[ keith goes quiet, still not budging from the spot he's rooted himself to. ask me anything opens up an entire floodgate worth of potential that keith no longer even knows what he wants to do with. it would help if he were allowed to put himself back together and be alone for a while to evaluate his own wants and desires, but given the uphill battle just to get to this point of transparency, keith doesn't trust it to stay open for long. ]
What am I to you?
[ a loaded question perhaps, but it's the easiest place to start. ]
[ my best friend. is the obvious answer. my family. is the less expected but just as true response. shiro’s grown to value each member of team voltron, but those newly forged friendships are nowhere near as invaluable to him as his connection with keith. keith’s the one who’s been there before and after. before kerberos, before voltron, before shiro became some changed thing that even he doesn't recognize some days. and even then, he’s stuck around after it all…
or did, up until a few minutes ago. now shiro isn’t so sure if that’ll remain true. and that’s a gut-churning thought because: ]
[ there are any number of answers to that question. best friend. paladin of voltron. right hand. obviously, whatever differences there are between their realities, some things have just held true. enough of them really, that keith can't bring himself to tell shiro about the end of their fight with xarkon. more repetition of commonly held facts would at least set some kind of grounding for this spiraling feeling at the pit of keith's stomach, but he doesn't get told he's a soldier or a friend.
you’re the one person I can’t stand to lose.
keith actually startles somewhat, enough so that he turns to look over his shoulder at shiro with a truly miserable expression on his face. has shiro always felt this way? keith searches his memor. sure, shiro had told him way back when that he wanted keith to lead, that he believes in keith, but this goes a hell of a lot deeper than that.
nobody's ever said anything like this to him. not when he left team voltron after the clone's discovery. hell, even after that stunt he pulled on naxzella, most of what he heard was justifiable outrage over the stupidity of his kamikaze strategy to take down haggar's cruiser.
keith stares, something inside him fracturing further into tiny pieces as he offers up a faint smile and shakes his head. ]
That kinda sounds like ...
[ you need me. keith trails off, realization hitting like a sledgehammer to the back of his head. need. is that why shiro had turned sour and cold out of nowhere? needing someone had always been dirty to keith. needing like a child needs a lost parent. keith looks down, biting hard on the inside of his cheek. ]
You're not gonna lose me if you never give up on me, you know?
[ it's meant as a joke, but there's something choked up and vulnerable in keith's tone of voice. he turns then, head bowed and again feeling guilty and exhausted. ]
....doubly so because I'm never giving up on you. Just... I had a really bad day, Shiro. I can't deal with you questioning who you are to me any more than you can, okay?
[ oh. there’s a smile. it’s tiny, sure, but shiro can work with that and he does, quickly. all it takes is a glimpse of it and shiro perks up in his seat, a smile appearing on his own face in answer. hopeful and eager, shiro doesn’t have it in him to mask the way he’s hanging off of keith’s every word. keith doesn’t even finish that statement, but shiro doesn’t chase for an ending. he keeps thinking patience and please, and is ultimately rewarded by keith turning around.
silently, he bobbles his head, though the reassurance he’s supposed to feel doesn’t follow it; is it actually that easy to keep keith? shiro’s faith and support for keith is what shiro himself is certain in. he doesn’t envision ever giving up on keith, not after all these years and obstacles. but things change. who knows what the future holds? keith knows, assuming shiro’s reality follows the same or similar to this keith’s history. not for the first time, shiro wonders if something happened in the gap, something that’s rattled them and the team, because something about the thickness of keith’s voice and the way he won’t look up from the floor gives him the distinct feeling that there’s more to never give up on me and i’ll never give up on you.
no. he’s overthinking it. just like he’s been overthinking everything of the past ten minutes. the smile is long gone and he’s back to his impression of a kicked puppy; nonetheless, he powers through the miserable, awkward feeling that follows any unfinished argument. because it is unfinished; they’re calling a truce but shiro doesn’t know where they are on the offer or if they’re actually fine. it’s time to stop being selfish with keith though, huh? ]
Okay.
[ he watches keith in the following pause, everything about his best friend’s body language bothering him. so, wow, look at that, shiro finally remembers that he has working legs. up on his feet now, shiro crosses the room and closes the distance, pausing an arm’s reach in front of him. he frowns, voice gentle. sincere. ]
I’m sorry for making today worse. [ goes without saying that that’s the direct opposite of what he initially came here to do. ] You can kick me out if it’ll make you feel better, I’d deserve it, but… [ just as he’d done earlier, he holds out his right hand. ] If I gave you a hug, would you consider forgiving me?
[ again, just like before keith glances down at the extended hand. what's there to consider is the immediate question that comes to mind, but even keith doesn't know if that's a vote of confidence in their friendship or if it's a shade bitter. what is true, however? ]
You know I can't stay mad at you for long.
[ he huffs, again managing a small smlile. when he reaches for shiro's hand, however, his grip is firm and he steps in for a solid hug. ]
Breaks the universe or something..
[ it's facetiously worded, but there's truth behind that, too. keith doesn't really know what he'd be doing if he were stuck in porn prison and not on speaking terms with his best friend. he sighs, and where the usual etiquette of their routine dictates that it's time to step back, keith stays in the hug. there are things he ought to say, perhaps. let shiro know that he's also been doing a lot of thinking about that day, and not completely in terms of his own humiliation., but with both his brain and words failing him, keith doesn't hazard an attempt. ]
[ breaks the universe, heh, maybe. which universe though? this one? or the one they actually know? at the very least, shiro’s own, personal universe would feel a little broken if a falling out stuck between them. he laughs though, because it’s less painful to play it off like a joke, like it doesn’t actually sting to consider what being shut out by his best friend would feel like. it’s easier to forget it entirely when, in the next moment, keith settles into their patented hug.
the movements are second nature and it all goes smoothly, with shiro winding his free arm around keith. this time, he doesn’t have the armor to contend with and boy, what a difference it makes. keith tucks in with ease and shiro’s struck amazed by how nice it feels. it always feels nice; this isn’t the first time they’ve done it out of the armor either. there’s nothing particularly different about it, and yet, it seems – better…? like they fit more together.
