[ shiro has two pairs of eyes watching him for vastly different reasons. keith is admittedly surprised by the break into laughter, his glum expression cracking to give way to tepid curiosity. the wolf on the other hand? the pupper's eyes narrow as shiro eats his initial forkful of noodle, letting out a chiding whuffling noise as if to say hey, that's not for you.
that bit of minor antagonism gets entirely misunderstood by keith who simply assumes the wolf would like more ear skreitching. keith is happy to oblige, of course, though his uptick in mood slowly wanes as shiro begins to ramble. ... not that it's a bad thing exactly, just that keith is equally split on whether he's supposed to feel better or worse about having his anxieties validated.
better, maybe? if only because it makes him feel slightly less crazy, but then wh the hell finds reassurance in being personally haunted by a vengeful ghost and how exactly does one fight them off? one doesn't exactly need to be a ghost aficionado to suspect the usual knives and stabby things don't work on intangibles. so what's he meantt to find? a priest? holy water?
yeah. okay. feeling foolish, keith directs a huff of air up to ruffle his bangs, but before he can say anything there's a forkful of noodles being held up to his mouth. ]
Huh?
[ forgive him. the implication is obvious. open up. keith registers that a fraction late, flushing slightly as he blinks from the noodles to shiro. ]
You're... gonna feed me?
[ the flush spreads further up to his ears. he's reall yon some kind of roll with regards to pointing out the fucking obvious, huh? but still. he looks back at the fork, only to shift his gaze back to shiro. ]
I... [ it's a simple solution and a very simple gesture, but it has the unfortunate side effect of making keith realize tat he's never actually had aanyone offer to feed him this way. .... or at least, the last time he had something fed to him, it was very much not a forkful of noodles. heart racing inexplicably, keith quickly banishes the thought of anon'hard cock with a shy, mumbled: ]
Okay.
[ before leaning forward to accept his mouthful. holding eye contact with shiro during this proves to be a little too embarrassing though, and quickly keith shifts his gaze back down to shiro's .. mouth? no -- his shoulder. yes. very safe.
the noodles are warm -- probably a little too warm like they may be affected by whatever stupid porn prison magic is happening, but they're good and keith's stomach rumbles in approval. the wolf, too, finally stops glaring and resumes his happy nuzzling. unsure of what the hell the feeding protocol is, on whether he should be letting shiro pull the fork out of his mouth or what, keith nervously takes a bite and tries not to think too hard about sucking tihings as he slrups the noodles off the tines. face burning for reasons he's desperately hoping shiro won't ask about, keith murmurs: ]
[ y… es…? is that weird? of the number of things they’ve done together, not just here, but during voltron as well, there are much stranger scenarios in comparison. yet, somehow sitting together with shiro feeding keith seems like a more meaningful task than it actually is. why? because keith is vulnerable in his dependence on shiro? it’s not the first time. as fierce as keith is to endure, shiro’s been keith’s rescuer a few times. so why does this feel… intimate?
shiro mulls it over and comes up empty on explanation, though not on emotion. now that it’s in his head, he sees it from a different lens and rather than it being a simple repetition of fork and offer, he’s paying closer attention to keith’s face. to his mouth.
not the right time, he tells himself.
they’ve got a chaperone, at least, and the continued presence of the wolf is one shiro is entirely aware of. he seems, for the moment, subdued, however, and shiro is more than okay with keith indulging that happy nuzzling to keep the wolf’s dog glare off of him. those ears do perk a moment later, though. because shiro makes the mistake of laughing softly to keith’s thank you, which is, honestly, adorable. shiro’s lips pull hard into a smile and hopeless on the rush of affection, shiro ducks his head to stare into the cup, partly shielding the happy look about him. ]
You’re welcome.
[ he’s got the fork back in the cup, swirling around to line the prongs with noodles, peas, corn and carrots. ]
Hopefully this burning curse doesn’t last too long, otherwise meal times are gonna be pretty interesting from here on out.
[ if keith can chew food without burning, maybe he can handle food himself. if that’s possible, then shiro should try to locate some handheld meals – though, he supposes anything can be handheld if messiness is not a concern. they could test that out here, actually. he could scoop out some noodles and have keith touch them with his fingers. later, he thinks, and keeps on routine of bringing the fork out of the cup, extending in offer.. ]
I don’t mind, of course. It’s kinda fun.
[ … fun? he keeps his smile through the inward cringe. ]
[ keith ought to be chewing and swallowing his mouthful of ramen. instead, he's busy being a little mesmerized by the sight of shiro smiling down at the styrofoam cup, and feeling all the guiltier for ever having entertained the thought of another guy's cock. inadvertently, true, but with the initial fluster slowly wearing away, keith relaxes into the comforting uptilt of shiro's lips.
shiro's happy, the wolf is happy. as uncomfortable as the solitary cell is, in the moment keith likes that the three of them are crowded together in the narrow space, his two favorite beings in the universe both within arms reach to be pulled in for cuddles on demand. stupid because the prison is still a nightmare outside, but he's content in the knowledge that he doesn't have to face any of that alone.
ah, but he was meant to be eating not daydreaming.
shiro carries on, and keith actually snorts at the comment. ]
Fun? [ he swallows hastily, the look on his face playful. ] Y'know. You used to call things like racing out in the desert and cliff diving fun. Now it's feeding me? Next thing I know, you'll be telling me how fun the crossword is, old-timer.
[ he laughs, then obediently opens his mouth to accept his next bite of ramen. now that he's not anticipating a burn from the food, he actually chews, looking contemplative as he reaches across to gently squeeze shiro's knee. ]
... I can't remember the last time someone went out of their way to care for me like this. So I guess I'm glad it's fun.
[ shiro counts himself lucky that fun doesn’t land wrong. it has all the potential to; afterall, there’s something low key unsettling about having fun in a cramped space, when keith is severely hampered and dependent on shiro. that’s what they do though: make due with the terrible lot they’re given. he’s always appreciated that about keith; his ability to endure. he wishes circumstances weren’t so often compromised for keith, for either of them, really, but it’s nice to see that he can still make keith smile and laugh, no, snort, despite there being every reason not to.
still, old-timer? come on.
teeth lined up and occluded, shiro exhales through them for a tch, though, the smile that keeps gives away his amusement. he warms in a way that is near automatic any time he earns himself an intimate touch for keith and that right there, the hand on his knee, has shiro a little fluttery in the belly. not that it dissuades him from catching keith’s wrist between finger and thumb, giving the skin a gentle, retaliatory pinch. ]
Uh huh. I’m glad you're glad and not judging me at all.
[ he does miss that though. the desert and all the freedom that came with their adventures out there. no cliffs around here. no hoverbikes, either. there is a level of freedom here, in that they are allowed to roam the compound as they please – more so now, with it seemingly abandoned – but the activities are set for the most part, as well as the ever daunting knowledge that autonomy is a privilege that comes and goes. he tries not to dwell on it. thinking too deeply about this, any of this, including their current positions of sitting inside a solitary cell that keith’s meant to occupy, will only ruin the pocket of peace they’ve managed to create for each other.
so he forks some more and laughs with his next breath. ]
It’s your fault, anyway. [ he’s looking to the cup again, repeating motions. ] Just… it’s you. It’s easy to find enjoyment in moments spent with you.
[ ready for another mouthful, keith? because here it is. that alone dwarfs the sentimental moment, but shiro takes it a step further by curtailing the sweetness of his voice and twisting it sing-songy with suggestion. ]
So if you’d like to help me with that crossword sometime…
[ the retaliatory pinch earns shiro a wrinkling of keith's nose, though even that half hearted gesture of protest is fleeting. how could it not be when his best friend is being a cheesy dork about spending time together? sure, there's a morbid element to it these days, but that's been a factor for years, hasn't it? they days when they could simply sneak out of the garrison compound and ride off into the arizona dessert without a care in the world are bygone days, their friendship now more recently characterized as moments of reprieve between battles and diplomatic meetings.
it's messed up beyond reason to think that pron prison of all places is somehow arguably a break from a grueling war when it's been an endless assault imposition on their freedoms, but here they are. undeterred by the pinching, keith brushes his palm up shiro's thigh and gives that a gentle squeezing as well. wondering if they'll ever manage to exist together when there isn't some fuckery going on threatens to be bittersweet though, so keith instead focuses on the here and now, and the next bite being offered to him.
of course, if shiro wants to paint a nice picture of himself in a rocker with a crossword puzzle in his lap, keith is going to huff a little before accepting his bite. ]
Maybe if I get a reward for helping. [ chew, chew, chew, frown, chew, swallow. ] I miiiight be convinced if I get a reward that's four letters ending in s.
