: gone shy and wanting, peeking at their mouth but making no move to claim the soft kind of affection he deserves.
righting a supposed wrong isn’t a good reason to shift closer. shiro’s stolen inch, the one that has their noses almost brushing isn’t solely due to that. when things feel right. there’s that too, but it isn’t quite strong enough for shiro to bridge the gap entirely on his own. instead, he nuzzles into the pillow and allows a laugh to slip into his voice. ]
Sounds like that could take awhile.
[ their hands are still butted underneath keith’s chin. shiro relaxes the clasp. though doesn't let go, flicking out his index finger to brush just that much more along the line of his jaw. ]
Anything I can do to sway that forgiveness faster?
[ banter between them is fairly routine. hell, throwing out playful quips when one of them has the other pinned while wrestling is practically a given. arguably, wrestling pushes them into a far more awward positions than lying side by side, but at least with wrestling there aren't any accompanying exploratory face touches. but is "at least" even where keith's mind is at? finding comfort in his best friend is something that's been won with time and effort put in to getting to know keith, rather than anything else. but it's been hard not to notice all the ways in which shiro draws in the eye.
everything is meantt o be at their own pace, withouany buckling to outside pressure to complete sheets or yielding to aphrodisiaic. in some ways, maybe it's harder to look at his best friend and own the fact that he likes shiro's hanx touching his face and clasping his. that it makes him fluttery to know shiro is looking at him with that smile while their legs and tangled. when aphro had been involved, keith had been able to disown it. he doesn't know how he would even begin to excuse the fact that he'd been thinking of shiro and his dick while bending over for a stranger, so he hasn't tried to -- and perhaps that's for the best. every time his thoughts slip even fractionally in that direction, keith is left trying to scrub his head blank and empty. he catches himself doing that right now, blinking hard through the hopeful swoop in his chest. would it even be right to act so familiar with a shiro who might technically not even be his? ... not that shiro had ever been his. keith mulls it over for a beat, before deciding he doesn't want to anymore. he steals another look down at shiro's lips, now a little glossier somehow and is slow to look back up.
how can srhio win back his forgiveness faster? it's meant to be a facetious question. in fact, this entire conversation about enchiladas and pina coladas had beennothing but jokes standing in for... something. frowning very slightly, keith leans in a quarter inch closer until their noses touch. ]
You could keep smiling at me like that.
[ is that too much? keith doesn't know. but it'd been a long two years without his best friend in the quantum abyss and an even longer fight in the abandoned facility. native some part of him will always be worried about shiro -- the one with a full head of white hair and a clone's body, but seeing the WAY THIS SHIRO SMILES, IT GIVES KEITH SOME HOPE. ]
[ keith’s doing it again. this time, however, their gazes catch and shiro watches keith’s brow crease as a frown takes shape. he has the briefest moment to wonder if he should be concerned, because keith’s thoughts are clearly going somewhere, but then noses brush and keith’s offering shiro the simplest of suggestions. that’s it? that’s all keith needs from him?
emotion fills him then, both of which are nebulous, yet conflicting. first, there’s the gentle wave of affection that isn’t at all new when it comes to keith. it’s reactionary at this point; he feels it in varying levels every time he spends any amount of time with his best friend. here, it’s wrapped up in syrupy sweetness, the extent of it warming him from the inside out leaving him feeling unbalanced, even though he’s lying down and curled. it’s like that sometimes; he isn’t so bold to say this is adoration, but keith’s looking at him and speaking to him in hushed tones, so genuinely happy with the show of shiro’s barest effort. precious, is a word that comes to him then, though he can’t say if he means to direct it at their friendship or at keith himself.
either way, he feels protective in the moment and sorry too. disappointed, fits better. it’s strange to be touched by keith’s modest nature while simultaneously being frustrated by it. or more specifically, frustrated with himself for it. is keith that easily satisfied or has shiro given him the bare minimum so frequently in the recent past that he’s grown to want nothing more? makes sense, shiro just barely worked through accepting the idea of helping keith through his first time bottoming, only to completely shut down when it didn’t pan out the way shiro had anticipated.
it’s different now though. now, like so much time has passed. they have their feet tangled, fingers laced and faces close, so close… yet keith doesn’t follow shiro’s thoughts down the route of sentence sheets. he doesn’t ask for a kiss. it has shiro disappointed and then confused as to why he’s disappointed. ]
You’re making it too easy for me.
[ the words slip out without thought. you didn’t a few minutes ago, sounds off in his mind. with how they are currently, it’s difficult to even remember how keith laid into him hard. inevitably, no matter how bad things get, keith makes things easy for him, whether through supporting him through difficult situations or being more forgiving of shiro’s barriers, more so than anyone else. point is, this is easy and natural, and while that’s good, part of shiro can’t understand why he’s being given a free pass. ]
I’m not doing anything special. This is just how I look at you.
[ funnily enough, he’s not holding up his end of the bargain. the smile is still there, but it’s dimmed to something softer, something carrying a twinge of confusion. ]
[ keith hesitates a moment, unsure of what that response even means. are they still bantering and if so, did keith mess this up by being too earnest? or is shiro being also being earnest in saying that? and if that's the case, then what is keith's next move? either he's lost the plot on how to behave at this point, and keith chews his lower lip a little nervously.
shiro isn't lance. shiro wouldn't make fun of him for being confused or needing a bit of guidance in how to talk, but there's a stubbornness to keith that refuses to cede ground to the doubt swirling in his head about whether or not he really knows how to engage with his best friend. ]
But you're the only one who looks at me like that.