that’s sappy, huh?
either way, it’s nice and it’s good and as such, shiro is reluctant to relax the bend of his arm. keith doesn’t seem to be in much of a rush to follow their usual protocol either. both curious and encouraged by this, shiro continues to hold keith in and soon, he loses track of how long they stand there, holding and leaning into each other. unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. after so much time, inevitably, finally, shiro remembers really bad day and decides it’s time to move this along to hopefully accomplish what he came here to do: ensure keith takes care of himself.
with that in mind, the bend relaxes, though the hand doesn’t leave keith. he slides his arm down to rest mid-torso on keith’s side and he pulls back, just enough to get a look at keith’s face. ]
So, now that we have that straightened out…
[ tentatively, he smiles a wider, more encouraging smile. ]
How about you skip the walk and tuck in for the night? [ half expecting keith to say no, he hardly pauses for breath, tacking on a hasty: ] Like you said, it’s been a rough day. Sleep will do you good.
[ time passes in silence, but rather than feeling stifled, keith actually appreciates it. bodies pressed close and chin resting on a shoulder, keith closes his eyes. actually lets himself relax in the warm circle of shiro's arms and lets the day start to melt away. it's nice like this, he thinks. the extended contact isn't exactly new and they've certainly been far closer than this, but this time it's invited. the thoughts that start to get away from him, however? a little less so.
see, he's starting to wonder yet again, what intimacy could really be like if it started and ended this way, all tender and soft rather than staring down a balsa wood door and eyeing whatever body part is pressed up to the slot. it's a dangerous thought to be having, which is in part why keith doesn't resist when shiro finally ends the hug and pulls away.
getting a grip on himself, keith blinks and empties his head. shiro's right to think he doesn't want to abandon the walk, but after their argument keith isn't ready to say goodbye to the smile tugging on shiro's lips. he sighs inwardly, taking an additional half step back, expression a pinch melancholy despite his half smile. ]
You want me to be a good boy, huh.
[ ... heh. fuck. maybe he's not so done reflecting on his time with anonymous. his smile goes briefly sardonic before keith shakes his head, teasing a pinch airily. ]
[ it’s not an unusual saying. good boy. it’s unoriginal and common, shiro’s heard it in television shows, in passing conversation, in friendly ribbing. heck, people use it all the time with their pets. point is, there’s nothing unique about it that should rattle shiro. it’s keith though. it’s keith teasing shiro if he wants him to be a good boy. a good boy like shiro was for someone else not so long ago…? no, not that kind of good boy; of course, there’s nothing nefarious about this. he knows that and yet, he slips up and gives in for a damning moment, mind committing to memory the exact pitch and drawl of keth’s voice in saying good boy.
the next teasing comes and shiro’s a pinch delayed in a smooth reaction. throat feeling dry, he swallows and holds eye contact, before forcing a smile that he hopes is mostly believable. ]
Yeah.
[ that’s the main hurdle. once he says that and removes all touch from keith, it’s easier to focus on the prime objective here: getting keih into bed. so he turns away and backtracks to the cot. the armor is moved to the floor and the tablet is snatched up in his left while he bends down to pull back the blanket. he straightens up and pivots halfway to glance toward keith, gesturing with his metal hand to the cot in a wordless climb in.
as for the rest? he’ll smile something more genuine and far sweeter this time. ]
Humor me?
Edited (there's a weird gap of space at the bottom of the tag, it bothers me) 2022-06-16 18:36 (UTC)
[ keith raises an eyebrow as shiro lifts the blanket, amusement tugging the corners of his lips upwards. for starters, he can't decide if the implicit expectation that he should sleep in his under-suit is intentional or oversight. intentional might be contextually correct, considering stripping down even further also has implied intimacy that might be best left untouched.
given another beat however, and keith decides he doeesn't care what shiro's getting at. humor me he said, and that's compelling in its own right. ]
Okay.
[ so he cralws into his cot, obediently like a very good boy and lies down, still with the half amused smile on his lips. the look turns decidedly more sheepish when keith looks up at his best friend from this particular angle, but the smile holds nonetheless. ]
[ shiro appreciates keith’s playing along. he’s thankful too, because keith’s being generous with him. it wasn’t so long ago that keith was saying he can take care of himself. playful as all this is, it’s still a show of coddling, and so, even with all his silent reassurances to himself, shiro doesn’t fully relax until keith is on the cot, on his back, and looking up at him with a smile.
sir.
shiro huffs a soft, amused sound. of all things to call him… – he shakes his head, smile tugging harder to one side and plumping that cheek round. ]
Now… [ he grabs the edge of the blanket and pulls it over keith, lying it high, right around his collarbones. ]
We tuck.
[ leaning over keith and with one one hand on each side, shiro bunches material underneath keith with hard shoves of his fingers, outlining the shape of keith’s arms from shoulders to mid-forearms. all the while saying: ]
And we burrito. [ though, this isn’t much of a burrito, is it? he can’t exactly roll keith into the blanket. so, he’ll laugh and amend: ] Or I guess this would be better called enchiladaing.
[ the fact that shiro is a giant dork when he's not trying to play team leader is no secret, but it's a side of his best friend that keith hasn't seen in what feels like a lifetime. big exaggeration, of course. four years is more accurate. a year of shiro lost to kerberos and the galra, a year of war, half of which had been hijacked by an imposter clone trying to kill them all. then two years spent in the quantum abyss. it's kind of depressing how little time they've actually managed to spend together just being friends, huh?
even more depressing when you consider porn prison is the first "break" they've gotten from dealing with existential, nihilistic threats to the cosmos.
the thoughts should really be more bothersome, and yet as soon as shiro starts digging his fingers in to smoosh as much blanket under his body, keith and rolls his eyes affectionately. ]
Now you're just making me hungry, Shiro.
[ how long has it been since he's stuffed an enchilada in his mouth anyway? yet another thought best not had at all. ]
You're supposed to make me want to stay in bed, not entertain thoughts of slipping into dietary.
