[ keith lets out a breath ,relaxing as thoughts of voyeurs, stalkers and creeps fade to the wayside. the relief is short lived however when it occurs to him that shiro wouldn't randomly be sitting outside his cube and thus probably wants to talk about something. if there's one thing keith truly hates about this place, it's how it's instilled a new dread in him over the prospect of talking to his best friend. swallowing hard and trying to shake out the tension in his shoulders, keith shoots for something nonchalant. ]
[ he laughs a little, just to take the edge of the awkwardness he can feel beginning to shroud him. a push has him climbing to his feet and a brush as his backside gets off a small dusting of dirt. ]
I know this is unusual to drop in on you like this. [ to put it mildly. he’s smiling in that concerned, yet encouraging way of his as he turns fully to keith, taking a step closer. ] After what happened, I wanted to be here when you woke up and make sure… [ you’re okay. except, he stops short when his brain recognizes what it is he’s seeing. ]
[ shiro has only the best intentions and yet the implication that keith needs checking up on needles at his pride. he's not a delicate thing that can't handle a bit of stress, alright? but even as his annoyance prickles, keith knows it's a little misplaced. he takes a breath, tries to shake it off only to immediately have an unspoken accusation turned his way. taken aback, keith doesn't navigate this eloquently. ]
Uh...... [ he glances down at his armor clad body, then looks back up at shiro. ] Yeah.
[ it's almost funny. what seems like a a lifetime ago, allura had caught him sneaking around the pods at night dressed in full armor. somehow he doubts this exchange will go any better. ]
[ keith. please. let shiro hover once in awhile. though, considering what happened the last time shiro insisted on looking after keith, keith wound up with soiled pants and cramped arms from a nap spent handcuffed to the bed. right here, right now, shiro doesn’t have the attention span to nitpick keith for any signs of annoyance, so he’s altogether blind to the way in which he’s, supposedly, overstepped.
in fact, he’s in favor of stepping further and does so, with another few steps that bring him closer to the door. it grants him a better look at keith, who is, of course, dressed in full armor. now, the prison isn’t exactly safe, shiro gets that, so armor isn’t a bad idea. but if safety is the concern, why go stomping around in the middle of the night?
… shiro gets a free pass because he had a purpose and a destination. keith here? doesn’t. unless… ]
A walk where?
[ eyes slightly narrowed, there’s a hint of suspicion there. he can’t imagine keith is just out for some fresh air. ]
[ silence hangs for two beats before even keith has to admit that the answer is wholly unsatisfying in addition to being suspicious. ]
Around the complex. Doing a perimeter check.
[ a perimeter check that includes a perimeter of forbidden territory, that is. keith is almost proud of himself for coming up with something that gives him plausible deniability here, butsomehow he doubts shiro will make that easy. ]
[ does the story check out? maybe, maybe not. with how distraught keith had been earlier, shiro can maybe believe that he’s anxious enough to run a check, just to ensure that no more rogue robots have escaped to harass other inmates. but shiro would have believed that more easily if he hadn’t started off with oh you know. that sounds a lot like stalling. stalling long enough to throw together a lie.
or at the very least, a half-truth.
either way, lying or not, it doesn’t matter. if keith is suited up and doing a parameter check of the compound at ass o’clock, middle of the night, and shiro happens to be in the same vicinity, then – ]
[ it's an overreaction and the nanosecond after the word's left keith's mouth, his shoulders sag, defeated. scrubbing down his face with his gloved hand, keith grimaces and reiws again, tone softer this time and pleading. ]
Shiro, I don't want you getting in trouble, okay? I can't handle you getting in trouble on my account. SO just... [ he looks to the ground, swallowing once before shooting shiro a chagrined expression. ]
[ voice far too loud and reaction far too strong, keith blows it. there goes all of keith’s plausible deniability. the chances of shiro willingly stepping aside and allowing keith to go off wherever dials down to zero. perimeter check, right. suspicious before and outright unconvinced now, shiro crosses his arms over his chest and stands a little more centered in the path of the doorway.
truthfully? he’s annoyed in some small capacity. he doesn’t like being misled, especially after what happened at the job fair. shiro’s concerned. he feels it’s his right to be concerned about keith, and so, keith deliberately trying to sidestep him with some shoddy cover story, rubs him the wrong way.
so, have an unimpressed look, keith. ]
Why would I be getting into trouble? We’re free to walk the grounds.
[ sure, there are those robotic sentries also patrolling but there is no actual curfew, as far as shiro can tell. ]
[ as always, shiro's disappointment hits differently. it's one thing when the paladins (lance) get ticked off with him, but when it comes from shiro it makes keith imagine widening rifts and expanding chasms. of all the people in his life that have come and gone, shiro's the one person keith doesn't want to lose -- nor ocer a stubborn sense of pride and certainly not over the routine humiliation that's baked intot he crust of their daily lives at reparacija. he bites his lower lip, drops his gaze. he never wants to fight with shiro ever, but that's just the posture and tone his best firend is taking on now.
keith takes a step backwards into his cube, making a motion for shiro to come inside before shutting the door and taking a deep breath. ]
Listen. I know what you're going to tell me. Don't do it, it's stupid -- and yeah, I hear you. But I can't just sit around here anynore not doing anything while the warden keeps cooking up more messed up things to fucking rape us with, okay?
[ amrs folding around himself, keith takes a more measured breath careful to keep his tone calm. it's easier to speak when his head isn't buzzing with thoughts of the job fair. ]
So I'm going to check out the facility on the other side of the blocked off path.