[ so he has to pay off his sort of, not quite boyfriend to indulge his old-timer fondness for crossword puzzles. what is the world coming to? shiro grins to himself, chin tucked in close and face angled to the cup. swirling the contents, he chuckles through one full twist of the fork but ultimately, doesn’t gather any noodles. instead, he places the cup on the ground. ]
Oh?
[ it’s easy enough to guess, but even easier – and more tempting – to pretend he hasn’t a clue. one, two, he taps his fingers to the rim of the cup and then brings his hands toward his body, resting one on his knee, while the other covers keith’s at his thigh. ]
Let’s see… – cars? [ he knows how fond keith is of cars; fond enough to steal one from shiro once upon a time. the memory pulls a laugh out of him, as well as a fond smile. ] Dogs? [ the space wolf perks at that, both ears flicking and head lifting from the comfortable lounging he’d be doing, cuddled up close to keith’s side. ] Nah, you’ve already got one.
[ the comment is met with a snouty huff. dog. right. the correct terminology is space wolf. does shiro backtrack though? nah. he’s already moving onto – ]
Lips? [ his own spread, gaze drooping to pointedly stare at keith’s. ] Kiss?
[ bingo, right? maybe. probably. but shiro doesn’t let it stand. he squeezes keith’s hand to stave off a response and then he’s sitting up straighter, flexing the line of his shoulders. ]
Oh wait, I know it. Pecs. [ that not so subtle flex? widens the set of his shoulders and broadens the width of his chest, making his pectorals stand out. a little cocky, a little playful, and a lot delighted to peacock for his not boyfriend. ] Is my set a nice enough reward?
[ oh, huh. and here keith thought he'd been pretty lacking in subtlety.
....which is to say , someone misses the cue that his is all pageantry on shiro's part, and is very genuinely spellbound by the show. keith raises an eyebrow, and after propping his elbow up on his knee, rests his chin on his palm with an expectant smile. honestly, it's something to watch shiro's imagination in action. who knew there are so many great four letter words ending in s that keith really appreciates?
he's already grinning wide, not even bothering to be coy about mhis delight by the time shiro gets to guess number three, snouty indignant huff be damned. not that keith can really blame the space wolf for the grump, considering his exposure to earth dogs has been limited to a sample size of one. he absentmindedly gives the wolf a reassuring snout scratch, but his focus stays with shiro.
the pointed staring at his mouth does funny flip-floppy things to his stomach, but before he can shy nod to kiss, shiro's barreled straight ahead to pecs. hhis expression briefly goes wide eyed in his surprise but then of course he's looking at the goods presented. [
I....
[ fuck. there's a lot to like about shiro. it's strange actually being able to look and appreciate for once, rather than crushing inappropriate thoughts before they can get out of hand. what's kind of embarrassing is how obvious he must have been about looking and touching if shiro's noticed. flushing very slightly, keith manages a tiny defiant laugh like he hasn't, in fact, been accurately called out and tries for a very nonchalant: ]
[ the cell is cramped. it’s boxed in with a length to width distance of, maybe, five, six feet. by the looks of it, there isn’t enough distance for keith, with his long, long legs, to comfortably lie down. their location leaves much to be desired, though that’s precisely why shiro doesn’t balk at the suggestion to strip. it’s such a ridiculous thing to suggestion given the circumstances, which downplays the act itself. not that shiro has a problem with pulling off his shirt in front of keith; not anymore, at least. they’ve been to the bathhouse, they’ve been to the beach, they’ve been sleeping together and occasionally changing in front of each other; showing scarred skin and the meeting junction of metal to flesh doesn’t carry the same weight that it used to.
so shiro keeps right on in that playful vein of conversation and grasps the hem of his shirt. it’s plain in make and color, the loose, black tee e a cheap purchase he picked up from the prisoner run market. he may have lived in the same outfit while on the castleship, but shiro is doing his best to avoid that here. ]
Ah. Gotta make sure the goods are worth it… – how very prudent of you.
[ nonetheless, even with repetition and knowledge, there’s always going to be a small, very small twinge of anxiety that comes with pulling his shirt up and off, while eyes are on him. he does it smoothly enough; no obvious pauses or hesitations. he even keeps his smile all the way through, though it softens for a beat of shyness as he drops his shirt on the ground to his right. he pulls in a breath and sets his shoulders again, gaze finding keith’s…
and here he goes.
one flex, two flex, three flex. the first has his right pec jumping higher for one beat. the second follows the same movement, but this time with the left. for the third flex, he has both pecs moving together, distinctly bouncing. he doesn’t keep it up after that, but he could. for now, however, he sits there expectant and eager, grin spreading wide. ]
you say this like most of our threads arent stupid
[ it's precisely because the situation doesn't call for stripping that keith is not adequately prepared for this. actually -- forget adequately. not one iota of keith had sincerely expected any level of indulgency and that much is very plain by the dumbfounded oh of his face when shiro takes off the shirt. it's hardly the first time keith has seen shiro without a shirt on, and all things considered this is still far more dressed than he's previously seen his best friend who he's going steady with. kinda. sorta. maybe. possibly. whatever that means.
keith might have recoevered if that were the end of it. true, there are a lot of vicious scars that criss cross his best friend's skin, but the figure he cuts is so striking all the same that keith can't help the fluttering lurch in his chest every time he's lucky enough to see.
but noooooo. shiro isn't content with just presenting an unobscure view, he has to put on a fucking show. the first jump of his pec actually makes keith half squawk in his surprise, eyes going owlishly round as he stares in sheer disbelief at what he's seeing. another bounce makes it clear that it wasn't some random muscle spasm or a fluke. ]
Woah...
[ a little spell bound, the word slips out of him unconsciously. the wolf looks up then as well, head swiveling from keith to shiro to figure out what the hubbub is about. the wolf doesn't seem to get it at all. shiro flexes for the last time, making the wolf flinch back, like he's expecting some kind of chest burster. keith , on the other hand, is riveted and simulataneously bombarded with a sudden tsunami of questions. questions like when the fuck shiro learned how to do this and why.
he blinks, slow to take his eyes off shiro's chest long after the flexing is over until a strange clarity hits him upside the head. he doesn't care. he doesn't care why shiro decided he was going to master this because the image of shiro practicing in the shower or in his cube while nobody is looking is the most endeared he's felt in a while. chest expanding in a sudden rush of affection, the pressure has nowhere to go but out in a delighted leaugh. ]
Shiro, that's -- pffff
[ he never finishes what that is. he hangs his head in helpless laughter that shakes his whole body, free hand coming up to half heartedly hide one rose flushed cheek. the wolf seems just as taken aback by keith's outpouring of happiness, giving each boy a confused headtilt stare before wagging his tail to show puzzled solidarity. keith meanwhile struggles to catch his breath, wiping at his eyes as he gasps: ]
How are you the most precious dork in the universe?
[ patience yields focus can account for some of this skill’s development. there is no grand story behind it, really; just a younger shiro, who spent a good portion of his day cycling through weight training sets, all with the disease of his body in mind. he hadn’t been big at galaxy garrison, not like a year spent in the gladiator pits and alien experimentation rendered him as, but he’d had decent hypertrophy to his muscles, enough to give him something to work with. and boy, did he work with it. hot on the idea of mastering his deteriorating body and taking it to its full potential, shiro set goals for himself: certain weights to hit for lifts, mostly, but control of his muscles came in another way too. learning how to flex his pecs, to jar the muscles and move them freely had been a silly, yet challenging task. it took him awhile, but inevitably…
adam hadn’t laughed anything like this.
shiro’s grin spreads even wider, the stretch pulling so incessantly that his cheeks ache with it. it’s fine though. it’s good, because right here, right now, for a few very precious moments, everything is right in this fucked up world. is it too cheesy to say keith’s laughter is rejuvenating? fine, shiro won’t say it. he feels it, though. it flutters shiro’s chest with happy, giddy feeling and has him squirming, just a little, in his seat from the onslaught of pride he feels for causing this. this is worth everything: keith carefree and unapologetic in his delight, if only temporary. it’s a good look, one that shiro wishes his best friend kept to far more often.
distance quickly becomes the enemy. shiro huffs and leans forward, one hand bracing to the floor and the other reaching for keith. ]
Me? No. That’s you.
[ he grasps keith’s thigh and pulls, trying to drag keith by the leg closer. it’s a movement that’s only going to happen if keith helps by scooting along. either way, shiro keeps leaning in, already well into keith’s space. ]
You’re the one giggling over dancing pecs. [ adorably goes unsaid. ] And the one who’s so charmed that you’re going to kiss the extremely talented guy with the…
[ the space wolf is growling. it starts suddenly, with the wolf’s ears flattening back. shiro stops short and loses all traces of mirth to instead, shoot the wolf an exasperated look, voice annoyed. ]
Come on. [ the wolf isn’t looking at him though. for a creature who is voicing his disdain for shiro making a move on his favorite person, the wolf is very interested in the wall opposite the door. ] Do you really have a problem with… – huh?