[ he entertains the idea of continuing on to tuck the blanket all the way down to keith’s heels, but he gives up after two more tucks, that end somewhere around keith’s wrists. hungry? for a split second, he has the irrational feeling of guilt. he’s not sure when keith last ate but considering all that happened, he’s certain he skipped dinner. so should shiro run an errand…?
the question has hardly formed and certainly hasn’t been answered by the time he shifts his gaze to keith’s face. seeing the affection there eases that sudden bit of tension and then he’s piggybacking on the joke, clicking his tongue. ]
Hey, no.
[ blanket abandoned, shiro’s got two free hands; look out. he’ll only be using one though, his left, to push his palm flat to the top of keith’s head and fan his fingers out to tangle and ruffle keith’s hair to oblivion. ]
Get those thoughts outta your head.
[ he gives keith’s hair another two ticks of destruction, just to thoroughly pulverize the thought out of his brain, before he relaxes and lets go. he’s grinning wide and shittily by the end of it, voice light. ]
[ keith squirms as best he can to avoid those meddling fingers, tipping his head back on the pillow with a laugh that's almost too earnest in its simplicity. stripped of all context, keith could even see this playing out back at galaxy garrison. just one scrawny cadet looking to pilfer a midnight snack and not getting a proper reprimand from the junior officers on account of having snuck out together to look at an a rare aurora late at night anyway.
but of course, it's never gonna be that simple ever again, huh? keith grins up, happy and yet feeling caught on some precipice. maybe the truth of it is that he doesn't want things to go back to the way they used to be. it's a daunting thought, but having shiro hover above him smiling down feels right in ways that are part mortifying and yet ... soothing?
he relaxes, shaking his head to let his bangs fall more naturally across his face. ]
[ a tick is all it takes for keith to register what he said and how it must have sounded. the look of dawning realization is about as subtle as an exploding rocket launcher. ]
I --uh.. [fuck. eyes wide, keith chokes on air, stammering through the sudden acceleration of his heart. ] Sleeping literally, I mean. You know. Like we both close our eyes and just do the normal falling asleep thing. Just.. together.
[< a beat.]
In the same cot. Even though it'll be kind of cramped and ....
[ shiro’s got bragging rights for quite a few monumental feats: top of his class, youngest pilot to fly a deep space mission, champion, leader of voltron. he’s accomplished and he’s proud; he’s done a lot more than a pubescent diagnosis initially prescribed for his future. right up there with all of that though? he counts stubborning his way past keith’s spiky, no entry, back the fuck off walls as a pretty impressive victory as well. right here, right now, he feels blessed... lucky. he isn’t so narcissistic to believe he’s the only one who ever gets to see keith open and vulnerable, but there is something rare about keith stripped down to the soft aspects of himself, completely unapologetic in his happiness as he grins and laughs and –
blurts out unfiltered questions.
shiro has just begun retucking the loosened edges of the blanket back underneath keith’s shoulders when the question comes. he pauses mid tuck and glances to keith’s face, curiosity furrowing his brow. it’s keith’s reaction that does him in. shiro feeds off of it immediately. keith’s all wide eyes, choked sounds and stammering words, and it’s impossible for shiro to not have his own heart kick up in its beats, face growing warm with every added explanation.
it should be working the opposite way, shouldn’t it? obviously keith hadn’t meant it that way, so why is everyone flustering here? because, the fact that it needs to be explained at all is telling in its own way. against all rhyme and reason, shiro’s mind drifts to the more perverse interpretation and – no. nope. that’s what got them into the whole mess from earlier. ]
I…
[ it’s a mistake. he should never start talking before he’s thought it through. he catches himself, but the one word hangs heavy between them, accompanied by shiro’s surprised, wide eyes and pinker cheeks. at least keith is too busy trying to hide to analyze whatever the hell it is shiro’s face is doing. though, keith hiding sobers him slightly and then he’s thinking, no, he doesn’t want keith’s happiness swallowed up by this. he misses that grin and that laugh already.
so, he holds the stare a beat longer and then exhales. ] Heh. [ he finally withdraws his hands, though one stays behind to playfully flick at keith’s ear. ] After all my hard work too. I think you just want an excuse to be de-encaladaed.
[ perhaps he’s trying too hard to smooth this over with a joke. but it’s the best he can manage in the immediate aftermath. he needs another fill of his lungs to gather himself – and to commit himself to the decision – but then he’s softening his voice and bleeding it dry of the teasing notes. ]
[ forget about hiding his face in the pillow, keith rather wishes the earth could swallow him whole right about now. wishful thinking like that never goes anywhere though, and the best he can manage is simply avoiding whatever face shiro is making at him. this whole conversation has been nothing but a string of mixed, confusing messages that aren't any closer to getting resolved. the last thing keith wants right now is for whatever mess they just barely managed to pull themselves out of to come back full throttle with continued resentment and disappointment.
heart thumping loud in his chest, he actually twitches when there's a flick at his ear, reflex making keith stop trying to hide to look before he's ready. he misses an obvious beat when shiro leads with an unexpected joke. the expected chastising for nonadherence to the normal bounds of their friendship either, despite shiro's earlier conclusion about wanting to stay as they are.
keith swallows, still a touch too nervous to relax entirely. words feel a little stuck in his throat, but he manages to speak in barely louder than whisper tones. ]
I want you to stay. But only if that's what you want too.
[ or maybe that's redundant? i wanted you too. stil do. shiro is full of contradictory sentiments and keith just can't fucking tell which ones are the ones shiro wants respected. even now trying to unpack it just makes him feel .. lost. he looks up, face still half smooshed into the pillow, one eye peeking through his bangs, waiting. ]
I don't... want you to stay if you feel obligated to.
[ obligated, it makes him laugh. it’s a surprised thing. he doesn’t try for it at all. the light, airy sound simply slips out of him, until he realizes a beat too late and snaps his mouth shut. the truth of the matter is that the opposite is true: he feels obligated to leave. the feeling is backed by the usual reasons. protecting the friendship, stemming the want, preserving the status quo and not dragging them anywhere near the argument of a few minutes ago… but aren’t those reasons what started the argument to begin with? he’s fighting against something he might not have any hope in stopping, not without issuing real, irrevocable damage, and that just isn’t worth it in the end.
at this point, the least shiro can do is be honest. that’s what keith desperately wants from him. so he backs off. he gives up on his hovering and straightens up, regarding half-hidden keith for one, weighed moment. ]
I want to stay.