[ when keith backs down, it isn’t victory shiro feels. relief? yes, but it’s tainted by the method in which he had to attain it. shiro never enjoys strong-arming keith into opening up to him. the fact that he has to whip out the dreaded disapproving face and the i’m terribly disappointed in you voice is disheartening. they’re a team, aren’t they? even without the lions a zip-line away, they’re still a team. so what happened to open communication and running things by team leader when plans that affect them all are thrown together?
actually, forget the duty associated with team voltron; shiro and keith are a team. they’re best friends. when did talking to each other become such a trial? heh. probably right around the time he had to use fuzzy handcuffs on said best friend.
shiro doesn’t grimace, but it’s a near thing, as he stands inside keith’s cube, listening to keith attempt to cut him off with don’t do it, it’s stupid, i hear you. he’s not wrong. it is a stupid plan. one that’s lacking thought and comprehension for impending consequences. a frown comes to him, one that furrows tighter the more keith talks and talks and – oh.
rape us. that, combined with keith folding in and hugging himself has shiro’s face relaxing, unintentionally morphing into a more pitying look. not for long, of course, but for a few moments, he understands, he emphasizes and he wants to allow keith whatever it is he needs to do to stop looking like that. only, in the next beat, that want is squashed under the more potent concern and frustration. ]
Need I remind you that this is the same type of plan that got you one on one time with that machine? What happens when you get caught and the Warden again cooks up something specifically for you?
[ shiro was never going to approve. that much had been obvious, but it still makes keith's heart sink to the floor. even if approval was too far removed from reality, maybe some part of him was at least hoping to be understood. for a beat there, it had even seemed that way? but the words that end up coming out of shio's mouth are far from that.
not for the first time since becoming a prisoner, keith is faced with the reminder that it's loenly here. that he's lonely here, even though it makes little sense when the entirety of team voltron are around. ]
This is different. The Warden never specified that the facility was out of bounds. Only the lighthouse.
[ the defensiveness is automatic, in part provoked by shiro's more combative refusal to hear him out. there's solid grounds for his reasoning, but obviously the warden isn't likely to be impressed by ruleslawyering. keith grimaces inwardly, then looks up at shiro. ]
What are you even suggesting then? That I just sit still as those fucking robots roama round and do whatever they like? We can't just all sit here forever, you know.
[ different he says, like the facility isn’t also blocked off and so obviously out of bounds. shiro frowns; he has too much agitated energy at his disposal, but no good outlet for it. the fingers of his left twitch and he’s caught between wanting to cross his arms again and to start pacing. he does neither out of sheer stubbornness; he doesn’t want to showcase how rattled this has him. keith, running off in the middle of the night, setting himself up for disaster with no backup, no deniability, no end goal beyond hoping he manages to find something? does he even know what he’s looking for there?
and hell, of all things to wear when pulling off a black-ops spy gig. sneaking into areas is better done without white armor.
so yes, shiro’s disappointed, for a lot of reasons. keith turning it back on him and asking, yet more so accusing him, certainly doesn’t help matters either. he takes a breath and staves off the urge to snap, and then releases a sigh after a deliberate pause. ]
Don’t be like that. [ his tone is strangely mellowed, even a touch defeated. ] I never implied we would sit around.
[ so that’s what keith thinks of him. a no-good leader, sitting on his hands and leaving his team to be ravaged by the horrors of prison life. heh. he shakes it off, knowing he’s being unfair and petty, assuming the worst of keith. ]
I was talking to Lance. At the fair, before everything happened – he had a solid idea of getting me in to work for the maintenance crew. [ a beat, expression a little more open. encouraging? hopeful? this is a better plan, isn’t it, keith? ] I would have plausible deniability if I got caught snooping around there. We just have to give it time for me to get access.
[ keith's arms stay folded tight around his chest, quite literally holding himself together as he listens. despite wanting to, he doesn't start pacing around the room to blow off some of his agitated energy, but instead fixes himself to the wall, breath held and listening.
there's a lot that shiro doesn't know and keith recognizes that most of that is his fault. his fault for having passively left the task of telling shiro about voltron to pidge, lance and hunk. his fault for always just wanting to shield his best friend from harm and the pain of knowing horific existential trutshs about his demise and return. there's too many things that keith himself doesn't have answers to -- like how shiro had survived within black's consciousness, how time passed in there, how much shiro had been aware of. if shiro is even shiro if his body, the atoms that once made up takashi shirogane are lost to the cosmos.
fuck. keith dwells on it for a beat too long, and he has to duck eye contact immediately to bite the sinside of his cheek. shiro will always be shiro, and getting sidetracked on bullshit armchair phlosophy about the nature of existence is the last thing he needs to be doing right now.
but sickly, something inside him wants to laugh in self beration. of course shiro's plan makes more sense than a rushed attempt to get information. of course. patience yields focus and all that.chest feeling tight, he chokes on the thought that despite all that shiro had once wanted him to lead.
still wants him to lead?
he takes a deep breath and forces a tiny smile. ]
... Lance came up with that?
[ ... fuck. it's not even surprising. despite being a loud mouth, the guy can be solid on planning when he needs to be and frankly this whole "I was busy" line that he'd used to outright avoid keith for weeks suddenly makes him feel so disgustingly juvenile for being hurt.
looks like everyone else is trying to be productive in their own way. what does keith even have to show for anything at this point? smile turning into a grimace, he grips his arms tighter as he slides halfway down the wall. ]
[ it’s that same uncertain awareness of before: is he more relieved or more regretful that keith backs down? shiro can’t pinpoint it. both, he supposes, though he’s leaning more heavily on the latter. he came here to check on keith, not to beat him down. the extent of him relenting catches him off guard, weirdly enough. see, keith’s got that nasty rep of being a hothead but keith’s reasonable. shiro knows this. should know this, but truthfully? he’s a little surprised that the fight leaves keith, so much so that he becomes – smaller. no one should look small like that when dressed in clunky armor and yet, keith disappears a little, gripping his arms tighter and sliding lower. the apology is the icing on top that he never asked for, nor wanted.
that agitated, livewire buzz that had him twitching and itching to pace before? it drains out of existence and with it, shiro deflates visibly, the solid line of his shoulders drooping as he sighs a miserable, barely there sound. ]
Hey… it’s okay. No harm done.