[ there’s movement out of the corner of his eye and then he’s matching the wolf’s stare to the other wall where something simply materializes through it. something, no – someone? she doesn’t look right. she doesn’t feel right. ]
Keith.
[ the wolf is already on that side, up now and sufficiently blocking keith from this new, unwanted presence. shiro lets go of keith’s leg but he’s pushing him to move, to get up and get to the door, to at the very least, put some distance between them all. probably the best course of actin to take, considering the greeting ends up being an ominous: ]
[ it doesn't matter how many times keith's experienced the disorienting whiplash of extremes, each time is jarring and having all levity sucked from the atmosphere takes the air in his lungs with it. keith chokes on the embers of his laughter, eyes round as he looks from his growling wolf to the ghost materializing through the cinderblock wall.
nothing about her is recognizable. the corpse in the trunk had been badly decayed, and any semblance of a face had long been mummified. this ... thing could be that body, it could be fucking anything else for all keith knows, but when it speaks, she speaks with a voice like nails splintering on a chalkboard. keith flinches back, hand reaching for a knife and a bayard that aren't there. panic sets in a moment later when she surveys the three of them with empty sockets and speaks: ]
ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴍɪɴᴇ, ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜɪᴇғ. ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ.
[ eyes widening in alarm, keith doesn't even bother trying to piece out what it is she's even talking about. the paper? the trinket? the container? all three? right now, that's not a mystery that's important to him. right now, what's important is grabbing hold of shiro's shirt and tugging insistently to keep his best friend from getting any closer to the threat. ]
I don't know what you're talking about!
[ the wolf growls, baring pointy teeth in warning. the ghost shrieks, flailing rotting arms wildly as she pitches forward. ]
[ so this is the something from the lighthouse? it’s the logical conclusion in an illogical situation and with there being little to no time to process the threat before adrenaline kicks in, shiro takes to that jump easily enough. little thief only bolsters the idea, not that having an idea of what is unfolding before them gives shiro any idea on how to handle it. it’s a mess of conflicting actons. keith pulls at him but shiro isn’t cooperating, because he’s busy pushing at keith and together, they’re hindering each other more so than they’re aiding. ]
Keith.
[ again, imploring keith to move and to get behind him, as well as to safety, shiro knocks that hand away to push keith harder. the space wolf is holding the front line and shiro won’t fight him for it, but he does fight keith to get into the next line of defense. he scrambles on his knees, still so vulnerable. he turns though and upon facing the spirit, monster, whatever this cursed thing is, fluorescent purple lights up the lines of his arm. ]
He doesn’t have it!
[ right keith…? it’s only then that shiro realizes keith never said who wound up with the trinket or the paper. something to ponder later when there isn’t a threat screeching and pitching forward.
will his arm work on her? how can he possibly brawl with something that can materialize through solid objects? doubt fuels the panic. as long as he can distract her long enough for keith to gain some distance, if he would simply cooperate…
the space wolf kicks a hind leg back, knocking into shiro. that growling face looks back at him, but shiro’s gaze is immediately pulled to the creature coming forward and coming fast, limbs frantic and face twisted up with a fury that demands violence. breath catches and shiro tries to say keith’s name again, feeling him at his back where shiro is still trying to push him with his other hand.
and then zap. everything changes.
this is how he winds up staring at the wall of his own cube. he only knows it’s his cube once he turns his head, seeing the familiar bed and the little stacks of ramen boxes on the counter. ]
Oh.
[ he looks behind him and there’s keith. or more so, there’s the space wolf, bullying keith by sheer weight to push him down on the ground and lick his face in a show of relief and affection. shiro feels it too; relief. but it’s soured with the knowledge that this is only a temporary fix. he swallows down that unease, trying to keep his voice clear of it. ]
Good thinking. That’ll buy us some time.
[ … hmph. here shiro is, on the rare occasion of complimenting the space wolf, and the space wolf can’t be bothered to acknowledge him. he simply keeps nuzzling keith’s face. guess shiro can't blame him. ]
[ they've dealt with worse than screeching ghosts, but that doesn't answer the question of how to actually make it stop. or no -- there is one way, and that'd involve getting the trinket or whatever it is back to the ghost. the question is -- why does it want that? why did it even take the ghost this long to figure out that it was missing? why now?
it doesn't matter. at least not right now. both the wolf and shiro are standing in front of him and all keith can think is that it's his fault that they're in any danger right now. that he borught this upon the two of them. teeth grit, he doesn't get any further in the plan to try and push shiro out of the way because there's a white flash. next thing he knows, he's on his back with two heavy paws pressing on his chest and a tongue spreading slobber across his chin and neck. the disorientation isn't helped in the slightest by the fact that his view of the ceiling gives him no real indication of where the fuck the wolf teleported him.
or wait-- ]
Shiro!
[ he starts, trying to nudge the wolf's snout away to sit up. the wolf huffs as if to say keith pls. it's a rather unnecessary bit of chiding if only because shiro speaks in the following beat and keith finally gets a more useful view of their bed. only then does keith actually relax a bit, throwing an arm around the wolf to lean against his side. ]
Thanks.
[ the word is murmured against the wolf's fur, relief plainly audible though he isn't optimistic enough to think the danger has actually passed. the feeling that something is out looking for him isn't just a feeling anymore, but some dangerous monster intent on chasing keith down. meaning .... of course, that lance and angel are likely in trouble as well? and as long as he sticks close to shiro and the wolf that those two will be in danger too?
keith glances up, expression exhausted as he calls out to shiro. ]
I... I shouldn't stay here. If that thing is gonna follow me, I can't put you at risk.
[ it probably says something about shiro as leader that in all this time, he hasn’t thought much at all about lance ( or angel for that matter ). even his attempted diversion by telling that cursed being that keith doesn’t have what she’s looking for, carries an implied look elsewhere. meaning? lance or angel. it’s not that shiro doesn’t care. it’s that he plays favorites. it’s unbecoming of a leader, he supposes, but realistic in nature. it’s an impossibility to remain impartial; to remain completely detached from one’s own feelings. shiro tries, of course. he wants to even the playing field and be there in equal amounts to everyone on the team. but the ugly truth of the matter, is that if it comes down to it, keith will always edge out the others.
when was the last time he checked in on lance, pidge, hunk anyway? they certainly don’t operate as a team here. perhaps they aren’t shiro’s responsibility any longer.
there on the floor, shiro watches the space wolf fawn over his sole responsibility and feels oddly inadequate in the moment. he’s failing a lot of people right now, isn’t he? refusing to sit there and wallow in his own shortcomings, shiro pushes himself to his feet instead. shirt or tablet first? the fact that he’s still thinking to delay, even a few seconds, from sending lance a text is another mark against him.
tablet there on the counter, shiro stops before it and starts tapping away with metal fingers. hopefully lance isn’t also suffering from an inability to touch without suffering a burn. ]
And I can’t be expected to sit by while this thing hunts you down.
[ the retort comes easy. shiro doesn’t even look up. text sent, one asking a generalized status report, shiro looks over to keith then, mouth half-tilted and worn. ]
You know I’ll never agree to that, best save your breath.
Edited (best say your breath, keith...) 2022-10-10 02:09 (UTC)
[ there's nothing even remotely surprising about that answer. shiro wouldn't be shiro if he could ever be content to sit back while others are in danger, but... ]
That thing is after me.
[ can keith be said to be keith if he were content to be the one putting others at risk? ]
There's no reason for you to be dragged into this mess, too. Shiro, if you got hurt, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself, you know?
[ it's an argument that's likely going to fall on deaf ears. as much as keith loves shiro, sometimes arguing with him can be like arguing with a brick wall. giving the wold a gentle pat, keith spares him an apologetic look before brushing him aside to walk the short distance to where shiro is standing. hesitant but determined, keith touches his arm gripping it tight. ]
[ no, the argument isn’t falling on deaf ears. shiro’s listening and he’s turning more fully, his attention with the tablet waning. it’s just – the argument is too easy to pick apart. he’s already in this mess. shiro wouldn’t have it any other way, either. not that he doesn’t understand where keith is coming from. the concern is right in line with shiro’s: if something were to happen to keith, from this ghost or otherwise, shiro would carry that guilt forever. in some part, it has to do with his station as leader, but mostly, it has everything to do with keith being just about the most important aspect in shiro’s life.
keith’s been part of his life for years, even in the gaps that have kept them apart. shiro doesn’t know how he’d be able to function if that stable fixture was ripped away.
so is shiro being more selfless or more selfish in refusing to go? is he doing this more for keith or more for himself? afterall, the more self-preserving option is not, in fact, the one that has shiro running off to safety. ]
Well, I’m not going to let anything hurt you, either. [ he’s certain he’s said more or less the same vow before, but a little reiteration never hurt anyone. he smiles a little more fully, briefly alight with playful vibes. ] Can’t leave now and be a liar.