[ and perhaps just as importantly, the only one that a soft smile from well and truly matters. at the end of the day, keith knows there are plenty of people in his life now who would be happy for him and care about his well being. krolia, for one. the other paladins as well. but he knows tha they'll be okay, with or without him. for a while, he'd thought the same about shiro -- that maybe it was just keith who needed or wanted him, but somehow he's not show of that anymore.
not because shiro can't stand up for himself or doesn't have the willpower to muscle through any challenge in his way, but because keith's suddenly unsure of who it is that shiro would go to. who shiro might smile for in that warm way that makes the rest of the universe tune out like scatterings of white noise. does keith even wantthis is?
keith doesn't dare qualifying that placeholder. he holds shiro's gaze despite wanting to look away. there's so little space between their faces at this point that even the tiniest breaths are puffs of warm air he can feel on his lip. still, he doesn't dare to close that miniscule gap -- not yet. not until after he's clarified one thing: ]
... and the only one that makes me want to smile back.
[ the only one who looks at him like that – that being what? proud? pleased? genuinely happy to see him? shiro doesn’t want to believe that. they’re a long ways from the galaxy garrison days of jealous cadets and impatient brass, so surely by now, this older, more mature – and hopefully more receptive – keith has found people capable of appreciating him. it’s not just the galaxy garrison though, huh? last shiro remembers, team voltron was still bickering over inconsequentials, some of which having to do with the stunt keith pulled with allura. shiro’s been trying to pay attention to the differences in the team here, to see if there’s a better connection for him to look forward to when he’s inevitably returned to his timeline.
but it’s much the same, as far as he can tell. hell, a few hours ago, lance was letting slip that he and keith were at odds. so maybe it is true. maybe keith isn’t getting the attention and care he is due. care? aftercare? his mind jumps from one word to the next and again, he’s thinking of the sheet and how it isn’t at all right how keith is given so little.
guess that’s where shiro comes in then. if no one else can open their eyes and see past the surly resting face, the bad hair, and the awkward, stilted socialization, to appreciate how magnificent keith is at the core, then fine, shiro will fill the void. that jubilant confidence is talked down almost immediately; shiro can never quite escape falling prey to his own perceived shortcomings. ]
I wanna keep you smiling. [ this close, the fall of his smile is difficult to see. his voice gives him away though, it turning wistful through the murmur: ] Wish I could.
[ but despite all his best intentions, he isn’t the greatest of friends, is he? he’s hurt keith quite a few times. kerberos comes to mind, almost dying does too. then there’s all the secrets and moments in which shiro has been unwilling to open up, this last month included. shiro’s got the rep of being great at taking care of people, like some ridiculous space dad, but that’s only due to him having an open ear and a practice for pep-talks. the truth of the matter is he doesn’t know what he’s doing. ]
You deserve to be happy. [ shiro’s the one to shy his gaze away. there is no pull away, he’s too selfishly attached to the gentle pressure of keith’s nose against his. but he does close his eyes, finding comfort in it. ] I want you to be happy.
[ right about now is where keith ought to be refuting his apparent unhappiness. if keith were a better liar, maybe he could even spin it convincingly, but they've just come off the heels of an argument and keith is instead lulled into an uneasy silence.. the fact that keith has lost all grounding for what they're even talking about helps nothing at all.
what timeframe is shiro even talking about? in general? while they're here? back home? the future? wish i could has such a defeatist undertone to it that carries finalith that keith doesn't like the second he's processed it. shiro hasn't come out and said it, but could implies an unspken but can't that keith tries not to hear. regardless, shiro isn't responsible for his happiness, much less does he need to be the sole reason for it. keith pauses, looking at the way shiro's dropped eye contact and feels a pit forming in his stomach. ]
Why can't we?
[ the question slips out of him before judgment catches up to him. why they can't be happy is largely self evident, isn't it? they're stuck in a fucking human trafficking sex hole masquerading as an intergalactic prison with seemingly no means of escape and beyond this they have an uncertain future with a long war ahead. kicking himself mentallyy, keith too looks away embarrassed and inches back, downcast. ]
[ annnnd he’s squashed the momentum. it wrangles a wince out of him, just in knowing that he’s stepped too far into this honesty business and lost himself in the process to ramble off… what? what was that anyway? now that he’s in the aftermath of it, replaying the words in his head, he’s flabbergasted by his own ramblings. from arguing to flirting to a poorly veiled, wannabe apology for not making keith as happy as shiro deems appropriate? is that what that was…? keith isn’t the only one inwardly scratching his head; shiro’s lost the plot too.
he feels keith shift, nose grazing as he slips away. don’t do it whispers into his thoughts but he can’t say who it’s directed toward: keith for moving away or shiro, with the reflex of fluttering his eyes open. doesn’t matter in the end, both of them follow through in each. he’d been shying away from keith’s gaze moments ago and now that he opens his eyes to find keith’s downcast, he feels – sad? desperate. unbalanced on the rush, he formulates words without thought. ]
I’m sorry.
