[ with the warmth of shiro's skin pressed close, the temptation to continue hiding behind his hands gradually ceases to be a real temptation at all. it only takes a few moments of listening to his boyfriend talking for keith's face to be lulled up, magnetized. it takes even less time for a smile to bloom. it starts out small and a little shy, before a kindling spark turns into a warm ember.
they've been best friends for years, and for all their similarities and shared interests... it's still kind of fascinating to think maybe they do feel similarly about sex. of course, that isn't something keith anticipated. after all, shiro's had other partners and a sex life that predated the one imposed on them by the warden.
sex isn't inherently unnatural or some grotesque scrambling of his autonomy. of course keith knows that, but in practice it's been harder to come to terms with actually being okay with wanting it for himself because experience hasn't always been equated with choice. there's a word for that -- trauma, perhaps, but a rough life has made it difficult to even unpack that for what it is. after all, he's been in more battles than he cares to count, and seen more people die than he wants to remember. this is nothing in comparison, right?
or so he thought. in the end, it's exactly as shiro said. it had been freeing to be someone other than himself while allowing anon to explore his body. it had been more enjoyable precisely because keith didn't have to think or feel anything than what he was made to feel by anon's fingers and tongue and cock.
shiro's.
keith tries out the correction, eyes still on his boyfriend's face, then has to look away when the flutter in his chest refuses to subside. he hiccups a tiny laugh, twisting enough to bump his cheek to shiro's chest. and then... what that isn't close enough? keith frees himself from shiro's arm to carefully straddle his thighs. ]
It could still be tonight. If you want. [ if you want. keith shakes his head, unsatisfied. ] Because that's what I want.
[ still smiling, keith traces a long line from collarbone down to shiro's flesh hand, taking it and intertwining their fingers. ]
Sounds stupid but... I really didn't want to want., I guess. [ he huffs, expression turning slightly self deprecating. ] Heh. You know. If you hadn't ghosted me, I was planning on saying thank you. For helping me figure things out ... and for showing me it was gonna be okay. ....Aaand then I was going to break it off with you because I realized that even though things were okay, I didn't want to be just okay. I wanted you. [ a beat. ] No, I want you. I want to kiss you. I wanna be able to say your name while we touch.
[ pause. is that too subtle? ]
I want to look at you and hold you while you fuck me.
no subject
they've been best friends for years, and for all their similarities and shared interests... it's still kind of fascinating to think maybe they do feel similarly about sex. of course, that isn't something keith anticipated. after all, shiro's had other partners and a sex life that predated the one imposed on them by the warden.
sex isn't inherently unnatural or some grotesque scrambling of his autonomy. of course keith knows that, but in practice it's been harder to come to terms with actually being okay with wanting it for himself because experience hasn't always been equated with choice. there's a word for that -- trauma, perhaps, but a rough life has made it difficult to even unpack that for what it is. after all, he's been in more battles than he cares to count, and seen more people die than he wants to remember. this is nothing in comparison, right?
or so he thought. in the end, it's exactly as shiro said. it had been freeing to be someone other than himself while allowing anon to explore his body. it had been more enjoyable precisely because keith didn't have to think or feel anything than what he was made to feel by anon's fingers and tongue and cock.
shiro's.
keith tries out the correction, eyes still on his boyfriend's face, then has to look away when the flutter in his chest refuses to subside. he hiccups a tiny laugh, twisting enough to bump his cheek to shiro's chest. and then... what that isn't close enough? keith frees himself from shiro's arm to carefully straddle his thighs. ]
It could still be tonight. If you want. [ if you want. keith shakes his head, unsatisfied. ] Because that's what I want.
[ still smiling, keith traces a long line from collarbone down to shiro's flesh hand, taking it and intertwining their fingers. ]
Sounds stupid but... I really didn't want to want., I guess. [ he huffs, expression turning slightly self deprecating. ] Heh. You know. If you hadn't ghosted me, I was planning on saying thank you. For helping me figure things out ... and for showing me it was gonna be okay. ....Aaand then I was going to break it off with you because I realized that even though things were okay, I didn't want to be just okay. I wanted you. [ a beat. ] No, I want you. I want to kiss you. I wanna be able to say your name while we touch.
[ pause. is that too subtle? ]
I want to look at you and hold you while you fuck me.