[ see what he did there? he sobers soon enough, the stretch of his smile once again wearing thin. still, he lets keith clutch at his arm as tight as he likes as he turns more into him, other hand coming around to cup, lightly, at the small of keith’s back. ]
Your problems are my problems, Keith. So I'm gonna be here for you, no matter the risks. We’re in this together, as always.
[ this isn't an argument. barely even a debate, really. shiro was right about saying saving his breath because the discussion's over before it's begun. just ... how is keith supposed to argue against this? they're just going to go in circles about who's more important and in the endd keith supposes it's kinda funny that they'd do this, but that doesn't extinguish his stubbornness. at least, not yet.
he catches the smile on shiro's face and actually does a double take. shiro smiling isn't a rare sight or anything, but the fact that he's able to do so now, like this whole mess isn't a big deal just throws keith off enough that he forgets the script. instead he stares for a beat too long, expression longing before he finally gets it together enough to bump his forehead to shiro's pec.
fuck. maybe this whole situation really is stupid if they''re dodging ghosts with one shirt on between them. ]
Shiro.....
[ the name is whined, but that's it. that's the end of keith's resistance. he doesn't want to argue, he wants to keep shiro safe. not just shiro -- but the wolf, and nlance and angel and --
keith sighs, huffing a deep breath with his face still partly buried. ]
[ and back into his tiddy he goes. truthfully, shiro’s relieved. he’d been fairly confident he’d be on the winning side of the debate, but keith is and will forever be a wildcard; as well as he knows him, shiro can never fully predict how keith will react when he’s outmaneuvered. here, it goes as smoothly as he could hope for. so he stands there and is silent through the whining of his name. he continues to do little with the arm being held hostage by keith but he does curl his other more securely around, holding him in something closer to a hug.
and then the moment isn’t as smooth.
shiro supposes he finds it funny, in that exasperated, how-is-this-happening sort of way. they’ve circled back to this topic a few times now, each discussion never leading to anything concrete. their relationship continues to be this ambiguous, unspoken thing. it’s largely shiro’s fault, he realizes that. keith is young and inexperienced, and while that isn’t necessarily an excuse for being incapable of putting a label on what they’re doing here, in comparison to shiro, who has enough experience with relationships and commitments to have gotten engaged, it’s fair to cut keith some slack.
honestly, shiro can hardly articulate what the problem is at this point. he likes keith and keith likes him, that’s as plain as daylight. the desire is there; it’s so potent just from them kissing that sometimes shiro has to steal off to relieve his needs elsewhere, with someone who is not keith.
yeah. not keith…
don’t get sidetracked. he abandons that uneasy trail of thought before he can get lost in it, again. he just… can’t seem to catch traction with keith, even though he wants to. perhaps it’s because he’s over-thought and agonized and built up the pressure in his head, to the point that he doesn’t know how to ease beyond light touches. the timing has to be right. yeah? at this rate, it’s never going to be.
he sighs, taking comfort in not having the whole of keith’s attention on his face as he glances off to the side. ]
I thought so, too.
[ he pauses, weighing the words in his mind. it was easier thinking that, like only kinda being involved would protect their friendship. naïve, foolish thinking. he knows better than that. glancing down at keith then, shiro rubs at his back and gives a small, encouraging smile, a hint of nervousness in it. ]
But I’m finding it’s difficult to do anything in half-measures when it comes to you.
[ drawn in by the hug, keith turns his face, scarred cheek pressed to shiro's chest. it's the wrong side to be listening for a heart beat, but he stays quiet through one, then two cycles of breath, allowing himself to relax. not that relaxation is deserved; for all he knows the ghost monster can materialize through the walls of shiro's cube at any moment. then they'll have to teleport out with the wolf, rinse and repeat until ... what?
they give her what she wants?
kinda being with him just sounds like a massive headache, though keith doesn't breathe life into that. instead, he slowly brings his arm up to wrap around shiro's waist. already in a self chastising mood, keith misinterprets.
...Sorry. I really don't mean to drag you or anyone else into messes like this. Together kinda together or not at all.
[ … they’re talking about two different things. embarrassment comes with the realization, because wow, shiro’s thinking about the status of their relationship while keith is talking about a vengeful ghost and how he shouldn’t be made to be kind of involved. though, keith said kind of together; he had to have been referencing their last conversation on their dating situation, right? kind of together as a team, when a threat is involved doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. when have they ever been anything less than all in for each other’s safety?
gah. he’s going about this wrong. he’s wasting energy trying to figure out how they got here, rather than figuring out how to get them past this.
the easy option is to forget before and pick up here, to go right along with the ghost situation. prudent, too, seeing as that’s the immediate threat. but shiro had just been exasperated and weary over circling back to this same conversation; if he doesn’t want to revisit it again, at least not in this same uncertain, murky way of theirs, maybe they should spend the few minutes to tidy it up. ]
That’s not what I meant.
[ hand pausing at keith’s mid-back, shiro stares down, eyeing the sprouted hair at the crown of keith’s head. ]
I meant it’s hard being kinda together with you because I’d rather be together-together with you.
[ keith looks up before he's ready with a response. visibly caught off guard, he blinks, expression owlish for the three beats it takes for his brain to catch up with the current of conversation. ]
Together-together ... as in ...
[ boyfriend. the word keith is looking for is boyfriend, but breathing life into the concept comes with the incredible risk of falling flat on his face if he's misinterpreted. keith isn't sure how else he ought to be taking shiro's words, but if there's one thing keith's learned never to underestimate, it's his debatable social skill.
another beat, and keith is glad he kept his mouth shut. how does one even manage being boyfirneds in a place like this? what would that even mean or look like? and would shiro really want him as a boyfriend if he knew about the many trysts he's had with anon? the note he's still holding onto from that night with the words you mean a lot to me written on them?
boyfriends means a lot of things -- keith would assume monogamy is built into that. of course, polyamory and all that exist, but it's... yet another thing keith had never quite envisioned for himself, despite actively living that messed up reality. uncertain of how to feel, and unable to answer why he hasn't thrown that note away, keith convinces himself boyfriend isn't what shiro's getting at.
what it could be is the other thing that porn prison puts front and center in their daily lives keith's face warms as he subtly ducks eye contact to look at the wall. together-together is a real convoluted euphemism for sex to start with, but would shiro really even be suggesting that now?]
I'm... lost. I think I'm doing that whole more-deeper thing again.
[ keith’s going to make him do it, isn’t he? explain it. shiro pulls his hand free and then he’s got it to his face, eyes closed as he knocks his face down into the cupping of his hand. thumb to one temple, fingers to the other, he massages the tension, groaning pitifully. ]
Yeah. Sorry. This is a really bad time to bring this up.
[ he doesn’t come up. he’s still got his eyes closed, part hiding into his hand. ]
I thought you were bringing it up but – I guess not? [ stop shoving the blame onto keith; it isn’t his fault shiro heard what he heard and jumped right into it.
and he doesn’t know why his brain immediately went there. maybe it’s the whole thing with the ghost. that keith is in danger and still thinking he should go at it alone, like shiro wouldn’t be completely devastated if something were to happen to him. same with the punishment of solitary confinement. yes, the tablet burned and maybe there wasn’t any time to send him a message anyway, but the point remains that, sometimes, shiro feels like he’s only kind of privy to what’s going on in keith’s life. and he’d like to change that. to be more involved and more aware, to better take care of him.
not that they need to be boyfriends for that to happen, but it’s a course of action that, oddly, makes sense to shiro, despite their surroundings. they’re fighting inevitability here. shiro likes keith and keith likes shiro; more than that, they desire each other, don’t they? yes, he thinks with certainty. it got muddled along the way due, largely, to shiro, and now, he’d like to correct that, so that they can lean into each other more fully. ]
Just…
[ he draws a breath and releases it on a sigh, one that punctuates the dropping of his hand and the opening of his eyes. he looks down at him then, cupping behind his shoulder. ]
I don’t want to kind of be together or sort of go steady. My feelings for you are a lot more… all in than that.