[ their faces are still so close, far closer than they’ve ever dared outside of this evening, but it doesn’t feel right, not like before. shiro did that. he didn’t follow through and give keith the one thing he asked for. he let the smile slip. ]
I think I’ve said too much. [ or too little. he muscles down another grimace and then forces a huff of a laugh that doesn’t hit its mark. ] Ignore me. It’s the exhaustion speaking.
[ keith hesitates. social situations have the unfortunate tendency of occasionally requiring a delicate touch that keith has never properly mastered. all it takes is a single beat for keith to hate every time he's deflected or refused to participate in a difficult conversation because even though that'd made things easy for him in the moment, he sees now that the experiences have collectively robbed him of grace. his heart skips -- one trip short of outright panic as he reaches out with his other hand to grab shiro by the shoulder. ]
Wait.
[ wait. like shiro was actually going somewhere when they're still locked in close. the embarrassment prickles at the edges of his awareness before keith muscles through the unpleasantness with a more restrained: ]
Not literally, obviously. I mean... [ fuck. he closes his eyes and heaves a deep breath. ] Okay, I don't know what I mean. But you don't have to be sorry. I was thinking in my head that I just want you to be happy too.
[ he opens his eyes, looking both sheepish and a little crestfallen. ]
I should have just said that. [ he swallows, then abandons eye contact once again. ] ... I guess I wish I was better at that too.
[ for all the lessons shiro’s mentored keith through, he’s glad there’s one thing keith hasn’t picked up from him. keith isn’t a bullshitter. shiro isn’t exactly one either, but he does rely heavily on white lies and diversion tactics to skirt the truth when a conversation leans heavily into personal matters. his justification is that it makes things easier, not just for himself, but for everyone unfortunate enough to be caught up in it. keith is too sincere for that. more than that, he’s too brave to cower behind carefully crafted words.
he’s rambling now. he’s working through what he means as he’s saying it and even if keith hadn’t told him to wait, shiro would have been helpless to do anything other than that, because the earnestness to set things right is a little awe-inspiring. by the end of it, shiro feels the loss of that gaze again and he feels humbled. look at the two of them; both so tangled up in their own heads about wanting to make the other one happy. it’d be funny if it weren’t equally distressing. something this simple shouldn't be so complicated, so why is it?
the question needs answering but shiro’s already falling to old habits. shiro does what he always does: shies away from picking too deeply at the real issue and sugarcoats it with a flippant voice. ]
I’m a difficult case. [ so not keith’s fault. it’s said like a joke, his smile wry. it’s only afterwards that he thinks, stupid, that isn’t the way to answer that. grimacing, he tilts his foot against keith’s, ignoring the knock of those ankle monitors. ] But there’s no one better at it than you.
[ a little reluctantly, he tugs his hand out of keith’s grip and lets go, only so he slip his arm around him, hand pressed to his back. ]
For the record? [ and he holds him in. they were already close, so there isn’t much space to gain, but the anchoring of his arm has him feeling warmer and feeling nervous, like this might be too bold. nonetheless: ] I’m happy right now and it’s all your doing.
[ a difficult case, huh? keith hears the joke for what it is, but it doesn’t succeed in making him laugh. instead, it makes him wonder when exactly the last time shiro had been unreservedly happy even was. was it launch day of the kerberos mission? or was it earlier than that with adam? keith considers, sinking a little with contemplation only to be distracted by shiro prising his fingers free. keith looks at shiro, question unasked but plain to see on his face, only to settle with yet another unspoken oh as shiro holds him even closer.
where the joke hadn’t landed before, the added commentary does settle some of the uncertainty roaming around in his head. he smiles then, entirely reflexive in his quiet relief and slowly releases his hold on shiro’s shoulder. with even less space between them now than ever however, keith isn’t entirely sure of where he ought to be putting his hand. any lower would mean touching shiro’s chest, but higher would mean touhing his face and neither of thoe options souns as neutral as keepign his fingers perched lightly on that tank topped shoulder. ]
Heh.
[ slowly, carefully keith puts his newly freed hand on the hollow of his throat, nervously tapping his collarbones. ]
… well I guess we should go to sleep before that changes again. Wouldn’t wanna ruin a hard won victory.
[ they’ve reached closure of some sort. the matter seems settled, yet at the same time, not settled at all. it nags at shiro: the knowledge that the happiness found through their friendship is elusive enough that once they manage to capture it, they have to tap out before ruining it. he studies keith’s smile while he drums at his collarbone, wanting to argue that no, it isn’t like that. that his happiness with keith isn’t some fleeting, fragile thing. but –
i’m a difficult case.
right. that’s what shiro said. and it’s true. he is difficult. even now, he’s fighting against the peace offering, wanting to make things better while running the risk of making them worse. it’s fuck-knows o’clock and shiro’s dragged an exhausted keith through enough verbal spars tonight. maybe it’s time he stop agonizing over the details and yield. ]
Yeah. Okay.
[ he smiles in answer, hoping it makes up for the less than stellar response. he doesn’t remove his arm and he doesn’t scoot back. the line of keith’s spine is easy to find when he’s wrapped up in a skintight bodysuit; shiro’s fingers flutter against it, tracing up and down in a few inch span. he draws in a deep breath and closes his eyes on the exhale. ]
Are you comfortable like this? [ after it’s asked, he mentally rolls his eyes at himself. it’s another set-up for a back and forth. they already discussed this. except, that ended with shiro facing away, not chest to chest, faces close and shiro’s arm laying heavy over keith to anchor him in. to get ahead of the question he knows will be coming, he abruptly tacks on: ] I’m comfortable like this.