[ there’s confidence in the words; true genuinity that doesn’t leave much room for doubt. he knows he’s been confusing tonight, saying one thing, saying another, and then backtracking to the original offer, yet giving no concrete conclusion to any of it. in a perfect world, he’d pick for them to remain as they’ve always been: best friends. that’s easy and that’s familiar and it works. he’s beginning to realize though, that he can’t simply enforce his will on their friendship. there’s something brewing between them and the more shiro tries to ignore it, the worse off they become.
he can do this. he can try. it’s simple, yet tentatively intimate, and beneath all the worry and uncertainty, he does actually yearn for that closeness with keith. so, with that, shiro says nothing else and turns to action instead. he means it, honest, because look, he’s unzipping his vest and shrugging it off to toss toward the end of the cot, before sitting down to start unbuckling his boots. ]
[ i want to stay. assertive, unambiguous and followed up with actions that match the sentiment. the relief is hard to qualify, but it washes over keith gently like the rising tide at night. the flimsy cot mattress sags a little as shiro takes his seat, angling keith towards his best friend. he doesn't correct or compensate for that, instead letting entropy pull them a little closer, thigh bumping against shiro's back.
not for the first time, keith is a little lost for words. as much as it'd been hurtful to immediately be accused of diminishing shiro's importance, it's in thinking about words-action incongruity that he thinks maybe he can understand why shiro had been upset in the first place. mulling the thought over from that perspective, keith's expression falters,. he's glad that for the moment shiro can't see his face, and decides he wants it to stay that way just a little bit longer.
he rolls towards shiro, one arm raised taised to curl around shiro's waist from behind in a loose embrace. from there, his movements are tentative, but he presses his palm flat to shiro's belly and breathes out quietly; ]
Good. I want you too.
[ to stay? want shiro in general? both perhaps. the echo of the earlier sentiment comes far too late, keith realizes, but maybe it's better late than never. keith takes in a deeo breath and lets it out with a heavy sigh. ]
... but maybe we could just do things our way. You know. When things feel right.
[ his fingers fumble the moment keith’s thigh touches his back. there’s clothing and blanket between them, but warmth seeps into him and he feels it, hot and solid against him. it leeches at his awareness until it nearly captures his focus in its entirety. still, he gets his fingers into semi-working order and manages to slip off his right boot. he’s just worked off the left when something grazes his side. fingers tighten this time and then he’s grasping hard at the boot as keith’s palm lies flat to his belly. his next breath is shallow, none of it seeping low to expand his abdomen further into that hand.
i want you too.
he hears to, not too. he doesn’t get any further than redundancy; thinking in terms of keith reiterating how he’d like shiro to stay the night. that is, until a sigh and a couple of words later, keith is clearly speaking of something else. it clicks and once again, his fingers go their own way; this time not fumbling, not tightening, but merely loosening in slow moving fragments, the boot losing stability bit by bit.
keith’s talking about the thing between them, isn’t he? why is it more frightening when it’s put into these terms? because… it has nothing to do with sentencing. that excuse is off the table. if they’re going at their own pace and dictating reactions based on what feels right for them, not by what the prison staff expects of them, then they’re doing this purely for themselves. that’s… not what shiro originally pitched it as to himself. is that what he truly wants? what about the emphasis on sentencing? what about getting out of here? what about the team? what about –
his fingers slack a movement too far and the boot slips free, hitting the floor with a thud. the noise knocks him out of his spiral and he blinks hard, staring down at his boots. he exhales slow and then, mustering movement, he lies his flesh hand over keith’s. he waffles between maybe and yes, and squeezes at the back of his hand. the longer he holds on, the further he leans into yes, only to topple into it completely when he twists, glancing over his shoulder at keith. this time, his breath is deep and his belly flutters under their combined hands, something in him losing stability at the sight of his best friend curled up close behind him. ]
Yeah. [ quiet, it’s more breath than word. his expression holds tense as he seemingly works through and comes to some sort of decision. in the next moment, he lets go of keith’s hand and he leans over, metal arm going to the bed on the other side of keith, to brace his weight. our way. when things feel right. it feels right to be close to keith right now and he nudge into his space, barricading him as shiro looks over the portion of his face he can see. ]
If we do this… it’s for us.
[ because they want it. not because these aliens have put them in a fucked up situation. it has to make sense for them, otherwise it isn’t worth the risk of muddling up their friendship. he brushes keith’s bangs with his other hand and holds them back against his head, revealing more of keith’s face for him. ]
[ having shiro hover over him, boxing him him with one arm and touching his face with the other should mean a lot of things. discomfort for starters, if only because letting someone in close has never been easy, even without the history of a clone with shiro's face trying to decapitate him. but the antsy feeling his adrenaline wash from earlier has morphed into something else entirely. see, the jittery pins and needles are still there, but where keith had wanted to get away from his best friend, now he wants to bask in the understanding they've forged together.
honestly? it feels nice. it feels like a big fuck you to their alien overlords to take what's been forced onto them and contextualize it into something that has more meaning than finishing what coercion started between them. keith's smile is a small thing, but it's earnest in its sincerity. whatever this is, he likes it. he likes the way shiro's hand feels against his, the warmth of shiro's skin under his palm. feeling a flutter behind his ribs, keith holds eye contact and repeats: ]
Only us.
[ heh. said like that though, it all comes across rather solemn, huh? self conscious, he scoots as far back as he can to give shiro more space to lie down, and holds up the blanket for him to crawl under it is tragically, not much space at all.. ]
Heh. Not that this helps with the sentence situation, but the warden and everyone else can go fuck themselves.
Edited 2022-06-18 00:38 (UTC)
the thread of the disappearing tablet and the changing outfits.