[ keith is instantly sorry for the amount of exasperation shiro must be feeling. he manages to hold his tongue, but the twinge of guilt burns as shiro rubs at his temple. he's not good at this. who'd have thought pushing everyone away and then having his young adult life uprooted by a space war would have some negative consequences for his ability to talk relationships and feelings and --
keith sighs, trying to expel the combination of defensiveness and self reproach before either can take root. right now, all he has to do is listen to shiro and wait for clarity. he's lucky, he supposes, in that shiro is patient and doesn't just brush this whole thing off with a 'whatever' and get right back to business and talk ghost busting.
still, it makes keith blink and take a half step back to try and get a clearer look at shiro''s face. so then, this is about boyfriends? keith tries not to stare, but he's about three seconds too late for that resolve to mean much of anything. ]
Wow. You uh... really weren't kidding about the bad timing.
[ the words start out fazed, ending on a sheepish laugh. fuck -- what even is his own reaction? his head feels strangely empty and as if to compensate his chest feels full. he wants to enjoy this, but in the back of his mind he keeps thinking about anon and that affection laden note and doesn't know if he ought to be feeling guilty or ashamed or what.
perhaps nothing at all because he doesn't necessarily want anon the way he wants to be around shiro, but it still feels disqualifying to be keeping a tiny part of anon locked away in his cube. glancing down at his feet, keith worries at his lower lip briefly. ]
I... you already know that you mean more to me than I know how to say.
[ but? is there a but? keith looks up, with a worn smile. ]
[ yeah, what is that reaction? keith agreeing with him in this case isn’t a bad thing necessarily. expected, if shiro’s honest. keith doesn’t have much of a filter, shiro knows that, and that shoddy editing system is often made worse when the boy is caught by surprise. so really, shiro brought this upon himself. it’s his fault keith blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, rather than taking an extra moment to empathize and piece together something nice and tidy to preserve shiro’s self-confidence. stop it, he tells himself; that was petty, wasn’t it?
guilt dots at his mood, adding to the agitation of him not being able to anticipate where this is going. the movement back, as well as the amount of time it’s taking for keith to look the tiniest bit happy should be answer enough for him: keith isn’t all in. it’s a foreign realization. maybe he’s taken keith for granted. his loyalty is steadfast and his favor intense; it’s not arrogant of shiro to recognize that he’s been a focal point of keith’s for years. he just thought… – since everything has been progressing so well between them in the quiet, intimate moments they manage to find in this place, that they could try for a little more.
but keith’s biting at his lip and looking down, and again, shiro wonders if that’s meant to be his answer. keith started out wanting everything in the beginning, but now he – doesn’t? hesitated too long. shiro exhales slowly through his nose, shoulders drooping bit by bit until his lungs are nearly empty. it’s a reset on his outlook; when he inhales, he pushes away the sore, disappointed feelings, and reminds himself that keith is the most important person to him. his friendship, above all else, is what needs to be kept safe between them. he’s not going to make this harder than it needs to be.
it helps, at least, that keith throws him a bone by reminding him that he means a lot to him. then why not? why not more? because of where they are? because keith’s found more comfort with someone else? stop it, he tells himself again, and musters up a small smile that does very little to brighten his expression. he drops his hands from keith, giving up the hug and the caress at his shoulder, only to resume contact by taking his hand with his left. he holds his fingers gently, thumb skirting across his knuckles. ]
[ is there a but coming? spun straight back to that question he'd been asking himself, keith glances down at their joint hands, twisting his wrist to interlace their fingers and squeeze. an already stupid question manages to sound even stupider said in shiro's voice.
of course there's no "but." as much as keith tries to keep some information withheld from shiro on account of shiro's well being, affection isn't something he needs to ration and be careful with. not with shiro. if anything, it's his feelings about anonymous that needs to be kept under tighter wraps and closer scrutiny. or perhaps cut off entirely?
you mean a lot to me.
why is he so hung up on what might've just been a throwaway line meant to get him to relax and spread his legs? because it came with a fucking dorky smiley? why is he even thinking about this when anon's feelings towards him are completely unrelated to this moment where he should be happy that shiro is telling him that he cares? keith looks up then, throat tight and shakes his head. ]
There isn't one. [ he manages a huffed almost self-deprecating laugh and smiles. ] I guess...I don't know what I'm doing. I'm nervous? I've never been together-together with anyone and I dunno if I'll be any good at it .. you know. Here.
[ not the cell, but porn prison as a whole. keith gestures vaguely around them just to try and make that a bit clearer. ]
... and I guess I just thought you didn't want to. With me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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that bit of minor antagonism gets entirely misunderstood by keith who simply assumes the wolf would like more ear skreitching. keith is happy to oblige, of course, though his uptick in mood slowly wanes as shiro begins to ramble. ... not that it's a bad thing exactly, just that keith is equally split on whether he's supposed to feel better or worse about having his anxieties validated.
better, maybe? if only because it makes him feel slightly less crazy, but then wh the hell finds reassurance in being personally haunted by a vengeful ghost and how exactly does one fight them off? one doesn't exactly need to be a ghost aficionado to suspect the usual knives and stabby things don't work on intangibles. so what's he meantt to find? a priest? holy water?
yeah. okay. feeling foolish, keith directs a huff of air up to ruffle his bangs, but before he can say anything there's a forkful of noodles being held up to his mouth. ]
Huh?
[ forgive him. the implication is obvious. open up. keith registers that a fraction late, flushing slightly as he blinks from the noodles to shiro. ]
You're... gonna feed me?
[ the flush spreads further up to his ears. he's reall yon some kind of roll with regards to pointing out the fucking obvious, huh? but still. he looks back at the fork, only to shift his gaze back to shiro. ]
I... [ it's a simple solution and a very simple gesture, but it has the unfortunate side effect of making keith realize tat he's never actually had aanyone offer to feed him this way. .... or at least, the last time he had something fed to him, it was very much not a forkful of noodles. heart racing inexplicably, keith quickly banishes the thought of anon'hard cock with a shy, mumbled: ]
Okay.
[ before leaning forward to accept his mouthful. holding eye contact with shiro during this proves to be a little too embarrassing though, and quickly keith shifts his gaze back down to shiro's .. mouth? no -- his shoulder. yes. very safe.
the noodles are warm -- probably a little too warm like they may be affected by whatever stupid porn prison magic is happening, but they're good and keith's stomach rumbles in approval. the wolf, too, finally stops glaring and resumes his happy nuzzling. unsure of what the hell the feeding protocol is, on whether he should be letting shiro pull the fork out of his mouth or what, keith nervously takes a bite and tries not to think too hard about sucking tihings as he slrups the noodles off the tines. face burning for reasons he's desperately hoping shiro won't ask about, keith murmurs: ]
'Fankyoo.
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shiro mulls it over and comes up empty on explanation, though not on emotion. now that it’s in his head, he sees it from a different lens and rather than it being a simple repetition of fork and offer, he’s paying closer attention to keith’s face. to his mouth.
not the right time, he tells himself.
they’ve got a chaperone, at least, and the continued presence of the wolf is one shiro is entirely aware of. he seems, for the moment, subdued, however, and shiro is more than okay with keith indulging that happy nuzzling to keep the wolf’s dog glare off of him. those ears do perk a moment later, though. because shiro makes the mistake of laughing softly to keith’s thank you, which is, honestly, adorable. shiro’s lips pull hard into a smile and hopeless on the rush of affection, shiro ducks his head to stare into the cup, partly shielding the happy look about him. ]
You’re welcome.
[ he’s got the fork back in the cup, swirling around to line the prongs with noodles, peas, corn and carrots. ]
Hopefully this burning curse doesn’t last too long, otherwise meal times are gonna be pretty interesting from here on out.
[ if keith can chew food without burning, maybe he can handle food himself. if that’s possible, then shiro should try to locate some handheld meals – though, he supposes anything can be handheld if messiness is not a concern. they could test that out here, actually. he could scoop out some noodles and have keith touch them with his fingers. later, he thinks, and keeps on routine of bringing the fork out of the cup, extending in offer.. ]
I don’t mind, of course. It’s kinda fun.
[ … fun? he keeps his smile through the inward cringe. ]
no subject
shiro's happy, the wolf is happy. as uncomfortable as the solitary cell is, in the moment keith likes that the three of them are crowded together in the narrow space, his two favorite beings in the universe both within arms reach to be pulled in for cuddles on demand. stupid because the prison is still a nightmare outside, but he's content in the knowledge that he doesn't have to face any of that alone.
ah, but he was meant to be eating not daydreaming.
shiro carries on, and keith actually snorts at the comment. ]
Fun? [ he swallows hastily, the look on his face playful. ] Y'know. You used to call things like racing out in the desert and cliff diving fun. Now it's feeding me? Next thing I know, you'll be telling me how fun the crossword is, old-timer.
