marmoron | [noctium] imbox

[ shiro's going to have to stand by for a minute or two because the cat (as is her correct title of address) may or may not have scratched keith's arm when he started getting up to get away from his phone for a breather.

keith back now though, so time to see what disaster awaits him. and look. he's relieved by the denial, despite realizing he wasn't reading the situation correctly. ]

that's not what you said.
you said you wanted to squeeze and de-cream one. that sounds lewd.
wanting to smash one is different/ that's you being frustrated with something.

[ ...🤔 ]

[ and now he’s being lectured on the nuances between phrases. that’s what shiro asked for though, he supposes. still, shiro’s going to excuse himself from the table before he does something embarrassing like sink in his seat and pout.

… which is why he’ll end up doing it outside and around the corner of the entrance. there, leaned up against the wall, he’ll tap out: ]

I ditched the eclairs. So no smashing and no lewd alternatives. I think I’m going to stay away from donut shops for awhile.

[ and pretend he didn't make keith think he has a pastry fetish. ]

[ that's all well and good if shiro thinks that'll keep his dubious pastry induced feelings at bay, but keith's still mulling it all over. ]

just checking but
do you want to smash this too?

[ ………………………… why does he have the sudden urge to lick it?

but like hell he’s telling keith that or anything ever again. ]

No. But I’m inclined to smash my phone.

[ harassed about baked goods, what is life. ]

[ LISTEN. this line of questioning is very important. ]

ok ok. i'm sorry. i was just trying to understand, big guy.
maybe instead of you squeezing, de-creaming and smashing pastries, you could do it to something else?

[ 30 seconds: rereading, squinting.
1 minute: deciphering.
2 minutes: loading…
3 minutes: do. it. to. something. else. -- okay, is that keith being suggestive or is that keith just being… keith.
4 minutes: he hates texting. ]

I don’t want to sound like an idiot here but… are you flirting with me?

[ def sounds like an idiot. ]

🤔
i wonder.
sounds like you've got a case on your hands. better get to work on solving it.

[ in other words, yes? probably. ]

Edited 2021-07-05 23:52 (UTC)

[ okay. keith is fucking with him. meaning, yes, flirting is a go. ]

Alright. 🕵️‍♂️ I’m going to need some cooperation from the prime suspect. Spoiler: That’s you.

heh. but i don't feel like cooperating
guess you're gonna have to be more persuasive 😏

[ time to play this game of "how long will it take shiro to remember he's supposed to be working" ]

[ he is working. he’s currently questioning a criminal. it counts as official police business. ]

Persuasive is code for bribes. So what do you want for your cooperation? A baker’s dozen of eclairs? I can get you that.

aren't eclairs more your thing, big guy? 🤔

[ okay. deserved that. he walked right into that one. ]

I don’t have a monopoly on them. They could be your thing too.

[ shiro’s lost. is this flirting or is he digging the pastry-kink-hole deeper for himself? ]

[ not that shiro can see, but keith is laughing. ]

i already have a thing though
🍆 could be nice

[ the flirting is back on! ]

You’re in luck. I happen to have one of those. I’m willing to loan it out if you handle it with care.

oh yeah? ☺️
got any ideas on how i should properly care for it?

[ just curious! ]

[ oh boy. ]

Well, it’s pretty big, so it’s best to keep two hands on it at all times. You know, to keep it under control. Also, before you blow it, you should wet your lips for maximum comfort.

[ okay, well now he's laughing, but also? weirdly fond. ]

two hands and soft lips, huh?
sounds like it wants to hog all the attention.
what if i want at least one of those to do something else?

[ curious, very curious. ]

Depends on what this ‘something else’ is. Tell me? 🤔

[ oh. oh the places he could take this. like how maybe he needs one hand to make sure his boy's eyes don't go wandering off to the nearest baked good. shiro best appreciate just how merciful keith can be. ]

hey. you're supposed to be a sleuth
i can't just give you the answers.
gotta stay sharp, babe 👍

[ ah. so it’s gotta be like that. fine. ]

Okay. If we’re eliminating either your right hand, left hand, or mouth from being anywhere near the eggplant, I’m going to assume it’s your mouth that’s doing something else. [ slight delay between texts. ] You’ll be too busy sassing me with that mouth of yours to do anything else with it. [ once a brat, always a brat.]

oh c'mon.
i do plenty of things with my mouth that don't involve sassing you

or are you saying that according to the eggplant
using my mouth to do anything else is sass by definition?
b/c that just sounds like it needs to learn how to share

[ LATELY THOUGH? shiro is unconvinced. ]

The eggplant does share! It has been very patient in its waiting to be taken out and taken care of.

[ there's a bunch of ways keith could respond to that, but he ends up mulling this one over. text makes tone hard to infer, so maybe he shouldn't be thinking about this too hard? but still, they were just talking about shiro being frustrated and .... well, this seems like it could be a root cause. ]

yeah. i guess the eggplant has been reallu good.
hope it's not mad at me
😔

[ ah jeez. shiro’s the supposed detective here and yet, he hasn’t put frustration an’ eggplant together in the same way keith has.
help him. he needs… help. ]

It’s not mad. It’s lonely and wants to be put to good use.

[ ...oh. why does this make him a lil sad. ]

ok. i'm sorry.
i didn't mean to make it feel that way

I DONT UNDERSTAND.

i have so many regrets.

we both know you don't have any regrets

ok this is true. i forget how this shitpost came about but i'm happy it did.

i'm sure it came about because of you

you should be thanking me then.

ah yes, thank you for making keith think shiro has a pastry fetish??

istg. if keith bakes him a bubble butt for their next anniversary...

...don't lie. shiro would gobble it up. cream and all.

if keith used his own dumpster truck ass as a mold for the bread, sure.

time to get a silicone mold made....

shiro would develop a baked goods kink if keith started using his ass for bread, cakes

/CLOSES EYES

this shitpost needs to be contained.

i think noct sheith need to be contained generally....

the world is not ready for... whatever they are.

/I/ am not ready

and yet here you are, encouraging it.

i encourage nothing.

you're full of lies.

slanderer

i had a plan for this thread @ one point. now i have none.

what was the plan...

shiro was gonna pull a prank. he was talking about the eggplant float. YOU KNOW THE ONE.

omg HOW DID THIS GET SO DERAILED.....