[ a little solemn, yeah and yet, hearing the sentiment repeated back to him is grounding. something slots into place and he feels – good? yes, good about where they are and where they are potentially headed. for the first time since arriving here, they seem to be in step with each other. that’s a big improvement. he’s not sure how long it’ll last, especially considering the fact that they will always be a little out of sync due to the disruption in the time continuum and how the two of them might not be from the same reality, but he’s willing to allow himself the reprieve and enjoy this while it lasts.
he shifts under the blanket, laughing softly to the… joke? half truth, half joke? that’s sobering, because no, not everyone. they still have their sentence sheets to figure out. whatever it is they’re exploring here doesn’t override their need to get out of this place and get back to voltron. he hesitates in clarifying dual objectives; selfishly, he doesn’t want to discuss it right now. he just wants to settle down and rest, rather than running the risk of upsetting this tentative agreement between them.
so he grins harder to one side and scoots in close. ]
Dunno about the others but the Warden probably does. [ a beat. ] Probably some sort of voyeur.
[ has to be! who comes up with these sentences and doesn’t get some sort of excitement, pleasure, pay off, whatever from getting alerts that inmates are performing? shiro wrinkles his nose, still grinning, but definitely regretting the suggestion. he shakes his head next and huffs, more or less ending that conversation by pushing right into: ]
But uh… like this or… this?
[ he hasn’t laid down yet. like this has him on his side, facing keith. it’s close, very close. the cot’s shoddy metal frame creaks as shiro flips around for this, now on his other side, back to keith. it’s keith’s bed, which is most comfortable for him? ]
shiro's magic powers: disapparing tablets, quic changing and blue balling
[ keith shudders bodily at the comment. the warden's specific proclivities aren't anything keith's given a lot of thought to and for good reason. place is creepy enough as it is without delving into the hands that went into taking this place from blueprint to functional interreality sex trafficking cesspool. nose wrinkling with distaste, keith doesn't get the chance to groan before shiro's mercifully moved on and changed the subject.
more than just that, actually. shiro scoots under the blanket and starts offering keith two very distracting choices between front and back, and keith blinks, inexplicably a little thrown despite this being the obvious next step in sharing the cot. maybe it's because having shiro trying to squeeze in beside him makes the issue of space that much plainer? face warming somewhat, keith shakes the thought that the cot hadn't seemed that cramped when shiro had been on top of ]
Oh um...either is fine?[ the question mark is readily audible. is it fine? ] Or I could turn around if you want as well?
if that pet sign event happens, shiro's title should be the blueballer
[ keith. that doesn’t help. it’s funny, to be honest. shiro’s usually the one making the executive decisions on a grand, sometimes universe-altering scale. so picking a sleeping position? should be a piece of cake compared to his usual calls.
somehow, it’s not.
lying on his back is out of the question. the cot is too narrow and he’s too wide in the shoulders; he’d end up taking up far too much of the real estate here and forcing keith even further into the wall. facing keith is… an attractive prospect, if he’s honest. it sounds cozy in his head, but he’s not convinced it would be in execution. curled up on the edge of the cot with his back to keith is likely the most polite position. it gives keith privacy and room. it’s the position he’s in currently and so, indecisive as he is, he hasn’t bothered to shift out of it. he only moves marginally, tipping his shoulder back so he can half lean into a glance behind himself to keith. ]
No. [ wait – no? that is to say: ] I mean… unless you want to sleep facing the wall?
[ a beat, the tentativeness leaving his voice as he pushes for a more assertive: ]
How do you normally sleep? I’ll conform to you.
[ afterall, he's not here to be a bother or make things more difficult. isn't he here to do the opposite? ]
[ compared to what they were deliberating over minutes earlier, this is nothing. they're being overly polite about this and despite recognizing the foolishness going on here, keith is so genuinely thrown by the question that he automatically answers it. ]
Uh... on my side, facing away from the exit with my knife under my pillow and the wolf at my back? [ speaking of which. ] Oh. I should put that away, huh?
[ looking sheepish yet again, keith sits up to pull the sheathed knife out from under his pillow and tosses it over the foot of the cot where it lands by the rest of his armor. ]
Thanks for reminding me. But uh... you can sleep in whatever way is most comfy for you? I mean... you're bigger so, I can conform to you if you want.
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What am I to you?
[ a loaded question perhaps, but it's the easiest place to start. ]
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or did, up until a few minutes ago. now shiro isn’t so sure if that’ll remain true. and that’s a gut-churning thought because: ]
You’re the one person I can’t stand to lose.
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you’re the one person I can’t stand to lose.
keith actually startles somewhat, enough so that he turns to look over his shoulder at shiro with a truly miserable expression on his face. has shiro always felt this way? keith searches his memor. sure, shiro had told him way back when that he wanted keith to lead, that he believes in keith, but this goes a hell of a lot deeper than that.
nobody's ever said anything like this to him. not when he left team voltron after the clone's discovery. hell, even after that stunt he pulled on naxzella, most of what he heard was justifiable outrage over the stupidity of his kamikaze strategy to take down haggar's cruiser.
keith stares, something inside him fracturing further into tiny pieces as he offers up a faint smile and shakes his head. ]
That kinda sounds like ...
[ you need me. keith trails off, realization hitting like a sledgehammer to the back of his head. need. is that why shiro had turned sour and cold out of nowhere? needing someone had always been dirty to keith. needing like a child needs a lost parent. keith looks down, biting hard on the inside of his cheek. ]
You're not gonna lose me if you never give up on me, you know?
[ it's meant as a joke, but there's something choked up and vulnerable in keith's tone of voice. he turns then, head bowed and again feeling guilty and exhausted. ]
....doubly so because I'm never giving up on you. Just... I had a really bad day, Shiro. I can't deal with you questioning who you are to me any more than you can, okay?