[ he laughs, then obediently opens his mouth to accept his next bite of ramen. now that he's not anticipating a burn from the food, he actually chews, looking contemplative as he reaches across to gently squeeze shiro's knee. ]
... I can't remember the last time someone went out of their way to care for me like this. So I guess I'm glad it's fun.
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still, old-timer? come on.
teeth lined up and occluded, shiro exhales through them for a tch, though, the smile that keeps gives away his amusement. he warms in a way that is near automatic any time he earns himself an intimate touch for keith and that right there, the hand on his knee, has shiro a little fluttery in the belly. not that it dissuades him from catching keith’s wrist between finger and thumb, giving the skin a gentle, retaliatory pinch. ]
Uh huh. I’m glad you're glad and not judging me at all.
[ he does miss that though. the desert and all the freedom that came with their adventures out there. no cliffs around here. no hoverbikes, either. there is a level of freedom here, in that they are allowed to roam the compound as they please – more so now, with it seemingly abandoned – but the activities are set for the most part, as well as the ever daunting knowledge that autonomy is a privilege that comes and goes. he tries not to dwell on it. thinking too deeply about this, any of this, including their current positions of sitting inside a solitary cell that keith’s meant to occupy, will only ruin the pocket of peace they’ve managed to create for each other.
so he forks some more and laughs with his next breath. ]
It’s your fault, anyway. [ he’s looking to the cup again, repeating motions. ] Just… it’s you. It’s easy to find enjoyment in moments spent with you.
[ ready for another mouthful, keith? because here it is. that alone dwarfs the sentimental moment, but shiro takes it a step further by curtailing the sweetness of his voice and twisting it sing-songy with suggestion. ]
So if you’d like to help me with that crossword sometime…
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it's messed up beyond reason to think that pron prison of all places is somehow arguably a break from a grueling war when it's been an endless assault imposition on their freedoms, but here they are. undeterred by the pinching, keith brushes his palm up shiro's thigh and gives that a gentle squeezing as well. wondering if they'll ever manage to exist together when there isn't some fuckery going on threatens to be bittersweet though, so keith instead focuses on the here and now, and the next bite being offered to him.
of course, if shiro wants to paint a nice picture of himself in a rocker with a crossword puzzle in his lap, keith is going to huff a little before accepting his bite. ]
Maybe if I get a reward for helping. [ chew, chew, chew, frown, chew, swallow. ] I miiiight be convinced if I get a reward that's four letters ending in s.
no subject
Oh?
[ it’s easy enough to guess, but even easier – and more tempting – to pretend he hasn’t a clue. one, two, he taps his fingers to the rim of the cup and then brings his hands toward his body, resting one on his knee, while the other covers keith’s at his thigh. ]
Let’s see… – cars? [ he knows how fond keith is of cars; fond enough to steal one from shiro once upon a time. the memory pulls a laugh out of him, as well as a fond smile. ] Dogs? [ the space wolf perks at that, both ears flicking and head lifting from the comfortable lounging he’d be doing, cuddled up close to keith’s side. ] Nah, you’ve already got one.
[ the comment is met with a snouty huff. dog. right. the correct terminology is space wolf. does shiro backtrack though? nah. he’s already moving onto – ]
Lips? [ his own spread, gaze drooping to pointedly stare at keith’s. ] Kiss?
[ bingo, right? maybe. probably. but shiro doesn’t let it stand. he squeezes keith’s hand to stave off a response and then he’s sitting up straighter, flexing the line of his shoulders. ]
Oh wait, I know it. Pecs. [ that not so subtle flex? widens the set of his shoulders and broadens the width of his chest, making his pectorals stand out. a little cocky, a little playful, and a lot delighted to peacock for his not boyfriend. ] Is my set a nice enough reward?
no subject
....which is to say , someone misses the cue that his is all pageantry on shiro's part, and is very genuinely spellbound by the show. keith raises an eyebrow, and after propping his elbow up on his knee, rests his chin on his palm with an expectant smile. honestly, it's something to watch shiro's imagination in action. who knew there are so many great four letter words ending in s that keith really appreciates?
he's already grinning wide, not even bothering to be coy about mhis delight by the time shiro gets to guess number three, snouty indignant huff be damned. not that keith can really blame the space wolf for the grump, considering his exposure to earth dogs has been limited to a sample size of one. he absentmindedly gives the wolf a reassuring snout scratch, but his focus stays with shiro.
the pointed staring at his mouth does funny flip-floppy things to his stomach, but before he can shy nod to kiss, shiro's barreled straight ahead to pecs. hhis expression briefly goes wide eyed in his surprise but then of course he's looking at the goods presented. [
I....
[ fuck. there's a lot to like about shiro. it's strange actually being able to look and appreciate for once, rather than crushing inappropriate thoughts before they can get out of hand. what's kind of embarrassing is how obvious he must have been about looking and touching if shiro's noticed. flushing very slightly, keith manages a tiny defiant laugh like he hasn't, in fact, been accurately called out and tries for a very nonchalant: ]
I dunno. Take off the shirt and lemme see.
ftr, this is so stupid
so shiro keeps right on in that playful vein of conversation and grasps the hem of his shirt. it’s plain in make and color, the loose, black tee e a cheap purchase he picked up from the prisoner run market. he may have lived in the same outfit while on the castleship, but shiro is doing his best to avoid that here. ]
Ah. Gotta make sure the goods are worth it… – how very prudent of you.
[ nonetheless, even with repetition and knowledge, there’s always going to be a small, very small twinge of anxiety that comes with pulling his shirt up and off, while eyes are on him. he does it smoothly enough; no obvious pauses or hesitations. he even keeps his smile all the way through, though it softens for a beat of shyness as he drops his shirt on the ground to his right. he pulls in a breath and sets his shoulders again, gaze finding keith’s…
and here he goes.
one flex, two flex, three flex. the first has his right pec jumping higher for one beat. the second follows the same movement, but this time with the left. for the third flex, he has both pecs moving together, distinctly bouncing. he doesn’t keep it up after that, but he could. for now, however, he sits there expectant and eager, grin spreading wide. ]
you say this like most of our threads arent stupid
keith might have recoevered if that were the end of it. true, there are a lot of vicious scars that criss cross his best friend's skin, but the figure he cuts is so striking all the same that keith can't help the fluttering lurch in his chest every time he's lucky enough to see.
but noooooo. shiro isn't content with just presenting an unobscure view, he has to put on a fucking show. the first jump of his pec actually makes keith half squawk in his surprise, eyes going owlishly round as he stares in sheer disbelief at what he's seeing. another bounce makes it clear that it wasn't some random muscle spasm or a fluke. ]
Woah...
[ a little spell bound, the word slips out of him unconsciously. the wolf looks up then as well, head swiveling from keith to shiro to figure out what the hubbub is about. the wolf doesn't seem to get it at all. shiro flexes for the last time, making the wolf flinch back, like he's expecting some kind of chest burster. keith , on the other hand, is riveted and simulataneously bombarded with a sudden tsunami of questions. questions like when the fuck shiro learned how to do this and why.
he blinks, slow to take his eyes off shiro's chest long after the flexing is over until a strange clarity hits him upside the head. he doesn't care. he doesn't care why shiro decided he was going to master this because the image of shiro practicing in the shower or in his cube while nobody is looking is the most endeared he's felt in a while. chest expanding in a sudden rush of affection, the pressure has nowhere to go but out in a delighted leaugh. ]
Shiro, that's -- pffff
[ he never finishes what that is. he hangs his head in helpless laughter that shakes his whole body, free hand coming up to half heartedly hide one rose flushed cheek. the wolf seems just as taken aback by keith's outpouring of happiness, giving each boy a confused headtilt stare before wagging his tail to show puzzled solidarity. keith meanwhile struggles to catch his breath, wiping at his eyes as he gasps: ]
How are you the most precious dork in the universe?
fair point
adam hadn’t laughed anything like this.
shiro’s grin spreads even wider, the stretch pulling so incessantly that his cheeks ache with it. it’s fine though. it’s good, because right here, right now, for a few very precious moments, everything is right in this fucked up world. is it too cheesy to say keith’s laughter is rejuvenating? fine, shiro won’t say it. he feels it, though. it flutters shiro’s chest with happy, giddy feeling and has him squirming, just a little, in his seat from the onslaught of pride he feels for causing this. this is worth everything: keith carefree and unapologetic in his delight, if only temporary. it’s a good look, one that shiro wishes his best friend kept to far more often.
distance quickly becomes the enemy. shiro huffs and leans forward, one hand bracing to the floor and the other reaching for keith. ]
Me? No. That’s you.
