[ keith does, in fact, pull his arms free but only to put his hands back on shiro's shoulders. the conversation isn't an easy one to have, and a need to move and fidget makes going back to the massage he was originally supposed to give easier than sitting still.
he squeezes broad shoulders, staying quiet as he mulls over the suggestion of a do-over. the simplicity of it is almost funny, but more than that it pulls at all kinds of heartstrings. life doesn't present second chances often, but shiro -- shiro has always given him so many.
at least, up to a point. it remains to be seen what exactly will come of the distance that's crept into the friendship he had with the shiro from his own reality. maybe it won't even come to be seen. the reality keith has known feels like a lifetime ago, and it doesn't look like keith is due to find a way back to it any time soon the question of whether he even wants to at this point is a separate matter entirely, and not one that he's ready to beat himself down over.
in a lot of ways, the relationship he's built up with this shiro feels like a do-over... though, keith frowns and dismisses the thought. the more he equates this shiro with the one from his world, the mor run down his soul feels. blinking back to the present. he puts both his hands over shoulder blades and manages a faintly amused tone. ]
You would say that, huh...
[ a beat, then swallowing through a tightness in his throat, keith mrmurs: ]
....is that something you really want? It's not just to humor me?
[ shiro still can’t read him. is it a bad thing that shiro is suggesting a do over? is that adding insult to injury? keith sounds amused, if only faintly, so shiro wants to believe he hasn’t set them up for failure, but hope can only deceive fear for so long, his confidence, once again, waning. so the massage hasn’t been accomplishing much of anything. if anything, shiro feels more tense than he did when he first sat down. keith with his hands at his shoulder blades and shiro with his hands at his own thighs, together they wait it out, both seemingly holding their breaths over what this moment is meant to become.
it’s not just to humor me?
it’s not the ideal reaction, but – it’s okay. it’s workable. what is not, however, is that he’s played by keith’s rules too long. this feels like an opening and one that shiro is quick to take as he finally gives up on allowing keith all that space. he twists around, careful and slow, knee knocking to the edge of the bed as he half-turns in his seat. ]
No. [ there he is, looking a little small and looking a lot miserable. shiro’s heart gives a pained lurch in his chest, eyes soft under a furrowed brow. ] I’m not humoring you.
[ this bed is atrocious. it’s narrow and flimsy, the springs creaking with too much weight. so there’s a bit of a racket when shiro moves again, this time climbing up on the bed – the cot, more like – to settle beside keith, facing him with legs tucked underneath himself. ]
I want this for us.
[ he has half a mind to simply pluck that boy up and drag him into his lap, to hug him tight and steady until that frown clears. he reaches for his hand instead, catching it between a layering of both of his own, squeezing gently. ]
So will you do that for me? [ voice sweet, smile sweeter. ] Will you make love to me again?
[ shiro starts moving, and of course, keith watches his boy get settled. the conversation should have started this way from the beginning really, with them face-to-face because there's nothing in the universe quite like the gentleness of shiro's smile for keith to wonder if he is overthinking.
there's no doubt that porn prison has warped the natural course of their friendship, just as there's no doubt that the war back home has fundamentally shattered keith's confidence in recognizing anything seriously amiss with his best friend. whether he truly deserves to be forgiven for the latter is likely going to be a perpetual dark spot in his soul, but one thing is becoming clear..
this shiro, the one sitting in front of him, holding his hand, doesn't deserve to be dragged into keith's self-flagellation. this shiro is his shiro, and despite the miserable circumstances behind the last time they slept together, shiro is willing to put his trust in keith another time.
overcome with the enormity of the moment, keith can't quite put words to what he's feeling. his expression softens, his smile small but brightening up his eyes with fierce adoration reserved for his boyfriend. he swallows through the lump in his throat as he holds shiro's hand tighter and leans forward. ]
Of course, I will. I want to. I mean, all I wanted was to take care of you, like you always do for me.
[ he huffs, gaze dropping to thir hands as he turns momentarily shy. ]
... I hate that it got so messed up.
[ a beat, then keith peeks up through a curtain of hair. ]
So I want to because it's been so long since we felt good together. [ a breath. ] ... but maybe I want to save something special like that for when we're properly settled and safe. [ another beat, then keith laughs. ] Is that weird? Am I overthinking again?
[ it didn’t get so messed up. well, okay, the aftermath certainly did. as for the act itself, though? shiro has been focusing on the wrong things. he’s been putting too much emphasis on the where and when, rather than the actual important fact: his first time was with keith. shiro is just now beginning to understand keith’s hesitance for their relationship. see, none of it has been picturesque. there’s always been something unanticipated or unaccounted for, that has driven them together. so of course keith would wonder now, after a week of shiro fretting over things not going the way he once wanted them to. has any part of their relationship gone the way shiro would have wanted it to?
no and yes. for them, he wouldn’t have picked anonymous, jurassic dongs, sex bots, aphro influences or sentence sheets. as much as he has come to love keith, the truth of the matter is that their relationship is a byproduct of a horrific situation. and that’s fine. that doesn’t make what they have any less worthy of feeling or having. he doesn’t regret falling in love with keith, meaning that, by extension, he doesn’t regret all that’s happened in order to get them to this point. that is why, shiro is a stupid, stupid man for fretting so long and so uselessly over losing his last form of innocence to the man he wanted to lose it to anyway.
… but maybe i want to save something special like that for when we’re properly settled and safe.
and here shiro was ready to chuck off his pants for keith. once again, denied his choice of where and when to “lose it.” kidding. keith’s laugh draws one from shiro, smile coming easily. ]
No. [ a short shake of his head, gaze fond. ] You’re thinking about it in just the right way.