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silently, he bobbles his head, though the reassurance he’s supposed to feel doesn’t follow it; is it actually that easy to keep keith? shiro’s faith and support for keith is what shiro himself is certain in. he doesn’t envision ever giving up on keith, not after all these years and obstacles. but things change. who knows what the future holds? keith knows, assuming shiro’s reality follows the same or similar to this keith’s history. not for the first time, shiro wonders if something happened in the gap, something that’s rattled them and the team, because something about the thickness of keith’s voice and the way he won’t look up from the floor gives him the distinct feeling that there’s more to never give up on me and i’ll never give up on you.
no. he’s overthinking it. just like he’s been overthinking everything of the past ten minutes. the smile is long gone and he’s back to his impression of a kicked puppy; nonetheless, he powers through the miserable, awkward feeling that follows any unfinished argument. because it is unfinished; they’re calling a truce but shiro doesn’t know where they are on the offer or if they’re actually fine. it’s time to stop being selfish with keith though, huh? ]
Okay.
[ he watches keith in the following pause, everything about his best friend’s body language bothering him. so, wow, look at that, shiro finally remembers that he has working legs. up on his feet now, shiro crosses the room and closes the distance, pausing an arm’s reach in front of him. he frowns, voice gentle. sincere. ]
I’m sorry for making today worse. [ goes without saying that that’s the direct opposite of what he initially came here to do. ] You can kick me out if it’ll make you feel better, I’d deserve it, but… [ just as he’d done earlier, he holds out his right hand. ] If I gave you a hug, would you consider forgiving me?
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You know I can't stay mad at you for long.
[ he huffs, again managing a small smlile. when he reaches for shiro's hand, however, his grip is firm and he steps in for a solid hug. ]
Breaks the universe or something..
[ it's facetiously worded, but there's truth behind that, too. keith doesn't really know what he'd be doing if he were stuck in porn prison and not on speaking terms with his best friend.
he sighs, and where the usual etiquette of their routine dictates that it's time to step back, keith stays in the hug. there are things he ought to say, perhaps. let shiro know that he's also been doing a lot of thinking about that day, and not completely in terms of his own humiliation., but with both his brain and words failing him, keith doesn't hazard an attempt. ]
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the movements are second nature and it all goes smoothly, with shiro winding his free arm around keith. this time, he doesn’t have the armor to contend with and boy, what a difference it makes. keith tucks in with ease and shiro’s struck amazed by how nice it feels. it always feels nice; this isn’t the first time they’ve done it out of the armor either. there’s nothing particularly different about it, and yet, it seems – better…? like they fit more together.
that’s sappy, huh?
either way, it’s nice and it’s good and as such, shiro is reluctant to relax the bend of his arm. keith doesn’t seem to be in much of a rush to follow their usual protocol either. both curious and encouraged by this, shiro continues to hold keith in and soon, he loses track of how long they stand there, holding and leaning into each other. unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. after so much time, inevitably, finally, shiro remembers really bad day and decides it’s time to move this along to hopefully accomplish what he came here to do: ensure keith takes care of himself.
with that in mind, the bend relaxes, though the hand doesn’t leave keith. he slides his arm down to rest mid-torso on keith’s side and he pulls back, just enough to get a look at keith’s face. ]
So, now that we have that straightened out…
[ tentatively, he smiles a wider, more encouraging smile. ]
How about you skip the walk and tuck in for the night? [ half expecting keith to say no, he hardly pauses for breath, tacking on a hasty: ] Like you said, it’s been a rough day. Sleep will do you good.
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see, he's starting to wonder yet again, what intimacy could really be like if it started and ended this way, all tender and soft rather than staring down a balsa wood door and eyeing whatever body part is pressed up to the slot. it's a dangerous thought to be having, which is in part why keith doesn't resist when shiro finally ends the hug and pulls away.
getting a grip on himself, keith blinks and empties his head. shiro's right to think he doesn't want to abandon the walk, but after their argument keith isn't ready to say goodbye to the smile tugging on shiro's lips. he sighs inwardly, taking an additional half step back, expression a pinch melancholy despite his half smile. ]
You want me to be a good boy, huh.
[ ... heh. fuck. maybe he's not so done reflecting on his time with anonymous. his smile goes briefly sardonic before keith shakes his head, teasing a pinch airily. ]
You gonna tuck me in?
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the next teasing comes and shiro’s a pinch delayed in a smooth reaction. throat feeling dry, he swallows and holds eye contact, before forcing a smile that he hopes is mostly believable. ]
Yeah.
[ that’s the main hurdle. once he says that and removes all touch from keith, it’s easier to focus on the prime objective here: getting keih into bed. so he turns away and backtracks to the cot. the armor is moved to the floor and the tablet is snatched up in his left while he bends down to pull back the blanket. he straightens up and pivots halfway to glance toward keith, gesturing with his metal hand to the cot in a wordless climb in.
as for the rest? he’ll smile something more genuine and far sweeter this time. ]
Humor me?
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given another beat however, and keith decides he doeesn't care what shiro's getting at. humor me he said, and that's compelling in its own right. ]
Okay.
[ so he cralws into his cot, obediently like a very good boy and lies down, still with the half amused smile on his lips. the look turns decidedly more sheepish when keith looks up at his best friend from this particular angle, but the smile holds nonetheless. ]
Humoring. Now what, sir?
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sir.
shiro huffs a soft, amused sound. of all things to call him… – he shakes his head, smile tugging harder to one side and plumping that cheek round. ]
Now… [ he grabs the edge of the blanket and pulls it over keith, lying it high, right around his collarbones. ]
We tuck.
[ leaning over keith and with one one hand on each side, shiro bunches material underneath keith with hard shoves of his fingers, outlining the shape of keith’s arms from shoulders to mid-forearms. all the while saying: ]
And we burrito. [ though, this isn’t much of a burrito, is it? he can’t exactly roll keith into the blanket. so, he’ll laugh and amend: ] Or I guess this would be better called enchiladaing.
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even more depressing when you consider porn prison is the first "break" they've gotten from dealing with existential, nihilistic threats to the cosmos.
the thoughts should really be more bothersome, and yet as soon as shiro starts digging his fingers in to smoosh as much blanket under his body, keith and rolls his eyes affectionately. ]
Now you're just making me hungry, Shiro.
[ how long has it been since he's stuffed an enchilada in his mouth anyway? yet another thought best not had at all. ]
You're supposed to make me want to stay in bed, not entertain thoughts of slipping into dietary.