[ he grasps keith’s thigh and pulls, trying to drag keith by the leg closer. it’s a movement that’s only going to happen if keith helps by scooting along. either way, shiro keeps leaning in, already well into keith’s space. ]
You’re the one giggling over dancing pecs. [ adorably goes unsaid. ] And the one who’s so charmed that you’re going to kiss the extremely talented guy with the…
[ the space wolf is growling. it starts suddenly, with the wolf’s ears flattening back. shiro stops short and loses all traces of mirth to instead, shoot the wolf an exasperated look, voice annoyed. ]
Come on. [ the wolf isn’t looking at him though. for a creature who is voicing his disdain for shiro making a move on his favorite person, the wolf is very interested in the wall opposite the door. ] Do you really have a problem with… – huh?
[ there’s movement out of the corner of his eye and then he’s matching the wolf’s stare to the other wall where something simply materializes through it. something, no – someone? she doesn’t look right. she doesn’t feel right. ]
Keith.
[ the wolf is already on that side, up now and sufficiently blocking keith from this new, unwanted presence. shiro lets go of keith’s leg but he’s pushing him to move, to get up and get to the door, to at the very least, put some distance between them all. probably the best course of actin to take, considering the greeting ends up being an ominous: ]
ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ.
no subject
nothing about her is recognizable. the corpse in the trunk had been badly decayed, and any semblance of a face had long been mummified. this ... thing could be that body, it could be fucking anything else for all keith knows, but when it speaks, she speaks with a voice like nails splintering on a chalkboard. keith flinches back, hand reaching for a knife and a bayard that aren't there. panic sets in a moment later when she surveys the three of them with empty sockets and speaks: ]
ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴍɪɴᴇ, ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜɪᴇғ. ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ.
[ eyes widening in alarm, keith doesn't even bother trying to piece out what it is she's even talking about. the paper? the trinket? the container? all three? right now, that's not a mystery that's important to him. right now, what's important is grabbing hold of shiro's shirt and tugging insistently to keep his best friend from getting any closer to the threat. ]
I don't know what you're talking about!
[ the wolf growls, baring pointy teeth in warning. the ghost shrieks, flailing rotting arms wildly as she pitches forward. ]
ʟɪᴀʀ!! ʟɪᴀʀ! ʟɪᴀʀ! ʟɪᴀʀ! ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ!!
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Keith.
[ again, imploring keith to move and to get behind him, as well as to safety, shiro knocks that hand away to push keith harder. the space wolf is holding the front line and shiro won’t fight him for it, but he does fight keith to get into the next line of defense. he scrambles on his knees, still so vulnerable. he turns though and upon facing the spirit, monster, whatever this cursed thing is, fluorescent purple lights up the lines of his arm. ]
He doesn’t have it!
[ right keith…? it’s only then that shiro realizes keith never said who wound up with the trinket or the paper. something to ponder later when there isn’t a threat screeching and pitching forward.
will his arm work on her? how can he possibly brawl with something that can materialize through solid objects? doubt fuels the panic. as long as he can distract her long enough for keith to gain some distance, if he would simply cooperate…
the space wolf kicks a hind leg back, knocking into shiro. that growling face looks back at him, but shiro’s gaze is immediately pulled to the creature coming forward and coming fast, limbs frantic and face twisted up with a fury that demands violence. breath catches and shiro tries to say keith’s name again, feeling him at his back where shiro is still trying to push him with his other hand.
and then zap. everything changes.
this is how he winds up staring at the wall of his own cube. he only knows it’s his cube once he turns his head, seeing the familiar bed and the little stacks of ramen boxes on the counter. ]
Oh.
[ he looks behind him and there’s keith. or more so, there’s the space wolf, bullying keith by sheer weight to push him down on the ground and lick his face in a show of relief and affection. shiro feels it too; relief. but it’s soured with the knowledge that this is only a temporary fix. he swallows down that unease, trying to keep his voice clear of it. ]
Good thinking. That’ll buy us some time.
[ … hmph. here shiro is, on the rare occasion of complimenting the space wolf, and the space wolf can’t be bothered to acknowledge him. he simply keeps nuzzling keith’s face. guess shiro can't blame him. ]
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it doesn't matter. at least not right now. both the wolf and shiro are standing in front of him and all keith can think is that it's his fault that they're in any danger right now. that he borught this upon the two of them. teeth grit, he doesn't get any further in the plan to try and push shiro out of the way because there's a white flash. next thing he knows, he's on his back with two heavy paws pressing on his chest and a tongue spreading slobber across his chin and neck. the disorientation isn't helped in the slightest by the fact that his view of the ceiling gives him no real indication of where the fuck the wolf teleported him.
or wait-- ]
Shiro!
[ he starts, trying to nudge the wolf's snout away to sit up. the wolf huffs as if to say keith pls. it's a rather unnecessary bit of chiding if only because shiro speaks in the following beat and keith finally gets a more useful view of their bed. only then does keith actually relax a bit, throwing an arm around the wolf to lean against his side. ]
Thanks.
[ the word is murmured against the wolf's fur, relief plainly audible though he isn't optimistic enough to think the danger has actually passed. the feeling that something is out looking for him isn't just a feeling anymore, but some dangerous monster intent on chasing keith down. meaning .... of course, that lance and angel are likely in trouble as well? and as long as he sticks close to shiro and the wolf that those two will be in danger too?
keith glances up, expression exhausted as he calls out to shiro. ]
I... I shouldn't stay here. If that thing is gonna follow me, I can't put you at risk.
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when was the last time he checked in on lance, pidge, hunk anyway? they certainly don’t operate as a team here. perhaps they aren’t shiro’s responsibility any longer.
there on the floor, shiro watches the space wolf fawn over his sole responsibility and feels oddly inadequate in the moment. he’s failing a lot of people right now, isn’t he? refusing to sit there and wallow in his own shortcomings, shiro pushes himself to his feet instead. shirt or tablet first? the fact that he’s still thinking to delay, even a few seconds, from sending lance a text is another mark against him.
tablet there on the counter, shiro stops before it and starts tapping away with metal fingers. hopefully lance isn’t also suffering from an inability to touch without suffering a burn. ]
And I can’t be expected to sit by while this thing hunts you down.
[ the retort comes easy. shiro doesn’t even look up. text sent, one asking a generalized status report, shiro looks over to keith then, mouth half-tilted and worn. ]
You know I’ll never agree to that, best save your breath.
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That thing is after me.
[ can keith be said to be keith if he were content to be the one putting others at risk? ]
There's no reason for you to be dragged into this mess, too. Shiro, if you got hurt, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself, you know?
[ it's an argument that's likely going to fall on deaf ears. as much as keith loves shiro, sometimes arguing with him can be like arguing with a brick wall. giving the wold a gentle pat, keith spares him an apologetic look before brushing him aside to walk the short distance to where shiro is standing. hesitant but determined, keith touches his arm gripping it tight. ]
I said I wouldn't let anything hurt you.
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keith’s been part of his life for years, even in the gaps that have kept them apart. shiro doesn’t know how he’d be able to function if that stable fixture was ripped away.
so is shiro being more selfless or more selfish in refusing to go? is he doing this more for keith or more for himself? afterall, the more self-preserving option is not, in fact, the one that has shiro running off to safety. ]
Well, I’m not going to let anything hurt you, either. [ he’s certain he’s said more or less the same vow before, but a little reiteration never hurt anyone. he smiles a little more fully, briefly alight with playful vibes. ] Can’t leave now and be a liar.
[ see what he did there? he sobers soon enough, the stretch of his smile once again wearing thin. still, he lets keith clutch at his arm as tight as he likes as he turns more into him, other hand coming around to cup, lightly, at the small of keith’s back. ]
Your problems are my problems, Keith. So I'm gonna be here for you, no matter the risks. We’re in this together, as always.
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sayingsaving his breath because the discussion's over before it's begun. just ... how is keith supposed to argue against this? they're just going to go in circles about who's more important and in the endd keith supposes it's kinda funny that they'd do this, but that doesn't extinguish his stubbornness. at least, not yet.he catches the smile on shiro's face and actually does a double take. shiro smiling isn't a rare sight or anything, but the fact that he's able to do so now, like this whole mess isn't a big deal just throws keith off enough that he forgets the script. instead he stares for a beat too long, expression longing before he finally gets it together enough to bump his forehead to shiro's pec.
fuck. maybe this whole situation really is stupid if they''re dodging ghosts with one shirt on between them. ]
Shiro.....
[ the name is whined, but that's it. that's the end of keith's resistance. he doesn't want to argue, he wants to keep shiro safe. not just shiro -- but the wolf, and nlance and angel and --
keith sighs, huffing a deep breath with his face still partly buried. ]
I thought we were only kind of together.