[ beaten to the punch on his follow up question, keith blinks in surprise then manages a quiet huff of laughter. intimacy is always a little dicey. keith's never been the sort to go out looking for hugs or physical affection, nor does he think he'll honestly like it coming from a stranger. he's talked to other inmates here about intimacy, of course. some of whom think he takes it far too seriously for his own good, and maybe that's true? but keith doesn't know how exactly you're meant to feel comfortable being vulnerable in someone else's arms when you don't know a damn thing about them.
because even now, he's mot entirely sure he could ever really feel as relaxed with anonymous if the guy ever indicated an interest in lying together like this after the fact. ... then again, maybe it's just that shiro is different. a class all on his own. tentatively and with a look fo shyness, keith relaxes his hand and loosely drapes an arm around shiro's shoulder to entwine just that much closer. ]
Yeah, I'm comfy.
[ he moves his face a quarter inch closer again, the tip of his nose just brushing shiro's. ]
It's the first time I've ever slept with someone like this. It's kinda nice.. even if a little cramped.
[ so – he’s nabbing one of keith’s firsts afterall. shiro doesn’t know how he ought to feel about that. bothered, maybe, similarly to how he’s been fixated on certain unchecked sentences since he got here. this being a first time means everything keith’s done hasn’t ended with the cliche tangled up in an affectionate embrace, falling asleep together. it’s not necessarily a bad thing. sex doesn’t have to follow certain rules. it’s just – it has shiro picturing a disheveled keith, pulling himself together and getting out, before the sweat has even dried.
bad move. he shouldn’t be picturing keith disheveled or sex flushed or anything when their bodies are pressed in close. certainly not when keith’s nose is brushing his again, his small puffs of breath fanning the minimal space between them. shiro’s lips part on the next breath and pull in air, thinking of how it’s shared and if he really focuses, maybe there’s a hint of taste –
he squeezes his eyes a little more forcibly closed, huffing to expel that shared breath. this isn’t shiro’s first time by any means, but it’s been a long time since he last did this. here, he’s upsetting himself over the thought of keith stumbling away after relations and yet, that’s all shiro’s done too since arriving here. god, he’s clearly more starved for soft, sleepy affections than he would have ever dared to think. ]
A little. [ but yes, nice. he laughs to cover up the direction of his thoughts, eyes still closed and fingers ending their caress. ] Go to sleep, Keith. Dream of a bigger bed. You’ll forget all about me being here… hogging all the space.
[ marginally emboldened, keith drapes his arm around shiro a little more definitively and likewise closes his eyes. it doesn't make the flutter in his chest any less potent to do so when all closing his eyes does is accentuate his awareness of all the places they're touching and each breath that fans across his face, but seeing nothing at least dampens some of the jitters from their faces being so close. he doesn't know what to call or how to label what it is that they're doing together like this, but try as keith did to ignore all media based social conditioning back home, he's not oblivious to the trope of goodnight kisses. or kissing in general really.
he couldn't say for sure whether or not shiro is thinking along similar lines. maybe he is, considering they were talking about anal together earlier, but the thought only makes the squirmy feeling in keith's stomach bloom and curl his toes. a little guiltily, keith hastily clears his throat and half mumbles into the pillow. ]
The point is that I'm sharing the cot with you. [ implied: so why would i want to forget? face warming for the umpteenth time, keith holds his breath for two beats, then releases it slowly. ] ... I like it.
[ and just like that, it dawns on shiro that he’s been approaching this wrong. over and over, he’s been circling around keith’s sentence sheet. no aftercare, no kissing, no meeting of the lowest threshold when it comes to sharing one’s body with someone else. and throughout, what has shiro been doing? waiting for keith to indicate that he wants that. it’s all so backwards. the one time keith outright said what he wanted from shiro, shiro turned him down and came back too late for a reoffer. now, shiro’s motivated to right this slight against keith, but he’s stalling because keith hasn’t verbalized kiss me…?
shiro cracks his eyes open on the thought, staring through half-lidded eyes at keith’s too close face. silently, he lists off the wordless hints that he’s been too ridiculous to notice for what they are. bodies close, arms draped, feet tangled, noses brushing, space gone – there’s also a quiet i like it that taps awake his resolve. keith’s been indicating this whole time that he’s open to it, hasn't he?
yeah, he’s been looking at this all wrong. maybe keith hasn’t been properly kissed because others are as stupid and blind as shiro is. maybe they’re all hesitating too, even though keith’s done everything right by meeting them – him – halfway. more than halfway. all shiro has to do is tilt his face a few slivers closer and there, done, someone will have finally given keith the small token of affection that he deserves.
thinking it is one thing, doing it is another. he’s motivated though. even a little chastised. if no one else is going to take care of keith, then shiro will. it’s easier when it’s framed like that and so, the honesty keeps, a few seconds delayed – ]
I like it too.