[ right. because he just happened to be here to intercept keith and stop him before harm could happen. he leaves that thought behind as he steps forward, crossing the bit of distance to stand closer to that pitiful half-lean keith has going against the wall. he’s tempted to haul him up himself and right this imbalance, but he offers his hand out instead, akin to the clasp they make before dragging each other into a hug. ]
Just… [ his voice wavers, his smile weak. ] … remember that we’re a team, okay? You don’t have to figure out everything on your own.
[ keith's gaze shifts towards the hand extended out towards him, but is slow to reach out and clasp shiro's hand and follow thorugh with the motion of their usual routine. not because he's angry, but because deep down he's started questioning whether or not he even deserves that. shiro had been pissed not even a minute ago, and now this? keith feels sick to his stomach, contemplating and hedging on the lamest compromise of a limp wristed grab and a step closer. the armor makes at least gives him some plausible deniability as to why he doesn't bump chest to chest. ]
I do though.
[ his voice is shaky, quiet and trails off whisper soft before keith has to clear his throat and star over. ]
I can never put anyone else through the warden's horrible punishment, okay? If I just kept my mouth shut and went to the lighthouse alone, then at least Lance would've never been forced to make a naked public apology and freak out about a guy coming to use him. I -- [ voice wavering, keith bites the inside of his lip and drags in a deep breath through his nose. ]
We're a team. I know that. But I could never live with myself if anything I suggested put you in a compromising position like that. Never.
[ not the most reassuring grab in the history of their one-two, bro hugs, but it’s better than nothing. a tug brings keith up and close, and it works to settle shiro’s unease for the briefest of moments. but then he lets go and his mind starts picking apart all the differences here: weak grasp, kept distance, no smile on the step back. they certainly aren’t out of the woods yet, not by a long shot. shiro tries not to frown too intensely and ends up somewhere in the vicinity of pity, concern and apprehension, which really leaves him looking sad.
he doesn’t interrupt; he lets keith say his piece. some trawling through the network archives has shiro caught up on the whole lighthouse debacle. some days, he thinks he should talk to lance about it, but has never actually gotten beyond a general how are you holding up. probably for the best. reopening wounds of the past doesn’t always lead to better healing, shiro knows that well enough. he'll figure that out later. see, lance isn’t the priority here – true as it is, he feels guilty thinking it – keith is. and it’s funny, almost, how they’re of similar mind, yet so completely opposite at the same time. ]
I can’t take you getting punished again either.
[ in any capacity, whether it’s shiro’s fault, keith’s fault, whoever’s fault. still standing close, he places a hand on his shoulder. well, his shoulder guard. it feels weird under his palm, like he’s barred from actually offering keith his specific brand of comfort. still, his hand stays and he frowns. ]
It was hard seeing you when those things went rogue. [ it’s reluctant at first, like saying the words breathes life back into the terror felt when communal went to hell. they start coming faster after the first few though. ] It was like before. I dunno how much you even remember, you were shaking and out of it and…
[ and then they cut off completely. he sighs and shakes his head, dismissing wherever he’d been going with that. the point he’s trying to make, is: ]
I don’t like you hurting, Keith. [ a beat, voice strengthening with certainty. ] And you will, a lot, if you try to shoulder everything. I have your back, always. You just gotta talk me through the things you’ve got going on, so we can do what's best for everyone.
[ keith's glance shifts to the side where shiro's hand clasps his shoulder. his expression shifts somewhat with the motion as well as guilt colors over. honestly, he's probably tried to take most things on by himself after shiro died. leading voltron hadn't gone so well in the immediate aftermath, but he'd never really been able to get the team to get behind what keith felt were the top priorities in chasing lotor and the mystery quintessence. then when he'd found the clone, rather than cause waves within a splintering team, he'd chosen to leave and go fight with the blades because clearly everyone else wanted to play diplomat and expand the coalition with pr and fancy dinner parties.
of course, handling everything alone in the harsh environment of the quantum abyss would have been suicide. keith's learned that it's okay to rely on his mom and developed a working bond with his space wolf. the three of them had felt like a great team and to an extent even voltron had felt alright again when they fought together to fight lotor.
after that? keith thinks he was finding his footing. but then him and lance turned up here and his interpersonal relationships have all been messy again. whether that be from being too close to lance and bgetting burned, or keeping shiro a mental arm's length away just to avoid his best firend from having to know certain truths about the future -- it's all starting to feel like one wrong call after another. his expression fractures even further when shiro explicitly brings up the robots. before.
no, the fact of the matter is that keith's done a terrible job of navigating the fault lines dotting their relationship. he'd said and done a whole lot of things that can't be taken back with shiro, and he still doesn't know if he's ready to actually talk about it. he bites his lip, then looks down at his feet. ]
I just... I can't handle it, Shiro. Whenever I see those things I don't feel like I belong in my own body.
[ he laughs, managing just the tinitest bitter noise. ]
The experiment didn't even get that far, thanks to you. But I just -- I see them. And I can't sit still. I can't think. I need to get out of here. Place doesn't make me feel right.
[ keith looks down but shiro doesn’t look away, though it his chest panging something awful to see keith broken down and hiding. yes, he’s hiding. trying at least. he did that a lot in the beginning: staring out the classroom window, sitting apart from the simulator group, stealing his jeep, ducking his head down outside of disciplinary waiting to be sent away. what about that year out on his own too? point is, keith had – has? – a nasty habit of disconnecting or running away when the overwhelming and disappointing aspects of reality close in. looking back on it now, shiro’s surprised keith didn’t try to pull this stunt immediately following his punishment.
god dammit. shiro feels like a shitty friend. he should’ve checked in more often. should’ve really talked keith through what happened. through everything that happened. and at the job fair? the first time he saw one of those bots, he should’ve gone looking for keith, instead of fiddling time away in bullshit classes and walking a fucking catwalk. he just… tends to think of keith as resilient. the boy makes it through everything, no matter what, because he’s strong and smart and stubborn and exactly the kind of person shiro can depend on to be there when he needs him to be.
is shiro that person for keith though? where’s shiro when keith needs him? always a few minutes late of hitting the necessary cue.
frowning through his self-flagellation, shiro steps back into keith’s space and grips his other shoulder, holding him by both. ]
We’re gonna get out of here. [ he’s certain of that, at least. ] I’ll have access to restricted areas soon. I’ll find something we can use.
