[ keith stares a moment too long in stunned silence after shiro finishes speaking. the tight feeling in his chest is entirely irrational and yet it spreads and spreads, keeping keith locked in its vice grip as he wades through what the fuck that he's even feeling right now.
everything is overblown. they're talking about sexual intimacy between them which, up until a month ago, was never an issue that was on or off the table. fuck, there was no goddamn table at all. they'd simply been two friends who looked out for each other, cared for each other, become each other's family. not even a war or death had changed that. so what exactly is it that's needling him?
honestly, keith doesn't have it sorted by the time he blurts the words out. ]
I don't have it figured out. [ he furrows his brow, leaning across the bed to grab shiro's shoulder. ] But you're right. I didn't need you for that.
[ he swallows, but holds eye contact steady. so that's it, huh? need. keith takes a deep breath, finding greater resolve with his next breath. need. no. if the last couple of years has taught keith anything at all, from shiro's "pilot error" death, to his actual death, it's that keith doesn't technically need shiro at all. life goes on, he's found. miserably, and with guilt and grief and mourning, but it marches on and keith can lead a team of four other paladins in battle and win despite feeling gutted and lonely.
the fight at the abandoned facility when he could have let the clone fall to save himself... that hadn't been about need either. bringing shiro back from the infinite void of the black lion, pleading with his unconscious body as his quintessence risked rejection.... fuck. a thousand different feelings cut raw at at once, knowing this shiro may never know the depth and intensity of feeling keith has reserved only for him, but it has to be better this way, right?
keith grips shiro's shoulder tight, violet eyes imploring for even a shred of understanding and connection. ]
I'm not some kid with scuffed knuckles who needs to be guided under your wing, Shiro.
[ a beat. ]
But I wanted you. [ still want you? his grip loosens fractionally as he swallows.] It's okay that you don't want me back like that, but I mean every word I'm saying.
no subject
everything is overblown. they're talking about sexual intimacy between them which, up until a month ago, was never an issue that was on or off the table. fuck, there was no goddamn table at all. they'd simply been two friends who looked out for each other, cared for each other, become each other's family. not even a war or death had changed that. so what exactly is it that's needling him?
honestly, keith doesn't have it sorted by the time he blurts the words out. ]
I don't have it figured out. [ he furrows his brow, leaning across the bed to grab shiro's shoulder. ] But you're right. I didn't need you for that.
[ he swallows, but holds eye contact steady. so that's it, huh? need. keith takes a deep breath, finding greater resolve with his next breath. need. no. if the last couple of years has taught keith anything at all, from shiro's "pilot error" death, to his actual death, it's that keith doesn't technically need shiro at all. life goes on, he's found. miserably, and with guilt and grief and mourning, but it marches on and keith can lead a team of four other paladins in battle and win despite feeling gutted and lonely.
the fight at the abandoned facility when he could have let the clone fall to save himself... that hadn't been about need either. bringing shiro back from the infinite void of the black lion, pleading with his unconscious body as his quintessence risked rejection.... fuck. a thousand different feelings cut raw at at once, knowing this shiro may never know the depth and intensity of feeling keith has reserved only for him, but it has to be better this way, right?
keith grips shiro's shoulder tight, violet eyes imploring for even a shred of understanding and connection. ]
I'm not some kid with scuffed knuckles who needs to be guided under your wing, Shiro.
[ a beat. ]
But I wanted you. [ still want you? his grip loosens fractionally as he swallows.] It's okay that you don't want me back like that, but I mean every word I'm saying.