[ – being breathed between them. confidence builds and he follows through by arcing across the pillow to press his lips to keith’s. one – he holds his breath. two – he forgets to close his eyes. three – his arm tightens around keith, even while his mouth remains butterfly light. onto the fourth beat and he eases off the gentle pressure, only then closing his eyes as he settles back on the pillow. if there’s a cue here to talk about what he just did, shiro misses it and instead only murmurs a soft: ]
[ the barely there pressure against his lips lasts for four beats, and keith wastes about half of them being confused about what exactly is happening. at first, he's convinced the added bit of contact is nothing more than the unfortunate consequence of trying to shuffle around in close proximity, but by the time he has his eyes open agai and ready to hear an apology, the feather pressure is gone and his lips tingle in the aftermath. keith stares, expectation shifting from apology to explanation, but when that doesn't come either, he's left with a ridiculous flutter in his chest that spreads to his stomach and further down to the tips of his toes.
goodnight? sweet dreams?
keith laughs without completely meaning to. part incredulous, part helpless outlet for the amplified jittery, tingling feeling, keith starts talking before he has any idea of what he actually wants to say. ]
Did you just...
[ kiss me? he trails off after hearing his own hopefulness unfiltered in voice. there aren't many ways to misinterpret four whole beats of gentle lip to lip contact, but surely if that's how shiro meant it, there would be some acknowledgement afterwards? maybe? yes? no? second guessing wildly, keith flushes and clears his throat. he isn't able to stamp out his jubilance, but his tone is a little more subdued all the same as he gently curls his fingers along the small of shiro's back. ]
I mean... sweet dreams? [ shit, why is that a question again? keith clears his throat a second time, then hastily closes his eyes before this turns into a conversation he's not entirely sure he's capable of handling right this moment. what does it even mean if friends kiss to say good night just because they can? and putting that aside, does this mean shiro thinks kissing feels right? warmth buzzing pleasantly under shiro's hands, keith tucks himself in just a little closer, ducking his head to rest under his best firend's chin. ]
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the slight befuddlement eases and he picks up ground on his amusement again, oddly charmed by the lack of clapback. he sounds so serious, so earnest. like there’s something more meaningful going on here beyond a few dumb jokes. shiro’s expression shifts again, this time following in the wake of keith’s own. keith goes soft-eyed, shiro goes soft-eyed. keith goes fond, shiro goes fond. feeding off of the affection so freely offered to him, shiro feels warm and sobered, the teasing gone from his voice as he breathes out: ]
Yeah. [ keith took the first initiative, and shiro cleans up with the second: he angles his fingers and stretches them through, fitting them in between keith’s for a lacing that has their palms pressing flush together. ]
I’ll let you.
[ and he shifts, not more than a nuzzle closer across the shared pillow, smiling sweet. another beat and then he huffs; unfortunately, he can’t resist it entirely. it being the need to say: ]
But I think it should be pointed out that someone here did start a fire recently and it wasn’t me.
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Hey. I didn't do anything wrong. You're the one who works maintenance now. If there's another electrical fire due to faulty wiring, it's all on you now.
[ he laughs, holding eye contact for as long as he can until his chest starts to feel like it might burst with some unnamed feeling and averts his eyes to shiro's collarbone, smiling turning entirely sheepish. ]
I'll accept an apology on behalf of your department any time now.
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okay, wait, backtracking that thought. shiro should give himself more credit; he isn’t that bad. at the very least, keith seems to be receptive to it, if that duck out, break of eye contact and accompanying smile are anything to go by. both have shiro feeling a little victorious and a lot airy. when things feel right, he keeps rounding back to that thought, letting it guide him as he takes their combined hands, nudging interlaced knuckles gently to keith’s chin in a wordless, eyes up here.
if he’s going to make an apology, keith ought to look at him, yeah? he laughs softly, trying to sober his voice, but ultimately failing in keeping the humor out of it. ]
I’m sorry a portion of your hideous orange wardrobe got singed. I know you were real broken up about that.
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.. heh. Well I suppose the part of my wrist that's more exposed thanks to your department's negligence can learn to forgive you eventually.
[ try as he might though, keith doesn't come remotely close to sounding serious. the grin won't wipe off his face and for that matter neither will the shy shyness about his eyes. with those fingers still nudged under his chin, it's impossible to know where to look. down gives him a full glance at shiro's lips and that's ... ah, probably not where he ought to be looking. huh? keith glances back up again, giving shiro's hand another squeeze. ]
You know. With good behavior.
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… mostly?
he isn’t quite sure if he is. he thinks he should be, but his hand is firm in keith’s and his gaze is full of pretty, laughter-touched eyes that flutter with the barest hint of shyness. before he knows it, his thoughts find their way back to the tablet and the list waiting there. no aftercare and no kisses. it’s baffling. it’s wrong. and briefly, shiro wonders if keith has ever done this with anyone else: gone shy and wanting, peeking at their mouth but making no move to claim the soft kind of affection he deserves.
righting a supposed wrong isn’t a good reason to shift closer. shiro’s stolen inch, the one that has their noses almost brushing isn’t solely due to that. when things feel right. there’s that too, but it isn’t quite strong enough for shiro to bridge the gap entirely on his own. instead, he nuzzles into the pillow and allows a laugh to slip into his voice. ]
Sounds like that could take awhile.
[ their hands are still butted underneath keith’s chin. shiro relaxes the clasp. though doesn't let go, flicking out his index finger to brush just that much more along the line of his jaw. ]
Anything I can do to sway that forgiveness faster?