[ he ducks his head down, trying to catch keith’s attention and get him to look up. ]
You just have to hang in there a little longer, okay? Nothing’s gonna harm you like that again. I’ll always come get you, no matter what.
[ he did both times, right? late, he reminds himself. still, he did come. there’s some comfort in that, isn’t there? his tablet answers that for him. it’s not a chime. it’s that other sound, the one that signals something being checked off. he straightens up, expression turning puzzled as he shoulder checks the knapsack secured to his back, as if that’ll reveal an answer. the only thing it could be is…
ah, right. he knows. that doesn’t settle his thoughts though. now he’s thinking of sentence sheets and obvious ways to get out of here. there's a moment of hesitation and then a tentative: ]
But if it’s really too much… [ he looks back to keith and slowly releases his hold of him. ]
How much of your sentence do you have left?
Edited (i really hate it when i press post and THEN zero in on the typo) 2022-06-08 02:19 (UTC)
[ whatever comfort there had been to find in shiro's reassurances sublimates into the ether the second the tablets chime off in succession. keith balks visibly as he turns to look towards the cot where his tablet is screen down. he squirms out from under shiro's hands a beat later as an unsettling combination of mortification and confusion hit hard. there isn't anything on his sentence sheet that could possibly have earned him any credits just now, and the uncertainty makes him grab his tablet hurriedly to check.
a notification fills the screen readingL congratulations! you have receieved credits for completion of community service: hurt/comfort". keith's reaction isn't even remotely subtle. ]
Huh?
[ exclamation blurted and suddenly deeply unsure if he's gotten a new sentence added to his sheet for reasons unknown, he quickly sqipes to his rap sheet, cheeks still residually flushed red, but recovering fast with a slight frown. ]
I don't... who got hurt?
[ it's a little oblivious perhaps, but his confusion is painfully earnest. if he'd been thinking just a little straighter, franily keith would know showing shiro his sheet and what sentences have been crossed off is a terrible idea considering the earful that's bound to come when his best friend sees "anonymity" has been crossed off, but he turns the screen around for shiro's perusal with a shake of his head. ]
It's these.
[ alongside anonymity, fighting/wrestling, bondage, flexibility/contortionism, sexual exhaustion and rubbing/grinding have all been marked off. ]
[ shiro turns and watches keith frantically locate his tablet, brows rising. shiro already knows what notification he’s going to find, so it’s fascinating to watch, truth be told. the confusion to further confusion to befuddled acceptance…? shiro would laugh if the subject matter weren’t so sensitive. the unexpected bit of whiplash in terms of one serious discussion to an intermission of amusement has shiro slow in reaction, so when the tablet is abruptly turned toward him, he simply stares at it, uncomprehending. one beat, two beat, and onto three, he recovers. he’d been anticipating a numerical answer, not a free pass to look the sentence sheet over himself.
like hell he’s passing up the opportunity though.
walking across the cube over to keith by the bed, shiro doesn’t think twice before reaching out and taking the tablet from his hands. all else becomes background noise, his attention turning solely to the sheet, already trying to commit it to memory. a lot of these community service requirements look similar; oddly enough, they share a little more than one-third of them. prostitution bothers him, just like it does on his own, as well as exhibitionism, though he supposes that’s better than his similar, although worse dogging. anonymity catches his interest and he feels something akin of dread churn his chest and have him feeling sick, though he can’t place why. too much of a coincidence; there’s no possible way, especially because anonymous’ dick…
he wrinkles his nose and forces himself to read on, noting the other completed kinks… and more so, the ones that aren’t. keith has sexual exhaustion checked off? that in itself is – fine? good? keith’s checking off his list and, presumably, enjoying his time while doing it, so that can’t be anything other than good, right? should be, except he doesn’t have aftercare checked off. if someone rode him into the mattress, then shouldn’t there be a check off on the following care that should have happened?
that’s not even the worst of the uncompleted.
he stares at one in particular, mentally willing it to ping with a delayed notification. but of course nothing changes, other than shiro’s eyes straining and a headache forming from the way his thoughts are running circles. he glances up and he’s still wrinkled up on a frown, eyes imploring, yet sad. ]
You haven’t kissed anyone? Even though you’ve… done all this?
[ the instant keith allows shiro to take the tablet out of his hands is the same moment he finally thinks shit. it'd probably be some kind of faux pas to make a grab for it, huh? keith glances up at shiro's face, trying not to look particularly guilty, but paradoxically looks even guiltier for the attempt. what for? keith couldn't even say. after all, shiro allegedly isn't interested in policing.
or interested generally, but that's probably for the better considering the utter shambles his relationship with lance is in. in short, keith is braced for something, but guarded as he may be still hadn't anticipated on shiro zeroing in on the most harmless act on his sentencing like a laser. ]
I... [ keith flusters instantly. this conversation had started off with no illusions about how keith feels about life at prison, so there's little hope of credibility if he tried to maintain an aloof air about his sentencing, but that said having that speciifc sentence called out scrambles his thoughts. nothing about intimacy here has been normal, so not kissing hadn't seem that off, but the surprise on shiro's face makes keith feel a little like dissociating again for having to explain that nothing's wrong. ]
... yeah?
