[ they’re going in circles. it’s not the first time he’s chastised himself for picking now, when keith is so obviously struggling to focus and process, to have this conversation. the timing is horrible… but that’s the usual with shiro, isn’t it? nothing can ever be easy between them and shiro has no one to blame but himself. wincing internally, shiro allows that one beat down on himself before he works himself free of it, slipping just enough in his steadfastness to sigh aloud.
they’ll talk about this again, he knows. once keith is clear-headed. once neither of them are stripped down in a horridly uncertain situation. and once they’re free of the overreaching danger of being discovered and subsequently punished. maybe then it won’t be such a battle for shiro to convince keith that his intentions are genuine. for now, though, he tries his best to settle keith just enough to put a crack in that doubt.
and the quickest way to do that? he leans down and takes a kiss from his mouth, resting solid and resting heavy, to make keith really feel the weight of everything shiro is feeling. no open mouth and no tongue, just a firm meeting of their lips as shiro holds and holds, breaking away after a few, long beats. ]
I’m not mad. [ wait. that’s not entirely true. ] Not at you.
[ better. he sighs again, still keeping all points of contact between them. ]
I’m mad that I’m an idiot when it comes to you.
[ he used to be so much better at this. oddly enough, he was better at managing their relationship when they hardly had one; back in the garrison days, when he was diligently working at gaining this disgruntled kid’s trust. now… sometimes shiro truly believes that everything that’s happened to him has damaged him beyond repair.
or maybe that’s a scapegoat. afterall, his track record for love isn’t stellar. can he honestly say that he was open and honest with adam in all aspects of their relationship, too? that he was always understanding and patient? for how readily available he makes himself to building people up when they need it, does he truly know how to love unconditionally? maybe not, he thinks… but he’s learning. he’s trying. he already loves this boy, he knows it, he feels it. he just… needs to love him better.
god, even in the privacy of his own head, that sounds stupid enough for him to be embarrassed by it. it’s true, though. keith is it for him and one day, shiro is going to make him believe it. ]
I know I haven’t given you enough reason to believe me, but try to, baby. I love you.
IT'S OKAY THO. in a few days...
they’ll talk about this again, he knows. once keith is clear-headed. once neither of them are stripped down in a horridly uncertain situation. and once they’re free of the overreaching danger of being discovered and subsequently punished. maybe then it won’t be such a battle for shiro to convince keith that his intentions are genuine. for now, though, he tries his best to settle keith just enough to put a crack in that doubt.
and the quickest way to do that? he leans down and takes a kiss from his mouth, resting solid and resting heavy, to make keith really feel the weight of everything shiro is feeling. no open mouth and no tongue, just a firm meeting of their lips as shiro holds and holds, breaking away after a few, long beats. ]
I’m not mad. [ wait. that’s not entirely true. ] Not at you.
[ better. he sighs again, still keeping all points of contact between them. ]
I’m mad that I’m an idiot when it comes to you.
[ he used to be so much better at this. oddly enough, he was better at managing their relationship when they hardly had one; back in the garrison days, when he was diligently working at gaining this disgruntled kid’s trust. now… sometimes shiro truly believes that everything that’s happened to him has damaged him beyond repair.
or maybe that’s a scapegoat. afterall, his track record for love isn’t stellar. can he honestly say that he was open and honest with adam in all aspects of their relationship, too? that he was always understanding and patient? for how readily available he makes himself to building people up when they need it, does he truly know how to love unconditionally? maybe not, he thinks… but he’s learning. he’s trying. he already loves this boy, he knows it, he feels it. he just… needs to love him better.
god, even in the privacy of his own head, that sounds stupid enough for him to be embarrassed by it. it’s true, though. keith is it for him and one day, shiro is going to make him believe it. ]
I know I haven’t given you enough reason to believe me, but try to, baby. I love you.