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everything is meantt o be at their own pace, withouany buckling to outside pressure to complete sheets or yielding to aphrodisiaic. in some ways, maybe it's harder to look at his best friend and own the fact that he likes shiro's hanx touching his face and clasping his. that it makes him fluttery to know shiro is looking at him with that smile while their legs and tangled. when aphro had been involved, keith had been able to disown it. he doesn't know how he would even begin to excuse the fact that he'd been thinking of shiro and his dick while bending over for a stranger, so he hasn't tried to -- and perhaps that's for the best. every time his thoughts slip even fractionally in that direction, keith is left trying to scrub his head blank and empty.
he catches himself doing that right now, blinking hard through the hopeful swoop in his chest. would it even be right to act so familiar with a shiro who might technically not even be his? ... not that shiro had ever been his. keith mulls it over for a beat, before deciding he doesn't want to anymore. he steals another look down at shiro's lips, now a little glossier somehow and is slow to look back up.
how can srhio win back his forgiveness faster? it's meant to be a facetious question. in fact, this entire conversation about enchiladas and pina coladas had beennothing but jokes standing in for... something. frowning very slightly, keith leans in a quarter inch closer until their noses touch. ]
You could keep smiling at me like that.
[ is that too much? keith doesn't know. but it'd been a long two years without his best friend in the quantum abyss and an even longer fight in the abandoned facility. native some part of him will always be worried about shiro -- the one with a full head of white hair and a clone's body, but seeing the WAY THIS SHIRO SMILES, IT GIVES KEITH SOME HOPE. ]
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emotion fills him then, both of which are nebulous, yet conflicting. first, there’s the gentle wave of affection that isn’t at all new when it comes to keith. it’s reactionary at this point; he feels it in varying levels every time he spends any amount of time with his best friend. here, it’s wrapped up in syrupy sweetness, the extent of it warming him from the inside out leaving him feeling unbalanced, even though he’s lying down and curled. it’s like that sometimes; he isn’t so bold to say this is adoration, but keith’s looking at him and speaking to him in hushed tones, so genuinely happy with the show of shiro’s barest effort. precious, is a word that comes to him then, though he can’t say if he means to direct it at their friendship or at keith himself.
either way, he feels protective in the moment and sorry too. disappointed, fits better. it’s strange to be touched by keith’s modest nature while simultaneously being frustrated by it. or more specifically, frustrated with himself for it. is keith that easily satisfied or has shiro given him the bare minimum so frequently in the recent past that he’s grown to want nothing more? makes sense, shiro just barely worked through accepting the idea of helping keith through his first time bottoming, only to completely shut down when it didn’t pan out the way shiro had anticipated.
it’s different now though. now, like so much time has passed. they have their feet tangled, fingers laced and faces close, so close… yet keith doesn’t follow shiro’s thoughts down the route of sentence sheets. he doesn’t ask for a kiss. it has shiro disappointed and then confused as to why he’s disappointed. ]
You’re making it too easy for me.
[ the words slip out without thought. you didn’t a few minutes ago, sounds off in his mind. with how they are currently, it’s difficult to even remember how keith laid into him hard. inevitably, no matter how bad things get, keith makes things easy for him, whether through supporting him through difficult situations or being more forgiving of shiro’s barriers, more so than anyone else. point is, this is easy and natural, and while that’s good, part of shiro can’t understand why he’s being given a free pass. ]
I’m not doing anything special. This is just how I look at you.
[ funnily enough, he’s not holding up his end of the bargain. the smile is still there, but it’s dimmed to something softer, something carrying a twinge of confusion. ]
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shiro isn't lance. shiro wouldn't make fun of him for being confused or needing a bit of guidance in how to talk, but there's a stubbornness to keith that refuses to cede ground to the doubt swirling in his head about whether or not he really knows how to engage with his best friend. ]
But you're the only one who looks at me like that.
[ and perhaps just as importantly, the only one that a soft smile from well and truly matters. at the end of the day, keith knows there are plenty of people in his life now who would be happy for him and care about his well being. krolia, for one. the other paladins as well. but he knows tha they'll be okay, with or without him. for a while, he'd thought the same about shiro -- that maybe it was just keith who needed or wanted him, but somehow he's not show of that anymore.
not because shiro can't stand up for himself or doesn't have the willpower to muscle through any challenge in his way, but because keith's suddenly unsure of who it is that shiro would go to. who shiro might smile for in that warm way that makes the rest of the universe tune out like scatterings of white noise. does keith even wantthis is?
keith doesn't dare qualifying that placeholder. he holds shiro's gaze despite wanting to look away. there's so little space between their faces at this point that even the tiniest breaths are puffs of warm air he can feel on his lip. still, he doesn't dare to close that miniscule gap -- not yet. not until after he's clarified one thing: ]
... and the only one that makes me want to smile back.
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but it’s much the same, as far as he can tell. hell, a few hours ago, lance was letting slip that he and keith were at odds. so maybe it is true. maybe keith isn’t getting the attention and care he is due. care? aftercare? his mind jumps from one word to the next and again, he’s thinking of the sheet and how it isn’t at all right how keith is given so little.
guess that’s where shiro comes in then. if no one else can open their eyes and see past the surly resting face, the bad hair, and the awkward, stilted socialization, to appreciate how magnificent keith is at the core, then fine, shiro will fill the void. that jubilant confidence is talked down almost immediately; shiro can never quite escape falling prey to his own perceived shortcomings. ]
I wanna keep you smiling. [ this close, the fall of his smile is difficult to see. his voice gives him away though, it turning wistful through the murmur: ] Wish I could.