[ yeah. the winner of all arguments and ender of all debates dispensed, keith reaches for his tablet and gently tries to tug it out of shiro's grasp. ]
[ way to put shiro’s mind at ease, keith. not that he’s concerned. much. he said it the first day: he’s not here to police. as far as he’s concerned, keith can conduct himself any way he sees fit, as long as it doesn’t negatively affect the team or himself. see, it’s that last part that gives shiro too much wiggle room. this should be a done deal: let keith tug the tablet away and say as long as that works for you or looks like you’ve got a handle on things, good job. okay, maybe not the good job, that’s pushing it. the point is, he shouldn’t be getting involved.
… but he is involved. forget being leader, he’s keith’s best friend first and foremost and he cares about him. a lot, a lot. in short? this doesn’t sit right.
so, no, keith won’t be getting off the hook with his stellar rebuttal. in the next beat, shiro pivots slightly, the movement gently prying the tablet out of keith’s grip. he pulls it closer too, just to thwart any misguided attempt to snatch it from him. ]
And aftercare too.
[ he’s tunnel visioned. if he really thought about the community service kinks that are marked off, he’d maybe connect the dots that a lot of them can be attributed to the incident with the fuzzy handcuffs. but he sees anonymous and bondage and flexibility, and then simply assumes keith’s been finding other inmates. kind of like that blonde woman with the blue and pink, at the party awhile back. keith hooked up with her, right? shiro saw the two together on the dancefloor and then…
thinking of that may explain why he forgets himself in the moment and asks a very blunt: ]
Who are you hooking up with? Why aren’t they taking care of you afterwards?
[ chagrin colors his expression when shiro makes it clear that the tablet will not be handed back over without a game of tug-of-war. keith hesitates a beat, but meets that challenge by placing a palm on the screen and reaching to hook his fingers around the edge closest to shiro. he doesn't actually yank, but it's made clear enough that shiro's free reign over the tablet is over. balking over being asked such a sensitive question so blatantly from someone who was allegedly not going to be policing. ]
I -- [ he falterers with his words, clearly flustered, but doesn't look away. ] I don't need to be taken care of, Shiro. It's better this way. I'm not good with people so it's fine just like this.
[ keith trying for the tablet again is fine. shiro doesn’t actually need to look at it anymore. he has the big ones memorized and given enough time to think, he can dig out the others as well. why is it important he remember keith’s sentencing? he can’t even say. it’s not as though he’ll know if or when another part of his community service is checked off. because, heh, he’s not here to police, right?
he holds keith’s gaze and relaxes his hold on the tablet, silently disagreeing to every sentence that comes out of his mouth.
i don't need to be taken care of, shiro. not true. it's better this way. no, it isn’t. i'm not good with people so it's fine just like this. about that… ]
You’re good with people. [ just check out his harem. the frown won’t leave him, though his eyes soften. ] It’s people who aren’t good to you.
[ clearly, from this ridiculous list that doesn’t even have the givens checked off. but it’s always been true. the teachers from junior high to the garrison who dubbed him a disciplinary issue. the griffins of the world who rubbed salt into the wounds. even the lances who had it out for him for shallow reasons. so actually – shiro will amend his earlier thought. keith’s right, he doesn’t need to be taken care of, because he’s found ways to do that himself… but shiro wishes people would anyway. ]
[ the comment makes keith visibly miss a beat, expression softening as he stares. there's no other word than jarring to describe the moment. shiro is his best friend and for as long as keith can remember, he's always been his strongest advocate and a sturdy shoulder to lean on. of course shiro, of all people, would be the one person to look past his abrasive outer shell and still think it's other people who don't treat him right.
he doesn't mean to laugh, but it comes out as a bittersweet huff as he thinks back to his first day sitting in the black lion alone after shiro's death. i know you wanted this for me, but i can't lead them like you. ... heh.
it didn't matter much in the end. it's true, keith never got the hang of leading like shiro, but he could still lead in his own way. but it's clearly not working here, so the best he can muster up is some genuine appreciation that if nothing else, shiro still believes in him. he doesn't yank the tablet out ofhis best friend's hands, and instead offers hima an earnest but wan smile. ]
... You already got your credits for comfort, you know. Doubt they're gonna give you more credits if you make me cry.
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[ keith lets out a breath ,relaxing as thoughts of voyeurs, stalkers and creeps fade to the wayside. the relief is short lived however when it occurs to him that shiro wouldn't randomly be sitting outside his cube and thus probably wants to talk about something. if there's one thing keith truly hates about this place, it's how it's instilled a new dread in him over the prospect of talking to his best friend. swallowing hard and trying to shake out the tension in his shoulders, keith shoots for something nonchalant. ]
You uh... having a party by yourself out here?
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[ he laughs a little, just to take the edge of the awkwardness he can feel beginning to shroud him. a push has him climbing to his feet and a brush as his backside gets off a small dusting of dirt. ]
I know this is unusual to drop in on you like this. [ to put it mildly. he’s smiling in that concerned, yet encouraging way of his as he turns fully to keith, taking a step closer. ] After what happened, I wanted to be here when you woke up and make sure… [ you’re okay. except, he stops short when his brain recognizes what it is he’s seeing. ]
You’re in your armor.
[ why is the unspoken question. ]
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Uh...... [ he glances down at his armor clad body, then looks back up at shiro. ] Yeah.
[ it's almost funny. what seems like a a lifetime ago, allura had caught him sneaking around the pods at night dressed in full armor. somehow he doubts this exchange will go any better. ]
Just.. wanted to go for a walk.
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in fact, he’s in favor of stepping further and does so, with another few steps that bring him closer to the door. it grants him a better look at keith, who is, of course, dressed in full armor. now, the prison isn’t exactly safe, shiro gets that, so armor isn’t a bad idea. but if safety is the concern, why go stomping around in the middle of the night?
… shiro gets a free pass because he had a purpose and a destination. keith here? doesn’t. unless… ]
A walk where?
[ eyes slightly narrowed, there’s a hint of suspicion there. he can’t imagine keith is just out for some fresh air. ]
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Oh you know. Around.
[ silence hangs for two beats before even keith has to admit that the answer is wholly unsatisfying in addition to being suspicious. ]
Around the complex. Doing a perimeter check.