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the question has hardly formed and certainly hasn’t been answered by the time he shifts his gaze to keith’s face. seeing the affection there eases that sudden bit of tension and then he’s piggybacking on the joke, clicking his tongue. ]
Hey, no.
[ blanket abandoned, shiro’s got two free hands; look out. he’ll only be using one though, his left, to push his palm flat to the top of keith’s head and fan his fingers out to tangle and ruffle keith’s hair to oblivion. ]
Get those thoughts outta your head.
[ he gives keith’s hair another two ticks of destruction, just to thoroughly pulverize the thought out of his brain, before he relaxes and lets go. he’s grinning wide and shittily by the end of it, voice light. ]
We can pilfer dietary tomorrow. Sleep now.
1/3
but of course, it's never gonna be that simple ever again, huh? keith grins up, happy and yet feeling caught on some precipice. maybe the truth of it is that he doesn't want things to go back to the way they used to be. it's a daunting thought, but having shiro hover above him smiling down feels right in ways that are part mortifying and yet ... soothing?
he relaxes, shaking his head to let his bangs fall more naturally across his face. ]
You'll sleep with me, yeah?
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I --uh.. [fuck. eyes wide, keith chokes on air, stammering through the sudden acceleration of his heart. ] Sleeping literally, I mean. You know. Like we both close our eyes and just do the normal falling asleep thing. Just.. together.
[< a beat.]
In the same cot. Even though it'll be kind of cramped and ....
3;3
..... I'm just going to stop talking.
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champion, leader of voltron. he’s accomplished and he’s proud; he’s done a lot more than a pubescent diagnosis initially prescribed for his future. right up there with all of that though? he counts stubborning his way past keith’s spiky, no entry, back the fuck off walls as a pretty impressive victory as well. right here, right now, he feelsblessed... lucky. he isn’t so narcissistic to believe he’s the only one who ever gets to see keith open and vulnerable, but there is something rare about keith stripped down to the soft aspects of himself, completely unapologetic in his happiness as he grins and laughs and –blurts out unfiltered questions.
shiro has just begun retucking the loosened edges of the blanket back underneath keith’s shoulders when the question comes. he pauses mid tuck and glances to keith’s face, curiosity furrowing his brow. it’s keith’s reaction that does him in. shiro feeds off of it immediately. keith’s all wide eyes, choked sounds and stammering words, and it’s impossible for shiro to not have his own heart kick up in its beats, face growing warm with every added explanation.
it should be working the opposite way, shouldn’t it? obviously keith hadn’t meant it that way, so why is everyone flustering here? because, the fact that it needs to be explained at all is telling in its own way. against all rhyme and reason, shiro’s mind drifts to the more perverse interpretation and – no. nope. that’s what got them into the whole mess from earlier. ]
I…
[ it’s a mistake. he should never start talking before he’s thought it through. he catches himself, but the one word hangs heavy between them, accompanied by shiro’s surprised, wide eyes and pinker cheeks. at least keith is too busy trying to hide to analyze whatever the hell it is shiro’s face is doing. though, keith hiding sobers him slightly and then he’s thinking, no, he doesn’t want keith’s happiness swallowed up by this. he misses that grin and that laugh already.
so, he holds the stare a beat longer and then exhales. ] Heh. [ he finally withdraws his hands, though one stays behind to playfully flick at keith’s ear. ] After all my hard work too. I think you just want an excuse to be de-encaladaed.
[ perhaps he’s trying too hard to smooth this over with a joke. but it’s the best he can manage in the immediate aftermath. he needs another fill of his lungs to gather himself – and to commit himself to the decision – but then he’s softening his voice and bleeding it dry of the teasing notes. ]
But okay. I can stay… if that’s what you want.
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heart thumping loud in his chest, he actually twitches when there's a flick at his ear, reflex making keith stop trying to hide to look before he's ready. he misses an obvious beat when shiro leads with an unexpected joke. the expected chastising for nonadherence to the normal bounds of their friendship either, despite shiro's earlier conclusion about wanting to stay as they are.
keith swallows, still a touch too nervous to relax entirely. words feel a little stuck in his throat, but he manages to speak in barely louder than whisper tones. ]
I want you to stay. But only if that's what you want too.
[ or maybe that's redundant? i wanted you too. stil do. shiro is full of contradictory sentiments and keith just can't fucking tell which ones are the ones shiro wants respected. even now trying to unpack it just makes him feel .. lost. he looks up, face still half smooshed into the pillow, one eye peeking through his bangs, waiting. ]
I don't... want you to stay if you feel obligated to.
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at this point, the least shiro can do is be honest. that’s what keith desperately wants from him. so he backs off. he gives up on his hovering and straightens up, regarding half-hidden keith for one, weighed moment. ]
I want to stay.
[ there’s confidence in the words; true genuinity that doesn’t leave much room for doubt. he knows he’s been confusing tonight, saying one thing, saying another, and then backtracking to the original offer, yet giving no concrete conclusion to any of it. in a perfect world, he’d pick for them to remain as they’ve always been: best friends. that’s easy and that’s familiar and it works. he’s beginning to realize though, that he can’t simply enforce his will on their friendship. there’s something brewing between them and the more shiro tries to ignore it, the worse off they become.
he can do this. he can try. it’s simple, yet tentatively intimate, and beneath all the worry and uncertainty, he does actually yearn for that closeness with keith. so, with that, shiro says nothing else and turns to action instead. he means it, honest, because look, he’s unzipping his vest and shrugging it off to toss toward the end of the cot, before sitting down to start unbuckling his boots. ]
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not for the first time, keith is a little lost for words. as much as it'd been hurtful to immediately be accused of diminishing shiro's importance, it's in thinking about words-action incongruity that he thinks maybe he can understand why shiro had been upset in the first place. mulling the thought over from that perspective, keith's expression falters,. he's glad that for the moment shiro can't see his face, and decides he wants it to stay that way just a little bit longer.
he rolls towards shiro, one arm raised taised to curl around shiro's waist from behind in a loose embrace. from there, his movements are tentative, but he presses his palm flat to shiro's belly and breathes out quietly; ]
Good. I want you too.