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and then the moment isn’t as smooth.
shiro supposes he finds it funny, in that exasperated, how-is-this-happening sort of way. they’ve circled back to this topic a few times now, each discussion never leading to anything concrete. their relationship continues to be this ambiguous, unspoken thing. it’s largely shiro’s fault, he realizes that. keith is young and inexperienced, and while that isn’t necessarily an excuse for being incapable of putting a label on what they’re doing here, in comparison to shiro, who has enough experience with relationships and commitments to have gotten engaged, it’s fair to cut keith some slack.
honestly, shiro can hardly articulate what the problem is at this point. he likes keith and keith likes him, that’s as plain as daylight. the desire is there; it’s so potent just from them kissing that sometimes shiro has to steal off to relieve his needs elsewhere, with someone who is not keith.
yeah. not keith…
don’t get sidetracked. he abandons that uneasy trail of thought before he can get lost in it, again. he just… can’t seem to catch traction with keith, even though he wants to. perhaps it’s because he’s over-thought and agonized and built up the pressure in his head, to the point that he doesn’t know how to ease beyond light touches. the timing has to be right. yeah? at this rate, it’s never going to be.
he sighs, taking comfort in not having the whole of keith’s attention on his face as he glances off to the side. ]
I thought so, too.
[ he pauses, weighing the words in his mind. it was easier thinking that, like only kinda being involved would protect their friendship. naïve, foolish thinking. he knows better than that. glancing down at keith then, shiro rubs at his back and gives a small, encouraging smile, a hint of nervousness in it. ]
But I’m finding it’s difficult to do anything in half-measures when it comes to you.
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they give her what she wants?
kinda being with him just sounds like a massive headache, though keith doesn't breathe life into that. instead, he slowly brings his arm up to wrap around shiro's waist. already in a self chastising mood, keith misinterprets.
...Sorry. I really don't mean to drag you or anyone else into messes like this. Together kinda together or not at all.
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gah. he’s going about this wrong. he’s wasting energy trying to figure out how they got here, rather than figuring out how to get them past this.
the easy option is to forget before and pick up here, to go right along with the ghost situation. prudent, too, seeing as that’s the immediate threat. but shiro had just been exasperated and weary over circling back to this same conversation; if he doesn’t want to revisit it again, at least not in this same uncertain, murky way of theirs, maybe they should spend the few minutes to tidy it up. ]
That’s not what I meant.
[ hand pausing at keith’s mid-back, shiro stares down, eyeing the sprouted hair at the crown of keith’s head. ]
I meant it’s hard being kinda together with you because I’d rather be together-together with you.
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Together-together ... as in ...
[ boyfriend. the word keith is looking for is boyfriend, but breathing life into the concept comes with the incredible risk of falling flat on his face if he's misinterpreted. keith isn't sure how else he ought to be taking shiro's words, but if there's one thing keith's learned never to underestimate, it's his debatable social skill.
another beat, and keith is glad he kept his mouth shut. how does one even manage being boyfirneds in a place like this? what would that even mean or look like? and would shiro really want him as a boyfriend if he knew about the many trysts he's had with anon? the note he's still holding onto from that night with the words you mean a lot to me written on them?
boyfriends means a lot of things -- keith would assume monogamy is built into that. of course, polyamory and all that exist, but it's... yet another thing keith had never quite envisioned for himself, despite actively living that messed up reality. uncertain of how to feel, and unable to answer why he hasn't thrown that note away, keith convinces himself boyfriend isn't what shiro's getting at.
what it could be is the other thing that porn prison puts front and center in their daily lives keith's face warms as he subtly ducks eye contact to look at the wall. together-together is a real convoluted euphemism for sex to start with, but would shiro really even be suggesting that now?]
I'm... lost. I think I'm doing that whole more-deeper thing again.
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Yeah. Sorry. This is a really bad time to bring this up.
[ he doesn’t come up. he’s still got his eyes closed, part hiding into his hand. ]
I thought you were bringing it up but – I guess not? [ stop shoving the blame onto keith; it isn’t his fault shiro heard what he heard and jumped right into it.
and he doesn’t know why his brain immediately went there. maybe it’s the whole thing with the ghost. that keith is in danger and still thinking he should go at it alone, like shiro wouldn’t be completely devastated if something were to happen to him. same with the punishment of solitary confinement. yes, the tablet burned and maybe there wasn’t any time to send him a message anyway, but the point remains that, sometimes, shiro feels like he’s only kind of privy to what’s going on in keith’s life. and he’d like to change that. to be more involved and more aware, to better take care of him.
not that they need to be boyfriends for that to happen, but it’s a course of action that, oddly, makes sense to shiro, despite their surroundings. they’re fighting inevitability here. shiro likes keith and keith likes shiro; more than that, they desire each other, don’t they? yes, he thinks with certainty. it got muddled along the way due, largely, to shiro, and now, he’d like to correct that, so that they can lean into each other more fully. ]
Just…
[ he draws a breath and releases it on a sigh, one that punctuates the dropping of his hand and the opening of his eyes. he looks down at him then, cupping behind his shoulder. ]
I don’t want to kind of be together or sort of go steady. My feelings for you are a lot more… all in than that.
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keith sighs, trying to expel the combination of defensiveness and self reproach before either can take root. right now, all he has to do is listen to shiro and wait for clarity. he's lucky, he supposes, in that shiro is patient and doesn't just brush this whole thing off with a 'whatever' and get right back to business and talk ghost busting.
still, it makes keith blink and take a half step back to try and get a clearer look at shiro''s face. so then, this is about boyfriends? keith tries not to stare, but he's about three seconds too late for that resolve to mean much of anything. ]
Wow. You uh... really weren't kidding about the bad timing.
[ the words start out fazed, ending on a sheepish laugh. fuck -- what even is his own reaction? his head feels strangely empty and as if to compensate his chest feels full. he wants to enjoy this, but in the back of his mind he keeps thinking about anon and that affection laden note and doesn't know if he ought to be feeling guilty or ashamed or what.
perhaps nothing at all because he doesn't necessarily want anon the way he wants to be around shiro, but it still feels disqualifying to be keeping a tiny part of anon locked away in his cube. glancing down at his feet, keith worries at his lower lip briefly. ]
I... you already know that you mean more to me than I know how to say.
[ but? is there a but? keith looks up, with a worn smile. ]
More than you know.
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guilt dots at his mood, adding to the agitation of him not being able to anticipate where this is going. the movement back, as well as the amount of time it’s taking for keith to look the tiniest bit happy should be answer enough for him: keith isn’t all in. it’s a foreign realization. maybe he’s taken keith for granted. his loyalty is steadfast and his favor intense; it’s not arrogant of shiro to recognize that he’s been a focal point of keith’s for years. he just thought… – since everything has been progressing so well between them in the quiet, intimate moments they manage to find in this place, that they could try for a little more.
but keith’s biting at his lip and looking down, and again, shiro wonders if that’s meant to be his answer. keith started out wanting everything in the beginning, but now he – doesn’t? hesitated too long. shiro exhales slowly through his nose, shoulders drooping bit by bit until his lungs are nearly empty. it’s a reset on his outlook; when he inhales, he pushes away the sore, disappointed feelings, and reminds himself that keith is the most important person to him. his friendship, above all else, is what needs to be kept safe between them. he’s not going to make this harder than it needs to be.
it helps, at least, that keith throws him a bone by reminding him that he means a lot to him. then why not? why not more? because of where they are? because keith’s found more comfort with someone else? stop it, he tells himself again, and musters up a small smile that does very little to brighten his expression. he drops his hands from keith, giving up the hug and the caress at his shoulder, only to resume contact by taking his hand with his left. he holds his fingers gently, thumb skirting across his knuckles. ]
Then why does it sound like there’s a but coming?
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of course there's no "but." as much as keith tries to keep some information withheld from shiro on account of shiro's well being, affection isn't something he needs to ration and be careful with. not with shiro. if anything, it's his feelings about anonymous that needs to be kept under tighter wraps and closer scrutiny. or perhaps cut off entirely?
you mean a lot to me.
why is he so hung up on what might've just been a throwaway line meant to get him to relax and spread his legs? because it came with a fucking dorky smiley? why is he even thinking about this when anon's feelings towards him are completely unrelated to this moment where he should be happy that shiro is telling him that he cares? keith looks up then, throat tight and shakes his head. ]
There isn't one. [ he manages a huffed almost self-deprecating laugh and smiles. ] I guess...I don't know what I'm doing. I'm nervous? I've never been together-together with anyone and I dunno if I'll be any good at it .. you know. Here.
[ not the cell, but porn prison as a whole. keith gestures vaguely around them just to try and make that a bit clearer. ]
... and I guess I just thought you didn't want to. With me.
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