[ a perimeter check that includes a perimeter of forbidden territory, that is. keith is almost proud of himself for coming up with something that gives him plausible deniability here, butsomehow he doubts shiro will make that easy. ]
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or at the very least, a half-truth.
either way, lying or not, it doesn’t matter. if keith is suited up and doing a parameter check of the compound at ass o’clock, middle of the night, and shiro happens to be in the same vicinity, then – ]
In that case, I’m coming with you.
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[ it's an overreaction and the nanosecond after the word's left keith's mouth, his shoulders sag, defeated. scrubbing down his face with his gloved hand, keith grimaces and reiws again, tone softer this time and pleading. ]
Shiro, I don't want you getting in trouble, okay? I can't handle you getting in trouble on my account. SO just... [ he looks to the ground, swallowing once before shooting shiro a chagrined expression. ]
Please.
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truthfully? he’s annoyed in some small capacity. he doesn’t like being misled, especially after what happened at the job fair. shiro’s concerned. he feels it’s his right to be concerned about keith, and so, keith deliberately trying to sidestep him with some shoddy cover story, rubs him the wrong way.
so, have an unimpressed look, keith. ]
Why would I be getting into trouble? We’re free to walk the grounds.
[ sure, there are those robotic sentries also patrolling but there is no actual curfew, as far as shiro can tell. ]
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keith takes a step backwards into his cube, making a motion for shiro to come inside before shutting the door and taking a deep breath. ]
Listen. I know what you're going to tell me. Don't do it, it's stupid -- and yeah, I hear you. But I can't just sit around here anynore not doing anything while the warden keeps cooking up more messed up things to fucking rape us with, okay?
[ amrs folding around himself, keith takes a more measured breath careful to keep his tone calm. it's easier to speak when his head isn't buzzing with thoughts of the job fair. ]
So I'm going to check out the facility on the other side of the blocked off path.
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actually, forget the duty associated with team voltron; shiro and keith are a team. they’re best friends. when did talking to each other become such a trial? heh. probably right around the time he had to use fuzzy handcuffs on said best friend.
shiro doesn’t grimace, but it’s a near thing, as he stands inside keith’s cube, listening to keith attempt to cut him off with don’t do it, it’s stupid, i hear you. he’s not wrong. it is a stupid plan. one that’s lacking thought and comprehension for impending consequences. a frown comes to him, one that furrows tighter the more keith talks and talks and – oh.
rape us. that, combined with keith folding in and hugging himself has shiro’s face relaxing, unintentionally morphing into a more pitying look. not for long, of course, but for a few moments, he understands, he emphasizes and he wants to allow keith whatever it is he needs to do to stop looking like that. only, in the next beat, that want is squashed under the more potent concern and frustration. ]
Need I remind you that this is the same type of plan that got you one on one time with that machine? What happens when you get caught and the Warden again cooks up something specifically for you?
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not for the first time since becoming a prisoner, keith is faced with the reminder that it's loenly here. that he's lonely here, even though it makes little sense when the entirety of team voltron are around. ]
This is different. The Warden never specified that the facility was out of bounds. Only the lighthouse.
[ the defensiveness is automatic, in part provoked by shiro's more combative refusal to hear him out. there's solid grounds for his reasoning, but obviously the warden isn't likely to be impressed by ruleslawyering. keith grimaces inwardly, then looks up at shiro. ]
What are you even suggesting then? That I just sit still as those fucking robots roama round and do whatever they like? We can't just all sit here forever, you know.
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and hell, of all things to wear when pulling off a black-ops spy gig. sneaking into areas is better done without white armor.
so yes, shiro’s disappointed, for a lot of reasons. keith turning it back on him and asking, yet more so accusing him, certainly doesn’t help matters either. he takes a breath and staves off the urge to snap, and then releases a sigh after a deliberate pause. ]
Don’t be like that. [ his tone is strangely mellowed, even a touch defeated. ] I never implied we would sit around.
[ so that’s what keith thinks of him. a no-good leader, sitting on his hands and leaving his team to be ravaged by the horrors of prison life. heh. he shakes it off, knowing he’s being unfair and petty, assuming the worst of keith. ]
I was talking to Lance. At the fair, before everything happened – he had a solid idea of getting me in to work for the maintenance crew. [ a beat, expression a little more open. encouraging? hopeful? this is a better plan, isn’t it, keith? ] I would have plausible deniability if I got caught snooping around there. We just have to give it time for me to get access.
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there's a lot that shiro doesn't know and keith recognizes that most of that is his fault. his fault for having passively left the task of telling shiro about voltron to pidge, lance and hunk. his fault for always just wanting to shield his best friend from harm and the pain of knowing horific existential trutshs about his demise and return. there's too many things that keith himself doesn't have answers to -- like how shiro had survived within black's consciousness, how time passed in there, how much shiro had been aware of. if shiro is even shiro if his body, the atoms that once made up takashi shirogane are lost to the cosmos.
fuck. keith dwells on it for a beat too long, and he has to duck eye contact immediately to bite the sinside of his cheek. shiro will always be shiro, and getting sidetracked on bullshit armchair phlosophy about the nature of existence is the last thing he needs to be doing right now.
but sickly, something inside him wants to laugh in self beration. of course shiro's plan makes more sense than a rushed attempt to get information. of course. patience yields focus and all that.chest feeling tight, he chokes on the thought that despite all that shiro had once wanted him to lead.
still wants him to lead?
he takes a deep breath and forces a tiny smile. ]
... Lance came up with that?
[ ... fuck. it's not even surprising. despite being a loud mouth, the guy can be solid on planning when he needs to be and frankly this whole "I was busy" line that he'd used to outright avoid keith for weeks suddenly makes him feel so disgustingly juvenile for being hurt.
looks like everyone else is trying to be productive in their own way. what does keith even have to show for anything at this point? smile turning into a grimace, he grips his arms tighter as he slides halfway down the wall. ]
I'm.... sorry.