[ to stay? want shiro in general? both perhaps. the echo of the earlier sentiment comes far too late, keith realizes, but maybe it's better late than never. keith takes in a deeo breath and lets it out with a heavy sigh. ]
... but maybe we could just do things our way. You know. When things feel right.
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i want you too.
he hears to, not too. he doesn’t get any further than redundancy; thinking in terms of keith reiterating how he’d like shiro to stay the night. that is, until a sigh and a couple of words later, keith is clearly speaking of something else. it clicks and once again, his fingers go their own way; this time not fumbling, not tightening, but merely loosening in slow moving fragments, the boot losing stability bit by bit.
keith’s talking about the thing between them, isn’t he? why is it more frightening when it’s put into these terms? because… it has nothing to do with sentencing. that excuse is off the table. if they’re going at their own pace and dictating reactions based on what feels right for them, not by what the prison staff expects of them, then they’re doing this purely for themselves. that’s… not what shiro originally pitched it as to himself. is that what he truly wants? what about the emphasis on sentencing? what about getting out of here? what about the team? what about –
his fingers slack a movement too far and the boot slips free, hitting the floor with a thud. the noise knocks him out of his spiral and he blinks hard, staring down at his boots. he exhales slow and then, mustering movement, he lies his flesh hand over keith’s. he waffles between maybe and yes, and squeezes at the back of his hand. the longer he holds on, the further he leans into yes, only to topple into it completely when he twists, glancing over his shoulder at keith. this time, his breath is deep and his belly flutters under their combined hands, something in him losing stability at the sight of his best friend curled up close behind him. ]
Yeah. [ quiet, it’s more breath than word. his expression holds tense as he seemingly works through and comes to some sort of decision. in the next moment, he lets go of keith’s hand and he leans over, metal arm going to the bed on the other side of keith, to brace his weight. our way. when things feel right. it feels right to be close to keith right now and he nudge into his space, barricading him as shiro looks over the portion of his face he can see. ]
If we do this… it’s for us.
[ because they want it. not because these aliens have put them in a fucked up situation. it has to make sense for them, otherwise it isn’t worth the risk of muddling up their friendship. he brushes keith’s bangs with his other hand and holds them back against his head, revealing more of keith’s face for him. ]
Only us.
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honestly? it feels nice. it feels like a big fuck you to their alien overlords to take what's been forced onto them and contextualize it into something that has more meaning than finishing what coercion started between them. keith's smile is a small thing, but it's earnest in its sincerity. whatever this is, he likes it. he likes the way shiro's hand feels against his, the warmth of shiro's skin under his palm. feeling a flutter behind his ribs, keith holds eye contact and repeats: ]
Only us.
[ heh. said like that though, it all comes across rather solemn, huh? self conscious, he scoots as far back as he can to give shiro more space to lie down, and holds up the blanket for him to crawl under it is tragically, not much space at all.. ]
Heh. Not that this helps with the sentence situation, but the warden and everyone else can go fuck themselves.
the thread of the disappearing tablet and the changing outfits.
he shifts under the blanket, laughing softly to the… joke? half truth, half joke? that’s sobering, because no, not everyone. they still have their sentence sheets to figure out. whatever it is they’re exploring here doesn’t override their need to get out of this place and get back to voltron. he hesitates in clarifying dual objectives; selfishly, he doesn’t want to discuss it right now. he just wants to settle down and rest, rather than running the risk of upsetting this tentative agreement between them.
so he grins harder to one side and scoots in close. ]
Dunno about the others but the Warden probably does. [ a beat. ] Probably some sort of voyeur.
[ has to be! who comes up with these sentences and doesn’t get some sort of excitement, pleasure, pay off, whatever from getting alerts that inmates are performing? shiro wrinkles his nose, still grinning, but definitely regretting the suggestion. he shakes his head next and huffs, more or less ending that conversation by pushing right into: ]
But uh… like this or… this?
[ he hasn’t laid down yet. like this has him on his side, facing keith. it’s close, very close. the cot’s shoddy metal frame creaks as shiro flips around for this, now on his other side, back to keith. it’s keith’s bed, which is most comfortable for him? ]
shiro's magic powers: disapparing tablets, quic changing and blue balling
more than just that, actually. shiro scoots under the blanket and starts offering keith two very distracting choices between front and back, and keith blinks, inexplicably a little thrown despite this being the obvious next step in sharing the cot. maybe it's because having shiro trying to squeeze in beside him makes the issue of space that much plainer? face warming somewhat, keith shakes the thought that the cot hadn't seemed that cramped when shiro had been on top of ]
Oh um...either is fine?[ the question mark is readily audible. is it fine? ] Or I could turn around if you want as well?
if that pet sign event happens, shiro's title should be the blueballer
somehow, it’s not.
lying on his back is out of the question. the cot is too narrow and he’s too wide in the shoulders; he’d end up taking up far too much of the real estate here and forcing keith even further into the wall. facing keith is… an attractive prospect, if he’s honest. it sounds cozy in his head, but he’s not convinced it would be in execution. curled up on the edge of the cot with his back to keith is likely the most polite position. it gives keith privacy and room. it’s the position he’s in currently and so, indecisive as he is, he hasn’t bothered to shift out of it. he only moves marginally, tipping his shoulder back so he can half lean into a glance behind himself to keith. ]
No. [ wait – no? that is to say: ] I mean… unless you want to sleep facing the wall?
[ a beat, the tentativeness leaving his voice as he pushes for a more assertive: ]
How do you normally sleep? I’ll conform to you.
[ afterall, he's not here to be a bother or make things more difficult. isn't he here to do the opposite? ]
nah he's the holepuncher
Uh... on my side, facing away from the exit with my knife under my pillow and the wolf at my back?
[ speaking of which. ] Oh. I should put that away, huh?
[ looking sheepish yet again, keith sits up to pull the sheathed knife out from under his pillow and tosses it over the foot of the cot where it lands by the rest of his armor. ]
Thanks for reminding me. But uh... you can sleep in whatever way is most comfy for you? I mean... you're bigger so, I can conform to you if you want.
imagine him having that sign and keith being like, holepuncher...? shiro: /sweats
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the icon is a lie
omg you lied to me