marmoron | [noctium] imbox

[ he is working. he’s currently questioning a criminal. it counts as official police business. ]

Persuasive is code for bribes. So what do you want for your cooperation? A baker’s dozen of eclairs? I can get you that.

aren't eclairs more your thing, big guy? 🤔

[ okay. deserved that. he walked right into that one. ]

I don’t have a monopoly on them. They could be your thing too.

[ shiro’s lost. is this flirting or is he digging the pastry-kink-hole deeper for himself? ]

[ not that shiro can see, but keith is laughing. ]

i already have a thing though
🍆 could be nice

[ the flirting is back on! ]

You’re in luck. I happen to have one of those. I’m willing to loan it out if you handle it with care.

oh yeah? ☺️
got any ideas on how i should properly care for it?

[ just curious! ]

[ oh boy. ]

Well, it’s pretty big, so it’s best to keep two hands on it at all times. You know, to keep it under control. Also, before you blow it, you should wet your lips for maximum comfort.

[ okay, well now he's laughing, but also? weirdly fond. ]

two hands and soft lips, huh?
sounds like it wants to hog all the attention.
what if i want at least one of those to do something else?

[ curious, very curious. ]

Depends on what this ‘something else’ is. Tell me? 🤔

[ oh. oh the places he could take this. like how maybe he needs one hand to make sure his boy's eyes don't go wandering off to the nearest baked good. shiro best appreciate just how merciful keith can be. ]

hey. you're supposed to be a sleuth
i can't just give you the answers.
gotta stay sharp, babe 👍

[ ah. so it’s gotta be like that. fine. ]

Okay. If we’re eliminating either your right hand, left hand, or mouth from being anywhere near the eggplant, I’m going to assume it’s your mouth that’s doing something else. [ slight delay between texts. ] You’ll be too busy sassing me with that mouth of yours to do anything else with it. [ once a brat, always a brat.]

oh c'mon.
i do plenty of things with my mouth that don't involve sassing you

or are you saying that according to the eggplant
using my mouth to do anything else is sass by definition?
b/c that just sounds like it needs to learn how to share

[ LATELY THOUGH? shiro is unconvinced. ]

The eggplant does share! It has been very patient in its waiting to be taken out and taken care of.

[ there's a bunch of ways keith could respond to that, but he ends up mulling this one over. text makes tone hard to infer, so maybe he shouldn't be thinking about this too hard? but still, they were just talking about shiro being frustrated and .... well, this seems like it could be a root cause. ]

yeah. i guess the eggplant has been reallu good.
hope it's not mad at me
😔

[ ah jeez. shiro’s the supposed detective here and yet, he hasn’t put frustration an’ eggplant together in the same way keith has.
help him. he needs… help. ]

It’s not mad. It’s lonely and wants to be put to good use.

[ ...oh. why does this make him a lil sad. ]

ok. i'm sorry.
i didn't mean to make it feel that way

[ fuck. wait. is that apology playfully given or is keith taking him seriously on this.
fucking text -- shiro needs some footnotes. ]

You didn’t. It’s fine. Everything is fine. I promise.

[ has keith mentioned yet how much he hates texting? he'll take shiro at his word here because there's not much else he can go on, but he's still not sure if that's reassurance or backpedaling and it's starting to hurt his head. can he go back to having a pseudo headache about eclairs please... ]

ok. 😖
i'll go back to worrying about having pastries as competition then
we should synch tonight so i can have enough credits to buy all the bakeries and cancel all the eclairs

[ he reads over the text and… laughs. he actually laughs. it startles right out of him and on reflex, he straightens from his hunch-lean against the wall, smile coming to him easily.
of all the ridiculous things to say…
he shakes his head, still very adamant about not having a pastry kink but he’s amused this time around. ]

You say it like I’d be against this. I’ll come home right now baby, if it means getting rid of these eclairs faster.

[ ohoho. consider keith's curiosity piqued. ]

uh-huh.
and what's your excuse gonna be for ditching work, big guy?

Who said I’m ditching work? I’m out interrogating a known criminal.

[ it counts. ]

[ wow. wowowow. ]

😇🖕
i don't know what you're talking about

[ he would put a 😘 but that’s unprofessional.
nevermind all the eggplant talk. that was before this i’m-working charade. ]

See. Clearly you need to be interrogated further.

[ oh so that's how this is gonna be! ]

🤐
i used to be a spy you know
you sure you can break me?

[ it helps that keith wants shiro to "break" him. don’t even try denying~ ]

Yeah. Ten minutes tops.

if keith used his own dumpster truck ass as a mold for the bread, sure.

time to get a silicone mold made....

shiro would develop a baked goods kink if keith started using his ass for bread, cakes

/CLOSES EYES

this shitpost needs to be contained.

i think noct sheith need to be contained generally....

the world is not ready for... whatever they are.

/I/ am not ready

and yet here you are, encouraging it.

i encourage nothing.

you're full of lies.

slanderer

i had a plan for this thread @ one point. now i have none.

what was the plan...

shiro was gonna pull a prank. he was talking about the eggplant float. YOU KNOW THE ONE.

omg HOW DID THIS GET SO DERAILED.....

didn't this start w eclairs? now they're sad over eggplants? WHAT IS GOING ON??

it sure did... i just don't understand

it's noct sheith. that's all you need as explanation.

/closes eyes

just leave them closed.

that seems like it'd be wise yeah

you'd think we'd be desensitized to their stupid.

and yet here we are. cringing every day

there's smth addictive about it ok