[ but despite all his best intentions, he isn’t the greatest of friends, is he? he’s hurt keith quite a few times. kerberos comes to mind, almost dying does too. then there’s all the secrets and moments in which shiro has been unwilling to open up, this last month included. shiro’s got the rep of being great at taking care of people, like some ridiculous space dad, but that’s only due to him having an open ear and a practice for pep-talks. the truth of the matter is he doesn’t know what he’s doing. ]
You deserve to be happy. [ shiro’s the one to shy his gaze away. there is no pull away, he’s too selfishly attached to the gentle pressure of keith’s nose against his. but he does close his eyes, finding comfort in it. ] I want you to be happy.
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what timeframe is shiro even talking about? in general? while they're here? back home? the future? wish i could has such a defeatist undertone to it that carries finalith that keith doesn't like the second he's processed it. shiro hasn't come out and said it, but could implies an unspken but can't that keith tries not to hear. regardless, shiro isn't responsible for his happiness, much less does he need to be the sole reason for it. keith pauses, looking at the way shiro's dropped eye contact and feels a pit forming in his stomach. ]
Why can't we?
[ the question slips out of him before judgment catches up to him. why they can't be happy is largely self evident, isn't it? they're stuck in a fucking human trafficking sex hole masquerading as an intergalactic prison with seemingly no means of escape and beyond this they have an uncertain future with a long war ahead. kicking himself mentallyy, keith too looks away embarrassed and inches back, downcast. ]
...stupid question. Never mind.
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he feels keith shift, nose grazing as he slips away. don’t do it whispers into his thoughts but he can’t say who it’s directed toward: keith for moving away or shiro, with the reflex of fluttering his eyes open. doesn’t matter in the end, both of them follow through in each. he’d been shying away from keith’s gaze moments ago and now that he opens his eyes to find keith’s downcast, he feels – sad? desperate. unbalanced on the rush, he formulates words without thought. ]
I’m sorry.
[ their faces are still so close, far closer than they’ve ever dared outside of this evening, but it doesn’t feel right, not like before. shiro did that. he didn’t follow through and give keith the one thing he asked for. he let the smile slip. ]
I think I’ve said too much. [ or too little. he muscles down another grimace and then forces a huff of a laugh that doesn’t hit its mark. ] Ignore me. It’s the exhaustion speaking.
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Wait.
[ wait. like shiro was actually going somewhere when they're still locked in close. the embarrassment prickles at the edges of his awareness before keith muscles through the unpleasantness with a more restrained: ]
Not literally, obviously. I mean... [ fuck. he closes his eyes and heaves a deep breath. ] Okay, I don't know what I mean. But you don't have to be sorry. I was thinking in my head that I just want you to be happy too.
[ he opens his eyes, looking both sheepish and a little crestfallen. ]
I should have just said that. [ he swallows, then abandons eye contact once again. ] ... I guess I wish I was better at that too.
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he’s rambling now. he’s working through what he means as he’s saying it and even if keith hadn’t told him to wait, shiro would have been helpless to do anything other than that, because the earnestness to set things right is a little awe-inspiring. by the end of it, shiro feels the loss of that gaze again and he feels humbled. look at the two of them; both so tangled up in their own heads about wanting to make the other one happy. it’d be funny if it weren’t equally distressing. something this simple shouldn't be so complicated, so why is it?
the question needs answering but shiro’s already falling to old habits. shiro does what he always does: shies away from picking too deeply at the real issue and sugarcoats it with a flippant voice. ]
I’m a difficult case. [ so not keith’s fault. it’s said like a joke, his smile wry. it’s only afterwards that he thinks, stupid, that isn’t the way to answer that. grimacing, he tilts his foot against keith’s, ignoring the knock of those ankle monitors. ] But there’s no one better at it than you.
[ a little reluctantly, he tugs his hand out of keith’s grip and lets go, only so he slip his arm around him, hand pressed to his back. ]
For the record? [ and he holds him in. they were already close, so there isn’t much space to gain, but the anchoring of his arm has him feeling warmer and feeling nervous, like this might be too bold. nonetheless: ] I’m happy right now and it’s all your doing.
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where the joke hadn’t landed before, the added commentary does settle some of the uncertainty roaming around in his head. he smiles then, entirely reflexive in his quiet relief and slowly releases his hold on shiro’s shoulder. with even less space between them now than ever however, keith isn’t entirely sure of where he ought to be putting his hand. any lower would mean touching shiro’s chest, but higher would mean touhing his face and neither of thoe options souns as neutral as keepign his fingers perched lightly on that tank topped shoulder. ]
Heh.
[ slowly, carefully keith puts his newly freed hand on the hollow of his throat, nervously tapping his collarbones. ]
… well I guess we should go to sleep before that changes again. Wouldn’t wanna ruin a hard won victory.
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i’m a difficult case.
right. that’s what shiro said. and it’s true. he is difficult. even now, he’s fighting against the peace offering, wanting to make things better while running the risk of making them worse. it’s fuck-knows o’clock and shiro’s dragged an exhausted keith through enough verbal spars tonight. maybe it’s time he stop agonizing over the details and yield. ]
Yeah. Okay.