[ and now, he does what he ignored before: he gets his hands around keith, gathering him up to pull him into his lap. caging keith in with a gentle circling of his arms, shiro holds him steady as he dips his face in, pressing a quick kiss to that bang covering most of his boy’s forehead. ]
We’ll wait until we don’t have to worry about anything except making each other feel good.
[ off the bed and from the floor, there’s an approving woof. shiro glances toward the source, holding eye contact with the space wolf who has his partly gnawed cock in a sock sausage hanging from his jaws. the moment drags into another and then shiro abruptly laughs again. ]
I think your wolf friend would appreciate us waiting, too, especially if it means he won’t have to be in the same room as us.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kosmo will lol wolf down his snack ....
he squeezes broad shoulders, staying quiet as he mulls over the suggestion of a do-over. the simplicity of it is almost funny, but more than that it pulls at all kinds of heartstrings. life doesn't present second chances often, but shiro -- shiro has always given him so many.
at least, up to a point. it remains to be seen what exactly will come of the distance that's crept into the friendship he had with the shiro from his own reality. maybe it won't even come to be seen. the reality keith has known feels like a lifetime ago, and it doesn't look like keith is due to find a way back to it any time soon the question of whether he even wants to at this point is a separate matter entirely, and not one that he's ready to beat himself down over.
in a lot of ways, the relationship he's built up with this shiro feels like a do-over... though, keith frowns and dismisses the thought. the more he equates this shiro with the one from his world, the mor run down his soul feels. blinking back to the present. he puts both his hands over shoulder blades and manages a faintly amused tone. ]
You would say that, huh...
[ a beat, then swallowing through a tightness in his throat, keith mrmurs: ]
....is that something you really want? It's not just to humor me?
... THAT WAS SUCH A SHIRO JOKE
it’s not just to humor me?
it’s not the ideal reaction, but – it’s okay. it’s workable. what is not, however, is that he’s played by keith’s rules too long. this feels like an opening and one that shiro is quick to take as he finally gives up on allowing keith all that space. he twists around, careful and slow, knee knocking to the edge of the bed as he half-turns in his seat. ]
No. [ there he is, looking a little small and looking a lot miserable. shiro’s heart gives a pained lurch in his chest, eyes soft under a furrowed brow. ] I’m not humoring you.
[ this bed is atrocious. it’s narrow and flimsy, the springs creaking with too much weight. so there’s a bit of a racket when shiro moves again, this time climbing up on the bed – the cot, more like – to settle beside keith, facing him with legs tucked underneath himself. ]
I want this for us.
[ he has half a mind to simply pluck that boy up and drag him into his lap, to hug him tight and steady until that frown clears. he reaches for his hand instead, catching it between a layering of both of his own, squeezing gently. ]
So will you do that for me? [ voice sweet, smile sweeter. ] Will you make love to me again?
I KNOW YOU LAUGHED.
there's no doubt that porn prison has warped the natural course of their friendship, just as there's no doubt that the war back home has fundamentally shattered keith's confidence in recognizing anything seriously amiss with his best friend. whether he truly deserves to be forgiven for the latter is likely going to be a perpetual dark spot in his soul, but one thing is becoming clear..
this shiro, the one sitting in front of him, holding his hand, doesn't deserve to be dragged into keith's self-flagellation. this shiro is his shiro, and despite the miserable circumstances behind the last time they slept together, shiro is willing to put his trust in keith another time.
overcome with the enormity of the moment, keith can't quite put words to what he's feeling. his expression softens, his smile small but brightening up his eyes with fierce adoration reserved for his boyfriend. he swallows through the lump in his throat as he holds shiro's hand tighter and leans forward. ]
Of course, I will. I want to. I mean, all I wanted was to take care of you, like you always do for me.
[ he huffs, gaze dropping to thir hands as he turns momentarily shy. ]
... I hate that it got so messed up.
[ a beat, then keith peeks up through a curtain of hair. ]
So I want to because it's been so long since we felt good together. [ a breath. ] ... but maybe I want to save something special like that for when we're properly settled and safe. [ another beat, then keith laughs. ] Is that weird? Am I overthinking again?
YOU CANNOT PROVE!!!!!!!!!!
no and yes. for them, he wouldn’t have picked anonymous, jurassic dongs, sex bots, aphro influences or sentence sheets. as much as he has come to love keith, the truth of the matter is that their relationship is a byproduct of a horrific situation. and that’s fine. that doesn’t make what they have any less worthy of feeling or having. he doesn’t regret falling in love with keith, meaning that, by extension, he doesn’t regret all that’s happened in order to get them to this point. that is why, shiro is a stupid, stupid man for fretting so long and so uselessly over losing his last form of innocence to the man he wanted to lose it to anyway.
… but maybe i want to save something special like that for when we’re properly settled and safe.
and here shiro was ready to chuck off his pants for keith. once again, denied his choice of where and when to “lose it.” kidding. keith’s laugh draws one from shiro, smile coming easily. ]
No. [ a short shake of his head, gaze fond. ] You’re thinking about it in just the right way.
[ and now, he does what he ignored before: he gets his hands around keith, gathering him up to pull him into his lap. caging keith in with a gentle circling of his arms, shiro holds him steady as he dips his face in, pressing a quick kiss to that bang covering most of his boy’s forehead. ]
We’ll wait until we don’t have to worry about anything except making each other feel good.
[ off the bed and from the floor, there’s an approving woof. shiro glances toward the source, holding eye contact with the space wolf who has his partly gnawed cock in a sock sausage hanging from his jaws. the moment drags into another and then shiro abruptly laughs again. ]
I think your wolf friend would appreciate us waiting, too, especially if it means he won’t have to be in the same room as us.