[ for too many things. ]
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that agitated, livewire buzz that had him twitching and itching to pace before? it drains out of existence and with it, shiro deflates visibly, the solid line of his shoulders drooping as he sighs a miserable, barely there sound. ]
Hey… it’s okay. No harm done.
[ right. because he just happened to be here to intercept keith and stop him before harm could happen. he leaves that thought behind as he steps forward, crossing the bit of distance to stand closer to that pitiful half-lean keith has going against the wall. he’s tempted to haul him up himself and right this imbalance, but he offers his hand out instead, akin to the clasp they make before dragging each other into a hug. ]
Just… [ his voice wavers, his smile weak. ] … remember that we’re a team, okay? You don’t have to figure out everything on your own.
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I do though.
[ his voice is shaky, quiet and trails off whisper soft before keith has to clear his throat and star over. ]
I can never put anyone else through the warden's horrible punishment, okay? If I just kept my mouth shut and went to the lighthouse alone, then at least Lance would've never been forced to make a naked public apology and freak out about a guy coming to use him. I -- [ voice wavering, keith bites the inside of his lip and drags in a deep breath through his nose. ]
We're a team. I know that. But I could never live with myself if anything I suggested put you in a compromising position like that. Never.
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he doesn’t interrupt; he lets keith say his piece. some trawling through the network archives has shiro caught up on the whole lighthouse debacle. some days, he thinks he should talk to lance about it, but has never actually gotten beyond a general how are you holding up. probably for the best. reopening wounds of the past doesn’t always lead to better healing, shiro knows that well enough. he'll figure that out later. see, lance isn’t the priority here – true as it is, he feels guilty thinking it – keith is. and it’s funny, almost, how they’re of similar mind, yet so completely opposite at the same time. ]
I can’t take you getting punished again either.
[ in any capacity, whether it’s shiro’s fault, keith’s fault, whoever’s fault. still standing close, he places a hand on his shoulder. well, his shoulder guard. it feels weird under his palm, like he’s barred from actually offering keith his specific brand of comfort. still, his hand stays and he frowns. ]
It was hard seeing you when those things went rogue. [ it’s reluctant at first, like saying the words breathes life back into the terror felt when communal went to hell. they start coming faster after the first few though. ] It was like before. I dunno how much you even remember, you were shaking and out of it and…
[ and then they cut off completely. he sighs and shakes his head, dismissing wherever he’d been going with that. the point he’s trying to make, is: ]
I don’t like you hurting, Keith. [ a beat, voice strengthening with certainty. ] And you will, a lot, if you try to shoulder everything. I have your back, always. You just gotta talk me through the things you’ve got going on, so we can do what's best for everyone.
[ kind of rich coming from him, huh? ]
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of course, handling everything alone in the harsh environment of the quantum abyss would have been suicide. keith's learned that it's okay to rely on his mom and developed a working bond with his space wolf. the three of them had felt like a great team and to an extent even voltron had felt alright again when they fought together to fight lotor.
after that? keith thinks he was finding his footing. but then him and lance turned up here and his interpersonal relationships have all been messy again. whether that be from being too close to lance and bgetting burned, or keeping shiro a mental arm's length away just to avoid his best firend from having to know certain truths about the future -- it's all starting to feel like one wrong call after another. his expression fractures even further when shiro explicitly brings up the robots. before.
no, the fact of the matter is that keith's done a terrible job of navigating the fault lines dotting their relationship. he'd said and done a whole lot of things that can't be taken back with shiro, and he still doesn't know if he's ready to actually talk about it. he bites his lip, then looks down at his feet. ]
I just... I can't handle it, Shiro. Whenever I see those things I don't feel like I belong in my own body.
[ he laughs, managing just the tinitest bitter noise. ]
The experiment didn't even get that far, thanks to you. But I just -- I see them. And I can't sit still. I can't think. I need to get out of here. Place doesn't make me feel right.
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god dammit. shiro feels like a shitty friend. he should’ve checked in more often. should’ve really talked keith through what happened. through everything that happened. and at the job fair? the first time he saw one of those bots, he should’ve gone looking for keith, instead of fiddling time away in bullshit classes and walking a fucking catwalk. he just… tends to think of keith as resilient. the boy makes it through everything, no matter what, because he’s strong and smart and stubborn and exactly the kind of person shiro can depend on to be there when he needs him to be.
is shiro that person for keith though? where’s shiro when keith needs him? always a few minutes late of hitting the necessary cue.
frowning through his self-flagellation, shiro steps back into keith’s space and grips his other shoulder, holding him by both. ]
We’re gonna get out of here. [ he’s certain of that, at least. ] I’ll have access to restricted areas soon. I’ll find something we can use.
[ he ducks his head down, trying to catch keith’s attention and get him to look up. ]
You just have to hang in there a little longer, okay? Nothing’s gonna harm you like that again. I’ll always come get you, no matter what.
[ he did both times, right? late, he reminds himself. still, he did come. there’s some comfort in that, isn’t there? his tablet answers that for him. it’s not a chime. it’s that other sound, the one that signals something being checked off. he straightens up, expression turning puzzled as he shoulder checks the knapsack secured to his back, as if that’ll reveal an answer. the only thing it could be is…
ah, right. he knows. that doesn’t settle his thoughts though. now he’s thinking of sentence sheets and obvious ways to get out of here. there's a moment of hesitation and then a tentative: ]
But if it’s really too much… [ he looks back to keith and slowly releases his hold of him. ]
How much of your sentence do you have left?
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a notification fills the screen readingL congratulations! you have receieved credits for completion of community service: hurt/comfort". keith's reaction isn't even remotely subtle. ]
Huh?
[ exclamation blurted and suddenly deeply unsure if he's gotten a new sentence added to his sheet for reasons unknown, he quickly sqipes to his rap sheet, cheeks still residually flushed red, but recovering fast with a slight frown. ]
I don't... who got hurt?