[ he smiles in answer, hoping it makes up for the less than stellar response. he doesn’t remove his arm and he doesn’t scoot back. the line of keith’s spine is easy to find when he’s wrapped up in a skintight bodysuit; shiro’s fingers flutter against it, tracing up and down in a few inch span. he draws in a deep breath and closes his eyes on the exhale. ]
Are you comfortable like this? [ after it’s asked, he mentally rolls his eyes at himself. it’s another set-up for a back and forth. they already discussed this. except, that ended with shiro facing away, not chest to chest, faces close and shiro’s arm laying heavy over keith to anchor him in. to get ahead of the question he knows will be coming, he abruptly tacks on: ] I’m comfortable like this.
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because even now, he's mot entirely sure he could ever really feel as relaxed with anonymous if the guy ever indicated an interest in lying together like this after the fact. ... then again, maybe it's just that shiro is different. a class all on his own. tentatively and with a look fo shyness, keith relaxes his hand and loosely drapes an arm around shiro's shoulder to entwine just that much closer. ]
Yeah, I'm comfy.
[ he moves his face a quarter inch closer again, the tip of his nose just brushing shiro's. ]
It's the first time I've ever slept with someone like this. It's kinda nice.. even if a little cramped.
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bad move. he shouldn’t be picturing keith disheveled or sex flushed or anything when their bodies are pressed in close. certainly not when keith’s nose is brushing his again, his small puffs of breath fanning the minimal space between them. shiro’s lips part on the next breath and pull in air, thinking of how it’s shared and if he really focuses, maybe there’s a hint of taste –
he squeezes his eyes a little more forcibly closed, huffing to expel that shared breath. this isn’t shiro’s first time by any means, but it’s been a long time since he last did this. here, he’s upsetting himself over the thought of keith stumbling away after relations and yet, that’s all shiro’s done too since arriving here. god, he’s clearly more starved for soft, sleepy affections than he would have ever dared to think. ]
A little. [ but yes, nice. he laughs to cover up the direction of his thoughts, eyes still closed and fingers ending their caress. ] Go to sleep, Keith. Dream of a bigger bed. You’ll forget all about me being here… hogging all the space.
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he couldn't say for sure whether or not shiro is thinking along similar lines. maybe he is, considering they were talking about anal together earlier, but the thought only makes the squirmy feeling in keith's stomach bloom and curl his toes. a little guiltily, keith hastily clears his throat and half mumbles into the pillow. ]
The point is that I'm sharing the cot with you. [ implied: so why would i want to forget? face warming for the umpteenth time, keith holds his breath for two beats, then releases it slowly. ] ... I like it.
the icon is a lie
shiro cracks his eyes open on the thought, staring through half-lidded eyes at keith’s too close face. silently, he lists off the wordless hints that he’s been too ridiculous to notice for what they are. bodies close, arms draped, feet tangled, noses brushing, space gone – there’s also a quiet i like it that taps awake his resolve. keith’s been indicating this whole time that he’s open to it, hasn't he?
yeah, he’s been looking at this all wrong. maybe keith hasn’t been properly kissed because others are as stupid and blind as shiro is. maybe they’re all hesitating too, even though keith’s done everything right by meeting them – him – halfway. more than halfway. all shiro has to do is tilt his face a few slivers closer and there, done, someone will have finally given keith the small token of affection that he deserves.
thinking it is one thing, doing it is another. he’s motivated though. even a little chastised. if no one else is going to take care of keith, then shiro will. it’s easier when it’s framed like that and so, the honesty keeps, a few seconds delayed – ]
I like it too.
[ – being breathed between them. confidence builds and he follows through by arcing across the pillow to press his lips to keith’s. one – he holds his breath. two – he forgets to close his eyes. three – his arm tightens around keith, even while his mouth remains butterfly light. onto the fourth beat and he eases off the gentle pressure, only then closing his eyes as he settles back on the pillow. if there’s a cue here to talk about what he just did, shiro misses it and instead only murmurs a soft: ]
Goodnight, Keith. Sweet dreams.
omg you lied to me
goodnight? sweet dreams?
keith laughs without completely meaning to. part incredulous, part helpless outlet for the amplified jittery, tingling feeling, keith starts talking before he has any idea of what he actually wants to say. ]
Did you just...
[ kiss me? he trails off after hearing his own hopefulness unfiltered in voice. there aren't many ways to misinterpret four whole beats of gentle lip to lip contact, but surely if that's how shiro meant it, there would be some acknowledgement afterwards? maybe? yes? no? second guessing wildly, keith flushes and clears his throat. he isn't able to stamp out his jubilance, but his tone is a little more subdued all the same as he gently curls his fingers along the small of shiro's back. ]
I mean... sweet dreams? [ shit, why is that a question again? keith clears his throat a second time, then hastily closes his eyes before this turns into a conversation he's not entirely sure he's capable of handling right this moment. what does it even mean if friends kiss to say good night just because they can? and putting that aside, does this mean shiro thinks kissing feels right? warmth buzzing pleasantly under shiro's hands, keith tucks himself in just a little closer, ducking his head to rest under his best firend's chin. ]
Night, Shiro.