[ it's a little oblivious perhaps, but his confusion is painfully earnest. if he'd been thinking just a little straighter, franily keith would know showing shiro his sheet and what sentences have been crossed off is a terrible idea considering the earful that's bound to come when his best friend sees "anonymity" has been crossed off, but he turns the screen around for shiro's perusal with a shake of his head. ]
It's these.
[ alongside anonymity, fighting/wrestling, bondage, flexibility/contortionism, sexual exhaustion and rubbing/grinding have all been marked off. ]
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like hell he’s passing up the opportunity though.
walking across the cube over to keith by the bed, shiro doesn’t think twice before reaching out and taking the tablet from his hands. all else becomes background noise, his attention turning solely to the sheet, already trying to commit it to memory. a lot of these community service requirements look similar; oddly enough, they share a little more than one-third of them. prostitution bothers him, just like it does on his own, as well as exhibitionism, though he supposes that’s better than his similar, although worse dogging. anonymity catches his interest and he feels something akin of dread churn his chest and have him feeling sick, though he can’t place why. too much of a coincidence; there’s no possible way, especially because anonymous’ dick…
he wrinkles his nose and forces himself to read on, noting the other completed kinks… and more so, the ones that aren’t. keith has sexual exhaustion checked off? that in itself is – fine? good? keith’s checking off his list and, presumably, enjoying his time while doing it, so that can’t be anything other than good, right? should be, except he doesn’t have aftercare checked off. if someone rode him into the mattress, then shouldn’t there be a check off on the following care that should have happened?
that’s not even the worst of the uncompleted.
he stares at one in particular, mentally willing it to ping with a delayed notification. but of course nothing changes, other than shiro’s eyes straining and a headache forming from the way his thoughts are running circles. he glances up and he’s still wrinkled up on a frown, eyes imploring, yet sad. ]
You haven’t kissed anyone? Even though you’ve… done all this?
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or interested generally, but that's probably for the better considering the utter shambles his relationship with lance is in. in short, keith is braced for something, but guarded as he may be still hadn't anticipated on shiro zeroing in on the most harmless act on his sentencing like a laser. ]
I... [ keith flusters instantly. this conversation had started off with no illusions about how keith feels about life at prison, so there's little hope of credibility if he tried to maintain an aloof air about his sentencing, but that said having that speciifc sentence called out scrambles his thoughts. nothing about intimacy here has been normal, so not kissing hadn't seem that off, but the surprise on shiro's face makes keith feel a little like dissociating again for having to explain that nothing's wrong. ]
... yeah?
[ yeah. the winner of all arguments and ender of all debates dispensed, keith reaches for his tablet and gently tries to tug it out of shiro's grasp. ]
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… but he is involved. forget being leader, he’s keith’s best friend first and foremost and he cares about him. a lot, a lot. in short? this doesn’t sit right.
so, no, keith won’t be getting off the hook with his stellar rebuttal. in the next beat, shiro pivots slightly, the movement gently prying the tablet out of keith’s grip. he pulls it closer too, just to thwart any misguided attempt to snatch it from him. ]
And aftercare too.
[ he’s tunnel visioned. if he really thought about the community service kinks that are marked off, he’d maybe connect the dots that a lot of them can be attributed to the incident with the fuzzy handcuffs. but he sees anonymous and bondage and flexibility, and then simply assumes keith’s been finding other inmates. kind of like that blonde woman with the blue and pink, at the party awhile back. keith hooked up with her, right? shiro saw the two together on the dancefloor and then…
thinking of that may explain why he forgets himself in the moment and asks a very blunt: ]
Who are you hooking up with? Why aren’t they taking care of you afterwards?
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I -- [ he falterers with his words, clearly flustered, but doesn't look away. ] I don't need to be taken care of, Shiro. It's better this way. I'm not good with people so it's fine just like this.
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he holds keith’s gaze and relaxes his hold on the tablet, silently disagreeing to every sentence that comes out of his mouth.
i don't need to be taken care of, shiro. not true.
it's better this way. no, it isn’t.
i'm not good with people so it's fine just like this. about that… ]
You’re good with people. [
just check out his harem. the frown won’t leave him, though his eyes soften. ] It’s people who aren’t good to you.[ clearly, from this ridiculous list that doesn’t even have the givens checked off. but it’s always been true. the teachers from junior high to the garrison who dubbed him a disciplinary issue. the griffins of the world who rubbed salt into the wounds. even the lances who had it out for him for shallow reasons. so actually – shiro will amend his earlier thought. keith’s right, he doesn’t need to be taken care of, because he’s found ways to do that himself… but shiro wishes people would anyway. ]
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he doesn't mean to laugh, but it comes out as a bittersweet huff as he thinks back to his first day sitting in the black lion alone after shiro's death. i know you wanted this for me, but i can't lead them like you. ... heh.
it didn't matter much in the end. it's true, keith never got the hang of leading like shiro, but he could still lead in his own way. but it's clearly not working here, so the best he can muster up is some genuine appreciation that if nothing else, shiro still believes in him. he doesn't yank the tablet out ofhis best friend's hands, and instead offers hima an earnest but wan smile. ]
... You already got your credits for comfort, you know. Doubt they're gonna give you more credits if you make me cry.
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ok im assuming w the armor helpfulness, tell me if this isn't what you had in mind
how dare you assume
i'm sorry i didn't assume shiro helping keith strip completely
o-oh. suddenly so bold....!
i just now realized shiro was last holding the tablet and i forgot about it
haha i assumed he put the tablet down
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i'm tagging this just so you stop editing.
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1/3
2/3
3;3
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the thread of the disappearing tablet and the changing outfits.
shiro's magic powers: disapparing tablets, quic changing and blue balling
if that pet sign event happens, shiro's title should be the blueballer
nah he's the holepuncher
imagine him having that sign and keith being like, holepuncher...? shiro: /sweats
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the icon is a lie
omg you lied to me